Beyond Black & White » Christelyn Karazin http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Fri, 24 Apr 2015 16:52:44 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.3 Are You Brave Enough to ‘Cut Bait’ In Order to Make Room for the Right Man? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/are-you-brave-enough-to-cut-bait-in-order-to-make-room-for-the-right-man/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/are-you-brave-enough-to-cut-bait-in-order-to-make-room-for-the-right-man/#comments Fri, 24 Apr 2015 16:52:44 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36971 A friend of mine recently shared with me her dissatisfaction with a man whom she’s been seeing. Early in the relationship, he came on strong, full of promises and plans for what they would do together and how he would wine and dine her, give her his time and attention in order to win her […]

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Pike with bait in mouthA friend of mine recently shared with me her dissatisfaction with a man whom she’s been seeing. Early in the relationship, he came on strong, full of promises and plans for what they would do together and how he would wine and dine her, give her his time and attention in order to win her love. A few months later, the guy did what in business terms is called, over promising and under delivering. Once my friend began to reciprocate his affection, all the promises and ardor cooled, and they settled in a routine where she hardly saw him and she was never a priority, which was wholly dissatisfying for her. He’s also become overly critical of her appearance, which is causing a crack in her self confidence.

She’s not happy, but is hesitant to call it quits. She has developed feelings for him, and he appears outwardly as a catch–he has an advanced degree and operates several businesses. He’s extremely handsome. He’s also a gentleman–opens doors, pulls out chairs, and according to her, is amazing in bed.

Despite his positive points, my friend isn’t happy. But because he seems a lot less worse than what else is out there, she’s afraid to cut bait.

This is typical for many women who feel like a bird with a broken wing is better than two healthy ones in a bush. We women aren’t always willing to gamble that we can do better, so we settle in where we are despite being unhappy.

Phuck that! The best thing you can do for yourself is to know that single, available men are like buses–there’s another one coming every 15 minutes. You also have to believe that you are a prize and worth more than what you’re getting. Preferably before that loser you’re dating makes you feel like you’re the lucky one to be with him. Bottom line, you have to be willing to play the numbers to win the man you really want, and not one you settled for because you don’t think you can get anyone better.

Know You Can Get Better Starts When You Gain Confidence!

In the book, Why Men Love Bitches, the author makes the argument that confidence is like kryptonite to a man. They love a woman who knows she is a prize and knows she’s a catch. Confidence also means that you give off the message that you don’t need this man…and he should be happy that you want him. Confidence means you won’t think twice about dumping a man who refuses to do right by you.

So how do you gain confidence? By faking it, of course! In all seriousness, confidence comes with knowing that you are your absolute best self. However it takes for you to get there–whether it’s getting fit and eating right, learning how to dress that best compliments your body type, taking up and mastering a hobby, finishing school, getting your teeth fixed, whatever. The more you work on yourself, the more confidence you feel and the more convinced you are of your ability to attract many quality men. When you know for certain that men are like buses, you don’t mind waiting the extra 15 minutes for the next one to come along.

 

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Why Is Ben Affleck Scared for the Public to Know His Ancestors Owned Slaves? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/why-is-ben-affleck-scared-for-the-public-to-know-his-ancestors-owned-slaves/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/why-is-ben-affleck-scared-for-the-public-to-know-his-ancestors-owned-slaves/#comments Thu, 23 Apr 2015 13:41:52 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36953 The Sony leaks are the embarrassing gift that keeps on giving. The most recent what-the-cuss was news that actor Ben Affleck lobbied to have the show, Finding Your Roots, omit their discovery that his family owned slaves. Asking such a thing is apparently against PBS editorial standards, but hey! It’s Ben Affleck!! Gawker acquired a […]

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The Sony leaks are the embarrassing gift that keeps on giving. The most recent what-the-cuss was news that actor Ben Affleck lobbied to have the show, Finding Your Roots, omit their discovery that his family owned slaves. Asking such a thing is apparently against PBS editorial standards, but hey! It’s Ben Affleck!!

Gawker acquired a script of the ditched segment, though. Don’t you just love electronic footprints? Take a look:

AT THE SAME TIME THAT ALMON WAS TRYING TO OFFER THE BEREAVED SOLACE… ANOTHER OF BEN’S ANCESTORS WAS LIVING 800 MILES DUE SOUTH. WE LEARNED THAT HIS LIFE HAD ALSO BEEN FUNDAMENTALLY AFFECTED BY THE CIVIL WAR—BUT FOR VERY DIFFERENT REASONS.

THIS MAN WAS BEN’S THIRD GREAT GRANDFATHER, BENJAMIN COLE, AND HE WAS LIVING IN SAVANNAH, GEORGIA AT THE TIME. 

COLE WAS ONE OF SAVANNAH’S MOST PROMINENT CITIZENS—A WEATLHY LAND OWNER AND THE SHERIFF OF THE ENTIRE COUNTY.

AFFLECK: That’s amazing. I got a…we have a house in Savannah.

GATES: Really?

AFFLECK: Yeah.

GATES: Did it ever occur to you that you had deep roots there?

AFFLECK: No, it didn’t. It didn’t at all. I had no idea I had any southern roots at all, so this is remarkable.

COLE OWNED A LARGE FARM IN GEORGIA AT A TIME WHEN SLAVE LABOR HAD MADE THE STATE THE CENTER OF THE SOUTH’S COTTON KINGDOM. 

WE WANTED TO SEE IF WE COULD LEARN HOW BEN’S ANCESTOR FELT ABOUT THIS PECULIAR INSTITUTION. 

AND FOR THAT, WE STARTED WITH THE 1850 CENSUS.

GATES: This is the slave schedule of the 1850 Census. In 1850, they would list the owner of slaves in a separate Census.

AFFLECK: There’s Benjamin Cole, owned 25 slaves.

GATES: Your third great-grandfather owned 25 slaves. He was a slave owner.

THESE HOLDINGS PUT BENJAMIN COLE AMONG THE SOUTHERN ELITE.

ONLY ABOUT 10% OF ALL SLAVE HOLDERS OWNED 20 SLAVES OR MORE.

AFFLECK: God. It gives me kind of a sagging feeling to see, uh, a biological relationship to that. But, you know, there it is, part of our history.

GATES: But consider the irony, uh, in your family line. Your mom went back fighting for the rights of black people in Mississippi, 100 years later. That’s amazing.

AFFLECK: That’s pretty cool.

GATES: That’s pretty cool.

AFFLECK: Yeah, it is. One of the things that’s interesting about it is like we tend to separate ourselves from these things by going like, you know, oh, well, it’s just dry history, and it’s all over now, and this shows us that there’s still a living aspect to history, like a personal connection.

By the same token, I think it’s important to recognize that, um, in looking at these histories, how much work has been done by people in this country, of all kinds, to make it a better place.

GATES: People like your mother.

AFFLECK: Indeed, people like my mother and many others who have made a much better America than the one that they were handed.

The segment, in which Gates is careful to end on Affleck’s mother—a civil-rights worker—comes across as mild and non-confrontational, and Affleck comports himself well.

———

This is a really silly case of white guilt if you ask me. Like, why are you embarrassed that a man you never knew owned slaves? It’s not like you made your millions off the legacy of the land your great great great grandfather had–you’re an actor, producer and director for cripe’s sake!!

But I can’t totally blame Ben for being hesitant to have America learn this news, because we folks around these parts are well aware of how some will use the slave master argument for their reasons to oppose black women from dating and marrying white men. And while Ben’s grandpa had 25 slaves, know that most Southerners did not own slaves. Only the richest people did, so the argument that every white person in America has some connection to slavery is just absurd.

Don’t worry, Ben. We’ll still watch your movies. Go and sin no more.

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Product Pick for Defined and Moisture-Rich Curls http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/product-pick-for-defined-and-moisture-rich-curls/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/product-pick-for-defined-and-moisture-rich-curls/#comments Wed, 22 Apr 2015 11:18:53 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36948 I just picked up Ouidad’s Whipped Curls Daily Conditioner and Styling Primer on a whim, because I’ve noticed recently that several hair manufacturers are trying to deliver styling products in mousse form. But a mousse is a mousse, right? They all tend to have the light and airy texture that most do. Not Quidad’s Whipped […]

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I just picked up Ouidad’s Whipped Curls Daily Conditioner and Styling Primer on a whim, because I’ve noticed recently that several hair manufacturers are trying to deliver styling products in mousse form. But a mousse is a mousse, right? They all tend to have the light and airy texture that most do. Not Quidad’s Whipped Curls. This is a super-dense moisturizing product that contains glycerin, olive oil, shea butter, and keratin. One pump is enough to distribute over my entire head of pretty thick, longish hair. But two pumps will make my hair feel so heavy and cake-y. The photo below is first day hair.

 

Ouidad

 

Take a look at how dense it is…

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There’s two ways to use the product. The first is as a daily conditioner that you can leave in for 3-5 minutes and rinse. The other is as a “styling primer” before, well, styling. I apply it right after I rinse my hair, put it back in a ponytail and let it air dry. Once it’s about dry, I twist and put in my rollers and style as follows:

The styling primer sells for $26, but when you’re using just one pump on wash day, it should last a couple years.

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Epic Responses to Dumb A** Video Claiming Black Women are More Submissive to White Men http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/epic-responses-to-dumb-a-video-claiming-black-women-are-more-submissive-to-white-men/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/epic-responses-to-dumb-a-video-claiming-black-women-are-more-submissive-to-white-men/#comments Wed, 22 Apr 2015 04:28:31 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36942 I got a slew of messages about this video… (First thing, all these couples should go to You Tube because their images are being used, more than likely without their permission, with is totally illegal.)   The fact that this video has been shared on Facebook over 38,000 times and co-signed by many makes me […]

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I got a slew of messages about this video…

(First thing, all these couples should go to You Tube because their images are being used, more than likely without their permission, with is totally illegal.)

 

The fact that this video has been shared on Facebook over 38,000 times and co-signed by many makes me frightened at the level of non-critical thinking many in our country have. Here’s my take…

 

Love this quote from my Facebook friend, a white man who dates black women exclusively…

If someone is surrounded with fear, anger, aggressiveness, distrust, disrespect etc. then these type of emotions are typically reciprocated. if there are more positive elements within a relationship then more positive elements will be reciprocated. I guess the real question here would be, “what group of men (who date or marry black women) display more positive elements to make a black woman more comfortable with being submissive? black men or white men?”

 

From a female reader reevaluating her blind loyalty…

This video is just another way for ppl to try to down black women no matter what we do they will find fault. We act the same way with black men but it goes unnoticed until we start dating out our race then they want to complain about that, we will never win. Most black women are like this until they get dragged through the mud by our some of our black men and when we switch sides we can be who we really are submissive to our man. But whos going to keep being submissive when u r getting treated like shit ? At some point enough is enough. I mean look how they talk about us on their songs so im all for interracial dating hell black men been doing if for years and now we start doing we are wrong psst gtfoh lol i haven’t dated outside my race yet cause i love my black men but to be honest this generation of black men coming up are the weakest with all this pill popping and homosexual activities we only have other races to run too. Prime example look at rich homie quan. If that’s what’s left in the black community im out the game. lol

And another from a white man…

 I would bet money that if the white guys shown in this video treated their black partner with disrespect you would see a whole different side of these women. It doesn’t matter what color you are. You get what you give. Give love and respect get the same right back. Color has no weight in this. Culture on the other hand may play a role.

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Continued Victory…Our Voice is Being Heard Worldwide! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/continued-victory-our-voice-is-being-heard-worldwide/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/continued-victory-our-voice-is-being-heard-worldwide/#comments Tue, 21 Apr 2015 16:59:32 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36930 Got this letter from a man in Quebec. It’s amazing how our platform is reaching so far and wide…and we’re virtually the counter balance to all the other black, head-in-the-sand media that refuses to tell the truth. What is more, the men are listening. They’re on this blog, and they’re REALLY on You Tube.  Dear […]

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Got this letter from a man in Quebec. It’s amazing how our platform is reaching so far and wide…and we’re virtually the counter balance to all the other black, head-in-the-sand media that refuses to tell the truth. What is more, the men are listening. They’re on this blog, and they’re REALLY on You Tube. 

Dear CK,

I’m a white man , 41 years old from Québec city (in the French speaking province of Canada). I discovered your site a few months ago. I think it’s very uplifting. It’s all about breaking free of  conditioning and self/cultural imposed limits and this resonates with me. However, I was literally flabbergasted by the reality you and your subscribers describe. About the stigmas attached to WM-BW relationships, the misogyny in the African American community and  the less than optimal treatment by  black males. Really ??? I must admit that my knowledge of American society is somewhat limited and my knowledge of the American black community is virtually inexistent. As a disclaimer, my interest and preference for black women stem from my first “serious” romantic relationship (at 26!) which happened to be with a Togolese lady. So much affection, love and sex can create a long lasting impression. Here is my perspective on some elements that came up in the articles and discussions on BB&W and the book Swirling.

The stares : I enjoyed them! I like to provoke people (to a certain extent) and stir people’s personal beliefs ! But we didn’t meet much hostility though. I remember an elderly black woman in Togo when we were visiting Denise’s family,  that openly scolded her for being with me. However, she spoke in mina/ewe and not in French to make sure I couldn’t understand.

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The strong black woman image / loud and obnoxious stereotype: Denise was quite the opposite : petite, delicate, naturally very feminine and quiet.

Family approval : There was no problem there at all, for me and for her.

Colorism: I was not really aware of this phenomenon before I read about it on BBW. I remember one of Denise’s brothers told me that “they” (togolese black men) preferred light skin tone women. So I suspect colorism could be present in west Africa. At the time, I didn’t give it a second thought because I told myself that if I were to choose a woman like I choose a car, I would go for the darkest black possible. But in truth, skin tone appears to me as a very insignificant criterion when choosing a black woman.

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White men small genitals and pink d_ _ks: Woowww !! I had never heard about this one ! For the size, I will let the ladies debate about this. For the color, I thought girls liked pink !!!

Finally, due to the demographics here, it’s not easy to simply meet black women. I think one day I might fly down to a place where they congregate ( Atlanta ?) and snatch one ! Besides, she could be a good partner with whom to practice my English!

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In the Garden: Purple Cabbage and Coleslaw! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/in-the-garden-purple-cabbage-and-coleslaw/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/in-the-garden-purple-cabbage-and-coleslaw/#comments Tue, 21 Apr 2015 06:46:55 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36914 I know you pass it in the produce section, and you probably think it’s pretty, and with that deep purple, it’s probably got all kinds of antioxidants and stuff you know you’re supposed to consume, but you don’t have any darned idea what to do with it. Cabbage is part of the brassica family, so […]

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I know you pass it in the produce section, and you probably think it’s pretty, and with that deep purple, it’s probably got all kinds of antioxidants and stuff you know you’re supposed to consume, but you don’t have any darned idea what to do with it.

Cabbage is part of the brassica family, so it’s cousins are kale, broccoli, brussels sprouts, cauliflower and more. brassica

All the vegetables above require about the same care–cool-to-warm days (they like things in the 70’s and below but not constant freezing) and cool nights. They make excellent spring crops, so you folks on the East Coast should go to the garden center and get yourselves a few starters. They’re easy to grow, and you can put them in large pots and raised beds, so you can put covers on top to keep the critters away. These are greens…so they like nitrogen. Put a little fish emulsion in your watering can once or twice a week and I promise you’ll thank me.

Since crops like these grow well during winter in Southern California, I’m harvesting the last brassicas in my raised beds to make room for summer crops like squash, watermelon, tomatoes, eggplants, corn, cucumbers and beans. This is the last of the cabbages. I had about seven in total.

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You’ll notice that some critters got to my cabbage around the edges…you’ll have to be on the lookout for cabbage worms–voracious, fat green caterpillars that eat 100 times their weight until they go into the cocoon to become those little white butterflies you see flying around. They can do some major damage, so you need to look for them to catch them in the act. They’re often easy to spot because they poop and eat almost simultaneously and you can spot the droppings. Best to pluck them off and squish them or pick up a spray called B.T., that you can find the garden center. It’s safe for use in organic gardening.

It takes about two months for a seedling to be ready to harvest, and I’ve found the most enjoyable way is to make my own coleslaw. I don’t follow any particular recipe because coleslaw is basically salad with mayonnaise on it. I pick out what’s handy in the garden–celery, onion, carrots and such–then add raisons and mayo.

First I chop the cabbage…
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I had some broccoli spears come up and the stems are really tender and if cut thinly you can eat them raw.

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Then I mix all the goodies in a bowl…darn…forgot to put in the carrots! It still came out good though…

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Finally I add the mayo. Just enough to coat the mixture…try not to overdo.

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Then I refrigerate for a minimum of three hours. Unlike most salads, coleslaw tastes better when it sits in the fridge for a couple days. Give all the ingredients a chance to meld together. It’s truly delicious.

 

 

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