Beyond Black & White » Christelyn Karazin http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Sat, 01 Nov 2014 04:12:53 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.0 It Should Be a SIN for Women Like This to be Dateless!! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/sin-women-like-dateless/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/sin-women-like-dateless/#comments Thu, 30 Oct 2014 23:48:00 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=34443 I am beyond disgusted at how quality, high-value black women are left withering on the vine. I just got this letter today: I’ve just stumbled upon your YouTube page and have recently visited your website and I’m so glad to have found you. I have some questions as to why I don’t seem to get […]

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I am beyond disgusted at how quality, high-value black women are left withering on the vine. I just got this letter today:

I’ve just stumbled upon your YouTube page and have recently visited your website and I’m so glad to have found you. I have some questions as to why I don’t seem to get approached by men.

I am a 25 year old grad student applying to med school this year and I’m active in my church as well as stay physically active and have a pretty busy life. I’m interested in interracial dating but I’m clueless on how to go about it. Any help would be so greatly appreciated. I mainly would like to know where I can go to meet some great guys that are open to it. I live in Atlanta, GA. I know I know the south isnt a good place for that kind of thing but I have seen many many interracial couples when I am out and about and would like to know how I can get one. Lol thanks and I hope to hear from you very soon.

Why. Why. WHY?!

Take a look at this woman.

 

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Similar to doctor, Misee Harris, quality women like this are getting passed over…but why? A woman who looked like this and with the kind of credentials she has would have been snatched up and locked down with an engagement ring right about now. Lucky for Misee, she listened to me, and now she’s moving full speed with a wonderful, European, Emmy Award-winning screen writer. Now it’s this girl’s turn!

It’s time for this young lady to read, Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed, and start connecting with QUALITY men of ALL races, because while she’s in the south, Atlanta is an international hub–especially for people in the medical field. She shouldn’t have to look far to find her rainbeau…more than likely they’ll be more than a few men right in her circle who would LOVE to date her.

Ladies, give this woman a new perspective!

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Deion Sanders Acknowledges the Reality of “Damaged Beyond Repair” (DBR), But… http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/deion-sanders-acknowledges-reality-damaged-beyond-repair-dbr/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/deion-sanders-acknowledges-reality-damaged-beyond-repair-dbr/#comments Thu, 30 Oct 2014 16:47:10 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=34431 We get a lot of criticism about our use of the term, “DBR,” a psychology/psychiatric term that was popularized by blogger, Evia Moore. It’s often used in reference to individuals who are so far gone in self destructive behaviors, or behaviors that are destructive to others that no amount of love, patience, nurturing, praying, and […]

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We get a lot of criticism about our use of the term, “DBR,” a psychology/psychiatric term that was popularized by blogger, Evia Moore. It’s often used in reference to individuals who are so far gone in self destructive behaviors, or behaviors that are destructive to others that no amount of love, patience, nurturing, praying, and wishing on stars and rainbows will change them. Because many of us are raised in the church, we’re taught that no one is beyond redemption, and forgiveness is the cornerstone. You know what I say? Forgive if you want, but that doesn’t mean you open your life to them, nor does your forgiveness entitle them to your body, time, heart or resources.

It’s been my experience working in this space that I’ve met people who truly are damaged, and there’s no amount of fairy wishes that will change that.

In reality, there are segments of the black community that are simply too far gone. Decades of coddling, excuse making and finger pointing have been allowed to go unchecked and uncorrected in any meaningful way. Likewise, there are individuals in that community–male and female–who have been bathed in some much chaos, hatred, and exposed to the basest of human behaviors that they simply can not be fixed by mere mortals. Let God handle them; but YOU need to MOVE ON.


I like the message that Deion Sanders gives to women at the end of this video, but he stops short (of course) of encouraging black women to entertain relationship options from all races of men. It’s one thing not to lower your standards for DBR’s, but it’s a whole other thing to imply that these women should wait around collecting dust until the right black man comes along. And to be honest, and I think Deion is a nice guy, but look at the type of women this man–handsome, successful, rich–is attracted to. Both women are gorgeous, but let’s no pretend that the majority of black women look like this. It seems more and more, black men are the only ones allowed to be dark and nappy headed.

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Does that make Deion a bad guy, because he’s bought into the notion that light skinned or white is superior to the majority of what black women DON’T look like? Nope. He has developed that preference based on colorist conditioning that is also a “DBR” reality of Black America. You’ll never convince men in that position otherwise.

So ladies, heed Deion’s advice, but don’t put yourself up on a shelf. Open your options and find men who appreciate how uniquely beautiful YOU are, and stop begging to be loved by DBR’s.

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On Vetting: Dump Toxic People Who Prefer You to Sustain Unhealthy Habits http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/vetting-dump-toxic-people-prefer-sustain-unhealthy-habits/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/vetting-dump-toxic-people-prefer-sustain-unhealthy-habits/#comments Thu, 30 Oct 2014 05:23:12 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=34421 I ran across a news story about a woman who lost 150 pounds of extra weight who had to also end an engagement with a man who would rather see her morbidly obese for his own fetishizing and pleasure than to keep the weight so she could save her life. Eve Parker told the Huffington […]

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I ran across a news story about a woman who lost 150 pounds of extra weight who had to also end an engagement with a man who would rather see her morbidly obese for his own fetishizing and pleasure than to keep the weight so she could save her life.

Eve Parker told the Huffington Post, There was always this inner conflict of the very thing that was killing me — giving me the sleep apnea, my blood pressure was 200 over 100 — the very thing that was keeping me so unhealthy was the very thing giving me the one thing I wanted, which was love and acceptance from a man.” It was when Parker’s doctor informed her that she “may not live to be 40″ that she knew she had to make a change, even if it meant breaking up with the man she loved.


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Ladies, run far from ANYONE whose love is contingent on your maintaining dangerous habits that can lead to your destruction or diminishment. And this isn’t just about the people around you who are invested in keeping you obese and risking your life. It could also be that man who insists on not wearing a condom. Or a girlfriend who is more comfortable with your dating bums and thugs like she is. Is could also be that aunt or cousin who pokes fun or your healthy eating habit. These people are selfish and care more about their own comfort and pleasure than they care for you.

Keep them away. Very, very far away.

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Is Pumpkin Pie for White People? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/pumpkin-pie-white-people/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/pumpkin-pie-white-people/#comments Thu, 30 Oct 2014 04:30:24 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=34417 I managed to wrangle a few pumpkins out of my raised beds this year…but just barely. Pumpkin, melons, cucumbers and squash are susceptible to a fungus called powdery mildew, which if gone unchecked, will literally choke the life out of your plants. Powdery mildew was the absolute bane of my gardening existence. But like I […]

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I managed to wrangle a few pumpkins out of my raised beds this year…but just barely. Pumpkin, melons, cucumbers and squash are susceptible to a fungus called powdery mildew, which if gone unchecked, will literally choke the life out of your plants. Powdery mildew was the absolute bane of my gardening existence. But like I said, I got about three pumpkins for all the vines that covered the patio.

And tomorrow, the day before Halloween, my prized pumpkin is set to be carved. So I’ll be taking the seeds and some of the “meat” to preserve for Thanksgiving (gluten free) pies. Me and The Hubster joke that pumpkin pie is the white man’s sweet potato pie.

This is clearly a culinary culture clash, because Mike had never had sweet potato pie before we met. My mother is coming for the feast this year, and  as a good Southern woman, she’ll be expecting her sweet potato pie–free of gluten or not!

So I’ll be cooking both. And it will be easy because both pumpkin and sweet potato pies require virtually the same ingredients to make them yummy: cinnamon, vanilla extract, salt, sugar (but I’ll be using maple syrup and stevia), a pinch of nutmeg and ginger, eggs, cream.

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Cinnamon is the cornerstone spice for both pies, and I’m excited to be using a very special kind of cinnamon, grown and processed in Vietnam and sold by World Vision to support the people of that community. The organization was kind enough to send me a sample of the cinnamon encased in a gorgeous carved container so I could tell you all about it. It’s easily the best and highest quality cinnamon I’ve ever tasted. I’ve been using it in my zucchini bread and it’s heavenly.

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This is probably the best cinnamon you can buy, and much higher quality than in the grocery store. It’s $85. I know. It’s expensive. But that money goes to the people who helped to create it, and you can claim a portion of that expense as a tax write off.

So which camp are you in–pumpkin or sweet potato?

 

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Get X-Mas Money! Enter Our First BB&W “Happy Couple” Contest to Win a $100 Visa Gift Card! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/get-x-mas-money-enter-first-bbw-happy-couple-contest-win-100-visa-gift-card/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/get-x-mas-money-enter-first-bbw-happy-couple-contest-win-100-visa-gift-card/#comments Wed, 29 Oct 2014 03:08:51 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=34377 We’re on a mission to rebuild all the “Happy Couple” photos and stories we collected on our original Beyond Black & White fan page! These stories are essential…they’re encouraging, enlightening, uplifting and empowering to our community. We suffered a terrible loss when the trolls were successful in shutting us down. We’ll be back and bigger […]

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We’re on a mission to rebuild all the “Happy Couple” photos and stories we collected on our original Beyond Black & White fan page! These stories are essential…they’re encouraging, enlightening, uplifting and empowering to our community. We suffered a terrible loss when the trolls were successful in shutting us down.

We’ll be back and bigger than ever, and to sweeten the pot, anyone who submits happy couple photos along with the story of how you and your partner met between now and November 25 automatically gets entered to win a $100 Visa gift card. The winner of the contest will be selected by the number of “likes” and engagement on our new page, Beyond Black & White The Rebirth.  Runner up will receive a $25 Visa gift card.

To get an idea of what we’re looking for, check out our first submission.

“Bill’s Story”

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Hello, my name is Bill Watson. I live in a little town called Rockland, PA. Rockland is a little farming community that dosen’t have a post office so our address is Emlenton, PA. I live on a farm that my ancestors settled. Our county courthouse has a map from 1825 that shows our family on it. We live in a all white community. My grade school and high school was all white!  I remember in grade school, learning about slavery and was the first time I ever seen a black person. Before then I just thought everyone was white! The first time I saw a picture of a black lady I remember thinking, “Why would, and how could anyone be so cruel to the most beautiful thing God ever created?” Since then, I had always wished I lived in a unsegregated community. I didn’t realize back in the 70’s things didn’t change much. As a kid, I thought racism was over. It wasn’t til I got older and watching the news that I realized we didn’t go far from the slave days!So not knowing any Black girls, I dated a few white girls, but always ended up feeling bad for them cause my heart just wasn’t there. I used to go to Franklin,  about 20 miles away,  just hoping to see a black girl in the supermarket! But it seemed all the black girls left that town when they got of age or just stayed home.  I would see black men but never black girls.I did meet a black lady in Franklin and we dated for awhile but she had children and alot of daddy drama. So I started going to Meadville  which is is about 45 miles away. I met a black lady there and we dated but she also had alot of baby daddy drama and she drank too much! Then my brother told me I should get a computer. So in 2006 I got a PC and didn’t know even how to turn it on! Anyways, I would see dating sights on tv commercials so I thought, why not? I met a black lady from Meadville on a regular dating site and we started talking. We started dating, then I learned she was married! So I broke it off and I thought to my self, “I’ll never find my true love.” I was so sad and I promised myself I wasn’t going to settle for a white girl when my heart was for a black girl cause that wouldn’t be fair to the white girl and I could never truly be happy. I would watch movies about black women and white men and think how wonderful that must be! Then one day I found InterracialDatingCentral.com.  I looked through the site and I came across the most beautiful lady I’ve ever seen. She was in Chicago and I was intimidated cause she was in a big city and I was just a poor country boy living in a farm town! I went on past her profile and I kept thinking of her. So a week or so later I thought why not. Won’t be the first time I been ashamed!To my suprise she answered me back. I remember thinking to myself this must be a scam?!!  No one that georgous would ever give me the time of day! So we started talking and it turned out she was from Lusaka, Zambia. She was raised in Lusaka and always remembered as a child liking white boys and always wanted to come to America!

Lusaka is the capital of Zambia and a city so she was raised with all races of people. She came to America at 18 through a church program. She lived in NYC,Oregon, California and then Chicago.She never lived in the country. I never been out of my county hardly let alone on a plane! After talking for months online and telephone, she flew to Pittsburgh  and I had my one brother that was a truck driver to drive me to the airport. She came for the weekend, and a month later moved here. We are married and I adopted her daughter from her first marriage. We had a daughter together and we are one happy family! I thank God everyday for the blessings he gave me. Who would ever think a poor farm boy from Rockland would ever marry a African Queen from Zambia. I didn’t share my story for the prize I just wanted to let people see never give up you will find your soulmate as I did!

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That story is so stinkin’ sweet. Humble farm boy meets his African princess.

Now what are you waiting for?! Send us your story via email at christelyn@beyondblackwhite.com.

 

 

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Neil’s Story: The Overseas Wedding that (Almost) Never Happened http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/neils-story-overseas-wedding-almost-never-happened/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/neils-story-overseas-wedding-almost-never-happened/#comments Tue, 28 Oct 2014 06:04:57 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=34342 Hello Christelyn , this is my journey to swirling. My name is Neil and for as long as I can remember I’ve always liked black women , growing up in northern England was good but it lacked one thing Black Women lol. There was never a moment that flicked the switch so to speak I […]

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Hello Christelyn , this is my journey to swirling.

My name is Neil and for as long as I can remember I’ve always liked black women , growing up in northern England was good but it lacked one thing Black Women lol. There was never a moment that flicked the switch so to speak I just saw women as women no matter the colour , that was until my mid to late teen’s when I became aware of a English all girl group called Eternal who were made up of 3 black woman and 1 white woman. Add to that more groups like en vogue and SWV and I was hooked.

I actually stumbled upon the website which would change my life forever , it was called myyearbook and back in 2010 it was a lesser known facebook with lots of games. Nowadays it’s a dating site ironically but I went there to play games and maybe talk to other like minded people. I started friend requesting interesting people and one just happened to be my future wife , I will always remember the evening in late February when Cathy (my wife) accepted my request and we had a little chat about nothing in particular. She did mention that she was having some Reese’s Piece’s (I’d never heard of them) and that has and always will stick with me.

We began talking online on a daily basis and soon after we made the step to talking on the phone , I was nervous and excited at the same time lol. After about a month of talking I knew she was the one and on top of that I found faith through Cathy. That is something I’ve never really had in my life before , when the woman I’ve been talking to for a month tells me she has been praying for me it pretty much knocked the wind out of me (in a good way). She’s the one that got me my first bible and because of that my whole outlook on life has changed for the very much better. Even in the very early stages of our journey that black woman love and soul affects you and just makes you grow.

The next step was to webcam and again I was both nervous and excited lol , the first thing I noticed was how staggeringly beautiful she was even when the webcam was not at its best. Then of course was the hair change off screen lol , I thought it was her real hair and that just made me feel more closer to her. This was my first experience of the marvel that is black woman’s hair and yes I am still learning to this day lol.  We started talking more and more about marriage and building a future together and possibly kids , at the time I was 32 and she 38.

Now telling family and friends about possible future plans was actually easier than I thought because I was now in the mindset of if you don’t like it tough sh*t. When I told my dad all he said was he was happy for me and to be careful in Detroit lol and to be honest that’s all I wanted to hear. My dad seemed to be the happiest for me , my mum and both sisters were kinda lacking his enthusiasm. I wasn’t sure if it was for the colour of Cathy’s skin or the 3600 miles away I would be living either way I just wasn’t bothered as I knew I’d found my soulmate and queen.

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Anyway I arrange a trip for myself in June of the same year for us to meet in person for the first time , I remember counting down the weeks and days until the day finally came. I sent money over as Cathy had already found her engagement ring. We were looking into how I would come over permanently and we agree on a fiancée visa. Cathy started on the paperwork as I was preparing to bring some papers over in June.

June 18th 2010 finally came and I was so ready to meet my black queen in person , just a short 8hr flight to Washington with an hour stop over before onward to Detroit. A short taxi ride to the hotel and then the short wait before she arrived with my future mother in law and step son. The first thing I notice was how even more beautiful she was in person which I didn’t think was possible. After saying hello’s we were left alone in person for the first time ever and again I was nervous and excited. We both couldn’t stop smiling and kissed and held each other as our soul’s just entwined around us , so this is real love.

We had a bite to eat and Cathy gave me her engagement ring which I gave back to her a little later down on one knee when she was least expecting it. She said yes and called her mum who told her she was on her way to the hotel as she wanted to see me propose to her daughter , I’ve never heard of this before but who am I to disagree with my queens mother. So about 10mins later I was down on one knee AGAIN and got a 2nd yes lol. That week was fantastic and I did not want to leave but we did fill out all the paperwork for the visa to get started. We paid the fee and sent it off and I sadly returned to England , Cathy would check each week for updates on visajourney.com. So many older men trying to get young Asian women over , Cathy loved looking and reading all the comments lol.

The timescale for the visa paperwork was around 6-7months so we were thinking January time for it to be finalized all being well. Well it didn’t go as smoothly as one would hope , firstly Cathy missed ticking a box and the paperwork got sent back to her before we could proceed. After a few months of waiting and getting little progress the paperwork was approved and was heading to the US Embassy in London. During this time we webcammed , texted (not cheap lol) and talked on the phone daily and began missing each other big time. One of the things that would make me smile was thinking about holding Cathy’s hand in mine , seeing her dark fingers in my pale one’s always did sometime to me lol still does and still don’t know why.

I got a letter from the Embassy outlining what they needed from me , full police background check etc which I got in due time. This was now in mid February and we were thinking when would we catch a break. I was sent a letter saying I would receive an interview date within 2 weeks , those 2 weeks came and I received no letter. I called the number on the letter and I explained the situation and ask when my interview was , I was told yesterday ….. WTF !!!! I so dreaded telling Cathy that news because if you missed an interview it would put the process back by up to 4 months. I went to the local post office to see if any letter had arrived for me which it had but I never received it because someone at the Embassy had forgotten to put postage on it again WTF!!!! I told the post office to send it back so they could see it was there mistake and it worked as 4 days later I got an email requesting me to attend an interview the following Tuesday , good news at last. By now we had set a wedding date of May 28th and it was creeping up fast.

I went down to London for the interview which was about 30mins long with about 5hrs waiting time but finally got approved and booked a ONE WAY TICKET. I worked my 2 week notice and said my goodbyes to everyone and was on my way. Not once in all this process was there ever a doubt in my mind that we would never be together. The day I flew over was on royal wedding day and I will always remember that , one funny thing from that day was the person checking me in was a guy with a heavy Russian accent LOL.

I got to the place I now call home and what a relief it finally was , in the coming days I got fitted for my wedding ring and suit. My mum and my younger sister were coming over for the wedding , my dad said he didn’t have the fund’s but 3 days before the wedding called me to say he was at Detroit airport. I said a few choice words as he explained that he had always planned on coming but wanted it to be a surprise.

I notice I’ve be charping on for some time now so I’ll cut this short. The wedding was small but beautiful and since we’ve been married I’ve travelled more than I have in my entire life. My dad plan’s on visiting in the New Year and we intend to travel to Britain in 2016 for my sister’s wedding.

I would just like to finish with the fact that more and more people seem to be finding out what I already know that black women a simply fantastic. The soul you ladies have just draws people to you and your big hearts take care of the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to tell my long story and sorry for my LONG story.

Neil wedding rings

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