Beyond Black & White » SwirlQueen http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Tue, 07 Jul 2015 16:02:12 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.2.2 Child Abuse or Child Acting Out? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/child-abuse-child-acting/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/child-abuse-child-acting/#comments Wed, 08 Apr 2015 12:08:07 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=34460 This post caused a firestorm on my Facebook page.  Very touchy in many aspects as the differing opinions descended down from a cyber sky. Natural hair care is a huge subject in black and interracial communities.  When this video first appeared on Youtube six years ago, people were appalled and even called this child abuse. […]

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Abuse Detangle VideoThis post caused a firestorm on my Facebook page.  Very touchy in many aspects as the differing opinions descended down from a cyber sky. Natural hair care is a huge subject in black and interracial communities.  When this video first appeared on Youtube six years ago, people were appalled and even called this child abuse.  Yet some thought that the term abuse was overblown and unnecessary.

I am just as horrified now as I was when I first saw this video. All kinds of stories were bandied about as to the possible motives of the mother. They ranged from her simply being ghetto, to taking out anger on her biracial daughter due to the fact that father left or did not marry her.  I know as angry as I made my mom by not cooperating, I was never ever cursed.  I may have gotten popped on the ear, but again never cursed at all.

Some of the most simplest of posts causes an uproar. But I appreciate the differing opinions here. We all see something different. Whatever we believe, I think the mom really could and should employ some different tactics in making the process easier for herself and more importantly less painful and traumatic for the child. I have seen children act up something terrible, but I can’t imagine that this girl is faking. Maybe she doesn’t want her hair done but screaming like that and calling for her daddy and the response from the mom regarding said daddy is more telling than the video. This was a while back so I am hoping that this girl who is now a tween or teen has learned to do her own hair by now and is no longer experiencing episodes like this.

There seems to be some support for this abuse in the comments, but most are against this mother if that is what you want to call her.  And let’s not forget about the language.  As much as I hated to get my own hair washed and untangled, I can’t recall ever once my mother cursing me.  It is unimaginable that I would even consider speaking in such a manner to my own daughter as challenging as it was to untangle her hair at times.  When you take your time to use detangler products (when necessary and available) on hair with patience and love, you just don’t have these kinds of episodes.  Whatever the reason this woman offered, this poor baby was being tortured and there is no excuse for it.

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Cross posted on Swirling and Marriage

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Young, Beautiful, Sexy, Talented, Accomplished and Single? Not For Long! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/young-beautiful-sexy-talented-accomplished-single-not-long/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/young-beautiful-sexy-talented-accomplished-single-not-long/#comments Wed, 31 Dec 2014 07:17:57 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=35423 Both Fawn Stone and Lakesha Yvette Walker were featured as singles on Interracial Marriage and Family, formerly Swirling and Marriage.  I have not been single for quite some time but as a dating and life coach understand that it is quite hard out there for women everywhere to find love.  Throw in beautiful, successful and […]

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Both Fawn Stone and Lakesha Yvette Walker were featured as singles on Interracial Marriage and Family, formerly Swirling and Marriage.  I have not been single for quite some time but as a dating and life coach understand that it is quite hard out there for women everywhere to find love.  Throw in beautiful, successful and accomplished black women, the odds rise even higher.  I had lunch with Fawn and Lakesha in the summer and am still blown over in amazement as to why these young, sexy, gorgeous women at their age and in their respective professions were still single.  I encouraged them, strategized and discussed a game plan for each.  That game plan included swirling for these smart, hot, gorgeous women.  Half the battle is won as they are very much open to interracial relationships.  Neither Fawn nor Lakesha have limited themselves to dating black men only, but are inclusive of love in whatever skin shade they find it.  That is a very good thing!

                                                        fawn-stone-2LaKeisha-1

Fawn and Lakesha are looking for their mates.  Both are beautiful, ambitious, focused and determined in their respective careers in Hollywood.  The film industry is tough, but the opportunities to meet successful, quality men of all races is unlimited.  Whether in or out of the industry, they both agree that all one needs is an open mind.  Any good marriage minded man should be honored to meet, court, date and eventually marry Fawn or Lakesha.  Make no mistake neither Fawn nor LaKesha are desperate, but as intelligent as they are beautiful; and will make the right guy feel loved and happy.  They are of course individuals with their own goals, dreams and life course but they remain united in that they are looking for great men to join them on their continued rise to the top.

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Fawn Stone 27, is a gorgeous and super talented lady who does not like to get caught up in drama. Well, with the exception of on the screen drama. Born and raised in Los Angeles, Fawn returned to her home city Los Angeles after graduating from Howard University in Washington, DC to pursue a career in acting and as a television correspondent. Most likely, Fawn can be found strutting her stuff in her 3-inch heels, even in a bowling alley. She says, “Heels are more comfortable.”

Some would say she is a diva, and she may have diva tendencies, but Fawn is one of the most kind-hearted people you will ever meet. She continues to get her feet wet in the entertainment and media business and enjoys every moment of it. In her spare time, Fawn enjoys volunteering and giving back to inner city and incarcerated youth.

Fawn’s ideal man:  The man I marry will be very kind, loving, faithful, handsome, funny, intelligent, attentive, loyal, understanding, giving, independent,  adventurous, curious, open-minded, creative, steadfast, a great provider and treat me like a queen.  I, in return will do the same.  He must love children and be spontaneous as well as romantic.  He is an all around great guy.

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One of Fawn’s famous quotes:  NEVER underestimate Gods blessings. Always stay faithful. Always remain in gratitude. Always give & love despite your situation. When you are faithful to God, God will be faithful to you!

 

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Gorgeous and born with comedic talent, Lakesha, 29 stands on middle ground between the “Wild Child” and the “Diva.” As a comedy writer, she loves to laugh and have fun. However, she also provides balance to the trio and is sometimes their only voice of reason. Her work may be scripted but her life sure is not.  Lakesha created The Candid Confessional, a monthly performance event where actors, comics, directors, musicians, poets, writers, and anyone else who is brave enough to step inside and confess.  Lakesha is an avid dancer, fitness fanatic, blogger, and runs her own production company, La Fille de Cacao Entertainment. She is tenacious and has mega drive for success. Mostly, this lady rolls with the punches.  Hollywood better watch out!

Lakesha: “My life is busy but I keep it light, so I love a man who embraces fun and independence, as well as one who is kind, open, loving, smart, patient, attentive and willing to support my goals, because I in turn will support his.  I’m also a very kind and open person, so I love to throw parties, plan events, travel, explore new restaurants , diversify my taste in culture and food, embrace health and fitness on all levels.”

Lakesha’s ideal man:  My husband will embrace that part of me and I in turn will love and support all he does as well, whether it’s business, social or goals that build for the overall good of our family.

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 If you are serious, marriage minded, in the market and want to contact either of these beauties, let me know.

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Farhia and Jason – Customs, Cultures and Baby Makes Three Yeah! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/farhia-jason-customs-cultures-baby-makes-three-yeah/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/farhia-jason-customs-cultures-baby-makes-three-yeah/#comments Tue, 23 Dec 2014 07:49:54 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=35186 Farhia and Jason were astounded that their beautiful wedding photographs went viral on the Internet.  The pics of this chic and hip urban couple are on many many Blasian and interracial couples Tumblr site as well as bridal and wedding websites.   I even covered them here on BBW.  Amal and Nada, the fab female photographers […]

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Farhia a

Farhia and Jason were astounded that their beautiful wedding photographs went viral on the Internet.  The pics of this chic and hip urban couple are on many many Blasian and interracial couples Tumblr site as well as bridal and wedding websites.   I even covered them here on BBW.  Amal and Nada, the fab female photographers who make up Black Earth Studios deserve an award for The Koyama Wedding Shoot.  These photogragphs are absolutely beautiful.   I did not want to just piece together facts and display photos,  I wanted an interview.  So now I am sharing a little of Farhia and Jason’s story with you.  Farhia is very open minded and had no inhibitions dating or marrying interracially in the least bit.

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Where were you born/ grew up?

I was born in Somalia, grew up in Kenya and came to Canada when I was 13. Husband was born in Canada and grew up in Canada as well.

What is your husband’s ethnicity?

He is Japanese.Farhia b

 

How did you meet?

We met at his 23th Birthday party. I was invited by a mutual friend and we exchanged numbers at the end. He messaged me before I even walked out of the door lol.  We continued texting back and forth the entire time and he called me when I arrived home. We ended up talking till the wee hours of the morning and met up for a lunch date the following day. The rest is history.

And how long had you known him when you got married?   We had known each other for a year and a half.    When were you married?  March 14th 2013.

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Was this your first interracial relationship?

Yes it was.

How did you feel about interracial marriage and relationships before you were in one?

In a melting pot like Toronto Canada, Interracial couples are plenty. I was used to seeing so many different types of couples; I suppose I felt that the odds of being in an interracial relationship were high for many people. I never thought it strange at all to be romantically involved with another race; in fact, I thought it would be somewhat exciting.

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Do you feel any different about interracial/international marriage and relationships now?

I still feel the same.

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 Did you face skeptics and criticism from friends and/or family about your interracial/international marriage?

My immediate friends and Family were very supportive about us. The only skepticism we received was from the odd acquaintance and strangers.

 Farhia f

Do you recall how you first informed your friends and family of your interracial relationship?

I did not introduce Jason to my family in the traditional Somali fashion. Typically how it works is, the man you intend to marry has to approach the oldest male in the family and ask for your hand in marriage. In my case it would be my older brother. After they talk, my brother would assess if he would be suitable for me and if so, would accept him. A dowry would be agreed upon (the man has to offer something of value to my family) and then a Makkah (a marital ceremony) would occur.  I explained to Jason how it worked and he agreed to do so. He offered to drive me to my mom’s for a visit and as he was dropping me off, my mom happened to be sitting in the balcony. Jason got out and opened the door for me and next thing we know, we hear my mom’s voice. We turned around and waved awkwardly and she asked Jason to come in for some tea. My mother is not reserved or shy in any way and started off with the hard questions right away, I eventually ended up telling her I’m seeing him and we wanted to tie the knot. She took an instant liking to him and so did my siblings. Though it didn’t go as planned, it couldn’t have worked out better. It was a huge relief for me.

Jason invited me to a dinner with his mom and dad. He had already told them about me and that is how we initially met. A year and a half later, he told them he planned to propose to me and after that event; we had a celebratory dinner with his family.

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What about your husband’s family —- did you or he face any criticism from them?

Not in the slightest. They are the most accepting and gracious people.

Farhia 3

Have you ever felt pressure or experienced a significant difference between your non-interracial and interracial relationship?

Yes, a few cultural differences — things such as greetings, holidays, customs, foods. Nothing major but definitely an adjusting period needed (Farhia says smiling).

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Do you feel that there are societal criticisms and pressures concerning interracial relationships?

Yes, people expect you to somehow conform to their stereotypes about what type of person you should be and who you should be with.  If you don’t fit their mold, they have many negative things to say about you. I have heard some disgusting things I would rather not repeat.

Farhia 4

Do you attribute or connect it to negative images of blacks from slavery, African colonialism or something else?

Perhaps Colonialism.  It has left a negative sentiment that has echoed through the centuries. It is something repulsive and to be feared, and an abomination.

Farhia 10Farhia 6

Do you have children?

Yes, we have a son who was born this year on March 13th..

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 Farhia 7

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Does race figure into child rearing for you?

Well, we would like to teach him both his cultures and languages.

When your children first experience racism, what will be your advice will be to them?

People fear what they do not know, doesn’t mean there is something wrong with him, and it means that they just don’t understand that people come in different shapes, sizes and color. He is perfect just the way he is!Farhia 8

 Are your families’ different religions?

Yes, my family is Muslim. His is Buddhist, however Jason converted to Islam and he is also Muslim.

What about politics? Are you both on the same page politically?

We aren’t very politically involved or inclined. But if I had to pick, I’d say we are both liberal.

Where do you live?

Toronto Ontario, Canada.

Do you think Toronto in general is a good place for interracial couples and families?

Yes. I think it’s probably one of the best.

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Do you work outside the home?

Currently a stay at home mom, Jay works at the Japanese Cultural Centre.

 What do you do for fun?

We’re both very active, we like playing all kinds of sports together, we both love trying different foods and play board games. Dancing, karaoke amongst other things.

Do you have any suggestions for black or African women just entering or considering an interracial relationship?

Do it and go with it.  It opens up a new world you may not have known otherwise, the world becomes just a little bit more beautiful.

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Thank you so much Farhia and I just have to tell you again; you looked like royalty in your wedding pics and your little family is just beyond beautiful.

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Christine and Masa – East Meets West http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/christine-masa-east-meets-west/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/christine-masa-east-meets-west/#comments Tue, 16 Dec 2014 05:42:02 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=35165  Masa and Christine This is another online dating success story.  Chris and Masa met in February 2013 on Match.com.  Chris was looking for and found a guy who met all her criteria.  She was looking for a quality, marriage minded Asian man who wanted a family.  Masa on the other hand was not having so […]

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Christine-and-Masa

 Masa and Christine

This is another online dating success story.  Chris and Masa met in February 2013 on Match.com.  Chris was looking for and found a guy who met all her criteria.  She was looking for a quality, marriage minded Asian man who wanted a family.  Masa on the other hand was not having so much luck and was about ready to close down his account when he got Chris’ email.  From Chris’ profile, she was too good to be true and Masa was intrigued.  He responded to Chris and they hit it off.  Masa was smitten and after a few phone calls they met.  Masa was everything Chris wanted and Chris was the answer to Masa’s prayers.

After their first dates the newly in love couple became inseparable.  By early May, Masa presented Chris with a beautiful diamond ring and she presented him with a date.  Since Masa is from Japan and that is where his family lives, he and Chris told his family the big news by Skype.  Masa’s mother cried, not out of disgust or shame, but happy tears.  Too bad that Masa’s family could not attend his wedding to the love of his life, but all is well.  Masa’s family loves Chris and will get to meet her in 2015 when Masa takes her to Japan for a visit.  Chris can hardly wait.

In late May 2013, Chris and Masa were married in a simple ceremony with her family and a few of their friends.  They had a quick honey moon weekend in Canada came back and returned to work.  They are planning their family and future.  Proof again, that when two, well vetted and committed people are on the same page, there is no need for a long and drawn out courtship.  Wishing this happy couple a wonderful future together.

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Justin and Krystal – 18th Century Class and Elegance http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/justin-krystal-18th-century-class-elegance/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/justin-krystal-18th-century-class-elegance/#comments Mon, 10 Nov 2014 18:43:43 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=34556   I found Krystal and Justin’s wedding on WedLuxe Magazine.  I could not take my eyes off this classy couple and their Parisian and Versailles-themed wedding and reception.     These beautiful photographs were done by Corina V. Photography.  The venue at the Liberty Grand Entertainment Complex was perfect for the architect couple who met while studying architecture.  The […]

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Justin and Krystal 7

 

I found Krystal and Justin’s wedding on WedLuxe Magazine.  I could not take my eyes off this classy couple and their Parisian and Versailles-themed wedding and reception.

 

Justin and Krystal

 

These beautiful photographs were done by Corina V. Photography.  The venue at the Liberty Grand Entertainment Complex was perfect for the architect couple who met while studying architecture.  The photos are beyond gorgeous and glamorous.  The rest of these fabulous photos can be seen on Wedluxe Magazine.

 

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Justin and Krystal’s engagement photos are just as beautiful as the wedding pics.  Krystal wanted a Marie Antoinette themed shoot and that is what she got.  Krystal provided the props for the 18th Century background.  The rest of Justin and Krystal’s phenomenal engagement photos can also be seen at Corina V. Photography.

 

Justin and Krystal engagement 1

 

 

 

 

Justin and Krystal engagement 2

 

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What a lovely lovely couple!

 

 

 

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Cross posted on IMF

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From Uganda to Serbia, Rose Bugarčić’s Incredible Journey http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/uganda-serbia-rose-bugarcics-incredible-journey/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/uganda-serbia-rose-bugarcics-incredible-journey/#comments Fri, 24 Oct 2014 15:09:50 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=32172 From Uganda to Serbia, Rose Bugarčić’s Incredible Journey   Decision on employment presented by the Minister Ivica Dacic (Photo A. Vasiljevic)   Rose Bugarčić I am happy with the title of “SwirlQueen” bequeathed to me by BB&W founder Mrs. Christelyn Karazin.  It suits me well.  However these days I feel more like a “Swirl Huntress”.  […]

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From Uganda to Serbia, Rose Bugarčić’s Incredible Journey

 

Rose BugarčićDecision on employment presented by the Minister Ivica Dacic (Photo A. Vasiljevic)

 

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Rose Bugarčić

I am happy with the title of “SwirlQueen” bequeathed to me by BB&W founder Mrs. Christelyn Karazin.  It suits me well.  However these days I feel more like a “Swirl Huntress”.  I scour the Internet and all corners of the world to find black woman interracial marriage and relationships.   Last year I found Rose Bugarčić.  In 2011 Rosa Josiah Mirembe Abbott Bugarčić or simply Rose, became the first black woman to be appointed to the Serbian government, specifically the Ministry of Internal Affairs. Originally from Uganda, is married to Serbian Zivko Bugarčić and they live with their 3 children in Belgrade. Minister Ivica Dacic officially charged Rose with the challenge to resolve issues mainly because of her expertise in European integration. She felt the need to do her part and contribute to Serbia’s application to the European Union.  I don’t know Rose, but I am awfully proud of her.   She must have overcome tremendous odds to achieve such lofty status.  Hat’s off to you Minister Bugarčić!

 

FoNet-DAÈIÆ-BUGARÈIÆ

 

 

Originally from Uganda, Rose graduated with an Agriculture degree there in 1994. She went to the Netherlands to a seminar on new technologies in potato cultivation where she met her future husband Zivko. They traveled to Uganda to meet her family, and from there they went to Guca, Serbia where Zivko was born and met his family. The couple and their children have lived in Serbia for the last 15 years.

Zivko and Rose met in the Netherlands.

 Zivko and Rose met in the Netherlands.

 

When asked what she thought about living in Serbia, Rose thinks it is very nice. But there was the issue of the weather. Rose did not leave the house during the first two Winters when they lived in Guca. She could not get used to the cold. So they just kept fires going. It was also a challenge to Rose tying to master Serbian so Zivko served as her translator. But before too long, Rose learned to speak Serbian fluently. And she even learned the Cyrillic alphabet so well that she was able to read Politika, a newspaper. The children, who are Afro-Serbian speak Serbian and English but unfortunately don’t know too much of their mother’s native tongue. Rose relinquished her Ugandan citizenship preferring to become a naturalized citizen of Serbia.

 

Zivko and Rose and children

Rose Bugarčić with children – Nicholas, Mary and Alexander

 

 

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