An interesting discussion is happening on the BB&W fan page because I posted this comment:

Ladies, recognize when you are being played. We all know there’s a “good black man” shortage in the BC. So one of these “good black men” came to my blog today crying about how he, an educated, employed black man who wanted a family could NOT find a quality black woman to marry. HORSE SHIT! From his avatar, dude was pretty good looking too. This, in my opinion, is game. I know DOZENS of quality black women SEARCHING for a quality black man, educated and employed and family-oriented that would literally beat down his door. THIS IS GAME. Men who do this appear to want something so that they can be showered with women who want to “fit the bill.” She will cook for him, clean for him, be a lady in public and sex him like a porn star in private–basically “wifey” tryouts. But no woman will ever be enough–he will find any reason at all to find her lacking. So this “good brother” can run through woman after woman all while appearing to be a “good guy.” PLEASE RECOGNIZE GAME.

Now while this blog is mostly for women in interracial relationships, I understand and will never knock a black woman who wants a black man. It’s her choice, and her choice won’t ever hurt me…she might have to freeze dry her eggs, but again, not my problem.

But I DO care about black women being PLAYED by men who KNOW DAMN well that the dating market is wildly and widely skewed to their favor, and who are downright EXPLOITING black women who sincerely want loving relationships with them that lead to marriage. So they say all the right things, and can behave like a pick up artist with a rotation of women in his bed while keeping his halo securely on his head. And you know what happens when a man who says he wants marriage and family, and hasn’t taken you ring shopping? YOU START TO FEEL LIKE CRAP. You wonder, what’s wrong with me, that this man who so passionately wants a wife and family with the right woman, and here I am, and he hasn’t proposed?! I’m not good enough!! I’m gonna have to work harder!! I’m gonna have to come over on Sunday after church and cook him a whole week’s worth of food! I’m gonna have to clean his house! I’m gonna have to learn how to give a better blow job!!

How’s life on the wheel, little hamster?

But don’t think this game is relegated to black men. I once met a successful, good looking lawyer, who is white (and prefers black women) and lives in Atlanta–the mecca of both black and white men who want to date (and exploit) quality, single black women. He complained, while surrounded with GORGEOUS, EDUCATED, AND MARRIAGE-MINDED black women that he just could not find “the one.” BULL SHIT. That man was a cat in a bird house, just running through women and just saying what needed to be said so he could keep a steady rotation of quality tail.

So What’s a Girl to Do?

It’s simple. Don’t listen to what a man says if what he does is the exact opposite. If this man says he’s ready to find his wife, and after 3 months…YES THREE MONTHS…he’s not talking future with YOU in it, LEAVE. Just say, “buh bye.” Why so short, you ask? Because if a man is settled in his education and career and says he’s ready for marriage, it does NOT TAKE FIVE YEARS for him to find his wife.

And here’s another thing you need to understand: sometimes you’re just not that special. And what I mean is, if a man you’re dating is 40 years old and claims to have been looking for his wife for the past decade, don’t think you’re going to be that magical, special snowflake that’s going to get that golden ring. No woman is going to be THAT special, because that woman does not exist, at least in this dimension.

Life is short. Whether you’re a nothing-but-a-brother girl or one who’s open to all, don’t waste your precious youth and fertility with a player disguised as a “good guy.”