Before continue reading, understand that this is a stream of consciousness. It’s a frustration so palpable I have to give it voice…or in this case…words. Recent news from the New York Times, Brookings Institute, and latest victim of a police shooting who couldn’t stand the sight of black women while his dark-skinned grandmother cried for him, I have to ask: Why do you do it?
I’m really serious. How much abuse, sabotage, and neglect are you willing to tolerate before you finally start doing what is best for you? Women of other races are laughing at us, and why? Because the punches we take THEY would NEVER. In my research on relationship dynamics, I can tell you for certain that most women of other cultures (including African women) will do what is necessary to climb out of the dungheap and do what is best for themselves and understand the value of their youth, beauty, and wombs bring, and will do whatever necessary to leverage those assets to capture the gaze of quality men…OF ALL RACES. They are mercenary in ALL aspects–romantically and socially.
This blind loyalty is getting boring, ladies. Are you sick and tired yet? Black women are the most educated at the university, but the dumbest when it comes to mercenary mate selection. We allow for others to convince us (most of the time successfully) to resist our innate urge for protection and provision to be in the service of everything they deem important and we ain’t even in the Top 100.
Black women, we are not doing anyone any favors by grading black men on a curve while we throw every potential pitfall, real or imagined, into the reasons why we don’t entertain the attention from all men EQUALLY. The men who you coddle, while they will never admit it, will hate you for it. They will look at you and see only struggle, while they elevate women of other races and openly express contempt for female blackness.
The sad thing (well pathetic actually) is the constant surprise when we are confronted with these hard truths. How smart would California be if they continued to be surprised that earthquakes happen on occasion, and just pretended it needs to take no measures to reinforce structures and have disaster scenarios put in place?? Many black women twist themselves into pretzels trying to make these contact assaults of truth to be anomalies. Surely that can’t be the norm, could it? How many times do you have to see to make it not an aberration? A hundred times? A thousand?
I’m convinced that many (most) black women suffer from some form of self-defeating personality disorder. It just fell short of the DSM III-R, because of lack of empirical evidence. Perhaps the researchers should have spent some more time examining us. Here’s the definition. Ask yourself how many of the symptoms describe many of the black women you know.
Self-defeating personality disorder is:
- A) A pervasive pattern of self-defeating behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. The person may often avoid or undermine pleasurable experiences, be drawn to situations or relationships in which they will suffer, and prevent others from helping them, as indicated by at least five of the following:
- chooses people and situations that lead to disappointment, failure, or mistreatment even when better options are clearly available (You can’t see me, but I bet you know what I’m thinking.)
- rejects or renders ineffective the attempts of others to help them (ever hear what some black women say about how I’m trying to undo the black community with my “nefarious” message of swirling?)
- following positive personal events (e.g., new achievement), responds with depression, guilt, or a behavior that produces pain (e.g., an accident) (How many black women get a degree and success and feel like they need to date the janitor in order to give back?)
- incites angry or rejecting responses from others and then feels hurt, defeated, or humiliated (e.g., makes fun of spouse in public, provoking an angry retort, then feels devastated) (I don’t really have a quip for this one)
- rejects opportunities for pleasure, or is reluctant to acknowledge enjoying themselves (despite having adequate social skills and the capacity for pleasure) Self-explanatory.
- fails to accomplish tasks crucial to their personal objectives despite having demonstrated ability to do so, e.g., helps fellow students write papers, but is unable to write their own (Or…or…how about this Alex Trebek! Black women having babies without the benefit of marriage even though there’s 20 forms of birth control!)
- is uninterested in or rejects people who consistently treat them well (uhmmmhmmm….)
- engages in excessive self-sacrifice that is unsolicited by the intended recipients of the sacrifice (the only word I would change is the “unsolicited” part. That self-sacrifice is solicited a whole hell of a lot.)
If you’r a black woman and you’re offended by this message, you might suffer from this diagnosis.
I’ll send you the bill.
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