Brenda wanted to comment on this post, but decided she had a lot to say. –CK
Lets face it. Most of the women writing ridiculous articles like the one featured here that was written by black female bloggers are not written in a vacuum. All media, academic and census reports aside, these authors have sisters, girlfriends, co-workers, fellow students, churchgoers etc. who are having a difficult time finding and getting a ring out of their chosen IBM.
What we have here is a subset of black women whom I feel are charlatans because they know full well what current imbalance regarding the number of available and marriageable black men means for black women because many of them live it or have women close to them living it.
Ask yourself just how many of the women who write tripe like that written by these women are themselves married or even close to it. Of the women who proclaim loudly the wonders of Black Love tm, How many are jump offs and multi-year string a longs? How many are single moms who want to marry their child’s dad but can’t because he won’t commit? How many are sharing their man with another woman? How many have not had anything close to a date in years when they are posting their grand statements on whatever blog will accept the submission. How many are “port wives” who only see their man when he is in town? How many are mistresses who have to keep their relationships on the DL so his wife, if he even really has one, does not find out? How many of these NBABM women who claim that they have a “Good Black Man” are actually in one of the situations above? How many married down and are now supporting their families and the one he brought with him all the while attempting to make him presentable to be seen in public during social and business functions? How many are women playing the waiting game while their man serves out his sentence in various parts of the criminal justice system?
So what is the difference between the aforementioned and women like ourselves?
The difference is that the aforementioned cannot for a variety of reasons be it preference, obligation, solidarity, cowardice, lack of imagination, fear etc bring themselves to widen their options and consider a man outside of their race as a candidate for husband. They state they cannot fathom why we can. I think it is more than that.
Rather than admit that they are not successful in finding the quality of man they want, that they are disappointed in the man they chose to settle for they spend their time attempting to throw shade on women who fully exercise their right to date and marry who they want to. They need that precious shade to hide just how less than satisfying up their own situations are.
Most folks do not like being told that they are wrong, that they have misread a situation or that the life choices that they have made are a failure. They do not like to question belief systems that they have been raised with even when the current situation demands it. They do not like being made to look like fools for sitting around waiting for a situation to improve when it never will and then finding out too late that they are left holding the short end of the stick. The do not want to believe that despite all evidence to the contrary that what they thought was right, what they were taught believe is no longer relevant and wrong and no longer works. Basically women like this are attempting to put the best face on a lousy situation by putting lipstick on the back end of a pig and then trying to convince others that all is well in Black Love tm land when they know full well it is not.
Now some women will indeed read the words written by these bloggers and embrace them. They have to, since they validate their own world view and current situations. What they do not want to consider are viewpoints, like the ones found on BWE and IRR blogs that are contrary to their own life situation. Seeing what blogs like these have to say and discovering black women who have made successful lives for themselves by dating and marrying non-black men is unsettling and causes these women to question the validity and quality of their own lives. One does not have to question a less than satisfying situation when all are equally miserable.
We on sites like this one want better than misery. We are not dumb, we have eyes and we know what we have been through and what so many of our fellow black women are going through. We question the reasons why and attempt to set a course of action to live full and happy lives on our own terms. We want no parts of the grand delusion that others attempt to sell to us. We know better. We will speak about what we know. We will blog about what we know we will tell our stories. We will live our lives our way without reservation.