Christmas is here. ‘Tis the season when everyone is supposed to be happy. It’s when we reflect on the blessings of the year and spend time with friends and family. For me as a single black woman, it’s also when I am reminded of what I have wanted most and do not have- my own family.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my sisters and cousins. But it gets old watching other people watch their children open gifts. And while I’m very pleased that my sister and my cousins are still happily married after more than 20 years, I’m also a bit jealous when I see them exchanging gifts with their hubbies. The logical side of me reminds myself that “the grass is always greener on the other side” but it doesn’t stop that small head of envy from raising its green head. As a single, black woman in my mid-40s who chose not to be a single mother, it’s also sometimes a bitter pill realizing the child-bearing years are pretty much done and with it, the dream of having my own kids. Opening gifts at Christmas-time with my extended family actually makes me depressed because it isn’t what I really want. So what to do?

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