Beyond Black & White » Family http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Fri, 24 Oct 2014 21:24:04 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.0 Do We Give Female Domestic Violence Abusers a Pass? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/give-female-domestic-violence-abusers-pass/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/give-female-domestic-violence-abusers-pass/#comments Thu, 02 Oct 2014 04:55:22 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=33743 In the last few weeks there has been a lot of uproar about domestic violence in the light of the Ray Rice scandal and others as well. Professional soccer player Hope Solo is being charged with domestic violence (she assaulted her sister and her nephew) but she is still actively playing her sport and she […]

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society, culture, rage, angry black woman, health, emotional health, hostility, depression, abuse, reflection, perception, patience, rage, disorders, therapy

In the last few weeks there has been a lot of uproar about domestic violence in the light of the Ray Rice scandal and others as well. Professional soccer player Hope Solo is being charged with domestic violence (she assaulted her sister and her nephew) but she is still actively playing her sport and she is confident she will be aquitted. I cannot stress enough how important it is to hold men accountable for their abusive ways  against women, my concern when it comes to domestic violence and violence in general is WHY is it that we as women (and society at large) are quick to want to see the heads of violent men on a platter but are strangely silent when it comes to violence and abuse at the hands of women.. Just because we as women may not be able to utilize the same physical strength when it comes to violence does not mean that we are not capable of violent behavior ourselves. We have other ways of doing serious damage that leaves no forensic evidence many times. It is a sad thing in our society that many times abusive and violent women get a pass and we provide all kinds of excuses for her behavior regardless of the actions she has done or we just simply ignore it.

In my personal experience throughout my life I have experienced more violent expression at the hands of other females that I ever have a man (Even on my FB page). When I was in school all the way up until I graduated, the most violent aggressive behavior I ever saw coming at me or other young teenage girls was at the hands of other teenage girls!! I had a few skirmishes with the boys but those were no more than just foolish words and teasing, the girls were the ones that made my life and  the lives of many other girls hell not only because they could be mean spirited but could get violent and many times did. And again I and note hypocrisy that we will express outrage even as grown women if we hear a story on the news about a quarterback or two in high school who sexually assaulted young girl, but we will say nothing or hardly anything if that same teenage girl is ganged up on in a bathroom and bullied or beaten up by a bunch of insecure females sometimes simply because “she thinks she’s cute”.
We have no problem rejoicing over a man sent to prison for murdering his pregnant wife or girlfriend, but express sympathy or silence for woman who repeatedly runs over her husband with her Mercedes when she found that he was cheating on her (True story). She was “distraught” we justify. She beats the crap out of her kids? “Maybe she was stressed”, we justify. Same goes for things like pedophilia, we want that 35-year-old male math teacher castrated and locked up for sleeping with his 14-year-old female student but that 30-year-old female history teacher who was sleeping with her 15-year-old male student? She was just confused and lonely. And we never call her a pedophile which is what she is. We may express a little disgust at her but we certainly don’t riot in the streets and twitter it to death. She may even get her wedding to her now grown lover covered on Entertainment Tonight (Mary Lay Letourneau) and we don’t bat an eye.

If we are going to have this discussion, then we have to cover all the ground. I am not looking for “fairness” as much as I am unbiased accountability when it comes to things like this. We have plenty of stories about violent men, here are some quotes from people who have suffered DV at the hands of women:

“My friend had an abusive wife who hit him and kicked him in the balls. He called the cops and while he waited for them outside, she grabbed her own throat and squeezed hard and long enough to make a mark. Nobody noticed the mark was the same size as her tiny hand, they simply took her crying word for it & whisked him off to jail. He had to take a plea for domestic violence even though she didn’t want to charge him.”

“I’m a six foot one twenty two stone biker with military history and a vicious streak…
But only for other men…
I lived with a violent woman for too many years and she pushed me into a breakdown simply because the evil bitch knew I wouldn’t hit her on principle of being a real man…
Real men DONT hit women”

“Women are just as capable of violence as men. No one stepped to the man’s aid because no one thought he was in danger – because no one takes women seriously as a threat.”

“I never hit her back, but I was forced to restrain her a few times when she came at me with a knife all drunk or jumped on top of me and proceeded to punch me in the face continuously. I shoved her off of me once And she cut her foot on something real bad, but I had to because she WAS attacking me with a big heavy glass ashtray. needless to say I left her.”

“She spanked us without warning and pitted my sister and I against each other,” said the 45-year-old, who now works in a recording studio. “She was very clever at using emotional abuse to get my sister and I to do what she wanted. The two emotions I remember growing up were fear and obligation.”

“Pamela, now 52 and the mother of two, remembers her mother screaming that she hated the children, threatening to leave and never come back. “We formed a human chain against the door but she threw us to the side and left getting in her car and driving away.”

Pamela doesn’t know how long her mother was gone, but the “record player of her hateful words still play in my mind.”

According to the Centers For Disease Control and Prevention, an estimated 56 percent of all abusers — physical, mental and sexual — are women, The most common form is psychological. “Neglect and emotional abuse are every bit as damaging as sexual abuse.”, said Dr. Phillip Muskin, professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University. With these numbers, why are not women held to the same level of accountability  as men when it comes to abuse? Is it because many women are good at not showing evidence? Or manipulating the circumstances in their favor like one of the women above who squeezed her own neck to lie to the police to hide her assault against her boyfriend? I remember a girl I went to school with, a classic mean girl. She was an “A” student, student body president and the teachers loved her, but when the teachers and administrators were not looking, she was a monster. It was very hard to address her behavior because the teachers just could not “believe” she would do such things. I suspect that is how a lot of women get away with things as well because we as a society just cannot believe women the “frail flowers” they are capable of such manifestations of violence. A colleague of mine, a victim of bullying as a youth (female) had this to say:

“…in general females try to cover their tracks using the tendency of people to not believe that girls can be violent to their advantage.”

Many women complain about not being equal with men, but I think that’s more about the paycheck and the bigger corner office because when it comes to accountability about our own potential violent or abusive behavior we’re not as loud about it as we are with men. Somehow we justify it because their physical strength manifests the bruises and black eyes( and believe me when I tell you I am not excusing that behavior) but somehow we just can’t bring ourselves to be as outraged when a woman poisons her husband or boyfriend to death because there are no physical signs of bruising on his body or beats her children out of the house (literally). We operate in hypocrisy in the name of selective outrage. Why? Do we somehow believe in our minds that women simply are incapable of being dangerously violent on the same level as men? Or because statistically  the numbers are not that huge (so we think) so therefore it is not an issue.

We get pissed off at men who respond to our reactions to things by saying we are “hormonal” or “emotional” etc. How DARE they? But when our a** is on the line in regards to being held accountable just like the man for our outrageous behavior, then all of a sudden our va-jay-jays matter as well our hormones and emotions. we talk all day long about wanting to be equal with men and be a part of the boys club but funny we don’t want the accountability when we are caught like the men. Then come the tears and the pleas for “understanding” “I’m a girl,” we whine.

I am not bashing my own gender I am calling for accountability. BELIEVE ME I am very aware that globally women are the main victims of violence on all levels. What  I am addressing is the focus we give on the GENDER of the aggressor. A man hits a woman? We are pissed and we want his head.  A woman hits another woman or a man? Not so much. in fact if it is on a reality show we whip out the popcorn and enjoy the show.  Truthfully, when women are violent against men, it is met with humor and ridicule. “He is weak, he is a punk,” we say to ourselves never taking her violent behavior seriously but if that same guy rises to defend himself against her, he is the monster even if she is the aggressor in the altercation. After all he is supposed to exercise full self control and she is absolved of such a requirement because after all, she is a girl.

I’m a woman myself and as I said I don’t give men a pass, their mess goes without saying but I think we unfairly decide what denotes being violent. We automatically cosign against the violence if we see footage of a man beating his girlfriend unconscious or to death and we hashtag all about it, but what about a cancer research scientist whose lover refuses to dump his other girlfriend so she poisons his coffee in an attempt to kill him? (a true story trending in the news right now) SILENCE. Or a woman beats her kids almost to death? SILENCE. When the molester is a female? SILENCE. A female athlete assaults family members? SILENCE. When the bullies are girls? SILENCE. Yet when that same code of silence runs rampant in the NFL and other male dominated arenas on the matter, then we find our voices and verbalize quite loudly the outrage.

A member of my family was a victim of domestic violence as little girl along with her siblings but do you know the abuser was? Her MOTHER not her father. This lovely wife of a minister did this 50 to 60 years ago and she hid her violence under a slew of religious service and public performance. The community adored her, what a wonderful woman she was, but at home her kids knew a different person that had them terrified. She could not leave or escape and had to endure that abuse until she joined the military at the age of 17.

When it comes to domestic violence we always talk about the men but never the women and if we are going to have this discussion about violent behavior and we are going to be outraged, then we need to be outraged on both sides of the fence no matter who’s doing the hitting or the killing and stop using our va-jay jays conveniently as an EXCUSE to not be held fully accountable.

Bruises, injuries and death are not gender specific.

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The Nation of Social Media Hate Comes for Omari Hardwick’s Wife…. http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/nation-social-media-hate-comes-omari-hardwicks-wife/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/nation-social-media-hate-comes-omari-hardwicks-wife/#comments Fri, 26 Sep 2014 21:09:25 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=33574 by Tracy Renee Jones For those of you who judge human’s based on character and not skin color, I applaud you. I also need you to realize that there are many people left in society who are petty, cruel and jealous over the lives established by people who have nothing to do with them. The […]

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by

Tracy Renee Jones

For those of you who judge human’s based on character and not skin color, I applaud you. I also need you to realize that there are many people left in society who are petty, cruel and jealous over the lives established by people who have nothing to do with them. The most recent example of this can be found in the recent situation faced by actor Omari Hardwick and his wife, Jennifer Pfautch, a white woman. As social media celebrated the premier of his most recent project, Power, others took the time to throw low blows at the woman he has been married to since 2012.

Omari 5Were Black women included in the hate parade…? Of course they were. It’s entirely too simplistic to think they weren’t. I’d even ask why would any male throw shade at a man’s wife? Why would some random chick care that he’s married to Jennifer? But you can decide for yourself where the hate came from.

Omari 4

His response to the online backlash included thanking those who came to his defense and wishing harm AND healing for those who felt comfortable bullying his wife from behind a computer screen. Omari 1

Crazy that celebrity isn’t even a prerequisite for gaining online haters. Teens, males, and females of the everyday persuasion can become victims of online hate simply because some worthless nut bag of a wasted opportunity to use birth control thinks its entertaining to bother people just because they can.

Omari 2Omari 3

 

Black women may turn a blind eye to this type of bullying because ‘it doesn’t affect them’ which I can understand but for the paradox presented in the fact that it will take the effort of men and women of all shades and colors to SHAME these online bullies into keeping their hate and ignorance to themselves.

Yes, Black women aren’t in abundance of those coming to their defense but can’t we change that by defending abuse where ever we see it?

Civilized behavior should not be a fringe benefit of being a man’s wife, because not all of us are married and you see where I’m going with that. I believe we’re capable of better behavior than the days of feudal ‘wife as chattel…don’t hurt my proper-tee’ laws and apparently even that doesn’t cut it nowadays. It’s great that he came to her defense but I’m bummed that the situation occurred that caused him to have to.

I wish him well with his new show.

And if you see a bully, confront a bully.

Be the change that you desire.

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That Awkward Moment When Numbskulls Assume Your Biracial Baby Isn’t Yours… http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/awkward-moment-numbskulls-assume-biracial-baby-isnt/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/awkward-moment-numbskulls-assume-biracial-baby-isnt/#comments Tue, 08 Jul 2014 16:08:24 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=31535 Last night, my husband Sean was holding our 16-month-old daughter Maya as we were boarding a flight from BWI to MCO. As we stepped onto the plane, one of your flight attendants opened her mouth and inserted her foot quite deeply inside. Flight attendant to Maya: Hi there! Are you going to see Mickey?Sean: Nah. […]

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Last night, my husband Sean was holding our 16-month-old daughter Maya as we were boarding a flight from BWI to MCO. As we stepped onto the plane, one of your flight attendants opened her mouth and inserted her foot quite deeply inside.

Maya on plane
Flight attendant to Maya: Hi there! Are you going to see Mickey?
Sean: Nah. We’re headed home.
Flight attendant: Well, that explains where she got that tan!

(Miraculously, though he also lives in Florida, my incredibly pale husband does not have said tan.)

I turned to look at my husband and he gave me a smirk. Neither of us said a word. (I’m sure this is floating around in your unresponsive PR department/social media team’s periphery since I tweeted about it not long after it happened.)

You see, my husband is white and I’m black. Naturally, our mixed child is a beautiful blend of his redheaded Scottish/German genes and my East Indian-Chinese-Black-White Caribbean background. It’s not a tan; it’s her complexion; one that she inherited from us.

When we sat down, we were hurt and furious. It lingered for the entire flight. For two hours, I kept reliving the moment—how an off-handed comment could completely ruin our flight experience. Should I have said something back? My husband wondered if he should have. We murmured quietly about it, dissecting the encounter, as Maya slept in my arms.

Because this is what it means to have a mixed family: To deal with questions about if she’s ours, the looks, to be stung by comments made thoughtlessly and move on, to wonder if they were intentionally hurtful or simply thoughtless, to constantly question if you’re overreacting or not. To forgive them anyway.

unnamed

When we chose to fly with Southwest Airlines, we did not sign up to have to face this moment again. And while we are all but certain that she meant no harm, it is undeniable that it was incredibly insensitive and reflective of great cultural ignorance. We expected more from Southwest and its staff and, quite frankly, you should, too.

When finally we landed, I carried Maya off of the flight, my husband striding protectively ahead of us as if to stave off another encounter. She’s not old enough to know yet how the world sees her, but one day she will. And we hope she will deal with it with more tact and sensitivity than she receives.


Are you part of a mixed family and have faced similar situations? How have you dealt with them?

UPDATE: Southwest Airlines submitted this response to Kari:

Dear Kari,

We received your e-mail and tweet regarding your travel with us back home to Orlando on July 6, and we’re so sorry to learn that you had such an atypical Southwest experience.  We appreciate the opportunity to research this situation and respond to your concerns.

We pride ourselves on being a family airline, which means not only treating Passengers like family, but creating a comfortable atmosphere for family air travel.  With that being said, we were concerned to hear about your interaction with one of our Flight Attendants onboard Flight # 540, and we sincerely regret any discomfort or embarrassment you experienced as a result of your conversation with her when she was greeting your family as you boarded.

We realize that an Employee’s attitude when handling a situation may be remembered long after the actual incident is forgotten.  Rest assured, demonstrating a biased, hurtful attitude based on one’s appearance is not condoned at Southwest Airlines.  Indeed, discrimination for any reason is wrong.  Our Company could not survive if we believed otherwise.  In fact, a cursory view of our workforce, as well as our expansive, multi-cultural Customer base, is a reliable indicator that we exalt and appreciate diversity.  And, it is in this spirit that we apologize for having left you questioning our Flight Attendant’s behavior on earlier this week.

Regardless of the circumstances, we care about the impression we leave on our Customers, and we want them to know that their complaints are taken seriously.  Our Company fully understands that few people would take time to pen a complaint or a blog post unless they truly feel mistreated or otherwise disillusioned by their experience, which is why we carefully reviewed our Flight Attendant’s performance and want to learn from your comments.  As such, we hope you’ll rest assured knowing that the appropriate Leaders have been provided a copy of your correspondence for review and internal followup.

All in all, it is obvious that we have not scored a very “high grade” with you in regard to this situation, and I’d like to invite you back for a more typical Southwest experience.  As a gesture of goodwill and means of facilitating this wish, I’ve issued you a $100.00 Southwest LUV Voucher (SLV), which will arrive in a separate e-mail within the next two to three weeks days.  Instructions on the voucher will explain how to use it when booking travel with us and we hope it is received in the intended spirit.

We are keenly aware that our ability to stay the Leader in the industry when it comes to service depends on the overall satisfaction of our Customers.  We ask that you not allow this one incident to deter your family from traveling with us in the future.  You have our word that we will continue to do our very best to meet (and exceed) your expectations, and nothing would please us more than to share the skies with you, your husband and your daughter for many years to come as your business is important to us.

Sincerely,

Shannon Whitney, Southwest Airlines Headquarters

 

Kari Cobham is a Trinidad-born, Florida-based writer, editor and social media strategist. A former award-winning journalist at The Daytona Beach News-Journal, her work has been featured on MSNBC’s Today Books, Orlando Sentinel, SHE and Caribbean Beat magazines. You can follow her on Twitter @KariWrites.

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Interracial Friendly States, City by City, County by County! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/interracial-friendly-states-city-city-county-county/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/interracial-friendly-states-city-city-county-county/#comments Mon, 07 Jul 2014 06:02:49 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=31480 I’m working on a master list NEVER BEEN DONE before (not sure why, tho) on an interracial dating blog. Back when I co-work Swirling, we created a list of interracial-friendly cities and states, and some of them were not really a surprise–Los Angeles and pretty much all of California, parts of Texas, some fly over […]

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I’m working on a master list NEVER BEEN DONE before (not sure why, tho) on an interracial dating blog. Back when I co-work Swirling, we created a list of interracial-friendly cities and states, and some of them were not really a surprise–Los Angeles and pretty much all of California, parts of Texas, some fly over states, and swaths of regions on the East Coast and South. But…we went really general. So today I thought to myself, “Self, why not pool from the incredible IR community you’re connected to and get really specific?! By the way, Self, you need to really wash your hair and you smell like soup.” 

So I’m off building the MASTER IR-FRIENDLY LIST of CITIES, COUNTIES, NEIGHBORHOODS and TOWNSHIPS that you can feel free to pursue employment, real estate, and vacation spots and know for certain that no one will throw stones, harass you, or otherwise make you feel miserable. It’s also an awesome list for the single girls and gents who are contemplating relocation.

HiRes

So here’s the working list. I’m working with the folks at InterracialDating.com to create some sort of info graphic or interactive map because we both just love you guys to pieces.

So do me a favor, folks. Look at the list and feel free to confirm, deny, vehemently debate, agree, disagree, or add your city, county, state or township along with a reason or two why it’s a good place for us to plant some roots.

Swirl-Friendly Cities

Oak Park, IL
Temecula, CA
Hampton Roads, VA
Austin, TX
Fairfax County, VA
Mount Airy, PA (predominately black—might not be a fit)
Louden County, VA
Tarrant County Arlington, TX
Maple Shade, NJ
Fredericksburg, Stafford County, Virginia
Denton, TX
Long Island, NY
Manhattan, NY
New Haven, CT
 Coventry, CT
Riverside, CA
Bay City, MI
Lefferts Garden, Brooklyn
Maplewood, NJ
Arlington, TX
Las Vegas, NV
San Francisco, CA
Los Angeles, CA
Oakland, CA
Pittsburgh, PA
Irvine, CA
Santa Monica, CA
Stockton, CA
Chapel Hill, Carrboro NC
Ann Arbor, MI
Royal Oak, MI
Ferndale,MI
Phoenix, AZ
Denver, CO
Fairfield County, CT
Porter Ranch, CA
Corona, CA
Dayton, OH
Seattle, WA
Pensacola, FL
Honolulu, HI
St. Louis, MO
San Diego, CA
San Joaquin County, CA
Tulsa, OK (?)
Monclair, NJ
Newark Ohio
Aurora, CO
Colorado Springs, Greeley, Boulder, and Longmont, CO
Washington Park, Stapleton, South Denver, and Thornton, CO
Greensboro, High Point, Winston-Salem, NC
St. Petersburg, Florida
Plantation FL
Pembroke Pines, FL
Vancouver, WA
Portland, OR
Myrtle Beach, SC
Berkley County, West Virginia
Boston, MA (really?)
Plano, TX
Sacramento, CA
Columbus, OH
Nashville, TN (ask Whitney)
Moorhead, Minnesota
Rogers, AR
Jacksonville Florida
Elkhart IN
Newark, DE
New Orleans, LA
Orlando, FL
South Haven, MI
Muskegon, MI
Charlotte, NC
Kannapolis, NC
San Antonio, TX
Raleigh, NC
Jersey City, NJ
Minneapolis, MN
Cerritos, CA
Long Beach, CA
Tampa, FL
Louisville, KY
Kalamazoo County, Michigan
Baton Rouge, LA
 Biloxi, MS
Lynchburg, VA
Virginia Beach, VA
Norwalk, CA
San Tan Valley, AZ
Decatur Illinois
White Bear Lake, MN
Cleveland, OH
Polk County, FL
Greater West Palm Beach, FL
Anaheim, CA
Reading, PA
Daytona Beach, FL
Fort Lauderdale, FL
Moline, IL
Kent,OH
Morgantown, WV
Columbus, OH
Canton, OH
Miami, FL
Hanford, CA
Placervile, CA
Newburgh, NY
Wasilla, Alaska
Waterloo, Iowa
Homerville, GA
Moorhead, MN
Rogers, AR
Elmira, NY (called Zebratown)
Newington, CT
Decatur, AL
Miami Dade, FL
Spring Hill, FL
Baytown, TX
Lexington, KY
Houston, TX (I’m skeptical)
Antioch, CA
Sandusky, OH
Woodstock, GA
Savannah, GA
St. Louis, MO
Muskegon, MI
Lancaster, PA
Birmingham, AL (really?!)
Columbia, MO
South Haven, Michigan
Smithfield, VA
Tacoma, WA
Atlanta, GA
Racine, WI
Rochester, NY

 

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Halle Ordered to Pay $16K a Month in Child Support. Is it Fair? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/halle-ordered-pay-16k-month-child-support-fair/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/halle-ordered-pay-16k-month-child-support-fair/#comments Tue, 10 Jun 2014 18:10:40 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=31026 Trending right now is the unusual court decision handed down that Halle Berry pay her daughter’s father, Gabriel Aubrey, $16,000 per month in child support in a joint custody arrangement. And I see some women on my timeline kinda pissed off about it. Bottom line, as a working model, Gabriel Aubrey’s income isn’t even in […]

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Trending right now is the unusual court decision handed down that Halle Berry pay her daughter’s father, Gabriel Aubrey, $16,000 per month in child support in a joint custody arrangement. And I see some women on my timeline kinda pissed off about it.

Bottom line, as a working model, Gabriel Aubrey’s income isn’t even in the same solar system as Halle, who has been making movies in Hollywood for over 20 years. And you know what? It’s fair. We talk about feminism being about equality and moving more toward a gender-neutral society, this court ruling is a likely result of that theory in practice. The judge didn’t care one wit that the man in the relationship made less money. While Gabriel probably isn’t living the life of a pauper, he’s probably not living the jet setting lifestyle of his ex. Plus having seen him in real life, dude really isn’t at the top of his game shape-wise. I doubt his calendar is overflowing with gigs.

Oh and another thing–I don’t believe for one second that Gabriel Aubrey called Halley the n-word. What I suspect was that Halle wasn’t counting on Gabriel not only sticking around to raise his daughter, but having the gall to legally (and physically) fight for her. Halle’s father didn’t bother to stick around, and I’m sure there’s some psychological stuff going on there, and I’m hoping out loud that she’s not trying to impose her pain onto Nahla. It sounds crazy, but some mothers really can be jealous of their daughter’s relationship with their father, especially if the mother’s father abandoned her. Trust me. I know from first-hand experience.

Like I’ve mentioned, I happened to be in a cabana right next to Gabriel, Nahla and an unknown woman who had about three kids with her during Easter break. Gabriel was completely focused on Nahla and the other kids. He swam with them, playfully threw them into the pool, played ping pong…the kids were literally chanting his name. I’ll admit he was kinds of a douche to the adults around him, but her was amazing with the kids.

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Gabriel supervising the children while they swam

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Nahla taking a break from swimming to munch on lunch

I know a lot of you guys here are Team Halle, but frankly, I’m Team Nahla.

*By the way, these images are my property. No swiping without permission, ummkay?

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Let Um Know…. I’m Not Here for THAT!! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/let-um-know-im/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/let-um-know-im/#comments Tue, 10 Jun 2014 03:52:08 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=30991 Time for a public service announcement from the good people that occupy the head space of Tracy Renee Jones. Read for clarity and content if you never have before. There comes a time in a girl’s life when she has to set things straight. I’m not one for confusion. Anyone who knows me also knows […]

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Time for a public service announcement from the good people that occupy the head space of Tracy Renee Jones. Read for clarity and content if you never have before.

There comes a time in a girl’s life when she has to set things straight. I’m not one for confusion. Anyone who knows me also knows that if you want an answer, or a solution, I got you. If you want a response, and a suggestion then you need to look further.

What’s the difference between the two?

I tell it like it is.

I know what I’m talking about and last, but not least, I don’t need to be qualified by nary’ a soul walking the Earth. When I take the time out of my precious existence to participate in life I do so with the intention of assisting others in their endeavors to be better people.

You can take or leave me.

In real life. I am comfortable in my skin. I like me and what I say. I like what I do and the people I do it with. Whomever is free to accept me or leave me where I stand, and I am free to do the same. Those who don’t agree with me or my lifestyle, or decisions can’t do anything about it beyond being mad about it.

Not being at the whim of others means that I get to determine who and what I am. I present to you the most authentic version of myself up to date. Not concerning myself with whether or not I am accepted is the most freeing thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.

I do what please me, up to and including things other may look down upon. What works for me, works for me, and I advise you to do what is within your power for your own good, because I sure will.

When you read my writing and don’t like what I’ve said, don’t try to change me, instead, go say your own shit and promote your own cause. Focusing on you and your specific groove is way more productive than trying to police my grown woman magic.

Think I’m concerned with being liked and accepted by individuals or nations? I mean, it’s nice to receive positive reinforcement, but my value is based on how I feel about me and mines, first and foremost. I won’t die from dislike. I’m not going to suffer a terminal illness due to shade-ism. I won’t shake in my boots behind angry Tweets and keyboard thugs.

I give no fucks.

And I use the appropriate words to express such.

I’m not here to please word police. I use all words especially since people fear words more than they do the concept behind their meaning.

I’m not here to adhere to false and sexist rules of appropriate gender behavior. You may think it crass and forward to approach a man, I have more men than I know what to do with based on what works for me, including flirting and approaching men I find interesting.

I’m not here to attend your pity party. I am an empathetic ear, I am understanding, but I am not interested in spending too much time while a person spins their ‘whoa is me’ wheels.

I’m not here to coddle the needy. I can’t become your reason for living or the human representation of hopefulness. I won’t allow you to put that on me.

I’m not here to please men, or women, unless it contributes to me pleasing myself.

I’m not here to be politically correct. Change requires activities that shake up the typical, not ones that uphold and perpetuates it.

I’m not here to do what you want me to do. YOU don’t matter. Harsh but true.

I’m not here to adapt to behaviors that aren’t serving the desired goal. Keep your advice about how to do things when you’ve never been me, or like me, or subject to anything I’m trying to accomplish. Have you dated men? Are you a gay male or a female who has successfully dated? No, then why are you talking?

I’m not here to play-nice or cheer lead. I think you are great, I hope you do too but I’m not going to convince you of the fact if you disagree, maybe you are hopeless.

I’m not here to do anything beyond those things that are true to me and what serves my goals.

Selfish and self centered?!

Could be.

But if I don’t focus on the center of myself, then who shall?

In the end, if you want to have a little piece of mind then I suggest you learn to waltz to your own disco music.

Learn to paint your own photograph and do these things in the clear understanding that someone, somewhere, will disagree or dislike you and there’s nothing you can do to change that.

Sometimes, people just dislike you because you have the courage to be you. People may hate you for simply breathing because they don’t think you deserve air. There are folks out in the world that will come to you with their shit and expect you to care about their shit more than you care about your own.

Jump through hoops if you choose.

Bend over backwards and wait on the reward if you dare.

Listen to everyone’s needs but your own and I can almost guarantee that you’ll lose yourself in the midst of it all and for what? Only to find out that their version of you isn’t your version of you?

To them, I say, I ain’t here for all that!

You will lose some friends when you become more self determined. You will gain self respect and the satisfaction of showing others that you accept yourself first.

Don’t be scared to be a one woman show.

Having the power to turn the interest of others off is an amazing thing.

 

You should try it sometimes.

Or not.

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