Beyond Black & White http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Sat, 07 Apr 2018 17:00:06 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.5 Matthew Hussey Has Girlfriend and I’ve Got Stuff On Him. http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/matthew-hussey-girlfriend-ive-got-stuff/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/matthew-hussey-girlfriend-ive-got-stuff/#respond Thu, 01 Mar 2018 19:54:58 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43951 Relationship megastar and best-selling author, Matthew Hussey is currently making national news because he’s been spotted kissing Havanna singer Camila Cabello. Of course she dark-haired and mysterious…totally Matthew’s type. Beyond Black & White was one of the first media outlets based in the United States to discover Matthew Hussey, and I have worked with him for […]

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Relationship megastar and best-selling author, Matthew Hussey is currently making national news because he’s been spotted kissing Havanna singer Camila Cabello. Of course she dark-haired and mysterious…totally Matthew’s type.

Beyond Black & White was one of the first media outlets based in the United States to discover Matthew Hussey, and I have worked with him for years.

He has always been sincere in his mission to empower women to get the guy of their dreams. But…we were a little different. When he was a guest on this blog, the focus was black women and interracial relationships. Matthew has never spoken so directly about this in other media outlets that he did here.

The videos Matthew and I have done together have reached millions of views, but if you look for them on YouTube, you’ll notice they’re all gone. They’re now in “the vault” and only available on the Beyond Black & White School platform. Hours of gems you’ll hear Matthew drop, along with a few hints about his own personal preferences are included. There’s even one video that has never been seen…ever.

Matthew is an incredibly private person but he does share insights about his life to those close to him. I’ve always known he’s had an affinity for the dark-haired beauties, and has NEVER had a problem dating black women. He has done so on quite a few occasions.

So if you’d like to get a peek at Matthew “letting his hair down,” flirting, joking and dropping gems, you’ll only ever see it here.

Otherwise you can just imagine what he might be like by reading the tabloids. 😉

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

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Yes, Education Still Matters http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/yes-education-still-matters/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/yes-education-still-matters/#respond Wed, 28 Feb 2018 18:03:15 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43939 The workforce is a chaotic place today. You’ve got some sectors hiring and others laying off. You’ve got celebrities and high-ranking government officials saying that what we need is people with skills, not necessarily a bachelor’s degree, but you’ve also got university presidents and education advocates saying there’s no substitute for higher education. It can […]

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The workforce is a chaotic place today. You’ve got some sectors hiring and others laying off. You’ve got celebrities and high-ranking government officials saying that what we need is people with skills, not necessarily a bachelor’s degree, but you’ve also got university presidents and education advocates saying there’s no substitute for higher education.

It can be really overwhelming if you’re hitting the job market. What you need is some certainties, some consistency in the message of just what on earth you are supposed to do to get a good job that can provide the life that you want.

Let me throw you some truth here about exactly what will get you hired in this job market.

In just a couple minutes of internet searching, you can probably find 200 positions that you can apply for. You just keep on clicking and you’ll keep on applying. It feels like a worker’s market, and to a great extent, it is.

But the only way to really understand what’s going on and what you should do is to see this market from the back side. With so many job listing services out there, it’s incredibly easy to post positions far and wide, with little expense and effort. That makes it an employer’s market because they get the pick of the litter—a litter that’s bigger than it’s ever been.

So on that back side, the side where the HR personnel are working, is the avalanche created by hundreds and thousands of people just like you, clicking like crazy on listings. The positions that once got dozens of applicants now get hundreds, and there may be fewer people than ever working to sort through those names.

Check that: Those numbers. You’re a number, and your only hope is to set yourself apart from the hundreds of other numbers. Whatever you see on the evening news about people who work hard and think big being the best workers, the fact is that education still matters. Your masters in fashion merchandising will take you much further than the next applicant’s panache and overloaded walk-in closet. It’s that simple.

One of the tools they use for that is education, and while we can all cite instances where best-educated didn’t turn out to be best-qualified, there often isn’t time to do anything differently.

This step is often automated. The results are sorted based on educational attainment, and if you didn’t make the cut, there’s no chance to fight your way back to relevance. You’re in the recycle bin.

The best way out of there is to ignore the naysayers and get an education. If you’ve got the diploma, you’ve got the momentum. And if you don’t have it, you’ll be in good company if you go back to school.

Barring that, you need to prioritize. You’re already skipping the openings that require a degree, but you need to think also about how much time you spend applying for positions that don’t officially require one. Here’s a hint: If it’s suggested but not required that you have a bachelor’s or master’s, you should probably assume that it actually is. Remember that software that leaves you out, or at least that scores you lower. Focus on those who can tell you up front that you qualify.

Here’s another point. Tokenism is dead. Nobody is worried about meeting parity of gender, race, or anything else, because the good old avalanche is massive and, unlike a real avalanche, is not just one color. It’s easy to get a diverse group of applicants. Assuming you’ll get mileage from your demographics is a recipe for failure because you’ll be out before anybody even knows your profile.

Getting a job is a major undertaking. You can’t expect to position yourself for a 20- or 30-year run with a two-week search. Know what you’re qualified for, what will help you–and what won’t.

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Real Men BUILD. http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/real-men-build/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/real-men-build/#respond Sun, 25 Feb 2018 13:08:30 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43916 Yesterday I took some photos of my 12-year-old son creating yet another massive fort. When he saw that we were getting shipments in large boxes, he secured and negotiated for them. He recruited his neighborhood buddies for the project, here’s what they built. They made it “weather proof”… And added halways and a room for […]

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Yesterday I took some photos of my 12-year-old son creating yet another massive fort. When he saw that we were getting shipments in large boxes, he secured and negotiated for them. He recruited his neighborhood buddies for the project, here’s what they built.

They made it “weather proof”…

And added halways and a room for each of them.

I have to admit I’m impressed with this ingenuity and spacial skill, because I can tell you that at his age, I was more focused on my Barbies and baby dolls and Sweet Vally High.

But as a mother of three girls and one oy, I noticed that the inclination to build structures and problem solve was innate in my son in a way that was not in my daughters. So I wasn’t really surprised when I recently discovered a new study from the University of Missouri that reported that countries with greater gender equality have a lower percentage of female STEM graduates.

“The researchers found that, throughtou the world, boys’ academic strengths tend to be in science or mathematics, while girls’ strngths are in reading,” states the news release. “In countries with greater gender equality, women are actively encouraged to participate in STEM; yet, they lose more girls because of personal academic strengths.”

Sigh. Can’t be just get past all the PC nonsense and finally admit that boys are, in general, more inclined to science and engineering, and just let that be OKAY? Now does that mean a man can’t be an amazing interior decorator, or a woman can’t be a research scientist on a team to cure every disease known to man? Absolutely not. But frankly I’m getting tired of the push for complete gender neutrality which forces boys and girls to feel like that just can’t be themselves. Boys and men are suffering with this all the more, because stating the facts like this study has is grounds to be called a woman-hating demon.

Men being better at math, science and engineering doesn’t mean they’re superior. Women being better at the “softer sciences” doesn’t make the inferior. Both talents are ESSENTIAL. Equal doesn’t mean SAME.

As a mother, I will happily tolerate this mess in my backyard, because I know my son is happy that his inclination towards structural engineered is being encouraged by his mommy.

Can’t we just let boys be boys and girls be girls?

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

 

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Racial Bias at Workplace Can Cost Black Women’s Health http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/racial-bias-workplace-can-cost-black-womens-health/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/racial-bias-workplace-can-cost-black-womens-health/#respond Fri, 16 Feb 2018 23:21:13 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43890 Catalyst, a group that helps women in the workplace, released a new report siting that the majority of women of color experience an “emotional tax” in the workplace that negatively affects their health. “Women of color continue to deal with some of the workplace’s most entrenched hurdles such as pay inequities and near invisibility in […]

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Catalyst, a group that helps women in the workplace, released a new report siting that the majority of women of color experience an “emotional tax” in the workplace that negatively affects their health.

“Women of color continue to deal with some of the workplace’s most entrenched hurdles such as pay inequities and near invisibility in top leadership roles, as well as daunting roadblocks that stifle the meaningful dialogue that would help make real progress, ” Says Dnika Travis, Ph.D.

This “emotional tax” and feeling of constantly being “on guard” takes it’s toll, and many in the study reported sleep problems.

 

Perhaps not surprisingly, 58% of black women in the study feel they have to work harder than their coworkers to maintain job security.

Here’s my take on this. Feeling invisible and feeling like you have to work harder to be just as good is a real issue, and I’ll have to admit I felt this way when I was in corporate.

But…there was some mistakes and missteps that I did that hurt my chances of moving up even more. I didn’t readily and willingly interact with co-workers outside of the job, nor did I effectively from alliances with higher ups that could have protected me from those who would have hampered my promotion.

I find that a lot of black women think they can go to work, do excellent at their job, and then leave it all behind. Interacting with non-black co-workers seems unimportant and even undesirable to us. This is where were err. We are under the misguided impression that working harder than everyone and keeping our heads down will reap us the benefits in the workplace. This is often not the case. Those who schmooze with the right crowd, make alliances with mentors at higher ranks, and fraternize after work hours are more successful than the worker bees.

This is where lack of exposure to other cultures keeps us held back, and a lack of understanding of relational aggression used by non-black women can work to sabotage our efforts, no matter how hard we work, and how much overtime we put in. We talk about this extensively in a module of The Pink Pill series, and many of the ladies in our private group are sharing their stories and tips on how to win in these situations.

Winners work smarter, not harder. Black women have got to work smarter and interact more effectively from a social standpoint.

If you’re a black woman and want to know more about the best-selling series that hundreds of women have enrolled in only two weeks since the release, click here.

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When It Comes to Marriage, Black Women Bring Home the Bacon http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/comes-marriage-black-women-bring-home-bacon/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/comes-marriage-black-women-bring-home-bacon/#respond Tue, 13 Feb 2018 05:59:45 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43874 For black women, it seems that either married or not they’re heading the household as far as earnings are concerned. Out the marriages between white, Hispanic and blacks, data shows we out earn our spouses. From an article published on Demos.org: “…if you combine this skew with the prior graph, you do see that black […]

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For black women, it seems that either married or not they’re heading the household as far as earnings are concerned. Out the marriages between white, Hispanic and blacks, data shows we out earn our spouses.

From an article published on Demos.org:

“…if you combine this skew with the prior graph, you do see that black woman in couples contribute considerably more towards family earnings than white or Latina women. Black women are over 60 percent more likely than white or Latina women to be the sole earner in the family and they contribute more income than any other women in dual-earner families.”

There’s a few dots that can be connected about this. Considering that 88% of married black women are NOT married interracially, if this data holds true, the economic imbalance in earnings probably contributes to the high divorce rates in these intra-racial unions. Of course, it must be said that it’s not always the case–my mother has a master’s degree and my father, God rest his soul, only had an 8th grade education. He was born in the 1920’s. That was pretty common. They were married for 45 years until the day he died, and were partners in every sense. But…I’ve seen this go left as well. A dear friend of mine married an ex-con who was underemployed for several years and took out his frustration at not being the financial head out on her through reckless infidelity that landed her with an STI…twice. A man’s ego is tightly intertwined with his earning power, always has, and probably always will.

Conversely, white and Hispanic men either match or exceed the earnings of their wives. The rise of interracial marriages between higher-earning black women and non-black men who match or exceed their earnings is probably why we’re seeing more commercials like this…

What conclusions do you draw from this?

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Politics Can Be Deceiving: My Encounter with Trump-Supporting Mexicans http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/politics-can-deceiving-encounter-trump-supporting-mexicans/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/politics-can-deceiving-encounter-trump-supporting-mexicans/#respond Wed, 07 Feb 2018 06:27:30 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43850 Yesterday while I was filming a promo at a winery for my best-selling Pink Pill series, I decided to reward myself for my hard work with a drink at the upscale bar at the hotel. Towing my camera bag and tripod in hand, I headed for the watering hole. I was dressed up for the […]

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Yesterday while I was filming a promo at a winery for my best-selling Pink Pill series, I decided to reward myself for my hard work with a drink at the upscale bar at the hotel. Towing my camera bag and tripod in hand, I headed for the watering hole. I was dressed up for the promo and got the attention of four men laughing and joking. They all turned to me and insisted I sit next to them and allow them to buy my drink.

That’s when something really surprising happened. I discovered that all these men were bothers, and they were there with their father. They were speaking a mix of Spanish and English, and because I understand a bit I responded. I find that non-European Spanish speaking people are amazingly gracious and forgiving of you butchering their language. As long as you try, you’re OK in their book.

I found out that the men were Mexican, and the father is an immigrant, born in Yucatan. All the men served in the military and despite their relatively youthful look, retired. They asked me what the gear was for and what I do. When I told them, they were audibly thrilled. One of them moved his chair closer to me and started flirting heavily. All of them were disappointed to find out I was married, but we became fast friends. We jumped from one conversation topic to another. That’s when I discovered that all these men, Mexican descendants of an immigrant, were Trump-supporting Republicans.

I looked at the dad for a long time. I think my mouth was hanging open. With all the news about building a wall, deporting illegals, and racist alt right craziness, I was looking at four men who cheered all of it.

Before I could ask, the elder exclaimed, “I support Trump! Do you want to know why? Because I AM an immigrant and I came here the right way, and everyone else should too!”

Then one son chimed in. “We also support him because he supports the military and we are all retired military. We also run our own businesses and the economy is booming.” One is a risk consultant and lives on 20 acres and runs a small farm, the other is a defense attorney, and the last is a probation office with his own jewelry business.

Yes…about that. Despite the recent dips, I can not deny that the economy and Hispanic and African American unemployment rates have come down precipitously. The business community is responding to the administration’s tax cuts and relaxing of some government rules. As much as I find our president utterly pathological and distasteful, I have to at least admit that.

You know what’s funny? They don’t particularly like Trump’s personality either, but the policies he promotes are more in line with their values than that of the liberal Democrats.

I realized in the moment these Mexican men told me they were Republicans, a fleeting judgment that they were betraying their people flashed in my mind. Then I mentally kicked my own behind. This is the same kind of thinking others have about black people, and why Democrats continue to take the Hispanic and Black vote for granted. They don’t really see us. Not really. We are merely blobs of voting blocs to keep them elected.

While I know for sure I will never like the current president, I am reminded of why I am a registered Independent. And…’your girl who swirls’ was reminded never to judge a book by it’s cover.

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

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