Obama said that too many young black men make “bad choices.”

“Growing up, I made quite a few myself,” Obama said. “Sometimes I wrote off my own failings as just another example of the world trying to keep a black man down. I had a tendency to make excuses for me not doing the right thing.”

But, the president implored, “we’ve got no time for excuses.”

Too many young black men make bad choices. We’ve got no time for excuses.

Like I already wrote, the message is clear for those that are listening: There will be no new programs designed to help black men, black women, children, or black people in general; whatever future gains individual blacks will lay hold to, those gains will come from individual effort and achievement. President Obama has already said he is “not the President of Black America,” he is the President of the United States of America.

In the Morehouse speech Obama paid lip service to the usual platitudes about racism and discrimination, but he also tempered his acknowledgement of the harsh reality that America is not yet a completely fair and equal society with the admonishment that such harsh realities can no longer be used as an excuse for young black men to not succeed:“In today’s hyper-connected, hyper-competitive world, with millions of young people from China and India and Brazil, many of whom started with a whole lot less than all of you did, all of them entering the global workforce alongside you, nobody is going to give you anything you haven’t earned,” he said. “Nobody cares how tough your upbringing was. Nobody cares if you suffered some discrimination.”

Nobody cares if you suffered discrimination.

Most poignantly, the President told the graduates not to shirk their family responsibilities. The overwhelming majority of black children will not grow up spending the majority of their youth in a married household. And being raised in a household by a single mother may actually be worse for boys than for girls. In the end, the only way to reverse the cycle of family disintegration and it’s negative effects on all family members is for more black men (and black women!) to be raised in two-parent households and for individual black people to excel on their own merits–and even the President of the United States of America has said as much.

Watch the entire speech below.

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Jamila Akil is a senior Editor at Beyond Black and White. Follow her on Twitter @jamilaakil

Doesn’t Ms. Washington look so purrrtty?

Dodai Stewart, of Jezebel, was wondering, only a few months ago, when would Ms. Washington finally get a cover:

Washington has been on the covers of Essence, Ebony and Women’s Health, which is great. But these are not the mainstream glossies that really confirm a celebrity has arrived. Washington was on a version of Elle’s Women in Hollywood issue, but as with Octavia Spencer, Washington’s cover was not on newsstands. Sarah Jessica Parker was awarded that honor.

With this cover, Ms. Washington is finally playing with the big boys (and girls), but did she squander a bit of her hard-earned new celebrity star power and cache with her role in Peeples, a Tyler Perry-produced flick which just flopped its opening weekend?
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Jamila Akil is a Senior Editor at Beyond Black and White. Follow her on Twitter @jamilaakil

In his coming out story, Collins admitted that he had dated women for years while he tried to figure out and accept his sexuality. He was even in a relationship with one athlete, ex-WNBA player Carolyn Moos, for 8 years, before finally calling off their engagement.

Actress  Gabourey Sidibe was questioned about her thoughts on Collins’ big reveal by Access Hollywood host Billy Bush, and she quipped, “Who hasn’t dated a gay dude?!?” Sidibe said that she caught one of her recent boyfriends trying on her heels, and even though he never admitted the truth about his sexuality to her, she said she put two and two together to figure out he way gay before finally ending the relationship. Luckily for Ms. Sidibe, she didn’t end up losing eight of her most fertile years dating the gay boyfriend.

“Who hasn’t dated a gay dude?”

While it’s definitely a weight off ones shoulders to finally be able to live your life openly if you are a gay or lesbian person, it can also be argued that there are benefits to heterosexual people too when society is accepting–if not exactly encouraging–of people who are gay, lesbian, or transgender: There might wind up being fewer straight people who find out their ex-boyfriend or girlfriend was actually a gay or lesbian person who was afraid to come out.
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Jamila Akil is a Senior Editor at Beyond Black and White. Chat with her on Twitter @jamilaakil

I’ve been watching Young & The Restless since college. One look at “Nicolas Newman,” and I started scheduling my classes around it. When I wasn’t drooling over Nick and Malcolm (Shemar Moore) I could tolerate some scenes sans the man candy, especially the ones with Jeanne Cooper (Katherine Chancellor). She was straight out of the old guard–dyed blond hair, fancy clothes and pointy red nails. I enjoyed all the story lines they featured that old lady in, from her recovery from alcoholism, her discovery that Kane was/wasn’t her grandson, and that Devon was her real grandson, her multiple strokes, tumors and heart attacks, and her epic fights with that other chick who’s name escapes me at the moment. Oh yeah, her name is “Jill.”

Well, this week I heard that Jeanne had died at the age of 84, after forty years as “Katherine” on Y & R. Incidentally, The Hubster was sad too, because he was (forced) to watch the show during the summer because my mother-in-law is also a big fan. The last time I saw her as Mrs. Chancellor, I knew there was something…different. Like a light inside her was beginning to dim…and it reminded me of when my father was dying. Watching the spirit ebb is such a surreal thing.

RIP Jeanne. You’ll be missed.

You have probably all heard about Charles Ramsey, the Black man who saved three Hispanic women who had been kept captive by a Hispanic man for 10 years in Cleveland. You can catch up on the story HERE. Basically he heard one of the women screaming from a basement and he (and maybe a another man) broke in and saved the woman. They then called the police and the rest were saved. He is being hailed as a hero. What he did was very brave and heroic. I will not contest that and I’m sure the women are so grateful for him saving their lives. He should get a medal for what he did.

BUT, the focus of my post is not on the heroic act. It is on the way people are dismissing his history of abusing a Black woman and neglecting his children. According to The Smoking Gun, Ramsey was arrested THREE times for battering his wife and jailed for six months for the crime! Although he was arrested three times, who knows how many other times he was abusive but the police were not called. He has also neglected his kids by not paying child support.

What I find puzzling is how many people are upset and calling it racist that the media dug up his past and reported it. If you come into the public eye they ALWAYS look up your past! Why are they acting surprised and acting like this is racist, they do this to everyone? It’s very easy for them to find out about someone’s criminal past. But people are outraged because they feel there are few Black male heroes and they are bringing up a past that makes him look bad. Well in my opinion he is the only one to blame for his looking bad! He chose to batter his wife and neglect his kids! He made his bed and has to lie in it! Personally, I have no forgiveness for wife batterers, child abusers, rapists or murderers. The courts do not decide what I should forget and overlook, I DO! I don’t care if they “serve their arbitrarily length of time”. If someone does any of those heinous things they are marked FOR LIFE and I don’t care to deal with them.

Now, people are trying to spin this into some racist media conspiracy to bring down a Black male hero by publishing negative things to discredit him (e.g., this Clutch article called ‘Demonizing Charles Ramsey‘). But what they are reporting is THE TRUTH! They did not make up negative things or draw conclusions based on photos (e.g., like Trayvon Martin), this man committed the negative acts and admits to it! I want you to really think about this– Ramsey saved three Hispanic women in ONE act, he BATTERED his WIFE on at least THREE separate occasions (and was heard threatening to kill her), and he doesn’t pay child support. Is this a man people should look up to? Is this man a friend to Black women? Should Black women be rushing to defend the honor of a Black man who repeatedly BEAT another Black woman and left her to financially support their kids? I wonder if he would have tried to save a Black woman trapped in a basement? He did make it a point to remark that the woman he saved was a “pretty White woman”.

I’m sorry but in reading the comments on the linked sites (I know I should not have read the comments) but it made me cringe at how easily people dismissed the history of abuse like it was some minor traffic violation or failure to pay taxes. It was like they were patting themselves on the back for overlooking his “past mistakes and imperfections that everyone has”. So what if he beat his wife so bad that he served time for it? So what if he doesn’t pay for food, shelter, clothing, or anything else his kids need? He did a good thing so lets forget about it! Serving time erases all the psychological trauma and neglect suffered by his Black VICTIMS. It reminds me of all the men who have criminal histories or no ambition who expect women to want to date them just because they are employed. Your past matters!

This is the case of one woman abuser stopping another woman abuser. His past behaviour does not give any indication that he is someone to admire or a friend to Black women but people are acting like this one heroic act negates everything else. This is another case of the abuse of Black women and children being dismissed because a Black man is cool, famous, or sounds good (e.g., rappers with histories of gang banging, selling drugs, and being violent are excused because they have “changed”). Sorry but I am not that forgiving. I’m glad that the media has reported the truth about this man. He may be a friend to the Hispanic community and a hero for saving those women, but he is no friend to me as a Black woman.

Update: Al Sharpton stands behind Charles Ramsey…not surprised. Ladies, as long as a Black man “cleans up his act” and says he’s changed we are supposed to forget his prior abuse of Black women and pat them on the back.

Some would say that this conclusion is a bit premature.  Even President Obama’s highly contested Affordable Care Act of 2010 went through hundreds of amendment iterations, narrowly missed a filibuster in the Senate, and was finally brought before the United States Supreme Court only to later become the law of the land. Universal background checks could very well see the same fate.

About the Vote

A deeper understanding of the vote provides some clarity on universal background checks and gun control legislation in general. The vote that failed actually wasn’t one to make universal background checks law. Instead, it was a “cloture” vote. Put simply, a cloture vote is required to break a filibuster.

So, now you are probably wondering what a filibuster is. Well, basic Senate rules allow for a simple majority to pass a bill in most cases. But, when one party, in this case Republicans – the minority in the Senate – filibusters or denies the debate on the bill all together, a cloture vote must be taken to move past the impasse.  Filibuster rules in the Senate require a three fifths cloture vote or 60/40 majority in order to move past the road block and instate a vote on the bill being filibustered. In this case, both parties have been bickering back and forth on gun control for months. Each has taken advantage of the filibuster for a multitude of reasons.

Now, what is most significant about these proceedings is that, while four Republicans voted in favor of the bill, five Democrats voted against it. One of those Democrats was Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (NV). For Senator Reid, voting “no” affords him the ability to resurrect the background check debate in the future. This implies that there is an intention to introduce the bill or some derivation of it on the Senate floor again.

So, What Does It Mean? Really?

So, while this vote was originally reported as a “defeat” in direct discord with preferences of over 90% of American voters, a more fitting description would be a delay. With the vast number of citizens, those in favor of gun control and those against it alike, supporting a major change in the way we handle background checks, these recent events point to a continued debate on the topic.

What will be critical over the next few weeks and months will be a continued movement toward legitimate dialogue between the political players in the DC Beltway. They have little to lose by compromising on gun control because this is a non-election year.  Nonetheless, recent events inspire hope that the conversation on gun control will happen in the very near future.

Meanwhile, we will continue to see gun advocates spewing hatred as we did at last week’s NRA conventions in Texas. And, we will continue to see the families of Newtown victims imploring action from their congressional officers seemingly to no avail. But, with the contention this thick, there just needs to be a few courageous voices willing to rebuke party lines in favor of the American people. Senator John McCain (R – AZ) has attempted to be that voice. Just a few more and we might very well be on our way to justice, equity, and fairness in the in gun control conversation.

Wait. Did she marry Lil Wayne? Ludacris? Drake? Common?

Oh no?

This is the ultimate irony. Bob Johnson, co-founder of BET, a vehicle that has single-handedly tarnished the name of black American women all over the world, wants a “gentleman” for his daughter. Funny, because he’s made his fortune convincing black women that thugs, drug dealers, and gold teeth should be the standard of sexiness and allure for us mere-mortal regular black chicks.

From the Washington Post:

More than 200 guests attended the lavish four-day celebration, which kicked off with a rehearsal dinner Thursday. A beach party on Friday got hit with some rain, but we’re told there was perfect weather for the ceremony and reception Saturday, where Grammy-winning R&B star Ne-Yo sang Elton John’s “Your Song” for the couple’s first dance. There was also entertainment by in-demand DJ Cassidy — who has spun discs at the White House as well as at Jay-Z’s house — and a Motown band. Guests trickled out after a farewell brunch Sunday.

Dudley Payne III and Paige Johnson on their wedding day. (Matt Blum)

This is the first marriage for Johnson, a champion equestrian based in Middleburg, as well as for Payne, an insurance broker from Warrenton. The two were introduced by a mutual friend seven years ago and have been dating ever since.

“This guy is the perfect guy for Paige,” Bob Johnson told us last week. “He’s a true gentleman.” Before proposing last year, Payne took the old-fashioned step of inviting the multi-millionaire to Café Milano to ask for his only daughter’s hand in marriage.

Take a goooooood look at the last paragraph. Mr. Johnson said that this WHITE INSURANCE BROKER IS THE PERFECT GUY FOR HIS DAUGHTER. I’ve said this before on other issues but it bears repeating like a broken record on a Victrola: Be careful of those who advocate a lifestyle on others that they would never desire for themselves. Do you think Jay-Z is going to want his precious little Blu Ivy gallivanting with the progeny of his homeboys?  Doubt it.

Why are we so effing blind? So many of us are being fed a pile of horse-pucky about a lifestyle that nobody with any damn sense wants for themselves or their own. Has the precious Paige been in any of the ratchet BET videos that parade half-naked black women in front of men who call them bitches, hoes, and cum dumpsters? No? Maybe it’s time you ask yourself why.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m THRILLED for Paige. I just wish that EVERY little black girl was cherished and protected and married off to a “perfect guy for her,” not just the daughters of rich men who are responsible for advocating a lifestyle that grants the exact opposite to “ordinary” black girls.

Just 28% of Americans consider themselves feminists, with women twice as likely as men to use that label for themselves. And the latest Economist/YouGov Poll suggests that for women at least, feminism is generational, with the youngest women and those who came of age during the 1970’s feminist movement the most willing to use that label for themselves.

Here’s something significant:

The willingness of women to call themselves feminists depends on their age. Only 28% of women 65 and older say they are feminists (the baby boomers now make up only a small proportion of this older group); 41% of women between the ages of 45 and 64 say they are. This group would have come of age and political awareness during the 1970’s, when the feminist movement was at its most visible and perhaps most active.

The next age group, women between 30 and 44, grew up seeing some of the backlash against the movement, and just 32% in this group call themselves feminists. But now, with what may be a renewed attention to women’s issues (including discussion of women’s role in the workplace, and controversies over funding for contraceptives) the youngest women in this poll, those between the ages of 18 and 29, are just as likely as those between 45 and 64 to call themselves feminists.

I am in that age group that has denounced some aspects of feminism. I witnessed the wacky feminist theories gone amok and how families and children suffered and I’m not ashamed to say I was totally disgusted. Kids in daycare 12 hours a day and “studies” saying that was perfectly okay, bullcrap about how “resilient” children were even when you rip their families apart, the LIE that women can be both mother AND father, the self-centered claptrap about how your children are happy when you’re happy and can do whatever the phuck you want.

As far as the “free sex” goes…utter bullshit. I’m counseling a young girl in her mid-twenties right now who was fed that load of bull and is SUFFERING TERRIBLY because she was under the mistaken impression that you can be “friends with benefits” without falling in love and suffering over the fact that you have been replaced by a woman “good enough” to be the girlfriend and the wife.

It is things like the above that gives feminism such a bad name. Destructive theories that hurt people and families and cause emotional suffering.

To be clear, not all aspects of feminism have been destructive, but to continue to say that all the other crap is passe and not mainstream is to behave like an ostrich. Perception is reality. If people think feminist ideals are too radical, it’s about time the folks in charge rethink their own messaging, because they are LOSING.

Me and five other brilliant black women have formed the FIRST black-woman-owned network specifically designed for the New, NEW black woman. It’s Beyond Black & White on steroids…just with more diversity of voices and thought…everything you love about learning in life in ONE network, so you won’t need to surf for eons looking for home. The network is called SheThrives. Here’s the deets:

African American Bloggers Announce “SheThrives,” a Blogging Network Targeting Affluent and Upwardly Mobile Single-Woman Demographic

(each of the icons represents the founders. I’m the one with the diamond earrings and curly ‘fro.)

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LAS VEGAS, NV (March –, 2013) In the first venture of it’s kind, six African American women have launched the SheThrives Network, a blogger network that will build, pool and/or share in resources, content, audience and revenue opportunities, while fostering community among a diverse and forward-thinking female audience. Christelyn Karazin, creator of the widely popular online women’s publication, Beyond Black & White, worked to develop the concept of a share information network with colleagues, Jenn Jackson, TerriAnn MacDonald, Gennifer Miller, Vanisha Sapp and Jamie Broadnax that would bring compelling content in the area of politics, relationships, travel, health and healthy living, beauty, style, news, trends and women issues to be delivered in in both quality and quantity.

The African American female market continues to be an underserved demographic despite the tremendous buying power of black women, who are more educated, more career-focused and more ambitious that any time before in history.

The SheThrives network serves the interests of the new, liberated, and socially-savvy Black woman, who is determined to find her own happiness, discover her inner and outer beauty, and live life on no one’s terms except her own. She’s making decisions about what’s best for her body, soul, mind and life.

(A Sample Template of the SheThrives Network landing page…)

The opportunity for advertising programs and partnerships with the network is intuitive–companies will have the luxury of knowing exactly who they are speaking to, with laser-point precision. Campaigns can be designed and tailored for the network at large–which reaches over 1,000,000 page views monthly–and also in “boutique fashion,” with tailored reviews on individual blogs and touting programs on social networks like Twitter, Pinterest and Facebook.

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The idea for  a network popped into my mind last year, and seeing it come to life is like watching one of my kids being born. I’m good at big picture stuff, but the details–retaining an attorney, domain, business plan, articles of incorporation, blah blah blah are mind-numbing to me. Thank GOD I surround myself with people smarter than me, otherwise it would have never happened. I’m working with five AMAZING young BLACK women who see the vision and opportunity, and you know what’s crazy? There’s been absolutely ZERO drama! ZERO!!! Who says black women can’t get along and make things happen? Whoever said that needs to take every seat in the entire STAPLES CENTER because we did it!

The plan is to eventually expand the network with other like-minded bloggers so share ideas, reach and economic opportunities for entrepreneurial black women who share our vision. If you’re interested in joining us in the future, hit me up at christelyn@beyondblackwhite.com. To keep up on the launch and the latest developments, like our page on Facebook.

But now it seems we know a little bit more about the psychos who executed this horrific event that killed three people (one of which was an innocent eight-year-old boy) and critically wounded countless others was most likely Muslim extremists from Chechnya.

SIGH!!

I have to go ahead a state my bias here–I’m not a fan of Muslim extremists. I would never invite them for coffee. I’m also a little annoyed that if the followers of Islam are so dang peaceful, why don’t they peacefully take these fools to the back of the building and kick some arse. Don’t get me wrong, as  a Christian I’m aware of it’s sordid history of crazies and zealots who killed because they thought God told them in a dream after they smoked some crack and ate some mushrooms. And granted, I can only go by what is reported by what I already established is a flacid media machine, so I know I’m not getting the full story, but AS A WHOLE, I’m just really not feeling many (okay all) of the cultural mores associated with Islam, like how women have to wear head-to-toe coverings even in 100-degree weather while their hairy-assed husbands can wear swim trunks at the beach. Kid you not–saw it with my own eyes. Poor lady kept pulling at her sleeves trying desperately to get some ventilation. Then there’s the honor killings. Oh. And the beheadings. And that whole, not letting girls go to school thing. Oh! And the vaginal mutilations. And the multiple wives thing. Did I cover it all? I feel like I might have missed something…oh yes. That whole, not letting your wives leave the house EVER without a male relative.

Don’t get me wrong, Christians can be crazy too, but there’s not a lot I’m seeing TODAY that’s that oppressive and draconian. Make no mistake, at one point in history Christians did this same stuff, but like, hundreds of years ago. They’re still crazy, but they’re not regularly burning villages to the ground on behalf of the Pope.

So there it is. I’m not a fan.

As a woman, I struggle to truly find the appeal of adopting Islamic culture (not the religion, the culture). I have yet to see such relationships based on equality.

Oh, and by the way, I apologize in advance to all the people I have inevitably offended. I should also add that you might describe me as “Christian lite,” so I really have little to no emotional stake in Team Christian taking over for Team Muslim, except maybe as long as Team Christian will allow me to swim in a bikini with my clitoris intact I’ll root for them, because I like not getting heat stroke and I LOVE orgasms.