Beyond Black & White » Dating & Marrying Ethnic Men http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Sat, 25 Oct 2014 10:00:12 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.0 Answering My Own Question: YES; Asian Men ARE a Thing…a VERY GOOD Thing… http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/answering-question-yes-asian-men-thing-good-thing/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/answering-question-yes-asian-men-thing-good-thing/#comments Tue, 14 Oct 2014 17:26:54 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=33924 OMG…I have to just say that I am so grateful that my work allows me to meet people from so many walks of life. Because I’ve got to be honest..they Asian men I’ve met online are some of the most charming, down-to-earth, funny, and sexy men ever! I’m like, “Damn! Where were ya’ll when I […]

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OMG…I have to just say that I am so grateful that my work allows me to meet people from so many walks of life. Because I’ve got to be honest..they Asian men I’ve met online are some of the most charming, down-to-earth, funny, and sexy men ever! I’m like, “Damn! Where were ya’ll when I was single?!”

We had a great conversation last Friday, featuring several panelists discussing the up and downs, highs and lows of dating Asian men, and it was a ball. Everyone had a lot to say–some more than others lol–but I think you all can really get something out of the conversation. Melodic Mic is hot as hell. Whew!

When I did a cattle call to reach out to various Asian men to weigh in on the topic of interracial dating and black women, I was pleasantly surprised that my inbox overflowed with men, YES MEN, who wanted YOU know know what was on their minds. I got to chat we a few, and one of them is Daniel, a 28-year-old operations manager at HBO, first generation Chinese American, 6’3. Yes…six foot three. He was so charming and full of masculine energy…he had no problem telling me that “If you were in New York, we’d be dating.” Of course we wouldn’t…you know…cuz I’m married with four kids and all (he didn’t know that) but I was massively impressed with his self-assurance. Here’s what he wrote me in his initial email: “Just wanted to share some thoughts. Asian men have faced many difficulties in terms of being labeled as Asexual. Listen, Stereotyping never flies with me. I’m very diverse and I date any women who is attractive inside and out. If dating someone like me isn’t a trend. I’d probably make it a mission to date Asian men a trend.”

That’s so damn sexy, is it not, ladies? Oh; and Daniel told me to tell you beautiful ladies that he’s available. ;-) I’m not going to blast his email on this blog, because doing so is tantamount to writing it in a bathroom stall, but if you’re interested, email me at christelyn@beyondblackwhite.com. Note: Daniel resides in New York City.

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Then I also spoke with a “blasian” man who is Korean and black, in a relationship with a Jamaican girl. Here’s what he told me about him and his boo:

We first spoke on facebook. We had a couple mutual friends on facebook and she saw me comment on someones status and added me. What i found most attractive about her at first from her pictures was the fact that she was really cute, she had an adorable smile, didn’t wear a lot of makeup, and she kept het hair natural. After speaking with her for a couple weeks i fell for her cause of how smart, simple, and down to earth she was. She was completely unlike any girl I’ve ever seen or spoken to. I am Asian mixed with black; however the majority of my family is Asian. The mix of black came from my grandmother. She was the first black person to be introduced to the family. My parents are really cool with my girlfriend. Since they’ve met her they’ve been hospitable and kind to her. Even though they’ve been so cool with us dating my mother asks if I’m sure she’s right for me. Before my girlfriend my mother would tell me she’d like if i dated this Asian friend of mine. My friends don’t have a problem with her either they just find it crazy because she still lives in Jamaica and I live here in Miami

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So yes; dating Asian men IS a good option, but move forward with a little common sense.

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Asian Guy Shares His Feelings About AM/BW Relationships http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/asian-guy-shares-feelings-ambw-relationships/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/asian-guy-shares-feelings-ambw-relationships/#comments Fri, 10 Oct 2014 06:37:46 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=33873 I’m so excited because I received a flurry of response from Asian men who saw my video request earlier this week… There’s a bunch of guys who want black women to know they’re interested, and here’s the scoop from one of them. So yeah–today’s the big day where we tackle this issue head on, no […]

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I’m so excited because I received a flurry of response from Asian men who saw my video request earlier this week…

There’s a bunch of guys who want black women to know they’re interested, and here’s the scoop from one of them.

So yeah–today’s the big day where we tackle this issue head on, no holds barred. Meet me on my You Tube channel at 7PM PST/10PM EST. Asian men, there’s still time for you to join the discussion! Hit me up at Christelyn@BeyondBlackWhite.com

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From a Black Man’s Mouth: About All That Hate… http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/black-mans-mouth-hate/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/black-mans-mouth-hate/#comments Wed, 08 Oct 2014 16:07:29 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=33834 Greetings BB&W, As a strong supporter of your work and what it stands for, I’d like to say something to all the naysaying black men on this page: Dear Anti-Swirl Black men, as you sit and constantly shit on black women for doing what can only be described as out and out Reciprocity, Id like […]

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Greetings BB&W, As a strong supporter of your work and what it stands for, I’d like to say something to all the naysaying black men on this page:

Dear Anti-Swirl Black men, as you sit and constantly shit on black women for doing what can only be described as out and out Reciprocity, Id like to take this time out to address some of the arguments you make against swirling and black women in general.

“All Black women are hoes” really? ALL of them? first lets address that statement. shes a hoe because…shes dated/slept with other guys? really? I’m not even going to go into the whole Patriarchal bullshit behind that statement but I would like to point out that many a white girl has the EXACT SAME SEXUAL HISTORY you are vilifying black women for, but for them you can somehow “put all that in the past” If you don’t wanna date a woman thats had too many sexual partners, thats okay. I Understand. but recognize the bias you’ve been ingrained with when your willing to pass up a black woman whos only slept with 3 guys for a white woman who slept with 5

“All Black women are ratchet” so…were just gonna act like Reality TV doesn’t have white girls on it right? yes, the “Love & hip hop” franchise makes me cringe, but lets not act like white girls don’t cut a zoo on national TV on the regular on the “Real Housewives” franchise. say what you will about the ladies in Atlanta and their antics, but I’m pretty sure its on par with their white counterparts. As for real life, maybe its where your looking. yeah, nightclubs are full of ratchet women as well. same with white women in the club. again, Bias. how about looking other places? like college, or church, or maybe even seeing if your job has any black women there. which leads to my next point…

“As soon as black women become professionals, they only go for white boys” back in 1991, the film “Jungle fever” had a scene where black women discussed black men ignoring them for white women or at least fair-skinned black girls. the line about how black men feeling like if they want to move up that latter, they have to have a white woman on their arm. And we as black men bought it. the reason you don’t see many black women professionals is the same reason you don’t see many black professionals period, ten fold. but over the last few years, there has been way more educated, loving and single black women on the field. but they were ignored. why? because we ignored them. If you are or were a eligible black bachelor in the last few years, what was stopping you from seeking out black women in your area?

“Black women are always baby mommas” again, where are you meeting these women? look, if you don’t wanna date someone with kids by someone else, then by all means don’t. but the reality is that this is what happens when black men don’t hold each other sexually accountable. im not saying we need to teach young men to marry the first girl they sleep with, but I am saying we need to teach young black men how to use condoms and we need to teach black women to make men their not married to to wear condoms during sex.

Id like to point out that black baby momas are also the result of the black church having a gross double standard with how it socializes young black men towards sex as opposed to how black women are socialized. Black men are socialized to “do what you want, but don’t bring a baby home” while black women are shamed from jump about their bodies. their called “fast tailed girls” for things like just going through puberty or being attractive to boys.

And with this thinking, we dehumanize black women in our own eyes. we don’t see them as women, or even people. just whores, hoes, baby mommas, and in this case, negro bed wenches.

I will not sit here and call myself a man whose never fell for that kind of thinking on some level. the first girl I fell for was a black girl who looked like she could be in Debarge. my high-school sweetheart and first girlfriend was looked like a cross between Regina King & Paula Patton. but the girl I always held a torch for (and still do) is a beautiful black woman. (think a young Teresa Randle in terms of looks)

Im not here to shit on black men who date white women. but I am here to kick the ballistics on the black men who spend their time getting mad that black women aren’t going for them but stay badmouthing them.

I Grew up with both my parents despite the fact they broke up before I was born. I watched my mother work at her friends hair salon and heard the conversations they had and always heard the ones they had about men. occasionally, they’d talk about what white men they’d sleep with, but anyone who talked about marrying one was balked at. at the end of the day, I knew they all loved black men.

Meanwhile, when id go to the barbershop with my father, all I ever heard was talk of sports, politics, music and of course women. there always seemed to be a pecking order with women with black women at the bottom and white women as the trump card towards all others. when the subject of what celebrity they’d marry came up, there were men who picked black women always, but they were outright clowned if they picked a black woman like Gabrielle Union over Jessica Simpson. at the end of the day, its not black women who are color-struck, its us.

Remember that its black women who will cry if they see us killed in the streets, even if they don’t know us. its black women who made us, who raised us, gave up their lives for us.

But yet and still, The Tariq Elites & Tommy Sotomayors wont like this. they’ll call me a simp and go right back to causing the problem men like them created.

So to all of you hating ass black men, I will say this in closing: the pendulum has swung the other way.

Sincerely,
Howard Tyrone Smith II

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Friday’s G+ Chat: Real Talk About Dating Asian Men http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/fridays-g-chat-real-talk-dating-asian-men/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/fridays-g-chat-real-talk-dating-asian-men/#comments Wed, 08 Oct 2014 15:36:37 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=33831 This is a topic we don’t address nearly enough, but judging by the interest online, there’s quite a movement afoot. Asian men–who are arguably the quietest and most stealth regarding their dating practices–are finding their way to black women. But is it a thing?Some results of these connections have been amazing, resulting in engagements, marriages, and […]

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This is a topic we don’t address nearly enough, but judging by the interest online, there’s quite a movement afoot. Asian men–who are arguably the quietest and most stealth regarding their dating practices–are finding their way to black women. But is it a thing?Some results of these connections have been amazing, resulting in engagements, marriages, and children. Others have been complete disasters. We’re going to dive into both. I’m also recruiting single Asian men so we can hear it straight from their mouths.

We’re also going to feature AM/BW (Asian Men, Black Women) couples to weigh in on their experiences. Trust me–if you’re interested in dating Asian men, you will NOT want to miss this.

Time: Friday, October 10; 7:00 PM PST/ 10:00 PM EST

Where: Tune in live on my You Tube channel. Make sure you’re a subscriber! Click here.

 

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Is Robert Pattinson a Lame Swirler? Leaves Black Girlfriend to Save Himself From Online Bullies! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/is-robert-pattinson-a-lame-swirler-could-be/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/is-robert-pattinson-a-lame-swirler-could-be/#comments Tue, 30 Sep 2014 19:13:03 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=33694 by Tracy Renee Jones Okay, so Robert Pattinson is dating UK singer FKA Twigs, a black woman, and his fans aren’t too pleased with the situation. I guess the notorious Twilight Stans would rather see the ambiguously dazed Pattinson with Kristen Stewart even after she screwed around on him and damaged the entire Twighlight brand. Nevertheless, […]

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by

Tracy Renee Jones

Okay, so Robert Pattinson is dating UK singer FKA Twigs, a black woman, and his fans aren’t too pleased with the situation. I guess the notorious Twilight Stans would rather see the ambiguously dazed Pattinson with Kristen Stewart even after she screwed around on him and damaged the entire Twighlight brand.

Nevertheless, social media had much to say about the romance between Robert and Twigs. Most of which involved hate filled language and racial slurs including referring to the entertainer as a ‘monkey’.

Twigs took to Twitter to challenge the keyboard thugs, but strangely enough, Pattinson has been silent about the issue both in the media and online.

 

Neither comment, nor defense has been heard from the actor. Has Robert Pattinson left the building and caused FKA to be a Strong Black Woman who must defend herself?

Do you think she asked him to not participate or maybe he’s taking ‘the high road’, by ignoring the online racism and bullying? Some folks believe ignorance doesn’t warrant a response. Either way, in instances where interracial couples are faced with opposition from outsiders, a united front is the best way to show instigators that you will not allow the opinion of others to shake the house that you built.

How would you feel if you were the victim in such a situation?

In real life, on Facebook, or otherwise, would it be okay if your RainBoo kept mum while you’re getting pelted with racism or would you expect him to speak up on your behalf?

How would you feel if he didn’t?

Is Robert Pattinson a lame Swirler by staying quiet?

You tell me.

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Another Online Dating Success! Yes; They Met on AfroRomance. http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/another-online-dating-success-yes-met-afroromance/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/another-online-dating-success-yes-met-afroromance/#comments Tue, 23 Sep 2014 16:30:56 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=33485 I’ve been telling you guys about my friend, Silue, a first generation Chinese American man who has a preference for black women. He’s had mixed success–one tragic relationship resulted in his mother not wanting any part of it. And then there’s even more extreme cases I’ve heard of like one mom threatening to commit suicide if […]

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I’ve been telling you guys about my friend, Silue, a first generation Chinese American man who has a preference for black women. He’s had mixed success–one tragic relationship resulted in his mother not wanting any part of it. And then there’s even more extreme cases I’ve heard of like one mom threatening to commit suicide if he continued to date a particular black woman she didn’t like.

Past situations left Silue deeply hurt and disillusioned about his mother’s negative impressions of African Americans. But apparently, that didn’t deter him from doing EXACTLY what he wanted to do. Take a look at Silue’s girlfriend, Kelly, whom he met on Afroromance.com, the very website I recommended he visit.

The couple has been seeing each other for a year now, and I have some exciting news: Silue’s mother and family love her. Why? “Shes very well mannered. She helps out with everything. She and my mother talk for hours,” he told me.

Well, it looks like Silue’s mother’s hysteria was less about prejudice and based more on a fear that the woman her son chose wouldn’t understand the cultures and values of Chinese people. In that culture, the parents are held to the highest esteem by the potential daughter-in-law, and it’s not uncommon for the mother to stay in her son’s home in her late years.

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RULE OF THUMB: Family is extremely important to Asian men, as well as what their family thinks of their significant other. If the guy won’t introduce you to his family after six months of dating, that’s a red flag.

I love getting stories like this, because it adds a bit of balance to the notion that ethnic men are less inclined to date interracially due to culture and tradition. If a woman who loves her man has an appreciation for his culture and has no problem adopting them into her own life, and if the man is strong enough to hold to his principles and desires, I have hope that the relationship can work in the long run.

If you’re open to dating men like Silue, it’s best to connect with them in groups that have already established their openness to date interracially. Websites like Afroromance, and online Facebook groups that connect you with like-minded people such as Black Women and Asian Men United take a lot of the guesswork out of whether or not an Asian guy is open to interracial dating.

Yay to Silue and Kelly!

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