Beyond Black & White » Relationships http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Sun, 01 Feb 2015 07:47:19 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1 Next Friday: A Date with Wes Murphy, Live on G+! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/next-friday-date-wes-murphy-live-g/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/next-friday-date-wes-murphy-live-g/#comments Fri, 30 Jan 2015 18:04:00 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=35878 Wes with hair… Isn’t he totally adorable??    This may be one of the most enjoyable G+ hangouts yet! Fellow You Tuber, Wes Murphy is on a quest. He’s looking for his special someone this year, and he has enlisted my help.   So next week, we’re taking this challenge all the way interactive, and […]

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Wes with hair…

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Isn’t he totally adorable?? 

 

This may be one of the most enjoyable G+ hangouts yet! Fellow You Tuber, Wes Murphy is on a quest. He’s looking for his special someone this year, and he has enlisted my help.

 

So next week, we’re taking this challenge all the way interactive, and will feature five ladies whom I think Wes might jive with…

 

Here’s a little information about Wes. He’s 32 years old and lives in Santa Monica. He’s very active, and it shows…he’s very muscular and fit. I believe he’ll want someone who shares the same values of fitness and outdoor activities like hiking, climbing, and ultimate frisbee. He’s a Christian, and is unashamed to say so. He’s from Tennessee, and was raised on a farm. He seems to have been raised in a loving family. He has a degree in Communications.

Want to be considered? Email me Christelyn@BeyondBlackWhite.com.

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Zara: “I Don’t Swirl, I Date.” http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/zara-dont-swirl-date/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/zara-dont-swirl-date/#comments Thu, 29 Jan 2015 17:07:10 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=35865 I don’t Swirl, I Date.  I have often wondered about the term, “Swirling,” ever since it made its way into everyday (US pop culture) colloquialisms to refer to interracial dating. “Am I a ‘Swirler‘ then?” I began to ponder to myself. I had never really seen myself that way. And there was just something about […]

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I don’t Swirl, I Date. 

I have often wondered about the term, “Swirling,” ever since it made its way into everyday (US pop culture) colloquialisms to refer to interracial dating.

“Am I a ‘Swirler‘ then?” I began to ponder to myself.

I had never really seen myself that way. And there was just something about the term that just never really sat right with me in adopting it for myself to describe my ‘romantic’ life.

Ever since I was old enough to have crushes, I’ve crushed on everyone.

Whoa! Allow me to better express what I’m trying to say here:

I was fortunate to be educated in a school in West Africa that had an extremely diverse student body. So diverse that my brother was the only local kid in his class at one point. So I grew up being exposed to and mingling with people of all ‘races’ who came from all corners of the globe.

And so with that, my crushes comprised of all sorts of boys. From Caucasian to Asian to multi-racial – to whatever.

I like to see that as natural – kind of the way it would be without societal and racial prejudices coming into play. I was not really aware of their ‘races,’ just crushing on whatever my younger self found cool about them as people.

This same way of being has organically evolved and taken full form within myself today as a woman. I still am not attracted to ‘races’ but ‘people.’

Screen Shot 2015-01-29 at 9.02.27 AM

I have since developed an awareness and have a better understanding of  the twisted, racist messages we receive in our Neocolonial world about the ‘right’ kind of dating choices we are supposed to make. But I’m my own woman and I let my heart and my inner voice lead me in my life.

I date who I want to date, and damn the world’s racial issues to hell.

I guess the reason why the term “Swirling” itself doesn’t quite sit right with me is due to a certain energy that I feel implies a twist from the default. Like, my being a black woman means that I should, typically – and automatically, want to be with a black man.

So that each time I’m interested in a man who isn’t black – then it’s somehow going against some inherent rule of thumb. I don’t quite care for that.

On the same note, I feel that this way of thinking also feeds into the idea of people within a certain ‘race’ owning or being entitled to people of that same ‘race’ – like black women somehow belonging to black men, and vice versa.

No, no and no.

I don’t belong to anyone, and I don’t owe anybody anything as far as my own life is concerned.

I don’t feel the need to put black men on some dating pedestal – above and before all other men. And definitely don’t feel pressured by those who would criticise me for feeling this way.

I am attracted to people – their personalities, their minds, their features, their spirits. Not their ‘races.’

Now, if you consider yourself “Down with the swirl” or a “Swirler,” more power to you.

I may not necessarily describe myself this way, but I’m not against or offended by the label either. At the end of the day, the wording really doesn’t matter.

The openness and willingness to embrace Love – universal, international and human Love, is what truly counts.
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Bio
Zara Chiron is a multicultural, multilingual African woman in Europe who creatively – and candidly, explores the collective ‘Afro’ Experience in writing, image and video via her website.

Connect with her on FacebookTwitterTumblr or Instagram.

tags: #swirling #downwiththeswirl #interracialdating

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Leona’s Love Quest : Friends with Penalties http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/leonas-love-quest-friends-penalties/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/leonas-love-quest-friends-penalties/#comments Wed, 28 Jan 2015 04:17:10 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=35855 Leona’s Love Quest  Friends with Penalties Whether it’s possible for a man and a woman to be friends is an age-old question made popular by a scene in When Harry Met Sally, one of my favorite Rom-Coms. (OMG! Remember when Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan were that young and beautiful?!) Surely men and women carry […]

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Leona’s Love Quest 

Friends with Penalties

Whether it’s possible for a man and a woman to be friends is an age-old question made popular by a scene in When Harry Met Sally, one of my favorite Rom-Coms. (OMG! Remember when Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan were that young and beautiful?!) Surely men and women carry on platonic relationships all the time, but Harry believed that idea of sex was always lurking underneath. While that may not be altogether true, quite often when a good friendship forms between a man and a woman there is an underlying fear that introducing sex might ruin it.

One of my dearest friends is indeed a man and I’ll admit that, while I did have a crush on him for all of about five minutes, our friendship has endured for many years. It probably helped that he was my boss and had a girlfriend at the time; however, I rarely let bothersome details such as unavailability or highly inappropriate conditions prevent me from finding a man attractive. Alternatively, a friendship with an ex can be more tricky, particularly when Person ‘A’ still has unresolved feelings and the supposedly disinterested Person ‘B’ keeps sending Person ‘A’ mixed messages. A few weeks ago, Friend Zone Guy sent me the nicest, most thoughtful text message about what a great time he had hanging out just before Christmas and he thanked me for being a part of his holidays. Now I feel like the bad guy for restricting our friendship, which doesn’t seem the least bit fair.

It’s clear to me that the word ‘friendship’ can mean different things to different people. During my last days on OKCupid, I got a message from a man who wrote in his profile, “Looking for an easy going, classy, sexy woman to build a friendship first.” That sounded really great until I saw that one of his photos included a nude selfie of his entire torso from shoulder to hip line. (You can see the NSFW photo on my Facebook page.) Normally, I would just ignore such an egregious contradiction in objectives, but I gave him a chance to explain himself because I thought you all might be amused by it:

ME: Seriously? You sounded great until I saw the naked picture :( That doesn’t say to me you’re looking for someone classy to build a friendship first, it says to me your looking for sex.
What’s the whole “friendship first” about?

RESPONSE: We may see this different …. The way I see it is to be a friend with someone before jumping into bed…. If I need plain sex I would go to different website. I’m looking for a FWB.

ME: I see. And if you said that up front, were you afraid you wouldn’t get a response?

RESPONSE: Maybe guys …. Not girls… People have different needs …. If u think about FWB is not that bad. If woman (or men) has FWB then she/he is not desperate and can make right choices when looking for special one.

ME: If I were desperate I would settle for FWB instead of holding out for the real thing. Men like you are just adverse to commitment. You think it requires you to give up too much.

RESPONSE: U maybe right

Geez, what an asshat. Here, I need to quote a priceless comment from our own darkandlovely of the BBW community who stated, “When guys think you aren’t seeing anyone, the default with them is always sex . . . They’re always ready to step up to the plate and offer you some penis.”

Guurll, you sure got that one right.

Alternatively, I recently met someone who, much like me, is tired of the endless string of dates that go nowhere that result from online dating. Since more of his successful relationships began as platonic friendships, he asked me (as the expert, ha!) if I thought women online might be open to this kind of approach. Unfortunately, it’s nearly impossible to recreate an organic friendship with someone you’ve met on a dating website because of their inherent expectations. I assumed he’d most likely end up in the Friend Zone while the woman continues to look for someone who actually wants to take her out on a date.  Likewise, if he continues dating someone he’d prefer to be friends with, she’s bound to be disappointed when things don’t work out the way that she expected. How’s that for a no-win situation? People who walk the line between friends and lovers often find themselves on some really shaky ground.

Someone with the username of heylookatthat recently coined the phrase “friends with penalties” on Urban Dictionary as:

“A friendship, most often between a man and women, that you do everything that you would when dating, but without romantic or sexual behavior. Many people assume the two of you are dating when in public. Note: Neither party wants something more out of the relationship.”

I’m guessing the reason this entry received a large number of thumbs down is because this person has described a friendship in which neither party is being penalized for any reason (or maybe UD commentators are just judgmental haters; I’ve also found this to be true.) I think a better definition for “friends with penalties” might be the kind of Friend Zone or FWB situation where one person puts up with a lot of crap from the other person because they secretly or not so secretly want more out of the relationship. The friend-zoned person is most often depicted as a male being strung along for his cash or a female FWB being used for sex, but we’ve all seen situations where the roles went down in reverse.  I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with a FWB situation, as long as it is mutually beneficial to both members and they are being completely honest (especially with themselves) about what it is they really want. I have come close to this kind of arrangement with my young musician friend I’ve referred to in earlier posts as Boy Wonder. The downside is that I only see him once or twice a year. Come to think of it, that could be the upside as well, depending on how I choose to look at it.

Thanks to Facebook, the definition of the word “friend” is even more ambiguous.  However, just because we have the ability to grant friendship requests with a simple click of a button, doesn’t mean we’ve lost control of how much access we allow them into our lives. Once it becomes difficult to let go of a friendship or love interest that no longer serves us, we must remember that our value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see our worth.

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Ever Wonder What Millennials Think About Interracial Dating? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/every-wonder-maillennials-think-interracial-dating/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/every-wonder-maillennials-think-interracial-dating/#comments Mon, 26 Jan 2015 05:11:49 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=35836 By Shannon Rogers, BB&W College Correspondent Bridging the Gap: Millennial’s and Interracial Dating Aisha, 22, Senior: “I asked him: “Do you even date black girls? Like, how does that work for you?” When it comes to interracial dating amongst millennials, it’s clear much has changed about the dynamics of race relations and dating since our […]

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By Shannon Rogers, BB&W College Correspondent

Students Talking Together Outside

Bridging the Gap: Millennial’s and Interracial Dating

Aisha, 22, Senior: “I asked him: “Do you even date black girls? Like, how does that work for you?”

When it comes to interracial dating amongst millennials, it’s clear much has changed about the dynamics of race relations and dating since our parents’, aunts’, uncles’, and grandparents’ courting years. However, the thought of interracial dating is still something of an enigma, particularly amongst young black women. Whether it’s a matter of not yet meeting the “right guy” outside their own race or not having had the opportunity, young black women are open and even eager to the idea of dating out, but simply haven’t given it much thought or been presented with the chance.

Some of the young ladies, like Aisha, were initially surprised by the invitation, especially when it was extended by white men versus Hispanic or even black men of other cultural back grounds.

Dorris, 21, Junior: “You know, I have [been approached by white guys], but I guess I never thought about dating a white guy. When he [the white guy] approached me I was looking around like, ‘Oh, you’re looking at me? You do that?’ I was a little thrown off. You know in the black community you just stay within the race. I’m open to it, but the right guy just hasn’t come along.”

“I think white guys may see our bodies and curves first. Maybe they view our bodies differently than white girls. I sometimes think they may view us as ratchet.”

Aisha, 22, Senior: “The first time I was approached by a white guy when I asked him if he dated black girls, he said he did, they just had to be a certain type of black girl. I guess he meant like: ‘Oh my god I go to Yale, I ride bikes.”’Not hood.”

“I have been approached by white and some Hispanic guys. I don’t think there’s much difference in the way they approach versus black guys. They tend to do what their peers/friends do as far as approaching.”

 “I think white guys may hesitate with black girls hoping they don’t get a hood or ratchet black girl.”

Many of the young women said they wanted to date out, but hadn’t had the chance.

Jaeden, 19, freshman: “I want to [date out] I just haven’t had the opportunity yet!”

“Hispanic guys approach me the same as black guys, with either “Hey ma.” or “Excuse me miss.”

Shannon, 22, Senior: “I haven’t [dated out] I want to, but I haven’t been asked.”

Young black women who had dated men outside of their race, however, had much different responses in the way they thought other races of men perceived them as black women. All of them expressed an eagerness to date out again or for the first time. They talked about the differences in their experiences dating interracially versus within their race and what intrigued them about the men’s approach.

Alecia, Anisa, and Naima, 20-22, Juniors: “We’ve all dated white guys.”

“It was a breath of fresh air.”

“It was like listening to a Katy Perry song as opposed to listening to 2 Chainz.”

“Like Fireworks!”

“We were going on hikes and picnics. Well, we went on a picnic; we didn’t go on a hike!”

“We would definitely do it again.”

“Their approach was more laid back and calm versus ‘Come chill with me, come chill with me, come chill with me,’ making me feel like I don’t have a choice. Not saying all black guys are like that, but the white guys just came off as if they had good intentions.”

“I feel like they viewed me with a crown where black guys see a stripper pole.”

“White guys are very respectful and appropriate. They know when to do things and when not to. Like grabbing your ass in a store or in front of your family, for example! White guys do that behind closed doors.”

Crystal, a twenty year old sophomore, had a lot to say about the interracial dating scene at her HBCU. She shared her own experiences as well as what she observed as far as the dating behaviors of her male peers.

“You’ll have more luck asking the guys here. They’ve just about all dated out.”

“They [black guys] want these foreign and white girls with “black features” and “white attitudes.” They think it’s the best of both worlds. They also want the girls to be pure [not having a reputation] but will date around with all of their friends. However, if the girl were to do that amongst his friends she’d immediately get a reputation. As soon as the girl messes up, the guys know about it.”

“I feel that guys outside my race see me as intelligent where black guys see me as intimidating. The guys that have approached me outside my race were respectful and laid back. Their intentions seemed good.”

“I’m talking to a guy that’s mixed Hispanic and Italian now. We’re just talking for right now, so we’ll see how it goes!”

In response to the young women’s views on dating out, several non-black men shared their experiences with interracial dating and their perceptions of black women. In contrast to the young women’s mixed feelings and responses on interracial dating, all but one of the young men I spoke to had dated out and seemed willing or eager to do it again.

Harry, 23, Grad: “I dated a black girl once, and it was positive. We dated for two years.”

“I was just really confident in approaching her. I just kept it real and was myself.”

“The first thing I notice is smile then body (butt then breasts).”

“I don’t know why black girls don’t date out more.”

John, 18, freshman: “I dated a black girl; it was the best ever, you feel me? It only ended because I moved.”

“Nah, approach isn’t different. If I’m interested it doesn’t matter the race – I’m going for it!”

“I like confidence and talent in a girl and a nice butt.”

“I think black girls think black guys are ‘bigger.’”

Roy (East Asian), 22, Senior: “I’ve never dated a black girl, but I like them, and I want to.”

“How I would approach? I would just compliment the girl on how nice she looks and try to start a conversation with her.”

“The first thing I notice? I don’t know; just you. I like a pretty face though.”

James, 26: “I’ve dated out. It was positive and negative. It was a big difference.”

“I just do what I do for all girls as far as asking out.”

“I notice eyes first.”

“I guess maybe black girls who don’t date out just don’t want to. I don’t really know.”

Seth, 25: “Can’t give it to you brief. Color doesn’t matter; it’s the love for each other. Everybody else’s opinion is what makes it hard. Like black guys would always run their mouths in public. We always had to defend our relationship. It is definitely a new thing all the way around but I don’t care. I don’t see skin color so it doesn’t matter to me.”

“If you feel like you wanna be with the man no matter the skin color, then nothing else matters. Love tunes everything else out.”

“As far as the relationship, it was a blast. Loved every minute we shared.”

“But seriously [I notice] teeth. Black women tend to have some of the most beautiful smiles. Skin tone does it for me too. It’s just beautiful.”

“Maybe society, parents, the media; there’s all sorts of reasons. It’s like a kid coming out of the closet; the attraction has always been there, they may just be afraid of what everybody else thinks.”

The dilemma it seems that both young black women and young non-black men have in reaching each other is a lack of understanding of one another, or a lack of opportunity.

Young non-black men who have dated out and were open and willing to do it again or even for a first time, had never given much thought as to why black women do not date out as often as their male counterparts, other non-black women, or perhaps themselves.

While young black women who had not dated interracially have filled in their own blanks with skewed ideas of how men of other races may perceive them.

Young ladies like Jaeden and Shannon who want to date interracially, have not yet been presented with the opportunity.

Despite the mixed responses, misunderstandings, and boundaries, one thing is clear; both millennial non-black men and black women are willing to cross racial boarders to find the “right one” the only thing that can bridge the gap between the groups, is reaching out to one another.

About Shannon: I am a twenty-one year old business administration major with a minor in entrepreneurial studies at Bennett College. Bennett College is an all female HBCU just down the road from A&T, a very prominent HBCU, known for having the best engineering program for blacks in the country.

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When IBM Nonsense Doesn’t Go Over Well with White America http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/ibm-nonsense-doesnt-go-well-white-america/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/ibm-nonsense-doesnt-go-well-white-america/#comments Mon, 26 Jan 2015 05:06:29 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=35833 There is yet another “relationship” book by black men aimed at black women. As soon as I heard this one has eight – EIGHT – co-authors, I knew vomit-inducing nonsense was ahead. Sure enough, The Today Show interviewed three of the authors and the never-married, so-called “IBM” (Ideal Black Man), Frank, did not disappoint. Visit […]

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There is yet another “relationship” book by black men aimed at black women. As soon as I heard this one has eight – EIGHT – co-authors, I knew vomit-inducing nonsense was ahead. Sure enough, The Today Show interviewed three of the authors and the never-married, so-called “IBM” (Ideal Black Man), Frank, did not disappoint.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Watch how Savannah and Matt, the anchors, are completely turned off by this guy who, at first, has no idea his behavior could be considered unbecoming. Note the things that are perfectly commonplace for him – like getting the max out of a woman – that in proper White America are considered douchey, Barney Stinson-type behavior:

  • “No matter where a woman is in life, she should always be able to cater to her man’s needs … prepare his meals, draw him a bath and massage his feet now and then.”
  • “Men will cheat because to us, it’s just sex; there’s no real emotional attachment so we see it as harmless.”
  • On handling the bill on a first date: “If a woman insists, let her.”

I am begging – BEGGING – black women to please stop supporting projects by black men looking to exploit our desires to be properly loved and cherished. At this point, all of these books sound like this:

Relship books

To our lurkers: skip the rope-a-dope and take your hard earned $20 bucks to a paint with wine class or something. There are better men to be had than the black male unicorns who require you to twist into a pretzel to prove you are worthy to even breathe their air.

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Anti-Swirling Black Women And You: Why Their Loudness Means Nothing To YOUR Happiness http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/anti-swirling-black-women-loudness-means-nothing-happiness/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/anti-swirling-black-women-loudness-means-nothing-happiness/#comments Fri, 23 Jan 2015 15:40:16 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=35801 I was moved to write this post by BBW community member Vivaforever, who expressed her concerns over the ugly hatred that is spread toward black women who date inter-racially by other black women: The sheer abundance of women like Key-sha is what troubles me. They seem to be growing in number as more BW date […]

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I was moved to write this post by BBW community member Vivaforever, who expressed her concerns over the ugly hatred that is spread toward black women who date inter-racially by other black women:

The sheer abundance of women like Key-sha is what troubles me. They seem to be growing in number as more BW date and marry IR too, in tandem with the rise in the number of BM speaking out against BW in interracial relationships.
On some BW-centered sites, you’ll have black women commenters trying to tear other BW in IRRs to shreds, including BW Youtube vloggers who have done nothing to them. It’s pathological and scary; the deflection of their internal anger and frustration onto other BW is just what DRB BM have been doing. Instead of introspection and an outward assessment of why their lives are the way they are, they’d prefer to fasten a yoke around other BW’s necks so that we all are similarly burdened, struggling, and defeated. I used to feel for these women, but I realized that I was giving them too little credit when trying to gauge their motives. Just like BM, they have a disturbing agenda as it concerns BW.

 

Is it true? Are anti-swirling BW really growing in number and force? Should we all feel threatened?

 

Where Are All These DBR BW Coming From?

There are a few reasons you notice all these hating, sour, DBR black women in pro-BW and pro-BW interracial dating spaces.

That’s where the black men are!

Seriously. How many times have we had black men “stumble” across BBW on the way to a IRR relationship site looking for a non-black woman who stuck around to give us a piece of their mind? Or black men who are so “concerned” about their inability to find their black queen (but who aren’t concerned enough to tell this to strictly pro-black love communities)?

 

As much as they hate us, they are desperate to control us and influence and so these males stay all up under us.

Even so, they are not getting anywhere with the women in this community,  and it drives them bonkers.

And if you think it drives the BM trolls nuts, just think of how it makes the DBR sista soldiers feel!

They come here and other places DESPERATE to prove to these men that they are “down” for the cause. To get their attention. To prove their loyalty.

ANYTHING so that these men will acknowledge their existence and “come home”.

 

Yet, nothing works.

 

Jealousy is an irrational emotion, ladies. Jealousy inspires women to knock down those other women they see as a threat to obtaining men they want rather than examine whether these men they’re after (1) even want them back or (2) are worth the trouble.

 

They Want What You Have…

I don’t like dragging people’s business into the open. So I’m not going to put Key-sha, the woman sharing around that UGLY meme targeting an interracial family, on blast.

But I’m going to say that given what I gleaned from her situation, and the situation of hateful black women who we often see sneering at us, that it’s a different kind of jealousy than what I expressed earlier.

Black women have been largely abandoned by the black community. I don’t have to tell you this.

However, some of us know what it’s like to be valued, loved, and protected. Perhaps we grew up with it, or we found men who loved us and made us appreciate what it meant to be treasured as women.

 

I know that these women would have you believe that they were disgusted at the idea this woman and her baby resting in the arms of “the slave master”

meme_2

However, beneath that hateful meme-sharing is the truth: They are jealous that this woman is being loved and protected in a way that they can only DREAM of. The biggest kick in the gut is that the man who is doing that is supposed to be the enemy.

When a man who’s supposed to hate ALL black women loves a black woman, marries her, and devotes his LIFE to her security and well-being…how does that reflect on the black men she elects to associate with and her own personal judgement?

This woman is now forced to confront everything she knows about her life, why she’s unmarried, why she’s a single mother to multiple kids by multiple men, and every ailment of her life that’s supposed to be the fault of white people…but she knows deep down really isn’t.

Seeing black women married, happy, and loved in interracial relationships and seeing black women unafraid of exploring the greater world to find their own happiness is a nightmare to women who spent their entire lives limiting themselves because of lies they were told.

Even now we deal with black men coming into this space trying that, “White men can’t be trusted”, “nobody wants you”, “you’re nothing but a whore” crap. Abusive, awful men who have no concept of loving, respecting, or protecting women.

But we’re lucky; we know we deserve to be treated better. So these men are laughed down and given the boot.

These poor women accept the same mistreatment as par the course because they don’t know that men are supposed to treat them better, and that blaming the behavior of these damaged males on white racism is one of the biggest cop-outs in modern history.

…But Are Afraid Of Rejection

The Aesop fable about the “Fox and the Grapes” is one of my favorites.

The tale is about a fox who no matter how hard he tries cannot get at grapes that are just out of reach. After giving up, the Fox comforts himself with the idea that the grapes were probably sour anyway.

The moral is that it’s easy to despise what you feel you cannot have.

In a similar way, some black women who anticipate disappointment rather than demand love and respect will often act to try and protect themselves from being hurt.

They will call a man their “hubby” and play house without asking that man to marry her. She will tell herself that it’s safer to do this rather than risk losing him.

These black women will also LOUDLY declare they aren’t attracted to non-black men to preempt being rejected by one.

It’s not about being rejected by black men; however loudly some BM trolls threaten to excommunicate a black woman who dates inter-racially, they stay in these spaces making their thoughts heard.

Also, it’s a known fact that black women do not have to date inter-racially to experience utter rejection from black men.

So this falls under a fear of being rejected by white men.

 

Often these women are angry at their own circumstances and are also too afraid to even hope for better.

So they respond by attacking happy black women chasing away non-black men who might be interested in them.

If a person “solves” the problem of being rejected before that rejection can happen, there is no chance to be hurt.

The person can say that he/she was left alone because that’s what they wanted and not because they were abandoned.

 

Their Unhappiness IS No Threat To You!

These women are acting out for one reason or another, but it all ties back to themselves and their issues.

These persons are in actuality quite powerless, or at least they can influence your happiness as much as you ALLOW them to.

If you seek to be validated by people who are unwilling to give it, you’ll never be happy.

On the other hand, if you surround yourself with positive and loving individuals, you’ll never be wanting for love and support.

 

I said before that I feel sorry for these women because they are in a place emotionally and mentally that must be a living Hell.

“Hurt people hurt people.”

You don’t have to actively engage these DBR black women trolls, but know that they can’t harm you. And then get back to living your own happy life and being thankful for being mentally and emotionally free of the type of garbage they call normal, everyday life.

The post Anti-Swirling Black Women And You: Why Their Loudness Means Nothing To YOUR Happiness appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

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