Beyond Black & White » Relationships http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Fri, 31 Oct 2014 10:51:36 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.0 SHARE: Dating Outside of the States http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/dating-outside-of-the-states/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/dating-outside-of-the-states/#comments Fri, 31 Oct 2014 10:44:59 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=34188 Recently, some of our readers shared some very juicy gems about their interactions and dating experiences while traveling abroad. Most important to note was how these experiences transformed them, from feeling invisible, ignored and constrained here in America by various groups of men, into the powerful realization that there ARE men out there who value, […]

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Arsenal Players Pose in Their New Club Suits

Recently, some of our readers shared some very juicy gems about their interactions and dating experiences while traveling abroad. Most important to note was how these experiences transformed them, from feeling invisible, ignored and constrained here in America by various groups of men, into the powerful realization that there ARE men out there who value, adore and pursue black women. They smile. They approach and compliment. They flirt. Those behaviors are just what they do when they find a woman attractive.

Here at BB&W, we strongly encourage black women to experience study, work or vacation abroad (you can check out our travel section here). The realization that non black men ARE attracted to black women is a necessary component of broadening your dating pool – it brings confidence, which many studies show is one of the best ways to attract people to you.  And broadening your dating pool – to choose character over color – really helps find the BEST person for you. As Sheryl Sandberg wrote, “the most important career choice a woman will make is her choice of spouse.” Limiting the pool of potential spouses does not serve your interests.

BB&W recently received an on-the-ground report about how black women are received in Australia:

Hi Miss Swirl,
Re: OKCupid Australia … more messages than a ‘black’ girl could ever reply to from all types of men!!!
I just wanted to let you know that I don’t agree with your article that white men In Canada are more open to dating black women than those in the states. Although one of my siblings is married to a ‘Caucasian man’; I have NEVER been asked out by one in my 20+ years. I am objectively not as beautiful, cute or well shaped as her. She is stunning.  When I have OKCupid and Christian Mingle in Canada and I got more responses from men in the USA on these websites, who lived near the border so I was in their area. (I did have a relationship with one of those men, but that is another story).
 Anyways, I just moved to Australia, created a profile with just two of my pictures – because I am learning that men mostly care about looks. Wow…tons of replies messages 20 in 24 hours…more coming in as we speak! Girl I can’t keep up! I’ve actually been deleting a ton of replies…I can’t talk to everybody.
Please tell the ladies that Australia is RIPE for the pickings.
One amazing thing is that many Australians are actually born abroad – particularly from the UK, US, New Zealand and more and more from Asia. So although Australians are known for their racism –particularly against the Sudanese and the Aboriginal populations – there is a good cohort who is adventure seekers and love traveling and thus the type of person that is very open to new experiences. An additional bonus to the men in this group is that they often come/came to Australia for work – yess booo they have a J-O-B (Snap in a z formation). On a final note, this is where American/Canadian identity carries even more weight – you are automatically thought of as kool, and with, get this, an EXOTIC accent. Hahaha.
On that note: I have very dark skin, am short and round but not overweight but -5’2 133lbs – I am working on…but I do have a pretty awesome curly weave and a great smile thanks to 2 years of adult braces :S…almost worth it. All those Sudanese women look like models…in fact many of them work as models here hahaha, not to mention the gorgeous Zimbabwean and South African women…I have nooo idea what one would see in me?!? And if one does have a panache for very dark women, there are many East Indian, Bangladesh and various Asian women around.
There are pro’s and con’s to living in Australia. Racism is real, but in a very different way than I presume in America. No place is perfect, unfortunately, but if there is one thing that I have taken to heart and put into practice is to NEVER let racism, racists, or  the fear of thereof rob me from experiencing other cultures…the score should always be me-1:racism-0…why not let that philosophy carry over to finding the one?
Much love,
Lost in Australia/Anonymous  ;P
And this…from the same letter writer
RE: African American women should seriously consider the great diversity that African men have to offer!!
I thought I would write you another message.
I know that your site focuses on inter-racial marriage- targeting white men specifically.  I was just wondering if you could include more content on African men and African American women.  As a woman of African descent I feel like African American women are MISSING OUT.  Although I am open minded to who I would like to marry, I know that I would be very happy with a fellow African.  It hurts me when I hear African American women refer to very weird and untrue stereotypes when referring to African people and African men specifically. Although the African population in the US is very small – a result of immigration policy- I think that they would be a great option for women who are educated and open minded.  –I always joke that I will find my Nigerian prince charming, PHd working on a MD :P’ -
African men are very traditional, but have great male training and put a high premium on marriage. Family and carrying on their fathers name is very important to them. I love my African culture soooo much. I wish I could share it with everyone that I meet. Hahaha. I love the clothes, I love the language, I love my tribe. I think we are the most beautiful people and I can spot someone from my ancestry across the room. I love when other Africans from say Congo or Benin come up to me in the mall and say ohhh yes…You look so Kenyan. Hahaha. And I love that my Kenyan professor called me sister the first time he met me.
African men are diverse. You can talk about some FINE Moroccan’s – girl!. Then there are Nigerian men – built strong. You have intelligent East African men; let us not forget those South African bothers – sooo smooth sooo refined and baby sooo modern.
The book Marriage is for White People clearly states that there are enough men to go around for AA women. Although the ratio of interested men isn’t as high for AA women as women of other backgrounds, there is enough interests for every AA women to be married/dating if they aggregate the interest of men from all backgrounds.
Yup the world is a black women’s oyster.
Ok that is my last message, glad I could share :P,
Anonymous

So let’s sound off in the comments! What have your experiences been while mingling abroad?

 

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It Should Be a SIN for Women Like This to be Dateless!! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/sin-women-like-dateless/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/sin-women-like-dateless/#comments Thu, 30 Oct 2014 23:48:00 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=34443 I am beyond disgusted at how quality, high-value black women are left withering on the vine. I just got this letter today: I’ve just stumbled upon your YouTube page and have recently visited your website and I’m so glad to have found you. I have some questions as to why I don’t seem to get […]

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I am beyond disgusted at how quality, high-value black women are left withering on the vine. I just got this letter today:

I’ve just stumbled upon your YouTube page and have recently visited your website and I’m so glad to have found you. I have some questions as to why I don’t seem to get approached by men.

I am a 25 year old grad student applying to med school this year and I’m active in my church as well as stay physically active and have a pretty busy life. I’m interested in interracial dating but I’m clueless on how to go about it. Any help would be so greatly appreciated. I mainly would like to know where I can go to meet some great guys that are open to it. I live in Atlanta, GA. I know I know the south isnt a good place for that kind of thing but I have seen many many interracial couples when I am out and about and would like to know how I can get one. Lol thanks and I hope to hear from you very soon.

Why. Why. WHY?!

Take a look at this woman.

 

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Similar to doctor, Misee Harris, quality women like this are getting passed over…but why? A woman who looked like this and with the kind of credentials she has would have been snatched up and locked down with an engagement ring right about now. Lucky for Misee, she listened to me, and now she’s moving full speed with a wonderful, European, Emmy Award-winning screen writer. Now it’s this girl’s turn!

It’s time for this young lady to read, Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed, and start connecting with QUALITY men of ALL races, because while she’s in the south, Atlanta is an international hub–especially for people in the medical field. She shouldn’t have to look far to find her rainbeau…more than likely they’ll be more than a few men right in her circle who would LOVE to date her.

Ladies, give this woman a new perspective!

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Get X-Mas Money! Enter Our First BB&W “Happy Couple” Contest to Win a $100 Visa Gift Card! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/get-x-mas-money-enter-first-bbw-happy-couple-contest-win-100-visa-gift-card/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/get-x-mas-money-enter-first-bbw-happy-couple-contest-win-100-visa-gift-card/#comments Wed, 29 Oct 2014 03:08:51 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=34377 We’re on a mission to rebuild all the “Happy Couple” photos and stories we collected on our original Beyond Black & White fan page! These stories are essential…they’re encouraging, enlightening, uplifting and empowering to our community. We suffered a terrible loss when the trolls were successful in shutting us down. We’ll be back and bigger […]

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We’re on a mission to rebuild all the “Happy Couple” photos and stories we collected on our original Beyond Black & White fan page! These stories are essential…they’re encouraging, enlightening, uplifting and empowering to our community. We suffered a terrible loss when the trolls were successful in shutting us down.

We’ll be back and bigger than ever, and to sweeten the pot, anyone who submits happy couple photos along with the story of how you and your partner met between now and November 25 automatically gets entered to win a $100 Visa gift card. The winner of the contest will be selected by the number of “likes” and engagement on our new page, Beyond Black & White The Rebirth.  Runner up will receive a $25 Visa gift card.

To get an idea of what we’re looking for, check out our first submission.

“Bill’s Story”

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Hello, my name is Bill Watson. I live in a little town called Rockland, PA. Rockland is a little farming community that dosen’t have a post office so our address is Emlenton, PA. I live on a farm that my ancestors settled. Our county courthouse has a map from 1825 that shows our family on it. We live in a all white community. My grade school and high school was all white!  I remember in grade school, learning about slavery and was the first time I ever seen a black person. Before then I just thought everyone was white! The first time I saw a picture of a black lady I remember thinking, “Why would, and how could anyone be so cruel to the most beautiful thing God ever created?” Since then, I had always wished I lived in a unsegregated community. I didn’t realize back in the 70’s things didn’t change much. As a kid, I thought racism was over. It wasn’t til I got older and watching the news that I realized we didn’t go far from the slave days!So not knowing any Black girls, I dated a few white girls, but always ended up feeling bad for them cause my heart just wasn’t there. I used to go to Franklin,  about 20 miles away,  just hoping to see a black girl in the supermarket! But it seemed all the black girls left that town when they got of age or just stayed home.  I would see black men but never black girls.I did meet a black lady in Franklin and we dated for awhile but she had children and alot of daddy drama. So I started going to Meadville  which is is about 45 miles away. I met a black lady there and we dated but she also had alot of baby daddy drama and she drank too much! Then my brother told me I should get a computer. So in 2006 I got a PC and didn’t know even how to turn it on! Anyways, I would see dating sights on tv commercials so I thought, why not? I met a black lady from Meadville on a regular dating site and we started talking. We started dating, then I learned she was married! So I broke it off and I thought to my self, “I’ll never find my true love.” I was so sad and I promised myself I wasn’t going to settle for a white girl when my heart was for a black girl cause that wouldn’t be fair to the white girl and I could never truly be happy. I would watch movies about black women and white men and think how wonderful that must be! Then one day I found InterracialDatingCentral.com.  I looked through the site and I came across the most beautiful lady I’ve ever seen. She was in Chicago and I was intimidated cause she was in a big city and I was just a poor country boy living in a farm town! I went on past her profile and I kept thinking of her. So a week or so later I thought why not. Won’t be the first time I been ashamed!To my suprise she answered me back. I remember thinking to myself this must be a scam?!!  No one that georgous would ever give me the time of day! So we started talking and it turned out she was from Lusaka, Zambia. She was raised in Lusaka and always remembered as a child liking white boys and always wanted to come to America!

Lusaka is the capital of Zambia and a city so she was raised with all races of people. She came to America at 18 through a church program. She lived in NYC,Oregon, California and then Chicago.She never lived in the country. I never been out of my county hardly let alone on a plane! After talking for months online and telephone, she flew to Pittsburgh  and I had my one brother that was a truck driver to drive me to the airport. She came for the weekend, and a month later moved here. We are married and I adopted her daughter from her first marriage. We had a daughter together and we are one happy family! I thank God everyday for the blessings he gave me. Who would ever think a poor farm boy from Rockland would ever marry a African Queen from Zambia. I didn’t share my story for the prize I just wanted to let people see never give up you will find your soulmate as I did!

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That story is so stinkin’ sweet. Humble farm boy meets his African princess.

Now what are you waiting for?! Send us your story via email at christelyn@beyondblackwhite.com.

 

 

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Neil’s Story: The Overseas Wedding that (Almost) Never Happened http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/neils-story-overseas-wedding-almost-never-happened/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/neils-story-overseas-wedding-almost-never-happened/#comments Tue, 28 Oct 2014 06:04:57 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=34342 Hello Christelyn , this is my journey to swirling. My name is Neil and for as long as I can remember I’ve always liked black women , growing up in northern England was good but it lacked one thing Black Women lol. There was never a moment that flicked the switch so to speak I […]

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Hello Christelyn , this is my journey to swirling.

My name is Neil and for as long as I can remember I’ve always liked black women , growing up in northern England was good but it lacked one thing Black Women lol. There was never a moment that flicked the switch so to speak I just saw women as women no matter the colour , that was until my mid to late teen’s when I became aware of a English all girl group called Eternal who were made up of 3 black woman and 1 white woman. Add to that more groups like en vogue and SWV and I was hooked.

I actually stumbled upon the website which would change my life forever , it was called myyearbook and back in 2010 it was a lesser known facebook with lots of games. Nowadays it’s a dating site ironically but I went there to play games and maybe talk to other like minded people. I started friend requesting interesting people and one just happened to be my future wife , I will always remember the evening in late February when Cathy (my wife) accepted my request and we had a little chat about nothing in particular. She did mention that she was having some Reese’s Piece’s (I’d never heard of them) and that has and always will stick with me.

We began talking online on a daily basis and soon after we made the step to talking on the phone , I was nervous and excited at the same time lol. After about a month of talking I knew she was the one and on top of that I found faith through Cathy. That is something I’ve never really had in my life before , when the woman I’ve been talking to for a month tells me she has been praying for me it pretty much knocked the wind out of me (in a good way). She’s the one that got me my first bible and because of that my whole outlook on life has changed for the very much better. Even in the very early stages of our journey that black woman love and soul affects you and just makes you grow.

The next step was to webcam and again I was both nervous and excited lol , the first thing I noticed was how staggeringly beautiful she was even when the webcam was not at its best. Then of course was the hair change off screen lol , I thought it was her real hair and that just made me feel more closer to her. This was my first experience of the marvel that is black woman’s hair and yes I am still learning to this day lol.  We started talking more and more about marriage and building a future together and possibly kids , at the time I was 32 and she 38.

Now telling family and friends about possible future plans was actually easier than I thought because I was now in the mindset of if you don’t like it tough sh*t. When I told my dad all he said was he was happy for me and to be careful in Detroit lol and to be honest that’s all I wanted to hear. My dad seemed to be the happiest for me , my mum and both sisters were kinda lacking his enthusiasm. I wasn’t sure if it was for the colour of Cathy’s skin or the 3600 miles away I would be living either way I just wasn’t bothered as I knew I’d found my soulmate and queen.

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Anyway I arrange a trip for myself in June of the same year for us to meet in person for the first time , I remember counting down the weeks and days until the day finally came. I sent money over as Cathy had already found her engagement ring. We were looking into how I would come over permanently and we agree on a fiancée visa. Cathy started on the paperwork as I was preparing to bring some papers over in June.

June 18th 2010 finally came and I was so ready to meet my black queen in person , just a short 8hr flight to Washington with an hour stop over before onward to Detroit. A short taxi ride to the hotel and then the short wait before she arrived with my future mother in law and step son. The first thing I notice was how even more beautiful she was in person which I didn’t think was possible. After saying hello’s we were left alone in person for the first time ever and again I was nervous and excited. We both couldn’t stop smiling and kissed and held each other as our soul’s just entwined around us , so this is real love.

We had a bite to eat and Cathy gave me her engagement ring which I gave back to her a little later down on one knee when she was least expecting it. She said yes and called her mum who told her she was on her way to the hotel as she wanted to see me propose to her daughter , I’ve never heard of this before but who am I to disagree with my queens mother. So about 10mins later I was down on one knee AGAIN and got a 2nd yes lol. That week was fantastic and I did not want to leave but we did fill out all the paperwork for the visa to get started. We paid the fee and sent it off and I sadly returned to England , Cathy would check each week for updates on visajourney.com. So many older men trying to get young Asian women over , Cathy loved looking and reading all the comments lol.

The timescale for the visa paperwork was around 6-7months so we were thinking January time for it to be finalized all being well. Well it didn’t go as smoothly as one would hope , firstly Cathy missed ticking a box and the paperwork got sent back to her before we could proceed. After a few months of waiting and getting little progress the paperwork was approved and was heading to the US Embassy in London. During this time we webcammed , texted (not cheap lol) and talked on the phone daily and began missing each other big time. One of the things that would make me smile was thinking about holding Cathy’s hand in mine , seeing her dark fingers in my pale one’s always did sometime to me lol still does and still don’t know why.

I got a letter from the Embassy outlining what they needed from me , full police background check etc which I got in due time. This was now in mid February and we were thinking when would we catch a break. I was sent a letter saying I would receive an interview date within 2 weeks , those 2 weeks came and I received no letter. I called the number on the letter and I explained the situation and ask when my interview was , I was told yesterday ….. WTF !!!! I so dreaded telling Cathy that news because if you missed an interview it would put the process back by up to 4 months. I went to the local post office to see if any letter had arrived for me which it had but I never received it because someone at the Embassy had forgotten to put postage on it again WTF!!!! I told the post office to send it back so they could see it was there mistake and it worked as 4 days later I got an email requesting me to attend an interview the following Tuesday , good news at last. By now we had set a wedding date of May 28th and it was creeping up fast.

I went down to London for the interview which was about 30mins long with about 5hrs waiting time but finally got approved and booked a ONE WAY TICKET. I worked my 2 week notice and said my goodbyes to everyone and was on my way. Not once in all this process was there ever a doubt in my mind that we would never be together. The day I flew over was on royal wedding day and I will always remember that , one funny thing from that day was the person checking me in was a guy with a heavy Russian accent LOL.

I got to the place I now call home and what a relief it finally was , in the coming days I got fitted for my wedding ring and suit. My mum and my younger sister were coming over for the wedding , my dad said he didn’t have the fund’s but 3 days before the wedding called me to say he was at Detroit airport. I said a few choice words as he explained that he had always planned on coming but wanted it to be a surprise.

I notice I’ve be charping on for some time now so I’ll cut this short. The wedding was small but beautiful and since we’ve been married I’ve travelled more than I have in my entire life. My dad plan’s on visiting in the New Year and we intend to travel to Britain in 2016 for my sister’s wedding.

I would just like to finish with the fact that more and more people seem to be finding out what I already know that black women a simply fantastic. The soul you ladies have just draws people to you and your big hearts take care of the rest.

Thank you for allowing me to tell my long story and sorry for my LONG story.

Neil wedding rings

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Late Night Man Candy Monday: Welcome to Bollywood!! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/man-candy-monday-welcome-bollywood/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/man-candy-monday-welcome-bollywood/#comments Tue, 28 Oct 2014 01:44:04 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=34226 Hollywood is overrated, so I hear, it’s not like I’ve been there but what I do know is that there is a more festive and exciting place than L.A. could ever imagine. Let’s take a trip, ladies, across the pond and several hours away there lies a place called Bollywood, and here you can find […]

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Hollywood is overrated, so I hear, it’s not like I’ve been there but what I do know is that there is a more festive and exciting place than L.A. could ever imagine. Let’s take a trip, ladies, across the pond and several hours away there lies a place called Bollywood, and here you can find many, many forms of exotic candy to tempt your palate.

Follow me, and please be sure to replace your silk veil if you happen to drop it like it’s hot….for some cool air. It can get quite hot in India.

Bollywood,actors,Salman Khan,Akshay Kumar,Imran Khan,Emraan Hashmi,Neil Nitin Mukhesh,Dino Moreo,John Abraham,Aamir Khan,Ajay Devgn,Hrithik Roshan,Shahid Kapoor,Saif Ali Khan,shirtles

Salmon Khan

 

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Akshay Kumar

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Bollywood,actors,Salman Khan,Akshay Kumar,Imran Khan,Emraan Hashmi,Neil Nitin Mukhesh,Dino Moreo,John Abraham,Aamir Khan,Ajay Devgn,Hrithik Roshan,Shahid Kapoor,Saif Ali Khan,shirtless

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Imran Khan

Bollywood,actors,Salman Khan,Akshay Kumar,Imran Khan,Emraan Hashmi,Neil Nitin Mukhesh,Dino Moreo,John Abraham,Aamir Khan,Ajay Devgn,Hrithik Roshan,Shahid Kapoor,Saif Ali Khan,shirtless

Bollywood,actors,Salman Khan,Akshay Kumar,Imran Khan,Emraan Hashmi,Neil Nitin Mukhesh,Dino Moreo,John Abraham,Aamir Khan,Ajay Devgn,Hrithik Roshan,Shahid Kapoor,Saif Ali Khan,shirtless

Emraan Hashmi

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Neil Nitin Mukesh 222

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Neil Nitin Mukhesh

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Dino Moreo

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Bollywood,actors,Salman Khan,Akshay Kumar,Imran Khan,Emraan Hashmi,Neil Nitin Mukhesh,Dino Moreo,John Abraham,Aamir Khan,Ajay Devgn,Hrithik Roshan,Shahid Kapoor,Saif Ali Khan,shirtless

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John Abraham

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Aamir Khan

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Ajay Devgn

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Hrithik-Roshan-Body

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Hrithik Roshan

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Shahid Kapoor

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Saif Ali Khan

Need more candy?

Well, it is Halloween week so I guess it’s okay. Head on over to here and here to get a mouthful of chiseled chest, designer clothes and Indian hotness.

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Leona’s Love Quest:  The ABC’s of Finding Love  http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/leonas-love-quest-abcs-finding-love/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/leonas-love-quest-abcs-finding-love/#comments Mon, 27 Oct 2014 05:28:07 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=34221 By the time you read this it will be just about two months since I returned from Matthew Hussey’s High Value Woman Lifestyle Retreat. I wish I was still at the resort sipping champagne and watching the sun set over the ocean. (P.S. – If you decide to go, make sure to tell them Leona’s […]

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alphabetBy the time you read this it will be just about two months since I returned from Matthew Hussey’s High Value Woman Lifestyle Retreat. I wish I was still at the resort sipping champagne and watching the sun set over the ocean. (P.S. – If you decide to go, make sure to tell them Leona’s Love Quest referred you!) The upside of a whole new perspective is feeling like I can achieve anything. The downside is that I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the number of things I would really like to improve or accomplish.

First I had to deal with the guy I was dating who later friend-zoned me. For a while I thought a friendship between us would be possible, especially since I had recently moved into an apartment right around the corner from where he lived. I was very uneasy about moving that close, but the place was so perfect I couldn’t pass it up. It had a brand new kitchen and bathroom, hardwood floors and walk-in closets, central air and heat, lots of windows, a front porch, a backyard, and a washer/dryer in the basement. There was free street parking and the trolley that stopped at the corner would get me downtown to work in fifteen minutes flat. Best of all, it was on the 1st floor, a very rare commodity that would save me tons of aggravation on moving day and well beyond. I was even able to talk the landlord into decreasing the rent by $100. After weeks of running around the city looking at one heinous walkup after another, I didn’t have the strength or fortitude to search any longer.  I also had to make a decision soon or I would be stuck moving everything into storage until I came back from my summer job. By then all of the best properties would have been rented by college students and I’d be back at square one.

Friend Zone Guy really was a huge help on my moving day. After a series of mishaps relocating to Philly last year, I was still on a really tight budget. I hired a very muscular friend of his to help me move furniture and boxes in the morning. Once Friend Zone Guy got off from work, he first removed my back door so we could get the sofa inside. Then he arranged all the boxes, put together my bookshelf and my bedframe, fixed my broken wall clock and helped me hang curtains. He doesn’t own a car, so to show my appreciation, I told him he could use mine occasionally instead of the expensive car share he was paying for. He was always very grateful, but when his new girlfriend entered the picture I never heard from him unless he wanted to use my car. When I told him our so-called friendship wasn’t really working for me anymore he apologized for taking advantage of my generosity. He blamed himself for ending our relationship and said he still thought I was a lot of fun. He always used the word “fun” to describe me and I was really starting to resent it. We always had a great time together, but I don’t think he ever thought of me as much more than a buddy.

I applied for the retreat with my main objective of finding ways to meet more men and be able to recognize the right kind of guy when I found him. Occasionally Friend Zone Guy still texts me questions or advice about what I learned on my retreat. One thing we shared in common was an interest in personal growth and spirituality. He was reading The Joy of Living when I met him and I recently downloaded a copy for myself.  After I conveyed a few of my new insights on achieving goals and greater happiness, I had then somehow graduated from “fun” to “pretty great”– something he never would have said to me while we were dating. Sometimes hindsight really can be 20/20, can’t it? At this point though, I know I have to keep him at a healthy distance in order for me to move on.

Incidentally, the goal that I‘ve been working on the most is getting fit and losing weight. After waking up five days in a row at the retreat for an hour of exercise at 7:00am, I had to admit I wasn’t as big of a slack-ass as I claimed to be. It didn’t hurt that I was waking up to a beautiful, sunny ocean view either. Still, I thought the new, more loving version of me should look about twenty pounds lighter and start taking better care of her health. I dusted off my TurboJam and TurboFire DVDs again and joined a fitness class that meets on Wednesday mornings even though the trainer makes us run a lot and I do not like to run. Matthew’s trainer recommended following Dr. Fuhrman’s Eat to Live plan which suggests you eat a pound of raw vegetables and a pound of cooked vegetables a day. I’m using that as my general guideline for now but it’s difficult to adhere to. I haven’t given up carbs, dairy or meat entirely either. Nevertheless, there’s been no getting around cutting way, WAY, back on some of the foods I love to eat the most.

As for dating my profile on OKCupid has been generally useless as it hasn’t produced a single date since late July. The problem I’ve been having offline is that I attract the same quality of man as I do online. Additionally, I feel at a disadvantage approaching men that appeal to me in person because I have no way of telling if they are even single or open to interracial dating. So, following Matt’s advice, I planned on creating a ritual of frequenting the menswear section a certain designer department store to do a little high-end man shopping. What I sadly discovered is that store is nearly always empty and it’s so chic-chic the salespeople won’t leave you alone. Furthermore, there wasn’t a single man who even worked in store that looked under the age of 60, which is just not my demographic (sorry to the Silver Foxes out there!) Figuring I had overshot the mark, I tried downgrading a bit to the upscale mall in the burbs on the weekend and I discovered the following things:

  • Men shopping with their wives or girlfriends
  • College students shopping with their parents
  • A few bros in flip-flops who looked like they escaped from a frat house
  • Two great necklaces on sale at Macy’s and a dress to wear to my friend’s wedding.

Then it occurred to me that the most men don’t like to shop. If they did, I probably would have met one long ago considering I practically shop for a living. My new plan was to compile an alphabetical list of places in the city I could go at least once week to meet more interesting guys:

  1. Art Gallery or Museum
  2. Beer Garden  or Festival
  3. Coffee Shop
  4. Dancing (Salsa maybe?)
  5. Eagles Game or Electronics Store
  6. Farmer’s Market
  7. Grocery Store
  8. Hardware Store
  9. Information Desk
  10. Jazz Club
  11. Kickboxing Class
  12. Library
  13. Magazine Racks (at the bookstore)
  14. Natural History Museum
  15. Office Supply Store (like Staples)
  16. Party
  17. Quizzo (which most cities call Trivia)
  18. Reading Terminal Market  (a marketplace with shop and eateries)
  19. Speed Dating (yikes!) or Sports Bar
  20. Train Station/Traveling
  21. Underdog (a hot dog joint near lots of office buildings)
  22. Vitamin Shop
  23. Walking (which I now do every Saturday)
  24. Xochitl (a tequila bar )
  25. Yard Sale
  26. Zumba Class (at a gym)

I’m open to more suggestions if you have some, but you should know that I’m not the outdoorsy type so C for Camping probably ain’t gonna happen. I do some of these on a daily or weekly basis anyway. Actually, I am out quite a lot; the real catch is finding someone appealing when I get there and then physically going up them to talk.

What do you think of my checklist? Any suggestions for more places to go or things to say to break the ice when I get there?

**If you can’t get to Matthew Hussey’s retreats, not to worry–he has an amazing online video series coaching women on how to get the men they REALLY want. Check it out here.

The post Leona’s Love Quest:  The ABC’s of Finding Love  appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

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