Beyond Black & White » Relationships http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Fri, 22 May 2015 14:51:31 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.2.2 You Tube Commenter Gives Insight to Fear of Black Women Interracially Dating http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/you-tube-commenter-gives-insight-to-fear-of-black-women-interracially-dating/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/you-tube-commenter-gives-insight-to-fear-of-black-women-interracially-dating/#comments Fri, 22 May 2015 06:20:58 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=37306 It’s so wonderful when people tell on themselves, isn’t it? Black men who hate me constantly troll my You Tube channel and come up with the same 5-10 tired lines that they all sound like the same person. And since they sound like one person, I will call all of them, “Leroy.” This my artistic […]

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It’s so wonderful when people tell on themselves, isn’t it? Black men who hate me constantly troll my You Tube channel and come up with the same 5-10 tired lines that they all sound like the same person. And since they sound like one person, I will call all of them, “Leroy.”

This my artistic interpretation of Leroy. I’m considering submitting it to film festivals all over the country. What do you think?

 

Check out what this “Leroy” said about the differences between black men coupled with non-black women and black women who couple with non-black men. I want you to really read it carefully. There will be a quiz.

non black men men TYPICALLY….dont find black women attractive due to darker skin and afro/relaxed/weaved hair AS for non black women on the other hand are TYPCIALLY attracted to a masculine look…and we all know..it doenst get anymore masculine than a black man….jus sayin

(but lets forget about that fact)

i mean if you want to date other races…THATS FINE…its cool…but take this into consideration

it doesnt benefit black women to date another race as the MAN is the leader of the household…so your culture will be w/e the man is…..and your kids will be non-black oriented.

you see when black men date out success driven or not …..that woman who is with us will assimilate with the black culture….and our future kids will be black oriented….

youre only losing your blackness and submitting to another culture being with non black men ESPECIALLY when a non black man is success driven and if thats the case….YOU CANT EVEN COMPLAIN ABOUT THE STRUGGLES OF BEING BLACK..due to a non-black household…

he wont give a fuck about treyvon martin, cops killing blacks, freddie grey..none of that shit….and why should he??..theyre black men and hes for example, white

BUT that non black woman is DESIGNED to comfort her black man when hes pulled over by the cops for no reason…..as the household is a BLACK household

and what hurts you doenst hurt us….you cant hurt us back by “dating outside too” — if you wanna hurt black men…continue to choose thugs over us decent black men……that’s 95% OF THE REASON WE DATE OUTSIDE OUR RACE….it hurts me to see a fine ass black girl with some sorry ass thug for example…..

jus sayin….

Let’s analyze what this man is saying, and see it for what it is…fear.

“non black men men TYPICALLY….dont find black women attractive due to darker skin and afro/relaxed/weaved hair AS for non black women on the other hand are TYPCIALLY attracted to a masculine look…and we all know..it doenst get anymore masculine than a black man….” —> All youdark bitches are ugly and look like men. That looks works for us, but not for you!! White men really ain’t checking for the dark sisters…

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Yeah, dude. All these white men look like they are utterly repulsed, don’t they??

“You’re kids will be non-black oriented” —> Your kids will have mainstream interests, or God-forbid, like punk music or something. This is wholly unacceptable! Your biracial girls will worship their non-black fathers, and not black men!! Less tail for my sons!!!

“he wont give a fuck about treyvon martin, cops killing blacks, freddie grey..none of that shit.” –> Take a good look at the folks he mentions. They’re all male, all black. Which means this writer is concerned that the progeny of black women and non-black men will produce less soldiers on the ground to fight for…you guessed it, black men.

“and what hurts you doenst hurt us….you cant hurt us back by “dating outside too” — if you wanna hurt black men…continue to choose thugs over us decent black men……that’s 95% OF THE REASON WE DATE OUTSIDE OUR RACE….” —-> That’s always the default, isn’t it? All these college educated, business-owning, house-owning, career climbing black women just CAN NOT resist Pookey and Rae Rae. It’s all our fault black men are sleeping with white women. All our fault.

“BUT that non black woman is DESIGNED to comfort her black man when hes pulled over by the cops for no reason…..as the household is a BLACK household” —> BWAHAHAHAH…OMG…WAIT…WAIT…AHAHAHAHHAHA…so where are all these WHITE WOMEN “designed to comfort” black men on the street protesting #blacklivesmatter?! WHERE DAE AT, BRUH?! OMG…I just…you can’t make this stuff up.

And there you have it, ladies. A full and complete explanation why they can and you can’t.

What utter narcissistic nonsense.

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Miss USA Gets the Princess Treatment Marrying Her Rainbeau! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/miss-usa-gets-the-princess-treatment-marrying-her-rainbeau/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/miss-usa-gets-the-princess-treatment-marrying-her-rainbeau/#comments Thu, 21 May 2015 05:09:56 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=37274 This is the image little black girls should see…you indeed, CAN be someone’s princess when you grow up! Take a look at the wedding photos of Miss USA, Crystle Stewart with Robin Thicke lookalike. These are truly breathtaking.         And how sexy is this dance? Swoon! Wow. Two truly gorgeous people…lawd…

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This is the image little black girls should see…you indeed, CAN be someone’s princess when you grow up!

Take a look at the wedding photos of Miss USA, Crystle Stewart with Robin Thicke lookalike.

These are truly breathtaking.

 

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And how sexy is this dance? Swoon!

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Wow. Two truly gorgeous people…lawd…

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QOTW: Black Woman Frets About Only Wanting an IBM http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-black-woman-frets-about-only-wanting-an-ibm/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-black-woman-frets-about-only-wanting-an-ibm/#comments Thu, 21 May 2015 04:34:00 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=37270 Got this note today… Hello there, I can’t believe I’m actually doing this… I’ve wanted to write you for a long time!!! So first let me start by saying that I love ur videos and articles and I think ur awesome, here is my dilemma/ issue! I am a black American woman 35 years old […]

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HiRes

Got this note today…

Hello there,
I can’t believe I’m actually doing this… I’ve wanted to write you for a long time!!!
So first let me start by saying that I love ur videos and articles and I think ur awesome, here is my dilemma/ issue! I am a black American woman 35 years old and I will be 36 years old in August. I have no children, have never been married and have only had one serious relationship/ situationship. The first guy that I really cared about in my life had only dated Caucasian girls before me, he broke up with me for a bi- racial girl and then left her for a Caucasian woman. He married the Caucasian woman had a child by her and they divorced. He has since married another Caucasian woman. A friend of mine introduced me to her brother -n- law ( a black man) in a friendly way and he was very cold and mean to me!! Now he is dating a white woman…
I am a good looking woman, in good shape, I workout,dress nice and am a makeup artist so I always keep myself up! I have many interests like language, the arts and travel. I have traveled to Europe, and I am on my way to Africa soon and I am also going back to school to get my medical assistant degree to have another career under my belt! I am very open minded, and family oriented!
I want to fall in love, get married and have a child. My problem is that I can’t give up hope of finding my IBM, I can’t let go of the hope to have a strong, beautiful black family! I’m not racist but it’s just my hearts desire, and always has been! I’m not bitter with these men that have chosen to love outside of the race, they have the right to, because God wanted the races to mix so I have no problem with interracial dating! It’s just that men of color always take me to be stuck up or approach me as a challenge, it’s heartbreaking for me because even though I’m a very modern, independent woman I would still like to have someone to live, love and laugh with at the end of the day! Black women that have found happiness with men outside of the race have advised me to strongly consider opening my options!
Please help Chris!!! Give me some advice, I can’t talk to anyone else about this!!!
Thanks in Advance!!!

 

That said, I can’t help but pass this along too…

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Statuesque: My Intuition Steered Me to the Loves in My Life… http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/statuesque-my-intuition-steered-me-to-the-loves-in-my-life/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/statuesque-my-intuition-steered-me-to-the-loves-in-my-life/#comments Wed, 20 May 2015 17:02:08 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=37260 I’ve had the privilege of being surrounded by women with strong intuitive and even psychic abilities all my life, and it took a long time to tap into my own.  I didn’t get “feelings” about a person seconds before the phone would ring, a letter would arrive in the mail, or the doorbell would ring, […]

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sexy lip lock

I’ve had the privilege of being surrounded by women with strong intuitive and even psychic abilities all my life, and it took a long time to tap into my own.  I didn’t get “feelings” about a person seconds before the phone would ring, a letter would arrive in the mail, or the doorbell would ring, and my mother, grandmother, aunt or cousin would squeal “but I was JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU.”  I couldn’t look at people and know much about past, present or future that wasn’t a wild guess or simply told me…by them.  I never seemed to see ANYTHING coming, or so I thought.  These ladies seemed to possess a magical sense that I lacked, and that was fine with me, because I tended toward introversion and quiet analysis anyway.  These feelings and extrasensory perceptions were beyond me, and I liked it that way.  I didn’t want to be visited by dead family members, know before someone told me that they were pregnant or sick, or have dreams that materialized into reality.

I’ll fast forward a few years, because this piece isn’t about the fact that, despite my youthful denial, I also possess whatever gene or pheromone or condition produces these abilities.  It scared the hell out of me when the switch flipped in my head (out of nowhere, on a long road trip with a friend, who probably never knew my entire body was overtaken by some external presence for the entire duration of a Lenny Kravitz song).  I can’t tell you if you are pregnant, sickness and death take me by surprise, and thankfully the ghosts mostly leave me alone and hang out at my mom’s house, but my intuition seems concentrated in a few areas:  When to take a professional opportunity, when to buy (and sell) real estate, and when HE is coming.  Not HIM (I am agnostic, after all), but someone who will help me to write a chapter (or three) in my romantic journey.  Ever since the age of 23, when I held on to the dashboard of that Toyota Corolla for dear life as my head spun, heart exploded and I could barely breathe while my body rode a wave of emotion that it did not create, but internalized nonetheless.  The next day, I met the man I would date for 5 years and could have married at a party (had I not come to my senses before it was too late, but that’s another story).  This one is about the not-so-gracious heads up I seem to get before I meet a man who will change my life, but who (so far) does NOT seem to fulfill that long-ago vision.

It’s happened three times now, though I have managed to convert the crashing wave into a vague sense of exhilaration once I have made the decision or completed the act that will bring him my way.  Which is good, because it always happens when I am around other people…do you know how CRAZY a person looks when she is having a vision or a “psychic moment”?  Come home with me one Christmas and you might see for yourself!

The second time it happened, I was 32. I’d met a handsome Brazilian student in a week-long class I was teaching at a corporate training center, who invited me to see his city should I ever find myself in the southern hemisphere.  He and a couple of his classmates had developed a little “hot for teacher” thing, and he had confessed as much after class ended on that Friday (because I wasn’t his teacher anymore, he said).  That is also a story for another time, because this one is about intuition, not about how some of us need to get out of our own way when it comes to experiencing how men of the world really see Black women!  Anyway, a couple weeks after this completely innocent encounter (I promise), I found myself showing my best friend the picture slideshow he’d emailed me of the best places to see in Rio.  I told her that it might sound crazy, because people invite people to visit them all the time and everyone understands that it is not to be taken seriously, but I felt compelled to go… alone if need be.  Without missing a beat, she said “do it, you won’t regret it.”  As my fingers went through the motions of booking an online plane ticket, that exhilarating warm, buzz formed in my gut, and I knew that it was going to be a bit more intense than getting my Girl from Ipanema on for 6 days.  You might be thinking this is where the loose ends tie up with Mr. Carioco, but it turned out that he was simply the catalyst that ushered in a very different chemical reaction between me and an English gentleman on holiday, whom I met the very first night when he and his mate sat down next to me and my friend at dinner.  He is the one who snapped the picture of me in my BB&W avatar on our sunset trip up to see Christ the Redeemer, and there that I acknowledged the truth of this quote by one of the greatest poets to put pen to page, Kahlil Gibran:

“And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.”

Still: this is a story about intuition, not a tale about how taking a small leap of faith can lead to the literal restoration of your faith in mankind after losing it for several years.

And now, to the third introduction of The Significant Other at age 35, the needle-iest needle in the haystack there ever was.  On a whim, I’d placed an ad to see if someone SANE wanted to go out to a movie or dancing on a Saturday night, and no matter how clearly I communicated that it was not a euphemism for a hook-up, still ended up engaging the usual bottom-feeding lunatics, rinsed the disgust off in the shower, and made it a Netflix evening.  But I forgot to take my ad down, and on the following Monday afternoon an email reply to my Craigslist ad appeared in my inbox.  I saw his screen name and the little paper clip indicating what I hoped was a picture of his FACE was attached.  Before I even opened the email, my heart whispered over the flashing and buzzing: Statuesque, he matters.  When my eyes met his for the first time, I gasped out loud, causing my co-worker (and now close friend) to look up in curiosity.  I beckoned her over to my screen because I couldn’t express a coherent thought.  She took one look at him and said “oh my God that is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. Is he real?”  Though it felt at the time that I had conjured him out of thin air, he was very real, very sane and very much intrigued by a nameless and faceless Black woman who may have already found her salsa date, but thought he’d give it a shot anyway.

All of you know that I am single and yet unmarried, so this is also not a tale about how these non-menopausal hot flashes enable me to avoid the typical pitfalls of romance, and it certainly hasn’t been a happy-ever-after tale of me and the erstwhile “Mr. Statuesque” (yes, SavageTango, this is the Western guy who broke the mold I had for what men ought to be).  Not even close.  But if this is a story about intuition, about how a cerebral chick learned to follow the feelings, the ending has not yet been written.  Lately I’ve started to get that vague sense that a change is coming, and I know what that means.  What remains a mystery is whether HE will harken back to that long-ago vision of love, or help me to create something I could never picture before meeting him.  I’ll be sure to let you know either way.

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Coaching: Help a Sister Be Catch the Menz With Feminine Wiles… http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/coaching-help-a-sister-be-catch-the-menz-with-feminine-wiles/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/coaching-help-a-sister-be-catch-the-menz-with-feminine-wiles/#comments Tue, 19 May 2015 15:29:17 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=37230 Got this letter from a young girl recently… Dear Christelyn, I love your posts, have read your book and been keeping up with Beyond Black and White’s social media for a while now. I am a black girl in my mid-20s, have never had a boyfriend, never been out on a date or been kissed. I’m currently finishing up my undergrad […]

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Got this letter from a young girl recently…

Dear Christelyn,

I love your posts, have read your book and been keeping up with Beyond Black and White’s social media for a while now.
I am a black girl in my mid-20s, have never had a boyfriend, never been out on a date or been kissed. I’m currently finishing up my undergrad in Exercise Science and I’m on the track of going to physical therapy school. Personality-wise, I’m very introverted and quiet but, I enjoy good conversations in small groups of people I trust. I have a lot of different interests and hobbies such as writing, being physically active (ballroom dancing, Ultimate, martial arts, running, etc.) and reading.
Despite being part of a college ministry at my church and various student organizations on campus, no guy has ever shown romantic interest towards me and all the guys I’ve had feelings for didn’t feel the same way towards me. I’m starting to feel invisible. I don’t want to be attention-seeking, but I want to date, share my life with a special guy and get married someday. I’ve tried a few different online dating sites, but the costs turned me off.
Am I missing something? Is there any advice you can offer me or refer me to any articles??
Sincerely,
Invisible in NE Ohio
She has also agreed to allow us to post her photo…
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Here’s my take: This girl has a lot of great things going on with her–she’s fit, athletic, and going places. Looking at her photo, she’s also an extremely cute girl. Not familiar with Northeast Ohio, though, so you all might need to help me out with that part.
Looks:
You are SUPER cute. You’re not going to need much work at all, but learning how to apply a little make up, and what colors work best with your skin tone will help you look and feel your best and is a wonderful confidence booster. Go to your nearest MAC makeup counter and make an appointment for a one-on-one make up artist so you can learn what to do. No need to go overboard, though. You need a basic look that can be worn lightly during the day and then be built upon in the evening.
As far as your body goes, fit is fabulous. That means you’re going to look amazing in figure complementing and feminine clothes, and since I have a feeling you’re on the modest side, I want to recommend my favorite online dress shop, Shabby Apple. The prices are a little steep for a college student, but I’m willing to help you out if you need it. :-)
Something like this would be fabulous…it’s called “The Sheila Dress.”
shabby_apple_sydney_city_shelia_dress_2_1__25782.1421213828.900.900 shabby_apple_sydney_city_shelia_dress_4__45698.1421180516.900.900
As far as your hair goes…I love it! Go on You Tube to discover how other black women have styled their locks, and what’s more adorable than that dress up yonder with a flower in your hair, pulled up into a bun? FANTASMO…
The suggestions I’m giving you are two-fold–men like pretty, shiny things. They are very visual creatures. The look I suggest would probably get you a lot of positive attention, but you can really only pull it off if you have confidence in yourself.
As far as attracting the opposite sex, I want you to do two things–look up my friend Matthew Hussey’s Get the Guy coaching series here, or at the very least, buy the book. Again, if you’re pressed for cash, I can arrange for you to get a copy.
Okay ladies, it’s your turn…take it away!!

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QOTW: White Guy Contemplating Leaving Marriage for Black Woman… http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-white-guy-contemplating-leaving-marriage-for-black-woman/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-white-guy-contemplating-leaving-marriage-for-black-woman/#comments Fri, 15 May 2015 05:17:35 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=37201 I got this note earlier today… Hi Cristylen, I’m in a predicament and could use your advice. Im a 34 year old white male fairly fit. Im a special education teacher and I’m married with a white woman with a one-year-old son. I love my son and my wife but we shouldn’t have married. I […]

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noviazgo, matrimonio, el apoyo, el compromiso, el asesoramiento, Mort Fertel, dating, marriage, support, commitment, advice,

I got this note earlier today…

Hi Cristylen, I’m in a predicament and could use your advice. Im a 34 year old white male fairly fit. Im a special education teacher and I’m married with a white woman with a one-year-old son. I love my son and my wife but we shouldn’t have married. I have always been attracted to black women and I don’t have a lot of people that can relate to my problem. My first real relationship was with a black girl and ever since I was hooked lol. I still stay in contact with her. My parents are European immigrants and they didn’t approve of our relationship and forced me to end it. I regret it every day. I’m from Southern California but moved to  Northern California. My wife and I were good friends and we were lonely. She is much older than me and she wanted to have a baby really bad and was told by the doctor that she had a 2% of getting pregnant and low and behold we have our son. I love my son. He’s funny and adorable. My wife was born in 1973 and I was born in 1980. We get along for the most part but we have vast different interests and personality. I have never been attracted to her and she always knew that. She had gastric bypass surgery after being obese andaftr losing most of the weight she has excess skin everywhere, refuses to have the surgery to remove it, she’s still overweight and rarely exercises. She has a full time job and earns more than I do. She has a lot on her plate and I do help with our son. While studying for my teaching credential she supported me morally and even financially once but I have paid her back. We have a zero sexlife and we’ve been to council in which didn’t help. My parents really like her and I don’t want to dissapoint. I also don’t want to break up this marriage which might have a negative effect on my sons life. My wife and I argue more now than ever before. We both go to church which is obviously against divorce. We are suffering and don’t know what to do.

I’m truly saddened by this letter. The note is legit. I’ve seen this man’s Facebook page. Here’s my take.

 

EDITED FOR UPDATE:

Some things I have to add to this, because some people disagree with my advice for this man to stay with his wife. That’s okay if you disagree, but you need to understand my perspective and what brought me to this conclusion:

  • Honestly, kids don’t care whether or not their parents can’t keep their hands off of each other. They are very self centered. They want THEIR needs met. A child’s needs are as follows: Food, shelter, love, support, encouragement and two parents that won’t kill each other and love THEM. As long as the parents are civil to one another and can effectively co-parent without creating a climate of constant anxiety and hostility, it can work if both parties are committed. 
  • My basis for advising him to try to work on his marriage was that he says he and his wife were good friends. It takes a level of intimacy to achieve that, and can be the basis of continuing the commitment. I’m sorry…I just don’t have it in me to advise a man to leave his wife and child unless there is: abuse, adultery, or addiction. 

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