Beyond Black & White » Relationships http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Tue, 31 Mar 2015 15:08:54 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.1 QOTW: Hispanic Man Hesitant to Approach Black Women… http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-hispanic-man-hesitant-to-approach-black-women/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-hispanic-man-hesitant-to-approach-black-women/#respond Tue, 31 Mar 2015 15:05:43 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36693 The Question: “Hey Christelyn just wanted some advice on how to approach black women i’m hispanic but i am mixed with white/american indian(cherokee)/and mexican. i do get alot of stares from black women (interested stares) but i am scared to approach them because i know how black people can be( the families not the girl) […]

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The Question:

“Hey Christelyn just wanted some advice on how to approach black women i’m hispanic but i am mixed with white/american indian(cherokee)/and mexican. i do get alot of stares from black women (interested stares) but i am scared to approach them because i know how black people can be( the families not the girl) i live in houston and grew up in a black anf mexican dominated neighborhood so i should know. but i want your advice thanks.”

My take…

But guys, whatever you do, just don’t do this…lolz

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Wait…WHET?! Azealia Banks Dates White Guys? Is She Not Allowed to Complain of Black Men Now? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/wait-whet-azealia-banks-dates-white-guys-is-she-not-allowed-to-complain-of-black-men-now/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/wait-whet-azealia-banks-dates-white-guys-is-she-not-allowed-to-complain-of-black-men-now/#comments Mon, 30 Mar 2015 14:45:05 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36673 Now…I didn’t see this coming. Looks like Azealia Banks dates white men, and prefers to do so over black men.   I would have never guessed. Humans are complicated, are they not? What I found interesting is the response Clutch had about this: It’s always interesting to hear why someone chooses to not date their […]

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Now…I didn’t see this coming.

Looks like Azealia Banks dates white men, and prefers to do so over black men.

TFdS4zC-1

 

I would have never guessed. Humans are complicated, are they not?

What I found interesting is the response Clutch had about this:

It’s always interesting to hear why someone chooses to not date their own race. By interesting, I mean sad. Date, mate with whomever you want, but keep your asinine reasons and self-hate to yourself.

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It’s kind of hilarious that this media outlet was, by their own admission, rooting for Azealia until she admitted she didn’t have a preference for black men.

Personally, I think Azealia is way too mercurial and has some growing up to do. But here’s where she has my support–she has every right to speak out about injustice and racial issues. Just because she dates non-black men doesn’t mean she’s not black anymore.

Thoughts?

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QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-featuring-maxi-me-discussing-high-school-love-and-racial-preferences/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-featuring-maxi-me-discussing-high-school-love-and-racial-preferences/#comments Fri, 27 Mar 2015 04:18:52 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36636 Brought in heavy reinforcements on this! Here’s the question: “I’m 16 years old and I’ve never even had a boyfriend before, sometimes I am content, but most of the time I am very lonely, the thing is, is that I have always been attracted to boys of other races, I have never been attracted to […]

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Brought in heavy reinforcements on this! Here’s the question:

“I’m 16 years old and I’ve never even had a boyfriend before, sometimes I am content, but most of the time I am very lonely, the thing is, is that I have always been attracted to boys of other races, I have never been attracted to black boys before. I feel like there is something wrong with me. I also feel like I am not good enough for boys of other races, as if they look at me and say “ew, look at that black girl.” and I am the excact opposite of the “ghetto” stereotype. Recently I admitted my feelings to my crush (who is chinese) and I asked if we could hang out to which he declined (because he is “too lazy”) and I can’t help but wonder if it is because I am black, I mean, We have each others numbers and we are friends on facebook. I just kind of feel confused…Will I ever find someone who likes me for me?? “

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Listening to Maxi’s response was especially illuminating to me. I knew that she leaned toward a certain racial preference, but I never really pressed it. In fact, there was a certain friend of hers, who is black and a basketball player who passed parental screening and I was trying to push it hard, but Maxi wasn’t having it. He’s her “Call of Duty” video game buddy, and not much else. What I respected was her candid observation of the racism she encounters…which is hard for a parent to hear…but you know that you are powerless to inoculate. All in all, I’m proud of their take on this.

High school is a strange place, is it not?

Mods…please put the comments on pre approved status, please. This will be a no-troll zone. This is the first time Maxi has agreed to be filmed…EVER. She did so to provide comfort and understanding to the letter writer.

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Carrie: “The Fling That Turned Into A Thing?” http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/carrie-the-fling-that-turned-into-a-thing/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/carrie-the-fling-that-turned-into-a-thing/#comments Tue, 24 Mar 2015 10:11:38 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36603 “The Fling That Turned Into A Thing?” By Carrie Thompson For perspective on this story, make sure you first read this. He is deserving of my vagina, but I’m still not giving it to him. For starters he does not reside full-time in America, a jet-setting golfer strongly opposed to have his personal business on the internet. […]

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“The Fling That Turned Into A Thing?”
By
Carrie Thompson
For perspective on this story, make sure you first read this.
He is deserving of my vagina, but I’m still not giving it to him.
For starters he does not reside full-time in America, a jet-setting golfer strongly opposed to have his personal business on the internet. He is 14 years my senior. Let’s be serious, if he is mister right, in ten years he’s going to be REALLY old, and I’m going to just be getting there. May be a shallow observation, but honest, it matters to me. All reasons dredged up from my proverbial bag of apprehension, but thoughts of him creep up and a smile blossoms across my thick mauve lips.
Scheduled to fly back to the Anatolian Peninsula to check on an investment, he has already expressed a great deal of interest and hopes to rekindle our romance upon repatriating.
The band Muse’s song “Bliss” in which Matt Bellamy writes, “…everything about you paints my envy, your soul can’t hate anything… give me the peace and joy in your mind.” Completely at peace with the past, comfortable in the present, and a perpetual optimist about coming days. Second to my writing, he is the measure of peace within my life, though we are not consumed with one another. He makes the effort to see me everyday, although I do not allow him to. I need space to cleanse my chi and value my time alone.
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When most women feel themselves beginning to fall, they hold themselves back and begin to search for reasons why a guy isn’t a good candidate. I don’t feel the need to excavate his past, and it would be of little use since he is not from California. Furthermore, he has already gone to bat for me and knows when to be sensitive or assertive.
I’m nowhere near in love with this guy, but what do you call that quiet assurance that fills your empty bed with the warmth of his presence? What do you call that eagerness to make memories, without the baby making practice? Courtship. I am being carefully, closely, and classically courted and I covet every drop of his charm.
My heart says it’s the beginning of the spring in sunny SoCal. I’m a fit and curvy Godiva girl on the prowl for all white boys. All of them. The thrill of the hunt is better than sex. But I am looking to hook and reel a realman. Unlike some, I do not believe there will be a surplus of good men waiting to spend every second with me for the right reasons. Bang me sideways? Totally. But cherish me with time and adore my quirks. I do not want to break it off with a the man, but I want to kiss other guys and not feel like I’m dating him exclusively when he’s off on a PGA tour.  We cannot even begin to talk about the future until it’s over.
Tonight we’re going to my favorite artisanal restaurant, Manhattan Beach Post. I guarantee I will be teased about being a crack fiend for avocados, doing yoga, and being a California girl. I’ll lie on his chest underneath the stars and listen to the waves crash softly against the sand and all my fears and cognizance will fizzle out and drift back into the recesses of my oceanic abyss of a mind. His breathy cadence removes me from the atmosphere. But back down here on earth I’ll keep my head out of the stratosphere and keep my options open. Or won’t I? Should I?
Thoughts?

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Why Are “Struggle Discussions” Always More Important Than Anything Else? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/why-are-struggle-discussions-always-more-important-than-anything-else/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/why-are-struggle-discussions-always-more-important-than-anything-else/#comments Tue, 24 Mar 2015 04:41:08 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36598 We’ve all heard it before. Black women swearing they won’t date interracially because they’ve bought into the notion that only a black man can understand “the struggle.” Okay; let’s say that is so. Does that trump everything else? I mean, once you’ve raged on how unfair the white supremacist system is, what else have you […]

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We’ve all heard it before. Black women swearing they won’t date interracially because they’ve bought into the notion that only a black man can understand “the struggle.”

Okay; let’s say that is so. Does that trump everything else? I mean, once you’ve raged on how unfair the white supremacist system is, what else have you got?

This question was inspired by a post on XO Jane called, “IT HAPPENED TO ME: I Am a “Conscious” Black Woman Who Fell for a White Man.” Really?! Was falling for a white man like falling off the wagon? Was it that bad, boo?

Once you read the piece, you’ll see how this woman is engaging is self-imposed segregation, and for what??!

Here’s what I’m wondering:


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Has Feminism Killed Our Marriage Prospects? Controversial Author Says It Has. http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/has-feminism-killed-our-marriage-prospects-new-study-suggests-it-has/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/has-feminism-killed-our-marriage-prospects-new-study-suggests-it-has/#comments Mon, 23 Mar 2015 18:43:36 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36584 Since I’ve started blogging, I’ve heard lots of rumblings from young women that guys today are just…different. Dates have become “hangouts at the apartment with a hope of a hook up,” less men willing to wine and dine, and more men avoiding marriage. And at least one author, Janice Shaw Crouse, author of Marriage Matters, […]

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Since I’ve started blogging, I’ve heard lots of rumblings from young women that guys today are just…different. Dates have become “hangouts at the apartment with a hope of a hook up,” less men willing to wine and dine, and more men avoiding marriage. And at least one author, Janice Shaw Crouse, author of Marriage Matters, is pointing the direct cause to the unintended consequences of modern feminism. She states that men between the ages of 20 and 34 are unmarried, which isn’t great news, considering this is the exact age that women are at the peak of their fertility.

“Far too many young men have failed to make a normal progression into adult roles of responsibility and self-sufficiency, roles generally associated with marriage and fatherhood,” Crouse, the  former executive director of the Beverly LaHaye Institute, wrote in a recent Washington Times oped.

The high percentage of bachelors means bleak prospects for millions of young women who dream about a wedding day that may never come. “It’s very, very depressing,” Crouse told CNSNews.com. “They’re not understanding how important it is for the culture, for society, for the strength of the nation to have strong families.” [SOURCE]

My husband, who is 42, agrees. “You can pretty much get everything out of marriage without actually being married. Women have removed all the value of marriage. For the guys, what’s the incentive? Marriage is more advantageous to women. Women are no longer holding it as a value and it reflects what guys are allowed to get away with. They don’t demand marriage before kids, and living together instead of building a life after marriage. For my daughters, I’m going to make sure they know the value of marriage. They won’t be living with people all over the place and having babies with men they’re not married to.” By the way, we got married when I was 28 and he was 29.

It’s always hard to have these discussions, because inevitably they’ll be legions of feminists coming in to deny that there’s any link AT ALL between the gender shift and the more radical subsets of feminist philosophy. But…it’s hard to deny what you can see with your own eyes, isn’t it? However, I’m not prepared to link modern feminism to low marriage in the black community and the 72% out-of-wedlock rate. State-sanctioned displacement from fathers away from mothers and children more than likely originated with Lyndon Johnson’s “War on Poverty.” It’s been 50 years since the state-sanctioned displacement, and there’s a direct link between the rise of unmarried black mothers and that ill-fated program.

However, there seems to be more credence to the link between the notion that “women need men like fish need bicycles” and the lag in marriage with white men and women. But I’m not ready to point the entire blame on feminism…and while Crouse denies a direct link between the Great Recession and low marriage rates, there’s no real link to the results of feminism and the rise of white-male-weeniehood. More than likely, what we’re witnessing is a perfect storm of a variety of causes that is bringing us to this point.

However, based on the summary, Marriage Matters might be worth the read…

 

In Marriage Matters, Janice Shaw Crouse argues that marriage is a critical element in a free society and that society’s most vulnerable communities, especially minorities and the poor, suffer the most from the nation’s retreat from marriage. Crouse writes that marriage advances the public interest and we should create laws and policies that support rather than undermine it. She demonstrates both the public and private importance of marriage, and organizes her argument in a thoughtful and logical manner.

Compared to other household arrangements, Crouse observes, marriage is by far the best for raising children and offers financial advantages as well. Writing about bullying, Crouse shows how the trend away from marriage has lead to poor child-rearing and to some of the nation’s worst contemporary problems. In household arrangements with an absence of traditional fathers, the government has in some ways overtaken this role by creating social programs such as food stamps, Social Security, and Medicare. Social programs are but a small part of an effective solution.

The groundwork for strong marriages and lasting relationships is examined in detail. Crouse then discusses the role of sex in marriages and the harmful influence of casual sex. The second half of the work shows how marriage matters to individuals (specifically to women and children) and depicts same-sex marriage as a threat to the institution. Other public policy issues affecting marriage are also explored.

So what’s your take? I especially want to hear from the younger, single segment of our community.

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