Relationships – Beyond Black & White http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Thu, 22 Feb 2018 14:50:13 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.4 23522080 Prince Harry & Meghan Markle Get Anthrax Scare http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/prince-harry-meghan-markle-get-anthrax-scare/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/prince-harry-meghan-markle-get-anthrax-scare/#respond Thu, 22 Feb 2018 14:50:13 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43909 And…so it continues. The London Evening Standard is reporting that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were sent a suspicious letter containing white powder. Additional reporting… There are no plans to change any of the details of the wedding, which is being paid for by the royal family. The anthrax scare is the first security alert […]

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And…so it continues. The London Evening Standard is reporting that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were sent a suspicious letter containing white powder.

Additional reporting…

There are no plans to change any of the details of the wedding, which is being paid for by the royal family.

The anthrax scare is the first security alert surrounding Harry’s fiancée, who will become an official member of the royal family after the wedding but already has 24-hour protection.

She has been assigned a team from the Met’s royalty and specialist protection command

Wow. Just…wow.

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

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Black Women Getting With Losers So They Feel More Secure? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/black-women-getting-losers-feel-secure/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/black-women-getting-losers-feel-secure/#respond Thu, 22 Feb 2018 14:36:26 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43905 I briefly broke my committment to the 30-Day Mental Detox as part of the group exercise we’re doing in the best-selling Pink Pill course to watch the apology of a reality show, Love After Lockup, a show that follows couples who met while one was in prison. The show doesn’t just focus on black community […]

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I briefly broke my committment to the 30-Day Mental Detox as part of the group exercise we’re doing in the best-selling Pink Pill course to watch the apology of a reality show, Love After Lockup, a show that follows couples who met while one was in prison. The show doesn’t just focus on black community dysfunction, in which this practice is commonplace, so…there’s that. But because I am a black woman and can best identify with other black women, I’m going to laser my focus on Andrea, a single mother of three about to push her kids on a man they have never met, and force them to call him “papa.”

Here’s the info:

ANDREA & LAMAR, Lehi, UT

Coming from very different backgrounds; Andrea is a Mormon and single mother of 3 kids, while Lamar is a former up-and-coming rapper who is finishing up an 18 year stint in the big house. Andrea has not shared Lamar’s past with her Mormon community for fear of being scrutinized. Will she be able to introduce Lamar into her strict religious community, while Lamar attempts to pick up his rap career where he left off 18 years ago?

Andrea is an easy mark for Lamar. She’s overweight and desperate for a father figure for her son and two daughters. She’s Morman, and ultra religious. She’s begging God to “give her a sign” that Lamar is her soulmate, and she’s working hard to make the square fit into the circle.

As a Morman, she has a specific set of rules she needs to follow to stay in good standing. That means that Lamar cannot smoke, drink alcohol or even coffee, or do drugs of any kind. Mormans also believe in no sex before marriage, which probably means she will rush the courtship outside of prison to hasten the wedding despite clear reservations from her children, who are not warming to Lamar that way she wants them to.

“I’m a Mormon girl that’s bringing a criminal around my kids…because of love,” she says. “This is the craziest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

Watching Episode 2, there’s more red flags than a Nascar race. Still she presses on, because Andrea NEEDS this to work. And so she will buy him a car, move her children from Utah to California and force them to call him dad, and expose her teenage daughter to potential sexual abuse by a man who might like the thinner, younger version of the woman who is putting him up. The rates of sexual abuse in these situaitons are unbelievably high in the black community, and often covered up or denied by the women who wish to protect these animals.

But we have to address the psychological issues related to why women like this pick men like Lamar. I have a dear friend who married a felon who served six years for armed robbery. They are still married, but there have been many years of unhappiness. Cheating, STI’s, clash of class and culture, and spotty employment on his part. My friend has been so stressed by this that she gained a ton of weight, has been under constant stress, begging God for relief.

When I asked her why she picked the man that she did, despite better men of all races who wanted to court her, she basically told me that she felt like she needed to pick a man who would feel “lucky” to be with her so he wouldn’t leave.

This race to the bottom to chase relationships with men beneath them constantly has black women losing. This is coming from generations of conditioning from the black community to work to redeem the black man, at any cost.

I for one, think that cost is outside of our price range.

What say all of you?

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

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Politics Can Be Deceiving: My Encounter with Trump-Supporting Mexicans http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/politics-can-deceiving-encounter-trump-supporting-mexicans/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/politics-can-deceiving-encounter-trump-supporting-mexicans/#respond Wed, 07 Feb 2018 06:27:30 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43850 Yesterday while I was filming a promo at a winery for my best-selling Pink Pill series, I decided to reward myself for my hard work with a drink at the upscale bar at the hotel. Towing my camera bag and tripod in hand, I headed for the watering hole. I was dressed up for the […]

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Yesterday while I was filming a promo at a winery for my best-selling Pink Pill series, I decided to reward myself for my hard work with a drink at the upscale bar at the hotel. Towing my camera bag and tripod in hand, I headed for the watering hole. I was dressed up for the promo and got the attention of four men laughing and joking. They all turned to me and insisted I sit next to them and allow them to buy my drink.

That’s when something really surprising happened. I discovered that all these men were bothers, and they were there with their father. They were speaking a mix of Spanish and English, and because I understand a bit I responded. I find that non-European Spanish speaking people are amazingly gracious and forgiving of you butchering their language. As long as you try, you’re OK in their book.

I found out that the men were Mexican, and the father is an immigrant, born in Yucatan. All the men served in the military and despite their relatively youthful look, retired. They asked me what the gear was for and what I do. When I told them, they were audibly thrilled. One of them moved his chair closer to me and started flirting heavily. All of them were disappointed to find out I was married, but we became fast friends. We jumped from one conversation topic to another. That’s when I discovered that all these men, Mexican descendants of an immigrant, were Trump-supporting Republicans.

I looked at the dad for a long time. I think my mouth was hanging open. With all the news about building a wall, deporting illegals, and racist alt right craziness, I was looking at four men who cheered all of it.

Before I could ask, the elder exclaimed, “I support Trump! Do you want to know why? Because I AM an immigrant and I came here the right way, and everyone else should too!”

Then one son chimed in. “We also support him because he supports the military and we are all retired military. We also run our own businesses and the economy is booming.” One is a risk consultant and lives on 20 acres and runs a small farm, the other is a defense attorney, and the last is a probation office with his own jewelry business.

Yes…about that. Despite the recent dips, I can not deny that the economy and Hispanic and African American unemployment rates have come down precipitously. The business community is responding to the administration’s tax cuts and relaxing of some government rules. As much as I find our president utterly pathological and distasteful, I have to at least admit that.

You know what’s funny? They don’t particularly like Trump’s personality either, but the policies he promotes are more in line with their values than that of the liberal Democrats.

I realized in the moment these Mexican men told me they were Republicans, a fleeting judgment that they were betraying their people flashed in my mind. Then I mentally kicked my own behind. This is the same kind of thinking others have about black people, and why Democrats continue to take the Hispanic and Black vote for granted. They don’t really see us. Not really. We are merely blobs of voting blocs to keep them elected.

While I know for sure I will never like the current president, I am reminded of why I am a registered Independent. And…’your girl who swirls’ was reminded never to judge a book by it’s cover.

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

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6 Reason White Men and Black Women Marriages Last the Longest http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/6-reason-white-men-black-women-marriages-last-longest/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/6-reason-white-men-black-women-marriages-last-longest/#comments Mon, 05 Feb 2018 06:04:47 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43846 We’ve discussed this before, but just in case he hadn’t heard, the longest lasting combo of interracial couples is black women and white men.  But what do you suppose are the reason why? Here’s my take. What’s your take? Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want […]

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We’ve discussed this before, but just in case he hadn’t heard, the longest lasting combo of interracial couples is black women and white men. 

But what do you suppose are the reason why?

Here’s my take.

What’s your take?

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

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Matthew Knowles Blames His Mother for His Colorism. Who’s Surprised? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/matthew-knowles-blames-mother-colorism-whos-surprised/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/matthew-knowles-blames-mother-colorism-whos-surprised/#comments Fri, 02 Feb 2018 13:47:44 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43834 In an article that initially appeared in Ebony but then mysteriously disappeared that Madame Noire reported Matthew Knowles, patriarch of Beyonce and Solange, started dating his now ex-wife Tina because he thought she was white. He admits to having a lot of rage about being black during the Civil Rights era and sought to date light […]

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In an article that initially appeared in Ebony but then mysteriously disappeared that Madame Noire reported Matthew Knowles, patriarch of Beyonce and Solange, started dating his now ex-wife Tina because he thought she was white. He admits to having a lot of rage about being black during the Civil Rights era and sought to date light and white women as a way to get back at “the man” by defiling his woman. Matthew’s perception of Tina’s race ignited his “erotic rage.”  “I had been conditioned from childhood. Within eroticized rage, there was actual rage in me as a Black man, and I saw the White female as a way, subconsciously, of getting even or getting back. There are a lot of Black men of my era that are not aware of this thing,” Matthew says, and goes into more detail in his upcoming book, Racism: Through the Eyes of a Child.

Of course, it’s always the mean, black mammy’s fault for colorism. “When I was growing up, my mother used to say, “Don’t ever bring no nappy-head Black girl to my house.” In the deep South in the ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s, the shade of your Blackness was considered important. So I, unfortunately, grew up hearing that message.”

That last quote implies that most black mothers of that time in American culture were leading the abusive and soul-killing practice of colorism. That’s true in the sense that they acted as the enforcers of colorism, and behaved this way with the expressed approval of the men, who ultimate made the choices about who gets chosen as romantic partners. In other words, if black men where lusting over dark skinned, kinky-haird black women of the time, Matthew’s mother would be telling him not to bring any light-skinned woman home. I deeply resent the notion that black mothers led the charge of colorism, because as usual, we are blamed for ALL the ills of the black community and and excuses and mitigations are made for the men.

But I will say this: I’m glad Mr. Knowles broke with the tradition of complete denial of colorism and admitted what many of us already knew, and that for many black men, breaking with black women to persue and marry white women just when things started to change for the better was just a continuation of the war against whitey by proxy. When you look at the Black Panthers, all the black male celebrities who married white women as soon as they were able, it is clear that there was a major lack of value for the dark skin of the African American woman. They never stood a chance. Black mothers, in their way, operated as the enforcers of colorism to maintain their own survival.

What say you? Are you surprised by Matthew Knowles’ revelation?

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

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Real Talk: How Soon Should You Push the M-Word? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/real-talk-soon-push-m-word/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/real-talk-soon-push-m-word/#comments Wed, 31 Jan 2018 02:37:46 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43827 If you’re a woman looking for a family and marriage, you don’t want to waste time. Nobody wants to be led on. Some of my lady followers discuss a desire to have “the talk” very early on about the “M-word.” But how soon is too soon, or not soon enough? Not every man comes to […]

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If you’re a woman looking for a family and marriage, you don’t want to waste time. Nobody wants to be led on. Some of my lady followers discuss a desire to have “the talk” very early on about the “M-word.” But how soon is too soon, or not soon enough? Not every man comes to the same conclusion simultaneously.

  • There are some men who are marriage-minded and are open about that. But even the marriage-minded ones aren’t necessarily being marriage minded about YOU. That’s just their general status. They’re looking for the right woman to stir into the pot and complete the soup. It up to him (and you) whether you’re the perfect ingredient.

 

  • Other men are open, but won’t necessarily know within a few months of dating. These men tend to be younger, still establishing themselves in life, and getting their sea legs.

 

  • Then there are men who will outright tell you that they are not interested in anything serious, and it tends to be obvious early on.

 

  • There’s a super-small, tiny, minuscule, a peck of a speck of men who actually do know they want to marry someone at first sight. They usually don’t say so, for fear of looking like a lunatic.

 

  • Finally, there are men who SAY they desire marriage but only do so because they know that is what a woman wants to hear. It is used as a manipulation tactic to receive “wife benefits” without the commitment. It is a bait and switch. My daughter’s father did this. Talked a lot about marriage, but as time went on, he put all these imaginary roadblocks and reasons for why “it was my fault” he wasn’t ready. In the end, I’m grateful he didn’t marry me.

So with all these varied combinations, how can you REALLY know if a man is serious? THROUGH HIS ACTIONS. He will display the following characteristics: he is dependable, committed, considerate, loyal, hard-working and protective of you. He is respected by his friends and colleagues, and you have been introduced to them. He speaks of future plans and YOU are included in them.

If you must keep a deadline (and I’m all for that because you shouldn’t waste your beauty and reproductive window on someone who is on a different clock) then DO IT. But not with ultimatums or fanfare. This is the one thing ladies that we can not force. We can lead the horse to the water and hope he drinks, but ultimately it will be his choice. Now how you respond with that knowledge is entirely up to you.

So what are your thoughts on when to discuss the M-word?

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

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