Beyond Black & White http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Thu, 19 Apr 2018 05:08:06 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.5 Girl…You Ain’t Special. http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/girl-you-aint-special/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/girl-you-aint-special/#respond Fri, 13 Apr 2018 03:34:05 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=44131 Over the last couple of weeks, I have faced what has become commonplace at my position–betrayal. It has happened so often that my husband and I joke about it. Betrayal coming my way is not a question of when, but who, and what form it will appear. Because I’ve gotten knocked around a time or […]

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Over the last couple of weeks, I have faced what has become commonplace at my position–betrayal. It has happened so often that my husband and I joke about it. Betrayal coming my way is not a question of when, but who, and what form it will appear.

Because I’ve gotten knocked around a time or two and I’m a pro, I want to share one key bit of knowledge when it comes to protecting yourself from opportunistic people who smile in your face with a dagger hidden behind their back.

You. Aren’t. Special.

Anyone who has dated for any period of time knows that men can be very good at making you feel special for the time in which they are trying to gain something from you–whether it’s sex or money. He will say you’re the best cook, best lay, best looking, most faithful woman he’s ever met, never mind that string of disastrous relationships that follow him–because none of them was his fault. Every other woman before was dumped because they did something unforgivable to him, but now that he’s found you, it’s all come together. After only three weeks of dating, he’s telling you he loves you and wants to move to your place to prepare for marriage.

You’re so enamored and flattered that of all the fallen femmes, YOU are the one he chose. YOU are sooooo special that this time…THIS TIME, he’s found the one, and all will be well. Never mind what happened before, because it wasn’t his fault anyway. Three months later he’s telling you he was all wrong about you and you’re just like all the others. He leaves you heartbroken, bankrupt, and with a bad case of herpes.

Just look at Khloe Kardashian, who gave birth to a baby whose father started dating while he was cheated on another woman while she was pregnant with his child. I’m sure she thought she was special too, and it was really the girl’s fault he cheated, and she understands him better and like he said, “It’s meant to be!!!” Too bad that now she’s given this man immortality and a legacy he didn’t deserve, he’s now been caught cheating with yet another bubble-bootied girl while Khloe lumbered into labor.

She thought she was special too. Turns out she wasn’t.

While everyone has experienced or witnessed these train wrecks of delusion with the male/female dynamic, what is less explored is how it manifests itself with the girlfriends in your life. If you have or will ever have something…ANYTHING that the female sociopath has, the same dance of seduction is done, and it’s best to head it off before she leaves you bankrupt and heartbroken. Both male and female versions are ‘relationship locusts,’ who will feed and lay waste to your resources until there is nothing left, only to move on to the next target with no guilt or shame.

More on this in the upcoming days in my EURweb column.

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

 

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New Show Seeks Atlanta Daters Facing Challenges http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/new-show-seeks-atlanta-daters-facing-challenges/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/new-show-seeks-atlanta-daters-facing-challenges/#respond Tue, 10 Apr 2018 23:45:17 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=44124 I received a call today from a casting producer who is working on an interesting show in the Atlanta area. It’s about couples having challenges from loved ones who don’t approve of their dating choices. The disapproval could be based on any number of things, like race, religion, political views, sexuality, weight (fat vs. fit), […]

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I received a call today from a casting producer who is working on an interesting show in the Atlanta area. It’s about couples having challenges from loved ones who don’t approve of their dating choices. The disapproval could be based on any number of things, like race, religion, political views, sexuality, weight (fat vs. fit), even age. This casting resonated with me and thought I would talk about it.

As the co-author of Swirling,  brand ambassador for InterracialDatingCentral.com, and a content creator in this space, I’ve seen first hand the toll the disapproval from people important to you can have on a relationship. 

It’s notable that the producers of this upcoming show chose Atlanta…a state that has one foot in the global economy of the present day, and the other still a bit stuck in the ‘Old South.’  It’s a world-class city that is still deeply conservative when it comes to religion, interracial relationships, and LGBTQ issues.

When I think about possible participants for this show, I can’t help but recall one fan, a black American woman in her twenties who married a white man in his fifties. Or the former white supremacist who found his way to a black woman and started a family. Then all those discussions we had about gun-loving conservative white guys who are just as open to dating and marrying black women as liberal men are? If done intelligently, there’s so much potential here. 

Sometimes when we look at all the positive statistics about public approval for those who color outside the lines that we forget that challenges and difficulties in these types of relationships still do exist. The producers are looking for participants on both sides of the dilemmas—the couples on the receiving end and the loved ones who disapprove. Experts are on hand to help both parties get to common ground and bring families closer.

If you’re in the Atlanta (or Georgia) area and you’re in such a relationship that is inspiring so much conflict and disapproval that you’re at your wit’s end, you might want to jump on this opportunity to have some experts coach you through how to overcome them. All participating couples and families will be compensated.

If this is your story, or you know someone who is going through it, contact the producers directly Starcrossedlovers2018@gmail.com

or APPLY online https://starcrossedlovers.castingcrane.com.

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Video: Why You Keep Striking Out with Black Women http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/video-why-you-keep-striking-out-with-black-women/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/video-why-you-keep-striking-out-with-black-women/#respond Tue, 10 Apr 2018 15:28:13 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=44118 Last week I had a conversation with a young man who has recently directed his romantic interest towards black women he is meeting online. He told me that every single time he arranges for a date the woman flakes. Upon some further investigation, I discovered what might be the issue. Take a look and listen. […]

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Last week I had a conversation with a young man who has recently directed his romantic interest towards black women he is meeting online. He told me that every single time he arranges for a date the woman flakes. Upon some further investigation, I discovered what might be the issue.

Take a look and listen.

For the Guy’s Guide CLICK HERE

For Personal Coaching CLICK HERE

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

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My First YouTube LIVE Since the Change… http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/my-first-youtube-live-since-the-change/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/my-first-youtube-live-since-the-change/#respond Sat, 07 Apr 2018 17:00:06 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=44112 Lots of changes, but all to the good. Be sure to subscribe here. Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog. 

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Lots of changes, but all to the good.

Be sure to subscribe here.

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

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QOTW: “When Does the Age Thing Get Ridiculous?” http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-when-does-the-age-thing-get-ridiculous/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-when-does-the-age-thing-get-ridiculous/#respond Sat, 07 Apr 2018 05:51:34 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=44109 Got a letter from a follow of this blog (not the man pictured here) with a question about age and online dating. Thought this is a good time to get all of you involved with giving him some answers! Dear Christelyn:   I am a white man who has dated interracially on and off all my […]

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Got a letter from a follow of this blog (not the man pictured here) with a question about age and online dating. Thought this is a good time to get all of you involved with giving him some answers!

Dear Christelyn:

 
I am a white man who has dated interracially on and off all my life – my first GF in high school was black!  It wasn’t intentional – I was an awkward skinny teenage boy who had no idea how to talk to girls.  But she approached me!  It was wonderful.  Here I am years later, single again and I found your site about 3 years ago and have been following you ever since.  It has been a terrific experience reading your topics and all the comments.  We are never too old to learn and one of the best ways is open discussion.  So thank you for all you are doing and for the forum you are offering.
 
I’ve been on the general dating sites and the interracial sites and I have a question I’d like to see as a topic so I can read the thoughts expressed during the discussion.  The topic is the “age range” that women choose in their online dating profiles.  Wow, would I like some insight as to what women are thinking there.  All I have to reference is my own thinking.  For example, in my profile, I sometimes left it as the “default” of 18-99.  Do I want an 18 year old?  No!  But I do want to cast a wide net.  More importantly, I ponder what that looks like to women.  I hope that seeing the default tells them that I am open, that age is just a number, that “age range” is not a consideration.  Now, sometimes I will try to set an age range but still cast a wide net such as 10 years before my age and 10 years after my age.  Or, 15 and 15.  I definitely want someone I can communicate with and relate to, so too young wouldn’t work for me.  But I find the whole age range thing off-putting for myself and confusing and wonder what women are thinking.
 
Topic:  As far as what woman use for an age range:
 
  • What do you put as an age range?
  • How did you decide what to put as an age range?
  • Are you inflexible?
    • For example, if an inquiry is outside your date range do you just delete the message?  Or, do you politely respond that they are outside the desired range?
  • How flexible are you?
    • For example, if you are 40 and you put 35-45 are you really going to turn down in inquiry because the man is 46?  Or 34?  If yes, why?  If no, what is your criteria for making exceptions?
  • Do you find inquiries outside your age range offensive?  
    • I have had mixed results messaging women where I am outside their date range. Here are some responses:
      • No response
      • Polite reply that she is not interested because I am one year outside her range
      • Happy responses that like my profile and continue the discussion (at that point I don’t dare ask why she had made me an exception LOL)
      • Happy responses saying her age range was a few years old and is no longer valid
      • Angry rejections
I do not want to bother anyone if I don’t fit her critieria but the age range thing, while mathmatically measurable, seems to be as subjective as any other, non-measurable, critieria.
 
I realize I might be in “over thinking it” territory here but I sure would love to see a discussion on your site on this specific topic.
 
Thanks,
“D”

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How Star Jones Pink Pilled Her Wedding This Time Around http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/how-star-jones-pink-pilled-her-wedding-this-time-around/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/how-star-jones-pink-pilled-her-wedding-this-time-around/#respond Tue, 27 Mar 2018 08:34:52 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=44067 In 2004, the New York Post described Star Jones as a bridezilla who used her upcoming nuptials to Al Reynolds as a marketing and sponsorship opportunity to the highest bidder. I have a vague recollection of her then when she was at the height of her arrogance and self-centeredness on The View, and her co-stars becoming […]

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In 2004, the New York Post described Star Jones as a bridezilla who used her upcoming nuptials to Al Reynolds as a marketing and sponsorship opportunity to the highest bidder. I have a vague recollection of her then when she was at the height of her arrogance and self-centeredness on The View, and her co-stars becoming annoyed and exasperated by her endless prattling and sales pitches to venders. According to the Post, Jones tried to get sponsors for a “spa tent” for her bridal party because it was an “outstanding product placement opportunity,”Oscar-style swag bags, and free flights from Continental Airlines. One celebrity wedding planner who wished to stay anonymous said, “I’ve never heard anything as declassé as a celebrity seeking this kind of sponsorship. It’s unbelievably cheap.”

“But seriously, this kind of thing cheapens what we do and it is disrespectful to the people who are providing a service,” said Marcy Blum, a wedding planner and author of Weddings for Dummies. Seems like Jones wanted the glamorous wedding and the husband was just a nice accessory. Had she spent more time obsessing over the marriage and less on a snagging a fancy wedding for free, she might have noticed her husband was using her as his beard.

Here is a prime example of a successful and accomplished black woman who is a lawyer, author and former television personality who mingled around the top escelons of society but was too tone deaf to realize that her classlessness eventually alienated her to the point where she was left without any allies when she was ousted from The View.  Her arrogance, entitlment, and refusal to adhere to the etiquette rules and protocols for short term gain produced long-term failure, heartache, and embarrassment. Star Jones had once been a fan favorite, but her lack of decorum and humility completely empied the bank of good will she had aquired.

The Post article closes with this biting zinger: “Just a thought. Rather than the $10,500 silver tray Star requests on her Tiffany gift registry, maybe one of her best friends should buy her a copy of “Ms. Manners’ Etiquette” instead.”

Fastforward 14 years, and it looks like Star Jones has gotten a clue and a second chance at happiness. She just married Ricardo Lugo while on a cruise in the Bahamas. Judgeing from her Instagram, there seems to be no “brought to you by the Acme Company” on anything.

Star Jones and Ricardo Lugo Wedding on Royal Caribbean Anthem of the Seas.
http://www.maringvisuals.com/starandricardo02abcd
https://app.asana.com/0/32923395333443/607800591546754/f
Photography by Maring Visuals.

They look very happy and in love. She seems to be giving off a much more relaxed energy. And this time around it appears her discretion, thoughtfulness and humility has once again endeared her in the press, because I haven’t seen one negative article about her trying to hustle sponsors for this wedding. This might be a prime opportunity for her to relaunch her stalling career if she plays her cards right.

Critics of Pink Pill (there are a few; but not many) suggest that any black woman who goes to a good school and gets into a well-paying job will acquire the “soft skills” of navigating through the greater society through osmosis. Like with this example, Star Jones had amazing success in her career, but her lack of etiquette and class minimized all the accomplishments that came before, and it has taken over a decade to climb up from that.

Psst…if you haven’t yet joined the Pink Pill, maybe you should today. We do a complete video case study in our private group. We’re doing this a lot, and trust me…you’re missing out on a lot of vital information. To enroll in the course and be admitted into the private group, click here.

Oh! And if you haven’t already, check out my new column, The Pink Pill, on Eurweb! Here’s the first installment. 

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