Beyond Black & White » Relationships http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Sat, 28 Feb 2015 02:07:55 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.1 BB&W Gives Tips On Making Connections On and Offline! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/bbw-gives-tips-on-making-connections-on-and-offline/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/bbw-gives-tips-on-making-connections-on-and-offline/#comments Fri, 27 Feb 2015 19:43:44 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36303 By Matthew W. If you are new to interracial dating, you’re probably wondering how to meet those of the opposite gender. Let’s talk today about innovative ways to meet people. Christelyn Karazin’s Beyond Black and White community, of course, is an excellent place to start getting ideas on how to meet your interracial partner. And […]

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By Matthew W.

If you are new to interracial dating, you’re probably wondering how to meet those of the opposite gender. Let’s talk today about innovative ways to meet people. Christelyn Karazin’s Beyond Black and White community, of course, is an excellent place to start getting ideas on how to meet your interracial partner. And here, I am talking about active participation in some of her great posts on the Beyond Black and White blog, the Beyond Black and White Facebook page, and the private Beyond Black and White Google Plus group (there have already been a few success stories).

As Christelyn says, you have to “get yourself out there” if you want to meet the person of your dreams (that means some physical time away from your computer, too). There is no better place to do that than in a welcoming environment where you know people are interested. Therefore, I have a couple of other suggestions for the Beyond Black and White community to consider when meeting folks of the opposite gender (one is online and the other is offline). First, make sure you join the Beyond Black and White Forums.  Second, become an active participant in an interracial dating meetup group.

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First, as I previously stated, the Beyond Black and White Forums are a place where you can meet other interesting singles in a private, safe, welcoming environment. You pay a nominal fee – and you can interact with other singles. While the forums are still in their infancy, increased active participation is coming – and well worth your time and money.

Second, as I also previously stated – make sure you become an active participant in an interracial dating meetup group (the kind where you leave cyberspace and physically meet people). These are the types of environments where you know going in that people are interested in dating interracially – there’s no mystery here. I live in Alexandria, VA (e.g. the DMV – DC/MD/VA area) and can provide two really good suggestions:

  • Interracial Dating Friends and Lovers (DC, MD, VA) – Interracial Dating Friends and Lovers – DC, MD, VA (IDF&L DMV) is an interracial dating meetup group that originates out of Baltimore, MD. IDF&L DMV is owned and operated by Marie.  As the meetup group spans a very large area (from Northern Virginia to the northern suburbs of Baltimore, MD), IDF&L DMV events take place in all three states. Events, such as happy hours, house parties, casino visits, brunches, museum day trips, cookouts, bowling, and host of other activities are common in this group. Marie and the rest of the group members are very welcoming of new members.

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Obviously, if you don’t live close to Washington, DC, there are other similar meetup groups in other parts of the country (or the world). Check Meetup.com for similar groups (or set one up of your own). The point, again, with these meetup groups is that you’re generally walking into a captive environment – an environment where you know that people are interested and open to the prospect of interracial dating and relationships. That’s a good thing, right?  No mystery here. ;-)


In closing, I encourage you to participate in the Beyond Black and White Forums – and checkout an interracial dating meetup group.  Get yourself out there – and meet some people – you never know what you will find.

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Matthew Hussey: Five Signs You’re Dating a Toxic Person http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/matthew-hussey-five-signs-youre-dating-toxic-person/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/matthew-hussey-five-signs-youre-dating-toxic-person/#comments Thu, 26 Feb 2015 18:59:56 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36294 Sometimes, we know the person whom we’re dating is wrong for us. That little voice inside tells us something is wrong, and we often second guess it, or outright ignore it. I love the points my friend, Matthew Hussey, has put together. Take a look…   Here’s also my rule: If the man or woman […]

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Sometimes, we know the person whom we’re dating is wrong for us. That little voice inside tells us something is wrong, and we often second guess it, or outright ignore it. I love the points my friend, Matthew Hussey, has put together. Take a look…

 

Here’s also my rule: If the man or woman you’re seeing doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, you need to end it. Relationships aren’t supposed to be a constant struggle and a constant hardship. If your partner makes you feel bad more than he makes you feel good, then it’s time to reassess how healthy your relationship is.

If you haven’t yet peeped Matthew Hussey’s online video relationship tutorials, you’re missing out. Like I always say…I wish I’d had this priceless knowledge when I was single…it would have saved me a lot of heartache! Click here to learn more.

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Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings… http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/dear-black-men-hurt-feelings-dont-know-hurt-feelings/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/dear-black-men-hurt-feelings-dont-know-hurt-feelings/#comments Tue, 24 Feb 2015 16:06:58 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36247 Warning: This is a LENGTHY read, so you may want to go get a snack or something to eat while you read this.  I was in the middle of writing follow-up post number two in response to the record-breaking article written by Chris. That post has been pushed back to address a certain group of […]

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black man shrugging

Warning: This is a LENGTHY read, so you may want to go get a snack or something to eat while you read this. 

I was in the middle of writing follow-up post number two in response to the record-breaking article written by Chris.

That post has been pushed back to address a certain group of determined vocal black men who either do not understand why black women are so upset with their behavior, or who understand and don’t care…but think they can thump on their chest or condescend us with thesaurus abuse. Both avenues meant to achieve the same goals:

– Hijack our discussions

– Abuse and shout us into silence

– Mentally and emotionally manipulate us

– Escape any kind of responsibility or accountability

– Maintain a status quo that benefits them, but continues to hurt black women.

 

Obviously none of this is okay and I am not going to stand for it in my own right. I know a number of the women here who run and participate in the discussions have no intention of standing for it, either.

 

And so I want to make a few things clear to the “startled” black men who happen upon this community and to the pressed, thirsty, desperate male trolls who are so hell bent on sabotaging us that they continue to think of ways to gain entrance into this space to poison the well.

I want to make where this anger, lack of tolerance, and blunt honesty is coming from. I want you to read every word, digest every sentence, and then go sit in the corner and think about your lives and choices.

 

Number 1: We Don’t Care….

That is a very general statement.

I’m sure some of you are wondering what we “don’t” care about exactly.

Well, the list is LONG, but it’s safe to say that these things that many of you are DETERMINED to bring up fall under something that we have emotionally and mentally (and even financially) divorced ourselves from.

We Don’t Care If BM Prefer Non-Black Women Or The Lightest Black Women Available

Since the black women here have NO interest in dating or marrying black men for the most part, what kind of person would draw the conclusion that ANY and EVERY time we talk about the negative impact of black male dysfunction on black womanhood, it’s because what we really want is a black man?

Re-read that sentence. Please understand how and why that makes no sense.

That’s like complaining about a hole in the head and then someone coming up and offering to drill a few more in your skull.

 

Not the point.

When is BM/non-BW ever relevant to our interests? The answer is close to “damn near never”, but there are a couple of scenarios where BM foolishness and thirst causes harm to black women.

When black men are so desperate for whiteness and white approval, they try and convince themselves, the world, and EVEN their black women (most of whom are darker-skinned themselves), that black people are primarily made of dark-skinned men and light-skinned women.

Women like Amber Rose and Kim K. are made “honorary back women” and worshiped for doing things that make black women unforgivable whores and strumpets. NOW MY ARGUMENT ISN’T ABOUT WANTING BLACK WOMEN TO BE THESE THINGS.

But so many black women are caught up in the matrix of the Madonna/Whore complex that they are incapable of developing enough of a self-esteem to choose quality men. They are relegated to the role of sex object and baby mama and “you’re too dark to claim and be seen in the light of day with.”

 

Kim Kardashian is the Hollywood bicycle and you’ve got men like Kanye West and other color-struck black males putting her on a pedestal.

I’m not even going to get into the fact that many black girls are raped and molested by older black men, and rather than black men hold these criminals accountable for impregnating 12, 13, and 14 year old girls (not to mention the much younger black girls who are molested by male family members and their mothers boyfriends…), these children are now considered damaged goods that ANY black man can get at.

All these girl children hear is that they are FAST and that they are only good for sex. They feel that sex is the only way they can be loved. And you have an entire culture built up on the “pimps up, hoes down” logic.

Now, with this as the backdrop our lower economic and struggling black women, many of whom have multiple children and no father figure or father for their kids in sight….you have black men going out of their way to excuse, defend, and admire lighter women, especially WHITE women for acting out the same behavior that gets black women verbally abused and put down. The same behavior where black men tell each other it’s okay to use and disregard a woman and have nothing to do with their own offspring.

 

When black men worship lighter/white skin and whiteness to such a degree where they gladly degrade, use and abandon their own women and girl children, refuse to protect them, and then shun the idea of being held accountable you best believe NO sensible black woman who loves herself and resents this indignity is tripping over herself to claim or get with these black men.


NOPE. We are not interested. And the BM behavior that goes unchecked in the black community and beyond is not going to change our minds.

 

We Don’t Care If Our Drawing Attention To The Fact That You Are NOT God’s Gift To Womankind Makes You Mad!

 

We already know after running this community for YEARS that many  black men show up here for one of a couple of reasons:

Some are “confused” because they thought there would be white women everywhere. Oops.

Others are directed here by people talking about the AUDACITY of us black women and our “bold” opinions.

 

Underneath the indignity, bragging about having a white wife/gf, and “smooth” concern trolling is something many of you don’t think we see.

FEAR

The “Mandigo” myth of black male animal sexual whatever came from the same white racists that brought the world “black people are inferior, ignorant, subversive criminal types and children of the devil”.

But black men kept the Mandingo myth close to the collar because no man walking the Earth is opposed to being made the feel like a total stud with the ladies!

and that black women would ALWAYS be there to cheer-lead the Mandingo Myth. You’ve got non-BW cheer-leading it, too…but most of the Mandingo myth’s influence hinges on black women.

And so when we wake up one day and a good chunk of black women are happily coupled with non-black men, people who buy wholesale into the myth of black male sexual superiority begin to ask questions.

You can’t go around telling the world that you are God’s gift to women and “all white men have small peens” and then not end up with egg on your face when BLACK WOMEN date/marry white men.

Hispanic/Italian men are “forgivable” to black men because black men can “claim” these men by proxy.

 

But much of the concern trolling of white men and black women comes from the need to claim sexual superiority. This is why black women who are with white men are attacked as gold diggers and “white slave master bed wenches”.

 

These black men want everyone to believe that a black woman wouldn’t choose a white man unless she HAD to. Her credit must be bad and she’s a desperate money loving whore or she’s a self-hating black woman who is soooo emotionally damaged, she wants to live out some “slave fantasy”.

The idea that a black woman could be sexually fulfilled by a white guy is terrifying. MORE terrifying than our emotional and financial fulfillment because honestly, these men do not care about those things. These men are used to being supported and cared for by WOMEN. And so the idea that they would be responsible for the lion share of protecting, providing for, and valuing their black women is foreign.

 

They are afraid black women will make them lose face, and they would rather avoid losing face than losing black women. I honestly believe that’s slightly MORE scary than the loss of financial support.

 

Number 2: We Aren’t Saying This Because We Hate Anyone

I think that what we are seeing from the indignant black men who cannot fathom a black woman airing all of this dirty laundry are men who bought their own hype.

Anyone who exposes or acknowledges the painful intra-racial hatred acted out against black women, ESPECIALLY dark-skinned black women, must be a “hater”.

 

“You hate black men because you’re hurt!”

“You hate black men because you’re jealous of them/white women!”

“You hate yourself, and that’s why you’re with white men!”

 

These are all nowhere near close to why I personally feel perfectly content calling attention to rampant dysfunction, intra-racial misogyny, and black male hypocrisy and lack of reciprocation.

 

We Are Beyond The Point Of Pretending That Helping Black Men Save Face Helps Black Womanhood

Black male-specific dysfunction is being discussed at an increasing rate in large part due to the increase of black woman-centric havens that are well moderated. These women tell their stories, share their opinions, and decry black men’s mistreatment of black women.

They are not shouted down, threatened, or guilt-tripped with the rate of success that was not possible in previous years.

 

I can HONESTLY say that even in DBR and NBAB havens on the internet, an increasing amount of BW are being vocal about how tired they are of black men’s damaged thinking and behavior towards them.

When Madam Noire has a comment section full of black women calling out an alleged “ideal black man”, that’s when you KNOW that the tide has turned.

Not is turning.

HAS TURNED.

That comment section would have looked much different a few short years ago. The reason for this shift in attitudes among black women is because not only are they tired of the BS, they are beginning to realize they don’t have to take it.

 

An increasing number of black women are realizing that no matter what they do or say, black men will never reciprocate and will only continue to hate black womanhood and take it for granted. When black men feel safe denigrating black womanhood before the world, that’s when you know they are lost as a group.

We cannot find them…they have to go find themselves.

It is no longer sane or beneficial for black women to prop up a group of men more concerned about their egos and one-upping white men than taking care of house and home and protecting and loving their women.

Uplifting Black Womanhood Does NOT Mean Putting Down White Womanhood or Black Manhood

 

It’s amazing to me how when black women stand up for themselves, other groups of people become threatened.

We are not hating on black men or white women. Either separately or together. I already let it be known what I feel about white women who try to hijack our conversations. So I will not repeat myself.

 

In the case of black men need to take the “black woman experience” out of their mouths once and for all.

Please stop telling us about how our women ancestors were raped and beaten during slavery.

 

First, not all black women were slaves. Second, it was a BLACK WOMAN that is heavily associated with the freeing of slaves.

We have our own heroines, our own narratives, and our own stories, no matter WHERE our black female ancestors came from. All of which we are MORE than capable of sharing with the world ourselves.

 

And not ONE of you has the right to “educate us” about a history you could never imagine as a black MAN who has never experienced life as a black WOMAN.

 

It is the black WOMAN that kept it under wraps that your black male ancestors were raping black women slaves just as often and actually more so than the “white slave master”. Or are we supposed to be so stupid, we are to believe that the ongoing rape and violence against black women just happened overnight, and hasn’t been acted out against us by warped black men for centuries?

Black men don’t even want to talk about the rape, murder, and abuse that black women experience NOW, so the only way they can find a white male boogieman to scare and guilt black women into silence is to reach back to the 1800s.

 

Of course…these require all black women to be so brain-washed and stupid that we ignore the fact that not all white people owned slaves, or approved of slavery. Many white Americans are descendants of people who came to this country AFTER slavery. Their benefiting white racist infrastructure of America is something that I’m not going to deny…just like I’m not going to pretend that black men feel entitled to treat black women like property because of male privilege.

 

You see? It’s ALL bad and it’s ALL hurting black women.

 

But black women have done (and continue to do) black men a solid favor by prioritizing the “The Man” over the lengthy history of abuse and subjugation we’ve suffered at the hands of black men. Black men were able to successfully paint white men as the greater of “two evils”. The problem is that black women can no longer afford to pretend that one group is hurting them more than the other.

 

And now you have black women telling our stories. And no, those stories do not flatter black men.

 

But that’s NOT our problem.

 

The black woman was not put on this Earth to serve or flatter anyone.

A man, a REAL man, does not chase after women seeking their flattery for the sake of their ego. A real man would be ASHAMED to be associated with this intra-racial horror show.

 

The solution will not be found in trying to “plug the dam” by trolling black women in a desperate attempt to silence us. You may have some black women who come flying to the rescue to “cape”. But even these women cannot un-ring the bell.

Black women today are working to repair our image and uplift our spirits. We are letting go of all the pain, anger, fear, and shame. With that comes unburdening ourselves of all the wrongs that have been done to us as a race and gender.

There is no going back.

 

The only possible remedy for black men is to take a LONG HARD LOOK at everything they’ve done to black women. Everything they continue to do.

And then hold each other accountable. Hold their fathers accountable. Hold their sons, brothers and yes THEMSELVES accountable.

We do not want to hear about how you loooooove your black queens and we need to stick together, hold on, have patience-

 

You are not listening; this isn’t about you or your feelings.

 

Black womanhood is being raised by black women because we cannot rely on black men to do so without sabotaging us out of a bizarre need to compete WITH their women rather than FOR them.

Black womanhood is being raised because we love ourselves, and regardless of which other parties don’t, we know that we deserve far better than what we’ve gotten.

 

We are not raising ourselves in order put anyone else down; only twisted people think they have to stand on other people.

 

Number 3: We Will Not Be “Sweet Talked”

Some black men have enough sense to know that outright disrespect will get them the boot, so they attempt to emotionally-manipulate black women by condescending them in a so-called polite manner.

This sweet talk is meant to keep black women in their place and divert our attention without these men doing ANYTHING to either own their role in the rampant attack on black womanhood or consider doing anything to stop it.

As this is a BW-IRR-centric space, some of these black men key in on this with the backward assumption that we’re all looking for non-BM because what we REALLY want is an “ideal black man”: the well-paid, well-dressed, educated black man with his own home and car.

Notice nothing in that “ideal” says anything about the mental state and emotional intelligence of that particular man. For all the talk of gold-digging, it’s amazing how much black women are expected to put all of their vetting into penis size and materialism.

But I digress.

 

Please Do Not Place  Your “I Want A Good Black Woman” Ads In Our Comments Section

If you want a good black woman, there are a PLETHORA of BM/BW dating sites out there. There are a number of educated and loving black women seeking a black man.

So why the heck would we accept ads for black men seeking black women in a space dedicated to black women who are by and large looking to date/marry non-black men?

WE ALL KNOW THAT BLACK WOMEN WHO DO THIS IN SPACES WHERE BLACK MEN ARE VOCALLY SEEKING NON-BLACK WOMEN WOULD BE IGNORED AT BEST AND RIDICULED AT WORST.

Do not come at us with sob stories about how you “just can’t seem to find your black queen”. Do not insult the women here and then launch into a tirade about the good woman you feel entitled to (while saying NOTHING of what you’ve done to deserve said good woman).

Do not post your “profile” and pictures and try and hit on the women here.

We know that some black men honestly believe that black women become “good” when they are acknowledged by white men. Just like they think being with a white woman raises their status.

You do not need a black woman; you need a psychiatrist who can listen to you and not develop a drinking problem.

 

We are not a black love site and to the black women here seeking these black men, you too are in the WRONG place.

 

Please Do Not Come In Here Dangling A “Marriage Carrot”

To continue from the above, I know some of you are used to dealing with “desperate” black women, who will do/say anything to get a black man to marry them.

So they come in here talking about wanting to “settle down” and be married to the “right black woman”.

We all know that black men DO NOT marry at the same rate as other men. Black women seeking to be married would logically have to look beyond black men to make it happen. Then there’s the population issue in the United States when it comes to BW outnumbering BM.

 

There are numerous factors that justify black women expanding their romantic options, as black men are more inclined to play the field and enjoy the extra women than settle down with any particular woman.

Black women here are not interested in competing for, jumping through hoops for, nor otherwise inclined to keep jumping up to grasp that marriage carrot.

We all know that black men more often use talk of marriage as a tactic in 2015 than to seriously consider settling down with a BLACK (darker, kinky haired) woman.

You tell on yourselves every time you congratulate yourselves and each other for settling down with a light-skinned and increasingly white woman.

 

If you continue to make it known far and wide that you’re looking to wife anyone but a black woman, and that black women have to be flawless virgins before you even consider marriage (which doesn’t bring with it the promise of respect, protection, or being equally yoked), and that dark-skinned black women need not apply….your marriage carrot is a joke.

It is even more of a joke when dangled in front of black women who NEVER wanted it in the first place.

 

Number 4: We Are Black AND Women

 

I’ve pretty much covered everything, but this final section is meant to drive home a point that some will probably miss in the rush to get to the comment section to yell at me.

We are black women. Black AND Women. Both at once. One does not outweigh the other. One does not cancel out the other. And nobody gets to tell us which is more important than the other.

Marrying inter-racially does not make a woman no longer black. I’ve already said that black men DO NOT own blackness and they need to take the “black woman experience” out of their mouths.

We are allowed to tell our stories and not be shouted down by people who are preoccupied with black manhood, or thinking that black manhood is more important than black womanhood. This includes black-male identified black women.

Just because we are about interracial dating does NOT mean we are forbidden from talking about black women’s experiences, the trauma caused by the black community and black men. These are OUR stories. We can tell them and if you don’t want to hear them……

 

YOU ARE FREE TO TURN RIGHT AROUND AND GO OUT THE DOOR YOU CAME!

 

You will not stop these articles from being posted. You will not stop black women from talking about how black men have sold us out and desecrated black womanhood. You will not stop us from talking about the black male predators that have raped, beaten, and murdered black women.

Every ugly thing you don’t want non-black people to know about black men is going to stay coming out because you cannot shut up women who have the mic and ARE NOT going to put it down until it all comes out.

AND THERE IS A LOT STILL TO COME OUT.

 

But that’s okay, because that’s just a part of the healing process.

There is nothing wrong with being angry, being hurt, and acknowledging these things. The end goal is to talk about it, and THEN, move on from it.

 

BLACK WOMEN are coming into our own, and are realizing how amazing we truly are. We are building ourselves up and each other.

We have more important things to do, as we purge ourselves of DECADES worth of poison, to pause or self-edit in order to concern ourselves with the hurt feeling of some black men.

 

YOU DON’T KNOW HURT FEELINGS, BLACK MEN. YOU DON’T KNOW PAIN, FEAR, OR DEATH.

BECAUSE BLACK WOMEN HAVE FELT AND ALL OF THESE THINGS, WHILE CARRYING YOU ON THEIR BACKS, AND THEY STILL WALKED THE LENGTH OF THE PLANET!

 

YOU WANT US TO STOP AND CRY FOR YOU WHEN YOU FEEL PAIN, BUT YOU SWEEP OUR SUFFERING UNDER THE RUG AS TO NOT DISTRACT THE WORLD FROM YOUR VICTIM-HOOD.

YOU WANT US TO “WAIT” FOR YOU TO GET AROUND TO LOVING, VALUING, AND PROTECTING THE WOMEN WITHOUT WHOM…YOU WOULDN’T EVEN BE HERE!

 

We are not interested in competing with black men. We are not interested in stopping black men from dating inter-racially. We are not interesting in being coupled with black men.

 

We don’t want anything except for black men to STOP degrading and deriding black womanhood. STOP with your toxic treatment of black women and girls. STOP declaring your hatred from us and then demanding our resources.

STOP.

STOP.

STOP!

 

We are not here for your hurt feelings and your ego and your hateful treatment of black womanhood.

And we never WILL be!

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Black Doctor Wants You To Know: “There are Good Black Men Out There.” http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/black-doctor-wants-know-good-black-men/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/black-doctor-wants-know-good-black-men/#comments Tue, 24 Feb 2015 04:16:48 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36252 I got this letter from a man this morning, and while I realize that this man is attempting to guilt and shame me into doing this, but I’m going to allow it. Why? Because men like this, who live in a bubble, who think their ideals, drive and values mirror the entire community, need a […]

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I got this letter from a man this morning, and while I realize that this man is attempting to guilt and shame me into doing this, but I’m going to allow it. Why? Because men like this, who live in a bubble, who think their ideals, drive and values mirror the entire community, need a wake up call. They need to REALLY hear it from you all, how things REALLY are. So here is his letter, and below is my response. I have invited him to observe. We shall see how this goes. Let’s all try to be respectful.

——————-

Greetings!

I recently happened to come across your article regarding Kanye West, Kim K, and Amber Rose… While I understand the point of the article, I will say that I find most reports of black men that over-value white women and de-value black women to be one sided and unbalanced. In this regard, very few people take the time to write an article highlighting the successful black men who place high a value on black women and love and respect them.

For example, you mentioned the “unicorn” in your article. Well, I am a graduate of Johns Hopkins School of Medicine with two doctorates (an MD and a PhD) and I am happily married to a beautiful black woman with two beautiful children. Now before you think that this email is self serving, I can tell you about another African American gentleman, who also graduated from Johns Hopkins with an MD and a PhD, who is a neurosurgeon at Johns Hopkins, married to a beautiful African American woman with one son. And I could give you two more highly accomplished gentlemen with dual doctorates who fit the some mold.

But even now, as you read this, I highly doubt that you will amend your article or write a follow up article to highlight these individuals, and that’s a shame. It’s a shame because girls and women of color need to know that there are black men out there, who will value them, and be faithful to them, and love them. It’s an important message, one that I think about often when I see how misogynistic our young black men have become, and how little they value our women.

So, now that I have provided you four examples of the “unicorn”,  all happily married to women of color, what do you , with your platform, plan to do with that information?

Have a wonderful day!

Robert [withheld] M.D.,Ph.D.
Resident physician
Internal Medicine

———————

Charming young african american man smiling

Yes, Robert. We know there are good black men out there. But…not enough.

 

Thanks for your note, Robert.

 
First, I want to congratulate you on your accomplishments, your marriage, and that of your friends. 
 
I’m going to run your letter tonight, along with my response. And then I want to you sit back and really LISTEN to the responses you will get from the black women who tell their stories. But I want you to be prepared for some hard truths.
 
Black men of your caliber are few and far between. I’m glad for your wife that she married and built a life with such a man, but let’s not pretend that you and your friends are typical. I wish you were. I really do. But the fact remains that only 43% of black men marry, and of that percentage, 24% marry interracially. Marriageable women outnumber marriageable black men by the millions. We have legions of children growing up in single parent homes that have never seen ANYONE married. This is just the reality. To point out the few exceptions and tell black women, “SEE! There’s 12 good black men out there! Go get them!!” is doing them a disservice. Black men of your caliber often have Herculean expectations of black women, just even to be considered as more than a one-night stand, let alone a wife. Again, I wish this were not true. But I’m tired of getting the letters from hundreds of quality black women who get passed over EVERY DAY by “IBM’s” who are holding out for something better. They shouldn’t have to waste the best years of their reproductive lives pining for a man that more than likely, will not come.
 
So instead of attempting to guilt me into keeping hope of “black love” alive, encourage your brothers to do right by their women. Because if there’s legions of “good brothers,” then there’s twice as many “good sisters.” 
This is why I say, OPEN YOUR OPTIONS TO MEN OF ALL RACES. Pick the BEST MAN FOR THE JOB.
The End.

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Want To Know What Black Men REALLY Think Of Black Womanhood? Ask Kanye! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/want-know-black-men-really-think-black-womanhood-ask-kanye/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/want-know-black-men-really-think-black-womanhood-ask-kanye/#comments Sun, 22 Feb 2015 06:12:41 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36230 So many people were following the recent post about Amber Rose and the Kardashians that we were gifted some great (and not so great) feedback. Many members were puzzled about why we would even mention Amber Rose’s throw-down with Kardashian-Jenner-West family. Kim Kardashian isn’t black and many consider Amber Rose to be white, right?   […]

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So many people were following the recent post about Amber Rose and the Kardashians that we were gifted some great (and not so great) feedback.

Many members were puzzled about why we would even mention Amber Rose’s throw-down with Kardashian-Jenner-West family.

Kim Kardashian isn’t black and many consider Amber Rose to be white, right?

 

Except that no, Amber Rose and Kim Kardashian are indeed “black”.

 

They are black because they are everything that a LARGE and VOCAL segment of black men value. To the point that Oprah Winfrey herself put Amber Rose on “Light Girls”.

Kim Kardashian is black because you have magazines darkening her skin (like we don’t see what they’re doing) and using her (fake) naked behind to “update” nude shoots previously a dark-skinned black women.

Both Kim K and Amber Nicole are highly coveted by black men for NOT being black women, while having features typically associated with black women.

I’m talking about that bass (no treble).

They also have lighter, whiter skin.

This gives Kim K. and Amber Rose “honorary black woman status”.

 

When Honorary Black Womanhood Goes Wrong…

Yes, Kim K. and Amber Rose both belong to the “honorary black woman” club, but one of these women just learned that her membership doesn’t get her access to the VIP area.

Amber Rose was good enough for a come-up, but once Kanye West got his hooks into the coveted (by color-struck black men) Kardashian clan…well, she was suddenly T-R-A-S-H.

Now make no mistake: Amber Rose wasn’t merely trash because she was stripping at fifteen or otherwise sexually promiscuous.

We know that when Kim K. was 14, she was being passed condoms by her mother, Kris Jenner. Any illusions about her virginal nature would be suitably shattered by this revelation during an interview with Oprah.

Of course, we also have that sex tape (which served as the foundation for her multi-million empire), and a string of failed relationships. Including the one where she dumped a man after 72 days of marriage to get with the guy she was cheating on him with all along.

 

So then, why would Kanye need to take 30 showers after Amber Rose to get with Kim Kardashian?

 

Answer: Because “honorary black women” of color will always be dirty by association to many black men for “being” BLACK women. Whereas white honorary black women are “pure” by virtue of their actual whiteness.

Amber Rose is of part Creole descent, and a good portion of them are considered black.

Kanye Let It Slip: Many Black Men LOATHE Black Womanhood…

I know that we are going to get BM trolls flying in here to tell me I’m wrong or crazy. Let me stop you at the gate by asking this:

What makes Kim Kardashian more clean than Amber Rose?

We all know both women are sexually promiscuous and are popular with a large segment of black men. Both women have a checkered past.

Kim Kardashian was dropping her scented handkerchief in Kanye’s path while still legally married to another man she SWORE she loved just a few short weeks before the divorce. How is that virtuous behavior? How is that not worthy of 30 showers?

Amber Rose is closer to being an “authentic” black woman than Kim Kardashian in the eyes of many black people. Although both have this honorary black woman card, Amber Rose double-downed on her status to the point of being considered a light-skinned black woman. As anyone can tell you a light-skinned black woman is a prize to many color-struck black men…until you put her next to a whiter woman. Then her blackness becomes a strike against her that makes any “sin” unforgiveable and justification for any denigration or disrespect.

What Khloe Kardashian made clear when she came at Amber Rose was this: She and the rest of her sisters are proud of their ability to replace and be considered superior to black women. Even other pseudo-black women!

They know that no matter how questionably they behave as a family, there will always be an army of wealthy black men from who they can choose, because these men are more fixated on their alleged status and white skin than anything remotely resembling class or character.

Their whiteness will ALWAYS trump black womanhood with black men. This is why they don’t “worry” about black women like Amber Rose…even though Amber Rose is more “honorary” black than genuinely black.

Where Does This Leave Unambiguous, Dark-Skinned Black Women?

Many people fooled themselves into thinking Kanye West’s ugly comment about his ex had no implications for black women.

Since color-struck black men are typically on the same page when it comes to black women, let me break down exactly WHY this comment was a landmark statement.

Kanye West pretty much let it out of the bag that black men consider black women dirty and unworthy by virtue of being black women.

These men “celebrated” black womanhood in the form of light-skinned women of color or racially ambiguous women. Now they’ve gotten bold, to the point where they are making it clear that ANY trace of blackness in a woman makes her dirty.

Black men want blackness ALL to themselves, and black womanhood and the unique beauty of the black woman is being pushed to non-black women altogether.  Black men are so hell bent on competing WITH black women, they’re trying to erase us and shame us from existence.

Kim K. represents the next stage of honorary black womanhood: Where black women are openly replaced by non-black women, with nothing connecting these non-black women to unambigous black women but the adoration of black men.

And since many black women love black men more than themselves, they’ll continue to accept these non-black women on THEIR pedestal, wearing THEIR crown. All while choosing to believe black men when they tell them these women are “black too”. Meanwhile these lost women continue to hate themselves for having dark skin and kinky hair because black men will continue to vocally exercise intra-racial hatred and misogyny against them.

You’ve got confused black women working over time to look like Kim Kardashian, while not even realizing all the surgery Kim K. required to look like black women.

Let me show you the image again.

Yep, that’s where black womanhood is headed if these color-struck black men have their way.

 

How Do We Fight Back Against This Nonsense?

Black women must un-apologetically wrestle the narrative of black womanhood away from black men. These men are running to give our womanhood and beauty away to any woman that isn’t black, but you still want to believe these men are fighting for us?

Black men are typically radio silent in these parts until they get called out for foolishness. I refuse to consider behavior repetitive to such a laughable degree to be a mere coincidence.

We can talk ALL DAY LONG about the abuse and damage suffered by black women and these persons will say nothing. But either mention that we’ve no interest in black men OR that black men are responsible for many of the violence black women experience and here they come.

Because it’s all about SELF INTEREST in black manhood at the expense of black womanhood. They sold their “sistas” down the river and don’t want to own it.

MAKE THEM OWN IT.

Do not give them room to talk. Continuously hold them accountable and demand they hold each other accountable.

Hold black men accountable for black woman victimhood rather than make excuses. White men are not the ones killing you ladies off by the thousands each year.

 

Black women, and I know this is going to upset some of you, but please hear it: Love yourselves enough to close your legs to men that hate you.

I’m not talking about mistakes made yesterday. Everyday is a new day. Today and tomorrow and forever, these men should be shut out of your life. If their actions tell you they don’t value you, they hate you, and they are using you…trust and believe it. And show them the door.

Do not have children by color-struck black men. Do not feed the cycle by coveting and worshiping your black sons to the point where they are out of touch with reality and do not burden your black daughters with the expectation that they are only on this planet to service black men. Do not make them feel as if they are worthless unless black men love them, especially when you know in your heart of hearts that black men today BOLDLY loathe black women.

Do not allow your little girls to be exposed to black male actors, musicians/rappers and athletes and any other prominent black men who make it their business to degenerate and objectify black women while parading around light-skinned non black women and calling them “black queens”….all while holding their hands out, expecting financial and emotional support from black women.

 

Do not think that you allowing black men to denigrate and use you will have no affect on your daughters; trust and believe that they will go up and repeat the example you have shown them.

 

Ultimately, black women win by opening up their options to ALL MEN who celebrate and value them as black women. Never apologize for allowing men to adore your dark-skin and kinky hair. Never think you are being “fetishized” when non-black men adore everything about you that you are told to bleach and weave away in the black community.

Never let ANYONE of ANY RACE try to convince you that your black womanhood is a dirty unfortunate thing and that you need their approval to be worthy.

Black women, black men are a lost cause when it comes to our womanhood and beauty.

 

If lighter black women and “honorary black women” are no longer worthy of the black woman crown, what are you waiting for? MOVE ON!

 

Let the pseudo-black women and non-black women battle for these DBR black men. You keep it moving towards the nearest exit…

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Carrie Updates Us On Her Date with Wes Murphy…You Do NOT Want to Miss This! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/carrie-updates-us-date-wes-murphy-not-want-miss/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/carrie-updates-us-date-wes-murphy-not-want-miss/#comments Fri, 20 Feb 2015 19:13:44 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36216 “Win A Date With Wes Murphy” By Carrie Thompson As I watched my laundry churn my mind drifts to a place of nervousness, ‘how well would I mesh with the illusive Mister Murphy? After all I don’t generally date nor give out my number out of fear of repeating a dating disaster of yesteryear. So […]

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“Win A Date With Wes Murphy”
By
Carrie Thompson
As I watched my laundry churn my mind drifts to a place of nervousness, ‘how well would I mesh with the illusive Mister Murphy? After all I don’t generally date nor give out my number out of fear of repeating a dating disaster of yesteryear. So I took a leap of faith and scheduled a casual coffee date with Wes on a chilly Thursday evening.
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 Wes with hair lol 

Muted makeup, casual denim, biker boots and the right amount of midriff. I sat on my porch awaiting his phone call. He parked on the corner of my busy street and waited. His image, distorted by distance, grew clearer and more handsome as I approached. He greets me with a hug and wide smile. He smelled so good, just a light amount of cologne.  That Whitney Houston song “I want to run to you” played in my mind. There was doves and everything.

Aware of his affinity for fine dark chocolate, pun intended, I brandished a gift of Ghirardelli cacao which made him smirk and high-five me. He opens his passenger side door and we skate off to a quaint coffee shop in my neck of the woods.

The coffee shop was surprisingly quiet, we order two teas and sat.  Our conversation was relentless, honest, and full of the ups and downs of California’s churning ecosphere. A commonality we shared was that it had washed us up and spit us back out more hungry and determined to be successful. Perpetually talkative, I may have revealed more than I had cared to about my failures but I think that made me more real in his eyes, as I would have hoped.

 

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 The lovely Carrie

Flashback to Monday when I was discussing this date with a coworker, he asked what I had hoped to feel with ‘mister right’ (not necessarily Wes). I told him that I have to be the astute face of correctness at all times during work and relentlessly pursue education on my free time as well as my passions. I just want to find someone I can be weak with. Which is exactly how I felt last night.

We teased and giggled. Even had a swordfight with our coffee stirrers. His gaze penetrates that wall I erect to the world as a ‘strong sister not to be fucked with.’ His eyes break me down to the little girl passing notes in the back of class. Like me? Circle yes or no.

And he does obviously, so I got out of my dreams and back into his car, return to my place and parked. The verbal firepower ceased only with his question phrased as comment, “we’re trying to decide right now if we should kiss.” He was right, but no way I wasn’t test-driving that! A kiss tells and it sells.

We lean in and ever so delicately his lips caress mine, my tongue counteracting his own movements. We have the perfect kissing chemistry, so much so, that my mind wandered to what else he was capable of? The kissing continued for another few minutes, but my aura was frozen. Mind lost, never to return. His strong hands firmly caressed my curves in the most elaborate and respectful of ways.

Before the fire brigade was called, we ended with a hug and made plans to go on a more formal date. Haven’t stopped thinking about him since. Though it was overly simple, it (and he) was the perfect date. No playing with his cell phone, no wandering eyes, and he really listens. Did I mention he is extremely smart, well read, and a simple guy that knows who he is and what he wants? I know a unicorn when I see one. I cannot wait to prove by action that I am the woman he has been waiting for.

I would like to thank Christelyn K., for hooking us up and allowing me to drool on via keyboard and for allowing Wes and I to contribute to her amazing online community. The future looks bright for us so stay tuned!

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