Beyond Black & White http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Thu, 19 Apr 2018 05:08:06 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.5 Video: Why You Keep Striking Out with Black Women http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/video-why-you-keep-striking-out-with-black-women/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/video-why-you-keep-striking-out-with-black-women/#respond Tue, 10 Apr 2018 15:28:13 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=44118 Last week I had a conversation with a young man who has recently directed his romantic interest towards black women he is meeting online. He told me that every single time he arranges for a date the woman flakes. Upon some further investigation, I discovered what might be the issue. Take a look and listen. […]

The post Video: Why You Keep Striking Out with Black Women appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
Last week I had a conversation with a young man who has recently directed his romantic interest towards black women he is meeting online. He told me that every single time he arranges for a date the woman flakes. Upon some further investigation, I discovered what might be the issue.

Take a look and listen.

For the Guy’s Guide CLICK HERE

For Personal Coaching CLICK HERE

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

The post Video: Why You Keep Striking Out with Black Women appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/video-why-you-keep-striking-out-with-black-women/feed/ 0
Ya’ll Will Still Take Taye Diggs. (A Response) http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/yall-will-still-take-taye-diggs-response/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/yall-will-still-take-taye-diggs-response/#respond Thu, 01 Mar 2018 07:38:43 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43946 When I first read an article on The Grio, titled, Is Taye Diggs so mad a Black women he wants to date us again? My first thought was to agree with the author, who wrote that the ill-advised interview he participated in where he discussed his dating choices. Among other things, he said at 13, his […]

The post Ya’ll Will Still Take Taye Diggs. (A Response) appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
When I first read an article on The Grio, titled, Is Taye Diggs so mad a Black women he wants to date us again? My first thought was to agree with the author, who wrote that the ill-advised interview he participated in where he discussed his dating choices. Among other things, he said at 13, his mother disabused him of any notions he  would marry a black woman. Let him tell it, his mother told him he was going to marry a white woman. Way to throw momma off the train and under the bus, Taye!

Then I thought about it some more.

The author of The Grio article is skeptical that a black mother would say such a thing, but…knowing how pervasive and insidious as colorism is in the black community, I wouldn’t say that conversation was an impossible one. Black women have often acted in the service of black men to the expense of themselves. If black mothers can tell their sons not to bring home dark, nappy-headed girls, why is it impossible to tell them to just cut the middle man and get a white one?

Now that Taye Diggs has married, mated and divorced a white woman, he’s dating a black one. And I guess was the wrong decision, because some folks think when you hop the fence one way you can hop back.

Look. Taye Diggs does not belong to us. Conversely, black women shouldn’t feel beholden in 2018 to stick with black men. So quotes like this: “He’s come back to us ya’ll! Just please don’t remind him that we weren’t really his first choice,” is not helpful.

The idea that if you dare to date and marry outside of your race is such treason that you can never ever ever ever discover love with someone inside your race thereafter is absurd. It didn’t keep Taye’s white ex from getting re-married to a white man, with her biracial  byproduct of her interracial union, did it?

Saying someone “can’t come back” after they have a failed interracial relationship is some petty nonsense that reveals your hand. It shows you’re so hurt, rejected and dejected that the betrayal is just too much to bear.

But what I do know is, that the last thing we need right now is another black man who doesn’t even like black women – acting like he’s doing us a favor. If this is truly meant to be ‘The Year of The Woman’ then we deserve to be a celebrated first choice, not a disgruntled backup plan.

Ya’ll can have him back.

Seriously.

Taye Diggs did not owe it to black women to be his first choice. His choice was his choice. According to the author’s logic, the only way a black woman is approved of dating and marrying a white men is if she gave every black man she ever met in life a chance, and after well-documented proof, can be given begrudging approval by the black community to seek love elsewhere.

And in any case, since when have black women collectively turned their backs on ANY black man that offended them, right or wrong? Please. Ya’ll will take Taye Diggs back.

One of you already has.

By the way Taye, if you’re reading this, you have an erie resemblance to my brother.

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

The post Ya’ll Will Still Take Taye Diggs. (A Response) appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/yall-will-still-take-taye-diggs-response/feed/ 0
So…What Do Black Men REALLY Think About Black Women Dating Interracially? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/black-men-really-think-black-women-dating-interracially/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/black-men-really-think-black-women-dating-interracially/#comments Wed, 25 Oct 2017 14:05:40 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43434 I know some of the fans here are probably saying, “Who cares?” You may not, but I guarantee you that there are many, many, MANY black women who read this blog still incredibly concerned about what black men think about the possibility of them dating white guys. Meet Steven! The comment below came up on […]

The post So…What Do Black Men REALLY Think About Black Women Dating Interracially? appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
I know some of the fans here are probably saying, “Who cares?” You may not, but I guarantee you that there are many, many, MANY black women who read this blog still incredibly concerned about what black men think about the possibility of them dating white guys.

Meet Steven!

The comment below came up on our Facebook fan page, made by the few openly supportive black men on the page, named Steven. I’ve got to say, I respect his candidness.

Black men feel it’s ok for them to swirl and not black women because we are a bunch of hypocritical chauvinist pigs/dogs. Like ALL mean of ALL races, we all feel we can be as free as we want but the woman must stay home reserve and confine herself & stand by for us. And after we have sowed all our oats you women should be there waiting for us no matter what. Oh and if we want, hell we can just leave you for someone else in spite of all your sacrifices and unwavering loyalty.

If you don’t do this and develop a mind of your own and start opening up all you dating options, then you’re a bed wench. That’s pretty much it in a nutshell. It is a crazy and sickening mentality but many of us men actually think that way. And we see nothing wrong with it. Does this mentality sound familiar to you? What other crazy group of people actually think like this?

That’s right you guessed it, racist white men is the correct answer. Many of us black men have became the very thing we despise the most. Not all of us, but many.

I have to say, in the societies where chauvinism is allowed to thrive–India and tons of Arab countries–the idea that women have agency is met with mockery, threats, and violence. White men used to be the worst offenders of this, “I can do it, but you, little woman can not” until their women rose up collectively to fight for change.

What are you thoughts on all this?

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our You Tube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

The post So…What Do Black Men REALLY Think About Black Women Dating Interracially? appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/black-men-really-think-black-women-dating-interracially/feed/ 93
Bachelorette: She Dumped Him Because He Would Have Never Dated Her Anyway! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/bachelorette-dumped-never-dated-anyway/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/bachelorette-dumped-never-dated-anyway/#comments Tue, 04 Jul 2017 08:16:49 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=42857 Alas, there were new episodes of The Bachelorette this week, but that’s good for me, because I’ve been running behind, what with all the planning for Swirl Around the World. Rachel dumped a lot of dead weight, including the racist, conniving (general) Lee, busy-body Iggy, overly emotional and triggered Kenny, the Russian (what’s his name?) […]

The post Bachelorette: She Dumped Him Because He Would Have Never Dated Her Anyway! appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
Alas, there were new episodes of The Bachelorette this week, but that’s good for me, because I’ve been running behind, what with all the planning for Swirl Around the World. Rachel dumped a lot of dead weight, including the racist, conniving (general) Lee, busy-body Iggy, overly emotional and triggered Kenny, the Russian (what’s his name?) and Will.

Will was the most interesting dump to me, because it highlighted something that middle to upper class black girls and women often face with dating.

https://youtu.be/6_JvYPQlbMY

During their one-on-one date, Will mentioned in passing that he had never dated a black woman because he lived in a white neighborhood and dated the girls that were around. You could tell Rachel wasn’t buying it. She’d been raised in the same kind of neighborhood he did, and stated that even surrounded by whites, she exclusively dated within her race.

On the surface, you’d think two privileged black kids would be perfect matches for one another–the makings of an Obama couple. But that’s hardly ever the case in these situations.

About three years ago Ebony did a surprising feature on the state of interracial relationships. It was mostly optimistic, and mentioned 15% of all new marriages are interracial. But the article also said there’s still major disparities when it comes to mixed matching. Black boys are the “rock stars” of swirling in the teen crowd, while black girls struggle just to be seen.

 

So again, no surprise that Rachel had a totally different dating experience than Will. I loved the way she called him on it and didn’t let it slide–essentially allowing for the conversation to be had on a national level. While Will was bragging about how “passionate” he ways, Rachel said, You wouldn’t hold or kiss me” which left her wondering, why she, a black woman, wasn’t getting that from him.

He didn’t have a good answer for that, and Rachel next-ed him. Love that she’s not wasting her time on posers of any race, but also loving how her situations bring to light issues we’ve been struggling with since integration.

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our You Tube channel. And if you want to be a little moreabout this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog. 

 

The post Bachelorette: She Dumped Him Because He Would Have Never Dated Her Anyway! appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/bachelorette-dumped-never-dated-anyway/feed/ 114
Modern Millennial Women are Absolutely Deluding Themselves About Dating. http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/modern-millennial-women-absolutely-deluding-dating/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/modern-millennial-women-absolutely-deluding-dating/#comments Tue, 30 May 2017 20:15:51 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=42664 I’ve recently made a commitment to myself to read more. In an effort to have some accountability in that department, I’d bought a subscription to the New York Times weekend edition. I absolutely MUST look through the entire newspaper and read at least five articles before I toss them in the recycle bin. It’s Tuesday, […]

The post Modern Millennial Women are Absolutely Deluding Themselves About Dating. appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
I’ve recently made a commitment to myself to read more. In an effort to have some accountability in that department, I’d bought a subscription to the New York Times weekend edition. I absolutely MUST look through the entire newspaper and read at least five articles before I toss them in the recycle bin. It’s Tuesday, but I’m reading Sunday’s edition. Because well…of what I just said. In the article I’m reading now (yes; I’m reading it now and was so miffed I stopped to write about this WTF-ery. The author, Lauren Peterson, is lamenting the fact that dating apps like Bumble, that allow for the woman to make the first move with potential suitors, is leaving her with with namby-pamby, limp-wristed men who are ambivalent about anything serious.

Lauren says this:

Every Monday night for the next month, I would stuff my contact lens solution into my backpack and walk to Michael’s apartment. He’d lean against my shoulder as we watched movies in his barren living room, which he decided not to decorate because he had signed only a one-year lease. “No point when it’s so temporary,” he said.

Everything about us was temporary. We would talk a little, watch a little and then go to bed. In the morning, I would zip up my coat while he asked, “Heading out?”

I would nod and say, “Thanks for the toast.”

Oh my God. “Thanks for the toast?!” I may be old, but I’m absolutely disgusted by the modern millennial woman’s lack of expectations and the total hook up culture that supposed to be more gender equitable. Let’s face facts–it’s not. When you completely de-incentivize a man’s innate desire to pursue, and think you’re somehow empowering yourself by sleeping with men with absolutely no commitment and end up thanking them for TOAST, you’re losing, chick. Men no longer have to do ANYTHING, and get everything. This is better than what, exactly? At least prostitutes get paid and can buy their own toast.

Another issue that isn’t NEARLY discussed enough is how women have a hardwired desire to bond with the men they’re sleeping with. The author mentions this. “For a month, I was totally in control. Then one morning, as I returned to my apartment, my hand paused on the doorknob. Instead of considering the warm shower I was about to take, or even dreading the slog of classes that awaited me, I was still thinking about Michael.” Yes honey; because your women’s studies classes and junior membership at NOW won’t fight your biology.

When Lauren finally told told her hookup “I like you,” after giving him no-strings-required sex for a month, you know what he told her? Do you?! “I like you too…It’s just that I’m apprehensive about the commitment.” Uh huh. Sadly, her declaration of like ended the six-week bed Olympics. Wow…so…telling someone you like them after you’ve been sleeping with them for a month is a deal breaker?

Ya’ll crazy.

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our You Tube channel. And if you want to be a little more serious about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog.

The post Modern Millennial Women are Absolutely Deluding Themselves About Dating. appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/modern-millennial-women-absolutely-deluding-dating/feed/ 194
For the Fellas…Ya’ll Need to Choose Better Too. http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/fellas-yall-need-choose-better/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/fellas-yall-need-choose-better/#comments Tue, 21 Feb 2017 14:17:54 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=42082 My favorite pic of us 💙💙 A post shared by ROBERT KARDASHIAN (@robkardashian) on Feb 20, 2017 at 8:52am PST As I continue to shake my head at the much-predictable fallout of Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna, I think the only person in the world surprised at yet another split is Rob himself. He recently […]

The post For the Fellas…Ya’ll Need to Choose Better Too. appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>

My favorite pic of us 💙💙

A post shared by ROBERT KARDASHIAN (@robkardashian) on

As I continue to shake my head at the much-predictable fallout of Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna, I think the only person in the world surprised at yet another split is Rob himself. He recently posted a lamentable photo of him holding daughter Dream. And while the baby is a dream, chances are her mother will be a recurring nightmare for many years to come. Say whatever you want about how schlubby he is, but Rob’s financial privileges have enable him to literally choose any type of woman he wants, and he picked his kid sister’s boyfriend’s baby mama. Out of all the women Rob Kardashian had access to, he picked her to be the mother of his child. Like it or not, he’ll be dealing with this…

 

No doubt Rob, who is more reclusive than his brash sisters and definitively less fashion conscious, has issues related to self esteem that caused him to make such a choice, but that doesn’t get him off the hook. He’s got access to the best psychiatrists, life coaches, personal trainers and image consultant in Los Angeles, so this man get zero pity from me.

Men, if you want women to accept responsibility for their bad relationship choices, then so do you. I’m tired of men spilling their seeds into the wombs of questionable virtue and then turn around blaming all women for being shitty.

The post For the Fellas…Ya’ll Need to Choose Better Too. appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/fellas-yall-need-choose-better/feed/ 26