Beyond Black & White https://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Tue, 12 Jun 2018 04:28:24 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.6 Presenting…the Duke and Duchess of Sussex! [Open Thread] https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/presenting-the-duke-and-duchess-of-sussex-open-thread/ https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/presenting-the-duke-and-duchess-of-sussex-open-thread/#respond Sat, 19 May 2018 13:20:40 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=44246 My girls in the Pink Pill group pinged my phone this morning because I was apparently late. At 3:45 AM, all the good stuff was happening and I was missing it. So I jumped out of bed, bleary-eyed, and discombobulated. I grabbed some decaf and watched, in real time, Meghan Markle, the daughter of a black […]

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US actress Meghan Markle arrives for the wedding ceremony to marry Britain’s Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, at St George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle, in Windsor, on May 19, 2018. (Photo by Ben STANSALL / POOL / AFP) (Photo credit should read BEN STANSALL/AFP/Getty Images)

My girls in the Pink Pill group pinged my phone this morning because I was apparently late. At 3:45 AM, all the good stuff was happening and I was missing it. So I jumped out of bed, bleary-eyed, and discombobulated. I grabbed some decaf and watched, in real time, Meghan Markle, the daughter of a black mother, become royalty.

It was truly something out of a fairy tale. The wedding dress and long train, the tiara, the prince looking lovingly at his bride. Harry and Meghan held hands throughout the entire ceremony. It just goes to show that in life, anything is possible.

The wedding was a diverse mix of traditional Church of England protocol and a gospel choir singing “Stand By Me.” The black bishop, and his long, drawn-out sermon, was awkward, and a bit weird. An amazing 19-year old cellist, Sheku Kanneh-Mason, performed while Meghan and Harry signed the official documents that sealed the deal. Like the couple, black and white merged to create something new and inspirational.

Mom of the bride, Doria Ragland sat close by, fighting back tears. I can’t help but think that her father, Thomas, is totally crushed for messing up his chances of walking his daughter down the aisle.

Meghan seems to be acclimating into her new role with ease. She is now a countess and a duchess, and of course, an American princess.

My, my, my.

Did you watch? What did you think about it all?

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Destiny’s Child Group Member, Michelle Williams Gets Engaged! https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/destinys-child-group-member-michelle-williams-gets-engaged/ https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/destinys-child-group-member-michelle-williams-gets-engaged/#respond Fri, 20 Apr 2018 04:19:15 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=44149 People magazine reported today that Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child is engaged to Chad Johnson, a minister and professional sports chaplin. Johnson is 40 and Williams is 37. They met a year ago last March and aren’t going to be wasting a lot of time on an extended engagement. Nuptials will happen this summer. If […]

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People magazine reported today that Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child is engaged to Chad Johnson, a minister and professional sports chaplin. Johnson is 40 and Williams is 37. They met a year ago last March and aren’t going to be wasting a lot of time on an extended engagement. Nuptials will happen this summer.

If all that seems rather quick to you, then you must be in your twenties.

Congrats to the couple! The more unions we see like this, the more black women will begin to re-imagine their ‘happily ever after.’

Hahaaahhaha! Aw!!! Thank you @peopletv @people!!! Take a look guys!!! ❤?❤

A post shared by Michelle Williams (@michellewilliams) on

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How Star Jones Pink Pilled Her Wedding This Time Around https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/how-star-jones-pink-pilled-her-wedding-this-time-around/ https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/how-star-jones-pink-pilled-her-wedding-this-time-around/#respond Tue, 27 Mar 2018 08:34:52 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=44067 In 2004, the New York Post described Star Jones as a bridezilla who used her upcoming nuptials to Al Reynolds as a marketing and sponsorship opportunity to the highest bidder. I have a vague recollection of her then when she was at the height of her arrogance and self-centeredness on The View, and her co-stars becoming […]

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In 2004, the New York Post described Star Jones as a bridezilla who used her upcoming nuptials to Al Reynolds as a marketing and sponsorship opportunity to the highest bidder. I have a vague recollection of her then when she was at the height of her arrogance and self-centeredness on The View, and her co-stars becoming annoyed and exasperated by her endless prattling and sales pitches to venders. According to the Post, Jones tried to get sponsors for a “spa tent” for her bridal party because it was an “outstanding product placement opportunity,”Oscar-style swag bags, and free flights from Continental Airlines. One celebrity wedding planner who wished to stay anonymous said, “I’ve never heard anything as declassé as a celebrity seeking this kind of sponsorship. It’s unbelievably cheap.”

“But seriously, this kind of thing cheapens what we do and it is disrespectful to the people who are providing a service,” said Marcy Blum, a wedding planner and author of Weddings for Dummies. Seems like Jones wanted the glamorous wedding and the husband was just a nice accessory. Had she spent more time obsessing over the marriage and less on a snagging a fancy wedding for free, she might have noticed her husband was using her as his beard.

Here is a prime example of a successful and accomplished black woman who is a lawyer, author and former television personality who mingled around the top escelons of society but was too tone deaf to realize that her classlessness eventually alienated her to the point where she was left without any allies when she was ousted from The View.  Her arrogance, entitlment, and refusal to adhere to the etiquette rules and protocols for short term gain produced long-term failure, heartache, and embarrassment. Star Jones had once been a fan favorite, but her lack of decorum and humility completely empied the bank of good will she had aquired.

The Post article closes with this biting zinger: “Just a thought. Rather than the $10,500 silver tray Star requests on her Tiffany gift registry, maybe one of her best friends should buy her a copy of “Ms. Manners’ Etiquette” instead.”

Fastforward 14 years, and it looks like Star Jones has gotten a clue and a second chance at happiness. She just married Ricardo Lugo while on a cruise in the Bahamas. Judgeing from her Instagram, there seems to be no “brought to you by the Acme Company” on anything.

Star Jones and Ricardo Lugo Wedding on Royal Caribbean Anthem of the Seas.
http://www.maringvisuals.com/starandricardo02abcd
https://app.asana.com/0/32923395333443/607800591546754/f
Photography by Maring Visuals.

They look very happy and in love. She seems to be giving off a much more relaxed energy. And this time around it appears her discretion, thoughtfulness and humility has once again endeared her in the press, because I haven’t seen one negative article about her trying to hustle sponsors for this wedding. This might be a prime opportunity for her to relaunch her stalling career if she plays her cards right.

Critics of Pink Pill (there are a few; but not many) suggest that any black woman who goes to a good school and gets into a well-paying job will acquire the “soft skills” of navigating through the greater society through osmosis. Like with this example, Star Jones had amazing success in her career, but her lack of etiquette and class minimized all the accomplishments that came before, and it has taken over a decade to climb up from that.

Psst…if you haven’t yet joined the Pink Pill, maybe you should today. We do a complete video case study in our private group. We’re doing this a lot, and trust me…you’re missing out on a lot of vital information. To enroll in the course and be admitted into the private group, click here.

Oh! And if you haven’t already, check out my new column, The Pink Pill, on Eurweb! Here’s the first installment. 

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Real Talk: How Soon Should You Push the M-Word? https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/real-talk-soon-push-m-word/ https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/real-talk-soon-push-m-word/#comments Wed, 31 Jan 2018 02:37:46 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43827 If you’re a woman looking for a family and marriage, you don’t want to waste time. Nobody wants to be led on. Some of my lady followers discuss a desire to have “the talk” very early on about the “M-word.” But how soon is too soon, or not soon enough? Not every man comes to […]

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If you’re a woman looking for a family and marriage, you don’t want to waste time. Nobody wants to be led on. Some of my lady followers discuss a desire to have “the talk” very early on about the “M-word.” But how soon is too soon, or not soon enough? Not every man comes to the same conclusion simultaneously.

  • There are some men who are marriage-minded and are open about that. But even the marriage-minded ones aren’t necessarily being marriage minded about YOU. That’s just their general status. They’re looking for the right woman to stir into the pot and complete the soup. It up to him (and you) whether you’re the perfect ingredient.

 

  • Other men are open, but won’t necessarily know within a few months of dating. These men tend to be younger, still establishing themselves in life, and getting their sea legs.

 

  • Then there are men who will outright tell you that they are not interested in anything serious, and it tends to be obvious early on.

 

  • There’s a super-small, tiny, minuscule, a peck of a speck of men who actually do know they want to marry someone at first sight. They usually don’t say so, for fear of looking like a lunatic.

 

  • Finally, there are men who SAY they desire marriage but only do so because they know that is what a woman wants to hear. It is used as a manipulation tactic to receive “wife benefits” without the commitment. It is a bait and switch. My daughter’s father did this. Talked a lot about marriage, but as time went on, he put all these imaginary roadblocks and reasons for why “it was my fault” he wasn’t ready. In the end, I’m grateful he didn’t marry me.

So with all these varied combinations, how can you REALLY know if a man is serious? THROUGH HIS ACTIONS. He will display the following characteristics: he is dependable, committed, considerate, loyal, hard-working and protective of you. He is respected by his friends and colleagues, and you have been introduced to them. He speaks of future plans and YOU are included in them.

If you must keep a deadline (and I’m all for that because you shouldn’t waste your beauty and reproductive window on someone who is on a different clock) then DO IT. But not with ultimatums or fanfare. This is the one thing ladies that we can not force. We can lead the horse to the water and hope he drinks, but ultimately it will be his choice. Now how you respond with that knowledge is entirely up to you.

So what are your thoughts on when to discuss the M-word?

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

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5 Professionals That Can Help You Plan Your Wedding https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/5-professionals-can-help-plan-wedding/ https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/5-professionals-can-help-plan-wedding/#comments Sat, 27 Jan 2018 04:49:09 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43816   It finally happened. After years of looking for the right man and months of dating said man, he’s popped the question. Needless to say, you’re over the moon with happiness, but as the glow of the proposal wears off you realize you now have to plan the wedding. You’ve always prioritized getting married and envisioned exactly […]

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It finally happened. After years of looking for the right man and months of dating said man, he’s popped the question. Needless to say, you’re over the moon with happiness, but as the glow of the proposal wears off you realize you now have to plan the wedding.

You’ve always prioritized getting married and envisioned exactly how the big day will go. It’s time to make all of those ideas a reality. Weddings are a huge undertaking even if the guest list is small and you keep things simple. It’s a good thing there’s a whole industry of professionals who have experience making weddings go off without a hitch.

Wedding Planner

The most obvious source of bridal assistance is a wedding planner. You can go with an individual wedding planner or an event planning company. The team at Wonderstruck advocates for the latter. They know that weddings are high-stress situations that require tight coordinating. Having more than one person that you can call on is a real stress reliever.

You’ll spend a lot of time interacting with your wedding planner, so it’s important to find someone that you get along with well. The planner should also have a firm understanding of the type of wedding you want – not the wedding they think you should have.

Today, themed weddings are extremely popular. Your wedding planner should help you come up with a theme that reflects your relationship in a unique way. Choose carefully because the theme will influence just about everything else.

Caterer

If you only nail one thing at your wedding, make it the food. It’s amazing how great food can make guests forget about everything else. That all comes down to who caterers your wedding.

The caterer can help you plan out the menu based on your personal preferences and budget. They can also suggest the best types of place settings for the food, help coordinate the setup at the venue and bring everything that’s needed for eating.

Florist

When we think of weddings one of the first things that come to mind is flowers. Big, beautiful flower arrangements, table centerpieces, bouquets, decor dripping with delicate buds.

These amazing displays of nature’s beauty are created in the minds of florists. A talented florist can work natural wonders no matter what flower you pick for your wedding. They can also provide advice if you aren’t sure what type of flowers you want to use. Is having environmentally-friendly flowers a top priority? There are florists that specialize in that too.

Photographer

After putting in so much time, energy and way more money than you ever thought possible on a wedding you’ll want to commemorate every aspect of it. Guests are sure to take countless pictures, but a professional photographer goes above and beyond to capture the most magical moments you’ll want to remember forever.

Experienced photographers understand how to work with the tight schedule of a wedding day. They plan their shots out in advance so that they can be in the right place at the right time. Before the wedding, you’ll want to provide the photographer with a copy of the day’s schedule and go over the shots that you definitely want to get. The photographer can also suggest times where you can sneak away for intimate shots with your groom.

Depending on the size of your wedding and the planned events, you may want to hire a team of wedding photographers.

Venue Operator

The venue is one of the largest costs of most weddings. Knowing the venue inside and out is a necessity if you want the wedding to go smoothly. That’s where the venue operator comes into play.

When you’re touring venues, keep in mind it’s also an interview. You want to work with a venue operator that is seasoned and understands how to make the property shine for your event. They should know just about every detail down to each outlet. This kind of venue operator will be invaluable during the planning phase and the day of the wedding.

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Another Wedding! Loving Day Retreats! https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/another-wedding-loving-day-retreats/ https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/another-wedding-loving-day-retreats/#comments Sat, 09 Dec 2017 04:43:30 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43647 How ADORABLE is this?! It’s a wedding! Loving Day Retreats, a supporter of this blog and organizer for an amazing couple’s retreat to South Africa tied the knot!     Shirley and her new hubby (the masterminds behind LovingDayRetreats) are looking forward to connecting with the BB&W Crew for the upcoming event. Here are the […]

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How ADORABLE is this?!

It’s a wedding! Loving Day Retreats, a supporter of this blog and organizer for an amazing couple’s retreat to South Africa tied the knot!

 

 

Shirley and her new hubby (the masterminds behind LovingDayRetreats) are looking forward to connecting with the BB&W Crew for the upcoming event. Here are the details:

Re-connect with your loved one and join our retreat group as we partake in the rich history and diverse culture of South Africa. Enjoy a breathtaking view of the Cape from the Table Mountain Aerial Cable-way. Tour the enchanting peninsula and take a helicopter ride with the group and view the spectacular aerial views of the outer islands and land terrain. Wine lovers will enjoy partaking in our scheduled group wine tasting event. This tour also includes a two day safari at a popular game reserve where the big 5 (Elephants, Lions, Leopards, Cape Buffalo and Rhinoceros) call home.  This spectacular bucket list destination boasts of rave reviews and unforgettable memories.  Disconnect from your hectic routine, and re-connect with your love on this magical retreat.

Each Day of this spectacular trip will entail a personal activity that you and your love can privately partake in together (see itinerary for details).  Love is the key in our retreats. Designed to bring couples together in effort to focus on each other, encourage each other and enjoy your relaxing down time.  Rekindle your dreams, rekindle your love… Re-connect!

What’s included

All Lodging

All Meals and Drinks*

Winery & Vineyard Tour

Aerial Cable City Tour

Helicopter Tour

Game Safari & Lodge Stay

2 Nights at Safari Lodge

Transportation to Safari
Farewell Dinner
Black & White Dinner Gala, and Prizes
Hop-On Hop-Off Tour Pass
Tour Cape Town’s must see sights at your leisure via the Cape Town Hop-on, Hop-Off Open air bus.
Couples Activities

So what are you waiting for? A $500 deposit holds your spot! Go…go…GO!

For more information about LovingDayRetreats.com, email love@lovingdayretreats.com.

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