Beyond Black & White http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Thu, 19 Apr 2018 05:08:06 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.5 How Star Jones Pink Pilled Her Wedding This Time Around http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/how-star-jones-pink-pilled-her-wedding-this-time-around/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/how-star-jones-pink-pilled-her-wedding-this-time-around/#respond Tue, 27 Mar 2018 08:34:52 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=44067 In 2004, the New York Post described Star Jones as a bridezilla who used her upcoming nuptials to Al Reynolds as a marketing and sponsorship opportunity to the highest bidder. I have a vague recollection of her then when she was at the height of her arrogance and self-centeredness on The View, and her co-stars becoming […]

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In 2004, the New York Post described Star Jones as a bridezilla who used her upcoming nuptials to Al Reynolds as a marketing and sponsorship opportunity to the highest bidder. I have a vague recollection of her then when she was at the height of her arrogance and self-centeredness on The View, and her co-stars becoming annoyed and exasperated by her endless prattling and sales pitches to venders. According to the Post, Jones tried to get sponsors for a “spa tent” for her bridal party because it was an “outstanding product placement opportunity,”Oscar-style swag bags, and free flights from Continental Airlines. One celebrity wedding planner who wished to stay anonymous said, “I’ve never heard anything as declassé as a celebrity seeking this kind of sponsorship. It’s unbelievably cheap.”

“But seriously, this kind of thing cheapens what we do and it is disrespectful to the people who are providing a service,” said Marcy Blum, a wedding planner and author of Weddings for Dummies. Seems like Jones wanted the glamorous wedding and the husband was just a nice accessory. Had she spent more time obsessing over the marriage and less on a snagging a fancy wedding for free, she might have noticed her husband was using her as his beard.

Here is a prime example of a successful and accomplished black woman who is a lawyer, author and former television personality who mingled around the top escelons of society but was too tone deaf to realize that her classlessness eventually alienated her to the point where she was left without any allies when she was ousted from The View.  Her arrogance, entitlment, and refusal to adhere to the etiquette rules and protocols for short term gain produced long-term failure, heartache, and embarrassment. Star Jones had once been a fan favorite, but her lack of decorum and humility completely empied the bank of good will she had aquired.

The Post article closes with this biting zinger: “Just a thought. Rather than the $10,500 silver tray Star requests on her Tiffany gift registry, maybe one of her best friends should buy her a copy of “Ms. Manners’ Etiquette” instead.”

Fastforward 14 years, and it looks like Star Jones has gotten a clue and a second chance at happiness. She just married Ricardo Lugo while on a cruise in the Bahamas. Judgeing from her Instagram, there seems to be no “brought to you by the Acme Company” on anything.

Star Jones and Ricardo Lugo Wedding on Royal Caribbean Anthem of the Seas.
http://www.maringvisuals.com/starandricardo02abcd
https://app.asana.com/0/32923395333443/607800591546754/f
Photography by Maring Visuals.

They look very happy and in love. She seems to be giving off a much more relaxed energy. And this time around it appears her discretion, thoughtfulness and humility has once again endeared her in the press, because I haven’t seen one negative article about her trying to hustle sponsors for this wedding. This might be a prime opportunity for her to relaunch her stalling career if she plays her cards right.

Critics of Pink Pill (there are a few; but not many) suggest that any black woman who goes to a good school and gets into a well-paying job will acquire the “soft skills” of navigating through the greater society through osmosis. Like with this example, Star Jones had amazing success in her career, but her lack of etiquette and class minimized all the accomplishments that came before, and it has taken over a decade to climb up from that.

Psst…if you haven’t yet joined the Pink Pill, maybe you should today. We do a complete video case study in our private group. We’re doing this a lot, and trust me…you’re missing out on a lot of vital information. To enroll in the course and be admitted into the private group, click here.

Oh! And if you haven’t already, check out my new column, The Pink Pill, on Eurweb! Here’s the first installment. 

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Real Talk: How Soon Should You Push the M-Word? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/real-talk-soon-push-m-word/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/real-talk-soon-push-m-word/#comments Wed, 31 Jan 2018 02:37:46 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43827 If you’re a woman looking for a family and marriage, you don’t want to waste time. Nobody wants to be led on. Some of my lady followers discuss a desire to have “the talk” very early on about the “M-word.” But how soon is too soon, or not soon enough? Not every man comes to […]

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If you’re a woman looking for a family and marriage, you don’t want to waste time. Nobody wants to be led on. Some of my lady followers discuss a desire to have “the talk” very early on about the “M-word.” But how soon is too soon, or not soon enough? Not every man comes to the same conclusion simultaneously.

  • There are some men who are marriage-minded and are open about that. But even the marriage-minded ones aren’t necessarily being marriage minded about YOU. That’s just their general status. They’re looking for the right woman to stir into the pot and complete the soup. It up to him (and you) whether you’re the perfect ingredient.

 

  • Other men are open, but won’t necessarily know within a few months of dating. These men tend to be younger, still establishing themselves in life, and getting their sea legs.

 

  • Then there are men who will outright tell you that they are not interested in anything serious, and it tends to be obvious early on.

 

  • There’s a super-small, tiny, minuscule, a peck of a speck of men who actually do know they want to marry someone at first sight. They usually don’t say so, for fear of looking like a lunatic.

 

  • Finally, there are men who SAY they desire marriage but only do so because they know that is what a woman wants to hear. It is used as a manipulation tactic to receive “wife benefits” without the commitment. It is a bait and switch. My daughter’s father did this. Talked a lot about marriage, but as time went on, he put all these imaginary roadblocks and reasons for why “it was my fault” he wasn’t ready. In the end, I’m grateful he didn’t marry me.

So with all these varied combinations, how can you REALLY know if a man is serious? THROUGH HIS ACTIONS. He will display the following characteristics: he is dependable, committed, considerate, loyal, hard-working and protective of you. He is respected by his friends and colleagues, and you have been introduced to them. He speaks of future plans and YOU are included in them.

If you must keep a deadline (and I’m all for that because you shouldn’t waste your beauty and reproductive window on someone who is on a different clock) then DO IT. But not with ultimatums or fanfare. This is the one thing ladies that we can not force. We can lead the horse to the water and hope he drinks, but ultimately it will be his choice. Now how you respond with that knowledge is entirely up to you.

So what are your thoughts on when to discuss the M-word?

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog

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5 Professionals That Can Help You Plan Your Wedding http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/5-professionals-can-help-plan-wedding/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/5-professionals-can-help-plan-wedding/#comments Sat, 27 Jan 2018 04:49:09 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43816   It finally happened. After years of looking for the right man and months of dating said man, he’s popped the question. Needless to say, you’re over the moon with happiness, but as the glow of the proposal wears off you realize you now have to plan the wedding. You’ve always prioritized getting married and envisioned exactly […]

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It finally happened. After years of looking for the right man and months of dating said man, he’s popped the question. Needless to say, you’re over the moon with happiness, but as the glow of the proposal wears off you realize you now have to plan the wedding.

You’ve always prioritized getting married and envisioned exactly how the big day will go. It’s time to make all of those ideas a reality. Weddings are a huge undertaking even if the guest list is small and you keep things simple. It’s a good thing there’s a whole industry of professionals who have experience making weddings go off without a hitch.

Wedding Planner

The most obvious source of bridal assistance is a wedding planner. You can go with an individual wedding planner or an event planning company. The team at Wonderstruck advocates for the latter. They know that weddings are high-stress situations that require tight coordinating. Having more than one person that you can call on is a real stress reliever.

You’ll spend a lot of time interacting with your wedding planner, so it’s important to find someone that you get along with well. The planner should also have a firm understanding of the type of wedding you want – not the wedding they think you should have.

Today, themed weddings are extremely popular. Your wedding planner should help you come up with a theme that reflects your relationship in a unique way. Choose carefully because the theme will influence just about everything else.

Caterer

If you only nail one thing at your wedding, make it the food. It’s amazing how great food can make guests forget about everything else. That all comes down to who caterers your wedding.

The caterer can help you plan out the menu based on your personal preferences and budget. They can also suggest the best types of place settings for the food, help coordinate the setup at the venue and bring everything that’s needed for eating.

Florist

When we think of weddings one of the first things that come to mind is flowers. Big, beautiful flower arrangements, table centerpieces, bouquets, decor dripping with delicate buds.

These amazing displays of nature’s beauty are created in the minds of florists. A talented florist can work natural wonders no matter what flower you pick for your wedding. They can also provide advice if you aren’t sure what type of flowers you want to use. Is having environmentally-friendly flowers a top priority? There are florists that specialize in that too.

Photographer

After putting in so much time, energy and way more money than you ever thought possible on a wedding you’ll want to commemorate every aspect of it. Guests are sure to take countless pictures, but a professional photographer goes above and beyond to capture the most magical moments you’ll want to remember forever.

Experienced photographers understand how to work with the tight schedule of a wedding day. They plan their shots out in advance so that they can be in the right place at the right time. Before the wedding, you’ll want to provide the photographer with a copy of the day’s schedule and go over the shots that you definitely want to get. The photographer can also suggest times where you can sneak away for intimate shots with your groom.

Depending on the size of your wedding and the planned events, you may want to hire a team of wedding photographers.

Venue Operator

The venue is one of the largest costs of most weddings. Knowing the venue inside and out is a necessity if you want the wedding to go smoothly. That’s where the venue operator comes into play.

When you’re touring venues, keep in mind it’s also an interview. You want to work with a venue operator that is seasoned and understands how to make the property shine for your event. They should know just about every detail down to each outlet. This kind of venue operator will be invaluable during the planning phase and the day of the wedding.

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Another Wedding! Loving Day Retreats! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/another-wedding-loving-day-retreats/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/another-wedding-loving-day-retreats/#comments Sat, 09 Dec 2017 04:43:30 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43647 How ADORABLE is this?! It’s a wedding! Loving Day Retreats, a supporter of this blog and organizer for an amazing couple’s retreat to South Africa tied the knot!     Shirley and her new hubby (the masterminds behind LovingDayRetreats) are looking forward to connecting with the BB&W Crew for the upcoming event. Here are the […]

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How ADORABLE is this?!

It’s a wedding! Loving Day Retreats, a supporter of this blog and organizer for an amazing couple’s retreat to South Africa tied the knot!

 

 

Shirley and her new hubby (the masterminds behind LovingDayRetreats) are looking forward to connecting with the BB&W Crew for the upcoming event. Here are the details:

Re-connect with your loved one and join our retreat group as we partake in the rich history and diverse culture of South Africa. Enjoy a breathtaking view of the Cape from the Table Mountain Aerial Cable-way. Tour the enchanting peninsula and take a helicopter ride with the group and view the spectacular aerial views of the outer islands and land terrain. Wine lovers will enjoy partaking in our scheduled group wine tasting event. This tour also includes a two day safari at a popular game reserve where the big 5 (Elephants, Lions, Leopards, Cape Buffalo and Rhinoceros) call home.  This spectacular bucket list destination boasts of rave reviews and unforgettable memories.  Disconnect from your hectic routine, and re-connect with your love on this magical retreat.

Each Day of this spectacular trip will entail a personal activity that you and your love can privately partake in together (see itinerary for details).  Love is the key in our retreats. Designed to bring couples together in effort to focus on each other, encourage each other and enjoy your relaxing down time.  Rekindle your dreams, rekindle your love… Re-connect!

What’s included

All Lodging

All Meals and Drinks*

Winery & Vineyard Tour

Aerial Cable City Tour

Helicopter Tour

Game Safari & Lodge Stay

2 Nights at Safari Lodge

Transportation to Safari
Farewell Dinner
Black & White Dinner Gala, and Prizes
Hop-On Hop-Off Tour Pass
Tour Cape Town’s must see sights at your leisure via the Cape Town Hop-on, Hop-Off Open air bus.
Couples Activities

So what are you waiting for? A $500 deposit holds your spot! Go…go…GO!

For more information about LovingDayRetreats.com, email love@lovingdayretreats.com.

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CeCe Winan’s Daughter Getting Hitched to a Rainbeau! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/cece-winans-daughter-getting-hitched-rainbeau/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/cece-winans-daughter-getting-hitched-rainbeau/#comments Mon, 18 Sep 2017 22:58:48 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43267 Ashley Love, daughter of CeCe Winans is getting married! Obviously finding love outside of blackness isn’t a problem for her family! It’s refreshing, because the church has historically been instrumental in keeping white men and black women apart–on BOTH sides. In an article she wrote about her experience finding her husband, she said a lot […]

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Ashley Love, daughter of CeCe Winans is getting married! Obviously finding love outside of blackness isn’t a problem for her family! It’s refreshing, because the church has historically been instrumental in keeping white men and black women apart–on BOTH sides. In an article she wrote about her experience finding her husband, she said a lot of spiritual stuff like what you would expect, but there was a nugget in there that I definitely agree with: She urges men to have persistence. “You are the initiator and the one that must follow through. Don’t let intimidation or fear of rejection stop you from going after what you want. Many times, ladies are won over by a man’s persistence, confidence and decisiveness.”

When I think of all the missed opportunities non-black men have because they weren’t persistent, it makes me sad for them. Of course there’s a balance, and if a woman becomes hostile or unfriendly in her rebuffs, back off. But if she’s smiling, giggling, and dropping breadcrumbs, maybe you shouldn’t give up so easily.

 

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The Struggles Newly Engaged Interracial Couples Face http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/struggles-newly-engaged-interracial-couples-face/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/struggles-newly-engaged-interracial-couples-face/#comments Tue, 12 Sep 2017 16:31:56 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=43236 Shopping for an Engagement Ring Shopping for an engagement ring should be easy. You and your partner walk into a shop, view their collection, try stuff on, be congratulated, and walk out with a beautiful ring. Engagement rings in San Diego can be individually designed for a one-of-a-kind ring and can be purchased online if you really […]

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advice, Matthew Hussey, Jordan Harbinger, money, love, dating, relationships, career, Swirling, Swirlr,

Shopping for an Engagement Ring

Shopping for an engagement ring should be easy. You and your partner walk into a shop, view their collection, try stuff on, be congratulated, and walk out with a beautiful ring. Engagement rings in San Diego can be individually designed for a one-of-a-kind ring and can be purchased online if you really want to avoid a face-to-face interaction. However, you shouldn’t have to avoid shops because they’re rude or don’t know how to handle your relationship.

A microaggression is a subtle discrimination, and many interracial couples face this discrimination while shopping. An example of this is when someone asks where a person of color is from. The answer may be, “here” or “New York,” but the shopkeeper takes it a step further and asks, “No, where are you really from?” Although it may be unintentional, microaggressions are not okay and you shouldn’t have to deal with them.

Other things shopkeepers may say to you, but shouldn’t, include: “You’re going to make the most beautiful mixed babies,” or “You guys are so brave.” If someone speaks to you this way, don’t be afraid to correct them. If you’re nonconfrontational, then walk out. They don’t deserve your business. Sometimes, the microaggression can be a lot worse, such as when someone says, “You don’t like dating people in your own race?” If this is the case, ask for a manager or call the store later to report it. Never be afraid to call out racism and bigoted microaggressions.

The Engagement Party

You want to shout your engagement from the rooftop, and you deserve your loved ones to be proud and supportive of your relationships. Yet, some members of your family are less than thrilled.

To be clear: this is racism.

Whether it’s parental disapproval or some other family member’s judgment, their reaction is not okay. Their bigotry is unfair to you. Unfortunately, sometimes this judgment comes as a complete surprise. You may be expecting your entire family to view your engagement as a joyous occasion, and then someone ruins it with unkindness.

Basically, you’re looking at two scenarios.

1) You know who is bigoted in your family, in which case don’t invite them. If your parents (or whoever else) can’t support your relationship, they don’t belong at your pre-wedding events. If this gets them down, have a talk with them about their attitudes. If a change of heart occurs, you can invite them to the subsequent events. Sometimes, uninviting someone is the simplest way to change their attitudes. If they won’t change, then focus on those family members who do support you.

2. You didn’t realize someone was bigoted, and they show up to your engagement party and make rude comments. Or, worse, they make a huge scene. If someone is speaking rudely about race, ask a member of the wedding party to excuse them. It is especially important that partners stick up for each other. Psychology Today warns that “a white partner’s silence, or lack of affirmation, may serve to reinforce” the racism. This works both ways. Neither partner should suffer the ignorance of the other’s family, and those family members should be excused from all wedding events.

Everything Else

In a New York Times article, Katy Pitt and Rajeev Khurana recounted their post-engagement experiences. At one party, an intoxicated man asked, “So, you’re getting married? Wow! When did you realize that he wasn’t a terrorist?” No one could have blamed Katy for throwing a drink in his face, but instead, she calmly told him, “I think what you meant to say was congratulations on your recent engagement.” Suffice to say, he didn’t get an invitation to their wedding, and nor should anyone who is rude to you as a couple.

Your wedding is more than just one day. It’s a sequence of important events, including but not limited to the bridal shower, bachelorette party, bachelor party, and rehearsal dinner. During this time, you do not deserve to deal with racism, but the unfortunate truth is that you are likely to experience it in some form. This is not okay for any reason, but to successfully navigate this, you’ll need to be firm with rude and/or ignorant people.

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