Beyond Black & White http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Thu, 17 May 2018 04:22:34 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.5 How Star Jones Pink Pilled Her Wedding This Time Around http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/how-star-jones-pink-pilled-her-wedding-this-time-around/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/how-star-jones-pink-pilled-her-wedding-this-time-around/#respond Tue, 27 Mar 2018 08:34:52 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=44067 In 2004, the New York Post described Star Jones as a bridezilla who used her upcoming nuptials to Al Reynolds as a marketing and sponsorship opportunity to the highest bidder. I have a vague recollection of her then when she was at the height of her arrogance and self-centeredness on The View, and her co-stars becoming […]

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In 2004, the New York Post described Star Jones as a bridezilla who used her upcoming nuptials to Al Reynolds as a marketing and sponsorship opportunity to the highest bidder. I have a vague recollection of her then when she was at the height of her arrogance and self-centeredness on The View, and her co-stars becoming annoyed and exasperated by her endless prattling and sales pitches to venders. According to the Post, Jones tried to get sponsors for a “spa tent” for her bridal party because it was an “outstanding product placement opportunity,”Oscar-style swag bags, and free flights from Continental Airlines. One celebrity wedding planner who wished to stay anonymous said, “I’ve never heard anything as declassé as a celebrity seeking this kind of sponsorship. It’s unbelievably cheap.”

“But seriously, this kind of thing cheapens what we do and it is disrespectful to the people who are providing a service,” said Marcy Blum, a wedding planner and author of Weddings for Dummies. Seems like Jones wanted the glamorous wedding and the husband was just a nice accessory. Had she spent more time obsessing over the marriage and less on a snagging a fancy wedding for free, she might have noticed her husband was using her as his beard.

Here is a prime example of a successful and accomplished black woman who is a lawyer, author and former television personality who mingled around the top escelons of society but was too tone deaf to realize that her classlessness eventually alienated her to the point where she was left without any allies when she was ousted from The View.  Her arrogance, entitlment, and refusal to adhere to the etiquette rules and protocols for short term gain produced long-term failure, heartache, and embarrassment. Star Jones had once been a fan favorite, but her lack of decorum and humility completely empied the bank of good will she had aquired.

The Post article closes with this biting zinger: “Just a thought. Rather than the $10,500 silver tray Star requests on her Tiffany gift registry, maybe one of her best friends should buy her a copy of “Ms. Manners’ Etiquette” instead.”

Fastforward 14 years, and it looks like Star Jones has gotten a clue and a second chance at happiness. She just married Ricardo Lugo while on a cruise in the Bahamas. Judgeing from her Instagram, there seems to be no “brought to you by the Acme Company” on anything.

Star Jones and Ricardo Lugo Wedding on Royal Caribbean Anthem of the Seas.
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Photography by Maring Visuals.

They look very happy and in love. She seems to be giving off a much more relaxed energy. And this time around it appears her discretion, thoughtfulness and humility has once again endeared her in the press, because I haven’t seen one negative article about her trying to hustle sponsors for this wedding. This might be a prime opportunity for her to relaunch her stalling career if she plays her cards right.

Critics of Pink Pill (there are a few; but not many) suggest that any black woman who goes to a good school and gets into a well-paying job will acquire the “soft skills” of navigating through the greater society through osmosis. Like with this example, Star Jones had amazing success in her career, but her lack of etiquette and class minimized all the accomplishments that came before, and it has taken over a decade to climb up from that.

Psst…if you haven’t yet joined the Pink Pill, maybe you should today. We do a complete video case study in our private group. We’re doing this a lot, and trust me…you’re missing out on a lot of vital information. To enroll in the course and be admitted into the private group, click here.

Oh! And if you haven’t already, check out my new column, The Pink Pill, on Eurweb! Here’s the first installment. 

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Tinder Success? When You Know, You Know. http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/tinder-success-know-know/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/tinder-success-know-know/#comments Mon, 24 Apr 2017 05:22:41 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=42458 Last week we discovered Twyler and Travis on our new weekly feature, Five Insta Couples We’re Loving This Week. Little did I know that they have a pretty amazing story that’s definitely worth telling here. #kisses #kiss #newyears #2017 #love #happy #selfies #selfie #fiance #happy #wmbw #swirl #theswirl #couples #love #interracial #interraciallove A post shared by […]

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Last week we discovered Twyler and Travis on our new weekly feature, Five Insta Couples We’re Loving This Week. Little did I know that they have a pretty amazing story that’s definitely worth telling here.

Twyler and Travis surprisingly met on Tinder, a dating site infamous for facilitating easy “hook ups.” But hey; diamonds can be found virtually anywhere. They shared their story on an IR Facebook group.

Twyler goes on to tell me..

Also he is an ex marine and now a professional business man. We live together and getting married May 11. He is not only hot, sexy, tall, athletic, but an amazing cook, hard working, successful, loyal as hell,  and he’s romantic. I have 2 kids, one with autism and he still accepted them. He has 2 kids as well. We get them every summer. We were engaged only 10 months into dating, moved in together in his beautiful home, which is now mine as well,  at 1 year into dating. And now getting married @ 1.5 years.
He is honestly the love of my life, and vice versa. We aren’t perfect, but we are perfect for each other. We are in it to win it lol 🙂
Don’t you just LOVE it when a man knows what he wants and wastes NO time going after it? ?
We’ll be featuring this couple in our upcoming series, The Pros and Cons: Dating White Men, so make sure you sign up to our email list so you’re well apprised when we launch the docu-series. Click here to join.
Are you ready for it to be YOUR turn to find love? Check out InterracialDatingCentral, the official dating site sponsored by Beyond Black & White.

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Blended Family Success: “We Have Six Kids Between Us” http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/blended-family-success-six-kids-us/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/blended-family-success-six-kids-us/#comments Tue, 28 Feb 2017 13:05:21 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=42138 When I received these wonderful wedding photos from a fan, I had so many questions. How did they meet? Who were those kids? What’s the story?         Steve’s Story: I have had four long relationships before meeting Maggie. Each one I convinced myself that I loved them. I was so desperate for […]

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When I received these wonderful wedding photos from a fan, I had so many questions. How did they meet? Who were those kids? What’s the story?

 

 

 

 

Steve’s Story:

I have had four long relationships before meeting Maggie. Each one I convinced myself that I loved them. I was so desperate for what most of us want– someone to love and someone to love us, that I lied to myself that I loved them and I really believed that I did. I knew what love was, and what it is to love someone, but I learned when I met Maggie that love was something that I had never felt before. Maggie was my first love.

We met and there was an instant attraction, but I didn’t want to love again and I was so confused about where I was going wrong and what had failed in the past that I pushed it to one side. Until one morning I lay asleep at her sister’s house where me and a few friends stayed for the night after celebrating a birthday. It was time for me to get up and go to work. I had been working 16-18 hour days and no one could wake me.  They tried shaking me awake but couldn’t wake me until Maggie came to the door and called my name softly and I sat straight up and looked at her. She walked over and sat beside me and asked if I was OK and told me that she was worried about me and I need to slow down with work.  I reached up and put my arms around her and she held me so tight and I was overwhelmed with love and fear at the same time.  Don’t ask me how or why I can’t explain it. But that moment took my breath away. I was overwhelmed with love followed by fear. I was so scared to let her go and afriad that I would never get to hold her again or that I would never feel this feeling of love again. We looked at each other and both started to cry. The rest is history and I’m here today because of her.

Please don’t lie to yourself when you meet the guy/girl you are meant to be with. You will know without doubt or question you will know and thank God everyday for her because until Maggie came into my life I had no faith. I truly believe that only God could do this. I truly believe God sent Maggie to save me.  I am who I am only because of her. She made my life happy ,warm, loving and full. She pulled me out of the darkest,a and into the brightest of lights . She wrapped me up with her love me and my boys. She protects us all, keeps us safe she is the light the shield and the sword our protector , Maggie’s love binds us; she is our angel, who has filled our lives with love hope and joy she is a gift from God, and we all love her so much.  She has made me a better person and better father. She loves me for who I am not what I was, not what I will become, not for what I have, but just me.

She is the strongest person I have ever met. My children, all three boys, adore her. She took my hand and walked me straight into God’s love and showed me that throughout my life, when I was at my lowest,when my greatest fears where upon me and I would cry out, please God help me. Please God save my child, and he answered and saved my child and helped me when I needed him. Even though I didn’t have faith, even though when he answered me in my most desperate times. I didn’t see it I didn’t remember that it was God, that I asked for and God answered me. Instead just believing everything worked out just because. She made me see that God has always been there, always loved me even thought I didn’t pray to him, even thought I didn’t worship him or to be honest, didn’t allow myself to believe. Maybe I was afraid, I don’t know. But I believe that everything that I have been though,every bad direction or path I have taken, the years of painful hurtfull relationships was God preparing me, teaching me, guiding me to the point in my life where I was ready to meet Maggie,so I would not make the mistakes and be worthy of the love, from one of his angels and for that I will be eternally grateful and humbled by his love and faith in me.

Such a sweet story, and proof that a black woman with kids can indeed, marry and be in a happily blended family. Steve and Maggie met through friends, and that’s an oldie-but-goodie way to meet “warm leads.” However that should only be one hammer in your tool kit. To reach the maximum amount of men and thus have the ability to have the most comprehensive choices, online is a good back up. InterracialDatingCentral.com is our recommended site.

Pssst! Have you heard about our four-hour series highlighting interviews and insights on black women dating and married to Asian men? Check it out here.

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How to Do an Interracial Marriage Culture Merge http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/interracial-marriage-culture-merge/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/interracial-marriage-culture-merge/#comments Thu, 08 Dec 2016 15:51:07 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=41705 Interracial couplings are at the highest in American history with new Census data reporting that 1 in 10 married couples are mixed. People are merging race, culture and religion to create a fusion of something different and new. But when it comes to the point where marriage–and particularly the wedding ceremony–is seriously discussed, that fusion […]

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Interracial couplings are at the highest in American history with new Census data reporting that 1 in 10 married couples are mixed. People are merging race, culture and religion to create a fusion of something different and new. But when it comes to the point where marriage–and particularly the wedding ceremony–is seriously discussed, that fusion can quickly become a culture clash as parents and other family members protest and lobby for their particular traditions to be honored during the festivities.

The stressful part interracial and intercultural weddings is often the family, says Kristin Koch, senior editor of WeddingChannel.com. Parents often feel like they are losing their child to someone else and deviating from religion or culture and that can feel like a rejection.

That’s why I love how my friends Danny and Nimi integrated a traditional American wedding with a traditional Nigerian after party.

Take a look!

https://youtu.be/pPPfu3gJkvY

 

What ways have you integrated your separate cultural traditions in your relationship, wedding and family?

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Swirlers Here to Stay: “Absolute Rise” in Interracial Relationships, Data Confirms http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/swirlers-stay-absolute-rise-interracial-relationships-data-confirms/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/swirlers-stay-absolute-rise-interracial-relationships-data-confirms/#comments Sat, 03 Sep 2016 00:58:35 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=41065 A recent article reflects what we here at Beyond Black & White already knew–there is an “absolute rise” in interracial marriages in the United States since 1980. But is it because we’ve realized the dream? Have we all overcome? Not necessarily, according to an article published in PriceEconomics called, Why Is Interracial Marriage on the Rise? Results […]

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interracial-marriage-the-real-winner-in-supreme-court-marriage-equality

A recent article reflects what we here at Beyond Black & White already knew–there is an “absolute rise” in interracial marriages in the United States since 1980.

But is it because we’ve realized the dream? Have we all overcome? Not necessarily, according to an article published in PriceEconomics called, Why Is Interracial Marriage on the Rise? Results suggest that the trends aren’t necessarily because we’ve become so liberal. The rise in interracial pairings are attributed more to demographics and proximity. In other words, the less segregated and diversified a place the more likelihood of interracial marriage.

Our examination of the data suggests that the increasing rate of intermarriage may be driven by demographic changes more than changing attitudes. Today, there are proportionately more Asians, Hispanics and people of other racial/ethnic backgrounds in the United States than ever. These racial/ethnic groups have always been unusually likely to intermarry. There are also fewer White people – the group that has always been least likely to intermarry. 

Once these demographic changes are accounted for, a large portion of the increase in intermarriage rates vanishes. More accepting professed beliefs do not seem to be the main cause of the rise in the number interracial couples.

Surprisingly, while black and white interracial marriages are going up, there’s somewhat of a decline in such marriages with Asians and Hispanics.

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LOL…looks like black folks are REALLY doing the interracial marriage thing. Note the change between 2010 and 2015…kind of around the time Yours Truly came on the scene…ahahahah…now I see why they hate me!

We’ve also speculated the states that have the highest rates of interracial marriage according to state, and here it is. The results might be a bit surprising.

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Check out my take on all of it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSkgYnoaE6E

 

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Love It! Gorgeous Couple Ties the Knot! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/love-gorgeous-couple-ties-knot/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/love-gorgeous-couple-ties-knot/#comments Thu, 09 Jun 2016 06:03:44 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=40476 On the eve of Loving Day. Check out the love story of Leah De Shay and her husband, Thomas Drexler: My name is Leah De Shay; my husband Thomas Friedrich Drexler and I eloped in Germany during Christmas of 2014 and recently celebrated our union with a religious ceremony exchanging vows in Southern California this […]

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On the eve of Loving Day. Check out the love story of Leah De Shay and her husband, Thomas Drexler:

My name is Leah De Shay; my husband Thomas Friedrich Drexler and I eloped in Germany during Christmas of 2014 and recently celebrated our union with a religious ceremony exchanging vows in Southern California this past April.

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When Christelyn posted our Elopemoon from Germany, my husband was working full-time in management, finishing his degree, and I was slowly growing and moving my private practice and eagerly beginning our first pregnancy…little did we know how much would change since then. Tommy and I met in the church of one of our mutual best friends- the senior pastor in fact- and when our ex spouses who each lasted little over a year made some unexpected erratic and ominous life choices, that pastor and friend was instrumental not only in keeping our faith and community strong for us and our kids, but encouraging us to deepen our own spiritual journeys and eventually friendships when both those partners dramatically departed (apparently unrelated but strangly simultaneously).

customized wine glasses

Depsite how devastating each of our short but dramatic (and admittedly far too naive) experiences were, as we recovered socially and personally in our lives it became clear that the wonderful friendship we had had for what is now a decade was more promising and redeeming than either of us could have ever hoped for.

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We dated for a couple months, formally courted for 6 and after spending time in the EU where he was born and his family hails from he asked to spend the rest of me and we quietly and joyfully started our lives. Full of hope and renewal, we came back to his mothers home dilapidated due to her loss of life quality and ability to care completely for her affairs; we mobilized with the family and shifted our lives around to help care for her. Unfortunately Tom’s corportation lost a lawsuit right as we moved to take guardianship of his mothers needs and we found ourselves in a circumstance as two successful and educated adults that we could have never known about a year before we decide to join our lives… And there was never a time I was more grateful for the foundation of our decade of friendship then in that circumstance.

PUR The Complexity Authority

Luckily prior to corporate management Tom had run a successful and lucrative business in auto body for many years, and while fixing his mothers home back up to functioning, helped me quickly bring my private practice up to par and I was able to merge and get on board with a partnering group of practioners…thanks to his help, quick thinking and encouragement it proved to be the best and most lucrative business move of my life.

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Things are still hard as life is; he is finishing up education and his license while caring for his mother (for whom it is best since my German will never be as good as his is for her) while caring for our daughters and helping manage the mundane requirements of the practice…I’m much more independent at it all now but in the beginning I would have never made it without him. Our baby souvenir from our eloping is 9 months old, and has her dads beautiful blue eyes- a surprise that only God would have known about. We are both looking forward to him finishing what has been a long journey to his full certification and credentialing in his feild, and in the meantime I am living out my dream as a mother and clinical practioner while expanding to administration and advocacy thanks to his unwavering support.

www.sugarloomcosmetics.com

Despite the fact that this is not what we planned, we have made the most of it, and we continue to find our blessings where we can and enjoy every one of them. Besides continuing to and meeting our career goals and raising our kids, we work daily to make my mother in laws life quality now as high as it can be for as long as we are able, and fostering as deep of a pleasant memory as we can of her and the kids along the way.

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We had a videographer who made a movie short of our wedding, and as a gift my cousins fiancé, an excellent photographer did this bridal shoot afterwards to commemorate our families journey at this time. We have the privilege of his family- all his siblings and mother- and my family- my parents and brothers especially- for their support and encouragement not only in this unexpected situation and transition but throughout our relationship. It has been instrumental in our success and maintaining a haven for our girls.”

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All I have to say is love is not easy, but it is SO worth it. No matter what happens to you, do not take the negativity of the past into the future with you. Learn from your mistakes, and become the person you would desire in a partner; make your own happiness every day, so that when you find a worthy mate, all you all have to do is share your happiness with each other- then no matter what happens in your lives, your commitment survives because of your character. Be blessed, swirl nation! Wonderful summer, and wishing love, resilience and prosperity upon you all.

Have a story you’d like to share? Email us! Christelyn@BeyondBlackWhite.com

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