Beyond Black & White » Question of the Week http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Fri, 27 Mar 2015 05:06:26 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.1 QOTW: Featuring ‘Maxi Me,’ Discussing High School Love and Racial Preferences http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-featuring-maxi-me-discussing-high-school-love-and-racial-preferences/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-featuring-maxi-me-discussing-high-school-love-and-racial-preferences/#comments Fri, 27 Mar 2015 04:18:52 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36636 Brought in heavy reinforcements on this! Here’s the question: “I’m 16 years old and I’ve never even had a boyfriend before, sometimes I am content, but most of the time I am very lonely, the thing is, is that I have always been attracted to boys of other races, I have never been attracted to […]

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Brought in heavy reinforcements on this! Here’s the question:

“I’m 16 years old and I’ve never even had a boyfriend before, sometimes I am content, but most of the time I am very lonely, the thing is, is that I have always been attracted to boys of other races, I have never been attracted to black boys before. I feel like there is something wrong with me. I also feel like I am not good enough for boys of other races, as if they look at me and say “ew, look at that black girl.” and I am the excact opposite of the “ghetto” stereotype. Recently I admitted my feelings to my crush (who is chinese) and I asked if we could hang out to which he declined (because he is “too lazy”) and I can’t help but wonder if it is because I am black, I mean, We have each others numbers and we are friends on facebook. I just kind of feel confused…Will I ever find someone who likes me for me?? “

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Listening to Maxi’s response was especially illuminating to me. I knew that she leaned toward a certain racial preference, but I never really pressed it. In fact, there was a certain friend of hers, who is black and a basketball player who passed parental screening and I was trying to push it hard, but Maxi wasn’t having it. He’s her “Call of Duty” video game buddy, and not much else. What I respected was her candid observation of the racism she encounters…which is hard for a parent to hear…but you know that you are powerless to inoculate. All in all, I’m proud of their take on this.

High school is a strange place, is it not?

Mods…please put the comments on pre approved status, please. This will be a no-troll zone. This is the first time Maxi has agreed to be filmed…EVER. She did so to provide comfort and understanding to the letter writer.

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QOTW: “Should I Continue Dating Someone Who Might Be Racist?” http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-should-i-continue-dating-someone-who-might-be-racist/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-should-i-continue-dating-someone-who-might-be-racist/#comments Mon, 16 Mar 2015 15:39:04 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36523 From Alexa: Christelyn, I’ve been following your page for quite some time and I was wondering if you could give me some insight on how to overcome the racial divide that seemingly happens in interracial relationships. My boyfriend is white, and while he understands racism exists, not only does it seem he is not concerned […]

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Cartoon for QOTW

From Alexa:

Christelyn, I’ve been following your page for quite some time and I was wondering if you could give me some insight on how to overcome the racial divide that seemingly happens in interracial relationships. My boyfriend is white, and while he understands racism exists, not only does it seem he is not concerned but he partially takes part in it (which he conveyed by saying he doesn’t think a Black Man should be President, just because it’s wrong. He seems to be prejudiced towards black men in general.) How do I overcome this to show him the world I grew up in, and ultimately the world my children will grow up in? Or is there no hope for a man who shows no interest in knowing or sympathizing? If you have the time to reply, I’d really appreciate it.

 

 

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QOTW: Interracial Dating in an Asian Country http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-interracial-dating-asian-country/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-interracial-dating-asian-country/#comments Thu, 19 Feb 2015 23:26:08 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36200 Got this note a while back… “hi- i luv your work on implementing interracial relationships i am an international student, an african living in malaysia studying law,i am not on the slim size but i have an hourglass figure not obessed OR FAT but medium or size 12- i am pure african not mixed but light […]

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Got this note a while back…

“hi- i luv your work on implementing interracial relationships i am an international student, an african living in malaysia studying law,i am not on the slim size but i have an hourglass figure not obessed OR FAT but medium or size 12- i am pure african not mixed but light in complexion – not bragging am realy pretty – i get compliments on the road cause of my beauty&alot of black guys ask me out – the issue i have with dating interracial is i dont even know where to meet the guys i go to nice areas ,shopping malls but none of them approach me,. and the arab guys & asian guys who come close as friends or just being nice are total perverts -all of them want to have sex with me-actually i have no interest in them- the white guys i hAvE seen or met just stare – i dont know if its a racist stare or shes cute but no go area – and more so am kind of like the shy type and am not used to being the chaser but being chased as i once considered stopping 1 of them & talking to them but that would be weird please i deeply need your advice THANK YOU IN ADVANCE.”

Here’s my take…

Another idea I didn’t suggest in the video is for this young lady to go to areas where ex-pats hang out such as bars, coffee shops, etc.

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QOTW: Twenty-Something I.T. Girl’s Swirling Woes in New York http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-twenty-something-t-girls-swirling-woes-new-york/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-twenty-something-t-girls-swirling-woes-new-york/#comments Tue, 20 Jan 2015 05:16:07 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=35753 Got this message today from a fan… Here is my question for you and your readers. I am a 22 black female from the suburbs of New York who just graduated college and it working full time in the IT field. I have been trying to find a serious relationship for the past few years […]

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Got this message today from a fan…

Here is my question for you and your readers. I am a 22 black female from the suburbs of New York who just graduated college and it working full time in the IT field. I have been trying to find a serious relationship for the past few years with white men but all of them have gotten to the point of no where. I have tried online dating like pof and even match.com but most of the guys have all wanted to have one night stands or a friends with benefits even though it clearly stated on their profile they were looking for a relationships. I am often told that I should just have “fun” and not think of having a monogamous relationship. I was not raised that way. I was always told that if he’s not willing to make you his gf then why even bother sharing your body with a man who doesn’t see your worth. Due to my constant failure, I’m beginning to wonder if I should plan to leave NY or maybe there’s something wrong with me. I do not present myself in sexual manner to these men but they all seem to just go straight to sex regardless. What I am wondering if to any of your reader who are men and women in NY, how do they and where do they go to potentially meet someone?

Here’s my take…

 

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Young Girl Needs Our Guidance: 15 Year-Old-Girl, Only Interested in Men 26-50. http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/young-girl-needs-guidance-15-year-old-girl-interested-men-26-50/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/young-girl-needs-guidance-15-year-old-girl-interested-men-26-50/#comments Thu, 16 Oct 2014 21:13:51 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=34020 Got this note from a girl last night… Hi Christelyn, My name is “Sammy” (not her real name). I recently subscribed to your channel. Im a 15 yr old black female. I do consider myself very bright and outgoing. I take challenging ap and dual enrollment classes. I mostly take interest older white men.(typically 26-50) […]

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Got this note from a girl last night…

Hi Christelyn, My name is “Sammy” (not her real name). I recently subscribed to your channel. Im a 15 yr old black female. I do consider myself very bright and outgoing. I take challenging ap and dual enrollment classes. I mostly take interest older white men.(typically 26-50) Yes MEN. Not that I dont like boys my age, I just have a strong attraction towards older men. Instead of gazing at the boys, im drooling over the teachers. I do have a father in my life, although growing up, Its been more than clear that my mother has done most of the work in our lives. Buying clothes, paying bills, and food. We never really had a typical father daughter relationship depicted in tv land. Our relationship is just there. I do seem to like boys my age but they dont seem interested it black girls, they seem to just make a mockery of us and our culture. (Using culture in the context of a way of living.) So just seeing all of that, Ive become numb to dating or liking guys my age and have sticked to lusting over older men. Is there something wrong with this? Please get back to me.

Portrait  of happy youngs african american teenage girl

This letter is disturbing to me on several levels, Sammy. I have a daughter who is almost 17 years-old, and while she is mature and poised for her age, I would never accept her seeing a grown man in his twenties, let alone his fifties! He’d be under the jail if he was still drawing breath. Listen honey, I know you probably think you’re an “old soul” and seem to be more attracted and can relate to older men, but that’s a false reality in which I’ll explain in a moment.

At 15, you’ve just begun your path to adulthood. You’re still in puberty and your brain is not fully developed. You are not yet a fully actualized person that knows the world or has experienced many events that a man of 26+ has already done. What is more, any quality man from 26-50 will never touch you. It could mean jail time, a wrap sheet as a sex offender, and a loss of livelihood. I would go so far to say that any older man interested in you with full knowledge of your age will be a danger to you.

Now is the time for me to shrink your head. You mention that your father is around, but is very disconnected from you–almost as if he’s not there at all. I suspect your desire for older men is your mind’s way of reconciling and healing your hurt over your father not being fully plugged into your life.

Now when you’re of age (over 18) you can legally date any man in the age range you prefer, but even then, chances are the a man who seeks out a girl a decade or more younger than her in the crucial early years of adulthood may have problems relating to women his own age, because of some deficit in his character or maturity level.

You also need to get some healing. Your heart is hungry of the warm and love of a father, and many girls in your situation are willing to swap a sexual relationship with a man to achieve that end, even for a fleeting moment. It’s very important that you talk to someone in your circle you can trust. Doesn’t have to be your mom, but perhaps a trusted adult, like a teacher, aunt, or family friend. Whatever you do, don’t keep this to yourself. But I don’t want you to be in the position for being attacked for your feelings. You are completely innocent, and just trying to figure this life thing out.

Be well, and know this community is concerned about you.

Sincerely,

Chris

—–

Okay, so I’m opening up the gates to the wise men and women of BB&W. Any advice for this young girl?

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QOTW: “Why Are Black Women So Hesitant to Date and Marry Non-Black Men?” http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-black-women-hesitant-date-marry-non-black-men/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/qotw-black-women-hesitant-date-marry-non-black-men/#comments Wed, 15 Oct 2014 04:14:41 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=33977 The Question: ” Christelyn Karazin, I seriously think you should do a segment on why black women until recently where so hesitant to date and marry non-black men. I think this would get the message out there that black women are open to IRR and marriages and it would also give the white men and […]

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The Question: ”
Christelyn Karazin, I seriously think you should do a segment on why black women until recently where so hesitant to date and marry non-black men. I think this would get the message out there that black women are open to IRR and marriages and it would also give the white men and other non-black men a better understanding of why there has been this extreme loyalty among black women to black men regardless of the situation. There are still way too many white men who don’t think that black women are an option for them when it comes to dating and romance, all due to the NBABM (Nothing But a Black Man) stigma.”

He asked, I answered…

interracial couple

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