Beyond Black & White » BB&W Exclusive http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Tue, 16 Sep 2014 13:43:44 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.0 Dear “Nuttin’ Butta Brotha Women”: An Open Letter http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/dear-nuttin-butta-brotha-women-open-letter/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/dear-nuttin-butta-brotha-women-open-letter/#comments Mon, 23 Dec 2013 18:17:16 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=27317   Dear “Nothing But A Brother” and “I Don’t Date White Guys” black women, How do you feel? Is your holiday season all you’d hope it would be? Are you with your special significant other? If so, congrats. If not…Well, I’ve got some not so good news for you. And it comes by way of […]

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Dear “Nothing But A Brother” and “I Don’t Date White Guys” black women,

How do you feel? Is your holiday season all you’d hope it would be? Are you with your special significant other?

If so, congrats. If not…Well, I’ve got some not so good news for you. And it comes by way of Mr. “IBM” himself. We get all kinds on these boards. Which is funny, because the women here are pretty much not interested in dating black men. We have options and we exercise them on the regular. This is routinely encouraged: We don’t tell black women they can or should only date a man according to his race or ethnicity. So the women here are not limited to any specific kind of man in the global village. And black men are noticing this.

Take a look at this PARTICULAR comment from “Mr. Professional Black Man”:

Now I am a black man… I don’t date white women... its not that I am racist… I can’t be racist because I can’t stop white people from doing anything… I think all women are beautiful including white women… its strictly a matter of preference. I would love to be able to attact a women who was kind or raised like how I was… with options... went to school and is preferably doing the corporate thing because I know she’s got money and she is independent.

How many of you single black women are sitting at home right now thinking, “I do the corporate thing, I have my own money and I’m very independent! Why don’t black men like this look at me?”

Well the answer is right there: This black man is not checking for black women who ONLY want black men. Nope: HE WANTS A BLACK WOMAN WHO HAS OPTIONS.

While you were sleeping, the bar was raised. We know this because we continue to hear from black men like this in pro-interracial dating spaces aimed at black women. They are over here, up in our business, trying to get with women who ARE NOT CHECKING FOR THEM. Why? Because if non-black men think a woman is attractive, then clearly it must be so (I will touch on that WTFery in another post, I promise)? Possibly, but there’s also the fact that professional, educated black women who are going places in life and aren’t looking for a specific race of man don’t scream DESPERATE”.

Of course, these men are puzzled at how to approach such women, since verbal abuse and emotional manipulation doesn’t work. What these men are going to have to do if they want “black women with options” is compete. But, they don’t want to do that.

And that’s where YOU ladies come in.

This is a golden opportunity for you to get the sort of black man you want, since you have been going about it the wrong way for so long.

What you ladies need to do is OPEN UP YOUR OPTIONS. That’s right: Instead of letting everyone who will hear you know, “I’m down for the brothas, nobody else need apply”, maybe you could instead say, “You know what? I’m an attractive educated woman, and I see no reason to limit my dating options.”

If all the black women in America started saying this, you would find things would go a lot differently for those of you who can’t figure out where your next black man is coming from or even where to find one.

He’d find YOU. And then if you wanted to get married, guess what? He’d do that, too. He’d have to, or risk losing out to the Irish, Italian, German, Latino, Korean, etc. men who have no issues with marrying a woman before impregnating her or who don’t see a pregnant woman and child and something to abandon as quickly as possible.

Rather than demand you be there with your two jobs and car to take care of him “as an independent black woman is supposed to”, he would have to go to college, work hard and present to you a lifestyle that could keep up with your needs and the needs of any children you might have. Rather than the onus of “caring for brothas” being placed on black women, black men will have to MAN UP and take care of themselves, learn how to treat and respect women that they want, and actually court black women.

All Because Black Women Stopped Going On About How They Don’t Exercise Their Options.

Now, I’m just throwing you a bone. You don’t have to do any of this. But I figure I’d give you a head’s up in case you were wondering why all your open letters to black men and blogs about why you won’t date interracial was falling on seemingly deaf ears. Why despite black women being unable to shut up about how they only will ever want a black man, there is no stampede of brothers to their door steps with flowers in hand.

And why all the black men you want so bad are over here, bothering black women that will never be interested in them at all, or certainly interested in limiting themselves to just black men.

At some point, you need to connect the dots and realize that one group is more attractive than the other and why you’re not as attractive despite all the love and loyalty in your heart.

 

It’s not because you aren’t raising enough of a ruckus about “black love” and “supporting black men”. THEY HEAR YOU LADIES, THEY JUST DON’T CARE. They don’t care because you are immobile. They know they can go after whoever they want, including us women not checking for them – because they know you will be there if they want to come through. They know you will welcome them with open arms and a freaking parade no matter what they say or do. You are perennially available and refuse to exercise your options by dating according to things other than skin color. Loss of you is impossible, so your relevance is non-existent.

No matter HOW LOUDLY you holler about black men, this will not change. Want change in the New Year? Start hollering about Swedes and see what happens.

XOXO

 

– Toni

 

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Tis the Season to Give: The Naughty or Nice Adult Toy Giveaway http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/tis-season-give-naughty-nice-adult-toy-giveaway/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/tis-season-give-naughty-nice-adult-toy-giveaway/#comments Wed, 04 Dec 2013 14:57:27 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=26962 Baby, it’s cold outside, so what’s a girl to do to keep warm!? Well, as with anything else, you’ve got options, baby. You could always turn up the thermostat to keep warm or you could call up a human of your choice to spoon for that good ‘ol fashion body heat. Or you could make […]

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naughtyBaby, it’s cold outside, so what’s a girl to do to keep warm!? Well, as with anything else, you’ve got options, baby. You could always turn up the thermostat to keep warm or you could call up a human of your choice to spoon for that good ‘ol fashion body heat. Or you could make use of your ‘other’ boyfriend that bumps around in your sock drawer when he’s not needed, you know…..B.O.B. Who is B.O.B., you ask? The battery operated boyfriend that many, many folks deny spending quality time with.

We’ve already had this conversation here and so I know there are many of you (harlots) with an arsenal of feel good adult toys in your possession.You folks posted pictures and gave referrals of where to cop the latest and greatest in bedroom accessories.

adult sex toys, masterbations, dating, black women, couples, contest, Adam and Eve, social media, Twitter, NaughtyorNice

I blushed and backed out the conversation and left you all to it (I’ve got my eye on several of you *cough*)

Others among you may have a human sex toy at your disposal and may not want to make regular boyfriend intimidated by the intrusion of a battery operated boyfriend or a glow in the dark cock ring.

And it’s true, there are some men that are scared to death that you will enjoy your sex toys more than you do his efforts at pleasing you, but what these guys fail to understand is that sex toys can be shared (not like that, unless, you like that, but that’s not what I meant) and used to enhance both his pleasure and yours.

Toys can be even more valuable to the relationship if you do find that his efforts at pleasing you in bed have less than stellar results. I can help you have that conversation with him too, but not right now, honey.

If you find that your man is worried that you’ll trade in his space in your universe to instead run off into the sunset with a bag of AAA batteries then maybe you should ask him to read this article, written by my good friend and fellow blogger Jason Francis ‘The Social Media Samurai“, that explains the amount of couples that share the joys of sex toys.

If he’s still not convinced by this article then a trip to a therapist may be needed, for either you or him, because his unwillingness to negotiate sexual space is an indicator that more is going on than just his fear of torpedo shaped objects. A lover who is not interested in listening to your needs when it comes to your needs is stupid, and selfish, and did I mention, stupid?

sex, sexuality, masterbation, contest, Social Media Samaraui, Jason Francis, Tracy Renee Jones, contest, readers, Twitter, NaughtyorNice, holiday, give away, Adam and Eve, black women, bedroom,

There are also those of you that may have been feeling a little apprehensive about owning your current personal pleasure devices. You wonder if you are the only one who maxed out their credit card by purchasing the Hoshitashi Luxe 4400 series jiggling finger tip extender.

You may fear that your roommate may wander into the bathroom without her contact lenses in and accidently pick up your bottle of Organic Love Lotion hidden under the bathroom sink and use it for hair gel.

There are a million things to fear when it comes to sex, privacy and the potential for those embarrassing moments but discretion is key so I’ve got a solution for you.

I’ve teamed up with The Social Media Samurai to offer one lucky reader the chance to add to (or start) their adult toy collection by winning a surprise gift from Adam & Eve.

There are no worries, since your gift will arrive in a discreet package, and since you didn’t really purchase it for yourself, you can alleviate the guilt, and also have an alibi that doesn’t include lies and scandal.

adam and eve, vibrator, sex toy, contest, Social Media Samurai, Jason Francis, Christmas, giveaway, contest, sexuality,  Tracy Renee Jones,

Here’s how you get the mailman to drop you off a package from, er….Grandma, by doing the following:

Follow me @tracyreneejones on Twitter

Follow @Trueomeganexus on Twitter

Use the hashtag #NaughtorNice so we can see you.

Now I must warn you, once you get the box of fun times, you’re on your own from there.

Everything ain’t for everybody, ya’ know.

And what they say about growing hair on your palms isn’t true, so stop having cold feet and instead enjoy those hot and heavy moments alone, or with a friend. *wink*

Until next time,

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BB&W’s First Annual “Sexiest Woman of the Year” Nominations! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/bbws-first-annual-sexiest-woman-year-nominations/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/bbws-first-annual-sexiest-woman-year-nominations/#comments Thu, 28 Nov 2013 17:54:17 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=26911 Some of us at BB&W got so caught up in our fun (and yes, we are having LOTS of fun), that we left you fellas out in the cold. So to coincide with our “Sexiest Man” nominations, we’re also putting together a post for male BBW members to nominate the women they find to be […]

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Some of us at BB&W got so caught up in our fun (and yes, we are having LOTS of fun), that we left you fellas out in the cold. So to coincide with our “Sexiest Man” nominations, we’re also putting together a post for male BBW members to nominate the women they find to be sexy. :)

I really love all the beautiful black models coming up at the moment, such as Lyndsey Scott:

 


 

 

though I imagine you guys have a wide variety of ladies in mind. :D

Nominate away.

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Introducing “Fables for Thrivers”: The Caged Bird and the Free Bird http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/introducing-fables-thrivers-caged-bird-free-bird/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/introducing-fables-thrivers-caged-bird-free-bird/#comments Tue, 15 Oct 2013 02:50:12 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=25851 The Caged Bird and the Free Bird Once upon a time, there was a caged bird who would get weekly visits from a free bird. The free bird would fly far and wide. When it was done with its travels, the free bird would come back and tell the caged bird all about the world […]

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The Caged Bird and the Free Bird

Once upon a time, there was a caged bird who would get weekly visits from a free bird. The free bird would fly far and wide. When it was done with its travels, the free bird would come back and tell the caged bird all about the world and its experiences. For awhile, the caged bird was content with these visits. However, one sunny day the caged bird thought, ‘I want to go and see all these marvelous things for myself!’ When the free bird came back again, the cage bird said, “I had the most wonderful idea when you were away! I was thinking that you could let me out. Then I could fly away! Wouldn’t it be great? I would be free, and you wouldn’t have to come here and tell me about the world. I would see it for myself.” The free bird hesitated for a moment, appearing startled. Then it said, “Well, that sounds nice. But if you leave, who will I come visit?

You don’t understand how great it is to be able to rest after all my travels. And it’s so good to talk to you about what I see. No one else out there understands me.” “I’d understand you better if we were both free.” “Oh, but I’m not free,” laughed the free bird, “not exactly. You see, caged bird, there are so many dangers I have to constantly flee from. There are hunters, foxes, and bigger birds that would love to eat me. I don’t tell you about these dreadful things because I don’t wish to frighten you.” The cage bird felt mildly indignant. “Even if there are hunters, foxes, and bigger birds as you say, what makes you think I couldn’t avoid them? After all, you seem to be able to. Clearly there must be a way to stay safe while being free.” The free bird insisted that it knew the world better and that a caged bird wouldn’t know what to do with itself. “Let’s just keep things the way they are,” the free bird said in a sympathetic tone before flying away.

But this did not ease the mind or heart of the caged bird. Each time the free bird visited, the caged bird would plead with it to open its cage door so that it could fly away. And each time the free bird would refuse. Eventually the caged bird and free bird began to resent each other. The caged bird couldn’t understand why the free bird wouldn’t help it. After all, weren’t they both birds? The free bird couldn’t understand why the caged bird didn’t enjoy its stories anymore. Why couldn’t it just be happy with the way things were?   The day soon came where the caged bird decided it’d had enough of the free bird. When the free bird came again, the caged bird said, “Turn right around and fly away! I don’t want to hear your stories, anymore. I don’t want to see your trinkets. If you’re not letting me out of my cage, it means you’re not my friend!”

The free bird was indignant. “I am your friend! What kind of friend would I be if I let you go off into a world I know is dangerous because I’ve been in it? I can’t believe how ridiculous you’re being! I remember when you used to be so happy to see me, so supportive of my endeavors. Well, I see now what kind of friend you are!” The free bird then declared it would not come again until the caged bird got all “the ludicrous notions” of leaving its cage out of its head.

Before long, the caged bird began to panic. As the weeks passed without any sign of the free bird, it began to wonder if it had been too harsh. What if free bird wasn’t coming back at all? What if it was going to be left all alone forever? From that moment onwards, the caged bird began to sing a sad song all day long.

One afternoon while the caged bird was in the midst of singing about its woes, it heard a gentle thump on the windowsill. It turned, expecting to find the free bird. Instead, it saw the house cat. After a minute or so of glaring at the caged bird, the cat declared, “I have grown tired of listening to your ghastly squawking all day and night, so I am going to tell you something.” Leaning in closer to the cage, the cat said, “The door has been open this entire time. All you had to do was push it hard enough and you could have gotten out whenever you wanted.” The caged bird couldn’t believe it. “How would you even know something like that?” “Well,” drawled the cat, “it’s none of my business, but I heard some birds laughing about it in a tree some time ago. One of them said they thought it was the most hilarious thing to tell you anything they wanted to about the world and that you would believe it. All because you didn’t have enough sense to go and find out for yourself.”

The caged bird sat there dumbstruck. Then, after thinking about it a moment, decided to test what the cat had said. It pushed at the cage door, which at first didn’t move. But as the bird persisted, to the its amazement, it felt the rusty old thing give way and open.   Instead of simply flying away, the bird backed to the far end of the cage. It was afraid.   “How can I even trust you?” The little bird trembled. “You’re the cat! Free bird has told me stories about you!” The cat grinned. “Did free bird also tell you that you could have left this cage whenever you wanted?” The bird didn’t answer. After a few moments, it began to move cautiously towards the cage’s open door. It came to just in front of the opening and hesitated.

“What if,” it said, “I get out of this cage and you eat me?” The cat yawned. “Maybe I will or maybe I won’t. If you stay in that cage, you won’t know one way or the other.” The little bird braced itself and then with a hop, leapt from the cage. A few seconds later, it spread its wings and flew toward the setting Sun.   The cat watched it go before settling in for the most peaceful sleep to be had in some time.

The End

  Moral: It is better to be free of your own accord than allow anyone to be free on your behalf. For some can only truly enjoy their freedom if others cannot.   ***** Thanks for reading. I hope to make this a weekly feature. :)

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BB&W Exclusive Interview with International Hottie, Ken Duken! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/bbw-exclusive-interview-international-hottie-ken-duken/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/bbw-exclusive-interview-international-hottie-ken-duken/#comments Tue, 08 Oct 2013 14:02:56 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=25936 I got a chance to catch up with German-made hotness, actor Ken Duken, co-star of “My Last Day Without You.” You might also remember him in Inglourious Basterds. He’s inSouth Africa gearing up for his next movie, but we were able to chat briefly about his role as “Niklas,” Nicole Beharie’s romantic interest. Remember ladies, […]

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I got a chance to catch up with German-made hotness, actor Ken Duken, co-star of “My Last Day Without You.” You might also remember him in Inglourious Basterds. He’s inSouth Africa gearing up for his next movie, but we were able to chat briefly about his role as “Niklas,” Nicole Beharie’s romantic interest. Remember ladies, he’s German, so the tranlation is a bit choppy, but I personally find it deliciously endearing.

//BB&W: What was it about the script of “My Last Day Without You” that moved you enough to participate?

//Duken: I choose mostly from the gut and go on instinct. I liked the script very much, I love New York, and very rarely actually turn this genre, so for someone who likes to reinvent himself and tried was the foundation already ideal. After I had, but met with director Stefan Schaefer in Berlin for me there was no more reason not to turn.

//BB&W: In the movie, you play Niklas, a German business man who crunches numbers. Your lineage is German, but does the commonality between you and your character stop there, or are there any similarities?

//Duken: I wish I could handle so good with numbers … no really there is no other parallels. I’m more of a definitive gut instinct.

//BB&W: Niklas and Leticia come from different backgrounds. But…it’s not just that he’s “a suit” and she’s an artsy musician. He is white and she is black. Do you find that society views interracial couples such as these differently in America than in Germany?

//Duken: I live in Berlin and one of the reasons why my wife and I have decided to live there is that the different social mixing actually is normal there. There are all sorts of interpersonal relationships and circles of friends who do not seem to fit together at first glance, exactly, for me that is the charm of this city. For me personally, there is nothing unusual about it.

//BB&W: We hear you’re in South Africa. Tell us about your current project!

//Duken: At the time I shoot in South Africa “Northmen -A Viking Saga”. The film is about a group of Vikings who suffer shipwreck behind enemy lines.

 

Love Ken as much as we do? See him mack on Nichole Beharie in My Last Day Without You in select theatres THIS WEEK.

ATLANTA
Phipps Plaza AMC
3500 Peachtree Rd NE
Atlanta, GA
(404) 231-1492

SEATTLE
AMC Pacific Place 11
600 Pine St #400,
Seattle, WA 98101
(206) 652-8908

WASHINGTON DC
AMC Georgetown 14
3111 K Street, Nw
Washington, DC 20007
888-AMC-4FUN

CHICAGO
AMC River East 21
322 East Illinois Street, Chicago, IL 60611
(888) 262-4386

NEW ORLEANS
AMC Elmwood Palace 20
1200 Elmwood Park Blvd, Elmwood, LA 70123
(504) 733-2029

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BB&W Exclusive: Garcelle Beauvais Talks New Book Series, Hollywood, and Black Women Swirling http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/bbw-exclusive-garcelle-beauvais-talks-book-series-hollywood-black-women-swirling/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/bbw-exclusive-garcelle-beauvais-talks-book-series-hollywood-black-women-swirling/#comments Sun, 11 Aug 2013 23:17:25 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=24294 I got a chance to have a chat with one of the most beautiful black actresses in Hollywood--Garcelle Beauvais. We talked her new book, acting in Hollywood, and black women embracing interracial relationships.

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I got a chance to have a chat with one of the most beautiful black actresses in Hollywood–Garcelle Beauvais. We got to talking about her new book to help biracial children embrace their identities, aptly called, “I Am Mixed.” Beauvais is a divorced mother raising three children, two of which are a product of her marriage to Michael Nilon, who is Irish. The book follows siblings Jay and Nia as they explore their thoughts about their mixed heritage. Beauvais says the characters were inspired by her own experience discussing her own kids’ origins. “I didn’t want them to be asked why is your mommy brown and daddy white and not have them understand it themselves,” she said in an interview with Lifetime’s celebrity parents blog. “I wanted them to know that they’re the best parts of us put together. What I wanted most of all is for them to be proud of who they are and celebrate themselves.”

I Am Mixed Classic Edition

She didn’t see a lot of books in the bookstores about the largest-growing demographic in America–people claiming and identifying as more than one race. “It was really out of the need to teach my kids that they need to be proud of what they are…and be proud of that,” she told me.

Then we got onto the conversation about black women dating interracially, and I asked her if she felt that black women face any particular pressure about interracilly dating, and from her experience, she says no.  “These days, if you find someone you love and that loves you back, who cares what color he is? Sometimes we have set standards (and that’s great) but sometimes you have to be open to different packages too. I think we have to be open to all races.”

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Garcelle admits that she felt pressure from some in the black community when she first married her ex, but she shrugged it off. “I just want to be with a man that loves and respects me and loves and respects my children.

Take a listen to the whole interview, along with news about her next projects. Hint: She says that “The industry is starting to see our value.” Meaning, black women.

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