Newsweek March 3, 2003

The show reminded me of an article I read in Newsweek back in March of 2003.  We discussed this topic in a Facebook forum and most felt that dating a man in prison or fresh out of prison was not for them.  The story was actually about some of the challenges black women share regardless of background or education.  The conversation did eventually come to relationships.  Author Teri Woods, a self made millionaire and admits that she would rather have a man from prison than be lonely — in so many words.  Dating out obviously did not appeal to her.  Star Jones, Mellody Hobson, Beyonce, Foxy Brown, Deborah Robers and Deborah Wright all weighed in.  Remember this was 2003 but even today,  some 10 years later many women think like Teri Woods.  Many black women don’t or won’t expand their options to include non black men so some would obviously seek out men in prison.  As a former Magistrate,personally I advise against it knowing the criminal element as I do, but each individual woman has to make up her own mind in these matters.  And I do believe in the one exception to the rule but are you willing to risk that he may not be the one exception?  What say you in BB&W land?

Author Allison Samuels profiled the entire round table discussion.

This is for the people who no matter what truths you show them, they refuse to see or acknowledge what is right before them and maintain the same thoughts no matter what. This is a sickness for which I use the code words: “I Say Hot Salt!”

This is an interesting story that came about several years ago. I was home visiting family and a cousin was sitting with me eating at the dining room table.   Indulging is some of my mother’s delicious fried chicken, my cousin asked me to pass her the hot sauce. I was sure she said “hot salt” I smiled and said, “This is hot SAUCE.” She looked at me and said, “I Say Hot Salt.” I took a breath, and passed her the hot sauce. I reasoned that my cousin just didn’t care what the correct words were, she chose to remain in ignorance —- clearly having been shown what the bottle said and clearly seeing what was inside the bottle. She chose to stay ignorant and say what she wanted to say despite all evidence that she was incorrect. I couldn’t even enjoy my chicken anymore. So now, when people do and say ignorant things, having been corrected or shown the correct way, I think to myself: “I say Hot Salt!” My friends and I now use this as a code, and get a good laugh.

In all seriousness, I found that mindset is a form of “Normalcy Bias”.   It is a mental state of people who stand by and do nothing knowing of the impending doom.  I use the example of black women, or extreme pillars of salt who know that they are in danger and continue to remain in dangerous areas.  Remote connection? Maybe, but the mindset is the same.  Remaining in ignorance despite the in-your-face proof of the obvious, or remaining in a dangerous situation despite the in-your-face signs and proof could be disasterous for one all the way around.

Back to the hot salt story, imagine my surprise when I found that there really was a product called Hot Salt! My sister could hardly wait to tell me she found some in her lazy susan —– clueless of when she may have purchased it. We had a great laugh about that one.  I understand that Patti LaBelle travels with some at all times.  I don’t know what my cousin would call this and am afraid to ask.

I discovered a few of them think that because there are few blacks in some of these places that, they would not be comfortable going.  Well, there are numerous places in the US where we could say the same thing. I don’t understand this fear and inhibition but I do rejoice in those who have gone out and claimed their piece of the globe.  I would advise anyone not to let the fear of racism keep them from taking advantage of an opportunity that could be once in a lifetime.  I have  “been the only one” or one of a few black people in a class, work or even church countless times.  Depending upon the situation, I have try to use those opportunities to educate folks.

Racism is everywhere and not going away anytime soon. Life goes on. Just think if the phenomenal woman Gloria Ray Karlmark, one of the “Little Rock Nine” let her circumstances limit her potential. She may have never become a chemist, she may never have met and married a Swedish man nor be in a position to head Fortune 500 companies in Sweden, Belgium or Holland. Gloria Karlmark may not have become the award winning and innovative power house she turned out to be had she not taken some risks and stepped out on faith.  Just check out Gloria Ray Karlmark on Swedish television talking about then candidate Obama and the possibility of him becoming the first US black president (2008).

Sweden is also home to another super achieving, black American woman.  She is Black Women in Europe Network  founder Adrianne George Lind. Adrianne is from Washington DC and was exposed to the international world as a youngster.  She had close family members who lived and worked overseas and that led to her being bitten by the travel adventure bug.  Adrianne used education as her ticket to cross the Atlantic and has since travled the globe. She obtained a Master’s degree in Marketing and PR in Belgium where she met her Swedish husband.  Married to the love of her life, Adrianne is now living in Sweden.  If she had any hesitancy about going overseas, Adrianne would never have left the states. She is another prime example of what we can accomplish given opportunity coupled with desire and passion. So seek out educational opportunities and go for it.

Adrianne has become an International power broker who has built two networks the other being co-founder of Women of the African Diaspora. She is also co-founder and editor of Black ExPat Magazine.  Adrianne also runs the BWIE Blog  and hosts two BWIE subgroups in Facebook (one for women exclusively living, studying or working abroad, and one for those abroad and women in the US).  In 2010, Adrianne was inspired by Forbes Magazine World’s 100 Most Powerful Women List.  She went right into action creating and publishing the first (and two subsequent) Most Powerful Black Women in Europe List 2010.  My dear friend gets a heartfelt thanks from me for creating the networks where I met so many wonderful people I otherwise may never have known. (2011 list – 2012 list)

Thanks to Adrianne, I was inspired to compile a list of programs and schools.  As an information broker, I had received some requests for information about studying abroad — specifically Europe. Most universities in Finland, Norway, Sweden, Germany and many other EU countries are tuition FREE even for foreigners.  At least they used to be more than there are now.  So many non EU students were taking advantage of those opportunities so some countries have started charging.  Many remain free, so those who are interested will have to be diligent and research well. As always beware of scams and know that you will still have to demonstrate financial stability.  Some may wonder why bother if you still have to sustain yourself financially.  Well, you would have to sustain yourself financially at home anyway, so why not experience life abroad even if for one semester?  Where there is a will there is a way.  What better reason to live abroad is there other than to pursue education?   Ok, besides love, a killer job, extended vacation and maybe medical treatment?  Obtaining a quality degree makes school rank pretty high up on the list.

Explore the Country, Explore the Programs.

These degrees are offered in English. You can get your degree and not have to worry about learning the language of the host country for some programs.  A few countries require proof that you are learning their language.  Of course it would be best if you did learn the language, but for those that don’t it is one less stress while you are completing your education.  Two years ago, my friend Gavaza got a Masters in International Peace Studies in Finland in English and it was free.   She had to pay some room and board, but tuition was entirely free for her two year program. And she was paid for her internship.  Most can get part time jobs to help defray expenses. I say if at all possible, we should take advantage of these opportunities. The language skills alone should one become fluent gives you a additional skill that may prove useful upon returning to the States.  Even for those of us with professional degrees and who are already working could consider time abroad for study. This is easier for single people who don’t have families and homes, but on the other hand people are taking their spouses and families abroad all the time.

I met a sister on the BWE Social Network (a Tuskegee Veterinary School graduate) named Priscilla Bowen, DVM, Ph.D.  Her husband who is also a veterinarian, was offered an opportunity to receive specialized training in animal neurosurgery in Switzerland.  Dr. Bowen was not about to twiddle her thumbs while her husband was in training all day.  She wasted no time researching and found her own educational opportunity.  Dr. Bowen found, enrolled in and completed a Ph.d. program at the University of Zurich Veterinary School.  I asked Dr. Bowen if she would mentor a young black high school student who wanted to be a veterinarian.  Dr. Bowen was more than eager to mentor and graciously asked me to pass on her contact information to the young lady.  That is what it is all about.  It didn’t matter that we had never met, she was willing to reach out to young black women in any school pursuing their dream of becoming a veterinarian.

You can find almost any program in Europe including veterinarian medicine as we just learned.  Some schools in the smaller EU countries also seek international students as they all boast of wonderful educational opportunities.  You could go to medical school in Romania or Hungary.   You could get an Engineering degree in Norway, or study physics in Germany.  It doesn’t hurt to just check things out.  This also goes for spouses of those in Embassy jobs or with the US State Department or as we saw with Dr. Bowen someone in school.  Putting your mind to anything, you can make it work.   There is more research to do as I have barely scratched the surface.  Those of you whose curiosities have been piqued have your homework cut out for you.  Just know that some of these institutions have the been around for centuries and offer an education equal to or even surpass US educational standards.

Sweden. Korea. Spain. England. Japan. France. Germany. Italy. Brazil. The List is Long.

With passport in hand, have your necessary paperwork ready for visa applications, apply and wait for your acceptance letters.  Asia offers some opportunities too.  Regina Walton went to Korea specifically for school and started a blog as “Expat Jane“.  She completed a Master’s degree in International Studies at Ewha Women’s University.  Regina was able to learn Korean and even wrote a column for the Korean Herald. Regina told me that it was a fluke that she just happened to see an advertisement for the program and applied. She did not speak Korean at all, but because the program was offered in English, she went for it. Regina graduated from UCLA law school before going to Korea but she now writes for a living in Northern California.

Sweden has over 600 programs in English.  One of my friends was accepted to an online Master’s program in Digital Library and Information Services at the University of Boras Swedish School of Library and Information Science in Boras, Sweden. She was one of 40 applicants admitted out of 400!! Her prayers were answered as she wanted an opportunity to go back to school and travel. The best part was that it is FREE!! As my friend stated, “It is a well-kept secret about free education in Europe, but we don’t know for how long.”   So, get moving if that is what you want to do. You can’t beat studies for free online or on campus. But realistically you have to do your homework and again have the means to support yourself.  Seek out internships, jobs, host families even affiliated churches may help with housing.  We have a young lady from France visiting Los Angeles for a 3 month drama class she found online.  The young lady contacted the church I attend and told us of her intentions and needs.  One of our members gladly hosted her while she is here.  That is out of the box thinking that saved her a fortune in housing.  It worked out great!

Here are some links to consider and remember this is just a small sampling of what is out there. Even if the school is not free, they may have scholarships or grants. Just ask someone at the school of your interest. If you know of programs, please list them in the comments. Again, good luck to all takers!

Bonus:  Find Bachelor’s Studies in Europe has an extensive list of all colleges in EU. Once you put in your search options, you can list the results by tuition. There are several pages of tuition free institutions listed.  This site has also has information on Master and Ph.D. programs. (Thanks Ashley!)

If you can’t find a suitable free program, you may be able to get financial aid to attend some overseas schools.  FAFSA International Universities  is a directory of institutions worldwide where U.S. students can use their financial aid for short term study abroad or even to get an undergraduate or master’s degree!  This link is to their Facebook page as I can’t seem to find the actual directory.  But if interested you could contact them via email  on Facebook.  (Thanks Sherise!)

The actual FAFSA website may prove useful too as you would need the school codes anyway.

This is general information from an India site about education in Europe, US, Canada, Australia and New Zealand. You will have to look through to find what you need, but the effort is probably well worth it.

Here is a listing  of European Union universities with graduate programs.

These schools are highly competitive and very reputable, so study will require dedication and hard work if you are accepted.

Check out the accreditation  of the various schools

Listing of universities

Sweden 

Linköping University is fully accredited and reputable  in Sweden.  LIU is offering tuition free doctorate degrees in English.   If you could find an online program, it would be ideal.

A listing of all the Swedish Universities offering Master level degrees in English. Most are tuition free.

A Wikipedia listing as well

This is a great site that leads to other international graduate information

Denmark 

Finland

U of Helsinki Finland

Finland 

Norway

Univeristy of Oslo

Iceland   University of Iceland. Icelandic schools don’t have tuition but registration fees. They also have a nice student loan program.

Listing of state and private Icelandic Universities

Netherlands

http://www.studyinholland.nl/

http://www.nuffic.nl/international-students/study-options

http://www.studyinholland.nl/

http://www.eurogates.nl/

http://www.isparis.edu/page.cfm?p=550

http://www.english.uva.nl/start.cfm

http://studylink.com/study-in-netherlands/

http://www.internationalgraduate.net/country/europe/netherlands.htm

Funding info for the Netherlands

Belgium

Hasselt is a Belgian University that charges, but may have some reduced tuition. You have to call and talk to people or at least email. You never know what kind of opportunities you may get just by asking questions.

Estonia   Study in Estonia (may have scholarships) 100 or more programs in English and they have EU status.

Italy 

Spain

Germany    (Higher education is free for everyone)

University of Stuttgart

University of Ulm

More great info from Germany

http://www.study-in.de/en/

http://www.admissionglobal.com/study_germany.asp

http://www.scholars4dev.com/category/country/europe-scholarships/germany-scholarships/

Hungary

Romainia 

Ukraine 

Bulgaria 

Croatia    (not free but they do have scholarships)

Slovakia

Slovenia    (not free)

Czech Republic

Lithuania

Latvia 

Russia

France    general info and does not appear to be free

Poland 

Switzerland   (not free)

Listing of Australian Schools or universities with graduate programs (Not Free)

Listing of UK schools  or universities with graduate programs (Not Free)

Listing of New Zealand schools or universities with graduate programs (Not Free)

Meet Brandi And Vipul. They were very creative in that they combined traditional Indian with American wedding customs and dress. They ended their ceremony by “jumping the broom”. Brandi and Vipul look so beautiful together!

Brandi and Vipul

See the beautiful wedding photographs at Lisa Rigby Photography

The term Uncle Tom has always bothered me. One day I just decided to look into the history of the Uncle Tom.  That man Tom, based on Josiah Henson was a noble man. Tom was loyal, seen as many of the day (and on to the present time) as stupid and docile.  But Josiah Henson himself was quite intelligent.  Josiah Henson realized that his new master (Isaac Riley) was evil and made a plan to escape. He got his wife and four children out of Montgomery County, MD and made his way to Canada where he was able to realize the American Slave’s Dream — freedom and prosperity. The real Uncle Tom, Josiah Henson went on to help over 100 other slaves escape to freedom on Canadian soil via the Underground Railroad. Now why don’t folks know that tidbit? All one would have to do is read his narrative, The Life of Josiah Henson, Formerly a Slave, (free online)  and other historical texts about his life.

Tom’s character was a strong, robust man who would rather die a painful death than reveal the whereabouts of two female slaves who were sexually terrorized by Simon Legree.  Most accounts assume that Harriet Beecher Stowe indeed based her ‘Tom” character on dear old Josiah Henson.  But she could not have known the backlash that would ensue.  Mrs. Stowe could not have imagined that whites would detract all the goodness of this man’s character and life and depict him as some docile, physically weak and aged, massa-loving ignoramus — oblivious to the systematic abuses of the “Peculiar Institution” being encroached upon him. “Tom Shows” popped up all over the place and created the minstrel characters that we associate with “Uncle Tom” today. It is an erroneous assumption, but this negative description is how we continue to keep this character alive and well.

“Uncle Tom’s Cabin” spurred a bevy of books with similar themes as well as those that opposed Harriet Beecher Stowe’s view of slavery. There was even a a book that attempted to do for the Native Americans what UTC did for slavery. “Ramona” was written by Helen Hunt Jacskon in 1884.

This photo of what was thought to be  Uncle Tom’s Cabin.  It is located at 11420 Old Georgetown Road, Bethesda, MD.

Ironically, I have passed the symbolic cabin site several times located at 11420 Old Georgetown Rd, Rockville, MD 20852 (which is actually North Bethesda).  The cabin was purchased by Montgomery County in 2006 for $1,000.000 from a private family whose heirs no longer wanted it. Weeds and failure to upkeep the property took its toll and after renovations re-opened to the public on June 29. 2006. The plan was to be fully opened by 2012.  There there has been a revelation that this cabin was built long after Josiah Henson escaped from this property and can not therefore be the actual cabin.  It is still the symbolic cabin and Josiah Henson did live on the property, but the slave quarters that housed him have long disappeared.  Even in the worn shape it was in, this symbolic cabin was probably better than the actual one.  It is highly doubtful that the man who owned Josiah was concerned about adequate slave quarters.  I would love to take a walking tour of the site.

About Josiah Henson, I wonder if he knew his legacy would mean so much to so many these hundred plus years later? Could he have known that his life/character would still cause division within the black community for generations? Did he know that his great grand nephew Matthew Henson* would be the first to discover the geographical north pole? Did he know that other descendants Stanley V. Henson would become a film maker (In the Midnight Hours [2010] Sow Your Dreams [2009] Rise Above the Silver and Gold, or that Kianta Henson would become a Hollywood producer  or that Taraji P. Henson would become  an award winning actress? He could not have, but he knew that there had to be a better life for him and his children as free people and that his children could have better futures.

All of this because my dear friend told me that she is a blood relative of Harriet Beecher Stowe? See what you sparked Laurie? Rejoice in the rich history you have and its additional connection to one of America’s greatest historical events, one of it’s most celebrated books, and a few of its talented and celebrated folks in the entertainment industry. Though the term “Uncle Tom” is derogatory, the original character on which the term is based was noble, upstanding and wonderful.

* Matthew Henson and Robert Peary (white man credited with discovering the North Pole although it was actually Henson) both fathered children outside of marriage with Inuit Eskimo women. Some of Henson’s descendants can be seen here.

Other links about the present day cabin

http://www.montgomeryparks.org/PPSD/Cultural_Resources_Stewardship/heritage/uncle_toms_cabin.shtm

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/06/14/AR2006061400939.html

http://www.usatoday.com/travel/destinations/2006-06-16-uncle-toms-cabin_x.htm

http://www.uncletomscabin.org/

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2010/10/turns-out-he-1m-real-uncle-toms-cabin-isnt-the-real-one/1

For those of you who remember, there was a time in the 1990s when there was series of dolls in different skin shades marketed to little black girls. One such doll was called, “Kenya”.

As I said elsewhere when I found this out, it hit me right in the childhood. I am still flailing. I will most definitely might buy one when they are released next month. I don’t care if I’m not the target demographic. And clearly I’m not the only one who feels this way:

We can almost hear the squeals of joy coming from the countless black women in their 20s as they read this post and remember their childhood days with Kenya in tow.

SEE?! SEE?! IT’S NOT JUST ME!

*cough*

Anyway, I’m truly excited about not only the re-launching of the dolls, which went away due to copyright issues, but also what I’m hearing about the the new version. This time around, the brand is hoping to have among other things a TV show, computer apps, a film, and music released.

The first launch of the product was successful and I am hoping the second launch will be even more successful. There is an undeniable void regarding self-esteem building representations for little black girls where they get to see positive images of themselves and be positively encouraged to love themselves.

I’m checking out the new versions and there are a few things I noted:

1.) Kenya is very dark-skinned. This true of both the classic version being released and the “Fashion Madness” version. I admit I was a bit concerned about how they were handling this re-launch in terms of skin tone. I know people want to tip-toe around the shadism/colorism elephant in the room, but marketing a dark-skinned doll as the lead in a series of dolls targeted to little black girls is very bold, given the fact darker skin is often maligned when it comes to black women in popular black culture. I feel like doll’s creators are very sensitive to that fact and are going above and beyond to reaching out to those little girls.

2.) They gave the older version of Kenya a boyfriend, named TJ. Yes, TJ is also black and this isn’t very surprising giving the pro-black family (more on that in a minute) angle of these toys. What I like is that he, like all the characters in this line, is not stereotypical, is into sports but at the same time is VERY MUCH about his education, and has a positive message for young black girls regarding doing their best and being with people who love and support them. Including the men in their life.

3.) The Kenya line is very much pro-black family and pro-black community. This MAY worry some on the BW-centric front who see this as a Trojan horse. Some may see it as promoting a reality of the black community that does not exist.

Well, the flip side of this is the fact that you can bet there will be GAT-DL haters complaining about how “unrealistic” these dolls are because of how “white” they all act, how portraying the characters from  stable two-parent homes may “hurt the feelings” of some little girls from single parent homes. You may have people chipping away at the positivity of this brand because it does not reflect or normalize dysfunction. And YES, I already see it coming.

The bottom line is, as far as I can tell, the good of these dolls far outweigh any BWE-centric notions of “it’s a trap!”. Still if you feel that there’s going to be an issue, it’s not like you have to buy the dolls for your daughters or any other little girls you know. It’s like anything else you suspect may be a bad influence that involves you spending money…you don’t have to do it. Put your money into whatever else you feel will positively influence women and girls around you, that is your right.

The final impression I get from these dolls is that as a black girl, you are capable of doing whatever you set your mind to: You are intelligent, fun, fashionable, out-of-the-box, and you should form connections with people who feel the same. You should be proud of yourself (as stated in the music video for the “Fashion Madness” doll).

I feel like anything that encourages black girls to do their best, be their best, and fills them with a sense of self-love and pride is a GREAT thing. Because it’s not something that has always been marketed at little black girls. Kenya dolls were the first of their kind, and that was a tiny window compared to other dolls for other little girls. Hopefully good things will come of this.

…And yes, I’m buying all the dolls. \o/

So what are your thoughts? Are you excited for the return of classic Kenya? What is your opinion on the other dolls being released? Do you think there are any major issues and concerns being overlooked?

_________________________________________

Blast from the Past!
Brought back for our current audience to read & comment on.
Originally published on May 27, 2010. _________________________________________

Rainbow men, that is, non-black guys of varying hues, tend to prefer a svelte physique. Now before you get all huffy about having to give up your daily donuts, deep-fried Twinkies and 500-calorie mochachocalattechai (and then try to be all, “no whip cream!” about it), just hear me out.

Both sexes do all sorts of things to attract the opposite sex. Do you skip a shower before a date? Fart during a movie with your guy? If you do, you need more help than what this blog can give you!

For the sake of this argument, let’s break down what black men tend to find attractive: small waist with a big ‘ol stripper booty:

Many Black Men's Ideal Figure*

BUTT! Most of the time, a little “junk in the trunk,” often means junk in the thighs, rubbish on the arms, and a land fill on the belly. Black men find this attractive, so many black women who want to attract those men work (or not) to increase their desirability. A few years ago a study came out that suggested black women were much more comfortable with their body image than their white female counterparts. Despite 78 percent of us being overweight according to the American Obesity Association, apparently it’s all good. You know why? C’mon guess. BECAUSE BLACK MEN FIND BOOTY MEAT ATTRACTIVE!

Conversely, white women (as well as other nationalities besides, perhaps, Hispanics) are VERY weight conscious. That same study showed that a large percentage of white women were unhappy with their weight. Just a guess, but I’ll bet the farm it’s because white men tend to prefer a body type like this:

I don't care what color you are, that body is healthy and hawt!

So, it looks like both black women and white women tie their feelings about body image according to what the men of that race prefer.

I remember talking to someone at a mall I worked that was predominately frequented by African Americans. My co-worker, who was young, small-waisted and a butt that looked like two basketballs fighting for space in her spandex, often told me that she was willing to do some exercises, but her boyfriend warned her not to do anything that would reduce her ass size. She was happy to accomodate him.

So then, why are so many black women bent out of shape when rainbow men express their preference for thin women, in word and deed? Why the resistance to accomodate them if we want to attract them?

On a post yesterday regarding the best/worst places in the world to have an interracial relationship, Ali went a little off topic to discuss how a friend of hers thought NYC was not conductive to her interracial dating prospects:

“This prob. belongs under another post, but I have a cousin who says NYC is bad for bw/wm interracial dating! NYC! The reason is, she’s never been asked out by a white guy. When I tell her I have, lots of times, she says – oh, you’ve just been lucky . . . . .What I’ve failed to mention is this – she’s nearly 250 POUNDS! And yet that doesn’t occur to her that that’s the problem. She blames her lack of interracial dates on her race – she says it’s because white guys are racist!”

For me, exercise and I go through stages. I get really gung-ho and then after a while I give the whole thing a heave-ho. But as I grow older I realize the necessity of being consistent with working out, because I have an almost irrational fear of arms that flap like wings while waving in a tank top. But money is tight and the gym is just a little too far, and frankly, I don’t see the point in having shower, brush my teeth and comb my hair to only become disheveled in some frenetic Tai Bo-hip hop-kick boxing-thingamajig workout class. So that’s why I do Barry’s Boot Camp and drink my fruits and vegetables with the help of my Vita Mix. And you know what? I’ll be working on keeping my body fit and healthy, first, because I don’t want to get diabetes like my mother, take high blood pressure pills like my dad did, and frankly, shopping at Lane Bryant will never turn me on no matter how cute they make those fat dummies look in their clothes! And finally, I’ll do it because I know my husband likes me that way, and I love him and want to be desirable to him as he wishes to stay desirable to me, which is why Hair Club For Men will get a new client if his hairline recedes one more centimeter!

Now, I realize that I may have ruffled some feathers with this post, but ladies, we MUST face the truth, stop making excuses, and get ourselves fit, happy, sexy and healthy. And if a rainbow man thinks you’re hot after all that effort, then all the better.

_________________________________________

Blast from the Past!
Brought back for our current audience to read & comment on.
Originally published on June 27, 2010. _________________________________________

The Best and Worst Places to Get Your Swirl On

Living on the West Coast with all its liberal ideals and live-and-let-live attitudes is a great place for interracial and intercultural couples to thrive. Seattle and San Francisco are perpetually on the top of any list that tracks this sort of data – and my hometown, the wonderful City of Angels, is usually in the mix, too. (Yeah L.A.!)

If you’re swirling, though, it’s probably best to keep your booty out of Detroit, Atlanta, Birmingham or New Orleans which aren’t as embracing of the whole relational melting pot idea.

But did you know Denver, CO and Minneapolis, MN are also hubs where mixed couples and their families flourish? Well, surprise surprise! They are indeed just two of the towns at the top of the most recent poll by Interrace Magazine which has been surveying its readers on the subject for over a decade.

So for those of you who are still in the market for a mate – or couples looking to move away from prying or unwelcoming eyes – here is a highlight of three of those top ten cities that embrace blended couples. Can’t afford to move? Well maybe it’s time you took a trip. (You know you’re so due for a vacation anyway.)

Minneapolis, MN The Twin Cities is not only one of the friendliest to interracial couples, but it’s also one of the fittest. Ranked third in each of two new national surveys—one on physical fitness and one on quality of life, the Minneapolis metropolitan area metro area boasts a high number of people who are involved in regular physical activity or exercise as well as the number of people in excellent or very good health. For those of you job hunting, Minneapolis has a low unemployment rate and loads of available parkland, recreation centers and physical education classes. And with ready access to golf courses, bike and walking paths, park facilities, and dog parks, it makes for a great place note only to live with a mate – but to find one.

San Diego, CA The Southernmost city in the Golden State, San Diego is a city that believes in community as a vital part of one’s quality of life in the region. Continuing its move toward a Clean Generation, the city provides programs offering financial incentives for renewable energy as well as energy efficiency and water conservation improvements by its residents. Already a national leader in solar energy, “green” home improvements in the city will not only has the potential to save money for countless homeowners, but will create jobs for those who live there. It’s a win-win for those who are looking for little economic stability in a city and environmental consciousness to go along with their swirl.

Honolulu, HI The 13^th largest city in the nation in the middle of the Pacific Ocean where President Barack Obama once called home is a bastion of culture and art, be it in their museums and concert halls to the urban hubs which have been embraced by the Hollywood television and film communities. Hawaii’s economic base is primarily tourism and the city uses its cultural and artistic diversity to draw visitors into their eclectic ethnic mix that draws on Native Hawaiian traditions as well as the tremendous contributions of the Filipino, Chinese, Portuguese, Scottish, Greek, Okinawan and Samoan communities. Considered one of the world’s top 10 most livable cities, Honolulu has fashioned its culture and arts and a leading factor in building “strong cities (and) strong families for a strong America.” That, and it’s a great place to get lei’d. Now that sounds like paradise to me.

Now we want to hear from you! Where are the best (and worst) places (cities, states, counties) that you’d recommend and/or dissuade other interracial couples from migrating to?

ALERT: Karyn Folan and I must have some psychic voodoo magic, because she wrote a very good piece on this subject. Take a look.

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Blast from the Past!
Brought back for our current audience to read & comment on.
Originally published on June 19, 2010. _________________________________________

[Presented by Christelyn]

History can be a distasteful thing; and frankly I don’t like dealing with anything distasteful unless its vodka. That’s why me and the hubster can NEVER watch Roots together. Crap like that puts me in an “I hate white people!” mood, which is not really healthy since I’m married to one. I give him the side eye during those Kunta Kinte whipping scenes and then he looks back, befuddled. I guess I can’t blame him–his grandparents didn’t touch American soil until the early 1900′s. Until then, his mom’s side was stuffing their faces with potato balls and sauerkraut in Germany while his dad’s people where fighting over tickets for Chopin in Poland. My only comeback: “Well, your people picked Hitler!” But then it gets complicated, because the other half of him is Polish and they had their share of atrocities put upon them during WWII, so really, I can only be mad at half of him, and then feel sorry for the other half, so it cancels everything out.

Back to history. Truly it is hard to look at painful things that have occurred during slavery and segregation. So if I ask a teenager to put down his iPod for a sec to tell me if he knows about Jim Crow and replies, “Isn’t he a drummer from that one band?” my first reaction is to think homeschooling is totally back on the table. But then, I wonder…is that ignorance all bad?

Guest blogger, ‘Bill Drew’ Aabaakawad, a self-described secular humanist white guy with an interest in social justice, black women’s empowerment, and all-around lover of the melanin-rich, poses the question–is it better to remember…or forget?

— Christelyn

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by Bill Drew (Aabaakawad)

I have a dream too, much like Dr. King’s. In my version, Black & White citizens work through understanding & overcoming our differences and the history that produced them. I imagine White America finally coming to terms with their full role in creating our country’s defining tragedy, and Black America, having finally been seen, being able to forgive. Healing, in other words. Perhaps this is also what you have hoped for too. Is this too much to ask?

As much as the thousands of racial bloggers and writers have worked for decades toward these goals, it is not their demographic, middle-aged intellectuals, that is reconciling. The most successful populations in America at Black/White interaction are adolescents and young adults. Our current black and white youth are connecting, befriending and romancing each other across the color line. But theirs has not been a story of overcoming differences and dealing with shared history. In fact, our youngest people usually aggressively deny that there are any differences, or any history to be interested in. It is axiomatic in their ideology that “we are all the same under the skin”. This “End of History” narrative offends my personal dream.

Resolution or Absolution? Reconciliation or Nevermind?

I know where my instincts are on this, but should they be trusted? The “Great Forgetting” strategy is, after all, successful. Young people are dispensing with racism and leading the way … beyond Black & White.

Has America simply produced more history than it can consume?

Please, state your opinions and discuss.

Wishing you all progress …

— Aaby

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Blast from the Past!
Brought back for our current audience to read & comment on.
Originally published on June 13, 2010. _________________________________________

Why are church-going black women so lonely?

In the spirit of one of my favorite fluorescent garbed, big-haired 80′s girl band, The Bangles, happy Manic Monday.

Do you wish it was Sunday, back when you were sitting on those hard, wooden pews, fanning away the heat, and perturbed because you sat in back of a very big woman wearing a hat that resembled a cornucopia?

Millions of black women went to church yesterday; and chances are that 99.99999% of the single ones went up to the pulpit for the pastor, deacon, or associate minister to ‘lay hands on them’ and pray, for the 12,654,234th time, for God’s favor in finding them a good black man.

I speak from a position of knowledge. I used to be one of those women. Determined to live right, be virtuous, and find a damn man, I attended a very well-known black mega-church in Los Angeles (which will remain nameless, but they know who they are).

I jumped in with both feet. Not only did I go every Sunday, I joined the Singles Ministry. On any given Wednesday, the meeting was populated by about 15 women, and on a good week, 2-3 men.

The head of the ministry was a cute, twenty-ish black man who got the goo-goo eyes by every lady there under the age of 40. So when he asked me out, I said, “HELL-TO-THE-YEAH!!” Erhm, I mean, I was really excited.

Had God answered my prayers? Would he be the one? Did I need to get on a 24-hour prayer line real quick so someone could confirm the prophecy?

Dude showed up at my apartment and suggested we spend the night in. I guess he was all worn out from all that church-y stuff he did that day. But always accommodating, and desiring to please, I submitted to the lame-assed date.

He spent the next four hours trying to get in my pants. Confused, and trying to speak whilst his tongue was in my mouth, I asked him if he felt any shame for gunning to “know” me in the biblical sense. Guess what he said? “God knows I’ma have sex.” He said that with all the seriousness afforded to a man of his stature.

Alex, I’ll take Hypocrisy and Black Male Privilege for $1,000!

There continues to be a grumbling in the BWE community about the Traditional Black Church’s (TBC) role and possible stake in keeping black women in perpetual singlehood–unless of course they get really, really, really lucky and marry someone within the church and have a bunch of descendents to fill the offering tray. I caught wind of a Tweet exchange just yesterday on Blow The Trumpet’s page.

And interracial dating? Fuggitaboutit. Someone, maybe even a black woman, will give you the side eye if you show up with Peter, Pedro, or Phillipe. Probably single herself, this woman has been successfully brainwashed into holding up the torch for the entire Black Race at the expense of her own happiness.

Of course, there are strong feelings on both sides of this issue. But honestly, I’m only interested in the side that will free black women from their bondage, which is why I’m dedicating an entire chapter in the book about it.

I spoke with dating and relationship expert, blogger, and radio host, Deborrah Cooper, who has some very strong opinions about this issue. As usual, she does not tippy toe. Take a listen by clicking the link: Deborrah Cooper_black church

What say you?

Stand By…

Deborrah picks up this issue on her blog, www.survivingdating.com, later today. Yep, we tag-teamed. It’s just that important.

Also wanted to plug this Tweeter and blogger, She Ponderings, who wrote a very honest essay about her TBC odyssey.