Love Lonnie like I do? Go to his site and check out his comic books. Father’s Day is coming up and comics ALWAYS make for great bathroom reading.

To see Part I, click here.

Things are in order and we let the kids off the bus and most of the ladies head right for….. the gift shop so they can buy more stuff.  MORE?  We just got here….   Well, we get them out of there (with more bags in hand) and go get checked into the two condos that each hold 10 people.  For our group of 20.  With 16 ladies and 4 guys (including myself).  Seems to me that we need  a condo that holds 16 and another that holds 4.  Because I just know which chaperone is going to get the co-ed condo since I am one of those 4 males.  Oh, do I ever have a headache.  At least the room configuration has one room with just one bed.  This one is mine, y’all figure out where you are going to sleep.  I mean in which room….  Of course, all the beds are double beds and when the resort says the condo sleeps 10, they do not mean 10 beds.  They mean 10 places in beds for people to sleep.  Getting my drift here?  Girls will bunk up together.  Guys?  No way.  The one guy that wanted to flip me for the single room quickly learns that everything is not equal in a democracy.  This is going to be interesting…  They figure it out.

So I give them my rules, which are pretty straightforward (I am one of those low-maintenance chaperones).   No bruises.  No blood.  No bickering.  No flames.  Don’t do anything (and especially put it on Youtube) that will get me fired.  OK, enough rules, I am going to take a nap.  Oh…. And they can watch whatever they want or hook up the PS3, but I get the TV for the Tigers opener on Monday and the game Weds afternoon.  NOW it is nap time.  Kind of.  Private room is good, but 9 other loud people in a condo still generate some noise.  But at least if I lay down the headache will go away.

The kids go off to explore the place and a couple of the ladies start to cook spaghetti.  GOOD spaghetti, and really cooked such as real onions chopped up and real garlic ground up.  Not my system of browning the burger, draining it, and dumping in a jar of Ragu and calling it done.  So one thing I learned right then and there is that if you are with 6 teenage ladies, odds are at least one of them can cook.  “Mr. L, you ARE going to try my spaghetti, aren’t you”?  Ahhhhh…. YEAH.  Where are the plates?  And the chef just lit up when I complimented her cooking, which was nice because she is kind of shy and quiet.  You know the type.  Hey, I wasn’t just trying to be nice, either, it was good.

So, first night, guess which condo was the hang out place – until 4 AM, geez, I usually go to bed by 9:30 –  for the entire group?  I need my beauty sleep…. Badly…. This is going to be a long 4 days…  Plus I also quickly discovered that in any group there is always at least one person who will go turn the thermostat all the way up.  I am one of those people who are always hot.  To say I roasted that first night is a bit of an understatement.

Next morning, over a period of several hours (you know what I mean if you have ever had teenagers in the house) the kids get up and we want to do a quick morning meeting.  So everyone is sleepy-looking ….. pink bunny slippers…. Teddy bear pajamas… ladies all with head scarf of choice … and they decide to start playing “20 questions” with me (which happened the whole trip because I got a chance to get closer to them and they felt free to question me about stuff).  One girl saw me surveying the group and says “Mr L, do you understand about black women’s hair?  We have to wrap it at night.  White girls don’t, though, do they?”.  Before I can reply someone else says “Of course he understands our hair, he has a black girlfriend (which I got questions about all week… they loved asking me about my relationship)”.  So I say “Yes, I understand about your hair and that you have to wrap it at night and no, white girls don’t have to because the hair is not as prone to breaking”.  Another asks, “Mr L, do you hate that your girlfriend has to wear a head scarf at night because my mama’s boyfriend says it looks stupid?”  Jones is looking at me with this interesting look and waiting for me to answer.  I laughed and said “I think you ladies look lovely no matter what and appreciate what you have to go through to have nice hair.  I am just thankful I am a guy and get to have no-maintenance hair”.  Jones laughs, the girls all smile and I get to stop sweating.  At least for the moment.  As I said, they constantly asked about my relationship and were fascinated about a white man being with a black woman.  The more that they see these relationships the more that they will see them as normal.

At one point they all started talking about whether or not they would go out with someone of another color.  Interestingly, it seemed like most of the ladies would consider it.  Two of the three guys said that they would go out with a white girl.  And Jones, my fellow chaperone, has dated interracially as well.

There is a fabulous water park at the resort.  Even though it was pretty crowded, wow, what a great time we all had.  They did manage to trick Jones into standing under the big tower thing that suddenly dumps a ton of water.  Even though the big water slides were a blast and the favorite of kids…. I am an old man…. Yes, the lazy river was my favorite.  We had passes for the water park the whole time we were there and yes, we certainly spent a lot of time there.

So….. lazy river I was willing to do.  Zip line was another matter.  I have done a zip line before, been left dangling below a REALLY thin cable hooked up by a REALLY thin rope harness thing.  The kids looked at the zip line with eyes as big as saucers.  But we talked them all into trying it.  Even the shy, quiet girl who had a fear of heights.  She was so happy to have faced her fear, and we were so proud.  I got to be that person standing below holding everyone’s stuff and taking pictures.

Mountain tubing….  Outdoor pool and hot tub….. Everyone had such fun.  The entire time the kids conducted themselves as responsible, respectful, intelligent, well-spoken young adults.  It seemed to end way too soon.  I am so proud of those kids I would take them anywhere (Miami anyone?).  Yes, we turned a few heads.  Certainly I am happy that I was able to help give these kids this experience and it was as rewarding for me as I hope it was for them.  Affect change…..

You got to love this creative hustle. They’re making us laugh while they cash in at the bank.

Good on them!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Younger rainbeaus, feel free to post your own questions in the comments section. Have fun!

Some people just don’t know when they are out of their league.

We first learned that Janet Hubert, a.k.a. Aunt Viv 1.0 from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, was nutty when she thought that she was in anywhere near the place to attack Will Smith. Then she decided to attack Wendy Williams for bawling over Whitney Houston’s death after she had attacked her for much of her life. And now she is attacking Wendy AGAIN, just for pretty much saying her name (albeit incorrectly). Check Wendy’s interview with Tatyana Ali to see what incited her “wrath” (the good stuff starts at the 3:11 mark).

And here is the full audio of what Janet Hubert had to say in response to the interview above.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not here to defend Wendy Williams and her methods for success. She does a very good job of spinning gossip into gold, and it’s hard to find that admirable. Because of that, I can understand some A-list (or even D-list) celebrities having words for Wendy. But Aunt Viv??? She needs to learn her place.

So Janet Hubert, as I could see where you might have trouble with understanding my assertion, I’ve put together a list of 5 reasons why you need to keep your mouth closed:

1. Your relevance evaporated in ’93 when your tenure ended on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. We still don’t know exactly why you stopped being on the show (fired, creative differences, or whatever), but it’s clear that your career took a steep decline after that. It only takes a quick IMDB search to see that. And that was TWENTY YEARS AGO. As a result, your words have no weight and no one cares about what you have to say.
2. Wendy isn’t coming for you, and she definitely isn’t concerned with you. I don’t understand why you think that you have a soapbox to stand on that could even get you to Wendy’s ankles. Wendy isn’t making any comments about you directly. She is not taking any shots at your “good name.” Watch her show any day of the week and it is clear that she is pretty free with stating her opinion. And the fact that she has not even referenced any of your attacks shows how little your comments mean to her.
3. You are critiquing Wendy’s TV presence and how she conducts her show while at the same time not being able to master the intricacies of blogtalkradio. Listening to you recite your letter was difficult. It’s low budget, and for a trained actress, I actually am shocked at how poor your delivery was. You somehow believe that you are in the place to comment on anybody else’s screen presence when you can’t even “figure out this blogtalkradio thing”? I mean, you were interrupted numerous times by your phone clicking. Stop it.
4. You claim that you are a lady, but you read this ridiculous open letter attacking her character. The hypocrisies in your statement are astounding. How outlandish do you look claiming your lady-hood while also trying to degrade her for her wigs, “giant teeth”, lady parts, tremendous breasts, and big feet. You seem so self-righteous about progress for women, and you felt like that was appropriate? I must say, for a woman in her 50′s you truly exude class. Take notes everyone.
5. Once again, your relevance evaporated in ’93 when your tenure ended on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Anything you do or say has little to no significance in the media or in the world. And these ridiculous antics to get any type of attention are both pitiful and outrageous. Go home with whatever dregs of your dignity you have left.

Wendy Williams is not a shining example for standards, morals, or decency, and I’m sure she doesn’t need anyone to defend her. But we all need to stay in our own lane. And for the sheer, unabashed embarrassment that she has become, I’m gonna need Janet Hubert to have several seats. I’ve got them all warmed and ready for her. I hope she takes them while they are still warm because it’s all the more uncomfortable when you have to sit your behind on cold steel.

Any idea what this all means? (Besides the possibility I’m 100% nuts)

Once you figure this out, I have a question for you: Do your favorite food cause you to have an orgasm in your mouth like this guy?

Looking for something to do with your hair this weekend? Check this out.

Take a look:

Can you IMAGINE having to be the supervisor who, with a straight face, has to sit down with the flatulence offender and plead with him not to kill his coworkers slowly with microscopic pieces of his bowel movements?

And apparently, his gagging coworkers kept track…

The letter included a timestamped log accurate to the minute, documenting 60 separate-gas passing incidents from the employee in his office in three months, or about 9 per day.

What are they complaining about? He’s well under the average of 14 farts per day by the average human. The offending employee mentioned that he’s lactose intolerant, thus the reason for all the gas passing. Pluueeezz. How easy would it be to stop drinking milk, Fart Man?? I’m sorry, but I truly believe that some folks do this on purpose–sort of like a passive aggressive eff-you to people they hate. I’ve heard stories of people deliberately not bathing or coming to work with arse breath just to piss folks off. I wouldn’t put it past this guy, who’d offered to buy Gas-X to help with the problem, which apparently he didn’t, because he kept up with his nine-fart-a-day average.

One of these men is the fart offender. Anyone else think it’s hilarious that they’re both posing with Pepé Le Pew?

But this, THIS is about the funniest thing EVER! OMG at the written note the management gave to Mr. Chatty Ass-ey:

Several of the employee’s coworkers in the “module,” or work area, had complained to management about the smell. A supervisor, Deputy Division Director and a Module Manager all spoke with the employee on separate occasions about his need to control his flatulence.

“You said that you would try to pass gas and that you would turn your fan on when it happens,” the Module Manager wrote of a discussion that took place on May 18, 2012. “I explained to you that turning on the fan would cause the smell to spread and worsen the air quality in the module.”

I can’t even finish writing this with a straight face. I mean…is this real? How you gonna go to work all day and blind folks with your fart gas? What the cuss??!

Well, as soon as the higher-ups found out about the reprimand, I guess fear of a lawsuit is more important than the noses of the folks who work around Mr. Farty Pants.

Reached for comment, SSA spokesperson Mark Hinkle told TODAY, “A reprimand was issued to the employee; however, when senior management became aware of the reprimand it was rescinded on December 17, 2012.  The agency cannot comment further due to privacy concerns. “

But where do you draw the line between being politically correct and saving your employees from sniffing boo-boo gas all day?

[Source]

MAJOR. WIG. SCARE. IN. BED…..He turned to cuddle, but as he was turning, his arm was pulling on my 16” Remi.

Had to pull it real quick & subtly while he wasn’t looking…*phew, OMG!*

OMGGGGG….!!!!!! Plus, the makeup problem is still hilarious lol!

So much work :’(

While I didn’t wear a wig when I was dating The Hubster, I did roll my hair and wore a bonnet that he affectionately called “the mushroom cloud.”

So spill it ladies. Any embarrassing hair-related events happen while you’re playing house with your rainbeau that you’d care to share?

This one won an award.

The author is a man named John Scalzi, and he has his own blog entitled Whatever.  He’s a fantastic writer, and a great humorist, as well.  How could you not like a guy who says things like, (in reference to guys who are macho-douchebag-alpha-males) “By all indications their definition [of a 'beta male'] is something along the lines of ‘a man who sees women as something other than a mute dispensary of sandwiches and boobies…’”  That. Is. Classic.

You can read the article here and I suggest you do so, regardless of your sexual preference, race, or gender: http://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/05/15/straight-white-male-the-lowest-difficulty-setting-there-is/

NerdSpeak

The article is an attempt to get us straight white guys to understand that we are privileged in that our skin color, sexual orientation, and gender are less of a barrier to advancement in our jobs, social lives, and everywhere else than those who are not straight, white and male.  What’s probably the best vantage point to explain this to white guys?  Video games.

Yes, video games.  The author, John Scalzi who is a New York Times bestselling author, is also obviously a genius.  Now, not EVERY white guy is going to understand video game-speak, but the majority of us will.  Mr. Scalzi understands that it’s somewhat of a common factor among younger, straight white guys.  Perhaps because we’re privileged enough to all have the money and time to play them.  The point could be argued.

Anyway, the title of the article is, “Straight White Male: The Lowest Difficulty Setting There Is.”  An apt name, and Mr. Scalzi lays out exactly how being a straight white male is just easier, in terms of the difficulty settings that video games operate on.

What If I Don’t Play Video Games?

Well then firstly, congratulations.  You are probably much more productive than the rest of us.  Secondly, no problem.  Just know that video games have difficulty settings that determine how difficult it is to play the game.  If you choose the Easy difficulty setting on a game, then tasks will be easier to complete, money easier to acquire, characters in the game will more than likely be apt to help you; whereas, all of these things would be much more difficult if you were to choose the Hard difficulty setting – or, as John Scalzi states in the article, the Hardcore setting, if you’re a Gay Minority Female.

I won’t get into the details of the article, because you should read it for yourself.  I will, however, put forth my personal viewpoint.

Brace Yourselves, Fellow White People

Yup.  It’s true.  It’s just easier to be a straight white male than it is to be any other combination of sexual orientation, race, or gender.  Economically, we get better jobs and make more money.  Sociologically, there are less of us in jail.  Educationally, there are more of us in college.  Racially, we are less likely to be profiled by just about everybody.  Socially, we move through the ranks with more ease.

Now, am I upset at the realization that I’ve had it easier?  Definitely not.  I AM however, upset about three things:

1. It’s probably made me more soft than I’d like to admit.
2. Other people aren’t afforded the same opportunities that I am.
3. I’ve taken my opportunities for granted for a very long time.

Maybe, if I had more hardship growing up, I would have more common sense (I’m a bit lacking in that department).  Maybe, if I had more barriers to overcome, I would be more organized and hard-working.  Maybe, if I were made to suffer, my successes would have more meaning and I wouldn’t take so much for granted.  Or, maybe I would have just given up.  Who knows?

I know a lot of white people.  Many of them do not take their stations in life for granted, and appreciate what they have.  Many of them are interested in helping those who might not have it so easy.  And there are many who are oblivious to the fact that they’ve had it easier.

Some might be upset with me and think, “well I grew up just as poor as many of the minorities around me.”  That may well be true.  I would say to them, “you may have started off at the same level of poverty, but your difficulty setting is lower and so it’s much easier for you to get a job and change your station.”

Case-In-Point

I feel like there are a bazillion cases of this “white privilege” that could be examined, not only in viewing the ease with which straight white males move through the various realms of society and careers, but the higher degree of difficulty with which minorities deal with daily.  I would use a really stereotypical example, but that just wouldn’t be me.

Take Ameenah Kaplan.  Ameenah Kaplan is a mildly successful actress, dancer, choreographer, and drummer/percussionist/musician.  She plays the character “Val” on seven episodes of The Office (American version).  She’s black, her sexual orientation is unbeknownst to me (although I sincerely hope that she’s straight.  I’ve got a serious crush.), and obviously she is female.

Ameenah Kaplan

I found out about her when I saw an episode of The Office that she was in.  I immediately went to IMDB and looked up her profile.  You can find it here: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0438188/

I was stunned to find out that she’s been in STOMP!, The Office, directed a Rap Opera about homosexuality, and been in numerous tv shows and movies.  I had never heard of her!

I then thought, why is this woman not a headlining star?  She’s BEAUTIFUL.  She’s been in everything.  She’s (at the very least) a quadruple threat.  And she’s black.

Oh yeah…she’s black.  Upon this realization, I got pretty frustrated that people would discriminate against my future wife.  She’s put in what is possibly more work than 99% of Hollywood stars, and yet gets about 1% of the recognition.  How is that fair?  It’s just not.  I cannot imagine the amount of work that she’s put into her career to gain the modicum of success that she has.  I also cannot imagine the amount of success she would have if she were a straight white guy.  She seems like a very kindhearted individual, and I hope that her station in life does not frustrate her.

She seems like the type of person that said to herself at a young age, “I know that people are discriminating against me because I’m a minority and a woman.  I refuse to let that stop me from achieving any of the dreams that I have for my life.”  She most certainly has been a busy person, claiming victories in her career.

Summation Time

In summary, straight white guys DO have it easier.  Please don’t hate us for this, because we did not choose our skin color, gender, or (debatably) our sexual orientation.  Unless one of us is disrespectful toward you based on your skin color, gender, or sexual orientation.  In that case, feel free to write them off.

You might be upset because of the straight white male’s privileged history, in relation to the lack of privilege in others’ history.  I cannot control the actions of my ancestors any more than any of us can.  All I can do is to learn about all people and try to make the future a better one.

Also, if you know Ameenah Kaplan, tell her that I’m in love with her and will move to wherever she lives, and marry her and massage her feet whenever she wants.  For now I’ll just have to be content to continue watching the videos of her playing percussion, with great skill and beauty, on her YouTube channel, which you can find here:

http://www.youtube.com/user/ayottegirl74?feature=watch

- Teach