Beyond Black & White » Interviews http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Sat, 25 Oct 2014 10:00:12 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.0 I Told Tyler Perry I Want to See More HEALTHY Swirl Relationships on the Tom Joyner Show This Morning http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/told-tyler-perry-want-see-healthy-swirl-relationships-tom-joyner-show-morning/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/told-tyler-perry-want-see-healthy-swirl-relationships-tom-joyner-show-morning/#comments Fri, 14 Mar 2014 13:57:00 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=29208 I had the opportunity of a lifetime today to speak my piece to Tyler Perry and get the peanut gallery to admit that colorism plays a MAJOR role in the dating options with black women. Oh, and we talked about my show, “Swirlr” too. During the show, Tyler Perry teased that black men have a […]

The post I Told Tyler Perry I Want to See More HEALTHY Swirl Relationships on the Tom Joyner Show This Morning appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
I had the opportunity of a lifetime today to speak my piece to Tyler Perry and get the peanut gallery to admit that colorism plays a MAJOR role in the dating options with black women. Oh, and we talked about my show, “Swirlr” too. ;-)

During the show, Tyler Perry teased that black men have a problem that white men are taking the finest and best-of-the-best black women. “There are fine looking black women every day being passed up by black men,” says me. The men actually ADMITTED colorism plays a role in black women’s dating options.

You can listen here.

The post I Told Tyler Perry I Want to See More HEALTHY Swirl Relationships on the Tom Joyner Show This Morning appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/told-tyler-perry-want-see-healthy-swirl-relationships-tom-joyner-show-morning/feed/ 229
Check Out My “Swirlr” Interview on CNN/HLN…Now the World Knows…Mwhhahaha! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/check-swirlr-interview-cnnhln/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/check-swirlr-interview-cnnhln/#comments Sun, 09 Mar 2014 16:18:09 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=29108 I was sick as a dog doing this show, but I managed to keep it together long enough to not look like I was ready to throw up on my shoes. I love the folks over at CNN…they are the only network that’s been so supportive of the notion of our changing demographic, and acknowledging […]

The post Check Out My “Swirlr” Interview on CNN/HLN…Now the World Knows…Mwhhahaha! appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
1911812_10202106999610741_762645392_n

I was sick as a dog doing this show, but I managed to keep it together long enough to not look like I was ready to throw up on my shoes. I love the folks over at CNN…they are the only network that’s been so supportive of the notion of our changing demographic, and acknowledging it in a fun and positive way. Let’s hope the other networks will catch on. In the meantime, enjoy my frog voice. And after sleeping an entire day, I’m way better. Now back to work!

The post Check Out My “Swirlr” Interview on CNN/HLN…Now the World Knows…Mwhhahaha! appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/check-swirlr-interview-cnnhln/feed/ 42
Who Raped Chris Brown? Sexual Assault Has No Gender http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/raped-chris-brown-sexual-assault-gender/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/raped-chris-brown-sexual-assault-gender/#comments Wed, 09 Oct 2013 14:10:51 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=25827 The internet is buzzing about the latest oral slip up coming from Public Enemy Number #1 also known as Chris Brown. Now I’m so sure this isn’t a friendly space for a man such as he, considering his past, his prior inability to man up and take responsibility for his actions, and his enormous mouth […]

The post Who Raped Chris Brown? Sexual Assault Has No Gender appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
The internet is buzzing about the latest oral slip up coming from Public Enemy Number #1 also known as Chris Brown. Now I’m so sure this isn’t a friendly space for a man such as he, considering his past, his prior inability to man up and take responsibility for his actions, and his enormous mouth in foot moments but his latest interview was a gold mine of introspection.

The 24 year old pop superstar recently conducted an interview with the Guardian where he revealed details about his childhood that were both shocking, and unfortunately, all too common among Black and Latino males.

Chris Brown playing hoops for his high school team.

 His mother worked in a daycare facility, his father as a corrections officer in a local prison, and they had one other child, his older sister.

When Brown was two, he began copying Michael Jackson’s dance moves, and was soon singing in his church choir and competing in local talent shows.

His parents divorced when he was seven, and before long he and his sister and mother were living with her new husband in a trailer park, where in the past he has described lying in bed listening to his stepfather beat his mother.

And almost as if he’s any other young Black male that I’ve asked this question of, he further goes on to disclose even more insight into who he would grow to become.

He lost his virginity when he was eight years old, to a local girl who was 14 or 15. Seriously? “Yeah, really. Uh-huh.” He grins and chuckles. “It’s different in the country.” Brown grew up with a great gang of boy cousins, and they watched so much porn that he was raring to go.

“By that point, we were already kind of like hot to trot, you know what I’m saying? Like, girls, we weren’t afraid to talk to them; I wasn’t afraid. So, at eight, being able to do it, it kind of preps you for the long run, so you can be a beast at it. You can be the best at it.”

When asked if he could do it all again, and live his life as a regular teenager and young adult, he responds:

“Honestly, where I’m from, probably not. I think me being able to travel from the small town I was from, me already having a good IQ, and you know being intelligent, and regular stuff, I just had to learn more and more of the street life, you know, how to manoeuvre around a room full of wolves.”

He is finally able to discuss his prior legal matters including his anger management training:

“I think the actual class I went to was a little bit sexist.” What does he mean? “It was beneficial because it made me cater more to a woman’s thoughts and a woman’s needs, and how to handle situations. But the class itself, no disrespect to the class, but the class itself only tells you you’re wrong, you’re wrong, you’re wrong.”

These few excerpts are merely a sample of what many young males have to endure. The ways in which they are sexual exploitation and exposed to violence differ from the ways females become indoctrinated into intimacy abuse.

You can’t begin to find a solution to the problems that plagues women regarding sexual assault and abuse until we take a good hard look at the sexual abuse of their abusers, namly, the males.

I was not surprised to see that his father is a correctional office, law enforcement employees are notorious for being abusive and dysfunctional, though I won’t accuse his natural father of being violent, I will say the behavior of those that work with society’s cast offs are damaged by association. I’ve yet to see a soft spoken, polite and behaviorally healthy officer of the law. This isn’t up for debate from the police apologists.

Chris Brown with his father Clinton Brown after a show in Portsmouth, Va., in 2007.

The sexual abuse and exploitation of CHILDREN is an everyday occurrence though we spend much more time focusing on systematic instances of child sex abuse rather than those that occur right under our nose.

Rihanna might want to know who raped Chris Brown, because the 14 or 15 year old girl that tampered with this boys understanding of his selfhood contributed to the demon that would eat up the young man that he was to become.

Chris’ step father, Danielle Hawkins, denies that any physical abuse ever took place, however, he is also blind due to a self inflicted gun shot wound that happened during an altercation with CB’s mother. You can stand and deny truth to the beating allegations until the sun rises, at some point, you have to just call BS and go with the evidence. I’m wondering how a non-violent man, or an emotionally/mentally sound man ends up with a gun drawn to his own skull during an argument with his spouse.

Meanwhile, as we deny the problems at hand, someone might wanna call 911…because a child was raped.

I don’t care who thinks it’s an appropriate induction for males, I don’t care how many damaged males he had supporting his demise, I just don’t care.

This story is similar to dozens of other stories told by me by young black men who were forced into sexual play with an adult under the forceful eyes of a DBR male relative.

This is the same story as those males who are shown porn and who must listen to the DBR male’s objective and damaging dialogue regarding black women, and women in general. They are quick to have audio and video supporting their aghast at women; they codify and make abuse a right of passage for other males.

This is the same story as those males who told me of how they were instigated, touched, forced and bullied into sexual situations by other males that they did not want to be a part of.

This is the same story as those males who told me of inappropriate rough house play that occurred at the hands of generous family members, clergy members, coaches and neighbors. They told me of the strange conflict in knowing they are male, dominant and suddenly made aware of their weakness that follows the theft of one’s innocence.

What I care about is the person who abused the teen girl so that she would go on to become a child sex abuser. I care about the environment in which young black kids must grow up in and nonsense like this isn’t acceptable. Even if the family is married and comes included with a white picket fence.

I care about sounding off and calling this disgusting display of lack of morals, empathy and uncivilized behavior what it is. Our children are abused. We, the parents, create the situations that allow our children to be abused. We, the family’s of these children, turn our head, accept the treatment and continue to insist that they will go on to be ‘okay’ when it’s apparent that abuse is the gift that keeps on giving.

If I was Rihanna….. I would be looking for that 14 year old girl. I would want to know ‘who did it’ to find out who stripped her of her person hood and did she take C Breezy’s innocence hoping to replace her own?

 

When I hear stories like these, I call a spade a spade. A boy child was raped, and he grew up into a confused, aggressive and angry young man.

Is he without blame? Of course not!

But we can’t feed the dog raw meat and beat him and then act surprised when he attacks. His phrase about anger management being sexist is slightly true, we raise our males in a slim corridor of emotional existence, they can only be sexually aggressive or violent or both. No where is there room for males to be seen as whole humans who can experience abuse and who deserve protection and nurturing.

Where does it end….?

Where does it begin…?

Victims become victimizers. That’s a fact.

These questions need answers.

Will we continue to be silent….

My name is Tracy Renee Jones….and sexual assault knows no gender.

The post Who Raped Chris Brown? Sexual Assault Has No Gender appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/raped-chris-brown-sexual-assault-gender/feed/ 26
Today’s the Day! Matthew Hussey’s “Ready for Love” and New Book, “Get The Guy”!! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/todays-day-matthew-husseys-ready-love-book-get-guy/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/todays-day-matthew-husseys-ready-love-book-get-guy/#comments Tue, 09 Apr 2013 17:25:01 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=20532 A book and a show, all in the same day...

The post Today’s the Day! Matthew Hussey’s “Ready for Love” and New Book, “Get The Guy”!! appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
My friend is a star!!! I can’t say I’m surprised. Did you see this hunk of gorgeousness on the Today show? No? Well, good for you I have it right here.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Oh! And “Get the Guy” is available for sale TODAY!!

GTG book

 

But Matthew hasn’t gotten so famous that he’s forgotten about us over here at BB&W. I just talked to him this morning, so take a listen to what he has to say. There’s a special offer for the BB&W single ladies who buy his book today. Send the receipt via email to christelyn@beyondblackwhite.com and you get a FREE ticket to one of his live “Get the Guy” events. Tell him you’re from BB&W and he’ll even give you a hug. ;-)

Event Dates:

Screen shot 2013-04-09 at 10.20.23 AM

For more information on events, click here.

Books are on sale now in bookstores, but you can order online at Barnes and Noble and Amazon.

Don’t forget to turn into the show tonight (it airs after “The Voice”) and let me know what you think!

The post Today’s the Day! Matthew Hussey’s “Ready for Love” and New Book, “Get The Guy”!! appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/todays-day-matthew-husseys-ready-love-book-get-guy/feed/ 20
Interview with Writer and Former Madame Noire Editor, Demetria Irwin http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/interview-writer-demetria-irwin/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/interview-writer-demetria-irwin/#comments Wed, 28 Nov 2012 20:38:34 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=14372 On location at the film screening and panel discussion of "The Souls of Black Girls", BB&W had the opportunity to speak with Panel member, the lovely Demetria Irwin, former Managing Editor of MadameNoire.com and mentor at Girls Write Now. We discussed role models, media images, family, and of course, writing. Its time for black women to start telling our own stories and defining our sexuality. Ms. Irwin is definitely one of the leaders to take up that great task!

The post Interview with Writer and Former Madame Noire Editor, Demetria Irwin appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
On location at the film screening and panel discussion of “The Souls of Black Girls”, BB&W had the opportunity to speak with Panel member, the lovely Demetria Irwin, former Managing Editor of MadameNoire.com and mentor at Girls Write Now.  We discussed role models, media images, family, and of course, writing.  Its time for black women to start telling our own stories and defining our sexuality.  Ms. Irwin is definitely one of the leaders to take up that great task!

ED:  Did you have a role model or mentor in your life that challenged you or led to your writing?

DI:  I wouldn’t say a mentor encouraged me to go into writing.  I was making the transition from working as an urban planner and writing on the side.  It was just myself.  I was working crazy hours and I enjoyed writing.  I was like at some point, I need to take a leap of faith and really try to do this.  I don’t want to be 50 years old and be like I never even tried to write a novel.  I could have been Toni Morrison or something.  I had a very supportive partner at the time.  So, I quit my job, started freelancing, cold-pitched people, and was picked up by people I was freelancing for two months.  I took a staff job and gained a lot of experience, and made contacts that I still use today.    One of those people actually turned out to be a cousin, just find that out.  So, you never know how things happen for a reason.  That whole saying is true.

ED:  Back to finding your cousin.  I read that you were a genealogy junkee. Where does that stem from?

DI:  That’s how I found him.  I was all up and through ancestry.com and I found living relatives from all around the country.  So when I moved here 8 years ago, I didn’t have any family here.  It was just my cat, and me I thought.  But with genealogy, I actually have about 30 relatives in this area.  I’m actually going to spend Thanksgiving with them this week. And I met a lot of this earlier this year at the Fourth of July.   So it’s super exciting.

ED:  What has been your experience as a black female writer?  Females already have a glass ceiling in journalism, have you met any challenges?

DI:  Probably just as a female writer in general.  People not taking you seriously, especially if you do entertainment, my goodness.  They may assume that you landed an interview because so and so likes you or because the interviewee is being a little extra because that is what he expects:  groupie chicks.  But as a black female writer, just trying to be very conscious of the image you put out there.  That’s kind of one of the reasons I like being a freelancer now.  Because I can work for a lot of different places and not feel completely caged in by a particular brand or a particular advertiser.  If I don’t want to write about something, I can find someone else or write on my own blog, but I’m very, very conscious.  I’m conscious about putting things out there that I won’t be embarrassed by.  I have 11 nieces and nephews and I want to write things they would not be embarrassed reading.

ED:  I’ve heard of this new idea of bringing black boys into dialogue about engaging black feminism and encouraging them to treat black females in a positive manner.  Do you know about that or any programs?

DI:  I don’t know of anything formal, but I do feel that it is incredibly important.  Because if these little black boys are being indoctrinated into this exotic or white women only idea, that becomes their standard of beauty.  I had a friend say at a party once, “I’m gonna take a white girl home tonight.”  I think he forgets sometimes that I’m a woman.  But he thought I couldn’t say nothing.  No.  I’ve dated everyone in and under the rainbow, but that is not my standard of beauty.  I’m not going to go to a party and say, “I’m going to take a white boy home tonight.”

ED:  So you know, BB&W is an interracial, intercultural dating blog.  What do you think about teaching young females of color that they have that option would create a more positive image of themselves in their minds?

DI:  I think that is a mentality that goes both ways.  Where a lot of black women feel if a white man does approach them, it’s a jungle fever type motive and they’re not comfortable with that.  And the white man is not approaching them because he thinks he doesn’t have swag and that’s what they know about black women. Black women love swag.  They want they broad-shouldered, knucklehead, two chains mentality.  And both of them are really confused. So it ends up with nobody talking to each other and they might have 10,000 things in common.  Race doesn’t happen to be one of them, but they never know because they never make that initial point of contact.  It really falls on both sides to open your mind.

ED:  How would you encourage mothers or black females to mentor young black children to pursue their dreams in the Michelle Obama generation?

DI:  You know I have 11 nieces and nephews and I have an 18-year-old mentee.  So I have a lot of young people in my life.  And a lot of times kids will tell the non-parent adults in their life, things they are not telling their parents.  Sometimes serious stuff.  Sometimes not so serious stuff.  But one thing I have learned is not to be the secret keeper.  If something is major, you need to let the parent know.

But for some of my other cousins and nieces, who see these positive images like Michelle Obama, there is a huge disconnect for them because that is what they do not know.  Because they grew up in the same type of neighborhoods that I grew up in.  So its just, you know, the mom who has the 3 or 4 kids by 3 or 4 different people and is just getting by.  Like they just don’t understand that.  They feel like  people like Michelle Obama, although they know she exist, like they don’t exist. Like there is something special about that.  So I always try to impart to them, that literally I grew up 5 minutes from where some of my nieces and nephew grew up.  “I know where you’ve been, son.  I know where you’re at.  There is nothing special about me in that sense.  I know the same thugs, hoodrats, prostitutes, like all the same characters you have in your life, I’ve had in mine.  But nothing was given to me in that way.  I just took a different path and you can too.  Yes, you’re special in your own way, but its not like magic.  But you can do this.  You know, its not unattainable.

ED:  What is something that you know now that you wish you could tell yourself back then?  If you could go back, what would you tell your younger self?

DI:  Not to be so concerned about the opinions of my peers.  It’s really almost impossible to admit to that.  You know a lot of these experiences that these women discuss  in the film, I didn’t experience that.  I never experienced colorism because I was just brown.  I was always a beanpole.  I always had long hair.  I had different body issues.  I had a friend who had like “the body” since she was 10.  Here I am this beanpole (those were my issues) and I want that!  I was always concerned with what some boy said or what so and so said about my shoes.  But its like in 10 years, I’m not even going to know these people once we graduate.  They will have zero impact on my life at all.  And to let people like that influence you for years (‘cause that stuff sticks with you) when people say things, when you’re at a vulnerable 12 to 13 year old age.  I ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and everybody’s grandma’s red beans and rice, steak and potatoes trying to gain weight.  I could have had a heart attack with all that cholesterol.  So I wish I had known then:  Don’t worry about it.  Be you.  Be smart.  These people might be applying for a job from you by the time you’re grown ups.  I wish I had known that.

Thank you for taking a moment to speak with us Demetria!  It was a pleasure meeting you.

Please check out Demetria’s upcoming projects at cocoafab.com and BlackEnterprise.com.  You can also follow her on twitter @Love_Is_Dope.

The post Interview with Writer and Former Madame Noire Editor, Demetria Irwin appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/interview-writer-demetria-irwin/feed/ 1
Oprah’s Interview With Rihanna: The Negative Impact of a Dysfunctional Father http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/oprahs-interview-with-rihanna-the-negative-impact-of-a-dysfunctional-father/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/oprahs-interview-with-rihanna-the-negative-impact-of-a-dysfunctional-father/#comments Wed, 22 Aug 2012 03:31:05 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=9801 Is Rihanna's relationship with Chris Brown the result of her relationship with her father?

The post Oprah’s Interview With Rihanna: The Negative Impact of a Dysfunctional Father appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>

Sunday night when I turned on the television to watch Oprah’s interview with Rihanna, one thing was clear. A weight had been lifted off Rihanna’s shoulders, and she wasn’t hiding it. Her long wavy hair, bright colored dress, and carefree laugh showed it all. This may have been the work of a good PR team, or a good dose of that Barbados air, but it was obvious that she was happy. A big change from the shredded clothing, inky black haircut, and hardcore lyrics we had been used to seeing her in.

This was aside from the fact that she had just lost one of her best friends– her grandmother. The person who had given her the insight and friendship she needed to get through living a life in the public eye. But even with this mourning going on, the conversation had to make a turn. And yes, Chris Brown was right there waiting at the corner.

It seems as though the mourning of her relationship with Chris Brown is just as strong as the mourning of her grandmother.  When pictures of her face swarmed our T.V. and computer screens, she wasn’t concerned about herself. She was concerned about how the world was negatively viewing Chris Brown. She felt “protective of him.”

Even now, years later she still looks back on their relationship and calls it love. Not just love, but her true love.

WOW. It really scares me to think that she still believes Brown was her true love. How is her next relationship going to improve, if all she can do is look back?

Rihanna stated that one of the best pieces of advice her grandmother gave her was to marry a guy that loved her more than she loved him, because “A man will only meet you half way if they love you a little more.”

I can’t argue that this isn’t great advice. But why isn’t Rihanna following it?

She says that she has been able to forgive Chris Brown because she has finally been able to cease the hatred in her heart for her Dad.

AHA. So here’s the reason: HER DAD.

I can’t pretend to understand what it’s like coming from a broken home, or having a Father that has abused the person who gave you birth.

But I do know that a father is your first male figure, and your parent’s relationship is your first example of how a relationship should be.

Even the smallest details have an impact. My parents don’t go to the grocery store together, and I don’t think my mom has ever asked my Dad’s opinion on what she was wearing.  So when I see this happening with other married couples it’s peculiar to me.

But even being surrounded by college girls, it is easy to see that your view of your Dad has a powerful impact on who you date. Whether that means you’re looking to be a trophy wife, date a guy that has no respect for you, or just be plain independent, it makes a big difference.

And in Rihanna’s case, it made a negative one.  Although it is great that she has been able to make peace with her Dad and her relationship with Chris Brown, I think it’s a little unsafe for her to be THAT CLOSE. The fact that she refers to him as one of her best friends, and so much of who she is is impacted by the definition of her relationship with him is dangerous, because it may be temporary.

Although his relationship with Rihanna may be stable now, it’s when he’s not stable that’s scary. How will that affect her happiness? We’ve all seen that side before…

—What do you guys think: Is Rihanna’s relationship with Chris Brown healthy? How has your parent’s relationship affected yours? Is there a way to avoid relationship struggles even with an absent father?

 

 

The post Oprah’s Interview With Rihanna: The Negative Impact of a Dysfunctional Father appeared first on Beyond Black & White.

]]>
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/oprahs-interview-with-rihanna-the-negative-impact-of-a-dysfunctional-father/feed/ 154