Beyond Black & White » *uncategorized* http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Mon, 30 Mar 2015 06:53:39 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.1 Advertisers Take Notice at Rise in Multicultural Families http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/advertisers-take-notice-at-rise-in-multicultural-families/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/advertisers-take-notice-at-rise-in-multicultural-families/#comments Thu, 26 Mar 2015 20:34:19 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36631 If you’ve had a feeling all the ads with interracial couples and mixed-race kids has recently ramped up, it’s not your imagination. In a report by Nielsen, The Multicultural Edge: Rising Super Consumers, young and savvy spenders are setting trends and establishing brand relationships with companies that confirm their existence. From the report: The Multicultural […]

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If you’ve had a feeling all the ads with interracial couples and mixed-race kids has recently ramped up, it’s not your imagination. In a report by Nielsen, The Multicultural Edge: Rising Super Consumers, young and savvy spenders are setting trends and establishing brand relationships with companies that confirm their existence. From the report:

The Multicultural Edge: Rising Super Consumers is a fresh perspective on multicultural consumers as the emerging consumer force in America today. It builds on the previous series of groundbreaking analytic reports on the attitudes and behaviors of African-American, Asian-American and Hispanic consumers and illustrates why companies should consider multicultural consumers as the cornerstone of today’s successful marketing strategies.

 They are leading the way in digital devices and social media, which they use to celebrate and maintain their evolving cultural identities, as well as to connect with each other and the world around them. In many product categories, they are “super consumers.

Looks like marketers are seeing spaces like ours and realizing a major opportunity. Beyond Black & White is dead-center in the lead of this trend because we are part and parcel of why this new trend is emerging. The report also says that there will be a population explosion amongst Hispanic (85%) , African American (18%) , and Asians (15%), and a marked decline (6%) with non-Hispanic whites.

Screen Shot 2015-03-26 at 1.17.40 PM

Check out this juicy bit. Something interesting is marked in bold.

marriage, couples, interracial dating, women with kids, black women, options, choices, divorce, family, widowers, men with kids, advice, swirling, blended families,Multicultural and mixed-race Americans are changing the face of the future. Prior to the 2000 U.S. Census, respondents only had the opportunity to pick one box for self-ascribed race. Beginning in 2000, more than one box was allowed, and 2010 was the first opportunity to view multiple race growth data. The 2010 Census showed that within one decade, growth of the multiple-race population increased 32%, while the single race population increased by only 9%. In this environment of culture sharing and shifting, the emerging culture will be led by a mixed blend of people from various backgrounds, and no single race or ethnicity will comprise a majority. Further data from the U.S. Census American Community Survey shows that between 2006 and 2014, multiple race populations grew 77%, while NHWhites in multicultural households increased by 30%. This indicates a stronger opportunity through proximity for cultural sharing and blending that increases the pool of consumers with a multicultural mind set.

Translation: Non-Hispanic whites are marrying interracially by the bucket loads.

Screen Shot 2015-03-26 at 1.31.04 PM

So what’s fueling the trend? Technology, of course.

How much you want to bet that news that black women are intermarrying at a break-neck pace will be reported on and blow the whole, “nobody wants black women” tropes right out of the water? Black women are at the center of building these multiracial and multicultural consumers with their non-black mates.

 

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What? Starbucks Wants Baristas to Talk About Racism? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/what-starbucks-wants-baristas-to-talk-about-racism/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/what-starbucks-wants-baristas-to-talk-about-racism/#comments Wed, 18 Mar 2015 19:17:02 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36539 By: ZacofBothSides Some of my best friends are Carmel Macchiatos. This is really happening.  No not Manny Pacquiao versus Floyd Mayweather , I mean, that IS happening, but no, this is better. And no- not Al Sharpton going undercover to capture a top Isis lieutenant .   Avengers opus 2? Could be fun, but you’ll […]

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By: ZacofBothSides

Some of my best friends are Carmel Macchiatos.

This is really happening.  No not Manny Pacquiao versus Floyd Mayweather , I mean, that IS happening, but no, this is better. And no- not Al Sharpton going undercover to capture a top Isis lieutenant .   Avengers opus 2? Could be fun, but you’ll have to wait a couple months. The NCAA basketball tournament is upon us, but honestly that has about as much mystery as an episode of Dateline.  Spoiler alert. The husband did it. Also, Kentucky will be your National Champion.  What’s better than all of the above wrapped in bacon???  Brace yourself.

 

Starbucks has entered our national pastime of ‘all things race’ by launching a program wherein their ( your ) Barista is encouraged to engage the customer in a conversation about race.  Baristas are even writing on your cup ‘#RaceTogether’ .

. Im not joking.

Howard Schultz the CEO of Starbucks has a history of making his personal opinion known on matters that have significant cultural relevance. That’s certainly his right. But on this, he’s oh so wrong.

Not only do we not know HOW to talk about race- we don’t even know how to talk  about TALKING about race.  I’m always curious when anyone suggests a ‘National conversation about race’  when as a people, we struggle to say ‘excuse me’ or ‘good morning.’

No offense to Baristas, but um, we don’t know each other like that.

Is this the future? Will the teller at my bank now engage me in a discussion about race?

“ Hey Zach, I couldn’t help but notice, you seem to have steady employment and an impressive money market account. I’m wondering if you’ve given any   thought to the racial wealth gap in America?’

Or maybe a waiter could drop by my table with a little riff on race.

“Hello. I notice that your date is a black woman. I wanted to ensure that you see her as a complete woman and not just some fetish. Also- would you like to hear about   the specials tonight?

I asked for ‘NO WHIP CREAM’!!!!! Why is this Mocha exploding with whip cream? You tuned me out 9 seconds ago when it was about ‘whip cream’ but now you want me to tell you about the time I knew I loved black women? What’s that? You’re out of the Turkey-bacon and egg on a muffin? It’s cool. I’m really here to discuss W.E.B. DuBois theory on ‘double consciousness’!!!  Ready?  Um….make it stop.

Aren’t there some logistical challenges as well?

~ “I know I’m holding up the line!!! But this barista just asked me why the media never talks about ‘white on white crime! I need a minute to think!!!”

It’s not the baristas idea. It is the idea of yet another, in a long line of embarrassing, disconnected saviors. And while the idea of people talking and listening about ANYTHING is wonderful, the author of this idea is beyond tone deaf when considering the way most people come to this conversation. coffee with cream

I had a conversation with a Starbucks barista about race. It was literally minutes ago.  I said, “Hi. How are you?”  To which she replied, “ I’m tired of drunk white people coming here to use the bathroom so they can vomit. It happens every year during the St. Patricks Day festivities. “

“Such douchebags” I replied.

She smiled.  Greatest Starbucks conversation on race ever.

I’ve tried in the past, and failed, to convince even the most passionate and righteous of do-gooders, to simply listen.  Because while yes, we are all in this together, there is a world of prejudice that so many people never glimpse. And by swooping in to save the day, as we so often do, we minimize the hurt.  Even if it comes with whip cream.

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Serious Question: Would You Date You? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/serious-question-would-you-date-you/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/serious-question-would-you-date-you/#comments Tue, 10 Mar 2015 08:39:08 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36454 Black women are in a unique crossroads when it comes to dating these days. Often, the openness to expand our dating pool comes as a result of some harsh and uncomfortable realizations. After the dissipation of denial, comes the anger. And alas, many of us are “dating angry.” We know we’ve been played, we’re lashing out, […]

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Black women are in a unique crossroads when it comes to dating these days. Often, the openness to expand our dating pool comes as a result of some harsh and uncomfortable realizations. After the dissipation of denial, comes the anger. And alas, many of us are “dating angry.” We know we’ve been played, we’re lashing out, and it’s coming off as fetid as those raw chicken legs you accidentally left in your trunk for five days.

Angry Woman and Confused Man

Dating-While-Angry is hard. It bleeds through virtually every experience and you’ll never be able to experience the fullness of what’s good, because you’re so focused on what’s gone bad.

 

So do I want you to push that anger away and deny it? Hell no! Feel it, girl. Feel it all. Scream. Cry. Rage. Go through the process. And once you’ve got it all out, smile and bat your eyes. You’re ready to get that guy.

Related Articles: “The Five Stages of Black Women Grief,” Part One; Part Two; Part Three

 

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From the Travel Desk: Las Vegas Bucket List http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/from-the-travel-desk-las-vegas-bucket-list/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/from-the-travel-desk-las-vegas-bucket-list/#comments Mon, 09 Mar 2015 03:59:36 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36429   !!!!!!!!Update:  We now have 10 reserved rooms and growing for our Vegas trip with 15 people currently planning on attending Jeff and Toni’s wedding!!!!!!!!     Christelyn and I now want to discuss what we can do after the wedding as a group that would be a fun way for us all to enjoy […]

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 wedding-bells

!!!!!!!!Update:  We now have 10 reserved rooms and growing for our Vegas trip with 15 people currently planning on attending Jeff and Toni’s wedding!!!!!!!!

 

roulette

 

Christelyn and I now want to discuss what we can do after the wedding as a group that would be a fun way for us all to enjoy our time in Las Vegas.   I will 1st list some of what Las Vegas is famous for.  After that, I will talk about some of the offbeat things to do in Vegas that you can do on your own time.  With anything that requires a ticket to be purchased, we can always do that in advance, however, each experience is different in their cost.  Some may offer discounts for groups or advanced purchases.  Other don’t.
Las Vegas, as a city, is the most attended city for tourists in the entire World.  It hosts twice as many conventions as the next nearest competitor…..Orlando.  What Las Vegas does best, other than provide World-class gaming and casinos, is their star-studded Broadway-style shows.  From Donny & Marie, to Mariah Carey, to Ray Romano, Sin City literally has it all.
circus
In addition, The Strip offers permanent shows that can only be seen in Las Vegas.  Cirque Du Soleil has 6 different variations of their shows alone….including a show themed around Michael Jackson, one around The Beatles, and one completely under water.  And let us NOT forget that Celine Dion had an entire theater built for her show there!  At present, there are 8 musically themed shows…..including Jersey Boys, Rock of Ages, and Tony ‘n Tina’s Wedding.  Chippendales for the ladies and Jubilee, the only classic showgirl production in Vegas is available for the men too.
lake meadThere are also tours of the Grand Canyon, Lake Mead and Hoover Dam, and even all day tours that take you to Hollywood, Ca.
In addition to all the glitz and glamour of the endless shows in Las Vegas, there are also several offbeat things that one can do while in town.  And they are all within a short 5-10 minute drive of our resort!  If anyone has watched the show ‘Pawn Stars’ on The History Channel, they know that it is one of the most popular shows on cable tv.  Now, it is hit or miss whether the stars will be in the shop, and when they are in the shop, there can be a line and a wait to get in, but it is usually never more than a 45min-hour wait.
wax
 Madame Tussaud’s is only 1/4 of a mile from our resort too!  How many of you have wanted to get their photo standing next to Harrison Ford or John Wayne?  And for those who are a little bit more adventurous, there is the Harry Mohney Erotic Museum located just 1 1/2 miles from our resort.  This museum is dedicated to preservation of great erotic heritage that is typically undervalued, yet is of tremendous importance.  FYI, the museum was created between a partnership between a preacher and a pornographer!
For our Disney World trip from August 2nd-9th, I wanted to mention some of the things you might know….and also some of the things you might not know about the ‘Happiest Place On Earth.’
disney-world-port-orleans
The property of Walt Disney World encompasses 49 square miles.  It includes 4 of the 5 top attended theme parks on the planet, 30 Disney-owned and uniquely themed resorts, 2 of the top 5 water parks in the World, 4 championship golf courses, 4 miniature golf courses, hundreds of amazing restaurants and small treat kiosks, and a major downtown shopping, dining, and entertainment area.
Some of the benefits of staying at Walt Disney World resort include: Prepayment for resort room, admission tickets, and meal plans, package plans have set prices even if admission prices increase,  complimentary transportation from and to the airport, Disney Magic Bands for everyone in your party, resort charge privileges including most food and beverage, advanced booking for Fast Pass+ attraction bookings, complimentary resort to theme park entrance transportation, and Extra Magic Hours-where the theme parks open up early or stay open later only for Disney resort hotel guests.
There are even additional benefits for Disney resort hotel guests, but we wanted to keep things as basic as we can now.  Resort prices are set for the year, but what is not set is room availability.  We are not specifically going to be staying at 1 unique resort for this event trip because Disney doesn’t offer any unique benefit for smaller groups that book less than 100 rooms.  Each resort is so unique and special, I wouldn’t want to persuade any of you from residing there on your trip there.
If anyone has any additional questions or comments, please feel free to contact me at (863)272-0206 or email me at destund@yahoo.com
Let’s have some fun this Summer
Your Friend and Travel Consultant,
Adam Wyler””””

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Beacons of Beauty: Black Women Who Travel http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/beacons-beauty-perceptions-abroad-black-women-travel/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/beacons-beauty-perceptions-abroad-black-women-travel/#comments Wed, 04 Mar 2015 22:30:32 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36368 I’m friends with a lot of black women who travel or live internationally, so I’m not surprised that a Yahoo! Travel article, titled, “In Spain, I’m a Prostitute – Challenging the Perception of Black Women Who Travel” has been on heavy rotation on my Facebook page. In light of Monday’s “Is the grass greener across […]

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Packaged Earth

I’m friends with a lot of black women who travel or live internationally, so I’m not surprised that a Yahoo! Travel article, titled, “In Spain, I’m a Prostitute – Challenging the Perception of Black Women Who Travel” has been on heavy rotation on my Facebook page.

In light of Monday’s “Is the grass greener across the pond?” post, I thought some of you might be interested in what the author had to say.

The basic premise is this: attention, comments and questions that can be perceived as hyper-sexual and, even rude, are unfortunately part of the travel experience for many black women. “Experience has proven that without provocation on our part, we’re more frequently perceived in a sexual way,” Stephens writes. Expect attention, especially when you travel to an area of the world where women who look like you are in the minority. These men (and oftentimes women) will fixate on your skin, hair, shape, confidence and attitude. I liken it to how many American women – myself included – coo over men with accents. (Ummm, hello, Benedict Cumberbatch and Chris Hemsworth?)

Even in places I’ve lived where black people are the majority, the men I encountered honed in on features that were perceived as “different”. In one African nation, I was surrounded by some of the most beautiful, graceful women I’d ever seen, and the men there (of various races) fixated on my hair, which happened to be long and relaxed at the time. It was literally a beacon that drew all kinds of unwanted attention.

The idea that men in other countries are more open, welcoming and proactive about pursuing black women gets tossed around quite a bit whenever travel is brought up on BB&W. Stephens notes that while this can be true, the attention oftentimes comes with “speed bumps”. It’s unfortunate, but while most of us pride ourselves on being individuals worth knowing on our own merit, there’s a decent likelihood that we’ll be lumped into the warped image that’s been built up in the minds of some foreign (and, as we have daily proof, some domestic) men. The picture isn’t always the most edifying – as was the case with the author’s Croatian bar owner who divulged that she reminded him of his favorite porn star.

“Cross-country hyper-sexualization of black women has a long history,” Stephens writes. She cites Saartjie Baartman as an early example of how the “exotic” beauty of black women has been exploited internationally. Now, the American media generously plays a hand in continuing the trend.

Case in point – I can’t tell you how many times I’ve argued with people who thought I couldn’t possibly be American. It’s just not possible, since Beyonce, Jay-Z and 50 Cent are the only black people in America. On top of this, I don’t act, dress or look like the few African American women they see on TV.

Just as many Americans depend on images from the news or the internet to form their opinions about people in other parts of the world, those who live abroad use the images and stories we export to form their opinions of us. If we don’t teach them that the odd sampling they’ve seen isn’t the full picture, how will they learn? In some cases, I really believe the same goes for the men we encounter abroad.

I’ve had what I call “paparazzi” moments in Florence, Rio and Cartagena. It’s when individuals or groups of men walk up and, if they’re polite, will ask to take a photo with you, all the while gushing about how much the love black women. Sometimes, all you see is the camera flash and a smile or wave in your direction.

These are moments when I just say, “Thank you,” wave, and walk away. They’re not generally an opportunity to engage, learn or teach.

Then, there are times when you have to seize the opportunity in front of you to change the narrative. While vacationing in Italy a few years back, I was baffled by the amount of attention that came my way. I was standing in the Vatican Square, clothed in jeans, boots and a heavy overcoat (because it was winter there), with a huge camera with a telephoto lens in my hand, shooting pictures of the architecture when I was approached by not one, not two, but three groups of men who propositioned me. With each approach, I got more and more agitated. I finally said to one, “Look, I’m on vacation with my family. I’m not here to fulfill your music video chic fantasy.” He put his hands up in gesture of surrender and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend.” I asked how I was not supposed to find his “offer” offensive. Fail.

The sad part is, I think this approach does work for some men, which is why they use it. I personally know more than a few women – black, white and other – who would’ve taken these gents up on their offers to wine and dine them in exchange for a brief fling.

Here’s the bottom line: simply by nature of being the beautiful women we are, we’re going to draw attention from the opposite sex when we travel abroad. Don’t let the stereotypes and sexualized approaches of some men keep you from exploring – the nations and your options for love. Regardless of where on the planet we may be, we should always use discernment in our interactions with men. Change the not-so-positive aspects of the narrative when you can. Walk away when you can’t.

I also love that  Stephens writes, “… if you are on a romantic mission, don’t choose a mate who fetishizes you.”

Ladies, we know we’re fascinating, multifaceted beings. Our race and culture are only a fraction of who we are. If someone isn’t able to see and value all of us – not just our skin tone, sexuality, accent or ability to stand out in a crowd – it’s best to leave them be. We deserve this level of respect and consideration from the men we choose to engage with – regardless of whether they’re foreign or domestic.

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Time to Dispel “Black Women at the Bottom of the Barrel” Nonsense! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/time-dispel-black-women-bottom-barrel-nonsense/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/time-dispel-black-women-bottom-barrel-nonsense/#comments Tue, 03 Mar 2015 12:28:29 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36339 Copying and pasting this GEM  from the THREAD word for word.  OK ladies and gentlemen of the BB&W community. Suit up and have at it. onmywayup4 hours ago Re: this whole “bottom of the barrel” stuff: I’m writing this post because @Leona_LoveQuest made a good point that many black women do struggle with dating interracially, or we […]

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Copying and pasting this GEM  from the THREAD word for word.
 OK ladies and gentlemen of the BB&W community.
Suit up and have at it.
onmywayup

Re: this whole “bottom of the barrel” stuff:

I’m writing this post because @Leona_LoveQuest made a good point that many black women do struggle with dating interracially, or we wouldn’t even have this blog.

I’m all for addressing the issues that some black women are facing, but I’d rather get into the actual issues.

“Black women are at the bottom” doesn’t actually do justice to what’s going on. I think we need a more detailed discussion.

I mean this could be a huge discussion, because there are many factors depending on who we’re talking to.

 

1377175740_938d8d0d13_z

1. There’s social stigma involved.

Yes, there are men who can’t take being teased, or who don’t want to risk their social lives and careers. Or displeasing their parents. You also have your run-of-the-mill racists.

That’s on them, but I don’t bother with them.

 

2. You have the “it’s okay to date you in private, but you’ll never meet my family” types. I don’t even go near these men.

 

 

3. Or, occasionally, the “I’m dating you because you’re not a spoiled white woman” type. Now admittedly there are some men who might find the black woman they’re with a breath of fresh air after being put through the wringer with their ex, who may have an entitlement complex similar to a lot of black men in this country. So I wouldn’t blame those men for feeling this way. But there are also men who use this as an excuse to treat you like crap, or like a novelty item.

I almost dated one of these types. He pretty much wanted to stick it to his “dumpy” white ex and prove that he could pull a hotter, younger chick. And in this case, being black was a draw because you know we aren’t demanding and spoiled like those white women are. (/sarcasm)

I felt like a domestic mail-order bride. Thanks, but no thanks.

 

 

4. Or black women who are afraid to date out because of black community norms (this has been discussed a lot).

 

 

5.  Not hanging around in the correct environments at an early enough age, not coming of age in the right time or place (for example, if you were 20 twenty years ago or if you are 20 now and are stuck in Mississippi…where about half of its inhabitants don’t even approve of IR dating, you might face challenges).

 

 

6. There are also issues like lack of savvy. I’ve seen a lot of young black women struggle with something that I call a kind of cluelessness. That is, they are not strategic enough in looking for a man. In college, everyone else was studying and dating. Whereas these women were just studying. Many of them also either held out for one of the few black men, or opted to remain single.

Some of them dealt with the church doctrine of waiting for a man to drop out of the sky. (Actually, I know this isn’t the actual doctrine, but that’s how some people seemed to interpret it.)

black-woman-looking-up

 

Many wouldn’t try activities that were outside of the black box. And then they leave college, and things get worse. They get into this routine of work, hanging out with friends, and church and their social life is not very conducive to meeting new men.

 

7. And then there are black women who grew up in the majority white suburbs, like me. Some of us are fortunate. We ‘get’ it and can mingle and date like anyone else.

Some of us didn’t. We were the ‘ugly’ chick in high school (because conformist non-black kids were too afraid to admit they had a crush on you until after you graduated college) and never quite recovered from that, so we stay on the sidelines while the white girls have their fun. We do the right activities but we never fully put ourselves out there, and it doesn’t really occur to us to highlight our best advantages physically. Yes, our physical appearance and how we present ourselves makes a first impression, as does body language. And when you don’t think you are an attractive or desirable woman, you present yourself in a particular way. A way that doesn’t come across as a desirable mate.

off the sidelines

 

8. You have black women who are too black male identified, as @Vivaforever (I think it was) mentioned below. And you find these women at all socioeconomic strata. Women like these do not realize how alienating this mentality is.

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9. Then there are some who just live in the plain wrong section of the country. Though I think this is like the “bottom of the totem” stuff in that it is an overused excuse. I’ve heard people use this excuse for places that are considered interracial dating havens for black women. So location is important, but it’s not as important as we think it is.

There are also other factors that work in concert that may lead to varying experiences for black women.

Note that many of the people on this blog who don’t have issues dating out are younger. Perhaps thinner. Often childless. (Have you noticed that even men with children seem to want to settle down with childless women? What’s that about?) They live in sections of the US that are a bit more conducive to IR dating. Have off the wall interests and don’t associate with the black construct.

Thanks to intersectionality, things like your age, your weight, how many children you do or don’t have, your education, and other factors also determine how you ‘show up’ in this world to other people. For example, a childless black woman may be advantaged compared to a single mother. A black single mother may see more challenges than white single mothers (oddly enough, I’ve seen white single mothers get married faster than I’ve seen black single mothers do this, but am not sure if this is just me). And a single mother who has one child may have it easier than someone who has multiple children.

All these things matter, and this is what we really want to discuss. Being a black woman with certain individual issues, and how those issues merge to become an ‘issue’ for black women in the dating marketplace. And how to navigate the dating scene with common issues that women are having.

Not just some blanket, “black women are at the bottom” nonsense.

P.S. Issa Rae is wrong about Asian men. They may be disadvantaged in the dating market compared to Asian women, but they still ‘date out’ more than other races and are the most married men in this country. The ‘bottom of the barrel’ thing is only a perception for them, rather than a reality. In many ways, Asian men are winning. Quietly*.

I suspect the same is true for black women–for although we are the least married women in the country and date out the least, there has been such a rapid shift in this** in the past five or so years that it is beginning to seem to me that we really were our own worst enemies in this.

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