ATTENTION SWIRLING DADS AND MOMS, BE SURE TO CARRY YOUR BIRACIAL CHILDREN’S BIRTH CERTIFICATES WHENEVER YOU VENTURE MORE THAN 50 FEET AWAY FROM YOUR HOME IF YOU LIVE IN WOODBRIDGE, VIRGINIA. Because apparently the brilliant folks of that city obviously banned biology in school, so as to not allow their citizens to have a clue about dominate and recessive genes. That’s GOT to be the only explanation as to why a white guy named Joseph had the cops called on him when he took his three BIOLOGICAL daughters to Wal*Mart and some toothless jerk (maybe security, maybe a hillbilly customer) sounded the alarm that the cute little brown children calling Joseph “Daddy” were simply experiencing the early stages of Stockholm Syndrome and were being kidnapped. Yes; the white man lovingly and leisurely strapping his three girls into car seats while they giggled and fought over who gets to hold “Daddy’s” hand was really a ruthless predator hell-bent on the diabolical. See for yourself:

DC Breaking Local News Weather Sports FOX 5 WTTG

Many of us parents of biracial children joke about something like this happening, but to see it played out in real time and real life is truly gut-wrenching. I for one don’t believe for one millisecond that anyone with ANY sense could honestly think this man would and could be capable of kidnapped not one, but THREE little girls, all of whom seem to absolutely adore their dad.

Could this have been a cruel and deliberate attempt at harassment? I wouldn’t put it past some folks. Again it seems that the coastal states reign supreme in widespread acceptance of interracial relationships. Must be something in all that granola and fresh ocean air.

In a 2006 interview with Salon that started receiving major attention only a few weeks ago, Jeffries is quoted as agreeing that sex appeal is the cornerstone of his business. And, in keeping with the idea that sex appeal is what the Abercrombie brand is built on, Jeffries only wants those who are what he deems conventionally good-looking to model and buy the brand’s clothing. He explained the Abercrombie marketing strategy to Salon:

“That’s why we hire good-looking people in our stores. Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don’t market to anyone other than that,”

Jeffries continued: “In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids…we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.”

While there is nothing wrong with a brand being exclusive and only marketing itself to a very niche market, Jeffrie’s words struck a chord because of how he said what he said. Abercrombie and Fitch does not stock extra-large or double extra-large sizes in it’s stores, which, in and of itself is nothing controversial. A&F is not the only brand to make clothing only for smaller sizes.

The problem is that Jeffries words make him sound like an asshole and they make his company sound snobbish. Even snobs don’t want to look like snobs to other people. And, considering the rising movement to put a stop to bullying and other tactics that leaves outsiders (especially those outsiders in high-school) depressed, lonely and in increased danger of committing suicide, Jeffries words make his sound as if he is a part of the problem and not a part of the solution.

Since late April when Business Insider published a story on A&F’s brand reputation–highlighting what Jeffries said in his Salon interview–and compared it to similar retailers that have begun to offer clothing in larger sizes, the company’s reputation has tanked.

Perhaps Jeffries should have keep his big mouth shut?

I was hanging out with my friend, Jordan Harbinger in Hollywood yesterday. Black guys always assume that if you’re walking with a white guy you and he must be together. This dude, who I don’t know from Adam, said loud enough for me and Jordan to hear, “If you want the crown, you got to go brown.” Normally I ignore that crap but it got a rise out of me. I said, “What did you say?” He got sheepish real quickly as said “Oh I’m sorry that was a line from a movie.” I glared at him as said, “Uh huh.” Later Jordan said he should have retorted, “Well, she won the fight and married white!” LMAO. I’m really SICK of random black men thinking they OWN me. I marry and befriend whoever the PHUCK I want!

Yes, you read that right. People complain that sites like this diminish by continuing to talk about black men, but what’s a girl to do, guys like this are EVERYWHERE! Some guy on our fan page had the nerve to suggest that black women simply avoid places in which black men like this are. But here’s the problem: we were on Hollywood Boulevard, not Watts. What’s this guy think black chicks are supposed to do? Stay cloistered indoors for fear to engaging with disapproving black men?

Mind you that the “man” who heckled me was a tour bus operator. Jordan happens to know the owner of the company and could have swiftly had him fired. I was thinking to myself, what does this guy think I’m supposed to do? “Oh! What on EARTH was I thinking?! I have realized the error of my ways!” I will dump you, a successful business man, a lawyer, a man who speaks SIX LANGUAGES, to be with a BUS OPERATOR, just because he is black. GTFOOH!!”

Of course Jordan was a good sport, but his friendship with me has enlightened him about how hard it can be for black women who date out. He has become more sensitive to how the media has given us a bad rap that we as individuals have to struggle to overcome. Here’s what he had to say:

I can see how this would get annoying as hell if I were dating someone for a long period of time. I can just imagine walking down a street on her birthday after a nice dinner and someone makes a comment like “why don’t you get with a …” and just punctures a hole in the evening.

When stuff like the street harassment happened, I often wonder if some non-black men witness such occurrences and decided IRR with black women isn’t worth the trouble. The truth is, it could. But not with guys like Jordan.

In fact, it would make me want to prove to her that I didn’t care when people did that and that she was worth it. Then again, I’ve never had it happen to me consistently so I can’t say for sure.

Seems like only a total wuss would leave a girl he liked because some moron on the street made fun of them.

This is such a top topic that I dedicated an entire chapter to stares and verbal (even physical) confrontation in SWIRLING. In truth, I don’t recommend challenging these idiots, but I was just too through with that mess. Plus, there was a whole bunch of white men around so I felt pretty safe he wasn’t going to act too much like a turd. Men like that are usually cowards…he picked on me because he thought he could get away with it.

No…this is not a joke. I only wish this shit was a joke.

Here’s what Lyfe wrote:

They are Black boys, and though Black boys don’t make up the majority of the school population, they are at the front of the popular social order of their school. They have the coolest (or at least the most expensive) shoes and they’re known by everyone. They’re fourth graders but they swear and talk about sex. They know about a lot, except reading, basic math, and self-control. Some are even violent and it is common for adult teachers both male and female to be physically afraid of them. Yes, physically afraid of a fourth grader.

Of course, it isn’t fair to pin these generalizations on every Black boy at the school, but it is applicable to a large enough majority of them to have a general expectation that is unfair, racist, and detrimental to their development — yet tragically accurate.

Okay, looks like he’s admitting that many of today’s little black boys are way off the rails. Good, right? Wrong. So wrong.

Their state of ill-behavior and inability to perform academically is not their fault though. These boys have been birthed into a community under the boot of centuries of oppression and deliberate assault by it’s government. Toppled with a cocktail of horrible or non-existent parenting and dangerous neighborhoods, they are in a state of subconscious and conscious trauma. This trauma manifests in their behavior and is greatly misunderstood and not acknowledged by the school system that measures and judges them.

Well here we go. GAT-DL boilerplate. But wait, you haven’t seen the worst of it yet.

But this article isn’t really about Black boys or their behavior. I’d like to focus on another concern: How Black girls observing the way Black boys are regarded in elementary school impacts their perception of Black boys, thus their relationships with Black men later in life, thus the Black family.

There’s a boatload of studies and statistics that reveal the staggering percentage of Black children growing up without a father in their home. This is another factor in the depth of impact that excessive kicking out of class and negative chastisement has on a Black girl’s perception of Black boys. Without a present and healthy example of a Black man in the home, this little Black girl has no counter narrative to challenge the overt and inadvertent negative message she is being given at school about Black boys.

I propose that what she is learning, or better yet what she is given, is a personal and real time validation of the message that is fed to her through media and society at large:

Black men and boys are naturally monsters. They are untrustworthy, irresponsible, and have no self-control. Black men and boys are undesirable, unreliable, and most obviously — you should have a low expectation for them.

So what, pray tell, does Mr. Lyfe suggest people of authority do to effect discipline upon wayward (and potentially dangerous and even deadly) black boys?

It is important that teachers realize that we are not only preparing our students for their futures in education and careers, but also in their development into fatherhood and motherhood. Every time (yes, every time) we are kicking a Black boy out of class or writing him a referral we are adding to the demise of the Black family. In the inversion of the situation, every time (yes, every time) we struggle with these little brothers, every time we elevate what a great job they are doing, every time we reward them, we are contributing to the revitalization of the Black family.

OH MY GOD. OH. MY. GOD. I just threw up five times. Wait. Six times. This has GOT to be the biggest pile of horse shit I have read in a long time. Really? REALLY? Punish a black boy, destroy the black family??? OMIGORSH!!!! Can not even believe this claptrap made the ethereal and electronic light of day.

Once again, THE PRECIOUS are blameless victims to be coddled and protected and everyone else is to put fingers in ears, close their eyes, and bite their tongues. After all–the black family is at stake!!!!

My very wise friend over yonder at the Facebook fan page, For Black Women ONLY wrote this, and it pretty much sums it up:

Yet another example why mainstream liberalism can be VERY DETRIMENTAL to black women and girls empowerment. Mainstream liberalism will take the “woe is we” approach, promote the victimhood complex among Blacks (especially black men) and push the perceived “needs” of black boys and men ahead of black women and girls. To many of these mainstream liberals, black women should still be resorted to Mammy and Mule status serving the black man or the white woman.

SISTERS, READ THE MATERIAL FROM THESE LIBERAL OUTLETS WITH CAUTION, CARE and a CRITICAL and an ANALYTICAL MIND!
“Liberal” does NOT mean pro-black women. Do not automatically see these people as our allies!

Note that in the article they state that black boys are suspended from school nearly 3x as much as white boys. Note that they casually gloss over the fact that black girls are suspended 4x as much as white girls. However the problem with black boys warranted an article and black girls warranted NO concern!

The author’s only concern was that seeing a black boy suspended from school would warp the black girl’s view of black boys. The article ends with the author’s wish of the black girl patting the black boy on the head and reassuring him of his worth–restoring her role as Mammy early on in life.

Some people just don’t know when they are out of their league.

We first learned that Janet Hubert, a.k.a. Aunt Viv 1.0 from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, was nutty when she thought that she was in anywhere near the place to attack Will Smith. Then she decided to attack Wendy Williams for bawling over Whitney Houston’s death after she had attacked her for much of her life. And now she is attacking Wendy AGAIN, just for pretty much saying her name (albeit incorrectly). Check Wendy’s interview with Tatyana Ali to see what incited her “wrath” (the good stuff starts at the 3:11 mark).

And here is the full audio of what Janet Hubert had to say in response to the interview above.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not here to defend Wendy Williams and her methods for success. She does a very good job of spinning gossip into gold, and it’s hard to find that admirable. Because of that, I can understand some A-list (or even D-list) celebrities having words for Wendy. But Aunt Viv??? She needs to learn her place.

So Janet Hubert, as I could see where you might have trouble with understanding my assertion, I’ve put together a list of 5 reasons why you need to keep your mouth closed:

1. Your relevance evaporated in ’93 when your tenure ended on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. We still don’t know exactly why you stopped being on the show (fired, creative differences, or whatever), but it’s clear that your career took a steep decline after that. It only takes a quick IMDB search to see that. And that was TWENTY YEARS AGO. As a result, your words have no weight and no one cares about what you have to say.
2. Wendy isn’t coming for you, and she definitely isn’t concerned with you. I don’t understand why you think that you have a soapbox to stand on that could even get you to Wendy’s ankles. Wendy isn’t making any comments about you directly. She is not taking any shots at your “good name.” Watch her show any day of the week and it is clear that she is pretty free with stating her opinion. And the fact that she has not even referenced any of your attacks shows how little your comments mean to her.
3. You are critiquing Wendy’s TV presence and how she conducts her show while at the same time not being able to master the intricacies of blogtalkradio. Listening to you recite your letter was difficult. It’s low budget, and for a trained actress, I actually am shocked at how poor your delivery was. You somehow believe that you are in the place to comment on anybody else’s screen presence when you can’t even “figure out this blogtalkradio thing”? I mean, you were interrupted numerous times by your phone clicking. Stop it.
4. You claim that you are a lady, but you read this ridiculous open letter attacking her character. The hypocrisies in your statement are astounding. How outlandish do you look claiming your lady-hood while also trying to degrade her for her wigs, “giant teeth”, lady parts, tremendous breasts, and big feet. You seem so self-righteous about progress for women, and you felt like that was appropriate? I must say, for a woman in her 50′s you truly exude class. Take notes everyone.
5. Once again, your relevance evaporated in ’93 when your tenure ended on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Anything you do or say has little to no significance in the media or in the world. And these ridiculous antics to get any type of attention are both pitiful and outrageous. Go home with whatever dregs of your dignity you have left.

Wendy Williams is not a shining example for standards, morals, or decency, and I’m sure she doesn’t need anyone to defend her. But we all need to stay in our own lane. And for the sheer, unabashed embarrassment that she has become, I’m gonna need Janet Hubert to have several seats. I’ve got them all warmed and ready for her. I hope she takes them while they are still warm because it’s all the more uncomfortable when you have to sit your behind on cold steel.

But my lack of diligence did not keep me from catching wind of a recent bit of “WTFery” that happened on the show.

A model named Devyn Abdullah was being interviewed by none other than Wendy Williams when the following dialogue took place:

Wendy: Is it hard to be a black girl model?

Devyn: I don’t really consider myself to be a black girl model. I mean, I know what my ethnicity is, but I’m fair-skinned and I feel like I have an international look.

…..

As for the fallout, let’s just say Miss Campbell has a new wig to add to her collection.

Now here are some images of the model in question: (1) (2) (3)

Ms. Abdullah is a single mother from the Bronx who prior to her shot at modeling stardom was working three jobs to care for her family. She is a very lovely young African American woman.

However, her comment was simply unacceptable and if she has a brain in her head, she will apologize for it. And I don’t mean because a cellphone might go flying at her head from some random direction at any minute.

She should apologize for helping to justify the othering of black women everywhere on national freaking television.

I don’t care what this woman calls or considers herself. I don’t know her. And despite this brain fart, I wish Devyn all the best. But I am so TIRED of African American women acting like there is something wrong with black skin. Or even worse, avoiding identifying with black skin for reasons that are CLEARLY colorist in nature.

When I initially read about a controversial statement where she denied thinking of herself as a black model, I was full-on expecting something like, “I am just a model like everyone else, and I’m tired of people putting black women in a box. I’m just me.” I would understand something like that, but no. She went and said, “I’m fair-skinned….I’m international.”

It’s no secret that the fashion industry can get pretty stupid when it comes to black women or any woman of color. And I can understand wanting to avoid the pitfalls that come with fighting for a single spot in the show because a designer honestly feels they only need ONE black girl.

But how freaking DARE YOU sit there, with a dark-skinned model sitting next to you, and Naomi Campbell in the room (a woman who is a walking talking modeling legend, dark skin and all) and fix your mouth to say black skin is not international.

F-Y-freaking-I, there are black women all over the damn globe being fabulous. There have been black women of various shades breaking down all sorts of barriers so a a black girl could even dream about pursuing roles and jobs that decades ago they would have been laughed at for.

Black skin is international because a black woman can go anywhere she pleases. We do not need a passport to carry blackness from one place to another.

And to whom it may concern, this is why posts about recognizing the importance and feminine beauty of DARK SKINNED women is so freaking necessary. Because some light-skinned women apparently are not afraid to get on national damn TV and act a fool, and help further the stigma against being perceived as black, and especially, as dark-skinned. 

If you are a WOC and you don’t self-identify as black, that is your right and that is your business. I don’t hate or shade you. But if you fix your mouth to put down existing as a black, notably dark-skinned woman, you have issues you need to sort out. And in reality, the fashion industry is not the best place to do so. Because like it or not, they will take one look at you and say, “Sorry, we don’t want any black girls. Next!”

These barriers get broken down not by cooperation, but by acknowledgement and pushing back.

We frequently get the admonishment in black woman’s spaces to never say anything negative about black men. This is usually followed up with the laundry list of past and current racist actions and attitudes against black people as a whole and black men specifically.

There is one problem with this. It shuts down the discussion of racio-misogyny, abuse, harassment and black male patriarchy against black women. Black women have created spaces like this one in order to freely have these conversations as well as discussions on improving their circumstances and opening their options when it comes to dating and marrying non-black men.

The reason so many black women have taken to the blogesphere is because black women for decades were shouted down and told to shut up about their concerns when they were brought up in black centric spaces on line and in real life. So now here we are gathered on sites that we control and that cannot be co-opted away from our own agenda and we get the call to check ourselves when it comes to discussing the very issues that these sites are meant for.

Why talk about Black men at all?

This question is as old as BWE and IRR blogs. It has been answered many times. Here is a link to a discussion from 2007 on the blog Black Girls Heaven which I feel answers it best.

I would encourage readers to not only read the full post but also read the comment section that follows with particular attention to this paragraph. I have boldfaced the key point:

“It would also be dishonest of me not to address the social pressures that BW who date and marry interracially often face, and to confront the source of those pressures and point out some of the key reasons they are illegitimate. There are lots of wonderful men out there; if you want to maximize the number of great men available to choose from, race is criteria that it would be wise to discard. This is not a statement of judgment or a statement of blame: it is a statement of fact.

Will there be people who see such a statement as “BM-bashing”? Sure. Will there be people who will decide that women who articulate such considerations must be “desperate”? Probably. But to my mind, desperation is a fear response, and nothing is more desperate than someone who refrains from speaking what she knows is true because she is afraid that people will call her false names and think false things of her. I know who I am. I know what my motivations are. I know that I am not an angry or embittered person, and that I have no interest in bashing anyone.

Therefore, I sometimes discuss BM here: because BW who date and marry interracially are constantly confronted with the question of why they are not with a BM (see my prior post, “Questions and Answers.”) To simply answer honestly “because I met this non-BM and fell in love with him” is rarely satisfactory to questioners, who will take any inclination to ignore them as a sign that you have been intimidated into silence by “shame” over your “desperate” choice. As a haven for sisters who are attracted to all kinds of men—and who refuse to be controlled by the fear of rejection, or the fear of being called a “sell-out,” or on the basis of any other fear—I am more than happy to provide a forum for us all to express our own reasons for our choices: because ultimately, it is all about us.”

Aimee August 8 2007

This is the mission statement of a lot of blogs that exist for black women who date and marry non-black men and who are active in the BWE community. Since our choices are constantly questioned and mis-characterized by black men and black women do not agree with our choice, and since silence when this happens is seen as agreement with that criticism our answering back at anyone including black men is necessary.

The Disclaimer Wars.

It would seem that for a lot of black women visiting Black Woman and IRR spaces the subjects of dating and marriage options,entertainment,sports,food, maximizing health and physical appearance, education, finance, employment are all fine. Resulting in lively, disclaimer free exchanges on the sites. In fact as a moderator I find that I have to deal with little to no troll attacks with articles and threads written on these subjects.

The same can be said when it comes to discussing limited options and experiences that black women have on the job, the status of black women in the general media and general society, black woman’s views on feminism, womenism politics and our oft times tense interactions with white and Asian women. Again a heated yet disclaimer free debate.

So why is the subject of black men in these black woman’s spaces, spaces that had to be created so that black women could talk freely of these matters, always the exception? There has never been a discussion anywhere on line and in real life where a discussion about black men that is anything less than positive has not had to pay the toll of the disclaimer, “Not all black men are like XYZ.” Further these discussions receive troll attacks that are numerous and vicious. The language would make your hair curl. Fortunately most of our readers do not see these posts since they are blocked before they make it on the site or are removed shortly afterwards.

Now I get where the trolls are coming from. This is a continuation of the shout down and STFU stance that black women, who dare to bring up their negative experiences with black men, get in life and on many black centric sites. The solutions is to either shut down comment sections, which unfortunately disrupts the discourse on the site and is the ultimately goal of the troll or moderate the site. As you know this site is moderated making it none too popular with the trolls since we seem to be ever present. That’s the plan.

I can also see where many black women who visit these sites are none too comfortable with discussions of black male on black female crime, abuse, harassment, colorism, sexual exploitation misogyny and denigration. Black men are our skin folks and kin folks. They are our dads and brothers, our uncles and cousins and sons. They are the men we went to school with, the men we live with, dated once and work with and most are great guys who are doing well despite all of the challenges they face day after day, year after year. What woman with any kind of heart would not what to stand up and defend these wonderful men when they are publicly criticized?

Those women are few. Of course black women stand and defend these men. The threats to the black man’s well being, safety and success are well documented and continue to exist. We black women live this along with the men we love and grew up with. So yes we must make a stand and state firmly and in a clear voice “Do not disrespect and denigrate these men we love, for they are great”.

Why aren’t these same good men returning the favor when it comes to black women? Just a word spoken. Some keystrokes on the keyboard then press send. An article? A website? Video? Anything? We see black women doing this all the time for black men. How hard can that be? We have trolls who are able to find their fingers when it comes to attempting to derail threads? Why not a few key strokes in support of black women?

Aren’t black women worth the bother? Are we not your wives and sisters? Your mothers and aunts and cousins. Aren’t we those girls you went to school with and the women you work with? Aren’t we the women you once lived with, the women you dated once? The women who held it down for you for centuries.

More to the point how come we don’t get the disclaimer “Not all black women are XYZ” on black-centric and black male centered sites when we are ripped to shreds? Anyone over there insist on that?

Didn’t think so. I guess it is assumed that we black women are not all XYZ so there is no need for said disclaimer. Right? That is what is said when that question is asked. Assume that all black women are not like that. Why cant that work here and on other black woman’s sites?

We sure hear a lot from people on black woman centered and IRR sites who insist that we not throw all black men under the bus and that we must preface every utterance, every article, every discussion, every post about black men that is less than flattering with the good old….“Not all black men are like XYZ.” This can never be assumed. It has to be stated each and every time. My question to those who insist upon the disclaimer is why?

I have two concernes regarding this. The first, why is there a need for the disclaimer in the first place? Why is it not just assumed that all black men do not fall into what ever negative category, subject matter or experience that is being discussed? There are great guys and not so great guys. We know this and we who are on these black women IRR spaces are specifically talking about the not so great guys. Why can’t we leave it at that?

The next problem and the one that most concerns me is the suspicion that most of this insistence for the disclaimer may be rooted in one of two things.

I mentioned in a response to a comment that the soft bigotry of low expectations may be at work when it comes to black men.

Here is that post:

“The problem that I have with attitudes like the one you are posting here is that it reminds me of a very destructive attitudes among some liberal whites.

The soft and slowly destructive bigotry of low expectations.

One is given a pass, the thumb is placed on the scale, a handicap applied and you are graded on the curve.

Allowances have to be made after all because, you poor thing, you really are inferior. It is not your fault dear that you are inferior but you are and since you can’t cut it we are giving you a break.

Too often black people do that to other black people and yes black women are expected do that so much for black men. Black women who refuse and attempt to set standards are admonished as race traitors, angry and sellouts. That pass is our birthrate they say for generations of racism and making life so hard for us so we’ll just snuggle up against the bosom of white guilt.

Now a sub-set of black women are not buying this. Heck with some effort we are getting degrees and jobs and achieving goals. No one is giving us a pass. No one is giving us credit either in fact they want to pile on more. What the heck is up with that? So we question it in black spaces, we got shouted down and told to shut up. “Be quiet, bring your talents and dollars back home roll up your sleeves and clean up this mess and don’t question why the guys are not doing their share. It’s been tougher on them than it has you.”

Hummmm. Now a sub-set of us black women have to question that last point. Tougher on whom? Really? Lets see? Black women get the double whammy of racism and sexism we get the low expectation treatment but we don’t buy it but the guys have it tougher. Check. Got it.

Okay. Tell you what. We are going over here and talk about this stuff on blogs where you can’t tell us to shut up and keep us from comparing notes.

No trolls and enablers allowed.

And the rest is history.

So no this sub-set of black women after much discussion do not do low expectations for black men. It is soft bigotry, demeaning and destructive and we don’t play that.”

Those who come to Black women centered and IRR sites with the goal

of softening, steering, shutting down or derailing all discussion of black men or at least attempting to limit the scope of those discussions will have to search their own hearts and minds to see if they fall into this category. Why the need to coddle?

I get that not every woman who reads such critical posts are comfortable with what they are reading. I get that not every woman who reads such critical post agree with them and could offer a potent rebuttal to what she is reading. I also get that among black women there are varying degrees of disappointment, anger, angst re. their current and past relationships with black men. Why can’t women just allow others to state their truth and leave it at that with out the. “The Black men I know aren’t like that?” Why can’t this woman’s space be for women to speak and share the negatives that have occurred in their lives with out the attempt to soft peddle the message.

My second concern with the disclaimer is that is may be a device that promotes the continued invalidation of the suffering of black women at the hands of black men. Suffering that has and continues to happen. We need to acknowledge that and validate that. Black women have created and participate in black women centers sites in order to share their experiences. This invalidation at the hands of the people who insist on the disclaimer may be un-intentional and again each person will have to search within themselves to see if that is the case. For those women who are attempting to tell their stories it sometimes come off that way.

Black Woman’s Empowerment

No, I am not going to give you all the definitive primer for BWE I don’t have to since it has already been written by Halima Anderson at Black Women’s Interracial Relationship Circle

Here it it:

http://www.dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com/2010_02_01_archive.html

I am offering link for those new to BWE and IRR blog sites as a way to explain just what the deal is on these spaces. To quote Ms Andrson:

“BWE will debate things that make your first reaction be, ‘This is taboo talk for black women’. But you must be willing to hear the debate out and to push past this block and fear of being a traitor, sell out or whatever term is used. Often the word sell-out are used as a tool to prevent black women from getting at the truth of their situation. We have seen it so many times and it is quite effective because black women take a large part of their identiy from being ‘devout’ black women.”

Of course one of the many subjects that will fall within the category of Taboo are any negative comments and articles about black men and the relationships between black men and black women as well as black woman’s relationship with the black community at large in light of her choice to date and marry outside of her race. This site does not shy away from these types of articles.

While Beyond Black and White is specifically a IRR site and not a BWE site per se many women who read and post here are parts of both communities and there is carry some over that can be seen in the comment sections here. The link below is from BB&W’s owner Christelyn Karazin and is a primer of what this site is about, what it hopes to accomplish and it should be the first stop for anyone who is new to the blog.

http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/video-a-bbw-primer-for-all-the-newbies-lurkers-trolls/

The video speaks for itself.

So here we are.

Each person who enters BB&W will have to decide for themselves whether they want to participate in discussions that touch on any subjects they disagree with and that make them uncomfortable. Each person who enters this site does so with the understanding that the likelyhood that articles and comments that some feel warrant a blanket disclaimer will not be discouraged and that removal is unlikely so long as they fall within this site’s terms of service.

Our Terms of Service can be found here:

http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/rules-and-terms/

So now it is your turn as members of this online community to weigh in. Let us know what you think.

First let’s take a look at what inspired this post in the first place.

This, copied from the blog, In Flex We Trust:

And when he get on, he leave ya ass for a white girl. -Kanye West (who’s current girlfriend is Kim Kardashian)

The white girl topic is like the elephant in the room right now. Everyone sees it, but no one wants to acknowledge it. Well, since today is #WhiteGirlWednesday, I said why not acknowledge said elephant. So after the jump, here’s 10 reasons black men prefer white girls (if you’re offended, f#ck you and your feelings).

Officially Ice
10. White girls can get their hair wet. It’s summer time. Who wants to be at the pool with a girl who’ only concern is not getting her weave wet. White girls just jump in the pool without any care.

09. White girls don’t talk back. Put a little aggression in your voice and she will do whatever you say. That doesn’t fly with other races though. They wanna fight. Always.

08. It’ easier introducing them to your family/friends. “Everyone, this is Amber.” is WAY easier on the ears than, “Everyone, this is Shaniqua. Just saying.

07. White girls have WAY less restrictions in the bedroom than œother races. You can basically do whatever, wherever with them. And they’ll smile through it all.

06. White girls aren’t looking to be in a rap video. Meaning when y’all go out, she’s not looking for you to buy out the bar and light the club up with sparklers. She doesn’t care about any of that shit. She just wants her drinks and music.

05. White girls have no problem spoiling their men with gifts. The LOVE that shit! It’s an ego boost for them. (See Kim Kardashian’s birthday present to Kanye? Ok then.)

04. White girls don’t give you as many headaches as other races. There’s no nagging, complaining, and other annoying ass behavior. No running through your phone and wanting to know who such and such is.

03. White girls cater to and love to take care of their men. Cooking? No problem. Cleaning? No problem. Anything else you want? No problem.

02. You ever receive head from a white girl? I rest my case.

Which all really sums up my number 1 reason black guys prefer white women:

01. White girls are just more FUN. There’s no other way to put it. If you just want to have fun without any of the negative shit, get you a white girl.

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All stuff we’ve heard before, right? And black women are to do what, exactly with this information? Go die? Relegate ourselves to brood mares for black men so we can raise more sons to hate us and date and marry non-black women? Well, not if this blogger has anything to say about it.

In response to this tacky but “You know it’s true that they think that post,” Kia and Brenda found this little gem from MISSJIA:

I decided to write this blog after a blog link Cupid Shuffled it’s way across my timeline on Twitter. I immediately rolled my eyes after noticing the post was titled “Officially Ice’s 10 Reasons Black Guys Prefer White Girls”. This is a topic that’s discussed on Twitter damn near every day; why Black men feel White women are superior to… “other races”. After reading the blog, I decided to write a response. I thought to myself, “I wonder how Black men would react if the tables were turned?”, so here goes. Feelings will be hurt, feathers will be ruffled, fucks will not be given.

10. White men take care of their women. Not just emotionally, but financially, too. A lot of Black men come from broken homes and were raised by single mothers. They never saw a man helping their mother out financially, so they don’t see why they should help their woman out financially. To them, seeing a woman struggle is normal. They have that “my mother worked fifteen jobs to make ends meet, why can’t you?” mentality. White men on the other hand are more generous. Nine times out of ten, their woman doesn’t even have to ask for help, they just do it because that’s what real men do.

9. White men have family values. It’s not often that you’ll see White men with eleventeen “baby mamas” all over the place, unlike “other races”… oh, fuck it, unlike BLACK MEN. White men usually come from two parent homes. They grew up seeing their parents in loving marriages and with siblings that all have the same mother and father, and that’s what they one day hope to have.

8. White men know how to manage money. White men aren’t flashy. If you’re looking for a man with fantastic money management skills, get you a White man. White men believe in creating a nest egg or a cushion to fall back on. A White man will save, invest and grow his money. Most Black men don’t even have a savings account… but they got them J’s, though.

7. White men prefer that their woman stays home and will do anything to create a comfortable life for her. A White man will work hard to provide for his lady and his family so that they never want or need for anything. Black men aren’t having that. Again, you’re dealing with men who grew up seeing their mothers busting her ass to make ends meet. They never saw their mother as the “homemaker” or housewife… even if ever became a Wife, she probably didn’t have the luxury of not working and just taking care of home. With a White man, you have options. They love women that are ambitious and want to make her own money, so if she wants to work, she can… if not, that’s cool too. A White man can usually provide for himself and his woman, so her not wanting to work is never a problem. Also, White men are generous. They love to spoil their woman with anything her heart desires, unlike Black men who are usually asking their woman for money to get the latest sneakers.

6. White men know that there are ways to make a lot of money legally. You won’t catch a White man hugging the block or in the “trap”, unlike Black men who only aspire to become a rapper, ball player or drug dealer because those are the only occupations the men they admire have. White men go and get an education for themselves and eventually go on to pursue six figure careers. CAREERS. Not jobs, not hustles, CAREERS.

5. White men are very easy going and laid back. You won’t have to worry about getting smacked down to the ground because you two have a disagreement. You won’t be called out of your name or belittled for having a backbone.

4. White men are gentlemen. These days, Black men meet a woman and within a week, they’re trying to invite themselves over to her house (because they can’t have company at their mama’s house) and fuck. White men court the woman they desire. They will come to your door with flowers instead of texting you “come outside”, they will open the car door for you, take you out for a night on the town, bring you back home and will be satisfied with just that. They usually date to find their Wives and aren’t just trying to get a nut, so there’s no rush to get into your panties.

3. White men cater to their women. Waking up to breakfast in bed is nothing out of the ordinary. And while we’re on the subject of food, White men have no problem cooking for their woman. If she’s tired and says “Baby, can you please make dinner tonight?”, it’s not a problem. Men of “other races” are used to being babied, especially since most of them don’t leave the nest until they’re almost thirty. They don’t care if you had a long day, you better get in there and fry him the big piece of chicken.

GAT-DL WARS

*scrolling text*

Episode VI: Return of the Memo

In the past, there had been previous attempts to communicate to persons operating at the behest of the self-appointed Guardians-of-all-things-dark-and-lovely (aka “The Empire”) to understand that spaces targeted at black women who are interested in interracial dating and are largely centered on these black women’s best interests (A) are NOT black love sites (B) as such, do not function in order to kowtow to persons who hate the idea of black women dating interracially or are hellbent on blocking such women’s attempts to do so. Additionally, (C) feel there are other spaces better prepared to obsess over “black love”, and we remain puzzled why such persons don’t make their way there, instead of trying to make IRR-sites into black love nests.

Persons who advocate interracial relationships and social freedom for black women (aka “The Rebel Alliance”) intend to continue to promote the belief that black women must choose men according to vetting skills that place absolutely no emphasis on whether or not the man in question is black. And if a black woman simply decides she doesn’t want to date or marry a black man, there’s nothing whatsoever The Empire can do about it. So long as she’s living her life and being happy, there’s no reason for her to care that the Sith consider her a “traitor”, “gold-digger”, “thinks she’s too good for black men”, “may think she’s all that but at the end of the day, she’s still black (because that’s bad?)” or whatever Jedi mind tricks are going these days in order to keep persons under the Empire’s control.

As so, we come to the latest memo. It is meant to communicate to persons who “hate-lurk” this and similar spaces that no matter how long they elect to mouth-breathe in these parts, black women here are not interested in their thoughts on ANYTHING. Especially our own preferences and wellbeing. It is also meant to communicate some things to people who fell into this space by accident and don’t quite know what’s going on.

First, “The Empire” is not happy with all the attention black women are getting these days. Suffice it to say….THEY MAD. Because time and energy black women are dedicating to themselves and their happiness is not time and energy being misplaced to run behind some black man who doesn’t want them or seeks to use and abuse them. Is not time and energy being wasted waiting around for people who hate them to approve of them and their happiness (yeah, that’s never gonna happen). It’s also made it increasingly hard to sell the lie that black women are not wanted and are undesirable. We’re beginning to see more and more black women on the arms of powerful and influential men of ALL races, and the more that happens, the weaker “The Empire” becomes.

Secondly, in a last ditch effort to prevent this, Emperor Kneegrowplease has attempted to execute Order What-The-Cuss,  a mental override code intended to stop the flow of persons joining the Rebellion. The hope is this code will effectively shut down black women moving away from black group think that works against them, and at the same time promote the lie that THE MAN (TM) wants to break up black households and send black women off to be with white men and black men off to be with white women. Thus destroying black love forever.

Anyone with a functioning brain can see the hole-ridden texture of this logic. Remember, Africa? It’s a continent. And last I heard, there were a lot of black people there. And yet to hear the some black Americans talk WE hold the key to all blackness everywhere and if we go so does all of Blackdom. Nevermind the black people you’ll find all over the world. English-speaking, Spanish-speaking, French-speaking, etc. All over the place, all continuing to exist and procreate. In other words, contrary to what Order What-The-Cuss would have you believe, “black love” isn’t being endangered by anything other than people who have no concept of what love is.

Love is NOT dictating to people their happiness based on your own fear, ignorance and hate. Love is NOT feeling you are helping black women by telling them how unwanted, unloveable, and terrible they are because they are black women and the only use they have for the world involves their vagina (it does not matter how badly you abuse the thesaurus to get that point across. It’s still ugly and you’re operating from a place of hate). And also, if you cared that much about black love, you would be out living it, instead of sitting around complaining about other people getting their life. You would not believe something so ridiculous as the fact that black men are being FORCED into the arms of anything lighter or brighter than dark-skinned, “nappy haired” black women. LOL. The BS is strong with that one.

Meanwhile black women hadn’t dated out primarily because of lies, fairy tales, and fallacies. But the script has been flipped and there’s no reversing it.

And to close, let these following points be the T-65 X-wing starfighter getting ready to take out the Death Star:

- More and more black women are going to date and marry interracially and haters can get mad and burn up. There’s nothing they can do about it.

- Yes, black women who marry tend to have better marriage rates than other groups. What do you think will happen when people who WANT to be married and STAY married get wind of that fact? Well while pressed persons spend the rest of the day adding one and one, how about the rest of us move to the next point….

- A black woman’s life and happiness belongs TO HERSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST. Not the black community. Not the black church. Not to so-called black leaders. Not to black family members and friends who would rather hold her back than see her live her own life merely because they disagree with her. So such persons need to get a clue and have a seat.

Anyway, that is all. Excuse me while I go bullseye womp rats in my T-16. o/

*I know someone is gonna want to stroll in here and go on about how they are black and married black (why are you here exactly, particularly if you are here hating on black women wanting to date/marry interracially? This IS an interracial blog. It always amazes me how many people miss that….). Well, good for you. No, seriously. That’s wonderful. However, your bubble doesn’t make the reality of OOWness and African American black male unwillingness to partake in marriage at a decidedly lower rate than other groups less of an issue or a concern to black women today. Other women of other ethnic groups want to be married? They think there’s nothing wrong with it AND NEITHER DO THE MEN IN THEIR ETHNIC GROUP. You know, the ones who take the initiative and make it happen. Black women today want to be married…they are told they are an “exception” and have black men telling them, “Oh black women don’t want to be married”.  Hmm.

Two facts to take with you when you leave: First, this isn’t 1973, please stop preaching facts like time stood still and black men haven’t abandoned black womanhood EN MASSE. It’s not a “great white conspiracy”. It’s the choice of a lot of black men. Second, black women are human beings. They are not a separate species. African American women may have been increasingly socialized to not expect to be married (to black men, who aren’t asking), but that can and will change as other men step up to the plate.

Have a good day.

The young lady in the pictures is actually signed to Ford Models, which is probably the most well-known modeling agency in the world. They own the faces of men and women who have graced the covers of many a top magazine and strutted on a catwalk at the top fashion shows. So, why exactly couldn’t they figure out how to cast a black model (or maybe an African one) in this spread? On their New York models homepage you can find at least four beautiful women who fit the bill.

But instead they offer this?

Credit: Ford Models Blog

Credit: TheGloss.com

On the left above, you see Ondria Hardin, the normal white girl version. On the right, Hardin meets black face…and black body…and black everything else. The uber-sexualized rendition of an “African Queen” is what, to me, is the most offensive aspect of this spread. There are many more images. And, while some of them are tastefully done, the majority of them are photographic hyperbole of the African female image.

The black female body is often associated with over-sexualized imagery and a mysterious wantonness. So, not only are these pictures rude because of the person in them, they exaggerate REAL black women’s features thereby glamorizing stereotypes and negative generalizations about the entire group.

Would this have been offensive had it been a black woman in the photos? Probably not. But the mere fact that the photos almost seems satirical or parodied and ALSO use a white female figure is just beyond me.

Jezebel noted that, at this year’s NYC fashion show, 82 percent of the models were white. And, with this type of blatant overlooking/disregard, it is no wonder why black models would not necessarily feel valued amongst their peers. I mean, if you don’t even have a chance at the photo shoot entitled “African Queen” then you might certainly feel doomed to failure.

Let’s think about it. What happened that day? Did they have a black model scheduled and she got sick? Or, maybe Ondria was just playing around with a photographer friend, the pictures were leaked, and now here we are? I would like to believe that the most obvious answer isn’t the right answer. You know, the we-picked-a-white-girl-because-we-thought-it-would-be cool-to-paint-her-black-and-then-call-her-an-African-queen answer.

Someone at this magazine is in severe need of an intervention. There is absolutely no legitimate reason to devalue black models and black women in general with this mockery. Hopefully, someone figures that out and quickly.

Feature image credit theGloss.com.