While you’re out and about, or rather, in and hovered over the computer screen, saunter over to Amazon or Barnes and Noble and pick up a copy (or five) of SWIRLING for yourself and for your gaggle of chronically-single friends. Remember, SWIRLING isn’t just for women–tons and TONS of men have read it and love it. SWIRLING is available in hard copy and e-book version. You can also send SWIRLING as a gift in both formats. It’s also available on iTunes.

Studies show that depression is at it’s peak during the holidays. Many people are lonely because they don’t have anyone special. SWIRLING might be just the thing to galvanize such a lonely soul to go out and find their Mr. or Mrs. Right. Therefore, SWIRLING is a cure for holiday depression.

“What’s this, Helen, a cure to my chronic depression? THANK YOU!!”

I got to drool over the newly-built kick-arse library, complete with Macs, a cafe, and a modern-lodge style study area with a roaring fire. Then they stuck it to me real good by putting us on the top floor looking at the window wall that overlooked Marina Del Rey and twisted that knife for the final kill. Yep. I’m jelly as hayell.

Nice to know we can pack a room of young kids…viva diversity!

When it Comes to Interracial Dating, There’s Still a Lot to Overcome

Two things struck me during our book discussion that I wanted to share. The young black and Latino girls in attendance STILL face issues with interracial relationships. The black girls wonder if non-black men are interested in them more than just a fetish. They asked me how to know how to identify non-black men who show interest in them (yes, the overtures are often different from what they’re used to). The Latino girls wring their hands about dealing with issues of colorism when dating black men, because being “too dark” will send all the grandmas and aunties to church praying and lighting candles in hopes that the children of such unions will take after the fairer-skinned parent.

College Girl Jumps to Defense of Black Men

Young black men were also in attendance and stayed mostly silent. As a former student, I know for a fact that each and every one of those boys are prime cuts at the university because they outnumber the girls by a 1-10 ratio, at least. After the discussion, one of the black girls felt it necessary to stand up for the brothers and asked Janice and I if we made provisions in our book so that black women were reminded about “the good brothers.” The silent boys nodded their heads in agreement, so I straight out asked her, “Why do you feel the need to speak up for these men? Why do you feel like they can’t speak for themselves? This is an open forum and they are free to speak. What compelled you to stand up for people who are welcome to contribute to the conversation? Please know if it is not your sole responsibility to “uplift” the brothers while you’re in college. Maximize all your dating opportunities as I’m sure THEY are.” This was met with a round of applause.

One Successful Black Father Recognizes the Challenges His Daughters Face

The other thing that struck me was the two successful black men who came to our discussion in the interest of their daughters. One of them, a divorced prominent attorney who serves on a variety of boards came because one daughter is involved with a Brazilian man, and the other, a Columbia law school student, pointedly asked her father if he would be offended if she came home with a white boyfriend.

Because he loves his daughter, he told her he would embrace whomever she loved. But as a black man, he admitted that he struggled internally with this idea. “It would be my preference that my daughters married black men.” I was impressed with his pointed honesty. He went on. “But when I was in college, all the black football and basketball players dated (and eventually married) white women and openly voiced their distaste for their own women. He admitted that people were surprised that a “black man of his stature” was not married to a white woman himself. He relayed that to the audience that people often said, “You’re a lawyer! You must be married to a white woman!” He conceded that among his peers, he’s a minority in proclaiming his resounding preference for black women.

This man had a unique understanding of what young black women–and his daughters–are going through in the relationship market. He admitted his dissonance and for that he had my complete respect. To put aside your own ego for the happiness and fulfillment of your children is the measure of a loving father.

Another father with a young adult daughter told us he knew early on that his daughter, schooled in elite private schools, was probably destined to swirl. So he bought not one, but TEN books for his daughter and the rest were reserved for gifts for the single black women in his life.

Don’t Overlook the “Nerds,” Ladies!

I made sure that I told each and every one of those ladies to maximize their dating options and Law Wanxi would have been proud to know that I advised them not to overlook the STEM students. They may be quiet and nerdy now but they’ll eventually be the bosses of all the jocks and frat boys!

What was a saying? Oh yes:

Attention all of the Northern California BB&W Crew! What are you doing next Saturday? Got a date? Want one? Join me, Janice, and a host of comedians for the FIRST EVER swirling, multiracial, multicultural comedy show. What’s more, our very own Dee Dee Russell will be a part of the comedic line up! You know her don’t you? She’s the brainchild behind Black Women With Other Brothers.

Take a look-see at Filipino comedian, Ricky Del Rosario, one of the cutie-pie comedians who will be there for your viewing pleasure…

Here’s the deets:

“SWIRLING” COMES TO 111 MINNA GALLERY

Authors of the popular romantic how-to on “dating out” join DateWhoYouWant.com and Halfbreed Clothing Co. to host a night of comedy and social mixing celebrating ‘the swirl’

Pop culture blogger, CHRISTELYN D. KARAZIN, and journalist, JANICE RHOSHALLE LITTLEJOHN, authors of “SWIRLING: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race, Culture and Creed” host a unique book signing event.

The “Swirling” social mixer will feature an engaging discussion on navigating mixed race, culture and faith relationships. A book signing and live comedy performance follows, with DEE RUSSELL, RICKY DEL ROSARIO, KIRK McHENRY and G. KING. Drinks and hors d’oeuvres will be served. Advanced tickets are $25 at swirlingsf.eventbrite.com; $30 at- the-door. Price includes a copy of “Swirling.”

*The event is sponsored by DateWhoYouWant.com and Halfbreed Clothing.
Saturday, October 13, 2012; 6:30 p.m.- 9:30 p.m. PST 111 Minna Gallery, 111 Minna Street, San Francisco CA 94105

COST: $25 (includes the cost of one copy of SWIRILING

Reserve NOW. We’re expecting a full house. Click here for details.

I personally like shy guys–still waters often run deep. And judging by the lines of Josh’s poem, he sounds just like that type of guy.

Me and Natasha cheesing it up for Instagram

The book signing at Barnes and Noble Perimeter Center was amazing, event though I was an hour late due to Atlanta’s legendary traffic jams. There was a crowd of folks waiting and it’s hard to describe that feeling. It’s like, “You guys are waiting for me?” If somebody told me five years ago I’d be doing this I’d say they were crazy.

I’m holding the first SWIRLING hard cover book I’ve ever seen. I had no idea it came in hardback until a lady said she bought it from her book club.

The ONYX book discussion was amazing! We had a great crowd and I was pleasantly surprised at all the rainbeaus who came out. Some of them made connections. I was even more thrilled about the ladies who came to the event who never dating interracially but where curious. One woman in particular was stunning, and shy guy named Josh was digging her, but alas, didn’t make a move. He’s hoping to see her again, and I’m pulling for you, Josh!

Then afterwards it was off to Sage for some delicious Greek food, dancing, and the official SWIRLING drink!

Take a look-see…

If you Atlanta ladies and gents haven’t joined ONYX’s outstanding MeetUp group, well…I just don’t know what else to say to you.

Next stop, San Francisco. Then on to Washington D.C. After that I’m going into a much earned, much needed, month-long coma.

*If you’re part of a MeetUp group or book club and would like us to visit, let us know! Hit me up at ckarazin@gmail.com.

Since a bunch of BB&W readers live in the Maryland, Washington D.C. and Virginia area, we’re expecting a few hundred people. But you know me, I don’t do just drinks and small talk–we’re gonna have shindig to beat all shindigs, because you’re gonna help us think up some ideas. Whoever comes up with the best and most usable idea the we use as the theme will win a free SWIRLING t-shirt, a FREE month membership with online dating site, DateWhoYouWant.com, and a $40 Visa gift card.

So get on it–let’s see those ideas!

It was my first time outside the haven of Manhattan, and I have to say I loved it. It felt more…authentic for me. Of course the absolute highlight was seeing all my BB&W peeps–especially Brenda55 and Sirloin, Karla and her hubster, Carlea (the makers of my awesome SWIRLING jewerly, accompanied by her hubster), Ana Cedeno, Vintage Narsissa, Lormarie, who was so sweet to let me hitch a ride with her) and all the other fans and regulars who came to support me. Some of you travelled far and wide, and I’ll love you always for that.

The entertainment format was a panel discussion about interracial relationships, with Marlon Rice of Good Brother Productions, Abiola Abrams (love and lifestyle diva), Alex Barnett (comedian) and Ron Worthy, founder of BlackPeopleMeet.com.

(from left to right)Regina Brooks, Alex Barnett, Marlon Rice, Abiola Abrams and Ron Worthy

With all the black guys in the room, I was a little nervous about how the “Swirling” message would be received, because frankly, the black blogosphere can skew your perception of reality if you let it. Turns out my worry was completely unfounded, because Ron Worthy, Sanford educated and married to a beautiful black woman, admitted that for the life of him, he couldn’t pick out any of his African American male alumni brothers who were married to black women, and openly advocated for black women to pursue ALL their relationship options. I about swallowed my tongue, because it was the first black man, married to a black woman (besides Ralph Richard Banks) who was so candid about admitting that “Yes, Virginia, we are really seeing what we’re seeing.”

The event organizer, Marlon Rice, event organizer, told me he read the book from cover to cover, and later shared this note with me:

“Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” – Mother Teresa What you are doing isn’t curing cancer or solving world crisis. It is small in comparison. However it is quite evident that your commitment to empowering young women by sharing your experience and perspective is being done with great love. Thank you for your service to our communities through your work. It’s needed, and it’s appreciated. All I ask for is two free tickets when Swirling the Movie comes out!”

THEN, one guy in the audience bought the book for a friend who thought she might need to read it:

The chief-honcho at Madame Noire magazine (a black man) sent out a camera crew to cover the event:

And here’s a biggie: Senator Kevin Parker (!!!) made an appearance and not only bought a book, he asked for my autograph and a photo with me. I was beyond honored.

This, and a dozen other little things to show their suppport, concern, and empathy for their sisters, I wanted to just take a moment to remind myself (and you!) that, in our quest for relationship equality, we do indeed have allies. All those black men, successful in their own right (all of them married or about to be married to other black women) felt absolutely no threat by the idea of black women finding love in whatever package it comes in.

And now for your viewing pleasure…

My pals Alex Barnett and Abiola Abrams will be on the discussion panel.  You can RSVP here. Brenda and Karla, note the venue change–we’re expecting quite a large crowd so they moved it down the street.

As others have mentioned, the opposition’s message against black women entertaining all their options has become more refined, because frankly that old business about dating one’s oppressors and knocking boots with Mr. Charlie just isn’t garnering the same fear it used to. So now the new message is, “Men are men, no matter the color!” Which if you read between the lines, you get the sense that what the writer is really saying is, “You think the grass is greener on the white side of the fence? Well, it’s not! Might as well continue to eat shit with your own people and save yourself the humiliation and insult of eating a white man’s shit.” (Yes, I know not every black woman dating a black man is eating feces. I have to point that out to the simpletons who read this blog.)

The next meme-de-jour is the criticism that interracial dating books like SWIRLING and blogs are egregious in telling black women that white men, and only white men, are your romantical saviors. This especially hikes my turd-o-meter, because anyone who has actually read SWIRLING knows that not one line, sentence or phrase implies that I’m trying to establish white-men-worship as a new religion. These people are outright LYING, and the spirit of journalism does not reside anywhere near the vicinity of their  conscience and/or consciousness. But I guess I should be flattered to know that some folks are so threatened by this book that they’re willing to lie and cheat in order to keep people from reading it.

Bottom line is this: Men are men, in that they all have penises, grow hair on their face, and can assist you with your procreation endeavors. But that’s where the similarities stop. All men are not the same, just like all black women are not ghetto, loud, and bitchy. All men are not the same, just like not all white people are rhythm challenged. All men are not the same, just like not all black men are criminals. Stop simplifying relationships to the point of absurdity, folks. Class, culture, values, socio-economics, and education factor into what makes a man, and you know it.

The other sub-argument is that black women don’t need a guide to interracial dating, because “dating is dating.” Uh huh. Guess we should just shutter every other self-help book out there, and while we’re at it, stop buying books on how to cook. Because hell, if you can make mac and cheese, you can cook, right? After all, cooking is cooking! Besides, these naysayers are kidding themselves if they think black women’s experiences in the dating world mirror that of other races.

I sat down with my friend, Sophia Angeli Nelson, author of Black Woman Redefined, and she had some choice words to say about this subversive form of messaging, and how the black media at large is working to continue to squash the relationship choices of black women. She’s worked for the majors–she is privy to much. Take a listen to what she says:

Myth of White Knight by Christelyn

What I find sad about all this is how GAT-DL media seems to be invested in reinforcing black women entertaining their options as taboo, while turning a blind eye or even condone our black, male counterparts finding love outside the race. I guess the only black people who hate themselves for finding interracial love is black women, according to them.

It’s not paranoia if folks are really out to get you.

Take a look see here.

BTW, I’m wearing Make Up For Ever #42, the shade I was referring to in this post.