Beyond Black & White https://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Tue, 12 Jun 2018 04:28:24 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.6 BB&W Live Streaming from the Red Carpet Tomorrow for “Loving” Premiere! https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/bbw-live-streaming-red-carpet-tomorrow-loving-premiere/ https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/bbw-live-streaming-red-carpet-tomorrow-loving-premiere/#comments Thu, 20 Oct 2016 04:59:52 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=41392 So excited to inform you all that I’ll be LIVE STREAMING from the red carpet at the premiere of the much anticipated, Loving movie at the Samuel L. Goldwyn Theater, tomorrow, October 20 between 5:30-7:30 PM Pacific Standard Time.  I want you to be with me as the stars of this acclaimed movie affair and greet […]

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So excited to inform you all that I’ll be LIVE STREAMING from the red carpet at the premiere of the much anticipated, Loving movie at the Samuel L. Goldwyn Theater, tomorrow, October 20 between 5:30-7:30 PM Pacific Standard Time. 

I want you to be with me as the stars of this acclaimed movie affair and greet us press folks, so you don’t have to miss one minute of it.

Be sure to follow/subscribe to my social media hubs to get notice of the live reporting:

Twitter: @Christelyn

Instagram: @Christelyn

You Tube (subscribers get notifications when I go live)

Beyond Black & White fan page

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Happy #LovingDay! Check Me Out at the #MixedRemixedFestival! https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/happy-lovingday-check-mixedremixedfestival/ https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/happy-lovingday-check-mixedremixedfestival/#comments Sun, 12 Jun 2016 18:43:59 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=40495 Yesterday’s Mixed Remixed Festival a blast. Got to meet so many gorgeous and beautifully blended families. I spoke to a packed room of people discussing interracial relationships. Met some fans and some friends. What a way to spend Loving Day weekend! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYVOo-uqpNk Oh! And check me out TONIGHT on “It’s a Swirl World” for a […]

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Yesterday’s Mixed Remixed Festival a blast. Got to meet so many gorgeous and beautifully blended families. I spoke to a packed room of people discussing interracial relationships. Met some fans and some friends. What a way to spend Loving Day weekend!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYVOo-uqpNk

Oh! And check me out TONIGHT on “It’s a Swirl World” for a special Loving Day hangout!

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Intermarriage By the Numbers: More Black Women are Marrying Across Color Lines https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/intermarriage-by-the-numbers-12-of-black-women-marry-interracially/ https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/intermarriage-by-the-numbers-12-of-black-women-marry-interracially/#comments Thu, 16 Jul 2015 16:09:37 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=37908 Last month, the Pew Research Center released new numbers about intermarriage in the United States. The numbers are rising across the board with a few exceptions, but there’s some good news when it comes to black women. To make a long story short, your feeling that all those interracially married black women you see on […]

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Last month, the Pew Research Center released new numbers about intermarriage in the United States. The numbers are rising across the board with a few exceptions, but there’s some good news when it comes to black women. To make a long story short, your feeling that all those interracially married black women you see on the street seems like a lot more than a few years ago, you’re right.

I’ve been clocking the intermarriage rates since I started research for my book, Swirling. That was in 2008. In 2008 and again in 2010, the rates of intermarriage amongst black women was at 9 percent. “Gender patterns in intermarriage vary widely. Some 24% of all black male newlyweds in 2010 married outside their race, compared with just 9% of black female newlyweds. [SOURCE] That doesn’t mean that a quarter of ALL black men intermarry, because only 43% of black men marry. So of that 43% group, a quarter of them marry non-black women.

However, between the years of 2008 and 2012, the rates of intermarriage for black women have risen from 9 percent to 12 percent, while the numbers for black male intermarriage remains about the same.

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To read the entire current study, click here.

I’m going to go ahead and claim a small victory here. Google black women dating interracially and see this blog pop up on the first page. We my friends, are making history.

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#LovingMonth: So…Young, Hot White Guys Don’t Want Black Women? https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/lovingmonth-so-young-hot-white-guys-dont-want-black-women/ https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/lovingmonth-so-young-hot-white-guys-dont-want-black-women/#comments Sun, 14 Jun 2015 05:36:15 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=37610 You never know who you’re going to meet when you set up camera equipment on Loving Weekend. I was just standing around networking and two GAAAUUUUGEOUS men came up to me and asked what all the hullabaloo was about. So I told them. And boy, did their eyes light up. They had a lot to […]

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You never know who you’re going to meet when you set up camera equipment on Loving Weekend. I was just standing around networking and two GAAAUUUUGEOUS men came up to me and asked what all the hullabaloo was about. So I told them. And boy, did their eyes light up. They had a lot to say.

 

People always ask me where in the world I meet these guys. Hello…I live in California! Los Angeles has streets paved with hotties–no lie. That both a blessing and a curse, because there’s so many great looking people, folks are always on the hunt to upgrade. Come here to play and maybe get a boyfriend or two, but don’t uproot yourself because you think you’re going to meet and marry the future father of your 8 kids.guys

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It’s Loving Day…Are You Allowing Yourself to Be Loved? https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/its-loving-day-are-you-allowing-yourself-to-be-loved/ https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/its-loving-day-are-you-allowing-yourself-to-be-loved/#comments Fri, 12 Jun 2015 10:45:43 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=37604 Today is a big day in the interracial dating community. It’s the day (and weekend) we celebrate the landmark Supreme Court decision, Lovings vs. State of Virginia, which outcome facilitated the legalization of interracial marriage in the United States. Little did two unassuming country folks like Richard and Mildred know that their stubbornness and commitment […]

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NYC, Loving Day, event, dating, mixed relationships, black women, marriage, biracial, blended families, meet and greet, celebration, history,

Today is a big day in the interracial dating community. It’s the day (and weekend) we celebrate the landmark Supreme Court decision, Lovings vs. State of Virginia, which outcome facilitated the legalization of interracial marriage in the United States. Little did two unassuming country folks like Richard and Mildred know that their stubbornness and commitment to their love would literally change the world. It’s because of them that we are all here and enjoying love across color lines and forging new, supportive communities and alliances. I am truly grateful for their bravery. It is because of their love, bravery and commitment, that others found the courage to stand up for the people they loved, proud and unashamed.

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Life and love aren’t nearly as hard as it was for the Lovings, and you have to ask, are you brave enough to allow yourself to be loved, and judge a man or woman for who they are on the inside? Are you brave enough to pursue the type of men and women you have always wanted?

One such fan has done so, and has agreed to share her experience as long as I kept her anonymous. For those of you with delicate sensibilities, steel yourselves–the letter gets a bit steamy at parts. 😉

Christelyn,

What I want to share with you seems so petty in light of the serious discussions that are going on, but I wanted to share that my babe and I met over the weekend. He is such an awesome guy. He proudly held my hand during our afternoon meal and kept telling me how beautiful I am. He liked and commented on the contrast between the colors of our skin. He kissed my hands. He is too adorable in person! He smelled so good!! I am wearing a tee shirt right now that he brought to me with his scent on it….mmmmm…His cologne is so sexy… We went across the street so that we could have Starbucks instead of dessert after our meal, we both love coffee. The Starbucks was inside a Target store. He proudly grabbed my hand and he stopped and kissed and hugged me while we browsed. His kisses are hot!! (OMG!!!) I actually enjoyed the looks we got being together. I was smiling and laughing. One WW actually made a favorable comment when he and I were fussing about a skirt that I liked. I had promised to wear jeans, but wanted to wear a skirt, and he said that I should have worn a skirt and I said that I promised to wear jeans so I did (which he liked me in….very much, he’s a “behind” man!) lol!! The WW said it sounded like her and her husband at home and was smiling at us. She was around our age.

I will forever be grateful to God for stumbling upon your FB page around this time last year. I am living a completely different and better life than I ever thought was possible for me as a black woman, and for a woman my age. I have NEVER been treated this well. There was one back in 1994 who came close, but not quite like this. I hope to see him again this weekend. We live about 2 and a half hours away from each other. I might be going to where he is because my daughter is going on vacation with a classmate and her family for a week. I don’t know though because he makes my panties really wet, and I’m not ready to give it up quite yet!!! lol!!! Hopefully this is not TMI, but I have also never experienced this level of physical desire with a BM, and I think it is because my heart feels safe. All he has to do is open his mouth and speak, like asking me how my day was, and there we are….He talks confidently, but not arrogantly about pleasing ME!! Wow!! BM have always wanted to know what I was gonna do for them, but never what they were going to do to please me!! My babe has told me EXACTLY how he intends to please me, giving me pleasure “that I have never known”, because, “you deserve it”. He has blown me away.

I cannot help but love him because he is a long awaited answer to a prayer. He had a heart attack in 2009 so I have grown protective of him. If I get so blessed to become his wife, I intend to take excellent care of him, and keep him happy. And it will be all my pleasure. This is a man who I can gladly give my all to, and submit to.

Hugs and love, Chris…Thanks so much for everything!!! I’ll keep you posted. 

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It’s Loving Weekend, ya’ll. What better time to connect with a very special someone? If you’re in the New York area, you won’t want to miss the Loving Day flagship event happening on Saturday. Click here for details. If you’re not, don’t fret! There just might be an event in your area. To find out, click here.

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(Bonus) QOTW: “How Can I Talk About My Culture with My White Boyfriend?” https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/bonus-qotw-can-talk-culture-white-boyfriend/ https://www.beyondblackwhite.com/bonus-qotw-can-talk-culture-white-boyfriend/#comments Wed, 20 Aug 2014 04:56:25 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=32573 Hello Christelyn, I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for about 8 months now.  We are very much in love.  I’ve met most of his family, his 21 year old daughter, his parents and all of his siblings.  He has met my ENTIRE family because I took him to my cousins wedding.  No problems or awkwardness at […]

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Hello Christelyn,
I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for about 8 months now.  We are very much in love.  I’ve met most of his family, his 21 year old daughter, his parents and all of his siblings.  He has met my ENTIRE family because I took him to my cousins wedding.  No problems or awkwardness at all, even though I know his family previously has had very little or NO interaction with black people.  Basically, no drama.  Good thing, right?  Ok, maybe it’s my tendency to overthink but I feel like he needs to acknowledge me a little.  I’ll explain…he is unconcerned with things regarding race, pretty aloof and unconcerned, which is a good thing to some degree.  I mean, it never even came up until well into our relationship, and then I could tell he was a bit uncomfortable with it.  He could care less, but it is a part of me, I mean, it’s a HUGE part, it’s my identity, so I need help in how to broach the subject with him.  He just never spent ANY of his time around black people and simply knows NOTHING about us.  He really seems to have no biases, just ignorance, which isn’t his fault.  I think he thinks because I was raised by my white family (another subject for another day) that it doesn’t matter, but it DOES and I don’t know how to tell him this.  Sometimes I think some white people, for fear of sounding racist, are just afraid to even address the issue of race.  I think he falls into this category to a degree.  I don’t expect him to get all “afrocentric” but I need to feel he respects and understands this part of who I am.  Can you help, I do love him, but things cannot progress until he know ALL of me.  Plus, I would just like to know that he WANTS to know all about me, after all, I know all about him.  I’m so sorry for being so long winded, I just wanted to get the point across accurately.
Thanks for all you do and any advice that you could offer would be greatly appreciated.
   I feel like I can answer this question with one hand tied behind my back, because aside from the whole, you being raised by white people thing, this was my story with my husband, circa 1999. My very white-bred husband did not start dating me because of  a preference–he’d never dating a black girl before me. He just thought I was cute and laughed at his jokes, so that was enough for him. I understand that you have a desire for your partner to know, understand and empathize with what it means to you to be a black woman in America, but you have to have some foreknowledge that that empathy goes both ways. He has been able to navigate through life without the albatross of race on his back, so you’ll have to exert some patience in that regard.
   Second, you might have to be honest and ask yourself how important is race and black culture to you. Like, is it your whole existence? When you wake up in the morning and you look in the mirror, are you looking at a black woman or…a woman? Does race permeate every aspect of your life–from education, work, your neighborhood, down to the food you eat? Is Hotep your hero? If you’ve answered “Yes!” to any of these questions, then I have to be honest and tell you that things will probably not work between you and Mr. Clueless About Black People. You’ll either have to find that ONE white guy who takes the African Studies class at every university that has one, or date someone black who shares the culture you most identify with.
   Another option is one I prefer, because you’re not making black culture confrontational and super serious. Expose him to aspects of black culture that you are fascinated with and enjoy. Take him to a soul food restaurant and talk to him about the history of eating pig feet. Take him to a jazz club and talk about how juke joints were a major thing with black folks in the 1920’s. Go on a road trip and follow the path of the slaves who dared to take the Underground Railroad. Then after that, sit down with some popcorn and watch Love and Hip Hop. (Just kidding about that last one, okay?)
   What I sense from your letter is that you’re feeling some sort of anxiety that the man you love won’t really understand you, or at least an aspect of you that’s really important to you. And I propose that you have a little more faith in him. He might not understand it all, but if he loves you, how much does that really matter? I know women dating men that are ‘living the struggle’ right along next to their men and their relationships make train wrecks look like fender-benders. What is more, don’t forget to cherish and nurture the aspects of culture that you both SHARE, as Americans. I find that while Hubby and I are different ethnicities, our culture–and more importantly our values–mesh, which is why it’s worked since 1999.
   Stop overthinking. Have fun with it. Not everything about black culture is about pain and struggling. Start with the good stuff, and go from there.
   Finally, a word of caution: When you inevitably discuss the serious stuff, refrain from taking a “Your people did this to my people!” stance. You boyfriend has most likely done NOTHING to “your people,” and should not be blamed for such. He happens to be a white guy, born into a privilege he didn’t earn, and really love you.
If you’d like from to answer one of your burning questions, hit me up at Christelyn@BeyondBlackWhite.com. Also, don’t forget that a lot of this information can be found in my book, “Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed.” Don’t forget to check out our BB&W-approved sponsor, InterracialDating.com.

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