Beyond Black & White » Thriving http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Chronicles, Musings and Debates about Interracial & Intercultural Relationships Sat, 28 Feb 2015 18:24:04 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1.1 Zara: Eight Reasons Why We Love Black Women http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/zara-eight-reasons-love-black-women/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/zara-eight-reasons-love-black-women/#comments Wed, 25 Feb 2015 17:02:25 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36272   In the face of so much global hate and devaluing of black women, I’m throwing out a few truths that many would just love to deny, and many others – who do appreciate us, often (adoringly) echo. 1. Our Skin Yes. This same skin that has been used to justify attacks on our very humanity. We […]

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In the face of so much global hate and devaluing of black women, I’m throwing out a few truths that many would just love to deny, and many others – who do appreciate us, often (adoringly) echo.

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1. Our Skin

Pure beauty. Beautiful young Afro-American shirtless woman touching her face and keeping eyes closed while Isolated on gray backgroundYes. This same skin that has been used to justify attacks on our very humanity. We have gorgeous skin, in an array of tones that has been known to defy the tests of time. As well as be extremely soft to the touch – and no, that does not just come from a good moisturiser. There’s something about that melanin…

2Our Hair

Bare back black woman outdoors covering breastThe world can say what they want, but we have the most diverse and versatile hair ever! We represent an assortment of textures – from coils, to curls, to waves, and can do all sorts of things that no one else can with our crowns. Our hair can bounce, it can poof, it can fall, and and there are many who adore it.

3Our Curves

Young couple naked Man and woman in love
Can we all just take a moment to stand up,…or turn around? From the spread of our hips, to the roundness of our behinds, black women have some of the best waist to hip ratios out there. Those who try to question our ‘femininity’ are pure haters who can kiss the behinds they purchase to look like us.

4Our Lips

iStock_000021907025_MediumNeed I say anything else? Our lips are so luscious, that certain others go out and buy them, like the butts above. Full, sensual and expressive. The perfect outlet via which we lift our voices up to speak out truth.

5Our Muscle Tone

Butt and slender legs of African-American womanCoupled with the sleekness of our skin, even the skinniest amongst us on the fashion runways don’t ever look like dangling skeletons – but still fierce and strong within their slender frames. This muscle tone helps hold our curves in place to pack an extra punch (plus we’ll have less to fear when we’re older!).

6Our Sensuality 

Portrait of a beautiful female fashion model with curly hair
We are descended from Nubian Queens, and this shows in our regal poise, our courage to speak our intelligent minds, and the inherent command of our womanly bodies. No wonder some men lose their minds over our essence – we are sexy! And, you know they all want to move the way we do….

7Our Ethnic and Cultural Diversity

Portrait  of happy youngs african american teenage girl
Even though some may lump us all together into one big negative stereotype, we black women come in all shapes, colours and sizes as we represent our diverse and rich Afro cultures all across the globe. Diverse as a people, as we are unique as individuals.

8Our Strength

crown5
A common history of overcoming adversity and a continued shared experience of striving to be our best selves in a world with bigots who don’t seem to be okay with us wanting to claim our rightful place within it. The strength and resilience to keep going also provides us with a deep capacity to love hard – ourselves, and others who are worthy of the depths of our hearts.

So there you have it. No shade at the other wonderful non-black ladies, but this is our time!

What are some of the things you enjoy about being a black woman?
In what ways do you admire and appreciate black women?

 

_____

BioZara Chiron is a multicultural, multilingual African woman in Europe who creatively – and candidly, explores the collective ‘Afro’ Experience in writing, image and video via her website.

Connect with her on FacebookTwitterTumblr or Instagram.


tags: #blackgirlsrock #Iloveblackwomen #blackwomenmatter #blackbeauty

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Dear Black Men, Did I Hurt Your Feelings? You Don’t KNOW Hurt Feelings… http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/dear-black-men-hurt-feelings-dont-know-hurt-feelings/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/dear-black-men-hurt-feelings-dont-know-hurt-feelings/#comments Tue, 24 Feb 2015 16:06:58 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36247 Warning: This is a LENGTHY read, so you may want to go get a snack or something to eat while you read this.  I was in the middle of writing follow-up post number two in response to the record-breaking article written by Chris. That post has been pushed back to address a certain group of […]

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black man shrugging

Warning: This is a LENGTHY read, so you may want to go get a snack or something to eat while you read this. 

I was in the middle of writing follow-up post number two in response to the record-breaking article written by Chris.

That post has been pushed back to address a certain group of determined vocal black men who either do not understand why black women are so upset with their behavior, or who understand and don’t care…but think they can thump on their chest or condescend us with thesaurus abuse. Both avenues meant to achieve the same goals:

– Hijack our discussions

– Abuse and shout us into silence

– Mentally and emotionally manipulate us

– Escape any kind of responsibility or accountability

– Maintain a status quo that benefits them, but continues to hurt black women.

 

Obviously none of this is okay and I am not going to stand for it in my own right. I know a number of the women here who run and participate in the discussions have no intention of standing for it, either.

 

And so I want to make a few things clear to the “startled” black men who happen upon this community and to the pressed, thirsty, desperate male trolls who are so hell bent on sabotaging us that they continue to think of ways to gain entrance into this space to poison the well.

I want to make where this anger, lack of tolerance, and blunt honesty is coming from. I want you to read every word, digest every sentence, and then go sit in the corner and think about your lives and choices.

 

Number 1: We Don’t Care….

That is a very general statement.

I’m sure some of you are wondering what we “don’t” care about exactly.

Well, the list is LONG, but it’s safe to say that these things that many of you are DETERMINED to bring up fall under something that we have emotionally and mentally (and even financially) divorced ourselves from.

We Don’t Care If BM Prefer Non-Black Women Or The Lightest Black Women Available

Since the black women here have NO interest in dating or marrying black men for the most part, what kind of person would draw the conclusion that ANY and EVERY time we talk about the negative impact of black male dysfunction on black womanhood, it’s because what we really want is a black man?

Re-read that sentence. Please understand how and why that makes no sense.

That’s like complaining about a hole in the head and then someone coming up and offering to drill a few more in your skull.

 

Not the point.

When is BM/non-BW ever relevant to our interests? The answer is close to “damn near never”, but there are a couple of scenarios where BM foolishness and thirst causes harm to black women.

When black men are so desperate for whiteness and white approval, they try and convince themselves, the world, and EVEN their black women (most of whom are darker-skinned themselves), that black people are primarily made of dark-skinned men and light-skinned women.

Women like Amber Rose and Kim K. are made “honorary back women” and worshiped for doing things that make black women unforgivable whores and strumpets. NOW MY ARGUMENT ISN’T ABOUT WANTING BLACK WOMEN TO BE THESE THINGS.

But so many black women are caught up in the matrix of the Madonna/Whore complex that they are incapable of developing enough of a self-esteem to choose quality men. They are relegated to the role of sex object and baby mama and “you’re too dark to claim and be seen in the light of day with.”

 

Kim Kardashian is the Hollywood bicycle and you’ve got men like Kanye West and other color-struck black males putting her on a pedestal.

I’m not even going to get into the fact that many black girls are raped and molested by older black men, and rather than black men hold these criminals accountable for impregnating 12, 13, and 14 year old girls (not to mention the much younger black girls who are molested by male family members and their mothers boyfriends…), these children are now considered damaged goods that ANY black man can get at.

All these girl children hear is that they are FAST and that they are only good for sex. They feel that sex is the only way they can be loved. And you have an entire culture built up on the “pimps up, hoes down” logic.

Now, with this as the backdrop our lower economic and struggling black women, many of whom have multiple children and no father figure or father for their kids in sight….you have black men going out of their way to excuse, defend, and admire lighter women, especially WHITE women for acting out the same behavior that gets black women verbally abused and put down. The same behavior where black men tell each other it’s okay to use and disregard a woman and have nothing to do with their own offspring.

 

When black men worship lighter/white skin and whiteness to such a degree where they gladly degrade, use and abandon their own women and girl children, refuse to protect them, and then shun the idea of being held accountable you best believe NO sensible black woman who loves herself and resents this indignity is tripping over herself to claim or get with these black men.


NOPE. We are not interested. And the BM behavior that goes unchecked in the black community and beyond is not going to change our minds.

 

We Don’t Care If Our Drawing Attention To The Fact That You Are NOT God’s Gift To Womankind Makes You Mad!

 

We already know after running this community for YEARS that many  black men show up here for one of a couple of reasons:

Some are “confused” because they thought there would be white women everywhere. Oops.

Others are directed here by people talking about the AUDACITY of us black women and our “bold” opinions.

 

Underneath the indignity, bragging about having a white wife/gf, and “smooth” concern trolling is something many of you don’t think we see.

FEAR

The “Mandigo” myth of black male animal sexual whatever came from the same white racists that brought the world “black people are inferior, ignorant, subversive criminal types and children of the devil”.

But black men kept the Mandingo myth close to the collar because no man walking the Earth is opposed to being made the feel like a total stud with the ladies!

and that black women would ALWAYS be there to cheer-lead the Mandingo Myth. You’ve got non-BW cheer-leading it, too…but most of the Mandingo myth’s influence hinges on black women.

And so when we wake up one day and a good chunk of black women are happily coupled with non-black men, people who buy wholesale into the myth of black male sexual superiority begin to ask questions.

You can’t go around telling the world that you are God’s gift to women and “all white men have small peens” and then not end up with egg on your face when BLACK WOMEN date/marry white men.

Hispanic/Italian men are “forgivable” to black men because black men can “claim” these men by proxy.

 

But much of the concern trolling of white men and black women comes from the need to claim sexual superiority. This is why black women who are with white men are attacked as gold diggers and “white slave master bed wenches”.

 

These black men want everyone to believe that a black woman wouldn’t choose a white man unless she HAD to. Her credit must be bad and she’s a desperate money loving whore or she’s a self-hating black woman who is soooo emotionally damaged, she wants to live out some “slave fantasy”.

The idea that a black woman could be sexually fulfilled by a white guy is terrifying. MORE terrifying than our emotional and financial fulfillment because honestly, these men do not care about those things. These men are used to being supported and cared for by WOMEN. And so the idea that they would be responsible for the lion share of protecting, providing for, and valuing their black women is foreign.

 

They are afraid black women will make them lose face, and they would rather avoid losing face than losing black women. I honestly believe that’s slightly MORE scary than the loss of financial support.

 

Number 2: We Aren’t Saying This Because We Hate Anyone

I think that what we are seeing from the indignant black men who cannot fathom a black woman airing all of this dirty laundry are men who bought their own hype.

Anyone who exposes or acknowledges the painful intra-racial hatred acted out against black women, ESPECIALLY dark-skinned black women, must be a “hater”.

 

“You hate black men because you’re hurt!”

“You hate black men because you’re jealous of them/white women!”

“You hate yourself, and that’s why you’re with white men!”

 

These are all nowhere near close to why I personally feel perfectly content calling attention to rampant dysfunction, intra-racial misogyny, and black male hypocrisy and lack of reciprocation.

 

We Are Beyond The Point Of Pretending That Helping Black Men Save Face Helps Black Womanhood

Black male-specific dysfunction is being discussed at an increasing rate in large part due to the increase of black woman-centric havens that are well moderated. These women tell their stories, share their opinions, and decry black men’s mistreatment of black women.

They are not shouted down, threatened, or guilt-tripped with the rate of success that was not possible in previous years.

 

I can HONESTLY say that even in DBR and NBAB havens on the internet, an increasing amount of BW are being vocal about how tired they are of black men’s damaged thinking and behavior towards them.

When Madam Noire has a comment section full of black women calling out an alleged “ideal black man”, that’s when you KNOW that the tide has turned.

Not is turning.

HAS TURNED.

That comment section would have looked much different a few short years ago. The reason for this shift in attitudes among black women is because not only are they tired of the BS, they are beginning to realize they don’t have to take it.

 

An increasing number of black women are realizing that no matter what they do or say, black men will never reciprocate and will only continue to hate black womanhood and take it for granted. When black men feel safe denigrating black womanhood before the world, that’s when you know they are lost as a group.

We cannot find them…they have to go find themselves.

It is no longer sane or beneficial for black women to prop up a group of men more concerned about their egos and one-upping white men than taking care of house and home and protecting and loving their women.

Uplifting Black Womanhood Does NOT Mean Putting Down White Womanhood or Black Manhood

 

It’s amazing to me how when black women stand up for themselves, other groups of people become threatened.

We are not hating on black men or white women. Either separately or together. I already let it be known what I feel about white women who try to hijack our conversations. So I will not repeat myself.

 

In the case of black men need to take the “black woman experience” out of their mouths once and for all.

Please stop telling us about how our women ancestors were raped and beaten during slavery.

 

First, not all black women were slaves. Second, it was a BLACK WOMAN that is heavily associated with the freeing of slaves.

We have our own heroines, our own narratives, and our own stories, no matter WHERE our black female ancestors came from. All of which we are MORE than capable of sharing with the world ourselves.

 

And not ONE of you has the right to “educate us” about a history you could never imagine as a black MAN who has never experienced life as a black WOMAN.

 

It is the black WOMAN that kept it under wraps that your black male ancestors were raping black women slaves just as often and actually more so than the “white slave master”. Or are we supposed to be so stupid, we are to believe that the ongoing rape and violence against black women just happened overnight, and hasn’t been acted out against us by warped black men for centuries?

Black men don’t even want to talk about the rape, murder, and abuse that black women experience NOW, so the only way they can find a white male boogieman to scare and guilt black women into silence is to reach back to the 1800s.

 

Of course…these require all black women to be so brain-washed and stupid that we ignore the fact that not all white people owned slaves, or approved of slavery. Many white Americans are descendants of people who came to this country AFTER slavery. Their benefiting white racist infrastructure of America is something that I’m not going to deny…just like I’m not going to pretend that black men feel entitled to treat black women like property because of male privilege.

 

You see? It’s ALL bad and it’s ALL hurting black women.

 

But black women have done (and continue to do) black men a solid favor by prioritizing the “The Man” over the lengthy history of abuse and subjugation we’ve suffered at the hands of black men. Black men were able to successfully paint white men as the greater of “two evils”. The problem is that black women can no longer afford to pretend that one group is hurting them more than the other.

 

And now you have black women telling our stories. And no, those stories do not flatter black men.

 

But that’s NOT our problem.

 

The black woman was not put on this Earth to serve or flatter anyone.

A man, a REAL man, does not chase after women seeking their flattery for the sake of their ego. A real man would be ASHAMED to be associated with this intra-racial horror show.

 

The solution will not be found in trying to “plug the dam” by trolling black women in a desperate attempt to silence us. You may have some black women who come flying to the rescue to “cape”. But even these women cannot un-ring the bell.

Black women today are working to repair our image and uplift our spirits. We are letting go of all the pain, anger, fear, and shame. With that comes unburdening ourselves of all the wrongs that have been done to us as a race and gender.

There is no going back.

 

The only possible remedy for black men is to take a LONG HARD LOOK at everything they’ve done to black women. Everything they continue to do.

And then hold each other accountable. Hold their fathers accountable. Hold their sons, brothers and yes THEMSELVES accountable.

We do not want to hear about how you loooooove your black queens and we need to stick together, hold on, have patience-

 

You are not listening; this isn’t about you or your feelings.

 

Black womanhood is being raised by black women because we cannot rely on black men to do so without sabotaging us out of a bizarre need to compete WITH their women rather than FOR them.

Black womanhood is being raised because we love ourselves, and regardless of which other parties don’t, we know that we deserve far better than what we’ve gotten.

 

We are not raising ourselves in order put anyone else down; only twisted people think they have to stand on other people.

 

Number 3: We Will Not Be “Sweet Talked”

Some black men have enough sense to know that outright disrespect will get them the boot, so they attempt to emotionally-manipulate black women by condescending them in a so-called polite manner.

This sweet talk is meant to keep black women in their place and divert our attention without these men doing ANYTHING to either own their role in the rampant attack on black womanhood or consider doing anything to stop it.

As this is a BW-IRR-centric space, some of these black men key in on this with the backward assumption that we’re all looking for non-BM because what we REALLY want is an “ideal black man”: the well-paid, well-dressed, educated black man with his own home and car.

Notice nothing in that “ideal” says anything about the mental state and emotional intelligence of that particular man. For all the talk of gold-digging, it’s amazing how much black women are expected to put all of their vetting into penis size and materialism.

But I digress.

 

Please Do Not Place  Your “I Want A Good Black Woman” Ads In Our Comments Section

If you want a good black woman, there are a PLETHORA of BM/BW dating sites out there. There are a number of educated and loving black women seeking a black man.

So why the heck would we accept ads for black men seeking black women in a space dedicated to black women who are by and large looking to date/marry non-black men?

WE ALL KNOW THAT BLACK WOMEN WHO DO THIS IN SPACES WHERE BLACK MEN ARE VOCALLY SEEKING NON-BLACK WOMEN WOULD BE IGNORED AT BEST AND RIDICULED AT WORST.

Do not come at us with sob stories about how you “just can’t seem to find your black queen”. Do not insult the women here and then launch into a tirade about the good woman you feel entitled to (while saying NOTHING of what you’ve done to deserve said good woman).

Do not post your “profile” and pictures and try and hit on the women here.

We know that some black men honestly believe that black women become “good” when they are acknowledged by white men. Just like they think being with a white woman raises their status.

You do not need a black woman; you need a psychiatrist who can listen to you and not develop a drinking problem.

 

We are not a black love site and to the black women here seeking these black men, you too are in the WRONG place.

 

Please Do Not Come In Here Dangling A “Marriage Carrot”

To continue from the above, I know some of you are used to dealing with “desperate” black women, who will do/say anything to get a black man to marry them.

So they come in here talking about wanting to “settle down” and be married to the “right black woman”.

We all know that black men DO NOT marry at the same rate as other men. Black women seeking to be married would logically have to look beyond black men to make it happen. Then there’s the population issue in the United States when it comes to BW outnumbering BM.

 

There are numerous factors that justify black women expanding their romantic options, as black men are more inclined to play the field and enjoy the extra women than settle down with any particular woman.

Black women here are not interested in competing for, jumping through hoops for, nor otherwise inclined to keep jumping up to grasp that marriage carrot.

We all know that black men more often use talk of marriage as a tactic in 2015 than to seriously consider settling down with a BLACK (darker, kinky haired) woman.

You tell on yourselves every time you congratulate yourselves and each other for settling down with a light-skinned and increasingly white woman.

 

If you continue to make it known far and wide that you’re looking to wife anyone but a black woman, and that black women have to be flawless virgins before you even consider marriage (which doesn’t bring with it the promise of respect, protection, or being equally yoked), and that dark-skinned black women need not apply….your marriage carrot is a joke.

It is even more of a joke when dangled in front of black women who NEVER wanted it in the first place.

 

Number 4: We Are Black AND Women

 

I’ve pretty much covered everything, but this final section is meant to drive home a point that some will probably miss in the rush to get to the comment section to yell at me.

We are black women. Black AND Women. Both at once. One does not outweigh the other. One does not cancel out the other. And nobody gets to tell us which is more important than the other.

Marrying inter-racially does not make a woman no longer black. I’ve already said that black men DO NOT own blackness and they need to take the “black woman experience” out of their mouths.

We are allowed to tell our stories and not be shouted down by people who are preoccupied with black manhood, or thinking that black manhood is more important than black womanhood. This includes black-male identified black women.

Just because we are about interracial dating does NOT mean we are forbidden from talking about black women’s experiences, the trauma caused by the black community and black men. These are OUR stories. We can tell them and if you don’t want to hear them……

 

YOU ARE FREE TO TURN RIGHT AROUND AND GO OUT THE DOOR YOU CAME!

 

You will not stop these articles from being posted. You will not stop black women from talking about how black men have sold us out and desecrated black womanhood. You will not stop us from talking about the black male predators that have raped, beaten, and murdered black women.

Every ugly thing you don’t want non-black people to know about black men is going to stay coming out because you cannot shut up women who have the mic and ARE NOT going to put it down until it all comes out.

AND THERE IS A LOT STILL TO COME OUT.

 

But that’s okay, because that’s just a part of the healing process.

There is nothing wrong with being angry, being hurt, and acknowledging these things. The end goal is to talk about it, and THEN, move on from it.

 

BLACK WOMEN are coming into our own, and are realizing how amazing we truly are. We are building ourselves up and each other.

We have more important things to do, as we purge ourselves of DECADES worth of poison, to pause or self-edit in order to concern ourselves with the hurt feeling of some black men.

 

YOU DON’T KNOW HURT FEELINGS, BLACK MEN. YOU DON’T KNOW PAIN, FEAR, OR DEATH.

BECAUSE BLACK WOMEN HAVE FELT AND ALL OF THESE THINGS, WHILE CARRYING YOU ON THEIR BACKS, AND THEY STILL WALKED THE LENGTH OF THE PLANET!

 

YOU WANT US TO STOP AND CRY FOR YOU WHEN YOU FEEL PAIN, BUT YOU SWEEP OUR SUFFERING UNDER THE RUG AS TO NOT DISTRACT THE WORLD FROM YOUR VICTIM-HOOD.

YOU WANT US TO “WAIT” FOR YOU TO GET AROUND TO LOVING, VALUING, AND PROTECTING THE WOMEN WITHOUT WHOM…YOU WOULDN’T EVEN BE HERE!

 

We are not interested in competing with black men. We are not interested in stopping black men from dating inter-racially. We are not interesting in being coupled with black men.

 

We don’t want anything except for black men to STOP degrading and deriding black womanhood. STOP with your toxic treatment of black women and girls. STOP declaring your hatred from us and then demanding our resources.

STOP.

STOP.

STOP!

 

We are not here for your hurt feelings and your ego and your hateful treatment of black womanhood.

And we never WILL be!

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Want To Know What Black Men REALLY Think Of Black Womanhood? Ask Kanye! http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/want-know-black-men-really-think-black-womanhood-ask-kanye/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/want-know-black-men-really-think-black-womanhood-ask-kanye/#comments Sun, 22 Feb 2015 06:12:41 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36230 So many people were following the recent post about Amber Rose and the Kardashians that we were gifted some great (and not so great) feedback. Many members were puzzled about why we would even mention Amber Rose’s throw-down with Kardashian-Jenner-West family. Kim Kardashian isn’t black and many consider Amber Rose to be white, right?   […]

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So many people were following the recent post about Amber Rose and the Kardashians that we were gifted some great (and not so great) feedback.

Many members were puzzled about why we would even mention Amber Rose’s throw-down with Kardashian-Jenner-West family.

Kim Kardashian isn’t black and many consider Amber Rose to be white, right?

 

Except that no, Amber Rose and Kim Kardashian are indeed “black”.

 

They are black because they are everything that a LARGE and VOCAL segment of black men value. To the point that Oprah Winfrey herself put Amber Rose on “Light Girls”.

Kim Kardashian is black because you have magazines darkening her skin (like we don’t see what they’re doing) and using her (fake) naked behind to “update” nude shoots previously a dark-skinned black women.

Both Kim K and Amber Nicole are highly coveted by black men for NOT being black women, while having features typically associated with black women.

I’m talking about that bass (no treble).

They also have lighter, whiter skin.

This gives Kim K. and Amber Rose “honorary black woman status”.

 

When Honorary Black Womanhood Goes Wrong…

Yes, Kim K. and Amber Rose both belong to the “honorary black woman” club, but one of these women just learned that her membership doesn’t get her access to the VIP area.

Amber Rose was good enough for a come-up, but once Kanye West got his hooks into the coveted (by color-struck black men) Kardashian clan…well, she was suddenly T-R-A-S-H.

Now make no mistake: Amber Rose wasn’t merely trash because she was stripping at fifteen or otherwise sexually promiscuous.

We know that when Kim K. was 14, she was being passed condoms by her mother, Kris Jenner. Any illusions about her virginal nature would be suitably shattered by this revelation during an interview with Oprah.

Of course, we also have that sex tape (which served as the foundation for her multi-million empire), and a string of failed relationships. Including the one where she dumped a man after 72 days of marriage to get with the guy she was cheating on him with all along.

 

So then, why would Kanye need to take 30 showers after Amber Rose to get with Kim Kardashian?

 

Answer: Because “honorary black women” of color will always be dirty by association to many black men for “being” BLACK women. Whereas white honorary black women are “pure” by virtue of their actual whiteness.

Amber Rose is of part Creole descent, and a good portion of them are considered black.

Kanye Let It Slip: Many Black Men LOATHE Black Womanhood…

I know that we are going to get BM trolls flying in here to tell me I’m wrong or crazy. Let me stop you at the gate by asking this:

What makes Kim Kardashian more clean than Amber Rose?

We all know both women are sexually promiscuous and are popular with a large segment of black men. Both women have a checkered past.

Kim Kardashian was dropping her scented handkerchief in Kanye’s path while still legally married to another man she SWORE she loved just a few short weeks before the divorce. How is that virtuous behavior? How is that not worthy of 30 showers?

Amber Rose is closer to being an “authentic” black woman than Kim Kardashian in the eyes of many black people. Although both have this honorary black woman card, Amber Rose double-downed on her status to the point of being considered a light-skinned black woman. As anyone can tell you a light-skinned black woman is a prize to many color-struck black men…until you put her next to a whiter woman. Then her blackness becomes a strike against her that makes any “sin” unforgiveable and justification for any denigration or disrespect.

What Khloe Kardashian made clear when she came at Amber Rose was this: She and the rest of her sisters are proud of their ability to replace and be considered superior to black women. Even other pseudo-black women!

They know that no matter how questionably they behave as a family, there will always be an army of wealthy black men from who they can choose, because these men are more fixated on their alleged status and white skin than anything remotely resembling class or character.

Their whiteness will ALWAYS trump black womanhood with black men. This is why they don’t “worry” about black women like Amber Rose…even though Amber Rose is more “honorary” black than genuinely black.

Where Does This Leave Unambiguous, Dark-Skinned Black Women?

Many people fooled themselves into thinking Kanye West’s ugly comment about his ex had no implications for black women.

Since color-struck black men are typically on the same page when it comes to black women, let me break down exactly WHY this comment was a landmark statement.

Kanye West pretty much let it out of the bag that black men consider black women dirty and unworthy by virtue of being black women.

These men “celebrated” black womanhood in the form of light-skinned women of color or racially ambiguous women. Now they’ve gotten bold, to the point where they are making it clear that ANY trace of blackness in a woman makes her dirty.

Black men want blackness ALL to themselves, and black womanhood and the unique beauty of the black woman is being pushed to non-black women altogether.  Black men are so hell bent on competing WITH black women, they’re trying to erase us and shame us from existence.

Kim K. represents the next stage of honorary black womanhood: Where black women are openly replaced by non-black women, with nothing connecting these non-black women to unambigous black women but the adoration of black men.

And since many black women love black men more than themselves, they’ll continue to accept these non-black women on THEIR pedestal, wearing THEIR crown. All while choosing to believe black men when they tell them these women are “black too”. Meanwhile these lost women continue to hate themselves for having dark skin and kinky hair because black men will continue to vocally exercise intra-racial hatred and misogyny against them.

You’ve got confused black women working over time to look like Kim Kardashian, while not even realizing all the surgery Kim K. required to look like black women.

Let me show you the image again.

Yep, that’s where black womanhood is headed if these color-struck black men have their way.

 

How Do We Fight Back Against This Nonsense?

Black women must un-apologetically wrestle the narrative of black womanhood away from black men. These men are running to give our womanhood and beauty away to any woman that isn’t black, but you still want to believe these men are fighting for us?

Black men are typically radio silent in these parts until they get called out for foolishness. I refuse to consider behavior repetitive to such a laughable degree to be a mere coincidence.

We can talk ALL DAY LONG about the abuse and damage suffered by black women and these persons will say nothing. But either mention that we’ve no interest in black men OR that black men are responsible for many of the violence black women experience and here they come.

Because it’s all about SELF INTEREST in black manhood at the expense of black womanhood. They sold their “sistas” down the river and don’t want to own it.

MAKE THEM OWN IT.

Do not give them room to talk. Continuously hold them accountable and demand they hold each other accountable.

Hold black men accountable for black woman victimhood rather than make excuses. White men are not the ones killing you ladies off by the thousands each year.

 

Black women, and I know this is going to upset some of you, but please hear it: Love yourselves enough to close your legs to men that hate you.

I’m not talking about mistakes made yesterday. Everyday is a new day. Today and tomorrow and forever, these men should be shut out of your life. If their actions tell you they don’t value you, they hate you, and they are using you…trust and believe it. And show them the door.

Do not have children by color-struck black men. Do not feed the cycle by coveting and worshiping your black sons to the point where they are out of touch with reality and do not burden your black daughters with the expectation that they are only on this planet to service black men. Do not make them feel as if they are worthless unless black men love them, especially when you know in your heart of hearts that black men today BOLDLY loathe black women.

Do not allow your little girls to be exposed to black male actors, musicians/rappers and athletes and any other prominent black men who make it their business to degenerate and objectify black women while parading around light-skinned non black women and calling them “black queens”….all while holding their hands out, expecting financial and emotional support from black women.

 

Do not think that you allowing black men to denigrate and use you will have no affect on your daughters; trust and believe that they will go up and repeat the example you have shown them.

 

Ultimately, black women win by opening up their options to ALL MEN who celebrate and value them as black women. Never apologize for allowing men to adore your dark-skin and kinky hair. Never think you are being “fetishized” when non-black men adore everything about you that you are told to bleach and weave away in the black community.

Never let ANYONE of ANY RACE try to convince you that your black womanhood is a dirty unfortunate thing and that you need their approval to be worthy.

Black women, black men are a lost cause when it comes to our womanhood and beauty.

 

If lighter black women and “honorary black women” are no longer worthy of the black woman crown, what are you waiting for? MOVE ON!

 

Let the pseudo-black women and non-black women battle for these DBR black men. You keep it moving towards the nearest exit…

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Kanye’s Comments About Amber Rose Highlights How White Women Are “Always” Virtuous No Matter How Skeezy Their Past. http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/kanyes-comments-amber-rose-highlights-white-women-always-virtuous-no-matter-skeezy-past/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/kanyes-comments-amber-rose-highlights-white-women-always-virtuous-no-matter-skeezy-past/#comments Fri, 20 Feb 2015 17:18:13 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36209 I know I shouldn’t have done it. But…I did anyway. I peeped an article recap of Kanye West’s interview on “The Breakfast Club” where he got candid about his previous relationship with Amber Rose, who many identify as black (she is a mix of Italian and Cape Verdean, an area populated by decedents of African slaves). […]

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I know I shouldn’t have done it. But…I did anyway. I peeped an article recap of Kanye West’s interview on “The Breakfast Club” where he got candid about his previous relationship with Amber Rose, who many identify as black (she is a mix of Italian and Cape Verdean, an area populated by decedents of African slaves). He basically says Amber was a stand in until the girl he really wanted was finished dating someone else. Some of his verbal excreta:

“If Kim dated me when I first wanted to be with her there wouldn’t be a Amber Rose.” TRANSLATION: I had to wait in the queue for Kim to be finished with the baller before I got my turn. 

Then he says this: “It’s very hard for a woman to want to be with someone who was with Amber Rose. She wasn’t sending nothing. I had to take 30 showers before I got with Kim. Don’t ask me no more [laughs] I just want to be respectful.” TRANSLATION: Amber is a “dirty” black(ish) broad who’s not virginal. Kim is a “dirty” white broad who’s not virginal. But we all know when black women aren’t virginal they’re THOTS, but Kimmy can run through an entire football team and men like Kanye feel the need to “purify” themselves before their white goddesses.

One commenter said it best:

“So he didn’t have to take 30 showers after not only Ray J, but Reggie Bush, Miles Austin and Chris Humphries…to name just a FEW!? and he was with her, sleeping with her, impregnating her and proposing to her WHILE she was married to someone else, but she feels some type of way about who HE was with? Man, miss me with all that. No one wants to be with Kim’s dirty a$$ except Kanye, so for him to say he had to take 30 showers just to get with her is bullsh*t. He married the ultimate hoe but wants to take shots at Amber? Go sit the freak down somewhere.”

Honestly, this post isn’t about Kanye, Kim, or Amber. It’s about how black women are always, ALWAYS held to a higher standard. You know the old saying that black people have to be twice as good to be as good? It’s usually reserved for reference in the job market. However, within the community, you have to be a virgin or you’re a whore, but a white woman can have multiple partners and the black men who want them will jump through whatever hoops necessary to win them over. That pedestal is real, ya’ll.Amber-Rose-Happy-She-Escaped-Former-Love-Kanye-West-main

I recently met a unicorn. A black man with two degrees, former vice president of a Fortune 500 company and entrepreneur, married with kids. This man is educated, great looking, accomplished. He could have had his pick of any black woman he wanted. You know who he married? A fixer-upper white woman who was hooked on alcohol and drugs. That’s who he considered a prize over legions of quality black women who would have kicked their mama’s ass to be with him.

We always have to be better to be just as good, not just in a racist society, but within a community that treats its mothers like second-class citizens.

Yet…we’re the sellouts? Stop believing it. I want black women to stop jumping through hoops and feeling like they have to meet impossible standards on a playing field that will never be level. Go where you’re celebrated, not tolerated. Go where you’re not the runner up, but the grand prize.

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Black Woman Writes Apology Missive for Preferring White Men; Seeks Understanding and Forgiveness. http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/rhetorical-question-no-one-wants-us-care-white-men/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/rhetorical-question-no-one-wants-us-care-white-men/#comments Wed, 18 Feb 2015 06:00:23 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36175 Someone passed along an article to me that was published on XO Jane, true-confession style, written by a black woman, admitting that her declaration that she prefers white men makes her feel “disgusting…a race traitor.” She blames the effects of the media and white supremacy for her affinity for white men, but says this: “In […]

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Someone passed along an article to me that was published on XO Jane, true-confession style, written by a black woman, admitting that her declaration that she prefers white men makes her feel “disgusting…a race traitor.” She blames the effects of the media and white supremacy for her affinity for white men, but says this: “In my case, both personal experiences and white supremacy are to blame. Personal experiences include the black boys who made fun of me and made me feel ugly when I was a kid and the black men who have harassed me in public.”

Let’s take a look at that for a second. I’m not going to post this woman’s actual photo because I don’t have permission to do so. However, the picture below give a general idea of her phenotype:

Black beauty with short hair

And considering that most black men prefer to date and marry women who look like this…

 

light woman

…It poses a bit of a problem, doesn’t it? The dark girl with short hair is constantly told that she is “less than,” ugly, nappy headed, needs to go hide somewhere and let the light chick up yonder get all the shine. The dark girl is typically the one who is ridiculed, teased, used and abused by the members of her own community. She is told that she is hated, her attitude stinks and no one wants her. She is reminded of this daily.

So…if she’s so disgusting, why aren’t these same people who treat her like crap cheering from the rooftops that a few non-black men are taking her off their hands? What is it about that dark girl who FINALLY finds a (white?) man who can admire her unique beauty that causes so much outrage? Why all the guilt tripping that leads to this written “woe is me” missive? What is it about such a woman that compels her to essentially apologize for her affinity for a group of men who showed her kindness and interest?

She even acknowledges it herself:

The idea of being with a white man was never about the men themselves, who, besides their whiteness, are often mediocre. It’s that being loved by a white man would make up for my perceived inadequacy as a black woman.

Black girls, especially darker-skinned ones, are unwanted. Up until very recently (praise be to Shonda Rhimes), we were not the love interests. Books, TV shows, and film didn’t acknowledge our humanity and complexity, with the occasional exception of the lighter-skinned black girl. The way we are portrayed in the media is representative of real life desirability politics. According to OkCupid’s data on race and attraction, black women are the least desirable among all groups of women.

The first, and only, boyfriend I ever had was a white guy. As inexperienced and anxious I was about relationships, he made me feel comfortable because he made me feel good about myself. I was very insecure, so I needed him to frequently tell me that I was beautiful.

This woman is basically the wet dream of all the critics of black women and interracial dating–she’s admitting she only likes white men because it makes her feel validated after her own community rejected her. She even throws a big ‘ole bone to her “black kangs” by claiming most white men are “mediocre.” SERIOUSLY?! Most people in GENERAL are average. But again, she’s begging.

Take a look at that last paragraph–her boyfriend, WHO WAS WHITE, made her feel good about herself. Why is that wrong? Why is that “problematic??” Why are dark-skinned, short haired, full-lipped black women still seeking a pat on the head from a community that openly disdains them, regardless of its origins in white supremacy? Why are these women FORCED to self-reflect, while the perpetrators of the hatred are allowed to continue their soul-crushing crusade to keep black women such as this “in their pockets?” Are we to bleed, cry, accept scraps, remain unloved, agree to be cum dumpsters, raise illegitimate babies alone, all in an effort to martyr ourselves on the alter of fighting white supremacy? Do we even get a cookie for that shit?!

How many black men will see this true confession and hunt her down for dating and marriage? Will this suddenly make her more attractive to the people who treated her like crap in the first place? Has she not earned your loyalty? Where are all the IBMs riding on their noble steeds to swoop this woman off her feet?

Ultimately, I hope this woman stops kicking herself and finds love, no matter what package it comes in, and stop feeding trolls who are convinced black women only date white men because it makes them feel affirmed as human beings. Wait a minute…what the EFF is wrong with dating a man who AFFIRMS your HUMANITY? Hmmmm…..

I seriously hate these types of articles. Thank the gods we are the counterbalance to it all.

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Open Thread: Is Fighting Against the Black 72% Out-of-Wedlock Rate a Lost Cause? http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/open-thread-fighting-black-72-wedlock-rate-lost-cause/ http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/open-thread-fighting-black-72-wedlock-rate-lost-cause/#comments Sat, 14 Feb 2015 16:22:47 +0000 http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/?p=36136 I got this note from a BB&W fan, who happens to be biracial (his mother is black, father is white). Richard often comes to the fan page to discuss topics of race and class, and I like having his perspective. But the note he sent me this morning moved me to action, and I’m lending […]

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I got this note from a BB&W fan, who happens to be biracial (his mother is black, father is white). Richard often comes to the fan page to discuss topics of race and class, and I like having his perspective. But the note he sent me this morning moved me to action, and I’m lending him a larger platform because I think madness like this needs to be brought to light.

NWNW baby

Hey there, there’s something that’s been bothering me for a few days and I just thought of you.

We’ve always had fun back-and-forths, and I think we agree on most things… one thing in particular, is addressing the 72% out of wedlock birth rate among black children.

I’m beginning to think that this is a lost cause. I just got booted from a group called “The Extraordinary Journey of a Black Nerd” – which is a group for, well, black nerds.

One of the questions that a member posed was whether or not you’d stay with someone for the long haul if that person was dead set against marriage. Obviously, the talk of children eventually comes up. I bring up the OOW birthrate among black children… and watch the insults FLY! “Tom,” “Coon,” “house nigga,” etc, etc – which, by the way, are in violation of that groups rules. However… the admins actually made an exception for it in their case!

I didn’t expect this from a group from “black nerds,” but when I give it more thought; I should have. I think that when we look at your pages and discussion – we tend to get our hopes up, because all we see are mostly black people who agree with us. Because that’s who your pages are designed to attract.

But then reality sets in. It’s almost common sense – the 72% out of wedlock birthrate among blacks means that at least – AT LEAST – 72% of black adults don’t care, and don’t see anything wrong with it. Mind you, I’m saying “at least” because we haven’t even counted black adults who have yet to have children or black adults who do have children in wedlock, but are still oblivious to the 72% OOW birthrate among blacks.

With at least 72% of black adults not caring, attempting to do anything to rectify this is a losing battle.

I know I’m not really asking any questions or anything like that, but it hurt me to see what was in that group… and I figured if anyone would take time to listen, it would be you.

——————–

The idea that our “gifted” and black don’t think there’s a problem with the MAJORITY of black homes being absent of two parents is jarring, and I don’t blame Richard for feeling hopeless. Sometimes, I feel that way too. That’s why it’s essential for black women not to feel compelled to keeping their dating options only within the black community. Marry someone who shares your VALUES, and let the folks who don’t give a damn about how broken homes lead to chaos to stay where they are and eat themselves like the zombies they are.

But what’s most disturbing is that this cavalier attitude is coming from the so-called “black elite.” Folks think the OOW issue is one of “class,” but if the best of the best doesn’t care, then what is there left to discuss?

Meanwhile, while these idiots are calling black people who value marriage before family “coons”…

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