Clueless? Five Non-Verbal Ways To Know He’s Into You

August 1, 2012 | Christelyn Karazin |

If you don’t know what to look for, some men can be hard to read. If they’re not overtly mack-daddy-ish, they are often subdued and their interest is hard to read. Like my buddy, Jordan Harbinger, c0-founder of the Art of Charm says, “If a guy talks to you, that means he’s interested.” Truth is, unless he’s trying to sell you something or lives in a nursing home, most men won’t just strike up conversations for absolutely no reason. Only women do that. There’s always an endgame for men. But the lamentable truth is that with today’s dismal dating landscape, many men aren’t as assertive as they need to be to close the deal, so here’s some sure-fire non-verbal cues that tell on him every time:

Preening

“Men preen–put the finishing touches on their appearance–instinctively,” says Fran Greene, former director of flirting at Match.com, and author of The Flirting Bible. He might adjust his shirt or tie, smooth his hair or pop a stick of gum–all signs he’s tapping into his inner peacock. “Be on the lookout for the preening man. His actions are a dead giveaway that he wants to meet you. And when you do see a sign, take it as an ego boost and make the first move. The ball’s in your court!” says Greene.

Eyebrow Raising

(I’ve witnessed this myself but had no idea what it meant) According to Greene, the eyebrow raise is an instinctive move that men can’t control. The brow-flex is also a clear sign that guy has his eye on you.

Hand on Hips

Hand to hips translates into the message that a guy is ready to meet. “When you see this, walk over to him and white a big smile, say hi. Watch what he does with his hands; once he feels confident you will stick around for the long haul, his hand will relax by his side.” Just make sure the hand-on-hips move includes a sway and a switch–chance are dude’s not playing on our team.

Bedroom Eyes

Know what those are? Half hooded lids, dilated pupils is a sure sign a guy has some serious eyes for you.

Have any of you ladies realized or identified these behaviors and are now kicking yourselves while saying, “DOOOHHH!“

Ndreea
lol yup especially the first paragraph ;p and the preeening part lol haahha now i know and will be aware
Brenda55
Red ears = aroused.
- EarthJeff
  @Brenda55 “Red ears = aroused”
  Or embarrassed….. I would have thought arousal would manifest itself in other very visible ways….
  - Brenda55
    @EarthJeff Now don’t start. LOL!
    - EarthJeff
      @Brenda55 “Now don’t start. LOL!”
      Missed me, didnt you?
    - Brenda55
      @EarthJeff Yep. Where you been. On vay-kay?
    - EarthJeff
      @Brenda55 I wish. Had some health things going on.
    - Brenda55
      @EarthJeff Awww. Sorry to hear. Hope you’re feeling better. Glad to see you back Boo.
Asia
I’m confused by the hand on hip thing. I’ve never noticed a man putting his hand on his hip?
- ASwirlGirl
  @Asia
  I have. What I’ve seen is that the man puts his hands on his hip (kinda like on top of his belt on either side. The way some women may do if they’re upset – except the guy is not upset. LOL!). What I’ve read is that this means that he is “open” to you.
- tracyreneejones
  @Asia We call it the Captain America pose..chest poked out, feet shoulder width apart. Picture them with a cape on and it makes a better visual. 🙂
  - Brenda55
    @tracyreneejones @Asia
    
    LOL! We call it the stance. Sort of putting somethin’, somethin’ on display.
    - EarthJeff
      @Brenda55 @tracyreneejones @Asia “Sort of putting somethin’, somethin’ on display. ”
      What would that be exactly ??????????? And you tell ME not to get started????
    - Brenda55
      @EarthJeff @tracyreneejones @Asia
      
      Boy stop playin’. You know what I’m talkin’ bout.
    - Asia
      @Brenda55 @EarthJeff @tracyreneejones Okay that makes sense… I still can’t recall seeing a guy do that though. Guess that’s not a good sign for me Lol
  - SirLoinDeBeef
    @tracyreneejones @Asia Please forgive the bluntness … but this is the identical stance of a man at a public restroom, other hand on member.
    - Maxine
      @SirLoinDeBeef @tracyreneejones @Asia
      Um…so he’s like…marking his territory?
- Bellatrix79
  @Asia Neither have I
ASwirlGirl
Something else that I’ve noticed (especially when I’m at Starbucks) are repeat glances, or non-BM surreptitiously inching to see what I’m reading.I usually give them a break and ask, “Have you read this book?” This is a SURE conversation starter!
- EarthJeff
  @ASwirlGirl I like that. It would certainly give me the courage to proceed with conversation….
- SFbyDay
  @ASwirlGirl I have noticed non BM taking an interest in what I’m reading. I didn’t know how to take it though because I’m usually reading Sci-Fi. Books like the Ender’s Game series which is popular with white guys. Maybe next time I’ll try emulate you and ask them questions about what I’m reading. Also white women will sometimes start up a conversation when they see me reading things like Hunger Games or Harry Potter. So I guess I always assumed it was more about the book and not me.
  - ASwirlGirl
    @SFbyDay No, I’ve found that just the fact that I’m reading something they’re interested in says something to them about me – it provides easy common ground for convo that segways into other topics.
  - ivanperonaamo
    @SFbyDay @ASwirlGirl Really? We would have a lot to chat about. Those are the same books I use to read 🙂
    - SFbyDay
      @ivanperonaamo @ASwirlGirl Indeed we would. I love my sci-fi and fantasy. Did you also read the Game of Thrones and Sword of Truth series? The Dark Tower? Did you hear a new book just came out in that series?
luckystar428
I’ve definitely noticed the whole raising eyebrow thing before, but I thought nothing of it.
tracyreneejones
I had this conversation with a female family member of mine. She didn’t realize that non BMs don’t slap you on the a** and say vulgar ish. They have what some consider to be ‘nice’ conversation/chatting. I had to point out that all of those open ended sentences were to find out more about her and for him to possibly work the interests into him and her DOING what she had told HIM she likes. She was like….”Ohhhhhh…..that’s what that is.I thought they were ‘just being nice’. I think the wall has to do with blacks thinking Other’s are ‘just nice/tolerant’ rather then interested in them as people. It also ties in with subconsciously not seeing ourselves as people. Dog..what dog..he yelled FIDO.can’t be talking to me, I’m clearly a BUNNY RABBIT….meanwhile…..those bastards killed Kenny!!
- Christelyn
  @tracyreneejones “I think the wall has to do with blacks thinking Other’s are ‘just nice/tolerant’ rather then interested in them as people. It also ties in with subconsciously not seeing ourselves as people.”>>>1000% agree. Some of us are so low on ourselves we talk ourselves right out of getting hit on.
- EarthJeff
  @tracyreneejones “She didn’t realize that non BMs don’t slap you on the a** and say vulgar ish. ”
  
  As a non BM my answer is that No, we certainly do NOT do that. Dang…. do some BM really do that? Really??
  - Christelyn
    @EarthJeff @tracyreneejones *raises hand* It happened for me when I was visiting relatives in Texas. Guy grab my ass and told me “That’s the was we do things around here.”
    - EarthJeff
      @Christelyn @tracyreneejones “Guy grab my ass and told me “That’s the was we do things around here.”
      Guess I need to get out more because that would NEVER occur to me. On second thought, I get out enough…. proud I wasnt raised that way.
    - tracyreneejones
      @Christelyn @EarthJeff and did you back that thang up or pop, drop and lock it…? I’m not sure of what they think the next response will be from ANY woman other than rage, anger and disgust. SMH….its not necessarily a BM thing, males of other races are crude. I think it has more to do with classism.
    - eugeniaberg
      @Christelyn @EarthJeff @tracyreneejones I’ve never had a man touch me inappropriately, lord & I’m from Texas. To tell the truth all the men down south seem more gentlemanly to me. Just my experience, lots of opening doors, carrying bags, paying for meals whether they dating you or not. I miss that b/c I’m not going to lie that is not easy to find in men in Seattle, he’d have to have been raised old school, my hubby is that type. But I’d smack the holy hell out of any man who touched me inappropriately but then again I do give looks that could chill ice, maybe that’s why it hasn’t happened. Random men get too close to me & I start giving them ‘the look’. Gotta have my personal space.
    - tracyreneejones
      @eugeniaberg @Christelyn @EarthJeff @tracyreneejones Men have been putting their hands on me since I was 11. You can’t begin grade school out this B*tch without someone’s dirty minded child introducing your female body to things unwanted. I have a friend whose daughter was in school for a few weeks of kindegarden before some boy began hitting her, at some point she same home asking abou X,Y,and Z which her parents hadn’t taught her yet. So…the black female body is treated like a piece of meat. as normal function of society. Just another day at the office. (this isn’t unique to BM though, this is a I find the stories you all tell so strange, as I’m sure you find mine to be despicable. It makes me angry to know this place you live exists and I wasn’t invited. Walking down street with a group of my girlfriends a gang of boys passing by grabbed all of us. It was just an attack of hands. And then you do what……? I”ve been beaten bloody because I prefer to fight and show my rage then to be community property.
      I will maim and kill before I allow anyone to touch my daughter. Her male friends talk ‘smack’ and tease her as they approach, I stand back sizing them up scared that they’re a random stranger and not ‘friendly’ BM. It sucks. And this is why I right….and read so I can un-learn things too.
    - eugeniaberg
      @tracyreneejones @Christelyn @EarthJeff That’s disgusting, I don’t blame you about your daughter. My mom watched me like a hawk as a child b/c I think she had been harassed by a my Aunt’s ex husband as a child. She was wary of me being anywhere near strange men, men we knew too. She was open about things she had experienced so I wouldn’t be caught off guard. It’s a damn shame my mom had to do that but she did. I’ve cat called, that I just ignore or say smart stuff back, I’m a sarcastic ass so I can’t help it. Although I don’t have a child of my own I have nieces, gorgeous too. Two of them are 15 and 16 and like a lot of young women especially blk young women they are developing in ways that freak me, my brothers, their dads & my little brother their uncle, their moms & my mom out. I was in the mall w/ my 15 yo niece she’s 5’9″ taller than me, all curves, small, beautiful, long legs & naive as the day is long. We were walking & grown men were checking her out. A couple of times I had to say ‘what the hell u looking at?’ to them then my hubby would move forward he’s 6’4″ almost 270 w/ hands like baseball mitts when they saw him they got to scurrying. She looks like me a little & is fair-skinned I assumed they thought she was our daughter. I was grossed out, grown men & not just looking I mean staring her down. There are not a lot of terrible neighborhoods in this city, also not a blk ppl, I’m not gonna lie I’m not sad about that. But I don’t want my nieces harassed by some child molester, there are more of them out there than we even realize.
    - Pearl Rose
      @Christelyn *maced*
    - Toni_M
      @eugeniaberg @tracyreneejones @Christelyn @EarthJeff My God, that reminds me of me, except I was 11. I wasn’t tall but I was an “early bloomer”. This Hispanic guy was eyeballing me and admittedly he was cute and I didn’t know any better so I was all, “*.*”
      
      My mom, however, was not amused and was two seconds away from going thermonuclear and murdering him from one side of the store to the other.
      
      Needless to say he made himself scarce.
      
      Even so, it’s really scary what we take for granted regarding the need to protect young girls from strange men who would take advantage of them if the opportunity presented itself.
    - ShunJack
      @Christelyn This happened to me a couple of times. I was at the mall on my 21st Birthday, was walking with my then 16 year old brother…this black guy grabs me and stops me in my tracks…before I knew it, he spins me around, pinches my side and says, “Woo…now that is some Grade A Meat! Damn, can a brother holla my sistah?” I was so stunned and embarrassed….I snatched away from him and told him to “Go eff himself!” Then he calls me a stuck up bitch….My brother is very quiet and very non-confrontational…he didn’t say anything…but I could tell he was pissed…another time, i was getting on a bus, and this homeless black man grabbed my azz….he got cursed out really bad even though my voice was gone…the bus driver wouldn’t let him on the bus Thank God! I hate to say this…but I’m going to be real…I’m guessing I’m not the only BW this has happened to.
    - glamdoll
      @ShunJack @Christelyn
      You’re right this happens to a lot of black girls/women. This is why I’m not comfortable around a lot of bm, especially when they’re in groups.
    - ShunJack
      @glamdoll @Christelyn Right! I have found that when passing a group of BM, I ensure that i”m on my cell phone or seem to be preoccupied with something…or either I cross the street….Before, when i was naive, I used to think this was my issue and that I was just shy and uncomfortable…but then I began to read various articles and blogs seeing that I wasn’t the only woman, black woman, that felt this way.
    - eugeniaberg
      @glamdoll @ShunJack @Christelyn I hate to say this but I don’t hate to say it. I’m always so glad I don’t live in a city w/ a large population of blk ppl. There are no groups of bm just standing on the street, maybe one or two together but I never feel reticent about walking anywhere. Good lord, horrible.
    - oekmama
      @tracyreneejones maybe she asked if he had dental coverage before she reworked his teeth! LMAO!
    - The Working Home Keeper
      @eugeniaberg @glamdoll @ShunJack @Christelyn Eugenia, I share those same sentiments! Like you, I hate to say it, but it’s the truth! I can’t imagine living in a place where I’d have to worry about being aggressively harassed by BM.
    - Brenda55
      @The Working Home Keeper @eugeniaberg @glamdoll @ShunJack @Christelyn
      This is one of the reasons why the BWE bloggers tell black women to FLEE predominantly black areas.
      
      I cannot imagine living in such soul crushing circumstances either.
    - zipporah
      @Brenda55 @The Working Home Keeper @eugeniaberg @glamdoll @ShunJack @Christelyn I’ve been hearing about these ‘flash mobs’ around lately.. bunches of BM who terrorized whites at a fair? and the Mayor of Philadephia who is black had to get involved saying “you ruined your own race” etc.
    - Brenda55
      @zipporah @Brenda55 @The @eugeniaberg @glamdoll @ShunJack @Christelyn I am going to try to give you a coherent response tonight. Hubby and I are just getting back from celebrating my 57 birthday….in style…at a fancy restaurant and wine tasting. After …..count them…….. nine different wines we are hammered.
      
      However I have to clear up the mis-perception about the Philly flash mobs.
      
      The mobs are made up of teenagers who being teen have cornered the market at being obnoxious. the mobs are also made up of male and females.
      
      For the year 2012 there has been no flash mob activity.
      
      The reason.
      
      Good policing, heavy fines for the parents and jail time and or detention for the knuckleheads who are arrested.
      
      Flash mobs in Philly had as many girls involved as boys. Some of the kids came form the hood but some came form good neighborhoods and just wanted to cut up. The parents were hit in the pocketbook and shut their kids down. The idiot kids themselves have learned that being jailed is not worth it so…so far they have cooled out this year.
  - wanderingdreamer
    @EarthJeff @tracyreneejones some white dudes do…
  - wanderingdreamer
    @EarthJeff @tracyreneejones Some white dudes do.. There are gentlemen of all races and then not so gentlemanly men.
    - tracyreneejones
      @wanderingdreamer @EarthJeff I didn’t realize I had to put a disclaimer on my statement. On average, I’ve been disrespected in YOU NAME IT various ways by strange BMs, Latina men are in second place, but aside from being called a NIGGER once or twice by a truck load of white boys, or being slipped a dollar in exchange for the a** slap, I’ve had no probs from NON-BMs as opposed to BMs, generally. Hope that clears things up…
    - wanderingdreamer
      @tracyreneejones @EarthJeff ok, but as someone who is in a 98/99 percent white country, I can tell you there are many white men who are completely disrespectful to women. But, I’m sure you know that anyway 🙂
    - tracyreneejones
      @wanderingdreamer @EarthJeff I’ve no experience with white man doing that, or asian men, aside from white construction workers who seem to be the original vulgar as*holes when it comes to harassing women for sport.
    - wanderingdreamer
      @tracyreneejones I think construction workers have that reputation worldwide. I was just saying that white men are not perfect gentlemen, that’s all.
    - Christelyn
      @wanderingdreamer @tracyreneejones I think that’s a given, wanderingdreamer. I’m just trying to understand WHY every time we write a post about relationships it somehow implied that we’re saying white guys are perfect. Where did anyone say that? I understand the need to not glorify an entire race, but dang…it just feels knee-jerk sometimes. Can the readers get a little credit for discernment?
    - wanderingdreamer
      @Christelyn @tracyreneejones do you know honestly sometimes it can come across a little like that, from some of the comments.
    - Christelyn
      @wanderingdreamer @tracyreneejones Because people are just being candid about their real, life experiences? People can’t freely tell their stories without being accused of hating all black men and worshiping white men?
    - wanderingdreamer
      @Christelyn @tracyreneejones I didn’t accuse anyone of that and I was actually referring to what some of the men were saying rather than the women.
    - Brenda55
      @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn @tracyreneejones Yo!!!!!
      
      That’s Philly speak to get your attention.
      
      OK. Take five on this one.
      
      No one is really disagreeing here but the pissed off level is raising and I don’t like seeing friends fight. Unless it topless in jello while drunk.
    - wanderingdreamer
      @Brenda55 @Christelyn @tracyreneejones Brenda I’m cool, I’m going to *shush* .
    - SirLoinDeBeef
      @Brenda55 @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn @tracyreneejones A combination of orange and green jello … for the contrast in skin tones, ya know.
    - Brenda55
      @SirLoinDeBeef @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn @tracyreneejones Dude (hubby) you are one sick puppy.
    - Shulamit
      @Brenda55 @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn @tracyreneejones “No one is really disagreeing here but the pissed off level is raising and I don’t like seeing friends fight. Unless it topless in jello while drunk.”<<< #DEAD at this reason #3450 to never get drunk around Brenda 🙂
    - tracyreneejones
      @Brenda55 @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn 🙂 Lawd knows I try to keep my language and temper at a minimum ’round these here mean streets, BUT, I try to be decisively general, specifically vague in everything I say. For the sake of brevity, I try, I try, ya know 🙂
    - Brenda55
      @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn @tracyreneejones Guess that means your passing on the jello wrestling too. Drat.
    - Brenda55
      @Shulamit @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn @tracyreneejones You can get drunk around me. I don’t post stuff on You Tube. I’ll LMAO but won’t post it. I’m old school like that.
    - Shulamit
      @Brenda55 @SirLoinDeBeef YOU TWO are killing me.. LMAO…
    - EarthJeff
      @Brenda55 @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn @tracyreneejones “Guess that means your passing on the jello wrestling too. Drat.”
      Well if you need volunteers…. hey…. anything for a friend…
    - Shulamit
      @Brenda55 @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn @tracyreneejones #icant.. i think that’s worse.. i have only been drunk once and I never do it because I am terrified of either dancing naked on a bar or waking up next to some guy so ugly I have to naw my arm off to get away. #CoyoteUgly lmao
    - Brenda55
      @EarthJeff @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn @tracyreneejones
      DUDE. ITS. ON!!!!!!! Who do you want to fight?????????
    - Brenda55
      @Shulamit @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn @tracyreneejones
      “waking up next to some guy so ugly I have to naw my arm off to get away. #CoyoteUgly lmao”
      
      Now THAT is a bad drunk. I’d have to change my poison of choice if something I drank made me do that. Ulck.
    - wanderingdreamer
      @tracyreneejones friends? 🙂
    - tracyreneejones
      @Brenda55 @EarthJeff @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn I wrestled in jello before *looks around* Um, what were we talking about before?
    - Shulamit
      @Brenda55 @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn @tracyreneejones “Now THAT is a bad drunk. I’d have to change my poison of choice if something I drank made me do that. Ulck.” <<
      
      I am sure it has happened to someone before…bwahahaha
    - wanderingdreamer
      @Shulamit @Brenda55 @Christelyn @tracyreneejones you should tell everyone the story you told me about the Russian sailor..
    - wanderingdreamer
      @Shulamit you should tell everyone the story you told me about the Russian sailor..
    - Brenda55
      @tracyreneejones @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn
      ” 🙂 Lawd knows I try to keep my language and temper at a minimum ’round these here mean streets, BUT, I try to be decisively general, specifically vague in everything I say. For the sake of brevity, I try, I try, ya know :)”
      
      Girlfriend U. R. good. What you are saying here needs saying. Neither of you were wrong or really on opposite sides of the issue. You two were just coming from different places and experiences.
      
      Once you back away you both will see that. I’m out one jello wrestling match however …..unless EarthJeff comes through
    - EarthJeff
      @Brenda55 @tracyreneejones @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn “I’m out one jello wrestling match however …..unless EarthJeff comes through”
      I will take on any and all challengers. Hey, maybe we can do this event at one of the swanky “Swirling” book signings… or at the premier of the movie….
    - Brenda55
      @wanderingdreamer @Shulamit “you should tell everyone the story you told me about the Russian sailor.”
      
      OOOOOOOO Shulamit!!!!!!!!!!!! Say whatttttttt????????
    - Brenda55
      @EarthJeff @tracyreneejones @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn Hot dayum!!!!!
      
      Chris you will fill the place up. I think two different flavors of jello works. Keeping with the Swirlling theme.
    - Shulamit
      @wanderingdreamer Not going to happen bub! 🙂
    - eugeniaberg
      @EarthJeff @Brenda55 @tracyreneejones @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn You better save that jello moment for the woman you love. Why are images of the movie ‘Old School’ coming into my brain. You ppl are evil LOL.
    - tracyreneejones
      @wanderingdreamer I’m good. I good. Cool beans. :O)
    - Toni_M
      @Brenda55 @Shulamit @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn @tracyreneejones http://i51.tinypic.com/2cffc02.jpg
    - ASwirlGirl
      @Toni_M @Brenda55 @Shulamit @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn @tracyreneejones Looks like me as I’m reading this . . . FALLING. DOWN. LAUGHING. OUT. LOUD!!!
    - TheFrocker
      @wanderingdreamer @Shulamit *grabs popcorn*
    - tonyrog
      @Brenda55 @wanderingdreamer @Christelyn @tracyreneejones amen
  - tracyreneejones
    @EarthJeff Uh, yeah, plus so much more, so, so much more.
  - BlackWomenDeserveBetter
    @EarthJeff Unfortunately in some environments it is normal for BM to catcall (psst…psst), make vulgar remarks and invade a woman’s personal space to show interest…Some have to retrain their mindsets to pick up on more socially acceptable methods 😀
    - EarthJeff
      @BlackWomenDeserveBetter “Unfortunately in some environments it is normal for BM to catcall (psst…psst), make vulgar remarks and invade a woman’s personal space to show interest…”
      And I find that amazing as well, but slapping a stranger on the ass takes it to a whole new level. Seriously. If my mama ever found out I did something like that, oh boy, she would wear TWO belts out on my behind.
    - BlackWomenDeserveBetter
      @EarthJeff Ooooh yeah, you’d be plenty sore! Hopefully BW will learn not to miss those signals…
  - Kels
    @EarthJeff That’s nothing. I once had a “brotha” tell me he wanted me to sit on his face. He said this in a bar right in front of everyone. I was 21 and quite shocked and humiliated. If some guy did that to me today, I’d probably slap him.
    - Shulamit
      @Kels @EarthJeff “That’s nothing. I once had a “brotha” tell me he wanted me to sit on his face. He said this in a bar right in front of everyone. I was 21 and quite shocked and humiliated. If some guy did that to me today, I’d probably slap him.”<< #Men these days have no respect. I would have said something equally as vulgar and belittling and walked away.. then again I am notorious for my one liners cut you to the quick 🙂
    - SFbyDay
      @Kels @EarthJeff When I was about 19 or 20 I was in a grocery store with a white girlfriend. This white guy actually dropped onto the floor of the grocery store spread eagle and asked my friend to sit on his face. True story.
    - grrlysquirrel75
      @Shulamit @Kels @EarthJeff I was on the T (subway) in Boston, heading home and I was sitting by a “brotha”. Whenever I’m on the T I like to read to pass the time until my stop. I live at the end of the line so I can get maybe a chapter or two finished. Anyway, dude was sitting next to me, and he started out with the usual “You so fine” blah, blah, blah nonsense. Then he moved on and asked if I was ready to have a baby because he wanted me to have his baby. I was like “Yeah, no thanks” and went back to my book. He just kept mumbling about all the things he wanted to do to me. He’d say something and be like “What you think? You like that?” Finally, I said “Can’t you see I’m reading?” There was a woman on the other side of the train who watched this whole interaction. We got to the last stop and when I got off the train, she came up beside me. She said that she had her pepper spray. She was ready to let him have it, but I think he got on the other train to go inbound, because I know for a fact that he didn’t live in the area. Although I was totally giving off the ” not interested” vibe, he still just knew the game he was spittin’ would win me over.
    - zipporah
      @SFbyDay @Kels @EarthJeff WOW!!! cant believe dood are sooo crass today
    - TheFrocker
      @grrlysquirrel75 @Shulamit @Kels @EarthJeff You know… I’ve had a guy say something about me having his baby, and I’m just flabbergasted. Is that supposed to be a compliment??? I don’t want to have your kid! And talk about skipping a whole bunch of steps… can we go out for a slice of pizza first? I mean, damn.
  - Shulamit
    @EarthJeff Actually Italian men are notorious for doing this and ya’ll need to come down south. Ive some WM do this ish to WW and was wtf?? I had t stay out of the country bars. lmao.. But I will agree with someone below. They said something about it being about class versus culture which I think are one in the same. But @Christelyn I’d be damned if someone grabbed my a** and not expect their face to connect with my palm. I may have to reach out and touch someone. 🙂
  - Toni_M
    @EarthJeff @tracyreneejones Had it happen to me in high school and to a girl I knew. It was common. :/ I didn’t like it then, and I don’t like it now. That ultra familiar behavior is absolutely disgusting.
  - MZ Elf
    @EarthJeff @tracyreneejones They do and have! Not since I was younger but yes sirree. Unbelievable, right? Going with a friend to her sons barber shop and she warned me to brace myself for theblackistan flirting. I told her I will plan on putting a ring on it tomorrow and disquise my.availability! Lolz. I am not interested in walking through dung landmines.
- FriendsofJay
  @tracyreneejones I guess we white guys are more subtle in our approach. I would never think of slapping a girl on the butt unless we were going together. I can’t believe that’s a BM’s way of introducing himself. I think we like to talk to a girl, find out what she likes (that way we have an idea where to take her if we have that first date. Slapping her on the butt sounds like a Klingon mating ritual. Pain Sticks and gock anyone? What happened to a smile and a little joke to break the ice?
  - SFbyDay
    @FriendsofJay @tracyreneejones I would say that most black men wouldn’t do this. It’s bad behaviour by the minority. Like others have said more of a class thing. I’m 51 and I know only one woman who had someone grab her like that. He was drunk too. Which doesn’t make it right of course.
    
    Now I do have to agree that black men are more likely to say inappropirate things. Like one guy asked my daughter if she were single because he wanted to spread BBQ sauce on her thighs.
    
    My Asian friends say that they get harrassed by white men on public transit. They will sit next to them and whisper inappropriate things to them. This only happens to the meeker women. I have some Asian women friends that would curse a man out if he tried something like that.
SirLoinDeBeef
Where are his eyes directed (dilated or not)?
WM, if they want to talk to a woman/girl (any race or ethnicity) will look directly at her for about 2 seconds – not glance and flick away, but straight. dead on stare – but also not the long, slow, questioning gaze of the gay man looking for a partner.
His eyes might do the face-breasts-hips-legs-butt-breasts-hair thing, taking about 1.5 seconds total (that’s just any man, period), but the 2-second directed look is the WM opener.
Those two seconds are about all you have to respond (facial expression, lip curl slight smile, “yes?” with rising intonation, 2-second look back, etc.)
What WM will NOT do is grab you by the upper arm, shove you roughly around until you have to look at him, and then commence with what a WM would perceive as loud, vulgar and profane talk, combined with instant boasting – just not gonna happen with any WM not raised in a cave.
- EarthJeff
  @SirLoinDeBeef You are dead-on correct with all, Sir….
  - Shulamit
    @EarthJeff @SirLoinDeBeef errmmm, ever been to Italy? All I gotta say there fellas. lol..
    - Brenda55
      @Shulamit @EarthJeff @SirLoinDeBeef Lets just put it this way since disclaimers are all the rage these days.
      
      As North American men……… now go to SirLoins and Jeff’s post.
    - Shulamit
      @Brenda55 @EarthJeff @SirLoinDeBeef LMAO!! Brenda you are killing me.. 🙂
    - Brenda55
      @Shulamit @EarthJeff @SirLoinDeBeef Can’t kill you babe. I am getting too many beauty tips from you. You are really helping me step up my game.
    - Shulamit
      @Brenda55 @EarthJeff @SirLoinDeBeef Actually those bloody Italians STILL do it in NYC.. And they ARE american.. lmao..hmmm.. But can I be honest I have never had a guy ACTUALLY do that to me in NA. Hmmm?? Maybe I am always giving the stank face?? lol
    - Seenyc
      I’ve been to Italy three times and they weren’t that bad. At least they made it obvious they were into me. LOL!
    - Pearl Rose
      @Seenyc I kind of like when guys come on strong, but NOT disrespectful. I like guys who know what they want and will prove themselves to get it… but that’s just me. I heard Italian men and French men come on a bit strong, which scares some women.
    - Seenyc
      I guess my experience with Italian men has been that the have been very direct but respectful, when I was not interested, they moved on. I met a Frenchmen who was very sweet. He didn’t smell and he didn’t drink. I think not everyone fits the stereotypes we sometimes associate with behavior according to race and/or culture. I’m grateful I seem to attract to nice guys and not the douchebags.
    - Pearl Rose
      @Seenyc Consider yourself very lucky! So many girls always complain about attracting douche bags! But I’ve always like foreign men, I like their mindset.
    - Seenyc
      I think the bad behavior of foreigners usually comes when they live here for a while and associate with people who behave badly. It takes a person of strong character to not change who they are. For the most part I find thier manners lovely! That is a turn-on! LOL!
    - Pearl Rose
      @Seenyc I think that’s what happen too, they become “Americanized.” Not saying that Americans are bad, just that it has become acceptable to behave badly. I love a man that has manners, that is just so sexy!
    - Shulamit
      @Seenyc Nah not do much. It’s mostly a class issue.as is every where. I personally like bold men that are disrespectful because I am horrible with social clues. I need you to make it plain otherwise I’m clueless. I lived in Italy three times and for the most part they are very respectful but those from the lower classes not so much which is indicative in every society I think.
    - Seenyc
      Yes indeed. When I was in Italy studying *cough* twenty *cough* years ago, this sleezy, dirty Italian guy hounded one of my blond white roommates to no end. We did our best to coney in Italian that she wasn’t interested.He called her a whore. We watched as he and his dirty friend went off to harass other women in the piazza. I noticed that the ones who take the time to dress and groom themselves were more attractive and respectful. Just my unofficial observation.
    - iHeartLove
      @Shulamit I lived in Italy for almost 2 years and Italian men are relentless. They stare, holler, cat call, but they won’t grab you though. They don’t seem to treat Italian women any differently either. Some places it’s worse than other’s so it varies by geography, but not by age. Grandpa’s looking for love! LOL!
    - m008
      @Shulamit @EarthJeff @SirLoinDeBeef They will pinch your butt in Italy (and not just Southern Italy, either). And then act like it didn’t happen.
- MZ Elf
  @SirLoinDeBeef You, dear man, may have helped me with part of my issue. I dont look directly at anyone or around to see who c is ould be looking directly at me. I guess I need to pay more attention than I do. Wow…there is a big chance for a lot of missed opportunities judging by what you are saying happens.
- dani-BBW
  @SirLoinDeBeef
  Totally agree Sirloin. In fact I just experienced this yesterday and the stare – more of a direct, penetrating look really – let me know “oooh, he SEES me.” So that gave me the confidence to make small talk and come to find out, we both used to live in the same city.
  
  I’ve also seen the hands on hips thing, though it took me some time to recall it and recognize what it was. I’ve seen it in bars/crowded settings when a guy has set down/finished his drink, usually with guys wearing collared shirts tucked into belts and the fingers are lightly resting on top of the belt. It’s like a way that a guy subconsciously directs himself toward a woman if it makes sense? His elbows are angled back a bit so his chest is pushed forward toward the woman.
  - TheFrocker
    @dani-BBW @SirLoinDeBeef One explanation I read for that pose is that it, like you said, pushes the chest out, but the hands are also subtly pointing toward the *ahem* package. ‘Course, this is all subconscious stuff.
eugeniaberg
The smile always clued me in w/ wm b/c good lord they can be subtle. Not just the friendly smile, ppl do that everywhere. You look, he’s smiling, you look away, you look back he’s looking & smiling. All men scope women but wm don’t look at you like you’re the last pork chop on the plate. If I saw the prolonged smile, I’d smile back, after that it was on. Most of the places I hung out in Seattle didn’t have a lot of blk ppl in the first place, so men didn’t have to guess if I was into wm. flirting is something I do w/ natural ease. I think most of the time wm are just trying to figure out if you’re into them, once they do, it’s easy after that if you know how to flirt. But no most wm aren’t super forward, unless they’re trying to get into your pants. My husband didn’t kiss me till the 2nd date, he was afraid I didn’t like him. But I’ve had some stuff happen & didn’t realize till way later, oh maybe he was flirting w/ me but that’s usually due to just having something else on my mind. Oh well, cest la vie.
Pearl Rose
Who’s the guy up there! WHO IS HE!
- eugeniaberg
  @Pearl Rose I was just thinking that, he’s a cutie.
  - Pearl Rose
    @eugeniaberg He has a very nice smile
    - KingsDaughter
      @Pearl Rose @eugeniaberg and very pretty eyes 🙂
Pearl Rose
He would ask you stupid questions, just for you to talk to him. Which is so cute in my opinion, some girls don’t like it.
Mel_woman
What about if you’re talking to a guy at work… and whenever you talk to him face to face, he refuses to break eye contact with you (even when you break eye contact with him out of nervousness)? Is this a sign of interest or is it something guys from the South do?
- Brenda55
  @Mel_woman Don’t know if it is a Southern thing but whenever a man has done that to me he was interested. Most people when speaking face to face will divert their eyes momentarily during the conversation. This even happens among family members.
  
  It has been my experience that those seeking a connection will hold their gauze a tad longer than socially expected.
  
  The way to test this is to look back and hold his gaze steady while speaking to him if and until he looks away and then see what happens.
  
  If he doesn’t look away then you have to decide where to take it next. What has usually happened to me in those instances is the conversation changes over to something more personal. With some guys they will starting saying stuff that has a double meaning. If you are interested you can mirror his behavior……just let him lead.
  
  Guys have to be really careful in a work situation so as not to get slapped with a harassment complaint. If he is intrested he will find a way to take contact with you outside of the job. I.E. He will ask for your number, e-mail what have you.
  - Brenda55
    @Mel_woman
    Don’t know if it is a Southern thing but whenever a man has done that to me he was interested. Most people when speaking face to face will divert their eyes momentarily during the conversation. This even happens among family members.
    
    It has been my experience that those seeking a connection will hold their gaze a tad longer than socially expected.
    
    The way to test this is to look back and hold his gaze steady while speaking to him if and until he looks away and then see what happens.
    
    If he doesn’t look away then you have to decide where to take it next. What has usually happened to me in those instances is the conversation changes over to something more personal. With some guys they will starting saying stuff that has a double meaning. If you are interested you can mirror his behavior……just let him lead.
    
    Guys have to be really careful in a work situation so as not to get slapped with a harassment complaint. If he is intrested he will find a way to take contact with you outside of the job. I.E. He will ask for your number, e-mail what have you.
    - Mel_woman
      @Brenda55 Thanks! This was the first time this happened to me with guy so i was a bit caught off guard when I realized he wouldn’t stop looking at me while we were talking. But he’s gorgeous so I didn’t mind. lol
      
      I’m definitely interested back. But with him being non-bm and us working together (but different buildings hours away so I don’t see him often), who know how long this will take. lol. He has all my contact info (email and phone) because we need everyone’s information for work, but again, I don’t know if we will ever take it to non-work related or even how to transition to that point without it being awkward.
      
      Chris, please do a post about meeting/dating men at work without making things awkward, especially for us in male dominated fields. lol It would be nice to meet my future hubby at work, if only I could figure how to go from coworkers to dating.
    - Brenda55
      @Mel_woman You will have to do a wait and see on this one then. Who knows he may try and get in contact again. Have you met him before?
    - Mel_woman
      @Brenda55 Yes, I’ve talked to him in person a couple times in for work related matters. I’ll probably see him again at least once more again this year. But I have to email and talk to him on the phone almost weekly. Well,no matter the outcome, this at least makes work more fun. lol
    - Brenda55
      @Mel_woman That is true. Question. Is he strictly business on the phone?
    - Mel_woman
      
      @Brenda55 Yes, strictly business on the phone and emails.In person, longing, never ending eye contact. I can’t read him. ugh lol We’re in the same age group, but at different levels at work, so maybe I should just leave it alone and just enjoy the eye candy.
    - Brenda55
      @Mel_woman That may be a problem. Who is higher? He of thee?
    - Bellatrix79
      @Brenda55 I had a guy like this. He would never break eye contact…I thought it was a military guy thing *shrugs*. I was strictly professional with him. I wish I did go for him.
    - dani-BBW
      @Mel_woman
      I have a similar desire, but for a post on meeting men while THEY are at work. I’ve had some guys who I was pretty sure were flirting/interested but couldn’t hit on patients/customers/women there in a professional capacity. I have one story that went wayyyy bad but would be a hilarious couple of scenes in a rom-com, lol.
    - tracyreneejones
      @Mel_woman Girl, I gotchu…..#worksmash is the bomb, well, ‘dating’ I mean.
- Bren82
  @Mel_woman Um yes.
- KingsDaughter
  @Mel_woman as long as it’s not a staring contest type thing. That can be a bit tiresome and unnerving. How does it make you feel?
Seenyc
I was working a men’s fashion show at the Mercedes Benz car show here in New York back in 2002, we were doing a lot of hurry up and wait. I went to sit down since we weren’t doing anything. There were about ten or fifteen seats, all empt except for the one seat I was sitting in. One of the models came and sat right next to me. Not one seat over, but right next to me! My spirit was talking really loud to me, telling me to say somethng to him! I was going to say something like…” all this work is so tiring”… a little sarcasm since all we were doing was waiting (lame too, I know!), but like a fool, I didn’t say anything. I have thought about that often over the years and knew I seriously missed an opportunity! I face palmed myself many times over this one! He was fine! UHG!
reem11
I think it is so neat when the friendly, smiling and staring at you guys are younger than I am. I have to ask myself sometimes. Do they know how old I am? I’m talking those closer to may age. Now there is this cutie (old enough to be my son) who works at one of my favorite restauarant who is flirty and has a little crush on me. I tell him how good it is to see him again, when I dine there and he just blushes and say, it’s good to see you too. It’s like I need to go back in time.Too, too cute, I have to wonder if he has ever dated a black women before and if a black woman has giving him a chance. The match maker instinct sets in.
VintageNarcissa
I remember once in college, I was talking to this one guy who would give me some serious bedroom eyes. I went for it, but in the end he turned out fo be a jerk just playing nice guy — only wanted sex. But the point was I did notice his signs of interest. He used to raise his eyebrows a lot.

With my hunny, I honestly never noticed any signs of interest except him saying, I’m interested in you. lulz.
deleted_3037890_Hearyoume
I call the bedroom eyes, hungry eyes. They are usually the most obvious clue that a guy is attracted to me and as a very shy/reserved person, it intimidates me especially when he’s really cute! I’m not the type that gets hit on all the time by strangers which I actually prefer…and I’m outside the norm because black guys aren’t really into me and the most I get are stares or smiles but mostly staring. I know i’m sadly an exception to the terrible norm.

Anyway, because of this, the most aggresive come-ons I’ve ever had were from non black men. The worst one was when I was in undergrad. It was right after lectures had let out and there were TONS of students walking around the science building. Out of nowhere this guy SCREAMS at me something like “DANG GIRL YOU LOOK GOOD!” I think the whole building literally stopped and looked at us while I shot him the meanest look ever. I was SO upset! I don’t know if he thought that’s how needed to come at me because I was black (this was at a predominantly white uni) I honestly think he was playing a prank on me sometimes.

With the subtleness, i really think it just depends on the guy and his level of confidence. Non-bm can be very straightforward too. I had this really,really attractive, suited up white guy zero in on me as I was walking towards him at whole foods and he had the brightest smile on his face and said “HI” LOUDLY. I can easily say everyone near us heard it. I thought I was imagining it happen because (for me anyway), it was so straightforward and he was stupid attractive! I barely was able to smile back because I was so nervous! Anyway, it was very obvious he was a really confident guy because of that and just his body language and he wasn’t subtle at all!

Apart from hungry eyes and a guy being completely obvious, I can almost never tell when a guy is into me thanks to always being in my own galaxy so these are helpful.
Toni_M
Yeah, that guy is cute. That’s all I can think of whenever I scroll past this post. *.*
iHeartLove
I think most of the deplorable behavior in the comments below is a class thing. Both social class and economic class. I don’t know any stable middle class or upper middle class black people who would act like that towards a woman…
tlakins
I think the first step in picking up on the non-verbal clues is to open your mind and your eyes will follow.

A few years ago I relocated to a new city. I became really good friends with a coworker, we would discuss my inability to find a quality mate. She asked if I had every dated outside of my race? I told her that I had never even considered it. She couldn’t believe it. I explained to her that I was from a very racially segregated city and while I wasn’t against the idea, I’d never been approached by a non black man. Within two weeks of our conversation non black men began to flirt with me like crazy. I’m sure they were flirting all along but because I wasn’t open to the possibility I didn’t see the signs.