Comments on: College Girl Asks, “Why Do I Always Have to Be the Wing Woman?”

By: CAPT SMOOTH

CAPT SMOOTH — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 12:44:11 +0000

Just out of curiousity. What bugs you more? White women that even though they know your interested in white guys try to push you into relationships with “your own kind” or black women that do the same?

By: Vanessalondon

Vanessalondon — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 00:38:17 +0000

I live in London so just across the water. Some great advice has been given. When I travel myself and my friends never go to bars/places where lots of other British people are, you might as well stay at home!. We want to see the culture and meet the people so we go to museums, cafe’s, local markets, bus tours/boat trips your be surprised people usually know your foreign and so they will chat with you. You can meet some really nice people and find out places they have visited. In London I love to salsa, so I go to classes you meet some great people cute guys looking for new women to dance with lol. There is a magazine called Time out it lists all the events going on in the city you live. Its also on line just google Time out Paris. I love Paris enjoy your year.

By: MissFLondon

MissFLondon — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 23:37:50 +0000

I applaud your honesty and was, fleetingly in my teens, in the same place that you are in now. This is hard to tell another woman but it’s you not them!!!

Wing woman status is a state of mind. I have seen a lot of beautiful wing women. If you hang back and are just the friend, then you will be treated such.

If as a black woman you can still be a wing woman in Paris, then you have to reevaluate your attitude to yourself. While I don’t approve of girls getting uglier friends to make themselves look good, in a city like Paris, being black with white friends is rather like being surrounded with less genetically blessed companions; irrespective of how good looking they are!!

Rather see yourself as being another great course in a buffet -black or white, your friends compliment you in their differences (I’m not meaning to be flippant; I just rather like food and food analogies.)

See it from the man’s point of view -you are a group of young, attractive and curious women and there is a great power in that, if there is one slightly shifty looking downer (I know because I was the shifty looking downer and can still be some times), he might assume that you would be hard work.

Going out alone will probably not help you much as you clearly don’t think you are attractive enough to warrant attention, so without your friends, you might simply blend into the background entirely.

I’ve had these moments myself when I was younger and I believe that spending a long time when you’re young in an area where you are just not the ideal can really knock your confidence.

On a side note, you are by no means asexual; men not taking notice of you doesn’t rob you of your sexuality – they just can’t see it.

I don’t mean to suggest that you are less than perfect, as I have not seen you; however, the beauty ideal is much less rigid in Paris than in the East Coast. You will notice a lot of slimish girls with chipped nail polish, messy hair and crooked teeth. The individual and her ability to sell herself is more important in a place like that than her blow out. Please take advantage of this.

Being abroad is a great way to practice and you can be as forward and as flirty as you want because you don’t know these people. Stop worrying and get out onto the streets!!

You’re nobody’s side kick!!!

By: JQAbroad

JQAbroad — Sun, 30 Dec 2012 08:05:44 +0000

I highly agree w/ the majority here. Go at it alone, in Paris. I could understand if you were in the States, but girl you’re in Paris! Just like someone mentioned below. go out to the markets, the museums, or just wander around and that guys will start talking with you.

I went to Rome, Italy from Sept.-Oct of this year by myself. I hopped on trains and buses, wandered through markets and visited historically sites. In between I met many men, who were genuinely interested in speaking with me, even with their limited English.

Ditch the girls and go on your own adventure. You will see a difference. Oh and it helps to wear a dress (if the weather suitable for it) “Bella Bella!” is what they will be calling you!

Hope you’ll report back to us and let us know if you see a difference!

By: beq343

beq343 — Sun, 30 Dec 2012 04:57:12 +0000

@Statuesque As a 23-year old, who has been caught up in work the past year (and hasn’t dated since college over a year ago), you hit the nail on the head. I developed a sense of self-worth in college, and attracted quality guys into my life. I’m realizing now how incredibly important it is to maintain those good habits of telling yourself that you are worthy of love no matter who you are around or what circumstances you find yourself in. Your comments for this girl in college are right on the ball, and they spoke directly to me too- thank you so much. Sometimes I need a reminder that it is ok (important, even) to have that “mhm” moment in the mirror that Christelyn talks about

By: beq343

beq343 — Sun, 30 Dec 2012 04:55:06 +0000

By: mzsunshine

mzsunshine — Sat, 29 Dec 2012 02:53:37 +0000

@Toni_M
thank you for this video. I have terrible posture due to sitting all day (data entry). My back hurts for most part of the day. I love the health and physical aspects of corseting. I think I’m sold on the idea and will research more.

By: DarlingNikki69

DarlingNikki69 — Fri, 28 Dec 2012 15:43:57 +0000

This type of nonsense is why I’ve begun,ravelling by myself, and just learning to enjoy myself and what works for me. I was at a bar in Spain this summer, and was chit chatting with three people that I’d met and vibed with. It was two white guys, one Euro one American, and a white British girl. We had a great time, and they are all cool. However, I noticed something. It didn’t matter whether a man was looking at a wall, me or whoever, she always thought they were looking at her. This includes a pretty famous footy player who gave me a smile and double take. Her comment was….’Can’t he see that I’m with so and so’. She couldn’t quite believe he had the audacity to look at her. I made direct eye contact with the man, lol.

Do you, and seek out people that are not all from the US. Expand your experience. i’ve learned to not be afariad and just enjoy my travels, my life and where I am. I”ve found I’m much more comfortable and confident when I’m abroad. I suppose I feel more in my elelment.

By: greengirl7

greengirl7 — Thu, 27 Dec 2012 04:21:15 +0000

@Toni_M Great advice Toni_M, and thank you for sharing the corset/posture video. What Lucy says about being treated according to your posture is very true. Most communication is non-verbal, and people who are lacking in confidence most strongly communicate this through bad posture, and secondly through an expression of uncomfortableness.

By: greengirl7

greengirl7 — Thu, 27 Dec 2012 04:14:55 +0000

@Toni_M Great advice Toni_M, and thank you for sharing the corset/posture video. What Lucy says about being treated according to your posture is very true. Most communication is non-verbal; and people who are lacking in confidence most strongly communicate this through bad posture, and secondly through an expression of uncomfortableness.