WHO THE FUCK DID I THINK I AM?
Who the hell was I
to think I’m talented
enough and how dare I believe all that
How silly of me to show up earnestly accepting of extended hands and smiles!
It’s all just a ‘stage’ to them; a personality in a file.
A phone number;
and fallacious mumble.
Namaste; I remain ever so humble
lest I become nervous and my words begin to jumble.
Who the hell am I to think I’ll ever be a loved one?
or ever give birth to a son…
Or am worthy of having a shitty relationship with a
boring man who is only with me because I am the best
he can bag
As he tells his friends how much
as age creeps and breasts begin
He wandering eyes on she
I am used and old and now he no longer wants me.
Who the fuck do I think I am?
Applying lipstick didn’t make me Viva La Glam
Tell me how I can learn to understand
When I haven’t been wanted by parent nor man
A wack incidental slip through life’s wide ass crack
I would change the past if I could take it all back.
I would relax and ask questions
Ask for suggestions.
I would have been more involved in those conversations.
Maybe I would pick a better situation.
or a nicer foster home.
Maybe I would pick a family or lover who would never condone
leaving me alone
and putting me out on the streets to Rome
and be forced to moan
as a love Jones
sucking on bones
but I don’t like dark meat
a tender treat
that refuses defeat
hopping in and out of the passenger seat
while I sit
on a trip
to find a grip
to buy clothes and shoes for my baby girls feet.
Who the fuck did I think I am?
I want to be a woman but I am unable
or not fit
or worthy enough to stand
on a pedestal and look down like the rest of y’all
that have the gall
I HATE YOU BITCHES!!
With your choices
“never in your life’s”
Ignoring the next woman’s strife.
If pussy has value then how many men bid
on her worthiness
wait in line to use her
yet judge her for what she did?
If pussy has measure
then how many women stand and
demand retribution for
circumstances requiring her to sell her treasure?
Who the fuck am I?
A fallen child of ‘GOD’
whose grace his rod could not reach.
I listened to the reverend as he stood before me and preached
It was hard to pay attention to the lesson
they insist this shit is a blessing
He wasn’t talking about God.
I had my hands full when he told me God wanted me to
get on my knees in front of him
Who the Fuck am I supposed to be?
I am a woman!
the one pulled into the high school bathroom
butter knife in my ribs stuck
Pulled and restrained in the boy crushes bathroom
Pulled behind the abandoned building on Bergen Ave
as I spaced out to escape it all
by staring at an abandoned Mr. Softee
ice cream truck.
Who the fuck did I think I was?
No dam body
as I peer in my mother’s face
trickles of red blood hitting the floor in splatters
she knew he beat me
but he paid her so it didn’t matter.
Who the fuck do you think you are?
A self imposed star?
Head held high in false superiority!
You strain your neck looking down
on folks ‘not like you’
to sooth your own inferiority.
Who the fuck am I?
Not a child of God
nor a man’s wife
not a rich white person
a woman with brown skin.
SO WHO DA FUCK AM I?
I am human
I am you, man
and it breaks the heart I clutch
I am what I am
but that’s not good enough.
Who the Fu*k Did I Think I am is a poem from Me Being Anonymous: A Book of Cursed Poem and Verse sold on Amazon. I’m giving away two free copies of my book to BBW readers. Email firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject “Gimme a Book TJ” and tell me why you think its important that women support all women.
Because I dam sure do….*peace fingers*