BB&W Rewind: Love is Blind, but Those People Staring at You Can See Just Fine.

Brenda55 wow! had no idea. &anddi thought it was weird being brown & jewish. haha

Brenda55 Wow! Not sure what to think. Is it good or bad? It's better than what they had.

eugeniamitchell "Once had a white guy say something but he was tossed from that bar so fast by the bartender it made his head swim to cheers of the bar crowd."

hahaha would've loved to see that. it should be a movie scene! :D

Chocomusings

Care to share a little more about your situation? You are in a great place to help you navigate this stuff. We here have walked the walk.

Brenda55 I'm from Canada, so I haven't had the same things happen that I am reading here which makes me annoyed at the move I made lol. We just got a lot of looks. Not mean or dirty looks, just curious looks and double takes. I am much too shy and private for the extra attention though.

Chocomusings

That is understandable. When you choose to date outside the mainstream people are going to look. That cannot be helped. People always look at what they feel is unusual. Some have the temperament to roll with it and some don't. Some develop that ability over time. No problem. I am glad that your experience did not turn you off entirely to keeping your options open.

Brenda55Chocomusings "Some have the temperament to roll with it and some don't. Some develop that ability over time." So do you think that IRR couples that are able to deal with it.... that shared experience makes them stronger as a couple? Kind of "if it is us against the world, then screw the world... we do us for us"? I do find interesting that the divorce rates are significant among the different combinations. Why is a really good question...

EarthJeff

Thats the stuff. Just enjoy the moment with your lady.

Jay from Philly "They'll bend over for David Beckham! " hahaha that's too funny, i don't get the drool-y hype over beckham personally but that's hilarious!

awww poor george.

Jay from Philly

Well Jay let me tell ya. What used to drive us sista crazy back in the day was seeing a fine brother with the raggediest piece of no count white woman he could find then try to signify that she was better than us. We would show up at parties and clubs with our A game and he would show up with this lame behind woman on his arm and try to make us feel some kind of way.

To a woman we would say that if your going to cross the fence make it worth it and not pick up something their own people would be ashamed to be seen with. In the past crossing the color divide was a major hassle for black women.That fortunately is becoming less so. Consequently Black women do not cross the color line for trash. It has always been about quality for black women.

Brenda55

That was the whole premise of the Ricki Lake Show--two enormous trailer park chicks named Lurleen and Wanda Mae fighting over some loser with his daughter's barrettes in his hair, no job, seven kids representing the only time in his life he wasn't limp from drinkin' 40s all day, who began everything he said with "Nawmsayin?" and ended with "cuz ah gots to get mahnz". You and me may have been watching the same episode in different parts of town me thinking "He can HAVE them." and you thinking "They can HAVE him!"

Jay from PhillyBrenda55

True that. What can I say there's a sock for ever shoe. At least that is what my grandma used to tell me.

The trouble starts when Lurleen and Wanda Mae looks your way and you flag them then they cop a 'tude cause you don't want them.

Brenda55

Or when Mr Daughter's-Barrettes-in-his-hair thinks Brenda is supposed to get jealous because he's getting fought over by two Kenzo girls with 4 teeth between them.

Jay from Philly

My man I have been there. It was ugly. Dude had nerve to be holding a can of Colt 45 at the time. Thought the Kenzo gal was a local form of dog fighting.

Jay from Philly

Ergh, I remember that bit and it bothered me and I disagreed with Chris on this.... SOMEONE will go home with George from Seinfeld. Not every black woman----or any woman PERIOD--- can snag a Clooney. Everybody still needs love!

FlutterJay from Philly Who say's Clooney is better. George is pretty sweet in my book. Besides George Costanza (Jason Alexander) is pretty cute too.

http://balderazzi.com/photos/Jason-Alexander-balderized.jpg

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7d/Jason_Alexander.JPG/220px-Jason_Alexander.JPG

FlutterJay from Philly He's too old yes, but I just had to say.

Melissa QJay from Philly

LOL @ "balderazzi"

FlutterJay from Philly I hate the idea of requirements for what is an appropriate IRR relationship for bw with non-bm. Pick who you like it don't matter to me what someone else's man looks like, ppl see different things in different ppl. Something some folks may not find attractive, may be hugely attractive to someone else. It's all subjective. My hubby may not be sexy to everyone but he's damn sexy to me and only my opinion matters. He's an awesome person and great husband. Yes, there is someone for everyone.

FlutterJay from Philly I find this funny because I wonder why everyone assumes ALL black women with a wm will expect the Clooney types(ew) or the Brad Pitt types(um, no).

The fact is that although bm want the world to think that they are all "Denzels"(un, no again) or some swagger kings etc.....they aren't. So if we pick a bm who isn't tv/movie star material , what would make the wm need to be held to a higher visual standard?How many people in this world end up with the movie star husband or wife?

It goes back to the idea of IRR. It should not be from a perspective of "well if I have to date out". Sounds the same as "I love my brothers" to precede your willingness to be in a IRR.

What I do think bw think is that she isn't going to go find a lazy, baby daddy, sociopath wm to replace the bm she was dealing with the same kinds of thing.

As I like to say, loving me is sexy, taking care of the kids is sexy and taking care of business is sexy. Egos...not so sexy.

I was just trying to make some people laugh--God knows I don't look George Clooney or Brad Pitt or David Beckham. That said, I do think that Black women looking to date out do set their standards higher. They want the kind of guy who the drama queens find "too nice",

Mocha Z Just because People mag says guys like Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Bradley Cooper are the sexiest men alive doesn't make it so. Brad Pitt is probably a nice guy but looks? No, don't think so. The first time I saw him was in "Thelma and Louise" and I remember thinking that he was Yucksville. My GFs love Clive Owen but I can't get past the fact that he always looks dirty and unkempt. My idea of sexy is a bit different than pretty boy looks. Patrick Stewart? Very sexy. Alan Rickman? Hot! Stephen Lang? Aging quite well and sizzling. But that's just me.

jay from Philly Yes..its theinside joke and the comedic material is usually a stab at the culture in tge hot seat.I think there is some validity. We all laugh at the joke but it gets used against the women that like/love what they love. We are saddled with some peoples views of being insatiable and unrealistic in love. With that said, I do see some good looking bw/wm couples.

Karla Yup...we all see men through different lenses. Clive owen does have that look and I thought was just me. I did just watch an oldie with him and That look suited him well in that movie. King Arthur. Im not a Johnny Depp fan because of the dirty look.

Mocha ZKarla what makes someone look dirty(not being snarky but curious since I had that feeling about Jeremy Irons in the film Damage?)

sun damage/tan? oily skin or hair? swarthy skin tone? rumpled clothing? stained teeth?

ForestElfQueen I'm not really sure what it is, truthfully. The closest I can come to is that Clive Owen looks like PigPen from Charlie Brown sometimes. The dirty look is overall: unkempt hair, day-old beard growth, bloodshot eyes, rumpled clothes, dingy fingernails, flaky skin... just, ugh! It's like he went on a bender and came to the movie set straight from the bar with a hangover. I've never seen Clive Owen's teeth but based on how he looks, to me, I'm guessing they might be not so great. Now, in real life, he may not be that way but, IMO, he does not film well.

ForestElfQueen Karla Maybe oily skin and hair...swarthy yes but not always. Maybe being unshaven. Not sure exatly what is? Clive still has hotness factor going on for me.

Mocha ZKarla The only film i can think of this sec that I 've seen w/o C.O. is Children of Men... i didn't think much of it because mostly everyone was supposed to be sort of miserable and grimey. lolz

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0206634/

hmm ...dunno he looks fine to me LOL!

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0654110/

ForestElfQueen Yes, I saw that pic at imdb; they cleaned him up. The first movie I saw him in was "The Bourne Identity"; he was one of the Treadstone guys. He looked really grimy there. I did see him in the movie, "Duplicity" and someone had cleaned him up. He actually looked good, for once. But, again, that's just me. He just doesn't do it for me.

Karla I saw Bourne..hmm i don't remember him. I'll have to rewatch.

KarlaMocha Z

Thank you, thank you , thank you!! I get the funniest looks when I say I don't find Brad Pitt or George Clooney to be remotely attractive. Most of the men who end up on the People's sexiest list do NOTHING for me. And where are the Asian guys?

I would go for an Eddie Izzard (in male mode) before a Bradley Cooper. And David Beckham was cute to me until I heard him talk. I hate how Hollywood tries to sell us on who we should find attractive. For me, they swing and miss everytime. I'll buy it when they put Won Bin, Hyun Bin, or Ewan McGregor on that cover.

And I agree with Alan Rickman. Although he played a cheating jerk, I adored him in Love Actually.

ForestElfQueen Karla He was in King Arthur too as Arthur

Elaina as a swirly vet (&growing up in a swirly family & social circle)..most ppl really don't care. ....it's just like an asinine 10%(a lot less in some chic areas) that feel compelled to stare or call out.

OTOH....there's also a fan-nish contingent that really gush:

*over the couple... making predictions about how beeyootiful the children will be(nevermind you might be only dating

*the older people who are relieved to see you & feel you guys are like a symbol that racism has decreased..that their social work in the "60s was for something after all. haha

*also the fawners when you are married with kids. I'm fine as long as the person isn't colorstruck/hair struck...'don't want my children hearing that sort of foolishness.

..sometimes I'm flattered and glad, other times I feel that i'll be truly glad when the IR color differences aren't anything worth talking about YKWIM?...like more enlightened times that i won't live to see in the USA. LOL!!

yah, i can't be pleased. hahah

Jay from Philly the "Damn..." comment reminds me of one I forgot about.

~ "Damn, a headwrap and a white man!" (I used to wear a lot of headwraps/faux gele and i guess this guy's mind was kinda blown) lol!

The times that I did run across bw/wm couples, I treated it as normal. If eye contact was made, I smiled and said hi....thats what I always do.

I once ran across a bm/ww at the grove with their adorable red kinky curly hair baby. The whole family glowed! They had such an earthy lovliness to them. I remarked on loving her curls and hoping she always keeps them. Gave her some natural tips, products etc. when I left, they both waved, smiled and he seemed to appreciate my warmth to her and their baby. I didnt get the vibe that he was the type of bm who bashed bw to live how he wanted. If he did, that exchange may have changed that view.

Here's the thing, Tashi, by letting other folks who you don't even know, have no dependence on, or interest in, regulate your own happiness. I'm sensitive to, but I had to decide for myself that my own happiness was THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. Miserable people want to see others miserable. Remember that. Tashi_21

Christelyn Tashi_21 amen to that, c!