EMERGENCY POST! Desperate Dad Needs Our Help!

Before anyone posts about the murder at Bowie. And I do believe that Bowie is an HBCU, I just wanted to post a similar murder at Harvard a few years ago:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinedu_Tadesse

I read some of the responses here and I am appalled at the "Oh well she has gotta roll with the punches and put on her big girl panties." kind of responses like she will have a few "bumps" here and will grow up. In some ways that is true, but do the commenters really understand how legitimate this fathers concerns really are?? I cannot believe these responses are treating the possible danger this girl is in like getting a few scraped knees after learning to ride a bike. This is the 21st century this is not 20 -30 years ago where men for the most part were not as agressive towards young women new to college or adulthood and for the most part still showed some restraint to some degree and even back then some were still animals. I had a friend a black woman who went to Florida State Back in 1979 (Did you get that 1979!!!!!) and the Black Fraternities on campus would hold a freshman girl hostage and run train on her. One girl she told me of was so damaged that she had to have vaginal reconstructive surgery and instead of bringing these frat brothers up on charges the schol "paid off" the family because many of the assailants were a part of the football team. This wickedness went on all the time.

I am not implying at all that these horrbile things can happen this man's child (God forbid) I am saying that this is MORE than her learning to ride a bike so to speak. Predators are getting more bold in approaching young women and even more bold in trying to take advantage of them. When a sales person at a cell phone store one minute into the conversation can be so bold as to talk about her "virginity" which is NONE of his BUSINESS and then say to her that he knows 4 women freinds who can fix her up (At this point he sounds like a PIMP) I wish this father HAD flew down there and kicked his a**.

It is apparent that this young lady had a very sheltered upbringing and in some ways it is nice to see that her innocence is still intact, but it is true that innocence will not serve her well in her new enviroment and she has to take measures and fast to be more guarded (in a healthy way) and set up some strong boundaries against those who see her being "green" as an opportunity to take advantage of her.

My heart goes out to this father as he and his wife take measures to try to protect their daughter from a distance. I pray she listens to their advice and and takes the necessary precautions to protect herself as she makes the transition into this next phase of her life.

It got so bad that two of the white fraternities had to close their house

I attended a white university my first semester. It was not really a bad or good overall experience but the frat boys seemed pretty racist and you did not want to be around them when they were drunk

The one aspect of this conversation that has been left out is this man's daughter's reasons for wanting to attend an HBCU in the first place. I'm not biracial, but one thing I've noticed about biracial young women and men who willfully enter predominantly black environments is that they are curious and hungry to learn more about their blackness, especially if they come from a predominantly white community. I don't know if this is a topic that was addressed and discussed in his home, but the more interracial couples don't discuss this, the more curious the children will be to learn more. And what better place to become completely immersed in blackness than an HBCU?

I've only attended predominantly white universities, but I can tell you there is a lot of crime, drugs and sexual assault on these campuses, so there really is no escaping some of these elements in higher education. In undergrad, I worked in the women's center, and I can't tell you the number of rapes that were reported every weekend, especially during and after rush week. It got so bad that two of the white fraternities had to close their house. I say this to say, college is a great experience, but it is a testing ground and a place where young people push and test limits. This is also the time in a young person's life when they start to develop those instincts, if they didn't have them before. The reality is this father can't protect his daughter from everything, but I commend him for allowing her to choose her college.

You’re taking offense where there is none. Do most people who grow up in the hood go to college? Are there a few who rise above and climb out? Yes. But it’s a far cry from the majority and that’s pretty obvious. Please don’t internalize the very true statement. You were the exception that proves the rule.

A good number of black people in the "hood" go to college. At one point in time, probably half of the people in the "hood" went to college. Most people from the "hood" had parents who moved from the South years and years ago when the "hood" was actually a nice place to live. The "hood" only became the place that it is now over the last 30-35 years. My parents are older and moved there over 60 years ago. From the way that people from the "hood" are being generalized you would think that it was actually white people making these comments.

As I said earlier, a lot of blacks from the suburbs are ghetto acting, loud, have kids out of wedlock and definitely are not affluent. It is sad that we are even having this conversation. And I am not an exception to the rule....Sad that is the thinking.

The one thing that all of the kids had in common when I attended my HBCU is that the kids from affluent (notice I stated affluent not suburbs because they are not one in the same) backgrounds and inner city backgrounds were all treated the same by the whites when we went into town. I did not go to a school in the city, I went to a school on rolling farmland.

I'm throwing my .04 cents in. (inflation). I went to an HBCU nearly 30 years ago. Things are different now. Back then, men acted like men, and when fools acted like fools there were MEN to protect the honor of women. My youngest son just left for university (sniff sniff) and he did not attend an HBCU; I'm not mad about that choice for him. There is one more piece of advice that I'd given the father CK; and that would be to go off campus as infrequently as possible. Its surrounded by DBRM who live for stealing the future of black women.

When I was living in the UK black men were always bothering me, following me around in the streets wanting my number etc
I think they bother those who look exotic to them (i.e not like them) and i think people are forgetting that here since most are BW who could look to be their sister, they generally don't bother those type of BW.
They basically ignored my friend who is very black and has very west african features but they always bothered me so i think this situation is unique, probably his daughter does not look like an African American woman so she will most likely get more attention from BM.
If they are anything like the BM in the UK (who were from all types of backgrounds, some going to College, others Uni) then I would transfer to another school if i were her.

I have the same concern for my teenage niece because I know alot(in my own family)DBR men and women who are highly educated. A lot of black men have entitlement issues especially those who have or are getting an education. Unfortuantly young women like this will learn the hard way. She better listen to her parents and well meaning friends. As soon as some smooth handsome chocolate brotha comes along and sweeps her off her feet she may disown her family altogether. Most of these DBR's who are angry with the white man would love to take advantage of their naive offspring. It's called getting back at the Man. I've watched all my life DBR men take advantage of women in my family so I know most of their tricks. There are things that they could never get away with me but with a young woman not exposed to some of things I have experienced my become an easier target.

Boy, oh boy, she's going to have the black experience, all right. Yeah, go Bisons!

I hope Baby Girl comes out of it okay. I think I may have chosen diffeently if I were her parents, but c'est la vie, it is a done deal now, that's all second-guessing at this point, and all they can do is hold on for the ride.

Further notes on being "sunshiny," I have become more so and in a balanced way than when I lived in a large urban environment. In those environments, young girls and women learn to be very closed; they can even appear to be mean-looking, because there are so many people around and men (especially the black ones) are quite often in women's faces trying to say something--creepyy! I can still look that way when I go to a large city--closed look, no eye contact.

In the smaller community I call home, where there are lots less people and one is more likely to see the same people over and over again, I can definitely appear more sunshiny, ie., a slight smile if I just happen to make eye contact, saying hi and even chatting when I'm in a place where I think it is appropriate--for example, saying hi and chatting with the lady I always see at the front desk at the gym I go to. And even now, when I'm sunshiny, no one says anything out of the ordinary, except for example, "you always seem so happy and relaxed."

This is the kind of lifestyle I find I prefer. I feel far more at peace.

Regarding criticizing HBCUs and realizing that this sort of thing can happen at a PWI, I think it is important to remember this father's basic story, and I hope he sees what I'm writing here.

His daughter grew up in the Minnesota in a diverse community and in a safe environment, where it seems she never had to deal with this sort of situation: sexually aggressive black men on the street and in the schools (teacher calling his daughter "sunshine"). Yes, white men and men of other races can be predatory when it comes to young women, but growing up in an environment in the Midwest where she did not come into contact with that sort of ghetto behavior--the cell phone guy, it is shocking to him, and I understand fully.

I grew up in a large urban environment, have lived in college environments and in the suburbs; I have relatives in Minnesota, and I'm sure she wasn't living in the ghetto--there are ghetto parts of town out there. Growing up in a big city, I saw and experienced this all the time--black men acting ghetto in public. It all changed the moment I moved out and began living in smaller communities--fewer black men, fewer problems. It just disappeared.

If she were in a college like Ithaca or Amherst, she wouldn't be facing this sort of thing--the communities are a lot smaller and there are a lot fewer black men acting ghetto like this cell phone guy. Yes, there are women who appear very sheltered, but no one seems to be overt at trying to take advantage of it, ie., stopping women on the street or telling them such inappropriate things (cell phone guy).

Yes, they will be hit on at parties by guys looking for fresh meat, but I think it is less likely a teacher would be calling her "sunshine," when there are plenty of sunshiny white girls at PWI and administrators are less likely to stand for teachers acting that way, especially when the parents call in!

Let's face it, in white communities, people are less likely to tolerate this sort of behavior. I have read news stories from my local newspaper of women calling the police for men catcalling them! As such, I don't think this is a matter of a white father of an interracial daughter being prejudiced against black men and HBCUs.

There is a white female blogger who appears on Blogher on occasion addressing the issues of young women in college--it might be useful, although her target audience is young white women at PWI--Susan Walsh on Hooking Up Smart--some of what she says is interesting.

In addition, he should look at Deborah Cooper on dating--what young black women should avoid, ie., the predators who want to mess up their lives.

I am a parent and I don't know if this "story" is real. What is he afraid of exactly? When my daughters go to college I will stress being safe, not trusting everyone, etc.

I'd search for accounts by female students or just students period who attended Howard about their experiences at the school.

I would look up to see the prominent women whom have graduated from Howard University. I'd look to see what percentage of students complete their degrees.

You can get a lot of info about a lot of things. If he has fears for his daughter, then he should first trust his daughter, cliched but what choice does he have, she has to live her life, and he should do some research about Howard University.

Here are the actual crime states from Howard University, it is a fairly safe place Howard.www.howard.edu/services/campuspolice/documents/2009_Annual_Security_Report%5b1%5d.pdf

In terms of men, approaching his daughter disrespectfully and her having to be careful around men, I don't know what college she could attend and that wouldn't be a possible concern.

One look at the lifetime movie channel and their "true life movies" and one would see that "white guys" drunk at college parties can do some foul things to women. Not that this behavior has anything to do with race.

So, I don't know what he perceives as this emergency threat because his daughter is attending historically black Howard University. SMH.

Normally I don’t post comments because there tends to be a negative, mutual consensus about a poster if that person doesn’t agree with the majority. However, I feel compelled to respond to this post because it’s a topic that is prevalent in the African-American community, and it’s transcending to the ethnic groups of other communities with the influx of other ethnic groups now attempting to attend HBCUs.

Whether people want to admit it or not, you’re bound to have a college experience if you attend college; for, an experience is the totality of the cognitions given by perception as they occur in the course of time. With that being said, this young lady is going to undergo a collegiate experience that will be either shared with her peers or unique to her. Since the majority of collegiate institutions are filled with a varied array of traditional, degree-seeking students, she won’t be alone in her background, class status, or racial identity (yes, biracial people attend HBCUs as well…MANY). Yes, most of them are filled with more women, but that's at any institution. In each country (with the exception of China) women outnumber men because the female chromosome-carrying sperm swims faster than the male. So biologically, there are more women in the world than men, and this is one of the reasons why more women are in college than men (there are other reasons too, but that's a different topic)...

...next...

A majority of the students at HBCUs are not from the “hood.” In many cases, many of the students have never been to a hood, and their background is descriptive of an upper echelon. HBCUs are filled with a diverse group of students, and there is a group for everyone. Not all HBCUs are monolithic, just like not all PWIs are monolithic, and to read some of the defiant comments against HBCUs are not only naïve but they’re also invalid and unreliable…making them statistically invalid, especially opinions that have been cut and pasted to prove a point. As someone who matriculated through and graduated from an undergraduate institution that has been instilling the “Black Woman Empowerment” agenda since 1881, my years at Spelman not only prepared me academically, but also socially, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically for my life beyond those Spelman gates. The bonds that I created and shared with others have lead me to advance myself as a woman, and even in this tough economic time, the name “Spelman” hasn’t failed me. Employment opportunities within my field (i.e. my discipline of study) have been easy to obtain, and I have been told personally on the job by my superiors it was because “Spelman produce some fine women.” I know that my experience isn’t isolated because I know of many other people who are alums of Howard University, Hampton University, FAMU, Morehouse College, Tennessee State University, Alabama A & M University, Clark Atlanta University, Meharry Medical College, Fisk University, etc. who have similar situations. As a matter of fact, my fiancé’s company, Raytheon, annually recruits many of its engineers from Tuskegee University…another HBCU that is known for its top quality engineering program.

As far as crime goes, that subject would take me a plethora of time to divulge into. Personally, I can’t count the number of times people were robbed, murdered, or committed suicide at Georgia Tech, Georgia State, GA Southern, and more. Crime is crime, and no matter where you go, it will happen. When a “cure” for injurious actions made towards the welfare of society is created, then we can discuss “PWI crime” vs. “HBCU crime.” That’s just like saying one sin is worse than the other. Calling out one type of institution of higher learning, while making an attempt to sweep another under the rug is unacceptable.

Ultimately, college is what you make of it. There isn’t anything wrong with having an opinion about it, but when that opinion comes from a place of negative stereotyping and stolid thinking, then that nurtures unnecessary division, and looking at the state of Black women as a whole, I would say that's a division we don’t have time for.

Omg I'm reading this guys email and my heart is just sinking for this girl. I know that nothing has happened to her, but I know what D.C. is like. If you don't have that game face on, any man will come up to you like you're their last breakfast. I think the first mistake was having her at that college at the first place. However no matter what school she would have gone to, men will be men and probably would have acted that way, given the opportunity.

I think the only thing he can do is advise his daughter and im glad to know that her friends are on her case as well. But in the end she will have to make her own decision and just head the warning.

LA universities crime rate link:
Notice Tulane University (expensive/private) has a higher crime rate then a HBCU. Tulane is still a very good university.

http://www.helloneworleans.com/crime.cfm

The crime rating that came out stated that the University of New Orleans had a higher crime rate than Southern University New Orleans. I am just saying...

Of course not...but the argument is not about the surrounding neighborhoods...HBCUs are famously placed in highly urban areas where crime is higher... they are placed in areas where there is a concentration of black people!

I never stated that there was MORE crime...I said that there are just as many...which denotes equal...So please don't twist my words...

search using: http://ope.ed.gov/security/

This will give you data of colleges throughout the country. Like I said...there are crimes every where....the types of crimes may differ....BUT THEY HAPPEN EVERYWHERE; some types happen more often than others but they happen EVERYWHERE ...Don't be naive...be realistic.

Jamila...I'm not saying that people are bashing. I just need people to know that ALL schools have issues. Yes more black women are in college...but so are more white women. Yes there are crimes on black campuses but there are just as many on white campuses....What needs to be stated is that college is a choice of lesser evils...much like politics and mates...when you have choices you have to choose based the reputation of why you're there; in this the ACADEMICS of the school...

To those of you who keep and saying that HBCUs are being bashed: please point out anything that anyone had said here about an HBCU that was not true. Either they do have skewed sex ratios or they don't. If someone here is lying, then please point it out and stop claiming someone or something is being bashed when it isn't.

As a PROUD graduate of a HBCU…SPELMAN COLLEGE, that is, I am thankful and I understand why Spelman is the gold standard for young black women. However, I take it be to offensive when people who have little or no experience in the world of HBCUs have an opinion that is not helpful for this man.

No matter what school this young woman goes to, if she is unprepared for the advances of trolls, she will react with the naïve mindset that he father is fearful of. I am from MS. Grew up in a family of HBCU graduates and have many friends who graduated from HBCUs who are more successful that many of my friends who graduated from PWIs. If they, as parents, have done their jobs then they should be confident that she would be successful in ignoring these men. My father had the idea that if I had stayed in MS for school then he would not have had anything to worry about. NOT TRUE. I had high school classmates at PWIs in MS involved in rapes, failed out of school , got pregnant and I even had one who was murdered. Even look at all of the murders and kidnappings in the news (although the fact that they don’t cover them at HBCUs like they do at PWIs has much bearing on this). Yale, Virginia Tech, Indiana Univ, UVA and countless other PWIs all have students in the news who are missing, were missing or murdered. To say that she should ignore an entire collective of schools because “ it’s not as safe” as a PWI is not only ignorant but has no substantiation since all evidence says otherwise.

You will rarely see other races belittling their institutions. Rather than uplift higher education at HBCUs some people degrade the hard work these students put in at these nearly 200 year old institutions. If some of you knew the struggle and fight the founders and forefathers of these institution went through to get the respect that that they have now you may develop a different tune. For decades HBCUs were given a B rating where PWIs were given an A rating SIMPLY because they were FOR black students. This mentally has been carried over like racism, classism, colorism, sexism, and a million other "isms" because rather than helping these institutions people want to fit in with the Jones who don’t give a damn where your kids go to school AS long as they went.
Dad, take notice that your daughter trusts you enough to share this info with you. She is probably using all of that valuable info you gave her to tell these creeps to eff off. An HBCU is as good a choice as any. College is what you make it and she sounds to be young but not stupid. If she has not had a history of surrounding herself with stupidity she probably won’t start now….

honestly i have never been interested to go to HBCU, Never!! They seemly just don't appeal to me. I am from a predominantly black country and i attended a predominantly black university. Now that i am living in US and in the future i do plan to further my studies i have no intentions on attended one, if i wanted to do so i would go back to my home country. The only one i would maybe go to is Howard.

Now to daddy!! Parents are always going to be overly concerned when their child lives the nest, even if the environment they are going into is deemed secure, because no matter what parents believe their children is safe nowhere else other than home. Mom my cried when i moved out. Always keep the line of communication open with your daughter so if anything goes wrong she will not be afraid to call and talk with you and never stop giving her advice one day she must listen.

*cue all the black women who attended HBCU rushing into the post saying how WONDERFUL their experience was at a HBCU and claiming they are being hated on*

post a few weeks ago talking about black women losing weight and increasing their chances at romance
*all the overweight and obese black women rushing into the posts to say they haven't had problems being big and men love their extra weight and complaining about why they are getting hated on*

The reactions are so predictable at this point, there is no point.

I'll just posts Khadija's thoughts again for anyone who didn't see it in the earlier comments: http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2009/08/please-join-me-for-round-of-geostrategy.html

The fact that you care so much is reaching her. She may see it as annoying and unnecessary now but it's definitely in her mind. I come from a Black middle class suburban family. Both my parents were strict and overprotective. I went to away to an HBCU my freshman year and loved it. I was bright eyed and naive as well At home I never partied much, or went out to the clubs but that changed. Every night I was out, it's amazing I still managed to pull a 3.5 and make dean's list. But after a few months I came to understand partying all hours of the night wasn't me. I was trying to be something I wasn't that was because I was away from home. It had nothing to do with being at an HBCU. I even had a guy tell me I wasn't ready. Lol I wasn't. My cousin attends Spelman and she was at the top of her high school class. There are good and bad universities. Howard is a great school as far as academics are concerned not sure about the social side. If she surrounds herself with a good group of people she will be fine. The next few years of your daughter's life will test all that she knows and you can't stop that. Even if she stayed home and took online classes. Trust in the fact that you guys raised her right and speak to her every day. Remind her who she is and why she's there. I used to get mad when my father would tell my sisters and I "remember who you are" now I get that statement. I know what I will do and what I won't do. I know who belongs in my life and who does not etc. That never could have happened if I didn't mess up sometimes. Just be there for her.

Alot of women on hear seem to be man bashing black men making them out to be some kind predators when we know good and well that we can find hundreds upon thousands of white men at a prodominantly white college w/ raging hormones that will take advantage of a young naive girl. Men black or white do that all the time at colleges not just black men. People seem to grouping black men together and not all black men are the same. And not all black men are fatherless, and the ones that are can turn out being better than the ones w/fathers. I'm in my 2yr. of college at a mostly black college,and im still a virgin and plan on staying that way for a while. Yes dudes cat call at me and try to talk to me but so do the white men at my college. Like i said all men do, their men in college their not fully muture yet. No matter how naive she is if knows she doesn't want to have sex yet then she wont. You have to trust your child to make the right decision, like my parents trust me not to do anything crazy. My mother says all the time "I know you wont do anything crazy while in college i trust you because ME AND YOUR DAD raised you right." Notice i put the me and your dad in capitol. If he raised her right which it sounds like he did then she should be ok, but somethings you can teach we have to learn on our own. College is about learning somethings from the books and some from life as a college student.

P.S While i would rather date a man from outside my race. I dont bash black men in the process of doing it. I know as black women we've been hurt the most by black men. But don't make the good ones look bad too(dont group them together).