A Long Time Ago, On An Interracial Relationship Blog Not Too Far Away ….
GAT-DL WARS
*scrolling text*
Episode VI: Return of the Memo
In the past, there had been previous attempts to communicate to persons operating at the behest of the self-appointed Guardians-of-all-things-dark-and-lovely (aka “The Empire”) to understand that spaces targeted at black women who are interested in interracial dating and are largely centered on these black women’s best interests (A) are NOT black love sites (B) as such, do not function in order to kowtow to persons who hate the idea of black women dating interracially or are hellbent on blocking such women’s attempts to do so. Additionally, (C) feel there are other spaces better prepared to obsess over “black love”, and we remain puzzled why such persons don’t make their way there, instead of trying to make IRR-sites into black love nests.
Persons who advocate interracial relationships and social freedom for black women (aka “The Rebel Alliance”) intend to continue to promote the belief that black women must choose men according to vetting skills that place absolutely no emphasis on whether or not the man in question is black. And if a black woman simply decides she doesn’t want to date or marry a black man, there’s nothing whatsoever The Empire can do about it. So long as she’s living her life and being happy, there’s no reason for her to care that the Sith consider her a “traitor”, “gold-digger”, “thinks she’s too good for black men”, “may think she’s all that but at the end of the day, she’s still black (because that’s bad?)” or whatever Jedi mind tricks are going these days in order to keep persons under the Empire’s control.
As so, we come to the latest memo. It is meant to communicate to persons who “hate-lurk” this and similar spaces that no matter how long they elect to mouth-breathe in these parts, black women here are not interested in their thoughts on ANYTHING. Especially our own preferences and wellbeing. It is also meant to communicate some things to people who fell into this space by accident and don’t quite know what’s going on.
First, “The Empire” is not happy with all the attention black women are getting these days. Suffice it to say….THEY MAD. Because time and energy black women are dedicating to themselves and their happiness is not time and energy being misplaced to run behind some black man who doesn’t want them or seeks to use and abuse them. Is not time and energy being wasted waiting around for people who hate them to approve of them and their happiness (yeah, that’s never gonna happen). It’s also made it increasingly hard to sell the lie that black women are not wanted and are undesirable. We’re beginning to see more and more black women on the arms of powerful and influential men of ALL races, and the more that happens, the weaker “The Empire” becomes.
Secondly, in a last ditch effort to prevent this, Emperor Kneegrowplease has attempted to execute Order What-The-Cuss, a mental override code intended to stop the flow of persons joining the Rebellion. The hope is this code will effectively shut down black women moving away from black group think that works against them, and at the same time promote the lie that THE MAN (TM) wants to break up black households and send black women off to be with white men and black men off to be with white women. Thus destroying black love forever.
Anyone with a functioning brain can see the hole-ridden texture of this logic. Remember, Africa? It’s a continent. And last I heard, there were a lot of black people there. And yet to hear the some black Americans talk WE hold the key to all blackness everywhere and if we go so does all of Blackdom. Nevermind the black people you’ll find all over the world. English-speaking, Spanish-speaking, French-speaking, etc. All over the place, all continuing to exist and procreate. In other words, contrary to what Order What-The-Cuss would have you believe, “black love” isn’t being endangered by anything other than people who have no concept of what love is.
Love is NOT dictating to people their happiness based on your own fear, ignorance and hate. Love is NOT feeling you are helping black women by telling them how unwanted, unloveable, and terrible they are because they are black women and the only use they have for the world involves their vagina (it does not matter how badly you abuse the thesaurus to get that point across. It’s still ugly and you’re operating from a place of hate). And also, if you cared that much about black love, you would be out living it, instead of sitting around complaining about other people getting their life. You would not believe something so ridiculous as the fact that black men are being FORCED into the arms of anything lighter or brighter than dark-skinned, “nappy haired” black women. LOL. The BS is strong with that one.
Meanwhile black women hadn’t dated out primarily because of lies, fairy tales, and fallacies. But the script has been flipped and there’s no reversing it.
And to close, let these following points be the T-65 X-wing starfighter getting ready to take out the Death Star:
– More and more black women are going to date and marry interracially and haters can get mad and burn up. There’s nothing they can do about it.
– Yes, black women who marry tend to have better marriage rates than other groups. What do you think will happen when people who WANT to be married and STAY married get wind of that fact? Well while pressed persons spend the rest of the day adding one and one, how about the rest of us move to the next point….
– A black woman’s life and happiness belongs TO HERSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST. Not the black community. Not the black church. Not to so-called black leaders. Not to black family members and friends who would rather hold her back than see her live her own life merely because they disagree with her. So such persons need to get a clue and have a seat.
Anyway, that is all. Excuse me while I go bullseye womp rats in my T-16. o/
*I know someone is gonna want to stroll in here and go on about how they are black and married black (why are you here exactly, particularly if you are here hating on black women wanting to date/marry interracially? This IS an interracial blog. It always amazes me how many people miss that….). Well, good for you. No, seriously. That’s wonderful. However, your bubble doesn’t make the reality of OOWness and African American black male unwillingness to partake in marriage at a decidedly lower rate than other groups less of an issue or a concern to black women today. Other women of other ethnic groups want to be married? They think there’s nothing wrong with it AND NEITHER DO THE MEN IN THEIR ETHNIC GROUP. You know, the ones who take the initiative and make it happen. Black women today want to be married…they are told they are an “exception” and have black men telling them, “Oh black women don’t want to be married”. Hmm.
Two facts to take with you when you leave: First, this isn’t 1973, please stop preaching facts like time stood still and black men haven’t abandoned black womanhood EN MASSE. It’s not a “great white conspiracy”. It’s the choice of a lot of black men. Second, black women are human beings. They are not a separate species. African American women may have been increasingly socialized to not expect to be married (to black men, who aren’t asking), but that can and will change as other men step up to the plate.
Have a good day.
The “Empire” 🙂 I don’t even think it’s the interracial marriage issue as much as something else. I think it’s the idea that there won’t be a gaggle of black women to pull political and social resources from. These are the women who act as liaisons between the dysfunctional and the public, If they go away who is going to lobby on their behalf? They aren’t going turn to the entertainers and athletes they support monetarily or the old guard politicians who stay relevant by staying vague. I think the black population is the only demographic that would suffer from a lack of female participation politically, socially, and economically. Black women make up the over 75% of the total HBCU student body, they coordinate logistics for every public protest where a Black Man will get credit, and more likely to donate time, money, and items to causes than the black opposite sex. Wouldn’t you panic if your gravy train was leaving the station?
At the end of the day, it’s fleeting words on a monitor screen … pixels arranged into meaning for letters and letters into words.
To the best of my knowledge (as a WM, on the outside of Blackistan, looking in, through a glass darkly), I do not find any organized, truncheon-bearing ‘thought police’ … no threats of banishment/exile to a Black gulag … no semi-organized bands of roving gang-rapers, getting their orders from ‘the central committee,’ to bring BW back into line … no ‘targeted wet-work’ specialists, ordered from ‘on high’ to kill those who try to flee … no deprivation of basic rights and due-process-of-law for daring to become a partner in an IRR.
Just (hateful) words on a monitor screen.
@SirLoinDeBeef “Just (hateful) words on a monitor screen.”
Hate eats up the Hater, not the Hatee…
@SirLoinDeBeef True, but there is a great deal of emotional manipulation within the Black community. Women, including Black women, are emotionally driven far more so than men. Many Black men are very adept at emotionally manipulating Black women (it’s called “game”). That is changing for a lot of Black women though. I hope the trend continues for a long time.
@nc4real @SirLoinDeBeef
Yep. The only thing a black man has to do is say something like “I love my sisters” and a lot of black women get wet in the panties.
@Butterfly1 @nc4real @SirLoinDeBeef Lmao!!! You were so wrong for that.
There definitely isn’t a gulag but there are quite a few lurkers in the Empire who are looking for the wigs that we summarily snatched and thrown with that piece.
I so love an extended metaphor. Nice job.
*were
Toni, I love the imagery. YES, YES, YES to every word. (as I dance the church aisle). And I hate the term ‘black love’. Love is Love.
Emperor Kneegrowplease
lol….that is a good one!
This was very clever! I love the Star Wars references since I’m a fantasy and sci-fi type of girl. You have spoken the truth. Oh, on this sentence ” Yes, black women who marry tend to have better marriage rates than other groups.” did you mean “Yes, black women who marry [out] tend to have better marriage rates than other groups.” ? Just wanted to make sure of the meaning.
@Browncow Yes, I did. -.- I worry about typos/omissions which is why I take so long editing my articles. But sometimes I miss things.
@Toni_M Is there a study on BW who date/marry out that states that those women are more likely to marry? If so, where can I find it so I can take a look?
@Browncow @Toni_M
Finding, and presenting research on the sucess of black women marrying out would make a great post.
@mzsunshine @Browncow @Toni_M here’s the link: http://www.blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com/2009/10/moving-on-do-bwwm-marriages-last-and-last-yes-herere-the-research-findings.html3. “White husband/NH Black wife couples were 44% less likely to divorce than White/White couples,” and White husband/NH Asian wife couples were only 4% more likely to divorce by Year 10.
@mzsunshine @Browncow @Toni_M
here’s the link: http://www.blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com/2009/10/moving-on-do-bwwm-marriages-last-and-last-yes-herere-the-research-findings.html 3. “White husband/NH Black wife couples were 44% less likely to divorce than White/White couples
Black Women: “No Wedding No Womb”
Black Community: “There aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”
Black Women: “No Wedding No Womb”
Black Community: “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”
The interesting thing is the Owner of the Star Wars Empire is marrying a black woman. Yeah black women are moving along. I am out and talk to different women and they are all talking about it.
I know it kills black men to see WEALTHY, POWERFUL white men marrying black women because they will NEVER be able to compete with them. I mean black men cant hold down a community like white men and they are MAD about that. They are angry that the black community is a matriach. They hate black women because of it. So you have a bunch of rich black men but they are rich but there is no organzed effort to turn that wealth into power collectively.
matriarch.
@Butterfly1 I wouldn’t even call it a matriarchal because even though black women are expected to uphold the community, they have no real power or authority.
@Toni_M @Butterfly1 Thank you so much for making this distinction. I have had so many conversations where someone says that “black’s are matriarchal”–no, black Americans are not matriarchal, matrilineal perhaps, but definitely not matriarchal.
@Jamila @Toni_M
True. But a lot of black men seem to think that is the case. It is actually just a community in chaos.
@Butterfly1 @Jamila @Toni_M So true. I cannot stand to here people say the black community is matriarchal. In actually it’s patriarchy at its worst because the men as so in control they just use the women as play things and discard them when they are done.
@Toni_M
they have no real power or authority.
@Toni_M @Butterfly1 This, exactly! Thanks for clarifying. It’s matriarchy by abandonment.
Great writing.
Toni, this has got to be one of the most clever articles you’ve ever written…it’s hilarious! You make me look SO smart for taking you into the inner sanctum. 😉
@Christelyn Thanks. 🙂 Also if this article doesn’t affirm my nerd street credit, nothing will. 😀
@Toni_M LOooove this!!
HA! Toni is SUCH a sci-fi nerd — I LOVE it!!!!!!!
Bravo my dear, Bravo!!
Great post. I expect all the hate and bitterness when it comes from black men but I think it’s more sad and hurtful when it comes from black women. Not sure why but it seems that they look at another black woman making different choices as a direct attack on them. I try not to let it get to me and try to stay away from women and people in general like this.
Love it!!!
Nice writing..love the analogy.. made me laugh…but sadly though the issues are real. Ive said to people before..the chain is only as strong as the weakest link. The black community, or any community is broken or worn then dont think that it doesnt or wont at some point affect you and your community. The cities, county’s and states we live in are only going to be as strong as weakest neighborhood.
I love, love, love this, mainly because I’m right there with you in Nerdom. Now, I’d love to see this set to YouTube short with the props and everything. I can imagine it now: Darth Vader in a dashiki!
Thanks Toni, Now I finally get what GAT-DL means; Guardians-of-all-things-dark-and lovely. I mean to ask yesterday and forgot with everything going on. See, I am learning! And, since I don’t really know what is going on, I will not comment. Yes, I can read between the lines but I won’t say anything until I learn more. BTW Well written piece.
I mean I meant to ask…duh
He he. This was hilarious. I can’t tell you how many black men I know who were married to other women or had babies by them and would still try to convince me that I should be with a black man. If that didn’t work they would try the ole white men only want you for one thing and one thing only trick. And if that didn’t work you would hear the white men don’t like dark skin girls LOL. If that is the case, why is it that me and many of my other DARK SKIN friends have almost exclusively dated and married white men. I have had white men back to back to back. Never had trouble finding one. I just wish other black women would realize this and not be afraid to take the leap.
Hey, Toni! First off, I LOVE the tie-in to one of my favorite movie series!
Second, I think you hit the nail right on the head. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had black males tell me that I just CANNOT love black women, or A black woman, because “my” ancestors had slaves in this country. And they want to argue and fight when I inform them that MY ancestorrs didn’t arive on our shores until well after slavery had been abolished. smdh…
@DonRice would love to know what other little nuggets of ‘wisdom’ black men have shared with you about dating us.
@Truthseeker25 @DonRice
I wouldn’t call it wisdom. It’s the same stuff you ladies have been reporting about what you’re told. The dumbest of them was that white men can’t love black women, and that any black woman who was in a relationship with a white man was either faking and playing him, or she was feeding a “sickness”. I wrote a blog on a discussion I had with a “brotha” on Black Planet, and posted it on my page there. I think it may have been posted here as well, under my other screen ID, NATruthseeker. I’ll go look for it.
@DonRice @Truthseeker25
It’s funny how some ‘brothas’ lablel a black woman in a loving healthy relationship with a non-black man as feeding a “sickness’.
However, when it comes to their high rate of black on black crime, incarceration, and domestic killings. It’s the fault racism, residual effects of slavery, yada, yada, yada…..
@mzsunshine @Truthseeker25
It’s always some excuse to ignore or deny responsibility for their own actiions and attitudes.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had black males tell me that I just CANNOT love black women, or A black woman, because “my” ancestors had slaves in this country.
Read between the lines: what they are really saying is that they HATE their mother therefore they hate you (BW). I honestly believe at the core of the hatred that many BM have for BW is the hatred they have for their own mother. There are a myriad of reasons I have heard why BM hate may hate his mother, one of which is that she raised him without a man in the home. I don’t know, just a thought.
GREAT. POST. I LOVE it!
I actually went to my soundtrack list on my iPod and played the theme song while reading this. I’ve always wanted to be Rebel scum; my day has come.
@missbumblebea Good, because I was playing it while writing this. ;D
hilarious…still relatively new, but now I understand the acronyms…and the zeitgeist.
Dear Toni:
Thank you for this post especially the last two paragraphs because they are loaded with TRUTH!. Of special note was your comment on women of other groups wanting and getting married. I see this all the time in every social setting I am in; other womenare married but not black women. It is disheartening to say the least.
Toni,
you are brillant and I love the analogy like everyone else. I like the link from the BS is strong with that one. Halima has really done her research. It is so interesting that some people black men and women will make you feel like a race traitor or like you do not love yourself, if you date outside of your race. The proof is out there in many places that successful black men making over $ 100,000 annually are living or married to nonblack women 50% of the time. I am a black woman who has opened her eyes and I am moving on from the Blackistan group think. I have always like non black men, but I was ashamed of my feelings because of people’s attitiudes. Im definitely “on to the next will self esteem and pride in myself. I cant continue to feel sorry for myself. I’m 40 and single, never married primarily in my opinion because when I was younger I let my church dictate what a good mate is, instead of deciding what was right for me. I do believe churches mislead black women horribly and should be ashamed. Once again great article with great links to back up your information.
“on to the next” with self esteem and pride.
Thursday in class, two of my female classmates–one a biracial female, the other a black Hispanic–remarked that they have never, ever, ever attended and do not know of any black weddings. These young women are at least 17 years old. “I been to a white wedding doe”, the biracial girl commented.
Anyway, just food for thought.
@The_Boss
The only black weddings I know of are my uncle and his wife, and my cousin and her husband. The rest have been mixed or white weddings. It is common for people in my age range(18-25).
I do know of a lot of black baby mamas and baby daddys though, I know of people of other races that live this sort of lifestyle, but the black people I know outnumber them by a long shot.
@thecrazyartist I’m so glad to be a part of this blogging community because I’m socially aware as a result. Ignorance is the worst thing a person could be, imo
@The_Boss Wow, powerful. I’m 54 and I’ve been to a ton of weddings (also been “in” a few). I’ve only been to one Black wedding, two mixed weddings (my own and my sister’s), one Indian wedding, one Chinese wedding and the rest are White weddings. Even though many of my cousins are married, I don’t count them because I’ve never been to their weddings. I’ve never thought this from my own personal point of view.
@Karla @The_Boss Don’t you think some of that may have to do with the diverse circles a lot of us on this blog travel in? I have been to black weddings, my sister’s ( I have three sisters, one is unmarried and the other is married to a white man) and a few co-workers. The rest have been white or IRR weddings.
@Brenda55@The_Boss My point exactly. Having traveled as much as I have I would think I’d have seen more marriages of BP, particularly being in the military. I haven’t.
@Karla @The_Boss Wow.
I LOVE this article Toni, excellent usage of star wars to explain the GAT-DL. This was hilarious as well as true and on point.
Toni is brilliant
lol @ great white conspiracy
I love it! Fave part “So such persons need to get a clue and have a seat.”
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