F&*CK&! STOP With All Your Nastiness and Judgements!!

Chris, you cant shut it down! I can only imagine the BS! But we do need you!

Haven't been around lately because of Hurricane Sandy (I had to work 13 days straight), so I apologize for not chiming in lately.

My comment: When you're on the web, act as if you are talking to people face-to-face. Don't say stuff anonymously that you would be ashamed to say openly.

You know you go through ebbs and flows with this blog. I've been reading for over two years and the audience and commenters just change. At one point we had the bug spray out every few seconds for pests and trolls. I remember snatching wigs daily. Now you have a another kind of pest just not as obvious, more subtle, under the guise of I'm so innocent I didn't mean to do that. When you pulled the bug spray last time, they kept coming for awhile but after awhile they just gave up. I figure you need a little bug spray and then you can figure out who's here to act a nut or not. Nuts usually don't like to be challenged. But no you have no obligation to let foolishness run wild and free on your blog. I don't comment much anymore well b/c I'm bust my blog and life but yea I also don't have time to fuss w/ nitwits about nothing. It's not constructive but most big blogs have this issue, so it's not going away.

Race and gender will always be sensitive topics. I am more of a liberal-feminist type than many of the women in this community, but I've always tried to stick to the issues when I disagree with a post (and not get vindictive). But ultimately, this isn't a 'free blog.' It is Christelyn's space, and she should release the banhammer on anyone who is not contributing to the conversation in a productive way.

Keep in mind, folks, that these are words on a monitor screen - that's all.

Now, when the 'mean girls' start hiding in the shrubbery around my front door, armed with castration snippers, that's another matter.

I think us moderators and people who write/work on the web have tougher skins than the people who are writing one-time personal posts. I like a good disagreement, but when I first started writing it wasn't that easy to be attacked and then brush it off. I realize that people who don't do this on a consistent basis are probably much more sensitive and less understanding about the way that discussion boards/forums work. 

Hmm, perhaps people who write personal posts could be asked if they want the comments section to be open on their posts, or if they want said section to be closed. Or perhaps, on personal posts written by non-regular authors the questions could be submitted to them via one of the moderators, and then the question and response is posted on the board? 

Ok I feel that its just sometimes people are too senstive, but it is not my blog so.. lol. And I know it takes a whoole lot for you to get upset so obviously this is something really bugging you.

Chrissy, you have some serious topics that are addressed here and they will in fact draw various opinions. Some of them may not even be favorable to the topic or author. Many times they are controversial topics. Maybe straying away from topics that are controversial is the way to go? Because if you put up a controversial topic that means people are going to have some possible controversial views. 

I have honeslty never seen anyone be outright mean or disrespectful to the point that you would become so upset (granted I saw the Blasian post and while someone did go overboard it wasn't that persons usual demeanor). Usually the mods have been really good about deleting those kinds of comments.

But then again everyone has their own expectations and this is your blog therefore, your perception is the reality.

But then I have a feeling that now people may hold back on saying how they feel thus downsizing open and honest discussion? So while the people who create the topics may no longer be scared away, maybe the people with differeing opinions will be scared away b/c they feel if they say one thing that is not in agreement or praise that they are being "mean and nasty".

Do you want everyone to always agree or to feel afraid to say something that may not be in agreement to the poster or author to not say something that could offer a whole different POV or enlightening.

I know that this blog has had its fair share of heated exchanges and you do put up with and HAVE put up with a lot as well as your fair share of disrespect towards yourself on this blog at least since I have been posting.

But I find it odd that people who are willing to put their personal stuff out in the open would be so scared of others disagreeing that they would fear making other posts. 

Well I know I can be a little snot, so I will  refrain personally from making posts in disagreement b/c I do have a way of coming on a bit too strong. I will just "like" the comments of posters who I feel conveyed what I feel but in a nicer way. LOL

Well, shucks… I can be a dismissive jerk at times…Ok frequently… and I have a whitish… country boyish… libertarianish (I don’t think this is a word) attitude…  I realize that makes me irresistibly attractive to brownish city girls…

I feel your angst… but remember this place is not really ‘your’ house… it is an internet web site on a public domain; arguably, and soon to be a regulated entity under the UN and the USPUC… which, really makes it more of a ‘glass public bath house.’ Everyone out there can look in, and stare at everyone in here… this is both a curse and a blessing…  It’s hard to get intimate in a glass bath house… Well unless one is into that kind of thing...

You have courage!  You’ve laid it on the line, and opened yourself, and your passions, and your thoughts, and your feelings up for public debate.  Teddy Roosevelt said many years ago, it is not the critic who counts… we must give credit to the man (or woman) who is in the arena… whose face is marred with dirt, and blood and tears… who will never be one of those cold and timid souls who never know victory or defeat.

Christelyn Karazin, I induct you into the honorary Teddy Roosevelt’s Rough Riders' Hall of Fame.  Bully Dammit!~ Ahhh  Take the hill!

Wow Christelyn,  Please do not let a small majority take away a blog that most feel is comfortable and like a place of safety to express themselves.  Those who you know are in violation of not respecting others or yourself should be asked to step back.  I am sure that I speak for many when we I say that some, were not taught manners and mensa or not an ass is an ass.....

Christelyn,

You should moderate the comments.  Delete hateful comments and then ban the commenter.  Just my 2 cents.

P.S. Hope I've not made any nasty comments here. I try not to.

I don't think it is realistic that when posts go up about someone's personal lives that people won't jump in with an opposing POV when they see things that come across as red flags, to them - like getting pregnant within a month of dating someone, getting involved with someone 30 years older, being a ex-Nazi, writing a poem to a stranger, not introducing your gf to your parents for four years, etc. I am just thinking back about the posts where the comments got kind of heated. As long as those opposing opinions are presented respectfully, my personal thought is that they should be allowed, because it is unrealistic to expect everyone visiting an internet site to co-sign with the personal lives being presented in a view post. You simply have to expect that when stuff is put out on the net for consumption.

HOWEVER, likening someone to a dog and inferring they are low-class is probably going too far though, in expressing an opinion of red flags. That's getting into personal attack territory which is probably cause for mods to step in and edit/delete comments. You can certainly question someone's lifestyle respectfully without attacking them personally.

Also, perhaps when posts go up, a few discussion points should be stated, such as "What do you all think about THIS particular aspect of the post?" or "We are accepting comments on X." If you just post 3 or 4 paragraphs about a situation or event with no talking points, people will assume it is fair game to discuss anything mentioned throughout the posts... I am not sure what kind of comments were expected on the Blasian posts? A relationship is being posted about in the public arena so what is the expectation for what the discussion should look like?

Aww, man I'm a day late, but who pissed Chris off this bad for her to cuss?  I don't think I've ever seen this before. ** sigh **

Thanks for this post Chris. You know I've shared my frustrations before about this. Some of the commenters seem to get a kick out of tearing people down when they are genuinely asking for help. I understand that you have to be hardcore and some times slap people into reality...but the comments I've come across have been so disheartening at times and is one of the reasons I stopped commenting as much as I did before and why I steered clear away from comment sections in controversial posts.

my icon picture next to my comments are messd up...anybody know how to fix it?

I'm not sure if I qualify as a frequent commenter, or whatever, but I will definitely think before I post in the future.  But can I just say that maybe some of these judgemental posts/comments come from the fact that as black women and black people we are constantly expected to co-sign all kinds of ratchet-ness and dysfunction that we often have our guard up?  And a lot of times that dysfunction comes from people of other races as well?

I'm saying this because just recently I found myself  in a conversation with a DBR-loving white woman who dropped such statements as "its not a big deal if a guy I'm with has been in jail",  "education isn't that important" and "it's ok if a man has kids by other women".  She just assumed I would agree with her and was offended when I didn't.  I was being judgemental.  I think some of the judgemental comments are coming from people who are protective of this space and don't want that sort of dysfunction creeping into it, as others tend to seek out blacks to co-sign their "ratchet-ness".

Regardless of course this is your house and your rules.  I just want to say I absolutely love this site I stumbled across it a few months ago seeking more information about an exploited young black girl and this was one of the FEW sites that was actually covering the story in a fair, loving and diplomatic way. 

this is YO house, Chris

you payin the bills, you set the rules

'nuff said.

I read the post in question, and NGL, I don't see where it was nasty and judgmental.  The author was calling out someone who is clearly disrespecting his girlfriend, and sometimes only harsh words can make a person realize the error of their ways.

It's okay to have differing opinions as long as it doesn't become personal. I've read a lot of comments lately that are just balls to the wall "I'm gonna say what I wanna say with no filter and no consideration for how it sounds to others". Feel free to talk like that to people you actually know, if that's how you do, but for those that you don't know on a personal level, it's not necessary. To use the title of a Bebe Moore Campbell book, your blues ain't like mine, meaning all of our experiences are different. Healthy debate is important in life, but when it becomes a smackdown, it has crossed over to being unhealthy and unhelpful.

I like reading all of the different opinions, but I see how they can easily turn into arguments and the blog can start to have a negative vibe. I know some of the things I've said have probably not been the best or nicest, but I usually try not to be nasty about things (I admit, not always). It's also a matter of differing opinions. If you don't agree with something, you're more likely to see it as an attack or negativity. Things can be easily misinterpreted through the net. I enjoy reading this blog, both the serious and light hearted articles, and hope it isn't shut down. The difficult part is, where do you draw the line between a heated debate and an argument on a blog? With the exception of cussing someone out and threats, how do we know what is allowed to be said and what is inappropriate? There is a huge gray area..What is appropriate to one person, may sound off the wall to another, I think the moderators should just continue to call us out for it so we know when we get out of line, I guess...

I agree with you that internet discussion boards, in general, can get way out of control and very "Jerry Springer-ish" and they need to be monitored for abuse. When I say abuse, I'm speaking of foul language, personal attacks, name-calling, threats. I also think obvious trolls (those who come to undermine the discussion or the mission of the site, not just offer an opinion) need to be shut down,

What I often fear, however, is that when someone offers an opinion or criticism that the moderators just plain don't like, they too will get shut-out. I followed the discussion on the Blasian (part II) article yesterday and did not comment.  However, I thought a lot of the criticism of the couple was valid and felt that those who were just stating their views were being accused of "attacking" them and somehow being too "judgmental". This is a site that I followed for a long time and then recently joined because I support the empowerment of black women to look beyond the confines of race and culture in order achieve happiness and fulfillment. But not every story of IRR is empowering or positive, and I didn't think that particular one was. I also didn't feel a need to comment and express that, but others did.

I 100% agree that if foul and abusive language was involved those people should have been checked, but just because someone disagrees with a post or has a strong opinion that they want to express, doesn't mean they should be put down. That's what I worry about.