Gratitude is the most exquisite form of courtesy.

-Jacques Maritan

Rabbi Schmuley Boteach recently wrote an article about the main reason that rabbi’s and other clergy are experiencing burnout is not due to an increase in their work load, but a decrease in gratitude.  You do not have to be a religious leader of any kind to notice that people are just not as grateful (or at least not expressing it) as they used to be towards those who do things for them that merit a response of gratitude.  There seems to be a sense of entitlement that has overtaken people to the point where the words  “thank you “ is becoming absent from our everyday language.

Recent studies have shown that those who are grateful experience health benefits over those who are not. Robert Emmons shares in his  book Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier several studies about gratitude’s connection to health. Emmons  and his colleagues conducted one of the studies where they divided participants into three groups, and instructed them to make journal entries on a weekly basis. One group was to write five things they were grateful for, the second  group was to described five daily problems and the third group was to list five events that had affected them in some way. Those in the gratitude group felt better about their lives in the long run, were more optimistic about the future, and reported fewer health problems than the members of the other groups. If you google “Health and gratitude” an abundant list of articles are available to attest to this fact.

Simply put, in addition to the scientific research, to be grateful is a demonstration of good manners. It is indeed an exquisite form of courtesy  that  Jacques Maritan so beautifully spoke. It demonstrates that we have an appreciation for people and what they contribute to our lives no matter how big or small. I say thank you when someone opens a door for me. I say thank you to the waiter/waitress who keeps my glass filled with iced tea and asks me if I am enjoying my dinner. I send thank you notes handwritten and mailed, not in emails when I have received a gift or an invitation from a friend or family member. I call my parents on my birthday to thank them for giving me life over the expectation of a gift because it reminds me that if they did not give me life I would have no birthday candles to blow out. I have days when I want to complain more than be grateful, but when I look around me, I realize everyday I have a reason to say “thank you” for something, like the little boy who told me was pretty in the drugstore a few days ago. I was very thankful for that compliment, it gave me a smile in the middle of a very difficult day.

Would it kill us to say thank you? To show gratitude when someone does something nice for us even when it is “their Job”? No animals will be harmed in the process and in this economy, it is free and can be beneficial not only to the recipient but to you as well.

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The following are my top 6 reasons you should start learning another language this year:

1. Knowing a language other than English will give you added credibility with employers who are seeking truly global candidates for their top jobs. If an employer is looking to promote someone into a new position in another country, it’s likely that they’ll pick a current employee who speaks the language of that company to be a part of the initial group that moves overseas. Shouldn’t that pick be you?

2. You will be able to communicate with billions more people all across the planet. Sure, English is one of the top 5 languages spoken around the world. But there are 3 times as many people who speak Mandarin Chines as the number who speak English.  There are over a hundred million people who speak Spanish, Portuguese and Russian. If you are even traveling in a place where a common language besides English is spoken, don’t you think it would be nice to chat it up with the locals?

3.  People who who are multilingual are perceived as being more intelligent than those who only speak one language. I don’t know about you, but I want to look like a cultured, smarty-pants.

4. There are men all over the world who would happily date, mate and relate to beautiful, black woman such as yourself. Oneika, of Oneika the Traveller blog fame, has said,–and I quote–” you know foreign rainbeaus love us sistas”. Oneika has been all over the world and has a hot boyfriend, therefore you can trust that she speaks truth.

5. You can move to a country with millions of Spanish speaking men and meet up with one of those Antonio’s that Christelyn keeps featuring as a Hottie of the Week.

For those of you who already speak more than one language, what languages do you speak? When did you start learning your second (or third, or fourth) language? Any tips for us new-language newbies on picking up a language fast and easy?

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When Fleace Weaver, founder of Black Girl Travel, saw this clip, she was outraged at the cheap display of hood-ism, especially since she had just come off a trip to South Africa with her girls. Weaver’s company is an international traveling group that specializes in organizing trips for black women who don’t feel comfortable traveling alone.

Ja’Net Defell, one of the women who took the SA trip with Weaver said, “My initial thought of the RHOA is they are a bad portrayal of African American women. I recognize that it is a reality show and ratings are a factor. However, I think it’s sad that six women can’t take a journey of a lifetime without drama. Blackgirltravel.com organized more than 40 women to visit the motherland. We had an emotional, educational, and bonding experience that will stay with us forever. I think if the RHOA spent less time focusing on VIP status, Rolex watches and money in a bank account, they could take advantage of the experience right in front of their face. Sad so sad.”

Here’s what Debbie Marrs, another BGT member had to say:

While the RHOA arrived in South Africa with designer handbags, stilettos and plenty of attitude and discord among them, BGT arrived in South Africa with open hearts, open minds and a sense of sisterhood and camaraderie. Like the RHOA, we had more than our share of good times; we even sat at VIP tables in Cape Town and sipped champagne, wine and cocktails, but what BGT really drank in during our trip was the beauty of the land, the warmth of the people, a connection to their history and a sense of kinship — both with each other and with “our people” in South Africa. We left South Africa deeply affected, more committed to setting the right priorities in our lives, which have now been enriched by this experience. Somehow, I think the RHOA will return to Atlanta the same as when they left, and they will have missed the whole point!

She and I had a great conversation about the “Real Housewives” ratchetness, the perilous impression of black women on the international stage, and of course, much about black girls traveling.

Take a listen:

Check out these chocolate bellas in Italy…

Pack your bags, girls!

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My family friend said the incident deeply disturbed him; fervent religious worship is one thing, falling out on the floor with the appearance of being in a catatonic or seizure-like state is quite another.

Luckily, the pastor who had fallen out on the floor was eventually able to get up without any assistance.

Certain denominations of churches are known for their spirited worship services, where congregants are  not only allowed but encouraged to run around the church, speak in tongues, shout and be as disruptive as possible. But if someone is truly having a mental breakdown or a seizure, how you would be able to differentiate if the person is experiencing an acute-onset medical problem that requires medical attention from a sign of religious fervor that is sure to abate once the choir stops singing?

Several Bible quotes refer to making sure that worship and other activities done in church take place in a ‘decent and orderly’ fashion.

In light of the recent coronation of Bishop Eddie Long of New Birth Missionary Baptist church as a ‘king’, is it possible that too many predominately black churches have lost their way when it comes to not only worshiping God in church, but practicing the faith in ‘Spirit’ and truth?

If you are Christian, give me you thoughts on the state of predominately black churches today. If you are NOT a Christian, tell us what you think too; was there something about the way you saw Christianity being practiced that caused you to leave the church but not leave Christ?

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Fred Camillo is a Facebook friend of mine, and just so happens to be a State Representative for Greenwich (R-151), Connecticut. Oh. Did I mention he was single, has a…uh…fondness? lol

The 2012 GOP primary season is shaping to be a ” hair-pulling” and “head-scratching” time for both the Republican Establishment and the rank and file of the Party of Lincoln and Reagan faithful. Just who are these men who would be the heirs of TR, Ike, and the Gipper? Who will be ultimately be the challenger to the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama? Will there be a political giant rushing in at a late point in the race  and ensuring a brokered GOP convention?

The past and present frontrunner, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, has had a hard time getting over the 25% range of support, a sign that is not lost on pundits who daily point this out on the major media outlets. Mr. Romney’s troubles are multi-pronged and problematic for anyone involved in a primary: he presided over a healthcare initiative that resembles the one he has been criticizing  on the Federal level, the infamous Obamacare; his wealth is being held against him, fairly or unfairly; his off-shore accounts are easy targets; and the not often spoken about subject of his religion, something that the late John F. Kennedy and the current President,  know something about. Still, he remains ” Mr. Inevitable”, as a friend reminded me the other day.

Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, the man that has come to be Gov. Romney’s main competitor, is the Leo Duroucher of politics … not many love him, lots loathe him, and others just want him on their side. He is entertaining to listen to, engaging, smart, and some would even say visionary. However, the perpetual anger and rocky personal life is not something that is seen as an asset when courting Independents over to the cause. As the legendary sportscaster Howard Cosell used to say, ” time will tell” if Speaker Gingrich can prove the experts wrong, not implode, and win the Presidency.

Former Sen. Rick Santorum, a social Conservative who makes no excuses for it, nor gives any quarter, is a long shot who got a ” shot” in the arm with his strong showing in the Iowa caucuses. A principled man, he has been hugely outspent by the frontrunners and figures not to be in the running this Summer.

Lastly, we have Texas Rep. Ron Paul, a medical doctor who is the Libertarian choice. Without a doubt, his passionate base of support is wide and strong, even if not very deep … he is the only one of the four who draws support from Republicans, Democrats, and Independents. His message of adhering to the Constitution and support for a gold-backed dollar is hitting home with many across the political spectrum.

As we begin election year 2012, President Barack Obama, buoyed by poll numbers that have been treading upward lately, now stands a much better chance at being re-elected than just a few months ago despite polls showing the majority of voters giving him poor marks on his handling of the economy. This is due to many reasons, not the least of which is no “stand above the rest” Republican front runner. That, of course, will change as we get closer to the August convention in Tampa.

Moreover, many are harkening back to 1980 when early polls showed President Jimmy Carter beating Republican challenger Ronald Reagan by 30 points. On Election Day that November, those polls seemed a lifetime away as Ronald Reagan trounced the sitting President, winning 44 states to Carter’s 6. However, this is not 1980 … and no where is there a Ronald Reagan to be seen.

In the end, what the country, the world, and  the still fragile economy look like in the fall will most likely determine who will be Number 45, and who will be the footnote whose performance is noted only by historians and future candidates.

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ABG Trivia: Did you know that all the “Gut Busters” scenes are filmed in her father’s doctor’s office? Speaking of doctors, everyone expected Issa to follow in her father’s footsteps and go to med school, but when the Stanford graduate majored in “flowers,” as her father put it, the family was a bit skeptical, and quite frankly, worried to the point of nearly wetting their pants. They shouldn’t be anymore. Issa brilliantly harnessed the power of You Tube and social networking to make her ABG a break-out success. When the series was in peril of folding due to lack of funding, Issa rallied her fans and raised over $20,000 in a matter of days. Like…whoa.

At the season finale, everyone in the blogesphere was biting their nails about who her character,”J” would pick in the love triangle between African American “Fred,” and aptly named, “White Jay.” Not that Fred wasn’t a good guy (and really cute–is he blasian?), but BB&W was on #teamwhitejay all the way.

In an age when black beauty is marginalized by an all pervasive media, Issa circumvented the traditional route of pitching ABG to Hollywood, and created a success out of a video camera, a script-writer friend, and a handful of other friends and very few hired actors. By the way, “White Jay” is one of those hired actors. So was the big-booby nurse that appeared in the last few epis.

She makes the New, NEW Black Woman for all those reasons and more. She has harnessed her creativity, humor and social circle to produce what might one day be a huge money-maker, and stick Hollywood in the eye, because it will show that you don’t have to be a mammy, Jezebel, or a b*tch to make a good black female character on the TEE VEE.

You make us look good, girl. Go get ‘em, Issa.

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• 1 pound sweet or hot Italian sausage, or ground pork your choice
• 3/4 pound lean ground beef
• 1 medium minced onion
• 4 cloves garlic, crushed
• 1 (28 ounce) can stewed tomatoes mashed
• 2 (6 ounce) cans tomato paste
• 2 (6.5 ounce) cans canned tomato puree
• 1 cup V8 Juice
• 1 1/2 teaspoons dried basil leaves crushed
• 1 teaspoon oregano crushed
• 2 teaspoon Italian seasoning crushed
• 1 tablespoon sea salt
• 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 4 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
• 12 lasagna noodles (see tip below)**
• 16 ounces ricotta cheese (optional, I don’t care for it)
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 pound mozzarella cheese, sliced
• 3/4 pound sliced provolone
• 3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese (optional)

Directions

1.     In a Dutch oven, cook sausage, ground beef, onion, and garlic over medium heat until well browned.  Stir in crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, tomato sauce, and water.  Season with sugar basil fennel seeds Italian seasoning, 1 tablespoon salt, pepper, and 2 tablespoons parsley.  Simmer covered, for about 1 hour, stirring occasionally. (If you cook it too long the acids in tomatoes get converted to sugars, and makes the sauce sweeter.)

2.     Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil.  Cook lasagna noodles in boiling water for 8 to 10 minutes.  Drain noodles, and rinse with cold water.  In a mixing bowl, combine ricotta cheese with egg, remaining parsley, and 1/2 teaspoon salt.

3.     Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).

4.     To assemble, spread 1 1/2 cups of meat sauce in the bottom of a 9×13 inch baking dish.  Arrange 6 noodles lengthwise over meat sauce.  (If you use a smaller pan, make 4 layers, or as many as you can. use less sauce and cheese between layers.)  Spread with one half of the ricotta cheese mixture.  (optional)  Top with a third of mozzarella cheese slices.  Spoon 1 1/2 cups (seems like a lot, but it isn’t) meat sauce over mozzarella and sprinkle with 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese.  Repeat layers, and top with remaining mozzarella and Parmesan cheese.  Cover with foil: to prevent sticking, either spray foil with cooking spray, or make sure the foil does not touch the cheese.  Spoon any leftover sauce over portions if desired.

5.     Bake in preheated oven for 25 minutes.  Remove foil, and bake an additional 25 minutes.  Cool for 15 minutes before serving

** In some Italian Restaurants’ the chef doesn’t cook the noodles, they soak them in hot water for 30-45 minutes or till soft.  This prevents the noodles from becoming soggy and mushy.

For more of Chef Bob’s delicious recipes, visit the Ultimate Recipe XChange on Facebook here.

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“What can I get for you?” he said.

“Oh, I just want some catfish. 4 pieces, two pieces to a package please.”

“Are you cooking this for you boyfriend?”

Did he just ask that? I’m sure I started to blush.

“Oh, no. No boyfriend.”

“Ah, you’re cooking for a guy then?”

“Yeah, I’m the guy.”

He looked up from wrapping my fish. “I wouldn’t say that, you look nothing like a guy to me.”

We chatted a bit. He was a college student, which made sense, considering this is a college town. He asked where I was from; I told him. I asked was he from around here. He said no, but didn’t offer to tell me from where he hailed. I decided not to question any further. He handed me my fish.

I said, “You know what, can you tell me how spicy this sausage is? I’d like some really spicy sausage to put into a dish.”

“It’s a little spicy, but not spicy enough for me. I’m an Italian. We like our food really spicy.”

We caught each other’s eyes for second and I quickly looked away. Now I know I was blushing.

“OK, give me two pieces.”

“Is this piece big enough for you, I want to make sure your happy with it,” he said, while showing me a sausage through the glass that appeared to be about the same level in height as his…

“Naw, that’s not big enough. Give me the big one, right behind where your hand is…”

He packaged my sausage for me.

“Now if this doesn’t taste right, I’m bringing it back here and blaming it on you.”

“You can’t blame it on me.”

“Nope, you allowed me to purchase it, so I’m blaming it on you if I have to bring it back.”

“Okay, you can blame it on me if you have to bring it back.”

I took my sausage and tossed it into the cart.

The guy looked about 19 or 20, and since I am decidedly NOT ready to start my cougar days, I made a quick getaway down the cereal aisle. But Lord forgive me, I spent the rest of my grocery shopping trip wanting to go back to fish-man and order more sausage.

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But those beautiful black hands do more that caress and attack. They create thoughtful prose, like her latest piece, The Sexy Part of the Bible, which was recently recognized as one of the best independent books by Hey, SMALL PRESS!

As if you haven’t figured it out already, Kola makes the list of the New, NEW Black Woman because she has maximized her beauty, brains and notoriety  to her own benefit while empowering and inspiring countless black women. She embraces her culture and her blackness, she shows us it’s okay to be sexy and sensual. There is also a soft and tender side to Kola, and to be her friend is like warm sunshine through a picture window.

From Kola‘s bio:

Of equal importance, Kola Boof became a “WOMANIST”…Alice Walker’s now famous term that signifies a sensuous kind of black feminism. Along with rejecting the media labeling her a “sex slave”, Boof also rejected the term “Strong Black Woman”. She insists, “I am the LIVING WOMAN…not a strong black woman. I live my life, and there are times when I am very weak, times when I need my children’s support or the love and understanding of a man. I always need GOD, I need black women friends. So I am not comfortable with that blanket label–strong black woman. Black women have been unfairly demonized by White Supremacist Culture and we are called ‘Strong’ as a way of not including us alongside other women. The purpose is to breed blacks out of the land by disallowing the black woman being acknowledged, and I’m against that.

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Travelling solo in Chile last October

 The most frequently asked question I get is how I afford to travel, which I answered in this post.  The second? My tips for solo female travel.

 I reluctantly did my first solo trip in 2007 to Zacatecas, Mexico.  I had just moved to Monterrey, Mexico to start a new teaching job the month before, and was already anxious to begin exploring the rest of the country. Zacatecas, a five hour bus journey away, was the perfect weekend trip and a great  opportunity to get myself better acquainted with my querido Mexico.  After searching for a travel partner and coming up empty-handed, I did something I never imagined I would do: I booked a ticket… For one. Gulp!

Above: On my first solo trip in 2007 in Zacatecas, Mexico

I was concerned… About my safety. About how I would occupy my time and itinerary sans travel companion(s). About how I would possibly look like a “loser” for travelling alone.

 But guess what?  The trip went amazingly well.  I met people. I saw cool stuff.  And most importantly, I realized that I could travel on my own. No longer a slave to others’ schedules, finances, and indecision about just whether they wanted to travel with me or not, what’s followed since are a slew of solo journeys that have taken me to the literal and figurative hot spots of Central and South America, through Europe, and  down to Australia.

Solo trip to Iceland in 2010

I have learned that I enjoy travelling by myself, and that, more importantly, I am confident travelling by myself- I never compromise my safety. What’s more, you are not a “loser”for rolling solo; quite the contrary in fact!

Being able to travel alone signals a certain self-assuredness in oneself; a desire do to more and see more on one’s own terms. Travelling solo is freeing and helps you to become more aware, both of yourself and of your surroundings.

 Here are my 9 tips for solo travel if you’re a girl.

Above: solo in Sydney, Australia in 2010; below: solo in Dublin, Ireland in 2009

 1.  Be prepared.

A well-prepared itinerary helps me feel secure and keeps me occupied. I do a lot of research and planning before I get on the bus/plane/train.  At the very least, as a female travelling alone, you should book your first night of accomodation before your arrival at your destination.  Heck, plan your whole first one or two days!

 2.  Look purposeful/confident and keep boredom at bay.

Being prepared and knowing where you’re going helps immensely with this.  Don’t show your ignorance, fear, and vulnerability while on the road- it may encourage unwanted attention and invite others to take advantage of you. Try not to idle on the sidewalk looking lost; instead approach someone who looks knowledgeable right away and confidently ask where you need to go. Bring a book to restaurants so you’re not staring off into oblivion, uncomfortably waiting for your food to come.

 3.  Do the walking tours/excursions.

Kill two birds with one stone: learn about your destination and battle loneliness at the same time. Walking tours are a great way to orient yourself, as well as meet other adventure-seekers discovering the same place as yourself.  I met to see Riverdance with a some Australians I met on a walking tour of Dublin.  I went to eat kebabs with folks I met on the free walking tour in Budapest and had fish and chips with an American couple I met on the walking tour in Edinburgh.  In the Chilean desert, I booked three days of excursions with a local operator and spending the three days touring with the same group of travellers. In all cases, strangers, became friends, at least for a little while.

 

My tour group in Chile’s Atacama Desert

 4. Stay in hostels and don’t be afraid to talk to strangers.

Most hostels have common rooms and host community building events.  I’ve met tons of people in my hostel who I’ve shared precious moments with abroad.  If sharing a room with strangers creeps you out, you can always stay in a private room- many hostels have them.  Prefer to stay in a hotel? No problem. Many hostels post events on their websites, and you don’t necessarily have to be a guest to attend. Don’t miss out on a prime opportunity to meet other travellers!

New friends made on my solo trip to Cozumel and Tulum, Mexico in early 2008

  5. Remain inconspicuous.  Don’t dress provocatively.

Yes, I know we should be able to dress any way we want. Yes, I know that no state of undress provides a valid excuse to get harassed. But let’s get real: dressing a certain way in certain places will net you attention, some of which may be negative.  I like short shorts more than anyone, but I don’t enjoy catcalls or having unsavoury people touch/follow me because three-quarters of my legs are on display. I like to remain as “below the radar”as possible when I travel, and try to blend in with the locals as much as I can.   This makes my trip much more enjoyable. I thus try to conform, at least with my clothing, to cultural norms, and dress conservatively in countries (and/or tourist sites) where it is expected.

Trying to look the part at the Royal Palace in Bangkok, Thailand

 6. Ward off negative attention: don’t engage. 

Sometimes negative attention, in particular from males, cannot be helped. My simple rule is to not engage: I ignore, I deflect, I keep it moving.  I don’t respond to taunts or negativity.  I remove myself quickly from situations where I am a target.

 7. Always have an emergency contact number at hand, and let people at home know your whereabouts.

I suffered an extreme bout of food poisoning last September while by myself in Guatemala, and couldn’t leave my hotel room for 36 hours. Stupidly, I couldn’t even contact my boyfriend (who was at home in Germany) at the time, as I didn’t have his phone number memorized and was too sick to go to the internet cafe to look up the number online.  A simple but good idea would be to take a few index cards and write down all pertinent contact information that can be used by yourself and/or others in case tragedy strikes.  Keep them on your person and distribute in case of emergency.

 8.  Partner with other female travellers, they have your best interests at heart.

Who better to understand your plight, your fears, and your concerns than another female travelling on her own? I seek out those like myself before and during my travels, both to get the skinny on what its like to go it alone as a female in certain places, as well as to potentially buddy up on day trips and the like once I’m there. A few summers ago while travelling solo around Eastern Europe, I made friends with an American on our severely delayed train from Vienna, Austria to Krakow, Poland. By the time we got off the train, we were fast friends, and we shared our travel experiences over dinner.  Our conversation about what it’s like to travel as a girl was probably one of the most enlightening I’d had all that year, and we were shocked at how much our travel styles complimented each other.

New friend made on solo trip to Poland in 2008

Other girls can give you the mundane, yet important information you need, i.e. where to find feminine hygiene products in your foreign land!

 9. Let your hair down and enjoy!

This goes without saying. Live in the moment. Embrace the experience. Act every bit the fun, fearless, female traveller you are. And learn to relish in the luxury- the beauty- of your own company.

On my last solo trip a few weeks ago to Brussels, Belgium. I love travelling by myself! Have you ever travelled alone? What’s stopping you?

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