Friday Funny: Things Scarier Than Having a Black Wife…

Friday Funny: Things Scarier Than Having a Black Wife…

C’mon. I bet you can think of a few.

Author : Christelyn Karazin

Author's Website | Articles from

A Twitter buddy of mine sent me this steaming pile of hot garbage…

Too bad. I actually thought that “bitch” skip was hilarious. But then he just had to ruin it for me at the end when he said, “There’s nothing scarier than a black wife.”

You know, I feel sorry for him. He’s obviously hasn’t gotten out much. So I think it’s our duty to tell him a few things that are, indeed, scarier than a black wife. I’ll start the list, then you keep it coming. The more snark, the better, but let’s leave race out it and show him how unnecessary it is to throw black women under the bus just for laughs.

Things “Scarier Than a Black Wife”

Eye herpes
“Honey Boo Boo”
That movie, “Anaconda”
Tammy Fae Baker (God rest her soul)
Childbirth with no drugs
Being married to D.L. Hugley
Being Lil Reese’s baby momma
Being Lil Reese’s baby
Being Lil Reese’s mom
Having Russell Simmons volunteer on a domestic violence hotline
Finding out R. Kelly teaches in your daughter’s home economics class
Finding out you only have 999 pieces to that 1,000-piece puzzle you’ve been working on for the past six months
Dog farts
Vanilla Ice making a come back
Discovering Michael Vick acquired a pet store franchise
George W. Bush as the ambassador to Pakistan
A Mitt Romney presidency
The Catholic church heading Planned Parenthood
Being one of the boys mentored by Eddie Long
Being Creflo Dollar’s daugher (the one that he body slammed)
Picturing Brad Pitt at 80 years old
Kim Kardashian’s coochie

Okay, just for laughs, let’s hear what you think is scarier than having a black wife.

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WilliamHogan 196 pts

Dating Miley Cyrus would be scarier than having a black wife.

Alana 2 387 pts

As BM in Hollywood, I didn't imagine their offscreen wives as BW. lol

SisterRainbow 208 pts

Worse than having a Black wife...

#1: Being in a public bathroom, thinking you see a small black wig hanging up in the corner, only to find out it's a huge hairy spider bungee jumping down, but the exit door is on that side of the bathroom! (Suddenly, I started itching...no really!)

#2: Being in your bed at night in total darkness and hearing something weird, then turning on the light to actually see something...that should not exist in this world...in YOUR bedroom. (Busting through the wall like a cartoon would be great right about then. That is, if you could move.) LOL

#3: Taking a big drink of milk from a refrigerated container, only to realize that the milk is spoiled...after you swallowed it. Yuck! (I hate milk anyway.)

#4: Being Kim Kardashian's next boyfriend after she finds out he isn't Black, but a frizzy haired, tanned Italian man. (Can you say, dumped?)

#5: Having to decide between spending an "affectionate" night with FOX News' Bill O'Reilly or Sean Hannity.

#6: Seeing an ugly bug crawling around, then spraying it until it no longer moves, but later realizing that the "dead" bug is not where you left it. (OMG!!!)

QueenOfThePen 300 pts

 SisterRainbow *SPITTING COFFEE EVERYWHERE* ROTFL!!!!

My latest conversation: Princess Onyx™

NATruthstudent 1508 pts

Nothing scary about having a black wife... nless hes really a white one who accidentally got trapped in the oven...

 

But if there WAS something that would be scarier, I might be inclined to say, "NOT having a black wife..."

NATruthstudent 1508 pts

Darn typos... UNLESS SHE'S... smdh...

Quell 53 pts

I used to think that skit and the show was funny but then the whole damn thing began to rub me the wrong way to the point that I can't even watch it anymore. Maybe it was finding out that he's married to a white woman but chooses to use back women as the butt of a lot of their jokes. Also I'm just over the "black people do this, while white people do that" type of comedy.

Maxine 1005 pts

 Quell Married to a white woman AND has a white mother.  The angry black woman schtick is the lazy black (or half-lack) comedian's way to get a cheap laugh.

Quell 53 pts

 Maxine I totally forgot about him having a white mother. Unfortunately most black comedians are just too lazy to come up with some new material and love throwing black women under the bus just to get a laugh.

zipporah 1728 pts

 Quell I remember DL Hughley trying to tell BW jokes on Jay Leno show, but he looked so uncomfortable he cut to the commercial a little sooner. If you notice Conan here, he doesn't look 'comfortable' to me-but not knowing what to do. I'm glad you interviewed the other WM at the other post---they could see what it really is---it's not like the old Mother-in-law jokes like the past, it's downright hostility, dressed up as humor

Quell 53 pts

 zipporah Ugh, DL Hughley is another one that I can't stand nor do I find him funny. In order to be a good comedian you must have a certain level of intelligence and these men don't have it and that is why they go the easy route which is to make fun of black women.

ASwirlGirl 3042 pts

Being forced to watch Fox News all day . . . . .

B.F.A.A.D. BlackFemaleAllianceAgainstDefamation 189 pts

Having a white wife with a pair of scissors next to your man parts!

Bren82 1316 pts

Having a mouse crawl out of you bag on a crowded train. Being in a room full of scorpions.

ASwirlGirl 3042 pts

 Bren82 Heeeey! It's November! Scorpios RULE! (lol)

The_Boss 283 pts

*Having your birth control be removed from health care coverage.

*Being trapped in a movie theater showing Twilight.

*Being a teacher in America. Smh.

EarthJeff 3336 pts

 The_Boss "*Being a teacher in America. Smh."

 

Some days.... many days...... yep. Oh, wait, all we are is glorified babysitters with the easiest job in America.  Only work for 9 months (people obviously failed math).... just sit in a room and watch movies all day (well, except for all that stuff we have to teach).... overpaid (although my daughter was making more at 13 babysitting than I do as a schoolhouse babysitter)....  kids getting in our faces cussing at us (bar of soap, anyone?)......

The_Boss 283 pts

 EarthJeff

 It's pitiful. My parents have been teachers since before I was born so I'm more aware than my classmates about the daily grind, and I mention it often (much to their dismay lol). Babysitting? Really?

Soul_Incites 360 pts

Being in a room with a pissed-off Huck and his toolbox (from Scandal). Lil Wayne's teeth. The phrase "President Romney." *Shudders at the last one*

ASwirlGirl 3042 pts

 Soul_Incites FALLING. DOWN. LAUGHING. OUT. LOUD. @ "Lil Wayne's teeth." 

jldrumm1 303 pts

Being at a Rihanna concert, live no playback or autotune. Breaking up with Taylor Swift. A family dinner with the Lohans. Being stuck on a road trip with Steve Harvey. Being on an international flight and noticing a mother boarding the plane with a crying toddler and a screeching baby, and the only seats available are the ones in your row.

thecrazyartist 2241 pts

I have one!

 

Machine Gun Kelly as your son in law

AJ2011 2310 pts

 thecrazyartist

 I killed over.

AJ2011 2310 pts

-Rick Ross with no shirt

-Living in a Black neighborhood in the Midwest (used be to great now you die)

-at the mall went a new pair of Jordans are released with no warning

-A rap/hip hop concert

-Russell Simmons before his personal hygene routine

-hearing a DL Hugley comedy routine (just painful)

-Being Jonathan Rhys Meyers' black drinking buddy

 

thecrazyartist 2241 pts

 AJ2011

 "Rick Ross with no shirt"

 

I have to cosign on that, a law should be passed so rick ross will NEVER go shirtless again

Brenda55 19598 pts moderator

 thecrazyartist  AJ2011 

 

OK I since I had no idea what you ladies were talking about I googled Rick Ross shirtless and peeped the image.

 

Sorry. I. Did.

tracyreneejones 3591 pts

@Brenda55 @thecrazyartist @AJ2011 I'm sorry you did too

ASwirlGirl 3042 pts

 Brenda55  thecrazyartist  AJ2011 WHYYYYY???? Just . . . . WHY??????? (in my Nancy Kerrigan voice)

MySmile 4175 pts

 AJ2011 "at the mall went a new pair of Jordans are released with no warning"

 

LMFAO!! NOOOOOOOOOO

EarthJeff 3336 pts

Having a crusty, old, gimpy kneed, white male high school teacher for a husband....

Brenda55 19598 pts moderator

 EarthJeff Having a crusty, old, gimpy kneed, white male high school teacher for a husband....but will be the beastmaster.   There fixed that for ya.

zabeth 817 pts

There are somethings on this list I take exception, lol, but great list nonetheless.

dani-BBW 1785 pts

According to Kola Boof, enduring a literal stench when in the presence of DL Hugley.

Brenda55 19598 pts moderator

Losing my five senses and the ability to process the information they provide. 

Law Wanxi 5805 pts

Having to eat with a knife, fork and spoon for the rest of my life. Take me now, Jesus!

DWB 7551 pts

4 more years of Obama

 

PRESIDENT Joe Biden

 

Things Scarier Than Having a Black Wife…? ... NOT having a certain black woman as my wife ... now THAT"S a scarey thought!

heyimPearlilikefries 2091 pts

"Too bad. I actually thought that “bitch” skip was hilarious. But then he just had to ruin it for me at the end when he said, “There’s nothing scarier than a black wife.”"

 

Was that the last part of the interview? I seen it and it seems like it was cut off at the end.

 

chocolate_fashionista 190 pts

Nicki Minaj as Kody Brown's 5th sister wife!

heyimPearlilikefries 2091 pts

Finding a homeless man sleeping in your closet. 

uninterracial 950 pts

The word he used was dangerous, not scary.  I watched the interview and re-watched it and he made the comment in jest. I didn’t take offense to it because let’s be clear, stereotypes exist because there is usually some truth to it. You all may not fit the stereotype, but I’m sure we know people who do. I mean, we can’t take everything that is said about us so seriously and it is clear that he has a fair amount of melanin in his skin so at least one parents might be black. Excuse my laissez-faire attitude, but really, this is not that serious.

B.F.A.A.D. BlackFemaleAllianceAgainstDefamation 189 pts

 uninterracial well is kinda actually is. White women can kill their kids, hide the body get off with it and still be angels but black women are so damn scary?? what the Fu*k? It's meant to be funny but it's a subconscience programming for the general population to not forget how the independent black woman is the onlt the mammy, saphire or mule! If you're smart you will understand the deeper meaning behind it. Out of all of the jokes and words he could of used he chose to dehumanize the black wife. And the worst part is that he too is part black! If black wives are so damn bad then where are the public complaints from the white men who marry then, since most black men just hit & quit. So laugh at the beginning and take great offense at the end. Just because he is brown doesnt make his words ok. he simply knows its not ok to hurt the white woman in public but it is more than fine to dehumanize the black woman, hell it's expected!

uninterracial 950 pts

 B.F.A.A.D. BlackFemaleAllianceAgainstDefamation I guess everyone needs to have a cause, but for me, I just can't with all of this. In my line of work, I see more people in pain because they are human, no matter what color they happen to be. I'm sure the least of their worries would be some walking penis talking smack about whatever or whoever. I'm sure they would much rather deal with that than what they have to deal with. Look, life is short, why waste precious energy on this? People make blonde jokes, and hell, black comedians make fun of white people all the time, and quite frankly I think they're tired of it. Everyone is a target when it comes to comedy.

Morenika 840 pts

Hilarious..  LMAO...  Scary is breathing in the air of the women's restroom after lunch time....

Toni_M 18884 pts moderator

waking up with your face inexplicably glued to Rush Limbaugh's butt. 

tracyreneejones 3591 pts

Mom, I don't want to play with @Toni_M anymore. She's being mean!!! Lol