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If You Live in a Mixed Dating Wasteland, You Might Want to Consider Packing It In.

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How many of you in the BB&W Crew have packed up your trunks and moved across town, across the state, out of state or even out of the country for a job? Some company offers you the right salary, benefits and retirement package, and ya’ll are willing to say “sayonara” to friends and Mommy and Daddy for the right price and opportunity. But when it comes to your love live–your PERSONAL happiness–you know, all the time outside of work that you spend LIVING, all of a sudden, moving to greener swirling pastures is suddenly unreasonable, and even viewed by some of you as desperation. I mean, the mere SUGGESTION can cause all kind-sa snorts and scoffs from some of ya’ll.

The Pew Research Study, “The Rise of Intermarriage,” which was released earlier this month, revealed what I already knew–most of the mixed dating and marriage done in the United States is taking place in the West, specifically in these states:

Hawaii (Aloha, baby)

Oklahoma (what??)

Nevada (Vegas, baby!)

New Mexico (Hola, chica)

Alaska (really?)

California (yup!)

Arizona (Shout out to Eliss and Joseph!)

Washington (the state, that is)

and Oregon.

Basically, all the states west of the Mississippi River seem to be much more open and enlightened about dating and interracial marriage. What…is there something in the water?

Coincidentally, the majority of these ‘swirl states’ are also thriving in educational and professional opportunities. I can’t really speak for Oklahoma or New Mexico…that’s just weird. I wouldn’t really recommend black women move there for swirling. Just keep heading west on the 10 Freeway until you get to…someplace else.

Seriously guys–I’m super tired of hearing how some of you all are languishing in regions less evolved about your pursuits to date a rainbeau, and you simply CAN NOT wait for your regional world to change. Your ovaries simply will not stand for it.

It’s a good thing that I cover the best swirl-friendly cities in “Swirling.”

Benefits of a ‘Swirl-Friendly’ Environment

Not only is the pool in which to fish from more vast, but you encounter much less societal pressure, whether overt or covert. There’s also much more opportunity to find friends and peers who look like you and your family, thus giving your offspring plenty of opportunities to have friends and families that look like them. When you go to the store with you babies, nobody will assume you’re the nanny, or that you’ve kidnapped some white woman’s child. Normalized interracial relationships also means less work discrimination and blocked opportunities for advancement because someone has their underpants in a bunch, too.

NOTE: You might notice, as I’m sure many of you will, because you all are a bunch of smarty pants, that the Pew study says that black intermarriage has the highest concentration in the south. And that’s probably true. FOR BLACK MEN. By as large, the western states are the best-dern states for black women who are interested in interracial relationships.

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  • josie3144

    all the places I want to visit are in the west…Seattle, WA…..Arizona….wow…moving for love…would be beautiful ….oh well…who knows what the future holds

    • purplemoonflower123

      @josie3144 I live in the Seattle, WA area and there are a lot of BW/WM; BW/AM and other combos that you can think of. It is kind of cool to see other couples like you when you are out and about, doing your thing. I grew up in the south and mostly just saw BM/WW IR relationships/marriages growing up.

  • Bren82

    IR dating and marriage is also huge in NYC.

    Random question: Why is it that many people consider IR to simply be black and white? I know that there are others who are aware that IR is not just b/w but I still find it annoying.

    • Lili2009

      @Bren82 My friend from India is married to a white American man and he thinkgs the term “Interracial marriage” doesn’t apply to him and his wife. In the U.S. IR=black and white (just like in Chicago where “bilingual” means “speaks Spanish” and not French, German, etc.

      • Blackberry

        @Lili2009 @Bren82 I agree with you guys. One of my dear friends is first generation Mexican American, she is incredibly fair skinned most people think she’s white. Her fiancé is sort generic white American. When I asked her about how she was going to deal with their future child’s interracial status and how well she told the culture of the two families would mix she was flummoxed.

        After our conversation she thanked me….it had never occurred to her that she was in an interracial relationship. This was a good thing because it meant race wasn’t a factor in their relationship…but thinking their relationship in interracial terms helped her to consider some of the issues they were having in joining their families.

  • NYCLisa

    Well, I agree with your conclusion – mostly.

    Standing in the way of your conclusion that “it’s all happening on the West Coast” is the fact that there are two very large pockets of IR dating/marriage for black women on the East Coast – NYC and the area around DC. And these are two of the largest metro regions in the US.

    Also, I don’t want to tread familiar ground here, but it’s important to carve out interracial dating/mating for black women from the interracial marriage statistics. High rates of interracial marriage overall does not automatically correspond with high rates of interracial marriage for black women. It could be whites and Asian, whites and Latinos, black men with non-black partners, etc. in a region, and that is what’s pumping up the interracial marriage numbers. In fact, I’ll go even further and state that there are many parts of the US that have high rates of BM-WW marriages that are actually fairly hostile to BW-WM marriages, and it’s because of the black men and their mammy boosters there. So, even though that area shows a high rate of interracial marriages, it’s not a place you would want to be in terms of your “dating out” activity as a black women. One, because it probably just isn’t happening there, and two, if it did happen, it would be a huge hassle.

    I don’t have a lot of experience with the West Coast, but, yes, I’ve heard it’s Nirvana there for black women interested in dating out (and not just dating white men, either). But so is NYC. It’s just if you’re going to date an Asian guy, he better be one tough individual, because black guys will step to him here in the city, whereas they won’t bother a white guy with a black woman.

    Anyway, yes, I agree the West Coast (not Alaska, not Oklahoma, LOL) is a high-percentage bet for black women that want to swirl. But the two spots on the East Coast are HUGE, and you can’t give those areas short shrift.

    • NYCLisa

      And to address Christelyn’s point, I would definitely consider moving in order to accomplish one of my life’s primary goals if where I was living was standing in the way of that goal.

      I’d move, well, in a New York minute.

      I mean, c’mon, think about it. If you want to be a serious actress, you can’t stay in Lincoln, Nebraska. You have to move to Los Angeles or NYC. Conversely, if you want to be a forest ranger, living in the Bronx is not going to get you to your goal. And if you want to serve on an aircraft carrier in the Navy, then you don’t join the Army.

      It makes me think of that scene in “A League Of Their Own”, where the girl who lives in some little town in Colorado doesn’t want to leave him in order to go play baseball, and her father tells her, “There is nothing happening here. You have to go where things are happening.”

    • Luna Noire

      @NYCLisa Yeah, Christelyn, how could do us here on the East Coast like that, LOL. We do pretty well here around the DC area, you know the parts of MD and VA that border DC.

      • Christelyn

        Aw…sorry guys! I was only going by what the data showed! I think DC and NYC are IRR hubs, but I wonder why the Pew Study didn’t reflect that… @Luna Noire @NYCLisa

        • Luna Noire

          @Christelyn @NYCLisa Well, I think it’s because this area and New York is really good for black women dating non-black men, and just average like everywhere else in terms of other types of interracial dating. It’s like, when I go to San Francisco and L.A., I see every permutation of interracial coupling there is, it’s amazing. But around here I don’t see more WM-AW couples or more BM-WW or more HM-WW couples than anywhere else. Just more BW-WM couples than most places. Lots of them, but no BW-AM couples or BW-HM couples (which I see in CA), just lots and lots of BW-WM couples.

          I don’t think this area is any better for IR dating in general, just better for black women that want to date out. And since we’re a very small percentage of the population, it doesn’t show up in the data.

        • Luna Noire

          @Christelyn @NYCLisa And really, do we care about other types of interracial couples? No, we don’t, it’s all about us, LOL.

  • Blackberry

    I think it’s just about priorities. I am career focused and as a lawyer moving to another state means another bar exam so packing up my life just to find someone is slightly ridiculous for me…especially since I’m not relationship focused…I’m still willing to wait to find “the one”. But I’ll add to caveats

    1) when thinking about where I take the bar and settle down I did really consider not only the job market nut the political and social values of the state (crime, education, civil protections, racial tension and sex discrimination)

    2) I think it’s different when a person is in a committed relationship. I am willing to move if my partner/husband/fiancé got a job some where else if the move is in the best interest of the couple.

  • candielady357

    We’re just BETTER here in the West! *bracing for the slap across the mouth*

    Yeah, I said it!

    • ForestElfQueen

      @candielady357 Best Coast! hahaha just kidding! 😛

  • zipporah

    it’s better to move where there are lots of IR marriages because of your kids. They can relate, and also, kids can be near others going thru the same things-being of two or three worlds—BTW I think the B/W interracial relationships stand out because of the english language in general; the other groups can be bilingual, and that has another set of issues–like speaking their language in front of you, etc. although you can be bilingual too if you learn the language

  • Teresa H

    I’m not sure why you’re writing off Oklahoma. That’s my home state. My mother and both my sisters and several cousins have dated interracially there. One of my cousins married a white man there. Nothing weird about that.

    • Olivia

      @Teresa H I think she was speaking in general terms. There probably aren’t too many places where there isn’t someone doing an IR involving black women and white men, but there is no doubt that some states/regions are better for it than others.

      I guarantee that if we said Dubuque, IA and Laurel, MS were not good places for a black woman to swirl, someone would chirp up immediately and say that she and her white/Asian/Hispanic husband live in Dubuque, IA, and therefore that statement must not be true. Of course, it is still true generally, it’s just not true for her, that’s all.

    • Christelyn

      I’m not writing it off, I’m just…surprised. Just like I was surprised about Alaska. @Teresa H

      • Joojubee

        @Christelyn I just found out that the male to female ratio in Alasaka is something crazy like 4 men to 1 woman! So i’m not surprised that there is swirling going on! The odds are simply in your favor!

    • Teresa H

      @Olivia The study specifically mentioned Oklahoma as one of the top places for swirling. So I’m not chirping up to say something is not true. I’m giving antedoctal evidence that supports a conclusion drawn from the research.

      @Christelyn Poor choice of words. I didn’t mean to be accusatory. Just wanted to highlight that indeed it is true there is plenty swirling going on in OK. Though in my experience it’s more BM/WW or LW more than anything else. Which I think is probably typical in most locations. My sister’s best friend has a large family in which not one of men under 40 date black women.

  • Olivia

    There’s a difference between moving for a job and moving for the possibility of a job. Most people will move for something definite, and most people won’t move just on the possibility that something might happen. The same thought process applies to moving for love; if I was working in Los Angeles for six months on assignment, and I met someone, and we fell in love – would I move to Los Angeles? You bet I would.

    If I wanted to date a white guy or a Latino in Little Rock, Arkansas, and it just wasn’t happening, and I had a good job there, and my family and friends were there, would I move to Los Angeles just because things MIGHT be better in terms of dating those kinds of guys?

    Hmmm…

    • Bunny77

      I kinda did what you mentioned in your first scenario. I was living in one state and my future husband was in another. When the relationship was clearly headed toward marriage, we had a talk and I said I would move to his state. Granted, we were “only” four hours apart by car and living in adjacent states, so this wasn’t a huge move, but nonetheless, I moved for an established relationship.As to your second part, while I would be a lot more careful with my decision, if I was a woman who wanted to be married and have children and it wasn’t happening in Little Rock, Arkansas, then yes, I absolutely would move. The older I get, the more I realize that jobs are really not all that important in the scheme of things and for a lot of college educated black women, they become a set of golden handcuffs sometimes.
      Hear me out… I’m not saying jobs are unimportant. After all, we have to support ourselves! BUT… if you are a college-educated single black woman with no kids, you’re in a good position to have a skill set in which you can work anywhere and in multiple fields. I’ve seen too many black women hold onto that “good job” and then get unceremoniously laid off… and unlike their white coworkers, they didn’t have a husband to help soften the blow. So then what? They ended up having to move or find a different type of job anyway! And they had regrets for putting so much into building that career that they didn’t focus on their personal relationships… and now, they had none of the above.

      I met my husband when I was 31, but I had already told myself that if I was still unmarried (and not in a relationship) by 35, I was going to make some big changes, and moving would be included in that.
      @Olivia

      • reem11

        @Bunny77 @Olivia “The older I get,the more I realize that jobs are really not all that important..” Good point.

        • Bunny77

          Yep reem11!

          More on my story… before I got married, I had what many would probably think was a very glamorous job. And I did enjoy it… it was my dream since college. BUT, the pay was just so-so (fine for a single woman with no kids, but I did a lot of work for that pay) and the schedule was stressful. I didn’t always eat well and I rarely had time for personal relationships because I was always working weird hours. (Try 8 p.m. – 2 a.m. sometimes! And lots of weekends!)

          So even before I met DH, I had come to the conclusion that my days were numbered in this position. Now, I have a job that pays only 5% less than the first one, but it’s a 9-5 with maybe one weekend every three months. The excess stress is gone. I contribute to the family income, but I’m not solely responsible for it. I get plenty of time at home with my husband and will have time to raise children.

          Some of my friends in my old career are now nationally famous and I’m forgotten, but I’m MUCH happier overall and I don’t miss a thing… in fact, a lot of the friends say they envy me for getting out and they want to do the same! So my overall point (which I think you got) is that while working to make a living is important, being too wedded to one job or one particular career could ultimately result in personal sabotage… and you might find out in the long run how unimportant that “good job” was that you thought you had way back when compared to your life now.

        • Luna Noire

          @Bunny77 I was in the same situation. As the saying goes, “You should work so you can live, not just live so you can work”.

        • PhillyGirl

          @reem11 @Bunny77 @Olivia
          Yes, excellent point!

    • Bunny77

      I meant to add… I do understand not wanting to leave family and friends. But I also have seen what happens to too many single women who rely a lot on family and friends… older family dies, younger family (nieces and nephews) grow up and move on and start their own families and friends — even the best ones — ultimately make decisions based on what’s best for their own lives and don’t necessarily stick around just because you’re there. I have a few older relatives who never married who had a bevy of family and friends around 20-30 years ago, but now count just “church family” as their family. And church family is fine… just saying that the people they depended on for companionship in the past either died, grew up or just moved on.I would obviously research where I wanted to be before just making a move, but if one can find greener relationship pastures elsewhere, I think it’s a good move. @Olivia

  • Patricia Kayden

    This was on Evia’s website. Really good to watch.

    • ForestElfQueen

      @Patricia Kayden speaking of Evia’s site..did you see the twins?!… i almost *died* from the cuteness!!! ^.^

      http://blog.shelleypaulson.com/?p=6069

      omg, they need to be in a Wrigley’s Doublemint Gum commercial…now!

      • reem11

        @ForestElfQueen @Patricia Kayden Yes I shaw the twin BW married to twin WM. These couples are so gorgeous. Their children are going to look very much alike.

      • glamdoll

        @ForestElfQueen
        The twins marrying the twins was adorable.

    • reem11

      @Patricia Kayden It was good to see these couples.

    • ForestElfQueen

      @Patricia Kayden i have mixed feelings about the vid. There’s some of that rainbeaux-as-Plan B tone, IMO, which I don’t resonate with but for the fence sitters or curious-but-scurred maybe it’s a good message. The education of Joachim(sp?) was odd for me too because I’ve rarely had to explain anything to my French husband(in fact he’s even taught me a few things about some AA history, politics, & music/arts.) …Everyone is different, if a woman meets a foreign guy, he’s not going to necessarily be clueless.

      • PaigeinPhilly

        @ForestElfQueen My Norwegian hubby was clueless…since he has been living in the states and have done research on his own and have had many conversations with others…he’s more enlightened now…as we were watching the HBO documentary on the Lovings, he was flabbergasted on how it was against the law to love..he said he wudda been in jail…

  • CarlaRose

    I currently live in Portland and I see much less B/W IR couples than I did in say, the Bay Area for obvious reasons. Moving out of state for a “maybe” relationship? I don’t know. There are other factors that would convince me to move to an area other than the possibility of a relationship: job prospects, couture, diversity, politics, climate, aesthetics, etc.

    • PaigeinPhilly

      @CarlaRose Really? for some reason I thought of Portlandia being a place where a sistah could date a whole foods kinda guy?..hehhe

  • Jules1

    If you are the adventurous type who likes to have new experiences then packing up and jetting off for love is not a bad idea. It kinda reminds me of the mail order brides from the 19th century who would move out to the wild west to be with a lonely cowboy. I would move for love, but not solely for love, I would also have to like the place I am going to, there would have to definitely be the possibility of increased prosperity for me as well.

  • Tis true.. Yesterday I went to this awesome place called Sainte Genevieve with some friends and I had on this cute bright blue paisley scarf tied on my head alla Audrey Hepburn circa 1957 and man I was getting hit on right and left by white guys in the Oil and Gas Game. Where from you ask? Colorado and Ohio. And one of them was the owner of the company. I was like headwraps are sexy?

    But those boys were not shy in the least.. So i say good on the west.. 🙂

  • EarthJeff

    I am with your wonder at Oklahoma and Alaska. Really? Wow. I never cease to be amazed at things.

  • The following is a starting point for those who are interested…Alaska wouldn’t be a single woman’s worst choice for relocation, but do not fail to overlook some additional choices:http://nationalatlas.gov/articles/people/a_gender.html

  • The following is a starting point for those who are interested…Alaska wouldn’t be a single woman’s worst choice for relocation, but do not fail to overlook some additional options:http://nationalatlas.gov/articles/people/a_gender.html

  • R. Kamaria

    I need to move somewhere before my 33rd Bday. I live in Michigan and not very inspired by the job market or the man market. I live in a suburb of Detroit and the chaos in the city is really having a huge impact. I love where I live but I work at a university in the heart of Detroit. To be honest, I don’t like the black or white people in the area. It has nothing to do with race but the overall quality of HUMAN has gone down signficantly. I am at such a crossroads in my life. I am tired of feeling like I have to defend black folks but at the same time, I’m tired of having to prove that I’m not like every black person in Detroit. It’s a tough place to be in. Reading all of these racist comments in a story about a black baby that was killed in a drive by has me mad at everyone. Forty-three people have been killed so far in Detroit. SMH. Time for me to move!!!

    http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20120225/METRO01/202250346?fb_comment_id=fbc_10150698662044365_22805988_10150699191804365#comments

    • dani-BBW

      @R. Kamaria Can you start taking short day/wknd trips to cities not too far away – Minneapolis, Chicago, Milwaukee, etc?

      • R. Kamaria

        That is a great idea and I decided to delay my cruise until 2013. Back in January, I said it’s time to explore. I’m planning road trips once a month from March through June. None of those places you listed are attractive to me. I live in Michigan and will not move anywhere colder than here. lol.

    • kiki100

      Damn 43 people! WOW. Time to get out. Check this out. You are a one hour flight from Toronto, but a what a different world that is. BW are dating every race there…lol But seriously you are where I was five years ago. Have you looked into another city in the state? What do you think of Ann arbor or Dearborn? What about IL or WI. Are you willing to go CA and make a real drastic move?

      • R. Kamaria

        44 now Kiki. Yes, it is time to go. I love Toronto and Montreal. Detroit is trying to get better but the people are making it hard. I just posted an update and I’m telling you, it’s time for me to go. Go start a new life for myself.

    • Moon Child

      @R. Kamaria I live right up the street from Detroit. I have NEVER liked that city, they have their own way of thinking that is not in alignment with all that is good and right in the world! lol.. lot’s of negative energy there. I commend you on moving! Good luck! You need positivity in your life! 🙂

  • sherri73

    Well…. (big grin on the chunky chocolate face) I leave in 2 weeks to go to Washington State to see my beau IRL. I am sooo excited and nervous but really filled with peace. As the relationship continues to grow and all goes well, I will be making the move.

    BTW, I’m pretty sure the reason Oklahoma in on the swirl radar is because of BM/WW. I think in less than a generation it can be a swirl haven. I however will not wait that long. Going west!!!!

    • Luna Noire

      @sherri73 Good for you, girl! I love seeing people break out of their boxes.

  • Karla00

    They aren’t many BW WM relationships around here which can be discouraging. I’m single and unattached so moving could be in my near future.

    • kiki100

      Karla, Guess what I have thought about…Europe. I too, am unattached. I have an attractive friend who left for Switzerland 3 years ago and never came back. She told us she would only be there a year. LOL I have been think about doing what Oneika The Traveller has done and take a year off to teach in Brazil or somewhere else. It’s a thought for those of us that interested in travelling abroad.

  • Alana 2

    It’s 2012. Does anyone have special moving strategies? I’ve been trying to leave St. Louis since 2010! As a single woman (= no other means of support), I’d rather move with a job in hand if not moving for a fiance/husband. The unemployment rate is still pretty high!

    • Luna Noire

      @Alana 2 Well, first of all, do you have a short list of places you want to relocate to? Of course, maybe it’s a short list of one city. Regardless, is there any person in one of those places you could bunk with temporarily while you’re looking for a job? Family, friends, etc.?

      Because I agree, it’s a tough economic/job environment out there, and unless you have a lot of savings to live on, it is really taking a gamble to move, and then just hope you’ll get another job. That’s very daunting.

      My cousin wants to do the same thing, and she just discovered that she is eligible for a sabbatical leave where she works. She can take off from work (unpaid, of course), and come back to her job after a year. It’s guaranteed she will have either her current job back, or one at the same level doing something similar. She’s thinking about applying for a sabbatical, telling them the reason is for travel, and then she’s going to move in with me and try to find a job here around DC. If she can’t do that before her savings run out, then she’ll just move back and resume her life/job there. Do you have an option like that, perhaps? Or maybe two months of vacation time stored up from previous years?

      Compounding the problem in this economy is that almost no companies will pay relocation any more, because they don’t have to because there are so many good local candidates. So it’s really hard to get someone that’s hiring in another state to even look at your resume if you’re from somewhere else. So that means you have to be there on the ground, with a local address, before you can apply for positions elsewhere.

      Any of this spark an idea on your end, or generate a plan?

    • Luna Noire

      @Alana 2 Well, first of all, do you have a short list of places you want to relocate to? Of course, maybe it’s a short list of one city. Regardless, is there any person in one of those places you could bunk with temporarily while you’re looking for a job? Family, friends, etc.?

      Because I agree, it’s a tough economic/job environment out there, and unless you have a lot of savings to live on, it is really taking a gamble to move, and then just hope you’ll get another job. That’s very daunting.

      My cousin wants to do the same thing, and she just discovered that she is eligible for a sabbatical leave where she works. She can take off from work (unpaid, of course), and come back to her job after a year. It’s guaranteed she will have either her current job back, or one at the same level doing something similar. She’s thinking about applying for a sabbatical, telling them the reason is for travel, and then she’s going to move in with me and try to find a job here around DC. If she can’t do that before her savings run out, then she’ll just move back and resume her life/job there. Do you have an option like that, perhaps? Or maybe two months of vacation time stored up from previous years?

      Compounding the problem in this economy is that almost no companies will pay relocation any more, because they don’t have to because there are so many good local candidates. So it’s really hard to get someone that’s hiring in another state to even look at your resume if you’re from somewhere else. So that means you have to be there on the ground, with a local address, before you can apply for positions elsewhere.

      Any of this spark an idea on your end, or generate a plan?

  • Moon Child

    Well written and well done! I agree! Out west I where I am headed. But as it goes if everything goes right I may have found my “swirl” right here in Michigan, before I move to SF. LoL… *fingers crossed*

    • R. Kamaria

      @Moon Child Is that right? Awesome. Email me!! lol. I need some inspiration.

      • Moon Child

        @R. Kamaria LOL .. what inspiration do you need girl! I got you! 🙂

        drop me an email @sacredwaters9@gmail.com so I don’t forget! Thanks

  • Joojubee

    I am highly considering doing travel nursing next year so that I can experience living in different areas! How ironic that majority of the cities I selected are out West! Good to know that it is so open minded and progressive out there!

    • Moon Child

      @Joojubee One of the many reasons I am moving out that way! Very positive outlook, it must be the weather?! I can’t wait to make that shift. It has so much to offer black women, not to mention, for some odd reason (not really odd but being a smart behind) black folk tend to migrate toward the south?! *shaking my head* no! They are still caught up in the slave mentality, which is why I think it’s saturated with more black men with white women! Just a thought. It’s time to make new ground. They already have “celebrities” out west making it happen in interracial relationships, let’s add to the quota!

  • Mel_woman

    There’s a difference in moving for a job position and the possibility of finding love. …a job pays for you to live there; Moving hoping to find love isn’t going to pay the bills. It only makes sense to me to move for love if there is a job offer or you are moving in to be with your future hubby.

    Moving to an “IR” hub just for the sake of dating also may not work. I live in the DC/DMV area, and just came back from NY for the weekend (for the 3rd time), and I have yet to experience tons of interest from wm or see tons of bwir couples in both of these cities which are supposed to be IR hubs. lol So just be careful if you think moving is going to solve all of your love problems.

  • Moon Child

    Although you are right Mel about up and moving just for the sake of moving may not be worth it, however, it is lucrative for some people depending on their outlook in life. For some a move for such reasons is a positive thing, it creates a new space for bringing in positivity.

    I find it interesting that you said you were in the New York area, the blog listed all viable and “swirl” friendly places are on the WEST COAST, not the EAST. So, maybe that is why you did not find any bw/wm couples in this area?

    I am from the East coast and NY seems to be the only place (I forget which areas sorry) are ripe for interracial relationships and dating. But that is not much more to it for bw.

    • Mel_woman

      @Moon Child Hey Moon child, I was referring to one of the posts below that stated that DC and NY are swirl friendly places of the east coast. I also heard people say this before, but I’ve never seen this in real life. lol

      I will be job searching in a few months. I wonder if I will stay in DC area or move elsewhere in the next year. I want to try the west coast. I’ve never been to the west coast, But I’m interested in seeing if I will experience the swirl friendliness everyone else does when I visit since I don’t get when I’m on the east coast IR places.

      • Moon Child

        @Mel_woman Ooops ok girl. Sorry. 🙂 Good luck on your job search! I am going to be doing the same thing eventually. West coast it is! LOL@swirl friendliness… yeah. It’s going to have to be swirl friendly cause I am all for it! WE can change that outlook by being our swirl friendly selves. I always say. “lead by example.” when you make that move, please don’t forget to let us know how it went or how it’s going. Support is where it’s at!

        • Blackberry

          @Moon Child @Mel_woman Joke! If you girls start moving out west it’s going to be hard to get my swirl on. Too much competition, I’m gonna have to get my act together. (just a joke)

        • Moon Child

          @Blackberry @Moon @Mel_woman Girl healthy competition is alright with me. It will keep things spicy! Bring it. There is enough for everyone! LMAO

  • kiki100

    L Oklahoma??? More than likely that is the case with the due to is high population of people who are of Mexican descent. I was sure that NY would have made the top ten. Guess not.

  • FutureDoctorJ

    I’ve been lurking on this site for a while and I just had to comment.

    As a 25 year old black female medical student who has been down with the swirl her entire life, I can say with utmost confidence that Arizona (from my personal experience, Phoenix and Tucson) is not down with the swirl, at least for BW/WM relationships. I think Arizona has a high rate of “intermarriage” due to the high percentage of Mexican-American and white American relationships. I can count on my hands, feet, and strands of hair on my head the number of my fellow young, beautiful, educated, pro-swirl girlfriends who are still single and looking. So yeah, I wouldn’t waste any time here.

    And now back to studying…

    • AJ2011

      @FutureDoctorJ You’re actually right about AZ.

  • R. Kamaria

    For me, moving would just be ideal for survival. I wanted to have hope for Detroit. It’s not the worst place on earth and has pockets of hope, but that hope is diminished when you have 44 murders and it’s only the second month of the year. When I wrote Saturday, it was 43. We just learned this morning that 14 year old shot his 36 year old mother to death. 10-12 shots fired into her body. Additionally, a 6 year old is in critical condition after suffering gunshot wounds in a drive by over the weekend. Babies are dying at the hands of evil men. I have to get the eff out of this region. I used to live in the city but feared my life. I live in a suburb and still feel the sorrow, depression and utter sadness. I get angry because as a black person, I get lumped into the category. Some white folks look at me like these henious thugs are in my family or that I’m some how a part of this. I’m trying to get away from it just like them. Good black people are paying for the sins of terrorists, killers and thugs. It’s ridiculous.
    So me moving is a matter of spiritual life or death and y’all, I’m serious about it this year. Like never before. I want to live.

    • Christelyn

      @R. Kamaria Wow…it’s horrendous what poverty and hopelessness can wrought…

    • Christelyn

      @R. Kamaria Rasheda, move to California. We’d love to have you.

      • EarthJeff

        @Christelyn No, dont move to Cali. We would miss you in Detroit… It IS bad here, though, and I understand where you are coming from.

    • EarthJeff

      @R. Kamaria I hear you, because I have hope for Detroit too. Admittedly, it is one of the worst places I have ever been to in terms of the crazy stuff. Every urban area has its issues, but it is just unbelievable here. The murders, the SENSELESS killings, just suck the life out of your soul, doesnt it? Because I am on that front line daily trying to change things, I can not just give up yet. If I were young and had the ability to get out of the region, I probably would as well. I would like to tell you “no, you dont get lumped into that category”, but I am probably not in line with many white folk in the area. All the discrimination .. white toward black, black toward white, and every other possible combination…. wears you down. Your spiritual life and your soul HAVE to come first, and I wish you the best where ever you find yourself.

  • brenda0anderson

    I really LOVE the website,  I was hoping for an article just like this because: My suggestion is to galvanize those who are married or in serious relationships with men who are of other races in geographic areas. So for instance, there are areas where certain types of interracial couples feel comfortable and I think an article and/or movement needs to start that promotes areas in this country where Black women can live, work and raise their children comfortably while being inter racially married or in an interracial union. I think the readers would really rally around this idea and would share locales that make us feel comfortable, so we can buy our homes there, worship there and live unabashedly with our loves there. I know that we are Black women are strong enough to live anywhere with the men of our choice, but it would be so nice if for once we galvanized around areas, cities and communities where we could just relax seeing other couples like us and truly enjoying every day of life. Black women want peace and have always tried to pursue it, but so many have been beaten, raped and murdered by black men that it makes them hard. We need to talk about sanctuaries were we can shine like the lovely women we are in our various shades and hues of brown. Often imitated, but never duplicate. What do you all think? Do you know of cities or locales where Black Women/White Male couples live in large numbers?
     
    Brenda
     
    P.S. I’ve got to get your book, because basically you covered my question/suggestion above by recommending the book. Thanks!

  • Lady Arabella Victoria

    Is there any word on Idaho? I’m moving to Northern Idaho, which is next to Eastern Washington later this summer. I’ll have to post a report on the swirling climate there after I’m settled. I’m open to the change and I’ll definitely be exotic, which is wonderful. I plan to do a lot of golfing and cycling to immerse myself in the community.