Is Anyone Else Tired Of All The IR Lectures Directed At Black Women?

 ann4950 LOOOOOOOOOOL. That is probably one of the saddest attempts at deterring  a BW from swirling that I've ever seen. 

@Toni_M I know. "P" comes across as a "cool w/chick".

@ann4950 What! That was not cool on some many levels and slightly homophobic. So sorry you have to work with this person.

@Blackberry She works in another department. However, I keep our conversations on a light hearted side, now that I know how she really feels about bw.

 MZ Elf Wonderful post and so true. There is gold in telling black women stuff is wrong with them and then selling them the solutions.  Kind pf like sitting up in Church on Sunday.

 gagagirl  If the AA friends were nerdy/artsy/outliers of some kind, I was totally fine but any kinda of 'white chocolate' /honorary kneegro types were OOTQ anyway.

 Elfe  gagagirl "Honorary Negro"? LOL 

 gagagirl 

Gaga, thank you so much for bringing this up. I feel it is a very important subject that I think some  in the BWE/IR community unfortunately miss the mark on. Many of them think that nobody pays Black men any attention when they spew their anti-Black female lies. That sadly is FAR from the truth, and I think I partially know the answer why that is, or at least is a big part of why it happens, and here it is:. Has anyone noticed how mainstream Black men have become? Mainstream/White advertising is full of them, they have basically taken over as the action heros in films, they are often portrayed as boy next door types in sitcoms, and in dramas they are very well-represented as intelligent, upstanding professionals. Then, you have pro sports. The 2 most popular sports in the country, the NFL, & the NBA have majority of Black male athletes, finally you have hip-hop/rap, which has taken over from Rock as the dominant popular music & overall popular culture influence in America All of that has affected how White people deal with/see them, and thus how they deal with/see Black wom en. And I am afraid that because of all that media acceptance and familiarity, they will be inclined to belive whatever Black men say about Black women unfortunately, no matter how stupid, inacurate,, and flat-out ridiculous it may be. No, thse cool, smart guys from all those movies, tv shows, commercials wouldn't lie! Niether would those smiing sports phenoms that thrill us on the court/field every night! Also, i have personal insight into this because I have a non-Black apperance, and have caught some White men making similar comments to what you describe about Black women, and then when I checked then, they had a sort of incredulous "You're Black? But Black guys arent supposed to like/defend Black women, what's wrong with you!?" Now, it has NOT been a lot of White men I have encountered with this attitude, but enough for me to be disturbed about. My point in saying all of this is that that is why I take such a hard line against anti-female bigotry. Because if it goes unchallenged, NOTHING good ever comes from that, hence what you have noticed about those White male idiots with Black male friends.

 AnInterestedObserver  To add to your asssessment.... Not only have I wondered what was up with the bm getting the boy next door image and bw so easily trashed and thrown into a category of the community/town circus act. Everyone is starting to gather around the "campfire" singing to throw the bw in and let her burn. I believe that the reason so many black men spend ridiculous amounts of time in the media, youtube, FB and the blogs attempting to destroy the image of American BW, is to make sure everyone, including other bw, see her as the mother of destruction in the whole of the land of Blackistan. Shame and damn all the loose, ghetto, big earrings, cow chewing, gum popping baby breading(from immaculate conceptcion of course) black women straight to Hedes! Many BM don't attempt to disspell the lies told on bw,  or challenge the exaggerations and the attention grabbing statistics put out weekly. BW placed over the campfire helps them to stay under the radar, clean up their previous images.

 MZ Elf  AnInterestedObserver Good points however I beg to differ in one area.  Outside of sports and entertainment I do not think that Black men are all that highly thought of. 

 NoDramaCiCi  Eh?

Because all black women are able to mix within "the black community"? Some of us have had black men put it to us not to tactfully that there was something wrong with us for talking, thinking, and behaving in ways that weren't "black" enough. For having standards that are "too high".

While this is certainly true of black-male identified black women, it's a problem when you assume what a black woman needs to find a loving partner: A man that gets her hair, for example.

Too many African American women get caught up in superficial ish that has nothing to do with finding a desirable partner. They are unhelpfully advised in this regard by people who simply have no interest in these women expanding their dating options It's why they are so far behind the ball when compared to other women, whether those women date interracially or intra-racially.

NOTHING in that article told me anything of interest regarding whether or not I wanted to date a man who is white or just happens to be white.

Given the source and their "history" on the subject, it reads like an okey-doke. 

 Toni_M  NoDramaCiCi "Too many African American women get caught up in superficial ish that has nothing to do with finding a desirable partner. They are unhelpfully advised in this regard by people who simply have no interest in these women expanding their dating options It's why they are so far behind the ball when compared to other women, whether those women date interracially or intra-racially."

exactly. The guys I met didn't care about the mysteries of my hair or if i had euro gfs or not. that's total foolishness.

"Given the source and their "history" on the subject, it reads like an okey-doke. "

yep, okey-doke supreme.

 Elfe  NoDramaCiCi If you're that dang concerned about it, get some some plastic wrap, a football helmet and some shoulder pads. 

Show up in the bedroom butt naked (aside from donning these items) and I sincerely doubt he'll ask questions regarding your "hair protection methods".

It's really not as deep as some people would like for it to be. If a man loves you, REALLY loves you and wants to be with you, the texture of your hair is hardly the stumbling block some people expect it to be.

Toni_MElfeNoDramaCiCi

That's like that old joke where the woman had a long laundry list of things that constituted the perfect date. 

The guy had just two requests.  Show up naked and bring beer. 

 Toni_M Especially when you wear a bonnet to bed, LOL!

 CarlaRose  Toni_M  Brenda55  NoDramaCiCi 

it's so bizarre... maybe i've been married too long. ....if you feel more calendar girlish sans scarf then tie it on after he's passed out maybe? I've always worked on or covered/wrapped up my hair whenever i felt like it. no shame. maybe i'm weird.

....as far as a basic terror of having afro-textured or super-curly hair in an IR then really I don't know what to say. Again, i feel like some are trying to transfer the good-hairism & kinky-shame from the AfAmCom over to IRs where most men don't give a fig, IME.

I think i've seen like one youtube vid where a young girl said her boyfriend didn't like her natural hair. I don't know if it's still up or what...

ok ~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liQlidg0h2I

her follow-up

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpR9XjSf8i4

If someone knows of other clips or blogs where the rainbeau guy gives the girl any grief , plz let me know.

The following vids are more representative of my exp(my dh being an exception at actually having a strong preference for my kinks over straightened dos..other guys were fine with both ways

...maybe i should do a "My husband Judges my Flat-Ironed Hair" vid ...lolz j/k):

http://youtu.be/Rsd2oz4gf2U

http://youtu.be/L-UpXCUqubQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaHvcMRcI00

 Brenda55 

"Show up naked and bring beer. "

I don't drink, so it's diet Ginger Ale. If she she shows up with a 12-pack of Diet Vernors, she can keep her clothes on. I'm getting what I want, LOL.

 Law Wanxi  Brenda55  LOL..wish i could find a decent really spicy diet Ginger Beer. The ones with the great flavor and burn are also total sugar-bombs. :S

 Elfe  Law Wanxi Switch to ginger beer.

 Elfe  I saw that video a few months ago and was saddened/upset by it. I'm glad her boyfriend came around. I wonder if they're still together. A lot of wm like natural hair so I know it's not much of an issue.. but if I find out they don't or they make rude comments it's pretty much a deal breaker.

 Elfe I gave up on my beloved Ginger Ale for the same reason. I hate the flat Seagrams so Vernors is the only way to go but I hate diet sodas and regular sodas can be pure sugar syrup bombs. I love cream sodas but the old flavors were so much better. There is a place that carries the last of the original Dr Pepper in tiny bottles but once they are gone...its finito! Dr P(Coke) no longer makes the O.G. formula for it. I savor the bottles I have had. They used to make it with pure cane sugar and natural ingredients; The flavor is amazing!

 Toni_M Bm have always wanted to control/tame or ridicule my hair. Wm seem fascinated and seem more interested in exploring it instead , lol. From BM I have heard everything from being called Mufasa to "What is that on or in your head?" from the ex who had sisters. Ridicule, joking and control vs curiosity. I'll take the explorer!

 Elfe I sleep on a satin pillow and hate the scarf because I get too hot but I am with you. I just don't see the scarf detracting from my appeal to a man that loves me. Many bw are actually stunning when their hair isn't even in view. In my very biased opinion, bw that go natural shed a film over their beauty. I jump for joy and occasionally shed a tear when I see the before and after youtubers, bloggers or featured naptural. I have seen black women and girls that looked like your "average" AA black woman or girl turn into a goddess with healthy, naptural and full tresses after wearing broken off perms for years and even decades. Their unhealthy hair seemed to hide their stunning beauty. Natural, scarves, relaxers or whatever are so much more of a personal issue within the black community. I have learned that so many outside of the black culture appreciate our hair's uniqueness and sees it as beautiful. I would rather tie it and have nice hair in the a.m. as opposed to not and having to detangle a birds nest the next day.

 MZ Elf I totally agree with you about a lot of black women being stunning even when their hair is covered. I don't consider myself to be stunning, but I do know that I get looks and compliments in winter when my hair is completely covered by a hat or a hood.

 Elfe "She should have really kept that one to herself. x.X LOL"

I agree LOL!

 The Working Home Keeper  I was an innocent back then but I knew that lady was just crazy. omg. lol

 Elfe 

Elfe.

What I am about to post is a photo so horrific that all who view it to take to their beds for a month. But in the interest of full disclosure  to the BW/WM community and those curious about the life style I can not hold it back any longer and am posting this as a public service.

It's, it's.........THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://wwwdelivery.superstock.com/WI/223/1830/PreviewComp/SuperStock_1830-26877.jpg

That's right his hands are....gulp....there.

Oh the humanity.

Your world will never be the same.

 Brenda55 

http://gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs/51678_o.gif

 Elfe Brrrrraaaaaahhhhhaaaaaahhhhaaaaaahhhhhhaaaa

 Elfe This one is equally tragic since this woman's husband left her after she made this film. 

White women are NOT supposed to do this and he just could not UNDERSTAND. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMGsLL-ZPlI&feature=related

Be forewarned. Men cannot take a shock like this to their systems. 

 Brenda55  cute!!! ^.^

in Paris,  I saw several french gals rocking scarves & headwraps and sometimes african clothing too.

Another shocker,  a lot of hair oiling goes on too for those trying to grow out longer than average lengths

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/tags.php?tag=oiling

...bonnets &such

http://goo.gl/qDDol

http://goo.gl/TfnRv

http://goo.gl/ZbTTY

http://goo.gl/LPu89

funny ~

"Sorry, I use a standard sleep bonnet and end up with tangle-free waves in the morning. Doesn't end up wrapped around my neck or over my shoulder like the longer options, and neither my husband nor cats are so frightened that they can't handle it."

...maybe people are taking hollywood films too seriously and think it's real life for all non-AA women.  One of my room mates used to burn her hair with curling irons or use rollers at night just like a lot of AA women. My MIL uses a hot air curling iron almost daily.

...very few human women are lucky enough to wake up perfect w/o some overnight prep or morning routine & if a guy has a mom or sisters they already know this. The IR hair fear really needs to die.

 Elfe  Brenda55 

Yeah, wearing headscarves, wraps, & African clothing so the message can be sent to litttle Black girls in France that they need to be replaced by something "better". Same crap, different country.

 AnInterestedObserver  Brenda55 "Yeah, wearing headscarves, wraps, & African clothing so the message can be sent to litttle Black girls in France that they need to be replaced by something "better". Same crap, different country."

I honestly don't read it that way at all(zero threat, i think it's cute FWIW) but I dunno, you could be right.

 Brenda55 

If he actually left her, she got lucky and dodged that bullet.

I 'favourited' that one to show a couple of my female cancer patients who are going through chemotherapy for non-neurological cancers not related to their underlying neuropathology [that's sick with two different things for lay-people; it happens] to help them with headcovering options. One of them would look good in that colour, plus it names the specific type of wrap and an online source. 

Every little bit helps them keep up the fight. Sorry to get all maudlin, but that's just me. 

 Law Wanxi  Brenda55 Law Wanxi you're my hero for this :-)

 Law Wanxi I was being snarky cakes. I have no idea is the woman in the vid was married or not. 

There are a lot of videos on You be re head coverings and wigs for CA. patients. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCHVW-PuXDQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaPNix3z-Aw&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNOY4cS_k7A&feature=related

 Elfe  Brenda55 

Sadly, i think I am right. That is the kind of world that has been created for our little Black girls, sigh.

 Law Wanxi Can't remember if I said this in rivets but you are very expensive but worth your weight/cost! Cheap people don't know the value of an expensive gift and aren't worthy of the benefit. I don't doubt your patients know they hit platinum!

 Brenda55  Elfe What shocked me is that she looks bored and unhappy.

On the other issue: Pubes, no pubes, no big deal, just no stubble please. So do you really want to have to "maintain" the shave every few days? Sounds like a chore, and maybe a little hazardous. If her husband was requesting this, I think his issue might have been pre-pubescent attraction, not rug burn.

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