Janice on, "Where in the World?" The Best (and worst) Places to Have an Interracial Relationship

Best Places for an Interracial Relationship

    Author : Janice Rhoshalle Littlejohn

    Author's Website | Articles from

    _________________________________________

    Blast from the Past!
    Brought back for our current audience to read & comment on.
    Originally published on June 27, 2010. _________________________________________

    The Best and Worst Places to Get Your Swirl On

    Living on the West Coast with all its liberal ideals and live-and-let-live attitudes is a great place for interracial and intercultural couples to thrive. Seattle and San Francisco are perpetually on the top of any list that tracks this sort of data – and my hometown, the wonderful City of Angels, is usually in the mix, too.  (Yeah L.A.!)

    If you’re swirling, though, it’s probably best to keep your booty out of Detroit, Atlanta, Birmingham or New Orleans which aren’t as embracing of the whole relational melting pot idea.

    But did you know Denver, CO and Minneapolis, MN are also hubs where mixed couples and their families flourish? Well, surprise surprise! They are indeed just two of the towns at the top of the most recent poll by Interrace Magazine which has been surveying its readers on the subject for over a decade.

    So for those of you who are still in the market for a mate – or couples looking to move away from prying or unwelcoming eyes – here is a highlight of three of those top ten cities that embrace blended couples. Can’t afford to move? Well maybe it’s time you took a trip. (You know you’re so due for a vacation anyway.)

    Minneapolis, MN The Twin Cities is not only one of the friendliest to interracial couples, but it’s also one of the fittest. Ranked third in each of two new national surveys—one on physical fitness and one on quality of life, the Minneapolis metropolitan area metro area boasts a high number of people who are involved in regular physical activity or exercise as well as the number of people in excellent or very good health. For those of you job hunting, Minneapolis has a low unemployment rate and loads of available parkland, recreation centers and physical education classes. And with ready access to golf courses, bike and walking paths, park facilities, and dog parks, it makes for a great place note only to live with a mate – but to find one.

    San Diego, CA The Southernmost city in the Golden State, San Diego is a city that believes in community as a vital part of one’s quality of life in the region. Continuing its move toward a Clean Generation, the city provides programs offering financial incentives for renewable energy as well as energy efficiency and water conservation improvements by its residents. Already a national leader in solar energy, “green” home improvements in the city will not only has the potential to save money for countless homeowners, but will create jobs for those who live there. It’s a win-win for those who are looking for little economic stability in a city and environmental consciousness to go along with their swirl.

    Honolulu, HI The 13th largest city in the nation in the middle of the Pacific Ocean where President Barack Obama once called home is a bastion of culture and art, be it in their museums and concert halls to the urban hubs which have been embraced by the Hollywood television and film communities. Hawaii’s economic base is primarily tourism and the city uses its cultural and artistic diversity to draw visitors into their eclectic ethnic mix that draws on Native Hawaiian traditions as well as the tremendous contributions of the Filipino, Chinese, Portuguese, Scottish, Greek, Okinawan and Samoan communities. Considered one of the world’s top 10 most livable cities, Honolulu has fashioned its culture and arts and a leading factor in building “strong cities (and) strong families for a strong America.” That, and it’s a great place to get lei’d.  Now that sounds like paradise to me.

    Now we want to hear from you!  Where are the best (and worst) places (cities, states, counties) that you’d recommend and/or dissuade other interracial couples from migrating to?

    ALERT: Karyn Folan and I must have some psychic voodoo magic, because she wrote a very good piece on this subject.  Take a look.

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      Blackberry 306 pts

      Los Angeles! Hmmm.... My brother lived out there for years, he typically dated interracially and is now married to a mexican Americans. He said he never got an flack, but his girlfriends always complained that BW would come up make nasty comments after he had walked away. "Stop stealing the good men....date your own". I was shocked, my brother was shocked. We thought its CA; but alas not all parts of CA are equal.

      Blackberry 306 pts

      I've had pretty good experiences in France, Eastern Australia and San Francisco. But I question the Hawaii thing. True there is a lot of mixing on the islands...but is it really across all socio-economic classes on the island? My understanding is No. Mixing is prevalent, but is often seen as "dating down" as it were.

      I hate that phrase, but can anyone confirm or deny?

      Patricia Kayden 272 pts

      Southern Maryland/Northern Virginia appears to have loads of BW/WM, BW/HM couples from what I see.

      AJ2011 302 pts

      I was hoping for some international destinations because the title had "World" in it. I'm telling you ladies at times I'm just like "Hell with this" when it comes to men in this country. I like being American but I know my citizenship will probably serve me better outside of the United States. I really want that Big Ole house, to start a business in a neighborhood that's blighted with potential but sometimes I look at the credentials I'm acquiring and it's going to be an uphill battle. I'm not in the mood. I'm re-reading The Sojourner's Passport and I'm really looking at busting out of this joint.

      VintageNarcissa 253 pts

      I see BW/WM(RM) couples walking around everywhere in NYC - Manhattan, and every once in a while Brooklyn. I swear, I see them more than I see BM/WW couples. I always smile when I see couples out and about and try not to stare and be too much of a creeper. But OMG, when they have kids with them, I just go over the moon! And I don't know why, but no matter the couple, their kids always seem to be two older girls and a younger boy - I don't know if I'm seeing the same family or what.

      Pearl 1375 pts

      VintageNarcissa LOL i try not to 'oogle' either but its just so freakin' refreshing, just makes me want to scream 'FREEDOM' :-D

      VintageNarcissa 253 pts

      Pearl Haha! Ain't it the truth though. I remember once I saw this couple on the Upper West Side/Central Park West, a beautiful dark skinned woman, her guy and their infant son, leaving an apartment and getting into a town car. It was a "you go girl" moment if you've ever seen one.

      Another time I overheard a the end of a couple's conversation as they walked by me in Herald Square, and the man was saying to the woman - that's why you're so special - heart: butter in my hands.

      Pearl 1375 pts

      VintageNarcissa AHHH! I love it! I LOVE it! Well in LA, I seen this white guy trying so hard to get the black girl.. she looked like a model I would be trying too LOL, she said she had a BF though.. but its proof that we are desirable.. not just to black men

      tigerjlv86 210 pts

      I don't know who or when someone decided New Orleans wasn't good for swirling, but times surely have changed. I live about two hours away from New Orleans, and hubby and I had a field day counting the number of BW/WM pairings in the city. I know we stopped counting past a certain point. We also get treated much better in New Orleans than Baton Rouge or some other places in Louisiana.

      Overall, New Orleans has always been a melting pot. Certain segments of people may not like it, but they are the minority in NOLA. Before going up north for a few years, I could always find all sorts of pairings in New Orleans. Couples there cross racial lines, religious lines, and all other sorts of lines. I have the city of New Orleans to thank for my highly mixed family background (creole, Asian, and others).

      I will say if you're going to be concerned about New Orleans, be concerned about its crime rate (murders almost exclusively young black males killing other young black males). Swirling is alive and well in NOLA.

      tigerjlv86 210 pts

      I forgot to mention...we visit NOLA on a pretty regular basis.

      ann4950 212 pts

      tigerjlv86

      NOLA still have its racial issues as far as bw dating most other races of men. However, things are slowly changing for bw who wish to date other cultures of men.. I am very happy to see other bw dating/marrying other cultures of men in NOLA.

      As you are aware of most bm here do not have a problem dating other races of women in NOLA...no problem at all.

      Brenda55 2617 pts moderator

      tigerjlv86

      Hummm. May have to plan a vay-kay there.

      I was wondering however. Maybe we see so may BWWM pairings because of where we choose to be. By that I mean when hubby and I travel we are usually in tourist areas, the down town areas and resorts.

      Those are also big date places. Maybe we see so many IR couple because we are seeing fellow tourists and people out on dates. so it makes it look like there are more IRs than there really are.

      tigerjlv86 210 pts

      Brenda55 The city does have a lot of tourists, but I've witnessed pairings there my whole life and even in the less 'touristy' areas of the city (both my parents have roots in the city). Since I've been with hubby, he's even talked to some of the couples (some local, some not). He loves being social.

      I also have family in the city who have watched the pairings increase, and a cousin who decided to start swirling as well. They also agree that if you are swirling in Louisiana, you may be better there than elsewhere in the state.

      I'm all for being someone's tour guide through NOLA if they visit...I'm making my Mardi Gras plans now.

      Pearl 1375 pts

      tigerjlv86Brenda55 I have been to Lousiana, a place called Coushatta?(is that how it spelled) Never been in the South before.. and right when we arrived my granny started talking about lychings and beatings... she's a weirdo. I would have rather went to New Orleans but it was a family reunion. One of my cousins even said she hates white people so.. I'm kind of agreeing with you even though I have never been lol

      Maxine 77 pts

      Pearl I used to see commercials for Coushatta all the time when I lived in TX. They have a big casino there and it's also close to Lake Charles. Never been but since it's a resort area, mixed couples may be tourists.

      Pearl 1375 pts

      Maxine Its nice there.. stayed at a lodge.. BUT too many ants, ants RED ones were biting me. I never been to the south.. me being a westie I was nervous.. my granny didn't make it any better.. but actually it was nice no-one called me the n-word.. We went by car so, we went through Texas.. I LOVE Texas

      Maxine 77 pts

      Pearl Oh yeah I meant to say I've never been to Santa Barbara but it's on the list. Actually the whole state of CA is on the must-see list. I love Austin but not too crazy about other parts, ha ha.

      Pearl 1375 pts

      Maxine Its nice, I love it, I haven't been to Austin, but I have been to Dallas or Houston idk lol

      SirLoinDeBeef 378 pts

      PearlMaxine Grew up in L.A. & San Diego - lived 7 years in Texas (Abilene & Galveston) - I miss both places.

      Pearl 1375 pts

      SirLoinDeBeefMaxine I have never been to San Diego, I would like to go and San Francisco. The prices are lower at the Wing Stops and Panda Expresses in Texas than California... just thought I'd let people know that little 'fun fact.' lol

      ann4950 212 pts

      LOL, Pearl, we do not walk around calling people the "N" word.

      tigerjlv86 210 pts

      ann4950 I think more of the resistance I find to this type of dating in NOLA comes from more BW who are hesitant than anything else. This was definitely the case for the family I have in the area, and it held true for a lot of their friends as well. My cousin was very apprehensive about her WM bf when we met him last year. I had to practically drag her to introduce my parents and I to him. I let her know that not only did we not care about his race, but that things are changing for the better. That same month, hubby came with me for a concert and we double dated with her and her bf...nothing sideways anywhere we went in the city.

      When I first got with hubby a little over two years ago, I would've told women DO NOT swirl in Baton Rouge...now, I would say go for it her. Things changed a lot in a short period of time.

      Some of those areas you mentioned weren't very kind to my hubby and I as far as shopping and dining. Gretna was probably the nicest of those, but we still enjoy ourselves far more in NOLA, and we're much less likely for someone to look at us sideways in NOLA.

      With the amount of traveling we've done across the state, we'd probably say Lafayette is the best place to swirl in Louisiana, but all the major cities here are changing quickly.

      If a woman has the means to move somewhere that is extremely swirl friendly, she can go ahead. If she can't and she's in Louisiana, it's a much better time for her now than it used to be.

      Pearl The n word is not allowed in our house or amongst either of our families.

      Truth be told, the only real sideways looks we get anywhere in Louisiana now normally come from BM with obese WW (no, they aren't all obese, but seemingly all the ones who look at us strangely are). I live in a very small country town, and have had surprisingly hardly any problems.

      ann4950 212 pts

      tigerjlv86

      "They also agree that if you are swirling in Louisiana,you may be better there (New Orleans) than elsewhere in the state...."

      Metairie, Kenner, Slidell, Grenta etc. seems to be a little more inviting.

      Quite a few 20ish and 30ish ww will get the apt. in a nice area and then their significant other bm will move in. I am not implying he is not paying the rent.

      After the hurricane, I started going into Harahan to shop and I was very surprised by the number of ww/bm couples. LOL, I wondered where they were living.

      I have talked to quite a few bw of various ages about dating and marrying out and yes, there is still some resistance. On the other hand, there are those who are willing to give an Hispanic guy a chance. But, I am so happy for the few who says they are not concerned about the man's race. Just be a quality man. Amen. Case closed.

      I say, "A good man is a good man".

      ann4950 212 pts

      @ tigerjlv86,

      It is good to talk with other NOLA bw who get it, finally. I work at a local university and I tell as many bw as possible to at least try dating out. Of course, there are those who do not like that idea...to bad for them.

      I first swirled while I lived Monroe. When I moved backed to NOLA I allowed myself to get off my swirl track. Because the influences to not date out was a little to strong for me. Therefore, I mostly I ended up not dating. You already know most of these guys are simply not worth the energy. However, I am happy that you found your swirl terrific.

      Pearl 1375 pts

      ann4950 LOL, Its just what my grandmother was talking about and the fact I never been there before, but I like it. You know what has anyone been to Tennessee?

      Pearl 1375 pts

      tigerjlv86 My parents say that word a lot, and my sister.. I have no idea why.. Must be just a bad habit. I don't say it.. I don't even sound right saying it.. doesn't look good either.

      tigerjlv86 210 pts

      ann4950 My swirl started out far from perfect. Mine and my husband's story is located in this blog from July 2011. When we first started, we would've considered moving were it not for aging parents. Even though it started bad, I have to give credit where it is due. People and times changed very quickly here (south Louisiana). We live a pretty happy and quiet life where I am now (although the town we're in wasn't that bad).

      Every woman's journey is different everywhere, and all my female family members in the area were more reluctant to try swirling on their own than any level of outside influence. I wish I could've documented one of my cousins (one I mentioned previously)...she definitely had more personal problems of her own than from outside influences. It didn't take her long after seeing me and my hubby for her to go out on the town with her rainbeau.

      I think areas of cities can make a difference too. The French Quarter area is not only full of tourists, but generally more open minded people. I guess the same logic could apply around Tulane and/or Loyola. My sister (left New Orleans after Katrina) worked for Tulane, Spelman, and now Emory. Her worst experience by far was Spelman, but the more important thing she realized was that a lot of women at Tulane were holding themselves back from all sorts of things.

      I think the most important thing to take away from where you choose to live is vet, vet, vet (just like your men). Even though you're less likely to find trouble in NYC than other places, there are areas in the city that could still cause you problems. DBR men are everywhere, as are people who will look at you sideways and even people who loathe what you do enough to try and harm you. Don't be fooled into any sense of false security no matter where you move. Be smart about where you go and do your best to keep yourself protected.

      SirLoinDeBeef 378 pts

      Things change, often for the better - in the early 70's I had to live/work in my then-wife's small Ohio Town - in Civil War times, it was the center of the Copperhead movement (southern sympathizers) - there was even a small & short-lived armed rebellion - as consequence, among the old men that held power in the town, there was the oft-expressed 'law' (enforced by the old-but-powerful-sheriff) that 'no n***r could ever sleep overnight in the county' - the sole black person, a sharecropper farmer, had to step across a creek that was the county-line, to get to his home - I saw and heard this with my own eye and ears.

      Contrast that to the motorcycle trip I took, a few years ago, coming back from Hell (that's another story) - I encountered several BM/WF couples - there was a black-owned tattoo place downtown - the high school had a black athletic director - all the 'old guys' had finally died off or were demented in nursing homes ... and the young folks (the ones I briefly talked to) said, "it's always been this way."

      ann4950 212 pts

      SirLoinDeBeef

      "... and the young folks (the ones I briefly talked to) said, "it's always been this way.""

      Now that is a LOL moment.

      Sophia 226 pts

      Anywhere, Canada. Of course, big cities are preferable in terms of options. I'd say Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver. You need to beat the off with a stick in Montreal. You won't get a second look in any of those places cause IRRs are so common and normal. I remember I went down to Philadelphia with my Asian male friend and the reactions we got from everyone were so blatantly curious and confused. Here, nobody bats an eyelash.

      Brenda55 2617 pts moderator

      Sophia You will get looked at in Philly we have not gotten to the "nobody bats an eye stage yet. However you don't get cat calls of that stupid pause from waiters, doormen and other service people that we used to get. People more go with the flow these days. Of course a lot depends on where you hang out.

      Hubby and I had a great experience. in Montreal ten years ago. You are right IRRs are not big deal there.

      ann4950 212 pts

      Sophia

      I hear Canada is a very liberal minded country. After all during the Vietnam war many American soliders crossed the border because they were against the war.

      LovingMyself 192 pts

      I was hoping that some cities in other countries (besides the US) would make the list. It did say around the world...

      kiki100 163 pts

      LovingMyself London, Bruge, Amsterdam, Rome, Montreal, Toronto. Let's face it, we are speaking about the N.A and Europe (the most racially diverse continents).

      Soul_Incites 113 pts

      kiki100LovingMyself I spent a little time (VERY little, a 4 hour layover lol) in Amsterdam and was FLOORED by all the mixed folks and black folks I saw there. I look forward to spending much more time there.

      kiki100 163 pts

      Soul_Incites When you next decide to go and need a travel buddy, do let me know. I joined a travel site and have been looking for a buddy.

      AJ2011 302 pts

      LovingMyself I didn't even read your post before I commented. I was hoping for the same.

      Brenda55 2617 pts moderator

      Philadelphia Pa should be on the list also. You run into IR couples of all kinds all the time. Lots of WMAW types Funny I do not see as many BMWW couples as I have in the past however. The number of BWWM couples are also increasing steadily. I would say it is exploding here.

      Pearl 1375 pts

      LOS ANGELES BABY, :-D

      I FREAKIN LOVE IT MAN,

      White men all over the place...

      Oh yeah, and some wm/bw couples..

      Even if not I could never leave here... unless I find true love and nothing can keep us apart and we have to live in a cardboard box in hell... :-D

      Maxine 77 pts

      Pearl YES! I've been in LA for a year and wish I'd moved much, much sooner. Not only is it not unusual to see bw/wm, it seems to be as common as bm/ww, which for someone raised in the south like me is Opposite Land.

      Pearl 1375 pts

      Maxine I LOVE it here I mean.. Yeah there's a hell of a lot of homeless people, but its still nice. I like Santa Monica, Venice, Marina Del-ray. You know what the funny thing is I have no idea what the street names are, lol, I'm more of 'I remeber how to get there and the billboards, but they change them every month now so I may be screwed :-D, Now that I think of it I just like California, have you been to Santa Barbara?

      ann4950 212 pts

      MaxinePearl

      I understand. I am annonyed because I moved back to NOLA. Things are changing a little to slow, IMO.

      Now, I wished I would have taken the opportunity to move to Texas. LOL, I have told the literally the world that when I graduate, "I am MOVING". Most people do not know why I want to move because we are building at least two new hospitals. I am moving because I wish to live in a more accepting and diverse environment. I do not want people giving me the "side eye" because bw are not supposed to date out. Yeah, right.

      DidiO 292 pts

      Hey is this only based on the US?

      We International readers would like to know as well:)

      I'll chime in and (try to) speak from European perspective, actually only the UK. Actually only some areas in the UK-London and its environs.

      I will say its both strange and a mixed bag too.

      Why?

      You will find that G.Britain ranks high in the IRR game but guess what? Majority of these couples are BM/WW.

      BM are running like their tails are on fire from BW..no need going into to why's and what's; suffice to say self-hate and societal acceptance (read 'white aceptance') may play a role.

      In the diverse areas of UK especially London I do see many, many BW/WM partnerships eveywhere I go there is bound to be at least 1 (or more) couples.

      BW are dating and mating out like nobody's business here:)

      Generally no one looks twice or 'appears' to care.

      Except me though:) -true story I was in a supermarket one day and spied the cutest and i mean cutest BW/WM couple doing their shopping. He was tall and goegeous, she was tall and beautiful. Ok, I stared.

      Brenda55 2617 pts moderator

      DidiO Hey there. Good to see you back. Have a question for you. Are you familiar with Birmingham? I heard that it was a really diverse city? What is the IR scene like there?

      DidiO 292 pts

      Brenda55

      Hey! I have had some time off work lately so less lurking, more chiming in.

      A friend of mine used to live in Birmingham and I visited her a few times. Its a huge, bustling, diverse city, lots of Asians (as in Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi) and blacks - Africa, Caribbean etc. It's also a university town which is usually a good predictor of IRR's. I didn't get a chance to explore much but going by how mixed and vibrant the population is, IRR's probably occur. Like all towns they do have the dodgier neighbourhoods awash with poor whites (usually the most racist group) but stick to the main city areas and all should be fine.

      Are you visiting UK soon?

      eugeniamitchell 3270 pts moderator

      DidiO At the time this blog was done it was only for U.S. cities.

      Karla 1679 pts

      I'm not really sure how Honolulu got on this list. I lived there for 3.5 years and couldn't wait to get out. I was single then and my dating opportunities were military only. I endured some racist behavior from Hawaiians and Asians wouldn't give me the time of day. I was willing to cut it slack since I was living there in the 80s but I visited my GF (military, single and swirls) last year and she complains that she's suffering a rainbeau famine. She can't wait to leave. Maybe there's a Shangri-la part of Oahu where IRRs happen but we sure never found it. The worst place ever, IMO, is Meridian, Mississippi. The racism is palpable. I was on an inspection trip there and was out with one of my WM colleagues. The hostility was so bad, we actually left the restaurant in the middle of our meal. During our focus groups, the sailors were baffled as to why the Navy, with all their rules and regs about equal opportunity would have a base there. I was warned by other officers not to be seen with a White person, particularly male because the situation could get volatile. For the best, I've got to go with any place on the West coast. Growing up, when I wasn't overseas, my parents preferred assignments in Tacoma, WA (Ft. Lewis) and California. I did my first year of college at Pacific Lutheran University in Tacoma; I was one of three Black students there but I sure never lacked for male companionship. Even back in the 60s and 70s, I saw IR couples all the time.

      asiancode9 65 pts

      Karla I'm sorry you had such a bad experience in HI but i have not. I lived there for 3 years but this was from 2008 until 2011. I have not experienced any of the things that you are talking about. The Hawaiian people have always been so nice to me and i've seen plenty of IR couples. Unfortunately for me, i didn't get a chance to date b/c i was doing the college thing. I've only experienced a few ignorant things from certain Asians but that was few and far in between. My rainbeau and i were planning on settling there b/c i feel more comfortable there than anywhere else.

      Karla 1679 pts

      asiancode9 I'm happy to hear it. Perhaps you can tell me where you were living so I can pass it on to my GF. As I said, I visited her last year and she wasn't too happy. Maybe it's just a military thing. I don't know.

      asiancode9 65 pts

      Karla Sure, I lived in the Manoa area. Where the university is. The surrounding areas are Punahou, Makiki, Ala Moana, and Waikiki. I didn't live any where near a military base. That could be the difference.

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