Sometimes Jesus Wants You To Get Some Therapy, Says Happily Married Couple Keyshia Cole and Daniel Gibson

Oct 30th, in *uncategorized*, Relationships, by Jamila Akil

Sometimes we need more than prayer to get us through.

Author : Jamila Akil

Author's Website | Articles from Jamila Akil

Grammy-nominated R&B singer Keyshia Cole and her husband Daniel “Boobie” Gibson, a basketball player for NBA team the Cleveland Cavaliers, recently admitted that even as newlyweds it takes a lot of hard work to make a marriage successful.

Married since May of 2011, the couple had already had a son, who was slightly older than a year when the ceremony took place.

In an interview with Essence.com Daniel spoke about how marital counseling helped he and Keyshia weather the storms in their still nascent marriage: “At first, I didn’t believe in it. I’m a strong Christian, so I believed that, like, you go to God and you fix it and you pray about it, but sometimes you do need a different opinion.”

The belief that “Jesus is all you need to get your through” is, unfortunately, a common one in the black community. While a healthy spiritual life does help reduce stress and provide a believer with a social support system in the form of other believers, there are times when professional help may be absolutely necessary in order to come to grips with deep-seated issues.

Keyshia, for her part, admits to anger issues. “Once I get upset, there’s kind of no turning back,” the singer explained. “He knows that that’s not fair, and I know that’s not fair. Sometimes I really get caught up in my emotions and I’m really good at it. So, like our psychiatrist says, I have to try to do ‘the unnatural thing.’ So, I’m trying.”

And it’s good think that Keyshia acknowledges her anger problem and is working to solve it. We’ve all seen what can happen when a black woman lets her emotions run away from her.

A man and a woman who are committed to each other–committed enough to attend therapy–is something that viewers and fans enjoy seeing. Cole and Gibson’s reality show, ‘Keyshia & Daniel: Family First’ is the #1 new reality series debut telecast on cable in 2012 among total viewers and adults.

[Source: SandraRose]
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tracyreneejones 4098 pts

The comment section is starting to resemble 'their' comment section. Passive aggressive much.....?

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Nikki J 345 pts

I love Keyshia Cole. I'm so glad her and her husband are able to admit they need help. I hope it encourages other Black couples to follow suit. I think if it becomes less of a stigma more people will be open to it. But community centers, religious organizations can do their part to encourage it as well.

eugeniaberg 7245 pts moderator

Some things only Jesus and therapy can help. Thank God for therapy. And going to therapy early on in a marriage is not a bad sign in fact it's a good sign that you know you need help with some issues. Marriage is different from dating, there's lots of new and different expectations. You have new rules, unwritten rules and a lot of times many ppl have issues with communicating their needs and establishing healthy boundaries in their marriage and with their respective families. It's not just easy breezy lemon peasy to be married, it's some work but with the work comes the great rewards of being married. This couple is doing it the right way.

Patricia Kayden 1710 pts

Never knew anything about Keyshia until I saw her on her reality show (the one with her crazy mom and sister). Glad to know that she's happily married and a mother now. Good looking couple.

iHeartLove 805 pts

I think it's good that they are getting counseling. There's no rule that says you have to be in marital bliss from day one. Each marriage is different and I think it's great that they are putting in the work to make their marriage last.

I also think it's good that they decided to get married in the first place and make their family union official under law. That is good especially since they have a son.

They should quit reality TV though. Nothing good can come out of that...

I hope things work out for them. I've always like Keyshia Cole. She has a very soulful voice.

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Statuesque 2075 pts

Good for them! Celebrity marriages are tough, and they've compounded the problem by making their relationship a public spectacle with the tv show.

I am an optimist about the ability of any two people to work it out if they are committed and can learn healthy ways to deal with conflict and change. People with much less self awareness and many less tattoos can't make their marriages work, or even make it to the altar at all.

mzsunshine 2619 pts

I wish the best for them. I personally feel that pre-marriage counseling should be a requisite for all who are considering marriage.

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KingsDaughter 4990 pts

mzsunshine Agreed. Folks are hauling around SO much baggage + they sometimes also have unrealistic expectations of what a marriage is. You'd be surprised that people don't talk about basic stuff like work, finances, debt and so many other things before they get married.

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I said it in an earlier post, that one of the ministers at my former church encouraged the parishioners to get counseling. He stated as black people we really put ourselves at a disadvantage in not seeking professional help outside the home. This was our former youth pastor who observed how 'angry' black children are and suspects it has to do with the break down of the black family (missing father).

LionMama 293 pts

I give their marriage 3 years max.

LionMama why?

Toni_M 20127 pts moderator

KingsDaughterLionMama

I'm not going to guess the "why" because I suspect it's something ugly, but would like to be wrong.

I will say the truth is, nobody knows what's going to happen in their relationship. Part of me thinks if you need counseling this early in a marriage in might not look good. But if these persons are smart enough to get help for their issues, it DOES put them in a better than other married couples who may have issues but ignore them because of a common black mistrust of counseling.

Personally, I wish them all the best and if they part ways, I hope it's mutual and amiable.

Toni_M KingsDaughter LionMama Their relationship might work, one never knows with these celebrities. Anyway I say good for them that they're seeking some help. Hopefully they work out whatever issues they have. Personally I'm very much for counselling (pastoral), especially BEFORE getting married.

Toni_M KingsDaughter Something ugly? Well if they did not want to be talked about then maybe they shouldn't put their business out there for all to see.

LionMama KingsDaughter "Something ugly? Well if they did not want to be talked about then maybe they shouldn't put their business out there for all to see."

If their "business" encourages more mentally unstable black persons to seek therapy or couples having issues to seek proper counseling, I don't see anything wrong with that. In fact your attitude is why so many black people avoid counseling in the first place: Fear someone is going to judge them and say something ugly.

I agree that public figures are more likely to have a lot of negative things thrown at them. And you're entitled to be cynical about the relationships of celebrities.

Still, I kind of cringed that in a post about the positive benefits of therapy and when black people are bold enough to admit they're getting additional help, the first thing you do is throw shade. :S

Maybe they'll stay married and the therapy will help or maybe the therapy will help them realize their issues are such that they are not good for each other. This is potentially a good thing, even if they part, because at least it helps open the door to more persons seeking aide for their issues rather than going alone or turning to black religious stereotypes.

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Toni_M KingsDaughter I did not judge them for going to therapy. I only said it's not good to be fighting that much early in a marriage. Especially since that is the time when happy couples have the most fun.

And I was just making observation about celeb relationships in general and how shallow and fake they are.

LionMama KingsDaughter Understood. Though the clarification came after my comment. And tbh, it's reasonable and not as bad as I thought so I apologize for MY assumptions.

I do see your point, and it reminds me of Heidi Klum and Seal. Remember how they were ALWAYS going on about how great their marriage was and getting their vows renewed every few years?

I think if there are issues and you're willing to acknowledge and do something about it that's a good sign. I guess that's me being optimistic. Although now that I think of it, I don't know too many celebrities that openly acknowledge they have issues.

Usually it's, "WE ARE SO IN LOVE AND OUR LOVE IS STRONG AND THIS IS TOTALLY NOT A PHOTO-OP" and then BOOM! divorced.

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Jamila 7704 pts moderator

LionMama Toni_M KingsDaughter "I only said it's not good to be fighting that much early in a marriage."

How would you know this? Are you a counselor? Do you have any data to back this statement up?

It seems to me that it would be expected that immediately after marrying couples would experience an increased level of conflict, particularly if they did not live together before marriage. Getting married is one of the biggest transitions that any person will ever make in their life--why do so many people have this misguided notion that this period of a relationship is supposed to have minimal conflict? Perhaps the reason why so many marriages break-up within the first few years is because those couples didn't have as much conflict as they should have; arguments that would have strengthened the marriage were suppressed, disagreements that should have been worked through were instead avoided. There is a such thing as a healthy level of conflict.

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Jamila Toni_M KingsDaughter Are you a counselor? A licensed psychologist?

A healthy level of conflict is not what this is.

LionMamaJamilaToni_MKingsDaughter

"A healthy level of conflict is not what this is."

And you know this because...?

Joyce345 1751 pts

Jamila LionMama Toni_M KingsDaughter

"...It seems to me that it would be expected that immediately after marrying couples would experience an increased level of conflict, particularly if they did not live together before marriage..."

As a non expert, I agree.

I think that when people get married and move in together, they will suddenly realize the very real and irritating faults and weaknesses they each have resulting in a lot of 'drama.' Couples who navigate the drama skillfully will make it in the long run.

Getting marriage counseling is an excellent idea for any young couple. In fact, I personally feel that couples should get some form of marriage counseling on the regular. Kind of like servicing a car.

Good marriages don't just happen.

KingsDaughter Why? simple as, both are celebs and apparantly they are fighting at a time that's suppose to be the honey moon phase of a marriage. What will happen when they go past that?

Most of the celebs and basketball players don't seems to be marriage material anyhoo.

But hey, if thinks work themselves out for them, good for them. Doubt it though looking at past couples in their situation

LionMama Tamia and Grant Hill are still married. That's ermmm one example lol Oh well, I guess I'm more positive about such things.

KingsDaughter Well, you can't disagree that most of these celebs have 3-4 year marriages pick up one or two kids and then move on to the next marriage.

I'm predicting it for Rihanna.

LionMama lol oh dear. Sure most of their unions don't last but there are always exceptions.

LionMama KingsDaughter " Why? simple as, both are celebs..."

I've never seen any data that says celebrities marriages are more likely to break up than anyone else's marriage. We look at celebs and talk about their relationships so much because they are on TV. It's called confirmation bias; if you think celebrities are more prone to dysfunctional relationships than other people then you tend to selectively remember information that confirms that bias.

"...and apparantly they are fighting at a time that's suppose to be the honey moon phase of a marriage."

Again, point me to some information by a couples therapist that says happily married newlywed couples do not have fights during their first 6 months (or whatever) of marriage.

zipporah 1922 pts

LionMama this may sound a little 'judgmental' by people like Mark Gungor (pastor who counsels married couples) that premaritlal sex 'could' make their marriage a little harder; but not impossible--(i hate tattoos especially on younger people they CHANGE SHAPE with age; they are permanent, unless someone improves on their laser removal when older)

I remember seeing her on Tyra's show, talking about her Italian father who disappeared from her life. She seems very sweet and isn't one of those people constantly plastered in the tabloids. Wish the best for her and her family. That being said.... enough of these "reality" shows!!! Oy!

KingsDaughter We ALL KNOW that reality shows are only SEMI-REALITY---I didnt watch Jersey Shores--I would be depressed if I did--its' RUINED for now==Keep Jersey in your prayers, no telling when they have power HEAT and FOOD----its getting cold

CocoaFly 313 pts

I work for a mental health org and this issue comes up often. If a parishioner had cancer, would their pastor tell them just to pray on it and not get medical care? Probably not. If Sister Jenkins had diabetes, would the Bishop tell her not to go to the doctor, but just pray about it. I doubt it. The mind and body are all connected. And our minds need to be cared for just like the body. And just as when something isn't acting right in the body, you get help. And the same should go for the mind. Like ariahead said, "God created therapists for a reason." I'm glad Keyshia Cole's husband came to that realization. By the way, spirituality is very effective in people recovering from mental health challenges. And a person can really benefit from mental health care along with prayer, meditation, etc. Of course this applies to people who believe in a higher power.

Brenda55 21018 pts moderator

I know that ink is all the rage these days but can you imagine what these two are going to look like at age seventy?

Brenda55 This is my main holdback from getting tattoos (that and a fear of pain). Everything starts off in place, but then as you get older and the wrinkles and sagging starts, the art starts looking a bit "fun house mirror". :S

ms. d 198 pts

Brenda55 who cares? When was the last time you saw a 70 year old running around in a tube top? Really, what is anyone going to look like at 70?

ms. d Brenda55 70 year old in a tube top...maybe Tina Turner. But I think she's past 70 so that doesn't count!

ms. d You mad?

Brenda55 No, I'm asking a question.

ms. d Brenda55 "Really, what is anyone going to look like at 70? "

Assuming I am lucky enough to live that long, I probably will not be covered in tattoos that started in one place on my body but ended up way somewhere else.

But I guess in today's crazy world, people are happy just to live that long.

ms. d Brenda55 Agreed. Who cares? All the people I know who are that old, some even younger, don't give a lick about other people's opinions.

cns 732 pts

iHeartLove ms. d Brenda55

I think that some people like me find them unflattery even on young people with tight, hot, sexy bodies. They are not just everyones cup of tea. No shade.

iHeartLove ms. d Brenda55 Young people NEVER CARED about peoples opinions UNTIL THEY HIT A SNAG LATER IN LIFE----sometimes the old folks used to say "i told you so", so i listened to many old folks--LOL (old being born between 1900-1940) LOL

cns iHeartLove ms. d Brenda55 x2. I just hate tattoos, period.

@ms. d @Brenda55 I've seen tats on older women, I live in a place where tats are big, huge art and very expensive. They look fine, seen a woman around 60s body full of tats, looked great. Now a body full of tats is not my thing, although I do have a tat and plan on getting another one. Ms. D you're right who cares. If you don't like tats don't get one. Why this conversation is being had is beyond me especially with all these new rules about decorum. I'm not talking to you Ms. D.

Brenda55 the 'INK' is WORSE on WOMENS SKIN (its different) I had a cousin who got a tattoo in the 1920s with an ANCHOR on her thigh she would be over 100 if she lived--you are also limited on what you could wear I know what i'm talking about----hunh--although many are pierced and tatted up. How come it seems like its the BLACKS who are the WORST in this regard==Taylor Swift didnt get one, I think.