Kathy Henry: “I Wonder What It’d Be Like to Be a White Woman, Just for a Day.”

Kathy Henry: “I Wonder What It’d Be Like to Be a White Woman, Just for a Day.”

I have to admit, I wonder what it would be like to be a white female just for a day to see what it would be like to be considered Aphrodite rising from the sea, because at times it is hard being a black women in a society that is sexist and has placed women who look like me on the fringe of every ladder in American society, from economics to beauty and beyond.

    Author : Kathy Henry

    Author's Website | Articles from

    Kathy Henry,  The Black Feminista

    First of all, I would like to state that I love being a black woman.  I love the beautiful brownness of my skin, my hair which is a crown that has anointed me Queen of my universe, my full lips, slanted eyes, and the strength of my ancestors who have dealt with much adversity during their journeys here to America and whose blood flow proudly in my veins.  But I have to admit, I wonder what it would be like to be a white female just for a day to see what it would be like to be considered Aphrodite rising from the sea, because at times it is hard being a black women in a society that is sexist and has placed women who look like me on the fringe of every ladder in American society, from economics to beauty and beyond.

    White Privilege is a critical race theory I came across in college during an African American history class.  I had to read an article entitled, White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack by Peggy McIntosh and it opened my mind to some concepts I had never thought about before.  According to the article, white privilege can be defined as unearned advantages enjoyed by white people  beyond those commonly experienced by people of color in the same social, political, and economic spaces (nation, community, workplace, income, etc.), because they are white.

    White privilege is a topic some whites do not want to talk about because in admitting they are privileged due to skin color would mean admitting that racism still exists and is not a figment of black folks’ imaginations. But I digress.  It must be nice living in a world where almost every image of your kind is thought to be good and pure and I would like some of that privilege just for one day.

    Just for once it would be nice to go to a job interview and not have to worry about the texture of my hair and wonder if the person I am interviewing with has a problem with afros, two-strand twists, or any other “black ethnic” hairstyles I might be wearing that day.  If I were a white woman, I could toss my silky, long hair around with no problems.

    Just for once, it would be nice not to be labeled an angry, bitter, black female who is filled with hatred just because I happen to have an opinion different from the common consensus.  If I was a white woman, I could be uncompromisingly argumentative and be told that I am merely feisty.  Black men would swim through a river of snot for me and tell me that black women are just too combative to be considered “wifey” material and that is why 40% of African American females remain unmarried.  As a white woman, I would be able to date freely and not be told by my peers to lower my expectations of finding a man on my level or else die a lonely and miserable spinster with five kids with five different fathers.

    Just for once, it would be nice to see someone who looks like me on a regular basis on the covers of high fashion magazines and playing the role of the leading lady in movies and television shows. As a black woman, I am constantly scolded by the media and some of my people for being too dark, too nappy, and too fat and that women who look like me will never be placed on that anointed pedestal as the standard of beauty and loveliness for American society.  If I were a white woman, this problem would be null and void because I would be considered the crème de la crème.

    But alas, I am a black woman and that is nothing to shirk at.  The strength and tenacity of black women who can make something literally out of nothing is something to be admired rather than scorned, and I am proud to be one.  I actually feel sorry for white women sitting upon that fabled pedestal because it is a lonely tour of duty filled with unrealistic and shallow expectations and most fall swiftly and hard from that same pedestal.  Better to be me with all my flaws, real and imagined, than to be a paragon of impossible beauty and virtue. But I can keep it real; sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a white woman. In my world, black women are called everything but a child of God, and for once it would be nice to be the anointed one.

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      Etine 7 pts

      Hey guys! Even though the comments seem to be going down the 'I LOVE BEING A BLACK WOMAN' road and the author did point that out at the beginning of her post. I would like to say that nothing feels as good as seeing women like yourself on the covers of magazines and 10ft billboards.

      When I went to Accra, Ghana last year and watching TV, reading magazines, and even walking the streets was literally indescribable. I literally have no words for how relaxing it was. Of course I felt fat and dark sometimes, but it wasn't compounded by a debilitating double conciousness that literally has you questioning your experience. Especially when songs like this play on TV: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTqSHhqFOyo

      Note on video: the women love African men (specifically Ghanaian- we're a bit nationalistic) is because of the way he TREATS her in the video. Which is well-naturally. And yes, we do have light Ghanaians, colonialism lasted over 400 years and people have been mixing for a looong time; it's not that new.

      ShunJack 168 pts

      Hey ladies! I wanted to also say that I think black women can celebrate the unique beauty of black women without saying anything negative about white women. in my opinion, this compare and contrast makes us appear jealous and obsessed with white women. Also, I am a strong believer in not tearing down others just to build yourself up. We need to focus on the positives.

      ShunJack 168 pts

      I have to say, that I'm not sure I'm feeling this one....I've never, not once, in my life wanted to be a white woman. I've always thought black women were so beautiful. As I grew and matured, I did start noticing the privilege...but I also think black women have a lot of privilege that we, ourselves, have chosen not to tap into. To me, this is what BWE is all about....showing black women that they have the right to choose. Yes, we do fight against some serious obstacles...but I feel that we have also been slaves to our own mentalities and now we are breaking free from those shackles through knowledge, information, and available resources.

      Karla 1679 pts

      My yoga instructor read this to us on Friday. It's from a newsletter sent out by The Insight Meditation Center of Washington:

      Compassion fills

      Enlightened hearts

      Turn not your face away

      When the power of love

      Overcomes the love of power

      Then the world shall know peace

      First and last, though, is this

      Fall in love with yourself

      Whatever your flaws

      Whatever your faults

      No person is more deserving

      Of your love and forgiveness

      atl 5 pts

      I've never wanted to be a white women, be blonde for a day and get loads of attention from builder/ cab drivers, white van drivers or construction workers - no thanks. I've never understood the blonde and blue eyed = beauty at all.

      When I was growing up, I wanted to have faster growing hair, and my skin to be more vibant

      ellimac08 9 pts

      I remember last year for black history month, Oprah did a show that recap on all her previous shows about racial and discrimination issues, and one of of the clips that she showed that peaked my interest was a episode that was back in the 90's and (at the time i was about three years old) about a white all around american boy, who volunteer for a experiment to take some serious meds that would darken his skin without the use of tanking and live like a young black man in somewhere up north like Boston for a month, but he only lasted for less than a week and called it quits once he was treated differently by the local police watching, no serves when he walks in diners or cafes, stares, and mistreatment's that he had hard time sleeping, he became more depress, and self-conscious, so after withdrawing from the experiment he was interviewed by Oprah about what he experience and he admitted that it was the worst experiences he had went through and never relies how much he takes for granted just for being white and I pretty sure once he goes back to his life and would probably look at a black person the same again and might also have more respect for them too.

      AvaRay 161 pts

      This last post was for KEMiri just in addition to our discussion.

      AvaRay 161 pts

      This came from the website of the author who wrote this piece. This is from Kathy Henry's blog:

      Brainwashed Negro: A Black individual who has internalized every negative stereotype about Blacks and their culture and is seething with self-hatred and low self-esteem. Usually believes that the only path to success and true happiness is to marry or assimilate into White culture, hoping to escape the sins of being born Black.

      ForestElfQueen 1921 pts

      AvaRay

      "This came from the website of the author who wrote this piece. This is from Kathy Henry's blog:

      Brainwashed Negro: A Black individual who has internalized every negative stereotype about Blacks and their culture and is seething with self-hatred and low self-esteem. Usually believes that the only path to success and true happiness is to marry or assimilate into White culture, hoping to escape the sins of being born Black."

      http://youtu.be/DoJVJpTruzg

      AvaRay 161 pts

      Remember ladies. All of what is posted on these blogs is on a world stage. All of this white women envy does not go unnoticed. I am black and it is just astounding to me... Dont think that for one minute that women of other races dont admire how we age. They just probably try not to acknowledge it. We have the most beautiful skin on earth. We look 10-15 years younger than we actually are for a long time. I was talking to some black and latin men who date white women and guess what they told me? They told me that white women look old in the morning and that all of that face lifting stuff is crazy to them. Then they looked at me and said sisters dont have to worry about that.

      AvaRay 161 pts

      Dont think that for one minute that women of other races dont admire how we age. They just probably try not to acknowledge it.

      They just try not to acknowledge it publicly.

      edenifill 69 pts

      Hi! I'm a long-time lurker from Canada. A few points:

      1. I get it. I grew up in a predominantly white area in Alberta and have white friends, however it was my parents who instilled pride in my culture (my parents are from the West Indies) and passed it down to me effectively. I know more about my heritage than my cousins who grew up around more blacks. When I talk to them about how our family bought the plantation that they worked on after slavery was abolished, they were astonished.

      2. "If I was a white woman, I could be uncompromisingly argumentative and be told that I am merely feisty."

      Nope, you'd still be labelled a "bitch"...maybe even the ugly c-word. I've seen this happen many times to white women.

      3. "As a white woman, I would be able to date freely and not be told by my peers to lower my expectations".

      Sorry, this is actually not true. Many white women feel the pressure to find a man and marry him, even if he's not up to snuff. I have been in those conversations where white women tell each other that the time is ticking, find a man, have babies, etc.

      4. "I am constantly scolded by the media and some of my people for being too dark, too nappy, and too fat"

      As a white woman you would be told that you are too fat, too thin, hips too wide, butt too big, breast too small, too pale, homely-looking, not sexy enough, hair not long enough, thighs too large (didn't Miley Cyrus get flack because a picture of her in her bikini revealed that her thighs rubbed together?), etc.

      5. "If I were a white woman, this problem would be null and void because I would be considered the crème de la crème."

      Maybe by non-white men, but many white men that I have known are not particularly into blonds. I think we take what the magazines, Hollywood PR shows, etc have to say too much to heart. It's amazing to me how much black women are represented in the States (not nearly enough, though) compared to somewhere like France, where you hardly see black women in ads and commercials, yet there are much more bw-wm unions. It leads one to believe that it's not all about the media.

      6. "Black men would swim through a river of snot for me"

      Well...what can one say about that? I have yet to be in a western country and not find that.

      I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is to be lived--we only have one and if statistics, past transgressions of whites and the media portrayal of black women is all that we can reach out to in order to define ourselves, then we're in big trouble. At the end of the day, each black woman portrays an image of black women, through her actions, attitude and encounters, that is more powerful than the media. Sorry so long. Happy New Year!

      AJ2011 302 pts

      edenifill Very interesting perspective. Not having a desire to even imagine my life as a white woman has a lot to due with what I enjoy about being black. The trade off isn't big enough, especially with number 6:). I won't say being black has privileges, none that could compare to white privilege, but there are perks and an amount of flexibility I'm become accustomed to.

      My favorite movie is V for Vendetta. The part where Evie is reading Valerie's autobio on toilet paper: "....An inch. It's small and it's fragile and it's the only thing in the world worth having." .

      My situation is no where near as dire as the futuristic holocaust portrayed in the film but the sentiment still resonates with me. I have my "inch" and It must be worth a LOT with all the trouble I have to go through to hold onto it..lol.

      ForestElfQueen 1921 pts

      AJ2011edenifill re: V for V...great film...super-excellent graphic novel! ahhh Alan Moore <3 <3 <3

      edenifill 69 pts

      AJ2011 You're right. #6 is nothing to cry about! Lol! Like my mom says, "you have to learn to love who loves you."

      Karla 1679 pts

      AJ2011 I love "V for Vendetta". My hubs and I have a tradition where we watch it on the 5th of November every year (for a while, there, I was watching it once a week).

      Toni_M 2678 pts

      edenifill Amen all day long to number 4. Think you won't hear "fat" thrown at you if you're a white woman? HA! Size 6 is practically obese and Size 2 was the new Size 4, but now white women are expected to be a Size 00 (and I hear they REALLY hate Asian women for making such a size introduction possible). I'll take being a black women striving for a healthy lifestyle any day of the week over the startling normality with which eating orders are socially acceptable among white women.

      NO THANK YOU.

      ForestElfQueen 1921 pts

      Toni_Medenifill i know...6(USA) is my goal size. At this point, I'll take being a smallish 8.

      One thing I don't like is vanity sizing in the US. The international and dressmaker/sewing pattern/formal/wedding dress size charts are still like vintage. I wish they'd just left it alone. Why add to the chaos?

      edenifill 69 pts

      Toni_M Exactly. Women are judged on their looks and their femininity all the time and if some think that being a white woman will make all of this disappear, my guess is those people would be very disappointed. "Being on the pedestal" takes a lot pressure. And we won't see it because we are looking in from the other side of the fence. If you're a hot white woman, you have to worry about ageing. If you're not so hot, then you long to be so. It's a no-win situation for women, in general. Have you seen how white women treat each other?

      Mocha Z 1402 pts

      Toni_M edenifill Genetically, they actually seem to be at a serious disadvantage. Other than bone thin and/or young, their bodies are not attractive IMO. My curves were free and look proportional WW,AW,LW nor any other women have bodies or features that appealed to me. The osteoporosis look the lookcarry as a result ofyears of hunger is not enviable either. Sally Fields and Maria Shriver cant touch Angela Bassett and Phylicia Rashad. I wanna be an Angela woman, lol. My version of being a ww.

      blackpanthershay 220 pts

      edenifill Welcome Eden! Oh Barbarian parents?

      edenifill 69 pts

      blackpanthershay Guyanese, but great guess with the last name "IFILL". My grandfather's fam was from Barbados.

      blackpanthershay 220 pts

      edenifill oops not Barbarian..Barbadian sighs this pad is too much sometimes. Glad you knew what I meant :-)

      LadyLittlefoot 196 pts

      edenifill "green land of Guyana ..." welcome :-)blackpanthershay

      edenifill 69 pts

      LadyLittlefootblackpanthershay Thanx. Also "land of many waters".

      Sophia 226 pts

      edenifill More in the vien of physical advanages: in addition to looking younger than our biological ages, for a longer time (cause others like Asian women also look younger than their ages but they hit the wall hard when they turn 50) we can look as fit or even fitter than other race women at higher weights due to our muscle mass. A bw can be a size 6, for example, at a higher weight than ww, height and frame being the same.

      Of course, all this youthful look and great figures, which are our natural advantages, can only come out if we take care of ourselves physically and healh-wise.

      edenifill 69 pts

      Sophia You are correct. I see wm and ww who don't take care of themselves and it shows by the time they are in their 30s. We black women will be physically out of this world if we take care of ourselves (i.e. eat right, exercise, positive mentality). #3 will happen if you take care of you. Trust me, I live in a predominantly white city (hell, I'm in Canada. All cities are predominantly white!) and trust me, no man (unless he's a flaming racist) can defy the allure of a woman who is in great shape with a smile on her face.

      EarthJeff 358 pts

      edenifillSophia "and trust me, no man (unless he's a flaming racist) can defy the allure of a woman who is in great shape with a smile on her face." I couldnt agree more!

      RichardBackman 90 pts

      There's a lot of topics swirling around in this thread and many of the posts are amazing and brilliant. I hope to see an article we can discuss in the future surrounding priviledge and affirmitave action because, while it is tangentially related the premise behind the artical as a possible motivation, it really goes beyond the original purpose of experiencing what it's like to be someone else for a day. I for one have often daydreaming what it would be like to be many different people after a finishing a compelling movie or book.

      ForestElfQueen 1921 pts

      RichardBackman yes, fictional characters for sure!! ...still of all shades and species.lolz... yeh, i'm sorta weird.

      ForestElfQueen 1921 pts

      I've wanted to be different people of all 'races': My 3rd grade AfAm friend because she was so cute & had a lot of cool Barbie dolls and accessories.... my 6th grade Biracial classmate because she had a reason to wear a bra..... 8th grade Euro friend because she had a neat haircut that could get windblown & then magically land in place.... a 9th grade Latina classmate because she could draw the most amazing things.... a 10th grade Japanese classmate because she was so chic and wore the coolest clothes.......the cheerleaders(multiple races) well, because of the whole cheerleader-y thing?

      ...many celebrities for various reasons: Holly Robinson, Winona Ryder, Bernadette Stanis...(yes, Thelma from Good Times) Lisa Bonet, Diana Ross, Emanuelle Beart, Lucy Liu, Lauryn Hill, Fiona Apple, Tran Nu Yen Khe, Molly Ringwald, Elodie Bouchez...

      ...any woman who has ever touched Gerard Butler (or back in the day, James Taylor or Ben Volpeliere-Pierrot) ... maybe any guy who has been with Clive Barker or Nate Berkus.. lolz

      errrr, what were we talking about again?...yah, my 'queen for a day' fantasies have never focused on one particular color scheme...just talent, beauty, & access I guess.

      edenifill 69 pts

      ForestElfQueen You just made part of my point. The grass is always greener...and nearly everyone does it and it is not restricted to race.

      blackpanthershay 220 pts

      ForestElfQueen you really like Gerard lol

      blackpanthershay 220 pts

      ForestElfQueen mess lol was trying to post a gif lol

      Mocha Z 1402 pts

      ForestElfQueen blackpanthershay

      Here we go again...lol!

      ForestElfQueen 1921 pts

      blackpanthershay select copy the URL/image addy ..you can click on the pic and select 'copy image URL' or just copy what's in the bar at top.

      paste into box..make a test, ok? or maybe try it over in After Dark ...try it there. it echoes over there now, don't think anyone will mind?

      Mocha Z 1402 pts

      ForestElfQueen Lol...this explains my "I wish I was_________." moments. Not physical features but experiences captured my attention.

      VintageNarcissa 253 pts

      I honestly have never wanted to be white. I am perfectly in love with the color of my skin and my African features than come from my African father. And you'd be, absolutely baffled by the amount of white women I know who have openly said that they feel intimated by the beauty of black women, how they wish they had the "exotic, unique, look of black women" and how plain, and white-washed, dare I say, it is to be Caucasian.

      I can understand the idea of wanting to benefit from white privilege, if things were reverse and there was a such thing as black privilege, we would all be sitting pretty without a care in the world. Knowing what we know about the world, we would take it and run. So I don't fault this person for saying what she said. It's just the execution of it is a little bit off I guess.

      I just have to point out that it is white privilege in itself that a white woman can openly say that she wonders what it's like to be black but a black woman cannot openly say that she wonders what it's like to be white.

      Pearl 1375 pts

      depiscean1 Well yeah I mean white women are EVERYWHERE you can't miss them.. there's nothing really exotic about them.. to be completely honest...

      The Working Home Keeper 612 pts

      PearlVintageNarcissa That's exactly what my husband says! He says white women are just plain in his opinion.

      Pearl 1375 pts

      The Working Home KeeperVintageNarcissa Well It just gets a bit of played out.. they are really everywhere... I like the way I look and I wouldn't change it for the world :-)

      Pearl 1375 pts

      OFF Topic: I can reply now, yes, yes thank you stop your clapping oh my goodness, I'm so thankful

      I like Chrome I really do.. but now for some reason... the Afroromance ad is gone and I can't see the white guy's nipple.. what's up with that?

      ForestElfQueen 1921 pts

      Pearl "Afroromance ad is gone and I can't see the white guy's nipple.. what's up with that?"

      hahahaha

      Alana 2 44 pts

      Based on some of the earlier comments, depending on a BG's environment, some wanted the physical characteristics considered the most beautiful by her peers, whether that typical of a mixed BG or a WG. Does it help to have parents who instill pride in BG? Yep. Is it always enough to counter the negative messages she receives outside her family? Not necessarily.

      Pearl 1375 pts

      I can't use my email address, Im about to rip my ears off

      Nkosazana 237 pts

      Pearl try changing the email on this account to another email and then try to make a new account.