Madame Noire Covers “Swirling” and LMAO at the Comments!

 Joyce345 One more time for the cheap seats in the back! My mom is married to a black man, Dad, and she would say pretty much the same thing.

 Joyce345

 "It is a paradox but somehow websites that are supposedly meant for women tend to be the most male identified."

These sites need new subject matter.

 FriendsofJay Well said

 FriendsofJayDarlin', I've been open to non-black men since birth. Because I grew up in the rural south in the 80s and the 90s in a predominately white area, I was attracted to what I most often saw, white guys. I'm sure that when I was in high school a few of them were attracted to me, but they were too afraid to ever say anything. The only boyfriends I've ever had have been non-black because in my experience, most brothers don't appreciate all I have to offer. When they find that I'm smart and ambitious, their first thought is "Yeah, she can go out and make me some money." Some have even come right out and said that to me.

 grrlysquirrel75 FriendsofJay "Darlin', I've been open to non-black men since birth. "

Same here!  I've just always been attracted to white men.  So when I had the opportunity to date, I only dated white men.  It was pretty much a given for me that I would marry a non-black man.

 grrlysquirrel75  I grew up in the south in the 90s. I have lived in predominately white and predominately black areas, so like you said, I just liked whoever I saw and was around. I used to play outside with little white boys in my neighborhood so I guess it started there. I have always liked white guys and black guys (As well as Latino..never liked any Asian guys but I wouldn't count them out). I have come to the conclusion that I am just not compatible with most black men I meet. That's why my relationships with them were epic fails! lol. They were either too insensitive, immature, angry, shallow, close minded (music, style of dress, etc), materialistic, or disrespectful. I have flaws too but my flaws did not mesh well with their flaws lol. Of course, this is not all black men. I know some really nice black guys but most of them are unavailable or they're just good as friends. I find myself happier and able to be myself around my current boyfriend. I guess it's only right that I date a white guy. lol. I don't know why it took me that long to notice I was having compatibility issues with bm!

I had one white guy who confessed to liking me after high school. He went into the military and became a borderline alcoholic so I'm glad I passed on that one!!! A lot of guys at my university act like they're scared to talk to black girls too ..that's partially because black people stick together in their own little groups. Guys in general don't like coming up to girls when they are with a big group of people. I'm a loner...plus I smile at people....so that may have helped. Plus, I met my boyfriend at work anyway.

You really nailed it with those last few lines!! I have had guys say things like that to me too!! Like, seriously? They have no shame in using a woman for their personal gain!!  Do they not understand that they should be trying to be your boyfriend, not your pimp? smh.

 MySmile 

I agree with a lot of what you guys have said. I couldn't imagine not like men of other backgrounds. There are way too many awesome men of different colors I could mingle with and have a fun time with.

@MySmile @grrlysquirrel75 "Do they not understand that they should be trying to be your boyfriend, not your pimp?" I love it!

 Blackberry  Lol! Some guys really act like pimps though! I also remember some guys in high school who would brag about having sex with older women who gave them money & paid for dates!!...like that is a badge of honor! SMH half of them were probably lying but I know for a fact some of them messed with older women.

MySmile

My beginnings started with me living in a predominately Black city up until the age of nine.  We moved to the suburbs where it was sort of mixed, but over time it has become an area heavy with Black people.  There was a point in my life when I thought boys of all races were attractive, but only saw myself dating a Black guy.

I think it has always been easier for me to converse with non-Black people, and being in work environments with mostly Black employees has only further proved that. 

My first job and the second job I worked while working at my first job were both environments with nearly all Black employees with the exception of a store manager, manager(s) and one or two non-Black employees.  I am a shy introvert, so I never socialize with people just to socialize.  In those work environments, a lot of the female employees would flirt with the Black guys and they would flirt back.  I was never interested in any of them and one day I was accused of liking a White male employee because I would talk to him more than the others.  It wasn’t that I was romantically interested in him; it was just much easier for me to converse with him than the Black male employees.  It’s like, with a lot of Black guys, what they are open to and what they can talk about is very limited.  And their attitudes about life as a whole just turn me off.  Like you, I am not compatible with Black men. Likewise, I experience so much street harassment from them and what are their obvious feelings about Black women that I have no interest in them.

I have Black male acquaintances, but they aren’t people who I have met outside of the work environment or educational environment.  Some women who date non-Black men have never had relationships/sex with Black guys, but when I was teenager, I participated in sexual activity with Black guys, but that definitely wouldn’t happen now.

One of the Black male acquaintances I have has wanted to date me for quite some time. Every time he gets back in contact with me, his first questions are, “Do you have a boyfriend?” and “Do you have kids?”  Maybe I overanalyze things, but I find it interesting that he has never asked me, “Are you married?”  I would never date him even though I have known him for fifteen years.  Our conversation before last that we had on the phone consisted of him throwing out the word ‘nigga’ frequently and even referring to women as ‘females’ and ‘bitch’.  I cannot and will not tolerate that.

At one job I had within the last few years, a Black female acquaintance accused me of being a lesbian because of my many stories about street harassment from Black men.  She said that she sometimes thought that I hated men.  I told her that I did not and that this was about not accepting disrespect from (Black) men on the street.  I didn’t tell her that I just wasn’t interested in Black men though. I would date a woman, but I am not a lesbian. Even though I don’t date, I consider myself to be bisexual, because I would date a man, but just not a Black one because I have nothing in common with them.

 19jleo86 Yes!! I really enjoyed reading that I enjoy reading other people's stories and experiences. Yea, even though I don't really fit in anywhere I get along with everybody at work (black, white, young, old, asian, hispanic, poor, middle class). A good thing about living in different areas is that I can relate to most people in some sort of way. I talk to white people more than the other black people though....especially white guys.  A lot of the ones I met are so darn funny, laid back, dorky, goofy, etc. Like you said, they are so easy to talk to for the most part. You can talk about the stupidest or goofiest things ever and most won't judge you.

I've gotten accused of being a man hater too! (by some damaged black men..just because I called them out on their sh**) I'm actually a romantic and I'm sensitive..far from a man hater..I just hate when men don't treat women gently.  :-) I love romance and gentlemen. Being a gentleman does not mean that a guy is soft. In fact, I find gentleman to be some of the most strong and manly men out there :-).

A lot of black guys just don't know how to treat a woman gently. I'm all for women's rights but that doesn't mean I want to be treated like a straight up man!. I don't like to be talked to like some two dollar hoe. That guy friend of yours needs to quit. I have some guys who still try to flirt with me even though I'm with my bf..One is a respectful black guy. He has practically been in love with me since we were 18 (I am now 22) and we have never been together officially lol. Even though he is going to medical school and has his stuff together, he was too serious and busy for me. He's all work and no play. He is really sweet but he did not have time for me. He's also in a fraternity so that takes up even more of his time. I admire him and sometimes wonder if I should have given him a chance but I couldn't be more than friends with him..it wouldn't work. Plus, I kept putting him in the friend zone for some reason so I can't see us together. So yea, some guys can be good people but not a good romantic partner.

 Matrix12 Yes, I can clear that up for you.   If you go back to my last few sentences, I did mention that even though I don't date, I consider myself to be bisexual, because I would date a woman or a man, but I am not interested in dating Black men.  I am a very technical person, so when I use terms, I use them according to their dictionary definition.  So, women who date other women ONLY are lesbians.  I would date a woman or man, so that makes me bisexual.

@MySmile I just subscribed to your channel. I had a feeling you're cute, now I know you are. ...

 dasdbobb  Aww thanks!!! :-D I do what I can! 

@MySmile are you on fb? friend me? bob george

 dasdbobb  Yeah, I like to keep my facebook kind of personal though! Is your name really Bob George? It must be cool to have two first names lol!

@MySmile Long story. if we ever skype or anything like that i'll tell you. got to do with my dearly departed wife and her idiot kids.

Going to sleep. Good night everyone.

MySmile I'm glad that you enjoyed reading that.  I have plenty of stories and few people who care to listen.  Anyway.  

I guess I am the same way.  I don’t fit in anywhere or one particular place and a good person is a good person irrespective of their ethnicity, age, sexual orientation and economic status. 

Yea, I am far from a man hater, too. The only reason I can think of as to why that acquaintance stated that she thought I hated men was because she would accept poor behavior from a man and not think twice about it.

I agree.  A lot of Black guys don’t know how to treat women.  A lot of them don’t even know how to properly approach a woman.   I remember telling my White guy’s friend about how Black men approach me and they say, “What’s up, boo!” and “Where ya man at?”, and he said, "What!  They are calling you boo already?”

Right now, that guy friend (The Black one) of mine is in a relationship, so I haven’t gotten any text messages from him in a few months, and I also don’t think he liked when I called him out for just wanting sex.

Well, you said yourself that you couldn’t see him, as more than a friend, so that is why you put him in the friend zone, I believe.  

 MySmile 

"A lot of guys at my university act like they're scared to talk to black girls too ..that's partially because black people stick together in their own little groups. Guys in general don't like coming up to girls when they are with a big group of people. "

When I was an undergrad 15+ years ago, the small number of Black students at NoName Poly generally congregated in a far corner of the cafeteria of the student union building. They were loud, hostile and glowered at people who dared to look at them. There was a defacto 15-20 foot DMZ around that area of empty tables. I went back there for a 10-year function and it was the same situation with different actors. The only whites in the group were females associated with the males and not many of them.

A WM or other man would have to be crazy to walk into that situation to try to talk with a Black woman. These days, I wonder how many of the Black women in the group were interested, but just too intimidated by the glowering BSU "leaders" to give it a try.

 Matrix12  19jleo86  MySmile Um, bisexual = being attracted to BOTH men and women. Lesbian = Mainly if not exclusively attracted to women. Pansexual = attracted to a person regardless of their gender identity.

 MySmile "Guys in general don't like coming up to girls when they are with a big group of people."     That is more intimidating and probably does often stop an approach.  Right or wrong, it just is...

 Law Wanxi LOL!!! A 15 to 20 foot DMZ!!! Haha that must have been something serious!! (side note: I love learning about North Korea even though it scares the living crap out of me!). Yes, a lot of the black students in college stick together. This is the time when many black people become conscious or militant. They join black student unions and don't associate with anyone else. I understand why they do that but they have to realize it is limiting them. Like I've said before, they can be pro black without being anti everyone else!!  There is nothing wrong with fighting for human and minority rights though. I hate big, loud, groups of people (unless I'm at a party or something)! >:-( I can see why any guy would be intimidated!

 EarthJeff Yep! What guy wants to be turned down in front of a big group of people? Your egos are already fragile enough lol. :-)

 MySmile  I know all about not fitting in anywhere. Because of the area where I grew up, I spent a lot of time with white people from a very young age. By the time I got to an environment that was a bit more diverse, I was shunned by black people because I actually deigned to talk to and be friends with white folks. Here in Boston, once I graduated from college I didn't live in any of the stereotypically black areas, so of course I must think I'm better than everyone else. The thing is, I just know what I like and I do my own thing. I'm a friendly person and I'll talk to anyone who approaches me in a respectful way. If you're going to come at me like I owe you something because we're the same color, then you need to get over yourself.

 Toni_M  Matrix12  19jleo86  MySmile  I always thought that meant being attracted to cookware.

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 MySmile  I guess I spoke too soon, because the Black  guy friend called me today!  To make a long story short - He told me I should lower my standards (Apparently he saw my Facebook statuses where I talked about not liking certain things about guys and what I wouldn't accept).  He even said himself that he doesn't fit them (my standards).  I asked him about his GF and he said that she was 'just a friend'.  His Facebook picture is of him and his GF.  I asked him about that too and he said he hadn't been on Facebook for 3 weeks, but I just checked his page and his most recent update was this past Sunday.  There isn't a chance in hell that I will ever date him and he is lying about the dumbest things.

 grrlysquirrel75 I never did understand the BM experience of making their women support them, but then a WM usually doesn't have much understanding of the BC.

 FriendsofJay  I don't get it either...a woman should not be supporting a man unless he is disabled or something! I don't see how some guys really call themselves men when they live their lives leaching off of women.

 grrlysquirrel75

 That was also the case for me as well.  Except I grew in Toronto, which is very culturally diverse. I was exposed to all sorts of different races, white, South Asian, Asian, you name it.  I have always found myself attracted to white men for many reasons mainly because of personality.  The black men that I met were not compatible with me in terms of personality.  Like you, they have not had a lot to offer me because they were too aggressive, and have had the unfortunate habit of having multiple kids with several different women and was looking for a woman to support them.  And, most of them did not share the same interests with me.  I still find myself in the position of explaining or justifiing my preferences to my parents; my mother's eyes light up with the hope that I will bring home the perfect black man.  I am slowly trying not to feel guilty about my preferences and am glad to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

 Matrix12  FriendsofJay

 I agree with you wholeheartedly. Although my preference has always been for non-black men, whenever I was with my white girlfriends and we were with white guys, the guys were more interested in the white girls and I was pretty much always on the sidelines. I thought it might change when I went to college, but it didn't. Only after I graduated from college and started living on my own did I encounter white men who were attracted to black women and didn't care who knew it. The first two I dated were a lot older than me, but only recently have I encountered white men closer to my age who date black women.

 Matrix12 I agree with most of what you said. You make some good points. A lot of these guys are still close minded or scared. Luckily I found one who wasn't..well, he found me lol...okay, we found each other! Anyways, I think it will really change when society's perception of black women in general changes. I have heard people say on dating sites that they have seen people's profiles that say "No black girls, please!" What kind of mess is that?! How would you leave out a whole race of people when there are good and bad (and attractive/unattractive) people in every race. Those guys obviously have something against black women.

Most men in general don't blog about females/relationships so I think that isn't necessarily a bad thing. A lot of the white guys I meet are more reserved about what they like. Also..some white guys have a creepy obsession with Asian women just to be honest. (I'm not talking about a healthy attraction or preference..I'm talking about purely sexual and creepy...some guys say they like Asian women because they have small bodies and they are "tight"...use your imagination..sounds like they are describing a child!!)..  I'd rather them not blog about us like that!

 MySmile  Matrix12 I also know a LOT of WM who have a big thing about Asian women.  They tell me they like their sweetness and their submissive nature.  I think they've seen too many movies from the 30's and 40's.  I've never shared that yen for oriental women.  My male friends actually think I'm the weird one for not thinking Asian women are hot.

 FriendsofJay  That is not weird lol...I think in a way, Asian women have become a standard of beauty and femininity...sometimes even more so than the traditional blond. My bf likes all types of women but he's not particularly crazy over Asian women either... I don't think anyone should cancel out a whole group of people but I understand the realities...and the realities are, most of us have found more potential mates in one group than others. Honestly, I haven't really seen/met any Asian men I liked that much but I can't say that I don't like them at all or that I could never date an Asian guy. Everyone has those things and looks that they like the most though!

 Matrix12  FriendsofJay I agree with you. While there are some white men who are afraid to date black women because of what their peers would think, there are still many white men who are either racist or openly express that they are not attracted to black women. I've come across plenty of Asian and Hispanic men who are the same way. However, that is just one more reason why black women should be open to men of all ethnicities. The more we expand our options, the larger our pool of potential mates becomes.

Believe it or not, I have had a few Hispanic guys tell me that they only date Latinas and black women because they prefer curvy women of color. There seems to be two types of Latino men who are open to IRRs that I come across a lot. Aside from liking their own women, they either like white women because that is the standard of beauty established by our Eurocentric society or they like black women since we have some physical features in common with Hispanic women, we often come from similar socioeconomic backgrounds, and we share a common understanding of what it's like to be a minority.  

 Tammy_Ghalden  Matrix12I agree with your Hispanic guy friends.  That's another thing I like about BW: curves.  Few WW are as curvaceous and voluptuous as BW.  All those curves keep a guy from thinking too hard.  No pun intended.

 FriendsofJay  Hi FriendsofJay, I get what you're saying. But, the idea of dating out (although I found all kinds of guys attractive) didn't occur to me until I saw actual wm/bw couples. And I never even knew that Asian guys dated and/or married black women until about 3 years ago. Maybe it's just me, but in matters of romance, I wasn't brave enough to venture out until I saw proof that it was successful for someone out there.

 FriendsofJay Thats shows hope for me.

 FriendsofJay  "Let yourself be loved."    I liked the way you said those words.

 Blackberry Exactly!! People in same race relationships kill me when they try to say "who needs a book?" and "Why do we need to keep talking about this?" and bla bla bla. We are all (a colorful bunch of) humans but the whole world doesn't see it like that..There are some obstacles that are unique to interracial relationships. How would they even know if someone in an IR needs advice? It's funny how they think we are making interracial dating such a big deal when they are making it an even bigger deal by arguing against it.

 MySmile Blackberry  The statements "Who needs a book" & "Why do we need to keep talking about this..." pretty much sums up the problem within these environments!

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