Me and You against the World: How Chibi and David Work to Make it Work

Me and You against the World: How Chibi and David Work to Make it Work

David and Chibi met through BB&W and the Facebook group, Asian Men, Black Women United. David, who is Hmong, and Chibi, a black woman, have faced tremendous obstacles to be together. David’s Hmong family have refused to honor their relationship and Chibi’s father has also expressed his disapproval. Despite all that, they’re relationship is stronger than ever–they plan to marry.

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Author : Chibi Sayuri

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By Chibi Sayuri

Hmm, it’s amazing how far David and I have come and even more amazing how much we fought the world and society to tell them that OUR union and OUR existence will continue whether they like it or not. It’s funny to see how the world and society always try to display acceptance, or better yet tolerance, but in reality there are constant objections and uproars about things that aren’t “the norm”. Our constant battle for equality will probably never end because we exhibit the very essence of different– or better yet– UNIQUE. Every day is a constant battle from men that are DBRs, family, and just people who are not mentally capable of even THINKING of two races intertwining to create something marvelous and beautiful.  I  can’t even begin to express my disappointment in my own community with the double standards and verbal bashing for MY CHOICE in a life partner and for MY CHOICE of a soul mate, future husband, and father of  my kids. I have been called “a sellout”, “white man’s whore” (which I’m still trying to grasp because it’s quite clear that David is definitely not white…but then again what can you expect from an ignorant DBR man), and ugh just all kinds of mess from the men in my community. The irony from these men is mind blowing these are SOME of the men who are locked up, slang dope, don’t have an education, won’t marry, man the list can go on and on, and yet they are so quick to throw their OPINION out as if I asked their asses for their “unable to calculate the square-root of 122” mentality behinds. Ugh, it is behind me to even try to speak sense into people who think they can never do a wrong and for men who think their penis is God’s gift for every race of women smh the arrogance really kills me and even cracks me up a little bit inside.

David and I have gone through so much together and are still going strong because we know who were are as individuals, we know that love has no boundaries, and we know how to appreciate each other’s very existence. Many of our friends in the Asian male/Black female community know that David and I were once a long distance couple and recently transitioned into living together. We know how it feels to want to hug, to kiss, and to be intimate with each other but can’t because of distance, and just the fact that we are able to wake up and see the other’s face every morning we appreciate each other’s time more than the average couple. We can honestly say that we love each other through everything and that we love each other with everything in us (despite the occasional tug-of-war with family because of our “choices”). Our love shows through our pictures, our videos, and just our intense stares at each other. We live and breathe for each other’s happiness and the fact that we know what we want out of life and what we want out of our relationship we definitely work to make it work. Our life is definitely a fairytale and we couldn’t ask for more.

“Always know when to choose you battles in life, every battle isn’t worth the fight”- David Vang

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DavidVang 10 pts

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the love and support that you all have shown. Definitely means a lot to us. Typically you have one parent on one side that will actually support or be open to it but when you don't it can be hard. There are times, like the holidays, when it's hard because you just know that your own family won't bother picking up the phone because they feel ashamed, nervous, scared, etc. But we do our best to encourage one another and to support one another through everything. Despite the obstacles, we are doing good and plan on staying together forever. Again, it was due to christelyn russell-karazin that this relationship was even possible. Thank you all for the love and support.

NATruthstudent 1099 pts

DavidVangchristelyn russell-karazin

David, there's an old saying i learned from my second wife: Let go, and let God." Easier said than done, but it CAN be done! Wishing you both the very best that life has to offer!

Brenda55 4316 pts moderator

DavidVangchristelyn russell-karazin

I had a girlfriend years ago who fell in love with and married a man who was not the same religion she was. In fact she was in the process of converting to his religion. Needless to say this did not go over at all well with her family. There was only and elderly aunt who kept the lines of communication open for her but that was it. No direct contact between her and family.

An unplanned pregnancy resulted in a wedding and while her family did attend they were less than thrilled and showed because they were concerned about what their friends and neighbors would think if they did not go. it was a tense situation. The couple decided to have clergy from both of their religions officiate at their ceremony. Believe it or not this made matters worse her family felt slighted and this olive branch was used as a excuse to cut off all ties with their daughter.

Brenda55 4316 pts moderator

My friend went through her entire pregnancy with out her mother and the women in her family sharing this time. The birth of the first grandchild in that family. The couple made the best of it and the husband family tried to fill in the gap but it hurt. My friend's family came around only after the birth their her baby. For some reason it usually happens that way. I guess they figured that the physical evidence of this couple's love, their union and the blending in flesh and bone of their two families meant that there was no turning back so her family had to accept their daughters choice. You see her family wanted to stop the relationship and the marriage. When she became pregnant they wanted to punish.

Brenda55 4316 pts moderator

Families are funny that way. They want everyone to stay within the fold and when one strikes out in a different direction they react. Sometimes harshly. My friend and her husband got through it, the family made peace and not much is said about all the wasted time. They are together because in the end it is their life and they stand firm with each other.

In the end once you grow up you leave your birth family to make a family of your own. It would be nice if one's birth family would accept one's choice but it does not alway work out that way but sometimes time and a change of circumstance takes care of these matters. I hope that is the case for the both of you.

NATruthstudent 1099 pts

Brenda55DavidVangchristelyn russell-karazin

They should just be happy their daughter found someone to be happy WITH. Dang, what is WRONG with people???

Brenda55 4316 pts moderator

NATruthstudentDavidVangchristelyn russell-karazin

Nothing is really wrong with then Truth. These situations are about kinship and tradition and the passing on of culture as much as they are about love. Being a human being is messy.

Brenda55 4316 pts moderator

Brenda55NATruthstudentDavidVangchristelyn russell-karazin

I will also say this. People want to leave something lasting behind. A legacy, a part of them that lives on after they are gone. People invest those feelings in their children and pour all of the hopes , dreams, history. People want the validation that their time here meant something and that what they were will not disappear. For most people their children are the only monument they will leave behind. Children are often seen less as individuals but a refection of the parents image and likeness. They are part of an continuum. As it was in the past so it shall be in the future. My line continues. So of course there is resistance and anger when the child attempts to alter the script .

reem11 363 pts

DavidVang Christelyn russell-karazin You guys will do fine. As long as you both love each other, that is what counts. As long as you both continue to to stay together,work out your relationship together close the rest of the negatives out of your lives. Yes easy said than done. I hope these scriptures will encourage you as they are from the greatest book every written. Regarding your situation, and especially if you all are thinking marriage. See what God has to say. Genesis 2:24; Mark 10:6-7; Matthew 19:5 Best wishing to you and your guy. I must say I am happy you found someone to share your life with.

reem11 363 pts

DavidVang Christelyn russell-karazin As long as you both love each other. Work on your lives together this is what counts. Leave the negative people out of your lives. If these people want to be helpful so be it. I know it is easy said than done. Cleave to each other. You mentioned marriage then kids in the future in the article. I would like to share some verses from the greatest book every written. And hope these words from God will encourage you in your current situation. God knew these problems would arise in marriage and for couples who seek to marry. I am so happy for you both. Best wishes.
Genesis 2:24; Mark 10:6-7; Matthew 19:5

Marcie 256 pts

Congratulations to you both. Some people like your selves just know what you all want, can make sacrifices and being together in love. Im just a hopeless romantic and just love to hear these stories. Im just humming the tune of Billie Holiday right now...."the man I love."

NATruthstudent 1099 pts

Marcie

That's a good one, Marcie, but I always liked "Ain't Nobody's Bizness"!

Marcie 256 pts

Aint nobody's bizness for sure. Can you imagine strangers that you pass on the streets want to be the end all for acceptance! They dont know where you came from or where you are going in your IRR but want to cast judgement on your life. Shame on them. Yes dont let the bastards get you down.NATruthstudent

jbutlergreen 25 pts

I wish them many blessings and strength as they go through life together and make this committment to each other. You against the world but I think you can handle it.

Ms. Kay 143 pts

The thing about all this is that Interracial relationships/cultures have been happening before I was formed in the womb and will continue to happen even when I live and die at 110....people should just stop the crap and let it go. Its here to stay. Has been and always will be. and these interracial couples/families/cultures are quite happy living their lives, while these DBR people instead of basking in these people happiness they are finding faults left right and centre when they should be checking on their own lives *smh*....... "If you live in a glass house DONT throw stones" or "misery likes company"...or ugh! *throw hands up*

Law Wanxi 3263 pts

This makes me SO HAPPY to see!!!!!

I just want everything in your lives to be so wonderful for both of you.

The Hmong have had a particularly rough time in the USA, but things are starting to slowly get better.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/01/us/a-hmong-generation-finds-its-voice-in-writing.html

Betty Boo 245 pts

I wish this couple the very best

NATruthstudent 1099 pts

As the old saying goes (yeah, I know, I'm always pulling old sayings out of my hat LOL), "Illegitimi non corborundum!"

Brenda55 4316 pts moderator

NATruthstudent

I won't translate that quote. You can get google translator to do that for you. But is good advice. I remember coming across the line for first time the book Born Naked by Farley Mowat. A good read BTW.

NATruthstudent 1099 pts

Brenda55

I might look that up, Brenda. But my first time reading that line was in one of Robert Heinlein's many books. If memory serves, it was "Time Enough For Love", which I read as a teenager. And i've loved his works ever since.

Brenda55 4316 pts moderator

NATruthstudent

I like Heinlein also. Stranger in a Strange land and my favorite .The Cat Who walked Through Walls. That last book introduced me to one of my favorite poems. Ulysses by A.L. Tennyson. You have something in common with my hubby. He has read just about everything by Heinlein.

NATruthstudent 1099 pts

Brenda55

"Stranger" was a good one, especially because of the message about loving one another. "Cat" was good too, but I didn't much care for the ending. I REALLY liked "The Number Of The Beast".

Brenda55 4316 pts moderator

NATruthstudent

I just asked hubby about that one. Sounds complex. .

NATruthstudent 1099 pts

Brenda55

It is. your hubby is right. But it's still fun, especially if you liked "Time Enough For Love".

SirLoinDeBeef 553 pts

Brenda55NATruthstudent Also The Boat That Wouldn't Float, by the same author ... after encountering the effluent from 'de gurry poipe!"

NATruthstudent 1099 pts

SirLoinDeBeefBrenda55

Hmmm.... never heard of that one, I'll have to look it up! Thanks!

DavidVang 10 pts

LOL, love that old saying. NATruthstudent

VintageNarcissa 923 pts

May I ask, how long were you guys together and together long distance before you moved in together. I ask because I am currently in a long distance relationship and we are talking about moving in together. Part of me is worried that it would be too soon, but the other part of me is excited about the prospect of being able to see him, touch him, be with him everyday. Luckily for me the only hurdle in my relationship is that we're currently long distance. We only really have to deal with naysayers. The most we have to deal with is dirty looks but I honestly when I'm out with my guy, I'm usually so engrossed in my guy I hardly notice anything else. He usually has to tell me what's going on.

It really pisses me off, especially these black men who promote their own interracial options but take issue with ours. More so especially when they supposedly don't want to date us anyway. I find it ironic because in the next generation, it will be our daughters who are put on a pedestal as the epitome of black beauty when we are being denounced for our choices now.

ChibiSayuri 23 pts

we been together for about almost 8months...been living together for 3months....but everyone is different so you don't need to ask us..you guys need to KNOW AND FEEL when you guys are READY to make that step depiscean1

ChibiSayuri 23 pts

thanx for the comments you guys....yes david and i are definitely not letting it get to us :)

DeeDeeRussell 722 pts

ChibiSayuri You're very brave. Ignore those BM hypocrites. One of my BM friends says that is what we should call them-hypocrites.

Rosie S 794 pts

I'm going to cross my hands and hope that the family issues will die down as time goes on. Good luck.

EliseYMason 176 pts

*sigh* that is just so ... AWWW <3

eugeniamitchell 3482 pts moderator

There is nothing like finding someone who loves and accepts just for who you are, count yourselves very blessed. Good luck to you both.

NickNik 20 pts

Chibi and David keep the faith, you have a beautiful thing going on. Stand your ground and continue to be courageous. Congradulations to both of you.

MadamCJCPA 725 pts

Congratulations on finding your soulmate! There is nothing else on this green Earth that compares to knowing you have found "The One."

DeeDeeRussell 722 pts

Congratulations and best wishes for a happy life together.

Patricia Kayden 533 pts

How sweet. Looking forward to wedding photos and baby pictures (SMILE).

formavitae 328 pts

Well, I LOVE ASIAN MEN, TOO! MORE POWER TO YA'! lol

But, on a serious note, I am VERY happy for you! I hope you are able to stay strong and actualize you want for yourselves. There will be challenges, but your love seems like the real thing. Hold on tight!

LovingMyself 193 pts

Omg. This is incredible. I can't fathom WHY strangers would throw such negativity your way. Is it because they can sense your happiness, your security, your worthiness, your positivity in your relationship? Should you, I, or anyone else not have something like that? This just makes it seem SO much realer to me. I'm very happy for you both. Because going through what you all are continuing to face can either break you little by little or toughen you up. It's like you said, you both know who you are as individuals, and I think that's key.

Blessings to you and David. :)

ChibiSayuri 23 pts

thank you very much you guys....yes and i heard worse too...its quite sickening the remarks that i get from black ppl.....his extended family excepts me as one of their own..so i'm happy about that..and my dads coming around slightly :) LovingMyself

SFbyDay 82 pts

Congrats on finding each other. I wish you many years of happiness.

ChibiSayuri 23 pts

thank you guys...although sorry for the couple grammar errors that slipped past me....i hope you guys enjoyed it

formavitae 328 pts

ChibiSayuri It was WONDERFUL!

Veron 520 pts

ChibiSayuri You guys are beautiful! Even more so for letting your love overcome repudiation. You two are the reason why someday, our world will TRULY be accepting of all people, race and appearance will be non-issues, if even existent, and love will have the final say. Even though you both are doing what you're doing for your own happiness, you're actions hold so much weight for our future. The simple act of staying together has pulled one more brick off the wall of bigotry.

I'm being melodramatic, but seriously! You two are beautiful!

DeeDeeRussell 722 pts

ChibiSayuri Best wishes to you, my dear!!

glamdoll 496 pts

ChibiSayuri

You two look so adorable....best wishes!

tigerjlv86 217 pts

You two are a beautiful couple! Can't wait until there are wedding pics! There is nothing like the feeling of true love and having a person who gives that to you.

It's not always easy, but the love you two have for each other will make it easier to deal with. I'm sure you know there's a community of folk here who are happy about your relationship and hope y'all continue to grow stronger each and every day.

I wish you two nothing but blessings and favor.

ForestElfQueen 2112 pts

beautiful message! I agree, long-distance can be torturous OTOH I remember the total thrill of my now husband visiting.

best of luck!<3