Learn how to Swirl
How to date, mate and relate. Mixing race, culture and creed.
Toni and Matthew Hussey must have been on the same wavelength…
Honestly. You are a very sick puppy and if anybody had any doubts about your resentment of BW your three sick lame attempts of satire make it very clear.
My latest conversation: Conversation @ http://happydarkgirls.blogspot.com/b/app-preview?token=oA21njMBAAA.drZJFosVoF-qp-soCyp7sg.UCkY7AolMu9h7GSNYqmpHg
DeeDeeRussell Honestly. Okay. I knew there was a reason I felt odd when reading those comments.
Honestly. Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining. First straight up sarcasm then fake offense. Kneegrow please.
You snuck in on an off day with this crap. I'll say it again: sick puppy.
DeeDeeRussell Honestly. Hi, Ms.Russell. Thank you for tearing into the interlopers frontin' as "folk that care" bwwwwaaaaahhhhaaa.
On a more serious note, I try going into the "conversation @ etc..." link and it doesn't do anything other than show the letter "B" with dots appearing that it is loading but nothing ever happens, do I need to be in FaceCrack (Book) in order to see/hear the above?
Deepwater Horizon Honestly. Deepwater, that creature is pathetic. Trying to pass that ridiculous and sappy bit of satire off as concern. It's used to dealing with citizens of Blackistan, not the sharp minded BW here @ BBW.
Thanks for the heads up regarding the conversation link, I will adjust the profile settings to correct the issue.
DeeDeeRussell Honestly. Cool.
I smile all of the durn time so much so that even the street bums call me Happy. I'm approached by men of all races due, I believe, to my happy smiling face. When I want protection I wear big shades but still with a smile.
I refuse to live in a culture that makes mean mug necessary. I'm a kitten, not a hard-ass.
DeeDeeRussell "I'm a kitten, not a hard-ass."
Absolutely! Love it! :)
The Working Home Keeper Thank you. Walk the walk and talk the talk. Birds are singing, blossoms blooming plenty to smile around. We have one go round on this mortal coil may as well look as pretty as possible. A smile is a woman's best cosmetic!
And you and ALL Black women/girls have a right not to be forced into such a disgusting culture.
AnInterestedObserver I agree AIO BW have been fed a false bill of goods. We should mean mug, don't date IR, stay fat, whoops-thick, spawn children outside of marriage etc. Just picture that sort of woman!!
Honestly. AnInterestedObserver You, a pathetic Trojan Horse Troll from Blackistan shall talk to the hand from this point on - it's a waste of my beautiful time to speak to you or any Trojan Horse Troll from Blackistan. Have fun trolling a blog for women you hate, you sicko.
So I tried Matthew's challenge albeit for 1 day, not 1 week. Haha. Yesterday. Me. Riding the subway trying to have a neutral, but friendly approachable face. Me. Walking to work with my coffee trying to have a friendly, approachable face...I felt way ridiculous and totally self-conscious. Funny I was more worried about by eyebrows than my mouth. I'm sure I looked ridiculous, but by the end of the day the whole situation made me laugh. So then I was walking down the street laughing out loud by myself like a crazy person. This kinda thing could turn me into a nervous wreck...I think the experiment is done for me.
I laughed so hard, because this is me!
I think someone below called it "a part of her urban survival arsenal". I do turn it on and off depending on where I am and what I'm doing, but as a member of the single ladies club I probably need to change up the ratio a bit!
Author of "Marrying Later, Marrying Smarter", available in Korean. I think almost every Gen1 or Gen2 Korean girl in LA has a copy of that or at least it seems that way.
First off I love, Love, LOVE London!! I'm new to the blog and I'm guilty of what Matthew speaks. Living in <b>Memphis, TN</b> it is almost a way of life and sometimes I feel my perma-scowl as someone has termed it has become just that....permanent. I have to work on that.
london right now is really good.
arlette81 I'm sure! I was just there in March and had a glorious time!! I want to go back, heck relocate there.
Perma-scowl (love that term)
Not such a good look for women.
This next idea works on most days I do this when out in the street and don't want to be bothered with people.
Looks cute doesn't it? Since I have to don glasses any way mine are prescription.
While I get want Matt is saying I do know that part of my urban survival arsenal means keeping my face in neutral. I do not scowl that is stressful and too darn much work. My face is just relaxed with minimal expression. Neutral to me looks cool.
This face is in neutral:
and so is this one:
My girl Kerry Washington in neutral.
And sitting across a table driving some guy nuts by throwing him “that look”
and in sunglasses:
A lot of communication gets cut off by covering her eyes.
As I said before this is part of my urban survival arsenal. There are too many creeps, weirdos and nut cases out there and most boorish men want to see a reaction from women when they street harass.
Sunglasses cuts that off so they pick some one else.
Brenda55 But notice that in the neutral faces the ends of the mouth are tilted ever so slightly up. Some women's mouths tilt down so their neutral looks like a frown. Or because of their face shape (e.g., frown lines, heavy cheeks) their mouths droop. It's subtle. Plus, if your brows are furrowed or your eyes are droopy (e.g., when your are bored or tired) it can look like you are unhappy or mad. I realized months ago that I didn't open my eyes very wide and let my brows droop but now I don't and i get approached without someone saying I look mad.
Elegance That makes sense. You know how to set your face....which is what actors do to communicate what you want to express.
Elegance Brenda55 Exactly! A slight smile (ie upturned lips) doesn't mean you have to grin from ear to ear.
Brenda55 Good Day: I have the above looks up on my screen and agree with you, Brenda55, 1000%. Loved Mr. Husseys' rants and comments (cute as heyall too - lol). I "stays" in shades for the above stated reasons in the last paragraph alone, "the creeps, nut cases and boorish men that want a reaction" Bwaaahaaaaa, agree 1000% girl, bwwaaahaaa. Conversely, white men that do approach me in said "survival gear" tend to be very sure of themselves, finer and sexier. This is what I'd call "sexy".
Brenda55 Its all in the eyes...
Question: I understand the value of being approachable for the purpose of attracting men to potentially date; however, if I am walking down the street in a city by myself, my goal is typically to look unapproachable. I do not want to be hassled by men in their 50s (I'm only 19), or solicited by other individuals. Additionally, in reference to cat calls on a city street, a common one is "Smile for me baby!" I have no inclination to gift my smile on rude people and I fear that it could actually endanger me if I seem to encourage such behavior. How do I reconcile the advice to smile and attract potential dates with the need to seem focused and aloof?
nen2014 I have the same concerns as it's a bit of a struggle to learn how to turn it on and off without seeming desperate. It's like either I smile at everyone or no one. I prefer to not smile at the undesirables and smile at men I'm attracted to while walking around...issues are.. it's rare to see someone I'm attracted to walking down the street.(no, I'm not picky. just want someone in my age group, slim, clean cut/shaven, no tats, who isn't dressed sloppily or like a thug.) And if I do see someone I'm attracted to, they usually avoid eye contact, so trying to smile at them is pointless. Plus, I feel a bit "eager" to walk around "mean mugging" only to smile when I see someone I'm attracted to, and go back to mean mugging when he walks by. lol. Or is this how it's supposed to be done?
Mel_woman nen2014 I think a pleasant small smile as a neutral can work. Maybe think of it as a spectrum w/ 1 = true neutral to 10=full-on blazing cheesin' dealie... a 3 to 6 could work as a base then adjust according to environment/mood. I also feel it's the overall facial expression(and body lang., vibe, demeanor) that matter, does the person looks super tense, angry, pinched etc or more relaxed, open, curious, serene?
IME, the total Chesire cat isn't obligatory. I've been around some super-smiling yet super-creepy people that have put me off more than the 'y so serious' neutral-to-grumpy.
Well, if you don't want to "smile for a man," at least smile for your health:
Here's my other question. Men, I thought you liked it when a woman was a challenge? **I'm going back to reading "The Memoirs of Casanova" that man knew how to seduce the panties off any woman including the shrews. men today are too comfortable and waaayyy too lazy..IMO...
Shulamit If you know they are lazy and you still want one then why make things harder on yourself? You know they will just pass up a shrew for a "nice" looking girl so why look like a shrew?
Elegance i never said i looked like one. the statement was supposed to be just a statement and personally i don't like the lazy ones. i ignore them because what I have learned from my friend's relationships is, if they are lazy in the beginning, guess what? you will be doing ALL of the work in the relationship throughout it and I, for one, won't do it. This is also why I like certain European men. They work for it... Now I am not saying a woman should be rude but what I have learned is the really nice women, get walked all over, a woman need to have a bit of a b*tch in her to avoid it. But you must know when and where to turn it on and off.
For instance I had this one friend who when a guy showed up a minute late for their date, she would be in her nightgown. She'd tell him that he was late and tell him to reschedule. This would make guys respect her. She's married now to a very well to do engineer. There is a fine line women have to walk. Always giving in is not the way to go. and being called a bitch in order to manipulate me to do what you want is definitely not cool to me. period. so i'll be single my whole life. so be it. I'd rather that then a life of constant hoop jumping
Woah. I felt the fire from the video. lol
I usually am down with Matthew's advice, but this really put me off.
A women who happens to not be smiling the random second you happen to pass her on the street is NOT a bitch. Bitch is what men call women when men don't get their way.
iHeartLove I def agree with you.
iHeartLove "Bitch is what men call women when men don't get their way." - Exactly!
Am I the only one to notice that when you go on a book tour and leave things, uh, unattended, Toni suddenly starts having a deep psychic connection with Matthew?
I just hope this doesn't degenerate into some Taiwanese Lady News Reader fracas.
#iCant with you Law. You are killing me..lol Law Wanxi Christelyn
Law Wanxi Christelyn LMFAO!
toni and matthew r giving me smiley guilt >.< lol
I dont usually Man-Crush...... but if I did..... geez..... Chris, you are killing me....
To each her own. Do you, ladies.
I really appreciated Toni's post a great deal, because she went into the psychology or history of genderism & gendered-racism that's involved in the "Smile, for me, them, alla us!" meme. The point of demanding this stepford like 'feel-good' behavior from women is to enforce that the purpose of your existence is to serve all others.
A few years ago I was standing in a line to get coffee, etc. & a guy walked up to say how evil & mean I looked & demand that I smile. So I turned to him & said, with a big, bright (very fake) smile "I'm having bad cramps today, do you have any Tylenol?" Should I have felt rejected & disrespected because he walked (okay ran) away w/o offering me what I needed most at that time, Tylenol?
I'm a life-loving person & I've never had a problem smiling at guys I'm interested in, but I'm not on the planet just to make every Tom, Dick & Jane's day at the expense of myself.
Again, to each his or her own. Well, not to each his own since we don't make these types of demands of men.
temple I'm with you on this one. But, I also think I've been treated badly by too many simpletons who took a smile to mean "hit on me aggressively" as if I'm asking for it.
The "girl, you need to smile line" is really just a way for men to have a reason to walk up to a woman they feel attracted to and start a conversation.
It gets on my nerves too.
temple bwahahahahaah. #dead.. like the scene from 'I'm gonna get you sucka" **CRAMPS!!!****
Shulamit What I noticed was the faces of the women (of various races) around me. Among the ones that I could see, most looked happy, vindicated. Like 'yeah, go somewhere with that crap early in the morning.'
Shulamit temple LOL, I just posted that scene.
temple I know how I feel when my cramps are particularly bad. He's lucky this didn't happen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYhyyuwuDHE
Toni_M temple now THIS is how a man should be. seriously **lala land** : http://youtu.be/4xLmxgd-AYs
Toni_M temple he wasn't worried abt rejection. he just went for it...
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