That Awkward Age: Nana and Sven’s Excellent Swirl Adventure

Doesn't bother me, but you should know some people get cross over the word "mulatto".

I agree.  It's never too late.  I think the folks who are considered "seniors" are generally less open to dating interracially.  I feel that everyone should do whatever makes them happy.  From what I can tell, my mom isn't open to dating at all; I can say with certainty that race really doesn't matter to her.  My dad dated interracially ever since I can remember. 

Amber:
Did your stepfather have children of his own before he married your mother?

I can deal with a younger man who already has children. Men have practically their whole lives to reproduce, so the question of having children is never really settled for them until they die.

No, he doesn't have biological kids, doesn't seem to want any. He spoils my kids so bad it's ridiculous! I don't think he plans on having any, as he's married to my mom who's not only older but has her tubes tied.

Amber T., Foorock! & Lostkitty,

As I'm reading your great conversation about dating younger men, I'm feeling a little inspired. I get hit on by hot young men all time and I just look at them and think; you are too young (I'm 35-years old) for me, so I don't even think about going there.

One of you mentioned that there is less baggage when dating younger men and I think that would be a plus, because the men in their thirties and so on, seem to be carrying way too much baggage for me to handle, at times. So, you know what? The next time I encounter a younger man (twenty something), I just might be inspired to go there now.

Lisa207:
Go for it. At 35, you are young enough to have children (if that is a desire) if you meet a younger man who is right for you. You still have time to get to know each other without feeling rushed. At 40, I feel like I'm trying to beat the clock and that is not a good feeling. Although it is not impossible to get pregnant after 40, it is much harder; I don't want that emotional stress, and I have accepted that I will never be a mother.

Ever since I reached my late 20s, I have been having a "problem" with younger white males being attracted to me. I really did consider it a problem, because I wanted marriage and a family with a man my age or older. I just never gave any of those younger men serious consideration. I would go out on a few dates for fun, then tell them to move on to younger women.

I see now that was a mistake; many of those younger men were already doing well in their professional lives, much better than the older men that I was considering. And most of the older men were divorced and bitter and did not take good care of their physical health. It should have occurred to me that any white man who is brave enough to want to be with a woman who is both black and older than he is probably worth serious consideration.

Hi again Lostkitty
Could it be that you're the one projecting your want of children onto your young hottie?. I sincerely hope you'll conquer your fears and let him know how you really feel. Nothing is guaranteed. As well, remember us humans are conditioned from birth to fit this schema: younger woman/older man (normal), older woman/same age or older man (normal). While I understand the intent here, I also haven't met any man my age or older who excites me to the point where I'd be willing to drop my knickers or on my knees. It's not just the sex though, with younger men. There's an honesty they love to communicate, in or out of the bedroom and I've truly experience they do that more freely with an older woman as we interact with confidence and less complexes. Some may interpret that as a "mother complex" thingie, but I cherish this.

Anyways, hope I've inspired you somewhat. Invite me to the wedding (although I won't set foot in any church, the reception's fine though!!)

PS: I don't get to practice my English too often here, only on the phone with family members or when I return Stateside. I avoid expats as I'm quite integrated into this society that I love and expats tend to be rather elitist wingers.

Thanks for the encouragement Foosrock!. When I get married, it will not be in a church! I freed myself from religion a long time ago.

When I was in college, I fantasized about moving to Switzerland. I knew an older white woman who claimed her son was married to a Swiss woman here in the US. She told me that the Swiss did not welcome foreigners and that foreigners were not allowed to become Swiss citizens no matter how long they lived there or whether they were married to a native Swiss. I believed it (those were pre-internet days). I see now that she just did not want a black woman going to Europe and getting a nice white guy. I bet she did not tell the same story to white girls who expressed an interest in moving to a European country.

You suggested that people should not shy away from international romance. But it is not easy to relocate to another country and find employment. That's why I am reluctant to try international dating. What if a person is not retired or financially independent? At my age, I still have a few decades of working ahead of me, unless I figure out a way to create enough wealth to retire early.

Hmmm, silly answer, methinks. What WOULD you do if you're online dating and you've met someone from out of State?. Although there's a lot of water to travel, you would make the effort, no?. Unless of course you're like some of the commenters here who prefer an American, bred/born. Then, excuse my suggestion.

PS: There was a time when to be an American meant, amongst many many things, challenging borders, seeking love whereever......

Elderly disabled parents keep me tied to here for next few years, that's all. Why set myself up for heartbreak, unrequited love.

unromantic? Just don't want to be foolish!

I was trying for both old in pic. Close as I could get w/o paying big $$$ to a stock service. I would guess those two were 20 yrs apart, but he might be prematurely gray and she has magic skin ;)

What I really liked was they seemed so very happy.

In the village (Dorf) where I live, there are at least three such couples, that I encounter often on my way to work, jogging or grocery shopping. The women are: 1 black American, 1 African (can't remember the Country she's from), 1 Afro-Dominican. All the men are Swiss. I would have made the 4th if not for my divorce.....

Nonetheless, may I ask why have you never married?. I can imagine how suspicious women react to a 50yr old never married man/woman. I know I would be weary. As well, you seem to be the exception to the rule of "older man, younger woman" in not wanting an huge age difference between yourself and possible partner. Perhaps you should adjust this?. I've had to do the same as, men my age, if single(divorced),are bitter and complicated, ie, not very flexible and communicative. So I've turned to younger men, who are ways more open, less afraid and communicative. Committment wise, so far, no, but who knows. I've got the stamina, am fit, fun and funky......(just thought I'd "sell" my attributes in case some youngin' is reading......)

I will attempt to answer your questions with my personal experience:

"Are middle-aged (or senior) singles more free to swirl?"
Does swirl mean: date interracially?. If so, well, I thought we're all free to do what we want to do, but can admit that getting older comes with less burden of societal pressures. Hence, yes.

"What are the barriers, or hang-ups, that might trip them up?"
Ooooooooo, tough one. I'd rather like to answer with: Be yourself. I know this isn't enough, but I truly have no answer for this question.

"Do the shy but loyal become hot commodities?"
YES YES AND YESSSSSS!!!. At least in my case. Beneath all that shyness is usually a very communicative/knowledgeable person. So sexy!. Never was attracted to those macho types, hence my preference for Nordic Europeans as oppose to the Southern ones (Italians, Spanish.....)

"Do playas become viagra junkies dirty old men as they age?"
I think so. Have also seen it. They still remain disgusting and they usually are very successful with either very young women(impressionable/gullible) or older women(those who are desperate).

"Does the possibility of an erection lasting longer than four hours scare you?"
Oh dear!.

"Do you think your parent, or older relatives, are open to IR?"
My mum's ways older than you, married twice. Twice widowed. She's "busy" with her church and travelling all over the globe where her children are scattered. All my siblings would be.

"Would you like to introduce me to your mom?"
Sure. She's more than 20yrs older than you though.....:-()

Alles Güte!

foosrock!:

Do you think the older BW woman/younger WM coupling has a real chance of leading to a successful marriage? I have not encountered any such pairings in real life.

For the past 2-1/2 years, I have been resisting a young man who is 12 years younger than I. I am in love with him but I deny that fact when he asks me. I encourage him to date younger women and keep me as a close friend. I want to get married so I don't want to date someone whom I cannot possibly marry at this stage in my life. He says he does not want children, but I think he will change his mind in a few years--he is just too handsome and brainy (has a pHd in chemistry) to not reproduce. I'm sure a sexy young woman will change his mind about fatherhood in a few years.

Hi lostkitty
Thanks for asking my opinion. I do believe and have
significant proof that it does work. Most recent
case in point an African-American friend of mine,
divorced, met her Dutch musician husband here in
Switzerland. She's 51yrs, he's 35yrs and really
gorgeous. tall blond God!. Seriously. So much so it hurts to look at
him. Well, so far (5yrs of marriage) he's loyal,
very much in love with her. She keeps him on his toes!
What I've seen and experience is that when a younger
man falls for an older woman, then he's really really
serious, is aware of all the "hurdles" and dare I say
"proud" to have "scored" such a "hot-commodity" ie, the
love, affection and attention of an older woman.

Go for it. Don't look back later and regret. Please!!!

Tina Turner and Erwin Bach. Google it,

Aw, that's cool. the only thing my mom's swirling is cream in her damn coffee (no, really, literally.lol)! Can't pay her to give IR a shot. My surviving aunt's second husband was white (too bad he turned out to be an a-hole). Oh well...guess I gotta change the game in my family and show 'em how REAL vetting is done *shrug*.

lol. yeah some people are just set in their ways of doing things. I just leave those types of people alone and try to be nice to them. I hear ya on the vetting thing. Still working on that myself.

Nana and Sven don't exist. :( I was trying with the names to suggest a Black grandma and an obviously white guy.

The picture is of two members of an international photography club, and is a detail from a group picture, so they aren't even a couple. The photo was taken in Kampala, Uganda, where she lives. He is a visitor from the U.S.

Not the story you were hoping for, but still kinda interesting.

Oh, I see... thanks for explaining.

You know, It was very hard to find an image of an older BW/WM couple. Most of the stock pics are ppl in their 20's, so I had to be creative.

Funny you say that, because several weeks ago, I watched the first 3 seasons of "Lost" back-to-back and there is an older couple on the show (WM/BW).  I believe their character names are Bernard & Rose.  They're too cute, and very in love.  Perhaps you could use their story or something like it in the future!

your story reminds me of this book I've read.

Adoption might be a good option for you and the wife. From what I know, if one partner is craving a family that includes children, he/she will seek it eventually. My uncle is in his 60s and has 7 kids with his younger 2nd wife...all are in their preteens, while another uncle of mine has no interest in biological ones and raised adopted kids with his wife who can't have children.

Does your wife want to have children?

No. She told me this before we were married, but I thought "all women want children, she'll come around." Well, she meant it. I can't say I wasn't warned. I guess kids are more important to some people than others.