Ode de la Femme Noire: One White Guy Tells Us Why He Loves Us

Ode de la Femme Noire: One White Guy Tells Us Why He Loves Us

A Cheerleader’s Profession of Love for Black Women

Author : Bill Drew ("Aabaakawad")

Author's Website | Articles from

Sometimes we need verbal massage. Some salve to soothe away feelings of rejection, make us feel pretty even in our rollers and fuzzy bunny slippers. And if you’re like me, you didn’t shower today, so…you’re in rollers, house shoes and you smell like soup. So I brought black-woman-lover Aaby (pronounced “AB” as in, *ABCDEFG…now I know my Aaby C’s!”)

I’ve been waiting for two soup-stinkin’ months for this, and he BETTER be glad I like it, because I don’t much appreciate CPT time, especially if the person using it is not “C!”

Aaby, just because you love us, doesn’t entitle you to privileges endemic to our culture.

Okay; I’ll shut up now. Wait! Like my fancy French in the title? Guess my gig at Madame Noire is giving me some Euro-class.

Alphabet Man, take the floor!

—————–
Aaby Aabaakawad

I am a bit moody. Hey, I’ve been diagnosed with having an Artistic Personality. Anyways, I have been promising Christelyn some essays for BB&W for [*gulp*] two months now, but have been stuck. Not stuck for ideas, but unable to express them both clearly and supportively.

Last week I entered the comment section for Dr. Young: Black Women & Asian Men Make Blasian-Hot Couples! feeling grumpy and ended up declaring self-righteously, “I am not a cheerleader.”

Yeah, I know. Not a good look. :-/

A few days later I realized, well, why not do a little cheerleading? What’s wrong with that? And I finally got insight into my writer’s block. I was coming at my essays as if I was in the middle of a long complicated conversation with you all (I’ve been working with this subject for a while now), yet most of you here don’t know me from Adam. So, starting properly, I shall explain in an essay (or two) how I feel, why BWIR is important to me, and perhaps show why you might be willing to trust me when I go to some of the deeper questions of interracial romance, a few essays down the line.

I am way more comfortable being analytical or humorous, but today I will present to you, a profession of my love for Black women:

She
slips, with cool, steps,
and warm, touch,
self placed lightly high.

Proud body,
fine limbs, smooth living skin,
confident against all cloth, or colors,
wrapped, draped, filling each circle.

Her hair,
firm, confident, and complex,
up, away, wind unfeared,
equal to life’s grapple.

Her voice,
wet or rough, still or motion full,
catches me, held by ear, kept,
in a dangling thrall.

She
knows, pain and joy,
underside and glory,
vibrating with citrus salty life.

Her soul
endures, and carries,
on the climb, pulling
love, through rocks and steam.

This is my personal story, only true for me. Some men may have come for opposite reasons. I will not explain why some, or even who, may love you. Just that I do. And that you are lovable.

I love the dark. I am not being facetious or metaphorical. I like being in dark places. I am pulled toward strong dark colors: rich wood tones, deep purples, ancient greens, the black between the stars.

I also love curves, as complex and baroque as can be imagined without getting lost. Lines and planes are for dividing and separating, not for defining living things.

I like trajectories and progressively changing motion. The dance of Nature, over the bound and excruciatingly simple movements of engineered things.

I listen up for the minor key, oversouled blue notes, and tripping wandering rhythms.

These personal aesthetics are more fundamental than my erotic sensibilities, and originated before sexual awareness or even conscious memory. But my feelings about living things, people, and especially my attraction to women, are built on these basic preferences.

So, perhaps you can see, without me laboriously connecting the dots for you, how this leads naturally to Black women.

Fortunately for me, there turned out to be more to appreciate as I grew. I am averse, sometimes unfairly, to the usual, the comfortable, and the conventional. Struggle is much more interesting, to me, than the playing out of triumph. By my nature, I deconstruct my world constantly. So, the pieces and people who don’t mesh with the main are assigned extra potential in my mind. I always want to know why.

A Black woman who is thriving is already heroic, and what she knows, whatever that might be in each woman’s case, is guaranteed to be interesting. I am not fetishizing suffering, honest. I am honoring insight. Insight happens to privileged people too, but it is rare for them, because (unless they have an extraordinary psychology) there just is no motivation to look beyond what is in their face.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

But hey, you are likely not really feeling these sprarkly generalizations, so let me break it down.

  • I love that a Black woman often has thoughts in contrast to the main.
  • I love that the eyes and teeth of a Black woman are prominent, by contrasting with her skin, so every expression revealed.
  • I love that each motion through space by most fit Black women evoke the impression of graceful dancing.
  • I love that when a Black woman speaks, the sounds of her words have shape and color.
  • I love that veins, capillaries, and subdural fat do not define a Black woman’s skin tone, but instead the actual color of the skin itself.
  • I love that Black hair is substantial and elastic, and claims space for itself.
  • I love that there are no colors a Black woman can not wear.
  • I love the leggy look, and the butt that says “I’m here, deal with it.”
  • I love that Black women are sensual in the original meaning of the word, as in enjoying experience through her senses. Think food, dance, color, texture, music, touch, man-watching (ain’t nothin’ wrong w’ that).
  • I love that those Black women who indulge in thinking are daring, analytical, and not self-serving.

Wishing you all progress.

— Aaby

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jordana 7 pts

I have nothing against the writer, however BW why do we always need validation from a non-black man, any man ? Are we not complete and sufficient in ourselves ? I do not believe that any other race of woman regardless of her ethnicity is better than me. I LOVE myself. I do not need or want validation from any man but my own if need be. BW STOP craving comments from WM, WE ARE QUEENS within ourselves ! Look at yourself and love yourself and please stop judging yourselves by Latino, white and Asian women, God made all of us, different but equal and beautiful within our own spectrum.

Aabaakawad 1194 pts moderator

jordana said "BW why do we always need validation from a non-black man, any man?"

Women in general crave compliments from men, period. And women in general deserve them. Men, in their own ways, seek validation from women too. Certainly, we must love ourselves most of all, but deciding to forgo the natural support we all should be able to expect is not so much a sign of strength but a sign of resignation to an unnatural situation.

Black women have done practically everything they could possibly do to be appreciated by Black men, and the response typically ranges from tepid to hostile. To be honest, they are not on radar of many non-Black men, but some of us are enthusiastic fans. I see nothing wrong with getting it where they can find it.

jordana has several posts on BB&W, all following the same pattern. She is a concern troll, meaning, in the guise of supporting BW, she finds a way to belittle a main purpose of BB&W, BW opening up to all men.

My latest conversation: ForumPress

 jordana I hate that SOME Black women can never be pleased.  Love yourself of course, but do not put down a BEAUTIFUL compliment.  Especially one that is sincere and poetic.  It is feminine and truly womanly to graciously except a compliment. 

Brenda55 19621 pts moderator

 jordana Another escapee from Black Loveville.  What a sourpuss. 

 

OH pipe down with all of your silly rules. A complement is a complement and is not any more valuable coming from a black man or any less valuable coming from a non-black man. And I will check out what other races of women on the planet are doing just as they are checking our what  black women are doing.  We all have much to learn from each other. 

I'm not as poetic as Mr. Aabaakawad, but I'll add a few things to the list.

--The way when you give a Black woman the smallest compliment, when they know it's sincere and you're not saying it just to get into their pants, they get so giddy and break out into that radiant involuntary smile.

--That when they take care of themselves their bodies are absolutely bangin, all lips and hips and curves. Add to this that when they take care of themselves they age better than any other ethnic group. Tina Turner was still smokin' in her mid-60s.

--Lower-middle class and higher Black women can throw down in the kitchen. They know simple recipes with fresh ingredients honestly prepared make the best food. Plus the way they get so interested when you talk about cooking Italian, reveling in the tales of garlic and olive oil and scamootz (fresh mozzarella) and red gravy. Yes, lots of white women can cook, but those stereotypes about Becky who can only microwave Lean Cusine and Peggy Mae Sue who can only make tuna noodle casserole are true.

--That you can tell they're interested by their speech and conversation and you don't have to play head games about whether they are into you or not.

--I have to go there. The skin contrast when the two of you are pressed together. There's no hotter visual than a white man's hands on a Black woman's body. There isn't. Yes, those hands have been mine.

Thank you Aaby and Kevin! WOW you guys woke up a feeling and emotion that I thought was ruined, broken and destroyed. It's hot in here! I needed to hear and read this! Beautiful I am!

I have often felt for me to turn the other cheek (so to speak). That
I would have done an injustice to the Black Man. But for myself i live in a pre-white area and i don't think the WM here are quiet there yet.
My friends and i have openly discussed dating outside and 2 would entertain it.

Thank you Christelyn! Thank you Aabaakawad! Thank you Kevin!

I needed that!

Peace

Aabaaak, that was awesome, lots of favorite, here are some of mine:

* I love that a Black woman often has thoughts in contrast to the main.
* I love that the eyes and teeth of a Black woman are prominent, by contrasting with her skin, so every expression revealed.
* I love that each motion through space by most fit Black women evoke the impression of graceful dancing.
* I love that when a Black woman speaks, the sounds of her words have shape and color.
* I love that Black hair is substantial and elastic, and claims space for itself.
* I love that there are no colors a Black woman can not wear.
* I love that those Black women who indulge in thinking are daring, analytical, and not self-serving.

This is some really good stuff. Yes, indeed. I love it!

I have to imagine that almost all of the readers of this blog are black women, so I appreciate that so many white (or, non-black men, if you prefer, although it seems as if these guys commenting are white) men took the time to comment. It really feels great to read these comments. I savor those words. What woman, no matter how strong she is, no matter how business-like she is, doesn't feel her her melt a little when people are saying nice things about her?

Particularly from these men. A man's world is different from ours; a white man's world is even more so, and many times it is a mystery to us as to just what is going on over there. So, thanks for pulling the curtain back a little bit.

"feel her heart melt a little" is what that should be.

I am typing too fast and not checking enough afterward.

Wow, who knew?? I think that more WM are starting to be more open about liking BW and that is great. Years ago I had to guess whether or not that was the case and during my formative years, dating a WM was like some undercover operation where you get your friends to relay messages between you and the guy. I'm so glad that times have changed. Thanks to the guys who posted their thoughts. Affirmation is always great to hear even if it is from the most unlikeliest of places.

to paraphrase the poet, black women contain multitudes. And I love those multitudes.

Too simple for you? Actually, it's noot that simple. The reasons I'm crazy for you dusky jewels vary from woman to woman, but it always comes back to a powerful and undeniable attraction I have for the beauty and intelligence of the dark opposite sex.

I am really feeling good about myself, thanks guys. The women you love are fortunate to have you. You know I know I'm fabulous but it's always nice to hear someone else say it LOL.

Aaby and Tony aren't the only two white guys in the country that like black women. I'm another one. I went with a black woman in grad school and we wanted to get married. Both sets of parents were VERY much against the idea. It was a different era. I missed my chance and still regret it to this day.

What do I like about black women? The question should be "What's NOT to like? Beautiful brown skin, curly hair, deep, dark brown eyes a guy can dream about and never forget---and admittedly, a sweet round bottom, like you seldom see on white women. I'm told that 22% of black men are married to white women. Don't they realize what they have in their own back yard? Trouble is today so many BW still only want BM. White men who know this are a bit hesitant to approach them. We have feelings too and don't like to be embarrassed. It's not just sex or a fetish. It's something else,
something a guy can't really put his finder on. It's a feeling. You see her and your heart starts beating faster.

I frequent Eve Sharon Moore's Black Female Interracial Marriage blog and we email each other often. I told her my story and she says "regret" is a word she hears from a lot of white men who had a black girlfriend in the past. She's a trailblazer in interracial relations and I've learned a lot from her.

But I told her a story about something that happened to me last year at Christmas time. I think I'll pass it on to you. I was in Barnes & Noble and they had three swimsuit calendars featuring BW. I decided to Buy the Jet Beauty of the Week Calendar 2010. As I was leaving the book store I overheard one of the white female clerks say "Humph. The only calendars we've sold out of is the three BW calendars. And there hasn't been a Black man who bought one yet!" She was very put out about it. That should show you girl that a lot of WM like BW.

I guess it's just been the last few years that we WM could say that. Long overdue!!!!

JJinPA

I remember Eve posting her communication with you, so I remember that comment about Jet magazine. I never knew there was much taboo about white men and black women dating, mostly because I grew up in different countries and know in Europe, even Canada.....racial stigma isn't as strong. In fact, most African women tend to date other men if there are no viable African men (culturally we have a whole list of what is acceptable). So, its great that my fellow sisters in the State are waking up to what serves them best beyond any racial barriers.

I think a big reason BW and WM are not "getting together" is because of the old master/slave stigma. Most people say the BW was the
WM's lover because of force. But there were undoubtedly quite a few instances when the
BW and WM were simply attracted to each other and did what came naturally. Anyway, WM should go ahead and step up to the plate. WW have learned to do this and we all know how that has worked out.

Sorry, should have been "That my girl is always trying to do all these little things for me, and I have to stop her and tell her I can take of myself. She is always trying to make my way through this world easier."

That's beauteous, Kevin! Keep it coming, Rainbow men! Massage away! I've showered and everything!

Just where are these crazy-in-love white men hanging out? Because I need to go there, like right now.

When you find out where they are Honi in DC let a sista know!!

Honi in D.C., I found mine at a bar in Petworth 4 years ago. They're all over D.C. Trust...

I love:

That my girl is always trying to do all these little things for me, and I haave to stoop and tell her I can take of myself. She is always trying to make my way through this world easier.

That she really believes that horoscopes mean something.

That she yells out my name when I take her to that specoal place when we make love.

That she's smarter than me, but she doesn't think she is.

That her hair is natural and kinky.

That she wants to marry me and have my baby.

That she is a god-awful driver, but believes she is a better driver than everyone else.

I had the same concerns as Amber's DH up until a year ago. And it is sad. Also, my life experience has been that often the men who are best at sweet talking women are the most manipulating, which certainly is crazy-making for the women. So I rarely indulged, thinking that refraining was in some sense more honorable.

I was rather apprehensive about this, so I am very glad it's going over well. Also, it's great that it is bringing out the male lurkers. They have been scarce lately.

I actually just wrote this poem to get access to Christelyn's back-end, and it worked! (The "back-end" is the administration dashboard of a wordpress blog.) Chris, you can pronounce my name any way you want (Say my name! Say my name!), but it's actually "AH·bee":

Aabaakawad is Anishinaabemowin (Ojibwe/Chippewa), and is pronounced "AH·BAH·kuh·wud". It means "The storm clears off." or "The sky revives.", often used as a metaphor for recovering health or renewal. Despite all this, I am only 1/32 Ojibwe.

...and I thought black folks were the only peeps with names I couldn't pronounce...BWAH!

You know, I would like that the ladies here address "swagger" as it's maschimos at it's worse and I agree that too many (black, especially) women seem to be turned on by this, enhancing it as masculinity, therefore reading it as "real men". Any other thoughts on this?.

That's an interesting topic foosrocki. "Swagger" or maschismo is not just prominent in male/female courting, but also in nature. Where do you think references like "walking around like a peacock" or "cock fight" come from? The male sexual drive and goal to "spread their seed" with as many women dictates that they must do what is necessary to attract female attention.

That said, I believe "swagger" in the black community has become a substitute for manliness, and a HUGE contributor to that is our fatherless problem. Boys have virtually no example of what a good and responsible black man looks like if all their male role models come off rap videos and sports games.

Forget the poetry, give me a guy just like Tony! OMG!

That is my kind of man...

DAYUM! I know he knows how to treat a sister.

LOL Tony's taken, but there's a lot more out there like him just waiting for us to swoop them up!

Aww! This was so sweet! I'm loving this positive tribute.

DH told me, not as poetically as Aaby, the other day that my blackness is beautiful. We've been married almost 6 years and he felt uncertain about if that was "OK" or not, by some PC standards. SMDH, this smear campaign of fetishism against men who prefer us is just... sad. I'm glad to see some of that is changing, and I hope more men will chime in with their feelings.

A lot of black women are actually pretty quiet (the ones I go for) and they have that sort of wild shyness that just knocks me out.

Off Topic: I LOVE the new look of your site!

Thanks! Still gotta get the kinks out, but I'm really liking the new digs!

You're definitely an artist Aaby. I loved this ode to black womanhood. It made me feel very sensual and desirous, not at all exploited or vulgar. I'm looking forward to reading your other posts.

Love the new theme, Christelyn!

I’m sitting here waiting for my girlfriend’s plane to land, so this is goood timing. I’m nowhere near as lyrical as the guy that did this post, but let me see if I can knock out the big things that I love about my black beauty.

1. Despite all the ridiculous crap (and she’s been through some really lousy stuff) she has been through, she never complains and she’s almost always upbeat. I feel happier just being around her.
2. I don’t worry about her hooking up with someone else, ever. I’ve never felt like that with a woman before. I feel like she wouldn’t betray me like that – maybe I’m fooling myself on that, but that’s the way she makes me feel. She seems to be fiercely loyal to me, like she loves me almost desperately.
3. Those deep brown eyes I get lost in, those beautiful white teeth, and, of course, that dark chocolate skin. It’s not just the color, it’s the soft, smooth texture of it.
4. Nipples like pencil erasers, big and hard and so sensitive.
5. That big, beautiful ass that does something to the wiring in my brain that still is perplexing to me – I just cannot stay away from it.
6. Her genuine concern for others, and her real empathy for other people.
7. The passion she has for me, and everything about me. It’s a good thing I am a big, strong guy.
8. The way she cries while watching sappy movies.
9. Her delight when I buy her any sort of gift.
10. Her exquisite and elegant manners, which she displays without ever embarassing others that are missing same.

Jesus, I love that woman so much that sometimes I think that I will just disappear.

Whew! Did it just get hot in here, or is it just me? Anyone? Anyone? Lawdy...

Very hot, I'm feeling like a case of the vapors is coming on.

All I can say is, that is one lucky sister and I'm happy for her. May we all find someone that loves us like that. Maybe just like that, LOL.

Hot in not the word! Blazing is more like it.

This is a man who love his black woman! I bet it's like a four-alarm fire in their bedroom. This my kind of man.

Once had such passion, but threw it all away because I was young, thought I was such a hot commodity (at the time I was, and other issues that were mostly mine!). I love reading, hearing about men who feel this way. Soooo freaking hot!. Never told my ex I regretted leaving, he has moved on and so have I. Thank you for sharing.

PS: Aaby, what a lovely poem. Men like yourself are the most passionate, honest, take it from "an old biddy", ladies. Grab him, before some other lucky woman does.

god, that's so beautiful. She's lucky to have you and you, her. Wishing you both all the best

...and yes Christelyn it is QUITE hot. all I cna say is Mmmmmm! :)

aawwww, that was so beautiful, I felt like I was privy to something so personal. Best of luck in your life journey with her.

wow!!!! That was truly sizzling AB. I especially love this line "I love that those Black women who indulge in thinking are daring, analytical, and not self-serving."

This made me blush (if at all possible lol).

You are such a sweetheart my darling. Your words make me feel beautiful and I thank you deeply. Sweet dreams sweety.

OOOO....Aaby and Brown Gem sittin' in a tree...:)

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  1. [...] Ode De La Femme Noire: One White Guy Tells Us Why He Loves Us Sometimes we need verbal massage. Some salve to soothe away feelings of rejection, make us feel pretty even in our rollers and fuzzy bunny slippers. And if you’re like me, you didn’t shower today, so…you’re in rollers, house shoes and you smell like soup. So (Read more …) [...]