One Black Mother’s Heartbreaking Story of Raising Her Son Amongst a Nest of Miscreants Intent on His Ruination

little black boy

When I read this very personal account from Breukelen Bleu, the founder of the Black Woman Think Tank, I knew I had to share it. So much of the criticism of single mothers raising black sons focuses on blaming the MOTHER for all the negatives. She and she alone is to blame if her son is somehow dysfunctional for fails in some way. Nothing, I mean, NOTHING shines a light on how all the diseased-minded men in the neighborhood try their best to force good boys to be in the muck like them. This isn’t the first account I’ve heard; a dear friend of mine once told me had had to fight gang bangers EVERY DAY just to go to school. They were trying to FORCE him into a life of crime and an express ticket into a coffin.

If we are going to make any changes, we’re going to have to be honest about the truly startling amount of black people (both male and female) who are HELLBENT and DETERMINED to see that the children of their community will not rise above their station. The INTENTIONAL SABOTAGE by these evil doers cannot be ignored.

This is Breukelen Bleu’s story:

My son left today for the summer. He will be attending two very prestigious summer programs, one of which will allow him to travel abroad. He was nervous yesterday and this morning, and that caused him to talk a lot and have a cloudy mind. He’s been emotional and moody the past few weeks, and this week was especially hard for him, because its the 3 year anniversary of an attack he endured on his way home from school in 2011. In broad daylight, he was attacked by three older black males, whom he didn’t know or had never seen before. Just steps from our front door, he was “jumped’, beaten, pistol whipped, and robbed for 3 dollars. The cops said he simply made eye contact with the wrong dude, and in a second, his life was forever changed. Trying to make a 14 year old understand, how the day after his 8th grade graduation (which just the night before he declared had been the “best day of his life”), he could be coming home from school…at 2pm on as sunny, warm June afternoon… in full school uniform and backpack… minding his business… about to enter the building that he lived in – and seconds later, he is being beaten into a bloody pulp… by three men who look just like him… for having done nothing more than be black and male… on the wrong corner… at the wrong time – has proven quite daunting. Twenty-two hours in the emergency room, testing of hearing and vision to makes sure there was no permanent damage, blood that had pooled in his lobe being manually aspirated from his ear (which has swelled to almost triple its size), bruised ribs, an eye swollen shut, lacerations on head and neck, blood stained clothes, and the fear and psychological shock, of being a nerdy kid with glasses, attacked without reason on the last day of school – will change anyone.

And change my son, it did.

…………….

It took me a minute to realize what has been going on with my boy the past few weeks. He was getting on my nerves really bad the past few days, and it finally hit me that he gets like this every June – and the closer we get to the end of the school year, the more anxious, moody, emotional and combative he gets. It finally hit me that it was his fears and memories about that event, that was causing the changes to his personality. Yesterday he was very emotional and moody, and was really testing my patience. But rather than follow my first instinct to get angry, I decided to ask him what was really going on with him. After some prodding, he finally let it all go, and started crying, saying he was afraid of not fitting in at this Summer Program he will be attending, scared that the kids wouldn’t like him (which was completely the PTSD that he now has, talking, because he always fits in well at these things – especially those programs where most of the students are not black). He was also very fearful that he would have to ‘fight’ if someone ‘tested him’ because they didn’t like him. I was sooo sad for him, but I didn’t show it. I kept my head, managed my emotions, and reminded him, in a compassionate but stern manner, about what I had previously taught him about ECOSYSTEMS –  and how the mindsets, behaviors and rationale of one Ecosystem, doesn’t usually carry over to the next.  I explained, that the higher up you go in the food chain, the less you are likely to encounter the base responses and behaviors of the Ecosystem, below it. I told him that where he is going, the kids are not acculturated to settle every dispute physically, and that these children’s parents paid close to 5k for them to attend this program.

“Believe me”, I said. “They are not the ‘fighting’ type.”

Growing up around ni@ggas ( …yes I said N@GGAS) has really affected my son. My hope is that as he matures into a man, he will find some benefit from having endured these trials. While the attack itself was something no one should ever have to experience,  learning to survive and navigate an inner city urban environment, could possibly help to positively mold him by cultivating an inner strength that he simply has yet to grown into, or recognize. Its not the ideal way to teach strength and nurture resilience in a person, but its all my son has to pull from, until a permanent change in Ecosystem allows other paths to character building – paths that I am placing him on the road to, now.

But at this this time in his life, as an awkward, geeky 17 year old, these experiences continue to haunt him and have shaped him into a fragile, insecure, nervous young man. I cannot wait until I can send him off to college, and he doesn’t have to deal with all that angst, fear and anxiety that living in NYC brings him. I am quite sure, that my son will move out of NY and never return (to live). He hates living here; well…he hates living in Blackistan, anyway. He likes Manhattan and the nicer areas of Brooklyn, but he hates any predominantly black areas, because all the noise, offensive language, low brow behavior, raised voices, threats of potential violence and basic lack of respect for other people, is simply too much for him. And while he grew up primarily in gentrifying Fort Greene, and now resides in a rapidly gentrifying Bed Stuy, he still must negotiate the realities of Blackistan, in his day-to-day comings and goings. Being in all-black urban environments, reminds him of where his Personhood and Sense-of-Self was violated, and makes him hate the entire experience of living in an urban environment. He does not share my love for The City, and I don’t begrudge him that. And within the next year, he will be leaving to find the greener pastures, in places where his senses are not always bombarded with over stimulation, and where his mind, confidence and sense of security in the world, is not always being threatened by those who share the skin he’s in.

For my son, all skin folk not being kinfolk is not a cliché. Its an lived experience.

The people who critique my message and share my posts on their own pages so they can dismiss what I say as ‘crazy’, ‘feminist’, ‘man-hating’ or ‘self hating’. If I can write some of the stuff I write, it must be the ravings of some jaded, black male-hating-black woman with a chip on her shoulder. But what those people don’t realize…what they have no idea of, is that what I write about and suggest as solutions to what ails black women, comes from a place of Wisdom born out of love for Black Womanhood, love for Black Motherhood, and love for my black male child. The latter… love for my son…is so strong, that I am forced to admit that if left unchecked, he would destroy himself, his community, and any black woman he would come into contact with, simply because he is black and male and the world around him compels him to do so. I am honest enough to admit, that my love as a Mother, is not enough to take on the forces of the outside world; hip hop culture, hook up culture, rape culture, black male conditionings and expectations, black patriarchy, victimhood, racism and black religious hypocrisy and fake morality…all working over time, to destroy my child and make him complicit in the collusion and conspiracy against himself, his community, and most importantly, the likeness and image of his OWN Mother.

……………

He was very upset the other day, after he went to get his hair cut at the new shop his father is cutting hair at; a shop his father moved to recently, which is only a few blocks away from the old one… but is more ‘hood’ then where he worked before. This shop has “thug” barbers working there – a completely different element than my son is comfortable associating with. My son came home upset that afternoon, because one of the barbers at the new spot, was trying to ‘school’ him on life, by talking about sex in the most vulgar and offensive ways, out loud, in front of the women and children customers who were waiting to get serviced. My son said he was extremely uncomfortable, as this man talked about porn that depicted female domination, choking, gagging and being sexually violent to black women. Using the imagery of degradation and aggression towards The Black Female Body as instruction material on the ins and outs of ‘dating’, this man proceeded to talk to my child…a boy of only 17…like was a seasoned veteran in the porn industry.  This stranger – an adult black male – took it upon himself to offer unsolicited ‘mentoring’ and advice, to my child and proceeded to fill his head with the most vile and violent images, all in the name of ‘teaching’ him how to ‘be a man’ and “deal with women”. His father, (whom he only sees on weekly visits to the barber shop for a hair cut) of course, was completely oblivious, cutting hair a few stations away and having no idea that my son was being subjected to that type of mental assault.  My son’s father is not a thug.  But like most black men, he too seems to feel compelled by peer pressure, at times, to conform to black male pathological expectations. I cannot say for sure, that had he realized what was going on, he would have done anything to stop it.

My son was hurt by this experience, and called me as soon as he left to tell me he is never going back to that barber shop again. He doesn’t want to be around that, and he doesn’t want to be around a father who would choose such an environment, in which to earn a living. Of course, I agreed. In the future, if his father wants to spend time with him, he will do what he should have already been doing, and create a space for that to happen, outside of when its most convenient for him. But that’s another discussion.

…………

Black men who want to blame black mothers for everything that is wrong with black males, refuse to admit  that black children are not solely the product of their home environments. A huge portion of black male conditioning, are influences they is forced assimilate; pathologies they is forced to adopt – by the black male collective. So much of the negative behaviors that black boys and young males get into, is encouraged by other black males in their vicinities. The dude doesn’t have to live with him. He doesn’t even have to know the child. My son had never seen that man before, and yet he was traumatized by that experience with him. A lot of what turns black males bad (asides from tainted DNA, traumatized sperm, low breeding, poor education, struggling or uneducated mothers who coddle bullshit behavior in them, no mentors and absent fathers) are the things they experience and learn from the average black male in their communities. As soon as puberty hits, they begin to understand the expectations of manhood in The Black Community, and even the most loving, gentlest boy will feel compelled to try to prove himself – or at the least…protect himself, by assimilating the mannerisms, speech, ideas and behaviors of the larger dysfunctional black male culture. After my son was attacked, the greatest fear expressed by the police, was not another attack, but rather that my son would now want to join a gang, in order to protect himself from the vulnerability of being by himself. I’ve watched my son struggle with black male cultural  expectations for several years now, and I know that no matter how much I have tried to protect him, the experiences he has had with most black males has harmed him and made him question the value of himself as a man and as a black person. And I know in my heart, that my son will only fully come to appreciate and embrace a healthy identity as a Black Man, when he is securely outside The Black Community! The only thing The Black Community has offered my son, is a long list of reasons why he should hate me, hate It and hate himself.

One of the things that made me realize, that I had to change my view of the world, was the realization after my sons attack, that every single black male I told the story to, brushed my son’s brutal assault off as ‘part of being a black man’. They all seemed to see this event in my sons life, as some sort of INITIATION into Black Manhood. Even those black males who were now professionals or had become relatively successful in their lives, took the attitude of nonchalance, when I retold my sons experience to them. For them, this was simply “what being a Black Man is about’. In that moment, I realized, that for most black men, the first assault against their personhood and manhood, does not come from a white police officer, racist teacher or biased store owner. It came from other black males, who use violence, intimidation, and pain, to bring each other into the fold. It was then, that I realized, that I could no longer align myself with the collective interests of Black Men. Mine, would a path forged on a mission to protect me and my one black male child. This realization was the game changer for me. So if anyone is to blame for solidifying my departure from being the “Race Woman” I once was, it is black male pathology, itself, that all but PUSHED me out the door, when it decided to use my child as yet another offering the god of Dysfunction and Pathology, that it seems to worship and love.

…………….

My choosing to have a child with a man like my son’s father was the biggest mistake I have (or will ever) make in my life. Choosing a man who could provide neither the mental, nor financial protection black male children need, was a dishonor to my bloodline and to my womb. Raising my child in an environment, that has kept his personal safety and peace of mind in jeopardy, was unfair and dangerous. Believing that my love, as a woman and Mother, would be enough to shield my son from all that seeks to compromise him, was arrogant and presumptuous. But unlike most black women, who are too ashamed, proud or defiant, to admit that most of the negative experiences that they and their children endure, is directly tied to having mated with an unworthy, breeder caste, low pedigree male…and that having raised their children in unsafe, volatile and negative communities, has caused most of the dysfunction, despair and death that their children are victim to…I can say without a doubt, that my decisions and choices along the way, have impacted my sons life in ways that I, as a female, cannot and will not ever fully understand. And I can honestly say, that in the end, its is not only my love and input as a Mother that has shaped and informed who my son will become… but it is also those other forces, that I had not prepared for…had not considered when I was making the decision to become his Mother, which have left an indelible print on my son’s mind and soul. And I can stand in the Truth of that admittance, without shame and without guilt, by simply acknowledging it, and dealing with it the best ways I can.

Contrary to what some Single Black Mothers are saying, I can admit, that…“Yes, my son was the result of poor decision making, no planning and bad choices!”

There. I said it. And I am no more diminished as a Woman, as a Person, and as a Mother, for having done so. We all make mistakes. This one, was one of mine. I’m human. To me, the bigger mistake is to deny the first one, and then continue to make them over and over and over again, adding more dysfunction to the lives of more children, my self and the overall black community.

To me, one of the greatest ways I offer restitution to my child and my Womanhood, is to accept, that despite my love for my black male child, the overwhelming majority of black males are worthless to Black Womanhood and harmful to black children – and need to be avoided at all costs. People will accuse me of dishonoring my own child with my message. But I am showing him the greatest honor I can, which is to tell the truth, so that he can carve out a different path for himself and represent my bloodline in a way that helps to redeem Black Manhood, and Black Motherhood.

I feel just as sentimental about my child as the next woman, but my love for him includes a predetermined decision, that I will cut him the fuck off, before I allow him to disgrace my name or gamble all that I have sacrificed, in this one little life of mine. I will not allow him to taint or contaminate another black woman’s child with negative influence and harmful information. I will not allow him to denigrate the image of Black Womanhood, play power games with the women who will someday love him, sell drugs in his own community, violate the body or sexuality of another woman’s child, abuse or neglect children he co-creates, or condone his abandonment of his duty to be an upstanding Man; either by direct encouragement of pathology, or silence in the face of it. To me, that is what the true Mother Principle is. That is what true love of my Creation is.

To love him so much, that I would never allow him to disrespect the Source of his Being – which is Me and the image of Me. And I will teach him to recognize that those who represent the side of the Black Masculine Archetype, which is bent on the destruction of the minds, hearts, futures, communities and lives of other Black People, are the ENEMY of black women and black children,  and Black Manhood, and need to be left behind with the rest of Blackistan. I will make it clear, to him and anyone else, that NO, I will not sacrifice my bloodline, for them. I don’t care if they are black. And I don’t care about the reasons why they are damaged and wretched. My caring about all of that, stopped the day 3 of Them, beat my child within an inch of his life, on a street corner in Brooklyn.

For me, that is what real “Motherly Love’ is about – caring about me and mine, first. And while I offer a general caring and love to the children of other women, I will not allow another woman’s untrained, uncared for, savage minded child, to devour my child in the name of ‘solidarity’.  I’m not The One. And I will see every one of those muthaf@ckas, burn in hell, before I offer up what I birthed to be sacrificed on the altar of black pathology and self hatred. I am no Madonna. Think of me more as Kali Ma.

All this other fluff…this ‘unconditional love’ mess that Hallmark cards promote to get peoples money, and The Black Community insist is what black women must offer black people, is just another way of making black women The Sacrifice to her own children, to The Black Male Collective and to Blackistan; devoured by the very Beings she gives life to. I will send out a message to every black woman willing to listen to me, to RUN! And don’t look back! just I am doing in my own life. I will see Blackistan burned to the ground before I allow The Black Male Pathological Conditioning to infect and contaminate my offspring the way it does to so many other black women’s children.

And I will disown, cut off, and if necessary, put my own son in the ground, before I allow him to denigrate and disrespect my image or the Archetype of Black Womanhood. To allow him to dishonor is mother, is high treason and should be approached as such. Anything less is admitting to the world, that he is worth noting, because he comes from nothing (Me). And that is not something I will allow my son to believe – ever.  I’d see him gone, before I’d see him embrace THAT belief, and share it with the world.  I’d see him gone.

This is my idea of True Motherly Love. Loving my child, through Loving and honoring myself and teaching him to respect himself, by COMMANDING a reverence of his Mother. He is a reflection of Me.  If I am nothing, then HE is nothing. Knowing this, is an ancient understanding that goes back to the beginnings of time and the beginnings of Black People. In the end, he will always know, that while he doesn’t have to love me, he damn sure will respect me or he will feel the wrath of any Creator whose own Creation engages in treachery. Light workers can sit happily and accept a punishing Father God, who will smite the whole lot of them, for disrespecting HIM and dishonoring His power.

Well, my Higher Power is represented by the Divine Feminine, The Mother Principal, and She more than ANY OTHER, has the right to undo what she has made, once a grievous violation has occurred. She gives and nurtures life…and she can take it all away.

How many of you are ready for THAT kind of Motherhood…that kind of Womanhood?

There is a difference between having birthed some children…and being a Warrior Mother Goddess.

I know which one I seek to embody. Which one are you?

– Breukelen Bleu ©

 

71 comments
MissFLondon
MissFLondon

The police got one thing wrong; No her son didn't make eye contact with the wrong person - they saw him from a mile away with his happy, successful, My-Mummy-Loves-Me spring in his step, his air of easy success and his well meaning demeanor. And deciding that the thug life has beaten all 5 of these things out of them, they decided to teach him a lesson for being so free with himself.  I have myself quite often experienced a less violence and vicious form of self regulation by damaged Blacks and this is what this is. Clearly this writer is going to fight to the death for her son to be normal, yes I said it, normal and she will not fail. I love that she is vengeful and angry, as that is the only way to deal with this scum. You try keeping to yourself, but they will come and find you. All the time, every time.


I hope that this does not lead to self hatred in any way for the young man. It breaks my heart that there are young men roaming the streets with PTSD, looking to inflict it on others. It makes me more upset that I simply have stopped caring about most of them and want to keep others like myself safe and out of harm's way. Some cannot be helped - those boys are a good example.


For the love of God, the woman's child was attacked by a pack of wild dogs!!!! What does single motherhood have to do with this incident???? If anything, she ought to be glad that she has no man at home. Every man I know, white Black, good, bad, would have done something reckless and those nihilistic animals have a gun and are just looking for someone upon whom to use it!!!! I understand that day to day, your single motherhood is not ideal, but do understand that there is nothing that could have been done about this. This incident just stands alone.



MelanieVictoria
MelanieVictoria

I didn't care for the last few paragraphs (I thought they were a bit extreme) but the rest of the article was filled with a passion that commands respect. Breukelen Bleu should be commended for her clear thinking and honesty. It is heart wrenching to look at your own people in such a light and to do so as articulately as she did was breathtaking. However, it is only with honesty and courage that we as a people can move forward. We need less Race People and more people who prize honesty, clear-thinking, dignity, compassion, integrity and respect above all else.

Lala88
Lala88

This...

"To me, one of the greatest ways I offer restitution to my child and my Womanhood, is to accept, that despite my love for my black male child, the overwhelming majority of black males are worthless to Black Womanhood and harmful to black children – and need to be avoided at all costs. People will accuse me of dishonoring my own child with my message. But I am showing him the greatest honor I can, which is to tell the truth, so that he can carve out a different path for himself and represent my bloodline in a way that helps to redeem Black Manhood, and Black Motherhood."

And this...

" I will stand my belief, that 90% of the struggle and disappointment that Black Women endure, is self afflicted. Part of being a "empowered' woman, is accepting YOUR role in everything that happens in your life. Its no secret that black men are more likely to walk away from their children and less likely to marry their children's mothers. How much longer do BW have to witness and experience this, before their choices begin to align with that reality? At what point does it stop being about 'dead beat fathers' and start being about 'obstinate mothers'? At what point do black women admit, that OUR decision to have children with black men, is ultimately the SOURCE of all of this mess? Accepting the truth is part of being a RESPONSIBLE WOMAN. "

PREACH PREACH PREACH, you said everything I'm starting to feel about blackistan. My God if we could pull together all of the women who think think like us into one tribe my goodness the advancements that would happen! Thank you for your beautiful honesty.

Brenda55
Brenda55 moderator

Annnnnnnd they're off.  You knew it just had to be a matter of time.

SavageTango
SavageTango

Unfortunately I have heard similar stories many times before.  Several acquaintances of mine have expressed how difficult it is trying to stay one step ahead of the influences they know their children, specifically their sons, are going to be exposed to.  I don't have kids of my own but I can't help but notice how frustrated and flat out exhausted these Ladies are while trying to do what they know needs to be done.  I find myself greatly admiring the strength, dedication and sacrifice they make but at the same time feel bad knowing the struggle they face on a regular basis. 

Breukelen Bleu
Breukelen Bleu

I appreciate everyone's commentary on my article. Just to elaborate on a few things...

- My son HAS had counseling for his PTSD.

- I, personally, do NOT come from a single parent household. My parents were married for 40 years.

- I am college educated. My entire family is college educated.  The choices I made were not based on having been raised with no options. I knew better.  I was raised better.

- The area that my son now lives in is NOT the worst area in NYC.  Its rapidly gentrifying. But The Essence of Blackistan, it still retains.

- My son, while still dealing with the emotional aspects of this story, is VERY active in extra curricular activities and participates in sports and other programs. He has talents and skills that are being pursued fully.

- He will be attending college in another state.  He has one more year until graduation.

- I dont give a sh@t about not 'generalizing' all black men, and not 'ostracizing' poor people.  I do BOTH, unapologetically.  I believe that people have to be held accountable for what they do and how they treat each other. My days of caring more about others, more than I do the safety and welfare of me and mine, are done.

- I believe in strict Self-regulation of reproduction for black women, until we can find ourselves in less dangerous and compromised positions.  I do NOT believe that marriage is the answer for all things. I am actually very suspicious of the institution. But I recognize the need for PROTECTION and marriage can offer a layer of that, to children and women. I am not motivated by religious or moral concerns regarding the marital state of a woman with children. Mine is STRICTLY strategic in nature. I don't adhere to the idea of traditional gender norms and roles, because I believe its the best for women. I actually do NOT believe that the historical set up had women's best interests at heart.  But I accept that in patriarchy, women must use the existing institutions to their own benefit. I support marriage for women who will need the Ecosystem of matrimony to help shield their progeny from harm and vulnerability. If a woman is wealthy, and has access to resources that will allow her to outsource the safety and security of her offspring to people other then a husband, and she can provide her children with good male mentoring and role modeling, that I am all for it and dont see marriage as necessary.  But the level of resources I am talking about, eliminates MOST average black women - even those who are considered 'successful' by most standards. Most BW, by default, should use marriage as the tool to successfully raise their children.

- I will stand my belief, that 90% of the struggle and disappointment that Black Women endure, is self afflicted.  Part of being a "empowered' woman, is accepting YOUR role in everything that happens in your life. Its no secret that black men are more likely to walk away from their children and less likely to marry their children's mothers. How much longer do BW have to witness and experience this, before their choices begin to align with that reality? At what point does it stop being about 'dead beat fathers' and start being about 'obstinate mothers'?  At what point do black women admit, that OUR decision to have children with black men, is ultimately the SOURCE of all of this mess?  Accepting the truth is part of being a RESPONSIBLE WOMAN.

- And finally...my story is a cautionary tale for other women, but I do NOT feel any shame, guilt or humiliation over it. I am clear about my role, and I accept full responsibility.  But I don't use that as yet, ANOTHER excuse, to play the victim and to continue to avoid choosing wisely. I have no time for self pity or woe is me'ism.  The second half of my life is getting ready to start and I"m too busy thinking about and planning for that, to sit and feel bad about some sh@t I did almost 20 years ago. I have given myself PERMISSION to move on.  And I have given my son permission, to live a fabulous life, despite any inadequacies or incongruities in his upbringing.  He knows that when all is said and done, how his life turns out will be up to him.  I won't be accepting the gift of Maternal Guilt from him.  Hes got to figure out how to live well, just like the rest of us.  NO EXCUSES and NO Victimhood Identity.

My son does NOT have permission to scapegoat me. I have not and will NEVER, offer him that out.  There is no door marked exit, over MY head. He, as any mature adult person, will have to reconcile his past, harmonize his mind, find peace and move on. That's the greatest Wisdom I can offer him - and anyone who seeks the lessons in my writings. 

Thanks for reading.

- Breukelen Bleu

ladyofmagic1974
ladyofmagic1974

I am glad the writer's son is doing better and he is not letting that negative experience deter him for choosing the right path.  Too often many young BM follow the wrong path or like the case of the author's son if they are force to join up with the wrong people in order to fit in with the negative aspects of Blackstain.


I don't care if I offend someone for being an unwed mother, but I'm glad Chris is pushing NWNW and other BWE sites for encouraging BW to wait until marriage for children or at least get the hell out of the hood before you start having children.  I am so grateful that the BWE sites that I come across doesn't sugar coat the truth on the ills in the BC and they also call out BM on their part as well.  BW can't fix everything problem in the BC and we sure nuff didn't caused all the problems in the BC as well.


Not to be too off topic, but speaking of BM blaming BW for the problems in the BC have anyone heard of this so-called Dr. Umar Johnson trying to start an all male school for black boys?  There was an author with Madame Norie who called him out on what type of financial plan he had for the school and she didn't like his anti-gay and misogynist views.  Black social media pretty much tore her apart for "questioning a black leader"!

sparel
sparel

Something that stood out to me and hit me in the core of my soul. "The only thing The Black Community has offered my son, is a long list of reasons why he should hate me, hate It and hate himself." sad and true :(

juleah
juleah

I grew up in a rough neighborhood and my parents didn't allow me and my sister to hang out in the neighborhood either. My parents grew up running the streets and they said there was nothing out there for us. The answer to can we go hang out at the park or at so and so's house was always no. LOL! At the time we thought our parents were so mean but as adults we love them for the sheltering they gave us.


Some of the people we went to school with that lived in our neighborhood didn't know we lived in the same neighborhood. When they found out they started calling us the good girls. We got teased for talking white, having a diverse group of friends, getting good grades, and not being able to hang out in the neighborhood but nobody ever bothered us. I think having both my parents at home scared some people away from us.

We were involved in extra curricular activities that took us away from our neighborhood. Since I've been an adult I've came across some of the people that used to tease us and they tell me they wish their parents raised them the way my parents raised us. 


I knew the environment I was living in wasn't for me when I was 12 years old. I used to tell my Mom, "I will never live in this type of neighborhood when i grow up. I don't care if I have to eat rice everyday and all my money goes to housing. I refuse to live in a neighborhood like this." I (and my parents) signed paperwork for me to join the Navy when I was 17 yrs old and I haven't looked back.

lalalee0305
lalalee0305

Thank you, Bleu:  This is a wonderful post that is full of truth and wisdom.  While there are so many things to take away from it, one thing that stood out to me in a most glaring fashion is the idea that:  BW are responsible for their choices in life, same as any other community.  So, the notion that a DBR is soley responsible for the extremely high OOW rate in the black community is not a fair assessment because it is women who choose to be with him. Of course there are a variety of reasons that 'anyone' could be led down the 'road to perdition', so it is no good to beat oneself up.  

The good thing and what I heard in your essay is that now that you know better you intend to do better.  So, is there a silver lining to bad decsions in life - yes, there can be because good judgment comes from experience and, experience is often the result of bad judgment of the past.  Here's to hoping that more and more BW learn from experience especially as they see what happens to others. 

The Working Home Keeper
The Working Home Keeper

I read this when it was originally published - such a powerful read!  I hope the writer is able or has been able to remove herself and her son from this dangerous, soul killing environment.  


TeeVee
TeeVee

I so appreciate the honesty of the writer! This is the very thing so many BW bloggers have been writing/warning about for years. But to read this from a BW who readily admits her mistake instead of going on "Maury" to clown out for the world to see is breathtaking!

Ms. Blue: I am so sorry that this terrible thing happened to your son. I pray for his healing, and future success! I pray success for your future as well. God bless.

cns
cns

This is the reason why mothers (or parents) show do their best to get out of Blackistan.

Lady A
Lady A

Simple solution, stop being afraid to hold the black male community responsible. Every time someone calls out the ignorance black men perpetuate that's harmful to the livelihood of young black boys and future black men we get pro-black on the person and start yelling "Not all" and "White men do it too" that's why they don't learn because they know if they display this behavior the pro-black people are going to excuse and try to make them out to be lost souls that doesn't know any better.


It's amazing to me how black girls are still thriving, single parents and all, be it a mom or a dad, with domestic violence against them at an all time high, and being the dump truck for the black community's problems. Black women are not the sole problem, it's our refusal to hold black men accountable for anything. I'm not biting my tongue about that.



FriendsofJay
FriendsofJay

Psychologist tell us that violence is more prevalent as you go down the socio-economic ladder because the less you have, the more you hate people who are successful and despise their learning, beauty or culture——BECAUSE you can’t have it, i. e., this is why some people who live in concentrated poverty will deface posters, statues, paintings, etc.  

Naturally this extend to anyone who has ambition.  The writer wants enriching experiences for her son——summer camps, music lessons, college, etc———and he wants them too.  This may be seen by the rougher element of his neighborhood as snobbish or “uppity.”  They don’t aspire to it and can’t have it, so they dislike anyone who has that ambition and wants to better himself.  I think this is what many people in the BC think of as “acting white.”  

Acting white means becoming a part of the white community.  It doesn’t mean renouncing your black ethnicity or heritage——it simply means wanting something better.  Therefore you’re a threat to the self-esteem of those who can’t have it and a symbol of the hope they don’t have or believe in.  They want you to convert to their way of thinking or they will make your life miserable.  It’s sort of like the social pressure of religious zealotry that will burn you at the stake unless you believe as they do.  

That’s why it’s so important to get out of that environment if you can.  If you don’t you will begin to think like them and forget your ambition and hope.  Then you’re lost, along with your potential family, children, pride and future.  It’s a sad thing to watch, especially when so many AAs are capable of so much more. 

mzsunshine
mzsunshine

(Exhaling) Such a POWERFUL story, Ms. Bleu. I recalled a friend who wouldn't allow her son to hang out with the neighborhood boys, she kept him occupied in copious extra curricular activities. She wouldn't even allow him to ride the bus to school because she didn't want him to become part of the dysfunction of the "hood".


I salute Ms. Bleu and other mothers who are fighting the war on blAck male dysfunction to raise their children.

anzidavis
anzidavis

Thanks Bleu for this wonderful and empowering words of wisdom and reminder.

Contrary to what some Single Black Mothers are saying, I can admit, that…“Yes, my son was the result of poor decision making, no planning and bad choices!”

This right here is where I need to drop the mic, because I too came to the same realization and when I accepted my responsibility in that, there was this weight lifted off my shoulders. Even though there are outside forces that will try to tear down the "individuality of the black woman",  I have a responsibility to my DNA to ensure he knows and lives a life giving everyone the right of individuality.

International_Responder
International_Responder

Forgive me in advance for being long winded but this story right here struck a personal nerve for me, even more so than usual. First off your title says it all "intent on his ruination"....this fact was the hardest for me to come to terms with as the single parent of one child, in my case a daughter, the low expectations for both of us, the interaction with brazen folk that have the audacity to think they will be the arbiters of what I should or shouldn't aim for,  those too shortsighted that tell me to make do with my degree and employment and delay the "luxury" of marriage until my first grader is all grown up, definitely not falling for that one as I know all too well the security afforded to children with both parents in the home having been raised in a two parent home myself.


While yes many black boys encounter the horrifying behavior the writers son dealt with, there are certain protections afforded to children from two parent homes and ANYONE i.e. the anti-marriage movement, the single woman who decides to adopt a child, the single woman that made poor choices that led to an unplanned pregnancy, the woman who finds herself as a single parent by way of divorce, the single mother by way of widowhood etc. who states otherwise is deluding themselves. Don't get me wrong here I'm not saying a widow and a single mother by choice share the same mentality but in sharing this common circumstance it must be admitted that a home with one parent is incomplete, missing something, and not what God intended for His children. A father in the home to accompany his son to and from school would've have lessened the likelihood of the attack on the writer's son, a father could have confronted these degenerate punks on his son's behalf, a father in the home would have provided the additional income required to move to a better a neighborhood.... the list goes on. 


No one should be basking in, celebrating, glamorizing or otherwise promoting single motherhood as a "choice lifestyle". I suspect those that disagree take the stance that BB&W is shaming single mothers and anyone or anything else that is in need of change in the BC. But I'll tell you from firsthand experience that a good shaming got me to reevaluate my life six years ago and question why I lacked the discipline relationship wise that I practiced in other areas of my life, a good shaming also got me to choose abstinence until marriage, and to live my life and parent my child purposefully. 


You see shame isn't all bad especially when it serves as the impetus for positive change.

I celebrate the Breukelen's awakening and the platform birthed from the courage to evaluate and change her own actions.

Keep driving the point home @Christelyn  

kristenannis987
kristenannis987

Reading this makes me so thankful to the fact that both my parents are loving and supporting, and even though we have our problems, both big and small, the way they raised me, and were they raised me has conditioned me to know that I deserve better than some smooth talking BM with no real ambition, goals, or direction in life.  As a young BW i see the love and respect my parents have for each other after almost 20 years of marriage, and desire a partner who is equal to me, deserves me, and treats me wih respect.  And he doesn't have to "look" like me, to get my attention.


When I hear stories like this, I am so happy that my brother will not have to go through this, because the people I call family, and the community that I live in don't suffer from the disease of Blackistan, but is full of diversity

LovelyLulu
LovelyLulu

This is just beyond sad.  And I don't even think there's an actual solution because men are supposed to be the leaders of a community and black men are not leading.  The best that can be done is to give black women a sense of worth and drum into their heads not to have children with deadbeats.  And also encourage them to get the hell out of blackistan.  Then, I suppose they can let the riff raff destroy each other.  

EarthJeff
EarthJeff

Wow.  As I started to read I had the thought in my head, wondering how do we change that?  But then you quite clearly laid out exactly what must be done.  Will we ever completely be able to change things?  No.  But change can only start... MUST start.... with one determined soul at a time.


"are the things they experience and learn from the average black male in their communities. As soon as puberty hits, they begin to understand the expectations of manhood in The Black Community, and even the most loving, gentlest boy will feel compelled to try to prove himself – or at the least…protect himself, by assimilating the mannerisms, speech, ideas and behaviors of the larger dysfunctional black male culture. "


I have noticed this in my students.  I have taught for several years in an urban environment, and this is one thing that I feel powerless - as a white male teacher - to impact.  Yes, I am able to help some as a positive MALE influence.  However, this is one area that I am unable to reach.... only the black male community can change that (I like how you put it) ECOSYSTEM....

NaturalLynnMcGruder
NaturalLynnMcGruder

I can certainly empathize with this writer as I too am a single mother raising an African American male. I do however want to make a point and express that it is not fair to generalize violence to a certain race of people, or to say if we surround ourselves with a certain race or even associate with a certain class of individuals; that we are safe from violent acts. As far back as the beginning of man-kind there has been violence that will never change no matter who we marry, or what race lives in our neighborhoods.


QueenAnne
QueenAnne

If she is able to move, she should move!

zimekcyn
zimekcyn

I feel really sad reading this article because my oldest son could have been her son, a black male also.  I only dodged the "bullet" because my parents and my self determination would not let that happen.   He just turned 28, his father left when he was 6yo, I along with my husband and family successfully raised him.  His father only helped, a little,because I sued him for child support.  He still owes me thousands of dollars that I am sure I will never get.  My son graduated from college in 2009, he currently live and work in St Louis, MO.  He is the reason I graduated from College, because I was determined to never expose him to the negativity of the BC.   I was determined to always live in a place where my kids (I now have 2 more, 14 and 17) only worries would be, NOTHING.  

My husband and I work hard because I could not imagine exposing my kids to this type of environment because, sad to say, I know the end result is what this mother experienced with her son.  Thank goodness he is "ok" and I believe he will remain ok because his mother won't settle for anything less.  

I've worked on the south and west side of Chicago, it is hopeless, and I am not overstating the hopelessness.  I've worked in hospitals and in home health in Chicago and what we are doing to ourselves is despicable.   I am not just speaking of violence, I am also including disease and sickness present in these communities.  If this had been my only option I would have purchased a oneway bus ticket to anywhere but there.    




ChristieRJohnson
ChristieRJohnson

Once upone a time, early in my parent's marriage, my Pop suggested a move from quiet Chesterfield County, Va to Southside Richmond.  My Ma told him, "No".

One of the best decisions she has ever made.

So many factors go into raising a child and enviroment is one of them, and not just the phyiscal enviroment, but the people as well.   My parents house was a safe place and so was my enviroment.  And they kept it that way, trust, there was no foolishness in my parents hous.  Just about all of my cousins lived there at one time or another.  They knew, you cross that threshold, the street stays out there.

Because of this my bro and I have a good life.  He is married, with two kids, has a good job and are raising his children out in the country.  He wasn't a fool growing up, so he never has to look over his shoulder hoping some dude won't come after him.  He and his family are safe and happy.

As for me, I'm o.k.  My life is good and there is the hope that it can get only better.  I was allowed to grow up in my own time, instead of too soon. The way I look at the world may seem naive, but I feel no harshness or bitterness.  I don't feel like the world is out to get me.  That, is due to enviroment.

LIke I said, one of the best decisions that my Ma has ever made.

zipporah
zipporah

@Brenda55 i notice, in 'blackistan'--the only ones  who know how to work on cars are the latinos.

When i go out with my husband, to get a car part, only latinos and asians are in the store buying parts to fix their cars.


It could be because few BM are there and know how to teach their sons, grandsons, etc, how to change their brakes, for their mothers-(ok, i know there are black guy mechanics, but haven't met any in a black neighborhood)--i know, a little 'off the subject'....LOL

MelanieVictoria
MelanieVictoria

@KirtTwelv  It was not simply that the boy was spoken too about pornography; it was the kind of pornography which the man was talking about that was problematic- " porn that depicted female domination, choking, gagging and being sexually violent to black women." It is one thing to watch people perform sexually explicit acts; it is another to watch one human violently be degraded by another. The boys will be boys appeal does not fly here.

Breukelen Bleu
Breukelen Bleu

@KirtTwelv

1. Ghetto mentality between black girls, doesn't usually end up with someone being dead. The "yall do it too' argument is tired. The scenarios are NOT the same  - AT ALL. The black community is not being held hostage by the dysfunctional dynamics between black female teenagers. My son doesn't have to worry about being attacked, hurt or killed, by roving bands of black girls, looking for a fight. Black girls are not selling drugs, or trafficking each other in sex rings.  The mere fact that you would attempt to compare the two realities, shows to what level black men will go to SCAPEGOAT everyone else, and avoid responsibility and accountability for themselves. 


2. My son is heterosexual, likes girls and thinks about sex.  A LOT.  We talk about it often, and he has admitted to watching porn.  I don't begrudge him that.  But we DO talk about the TYPES of porn that he watches, and the differences between those images that express and cater to normal/healthy/natural male sexual appetites - and those who imagery taps into some other, darker areas in the male psychosexual mind, which can lead to some unwanted and dangerous consequences.  I use his watching of porn as a teaching tool, to help him understand the difference between fantasy and reality, and talk to him about what sexuality is, what to expect in real life, (hes still a virgin) and the difference between sex that is geared strictly towards male satisfaction,  and that which is a shared experience of passion and pleasure for BOTH parties.  Im no prude and I dont have any hang ups about my sons natural desires. I have no issues about my son being a sexual being, and don't try to hide, shelter or shame his desire for sex. My son is not abnormal. He is a warm blooded, testosterone filled 17 year old.  But he KNOWS the difference, between sexual messages that are harmful, and those that are healthy.  He knows that rape scenes on tv, stimulate him and repulse him, because his natural instinct to become aroused at the site of sexual stimulation, conflicts with his moral imperative to not receive pleasure off of someone else pain and violation. We talk about all of this, and I allow him to express any confusion or angst he may feel,  about some of the negative sexual imagery he may encounter. He is male...he is heterosexual...he likes girls...and he wants to have sex. But he also HAS A CONSCIOUS, and it is NOT determined by whether his Mother is in the room or not.  I raised him that way, and his reaction to the disgusting display made by that barber, reflects a young man who has a proper understanding about appropriate vs inappropriate sexual expression, but also a boy who respects women and children enough to recognize that INAPPROPRIATENESS of that barbers tirade. He was particularly upset, that this man has so little respect for the Mother and small children, who were sitting in ears reach, listening to this vulgar discussion. The fact that this is so unheard of, amongst most BM, is exactly why your communities look the way they do, and why relations between BW and BM, look the way they do. 


3.And finally...The OOW rate in in the BC is 72%. Most black children are NOT growing up in homes, where their biological fathers are present. Your point is moot. 

Try again, sir. 

You cannot dismantle my positions, with pedestrian arguments.  I am not That Chic.

- Breukelen Bleu

Christelyn
Christelyn moderator

@KirtTwelv I knew it would just be a matter of time when someone would AGAIN attempt to put 100% blame on black women for this mess. You know what? I'm all about FATHERS being in the home--not just some random "MEN"--but just because a male has a penis isn't enough to qualify him as a worthy role model for children. And to attempt to defame this woman's son by questioning his masculinity because he doesn't want to listen to some DISGUSTING STRANGER talk about "smashing" and sex in such a violent way speaks to YOUR character sir, because I just KNOW you're a "sir."

Lisa_Lisa
Lisa_Lisa

@Breukelen Bleu 

I have read a  lot of commentary by a number of black males online. Most of them believe that black women need to choose "good black men" for relationships instead of thugs, but I don't think they realize or care that the majority of  black males in urban/inner city areas are not family oriented, nor are they interested in uplifting or respecting black women.Also, the urban/inner cities of America are not filled with family oriented, college educated/gainfully employed black males. 


I really believe that black women have to set the bar higher and stop entering into relationships with males who have repeatedly shown that they are unwilling and/or unable to accept the role of husband and father.

palefloret
palefloret

@Lady A  Not really surprising when you look at the dynamic.  Single black mother raising a black daughter.  Daughter goes to college, or even if she only has high school getting a job etc. and doing good. Black boy raised by single mother same for some, but most not so much.  What's the difference?  The girl has a role model from someone who not only used to be a girl and can relate to her, because of that, but she's her mom.  She is being taught how to become a woman.  A boy on the other hand has mom.  She is a role model, but he unlike his a girl will not grow into womanhood.  Plus there are other factors at play.  Other men.  Boys listen to men more as become older than they do women. 

Lady A
Lady A

The second pic is of a mother and daughter earning their degree, and the 3rd of a single mom who raised a 14 year PHD holder.

sparel
sparel

@FriendsofJay i'm sorry but I have to correct you on a few things.  You said "Psychologist tell us that violence is more prevalent as you go down the socio-economic ladder" If this is true how come poor white neighborhoods aren't having large violence behavior in their areas? and trust me poor white neighborhoods are all over America but yet we don't see it playing out a important on shows like 48 hours or the nightly news. 

another: "Acting white means becoming a part of the white community."  That's a little offensive and totally wrong.  who ever said acting"white" is when a person is acting like they have some home training and know how to speak with proper diction and English?  I personally think you made that up. 

Last quote "it simply means wanting something better." White doesn't mean "better" neither does black or anything else. gosh man get off your high horse man for a second. 

I'm sorry if I offend you but that's the only three quotes that stood out to me.

lalalee0305
lalalee0305

Hey there Jay:  You're reading my mind, especially in regards to your second paragraph.  I can attest to the veracity of your statements because I have lived it.  In fact, I have recently experienced it in my work situation.  Former co-workers were not happy that I was elevated to a much higher level then they currently are in.  One even told me that it didn't matter that I had a new position, I should still do the same work as before - huh?  No mention of the fact that it took 3 1/2 years of driving 100 miles to school one way, on a weekly basis, countless hours of studying, labs, clinicals and endless exams and more, to achieve my new status and income. 

Funny thing is that those same people never seem to stop and think that they could do the same thing I've done if they were willing to put the work in; but they are not willing.  Oh well, life is out there for the taking but it will require discipline, delayed gratification and self sacrifice to achieve the reward of the fruits of one's labor.  I'm living proof that it can be done and now I am not only enjoying a more lucrative income but vacationing in Iceland this summer as a reward.  I'm nothing special though, cause anyone putting their nose to grind can do the same thing!!  And, like you said, AA are capable of so much more.  Our history is testament to this truth.

NaturalLynnMcGruder
NaturalLynnMcGruder

@kia All I am saying is when people say things like "black men have done nothing in the past century to improve their own communities." You must know that it does include black men like the son in the story and your mother's friend's son...Well...maybe you meant all black men excluding them. I don't want to take away from anyone being able to try to understand their situation and make sense of what has been done to them, but when will we get to a point where we stop blaming the race of a person and look within? You know the whole idea of judging not by the color of skin but the content of character...but I digress.

MixedUpInVegas
MixedUpInVegas

@NaturalLynnMcGruder 

Please don't take this as disrespecting your post, Miss Lynn, but sometimes I think if I hear the "but not ALL Black men/women/people do (insert offensive behavior here) . . . . " I am going to rip out what hair I have left and go running screaming down the street.  Dear Miss Lynn, can't you see how (1) tiresome and threadbare that excuse is and (2) no one said All Black People do anything, offensive or otherwise.  All that Breukelen Bleu is trying to do is to tell her truth and how it has impacted her life and that of her son.  Please try to find more in her story than excuses to deflect responsibility from the very people who have hurt and abused her family.  She isn't the one generalizing, but it seems to me that you are.

Brenda55
Brenda55 moderator

@NaturalLynnMcGruder


Sorry not buying what you are selling.  Just not. I know better.


It is a matter of assessing risk and then making decisions accordingly.

Fact. Crime in higher among certain demographics and socio-economic groups.


Fact.  Crime is much more prevalent in certain areas of a city or county.


Fact. Types of crime differ depending on where you live.


Fact.  Your chances of becoming a crime victim increase or decrease depending on activity, associations and location.


Federal, State and Local crime statistics back that up and are easy to find online if you chose to look.


You can get information about crime in any location that you choose to live. 


So yes it is fair to generalize violence in order to assess your chance of being a victim. It is fair to look at class and it is fair to look at race. We blacks sure as hell do that when it comes to a non-black doing anything against us but we can't go there when it is black on black violence. 


Now I understand why you are sensitive to this.  You have a black son and know just where he stands in life. Well so does the women who wrote this essay and guess what? Not only does her son have every challenge that all black males have he now has the added burden of PTSD.  All at the hands of males who share his race. His mother has to not only do the same work that you have to raising an intact and healthy son but now his skin folk just made that job harder for her.


So yeah she gets to have her say and yeah she gets to feel the way she does.  Just respect that.



I would not insult the intelligence or attempt to invalidate the testimony of any person who is dealing with the aftermath of a crime against person or family but posting what you just posted. You are not the one who has to deal with the fall out year in and year out for years to come.  You are not the young man who has to heal and continue on with life.


All as a result of something that did not need to happen.


I have walked is this women's shoes. So miss me with the could happen anywhere and anyone could be at fault. Like I said before I know better.





_Toni_
_Toni_ moderator

@NaturalLynnMcGruder You know what's not fair? The VIOLENCE. That worries me far more than some stranger on the internet getting their feelings hurt.


Too many black women get silenced because someone needs to come along and remind them of the DANGERS of somehow a good black man being mistaken for a hoodlum. Nevermind that black people don't mind mistaking a good black woman for a whore and beating up mentally and emotionally on black women and then telling young men that "that's how you're supposed to treat a woman". 


Telling this story boldly and un-apologetically and getting the word out about an experience like this is far more important than disclaimers.


I'm sorry that "what about disclaimers!" is your biggest takeaway from this piece, especially as a black single mother raising a son.

_Toni_
_Toni_ moderator

@Christelyn  @KirtTwelv These clowns are bold. Going to come right up on a post highlighting a single mother's battle against dysfunction and rather than speak about why more black men need to stop peddling filth and perversion at children while abandoning them in droves, they are gonna try and flip the script and act like (1) their behavior is someone else's fault and (2) their deranged behavior is perfectly normal and this woman is overreacting.


Unbelievable. 


And you know this man is one of the enabling demons in question. A hit dog often hollers, and DBRs love to tell on themselves...

FriendsofJay
FriendsofJay

@sparel First off, I’m not offended.  I respect you opinion.

Poor white neighborhoods DO have more violence than middle class white neighborhoods.  And frankly, the 24 hour news cycle finds black violence more “newsworthy,” even though I wish it didn’t.  

On your second point, when I said "Acting white means becoming a part of the white community."  That's a little offensive and totally wrong.

What I’m saying is that all Americans should be part of ONE American community.  As long as we have a black community, a white community, an Hispanic community, etc, we will never be ONE COMMUNITY.  Until we learn to cooperate within that ONE COMMUNITY we will always be working at cross purposes.  The WC is the largest and most successful community and all Americans should want to be part of it.  After all, white Americans and black Americans are still Americans and until we ALL accept that as OUR community, things will never be peaceful in this country.  

As to your last point, you’re right, white doesn’t mean better, but it does mean more financially successful, and its only fair that black Americans and Hispanic Americans take part in and enjoy that financial success.  Separatism will not make that happen. The bright young men and women that Breukelen Bleu is talking about SHOULD have their chance for success in life.  And if that means becoming part of our ONE American community to achieve equal happiness, so be it.

TeeVee
TeeVee

@NaturalLynnMcGruder

The content of character IS what's being discussed here.

Black men doing nothing to improve their communities does not include the son in the story because he is a 17 year old boy. As a 17 year old boy he doing what is required of him at that stage--- going to school, and staying out of trouble so he can grow up to be a good citizen.

It is the responsibility of GROWN men to see to the well being of the community. Somewhere along the line, the previous generation of men dropped the ball in handing down the virtues of manhood; that's why it's a mess now.

No here is judging skin color.

sparel
sparel

@FriendsofJay @sparel does it really mean financially successful? or is it that more whites are more financially successful based on social advantages.  Are you trying to tell me that If I go in for a job interview with my kinky hair and dark skin i'm more likely to get the job than my blonde hair blue eye friend with the same credential if not less than I do? If you think so than you are sadly mistaken and don't have a clue about the black experience. I don't think that it "means" financially successful because if that was the case there would be no poor whites. But rather whites have a more advantage over blacks with equal credential as they do.

But thank you for clearing everything else up.  However I do think you're a little bias based on your assumption that whites "mean" financially successful.      

FriendsofJay
FriendsofJay

@sparel To finish this discussion, I can only say that until both sides disarm, we will never have REAL equality.  And that's what all of us should want.  If whites and blacks continue to support ONLY their respective sides we will never be one nation.

Imagine the social strides we could make as one people. 

MixedUpInVegas
MixedUpInVegas

@FriendsofJay @sparel 

I think a more realistic phrase would have been "to become part of the greater American community" which is comprised of the many diverse people who are contributing American citizens and not criminals. I think most of us, particularly in the western US, look around our communities every day and see all kinds of people who work hard, pay their taxes, raise their kids and run small businesses who are not white.  No disrespect intended to the white community, since I am married to a WM, but the standards for success are not exclusive to the white community.  Anyone can be a success without being white.