I’m going to be honest. I have never dated an Asian dude. AND! I never thought about it. After all, why check after dudes that aren’t checking for you?
Must have been my breath or something. Or maybe it was the chronic pizza-puss-pimples I had until I was 25. Because it turns out Asian men DO like us chocolates, but not so fast grasshopper…there are a lot of cultural and stereotypical obstacles that both races have to overcome.
So let’s put all the Asian stereotypes on the table: Asian men have no ‘swagga.’ Asian men just want to date and marry other Asian women, but if they luck out, they’ll take a white one in a Tokyo minute. All Asian men are short and have small ding dongs. We already know what stereotypes black women fight against, so no need to rehearse that song to this choir.
What Works About AM/BW
Black women and Asian men are THE most mis-characterized group in U.S. mainstream media. We should be teaming together to become some SUPER-BLASIAN WONDER TWINS to dispel those myths, but for the most part, our separate races have kept to their corners.
That’s until Facebook and Ning were invented. I have seen more connections online with this interracial and intercultural mix that I’ve ever witnessed in my entire life. And I must admit, it’s a BEAUTEOUS thing.
Because I have absolutely NO EXPERIENCE in this area, I’ve been trolling about Asian male/Black women groups just to see how this whole “blasian” hook-up works. I’ve seen people who met in the virual world get together in REAL LIFE and forge REAL relationships. Take former “Hottie of the Week” Ranier Falco, who found his new girlfriend on a Facebook page called “Asian Men and Black Women Unite.” They happen to both live in Northern California. Get it, Ranier!
Former “Hottie” David Vang also found long-distance love with this coco-puff:
It looks like the Internet is the Ancient…urhm…Chinese Secret to hooking up with Asian men. The reason is important– so get your ear real close to the screen. ONLINE GROUPS GIVE YOU ‘WARM LEADS.’ Understand, not every Asian man is interested in black women, and that goes both ways. But when you’re in a forum where you don’t have to wonder, guess, surmise, pray, hire a psychic, or do voodoo to know that the guys in said group are AT LEAST OPEN to dating and mating with black women.
Cuts out a lot of red tape and bull donkey if you ask me.
Once you get past all the “if’s” and “ands,” and actually get to know and respect one another, perhaps you might actually get to this:
The Not-So-Good News
Now that was the good news. But I wouldn’t be keeping it ‘100’ if I made you think pairing with Asian men is all magic dragons and glitter. There’s some SERIOUS downsides to consider, and this is real: The Asian culture is traditionally quite communal. The family is EVERYTHING, and many men WILL NOT go against their families to be with you. I heard one horror story about a black woman who was being kept as a mistress to the Asian man she loved, while he brought the family-approved stand-in home for the holidays.
Another possible snag is that, just like blacks of the diaspora, Asians are not a monolithic group. “Asian” could mean Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Indians, Filipino, Taiwanese, Cambodian, Samoan, Hmong (shout out to David!), Hawaiian, and a bunch of other ones I can’t think of at the moment, because it’s 10:15 and passed my bedtime. (My prunes and dry toast are waiting.)
And in truth, some races of Asians are more amenable and accepting of interracial relationships–namely Filipinos, Hawaiians, Cambodians, and Samoans (based on interviews). The other races–especially Korean– can be a really, really tough sell to some families, who think all black people live in the Land of BET. Generational variances also come into play, and if you’ve ever seen a Korean soap opera, it looks like your husband’s mama can ask you to change her pee pee pot and clean her toe jam and YOU’D BETTER SHUT UP AND LIKE IT! *shivers*
I’m leaving a lot of stuff out, but that’s because I get into some serious details about these dynamics in “Swirling,” so be on the look out for the book next April. In the meantime, warm yourself up to a cozy Asian on these sites:
Asian Men and Black Women Unite (I gotta admit, this is my fav-or-it-est site, these folks are hilarious, it’s like a party. And they do occasionally meet as a group in real life.
Black Women Asian Men United (Ning network, but be accepted in. But if you do get the golden key, that place is fun–they’ve got video and text chat, you can create your own page, make friends, and basically eff your whole day away there.
Bottom line, dating another minority might seem a lot easier than dating a white guy, but that’s almost never true. Minorities compete for superiority and acceptance of the ruling class, and they have their own issues of colorism and body-image issues and they also strive to mimic the fabled European Gold Standard of Beauty. And if you’re going to get serious about an Asian man, you better make sure he’s his OWN man, and is durned-well serious about YOU.
Ever have a blasian date? Do your experiences vibe with my theories and reportage? Dish!