Open Thread: “How Do I Explain My Preference for Black Women without Sounding Like a Douche?”

man shrugging

Okay well he didn’t say that…exactly. Here’s what this 20-something white guy actually wrote…

Mrs. Karazin,

I’m not ashamed and I make it pretty well known amongst my friends that I have acquired an affinity for black women. As a result, I’ve had several people ask me (out of curiosity instead of disgust, I hope) why I “have a thing” for black women. Honestly, I think that’s similar to asking me why my favorite color is blue. I simply don’t know! I’ve been told that “guys are visual,” so I guess one plausible theory could be that I’m visually attracted to women of a darker complexion, just like I’m visually attracted to the color blue. Here’s my question though (and I truly apologize if this seems rather crass or inappropriate): How can I communicate this response without making it seem like black women are nothing more to me than a fetish and I’m just looking for “some of that ghetto booty?” I really don’t want to convey that sort of image of myself because I’m not that kind of guy at all. I don’t succumb to stereotypes such as that. For some reason, I just enjoy seeing darker skin tones, especially in contrast to my fair skin. That’s visually attractive to me. That’s one reason I really enjoyed holding hands with my black girlfriend a while back. Thanks for the help and I’m sorry again for giving such a blunt question!

I think it’s perfectly okay to find the contrast in skin tone sexy–I know like to see mine and hubby’s legs intertwined…oh; I’ve said too much.

Have at it ladies and gents!

The Man Myth
209 comments
Heidi49
Heidi49

Oh my gosh, this young man is funny. I have a son who just turned 25 years old in June. He is not attracted to black men or women. He is bisexual. He is attracted to those who look lie me his mom. I am biracial.  So I know that when my son decides to chose a life partner, I know that he will chose someone who is multi-ethnic. As to you young man, just do you. If you find you are attracted to women of color the same way you like the color blue, then that is what you like and it is who you are, do not make excuses for that. I told my son the same thing, you are who you are, accept it, deal with it and find a person who makes you happy, color is the least of your worries. 

KeepMeInMind
KeepMeInMind

Im a black woman and for some reason im extremely attracted to white and asian men. I dont know why but I am. I also thought maybe it was the contrast in our skin tones or maybe their culture. I dont know. But im extremely attracted to them. White, Asian, and Indian men. I do love to see a lighter skin man next to my darker skin its sexy.

BreannaNouveaux
BreannaNouveaux

Am I the only one weirded out by "I am not ashamed" plug when talking about black women? I dont know why guys say that as if otherwise we are a shame to be with. I KNOW they dont mean it that way but language matters. And the less negative language associated with black women (on top of other things) the less people will feel the need to explain themselves about simply expressing their desire as a human being.

Lady A
Lady A

Honestly some black women think any white man with an attraction to black women= fetish, it gets on my nerves. A white guy can come up and say "Hey beautiful, I love the dress you have on, your hair looks lovely" and they'll be like "Beautiful? Oh so what I'm beautiful because you fetishsizing me now? Oh and my dress? What you think it's made in Africa or something? My hair? What about my hair, I know what you're doing, fetishsizing my hair because you want to know what it's like to touch a black girl's hair huh? I'm on to you white man!" 

It's crazy because I hear and see the same thing in the black community, calling black women chocolate, or other names that are suppose to be a compliment but come off disrespectful imo, and they just be batting their eyelashes like someone read them Shakespeare. 

So the guy shouldn't worry himself to death, and  just go with what his heart says. Like he'd approach a woman he think is beautiful period, just go with what his heart says, and the natural attraction will fall into place. Black women aren't separate beings, we react to a fine gentleman like any other woman would :)

RodR
RodR

I would just, "the same reason you like what you like." It's worked for me and it's true.

Geekette221B
Geekette221B

I also find the contrast in skin tone very sexy. I really can't explain it. It just does it for me.

markhaaseth
markhaaseth

Well...

Been having that quandry for years now.

Frankly, observing and suffering through WW behavior issues has resulted in my no longer seeing much of any attraction to them at all. are there good ones? of course!
I'm just not that attracted.
BW on the other hand, as I've observed and experienced, often do not have these same issues and I find I have more more in common and aligned with them.
Are there bad ones? Of course!
But, overall, I am far more attracted to them and find I have much more in common with them.
We often have the same goals and BW more often want to grow together versus a scorched earth policy of my way or I call a lawyer. 

I'm lucky. I found a wonderful woman who I love every minute I'm with her.
I really found the one I can't live without.
Norwegian-American married to an African-American and couldn't be happier.

robjk
robjk

Don't feel the need to explain or defend unless you choose to. I think it depends on motive of one asking.

It is no different than someone finding tall, blue eyes, skinny, big, long hair, short hair etc..... Attractive.

Nothing wrong with someone being attracted to a physical quality as long as they truely love and respect them.

The ones that throw out the fetish/fantasy charge usually are projecting their prejudice. This month will be 19 years of marriage for us, that sure is a long time being together for a fetish. :)

LovelyLulu
LovelyLulu

I think the people asking why are the issue here.  Not this guy's preference, or how it might come across.  Why are these people asking him why?  They seem to be acting like it's a surprise for someone to find bw attractive.  Or they're acting confused by his preference simply because he's white.  Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I don't think they'd be asking him the same thing if he said he liked redheads.  

Instead of asking why all the time, people should be asking why not?  

Sameriah
Sameriah

You have to be more stern and kurt in your delivery.  You just like what you like.  You shouldn't even have to explain why or give a list of reasons.  Like oh black women this or that.  

MixedUpInVegas
MixedUpInVegas

Interestingly enough, when I explained to my now Beloved spouse that I was not white he said "yes I know". In all other conversations he has said so what? He doesn't want to talk about it, saying you are a beautiful woman and I am your lucky man. Might be dodging the issue, but how can I complain?

juleah
juleah

The reason you're having a hard time with explaining why you like Black women is because it's something you can't control, it's just natural. People ask me why I'm attracted to non black men and I can't explain it either because it's just natural. 

When my sister had New Edition all over her walls I had New Kids on the Block. LOL!. It is what it is.


If you explain to someone that Black women are just who you are attracted to and they still don't get it or ask more questions it's because they don't want to get it. Either they are not attracted to the same physical traits in women you are or (if they're a Black woman you're interested in) they probably have never been approached by a non Black man before.


It really is as simple as why blue is your favorite color, it just is.

BeautyIAM
BeautyIAM

What I find incredibly sexy in a white guy or non-black guy that prefers black women is when they don't feel the need to justify their preference AT ALL. It shows me that he view black women as WOMEN. Obviously, there are certain things that distinguish black women from other women, but people need to remember that not all black women are alike.


So I detest it when some white guy/non-black guy says "oh, I like that black women all have fat butts" or "oh, I like how all black women speak their mind" or "I like how black women...." It just gets to the point where I realize that they don't necessarily like ME as an INDIVIDUAL, but rather, a bunch of outdated stereotypes. I even hate it when black guys do this because I feel like they only like us for these stereotypes. 


For the guy asking the question and other men who like black women, just like us because you think we are hot as f*** and don't give a sh** who knows about it. LOL .Be confident in your choice and don't let your douchebag "friends" or family get in the way of that. You don't owe anyone an explanation on who you choose to date and why you chose that person. If that person makes you happy and is a great person, that is what your friends and family should care about. 

SirLoinDeBeef
SirLoinDeBeef

Something I might add, that my Brenda55 has pointed out several times ... that 'youthfulness' of skin tone and texture is very often attributed to BW.

My first wife (with whom I have very little contact), a WW, is only a couple years younger than me & her skin looks exactly what you would expect from a 69 year-old woman who spent some time in the sun.

While my Brenda looks pretty much as if she was in her middle 40s.

I sometimes marvel at how I acquired and kept such a hottie!

RichardBackman
RichardBackman

I follow a two step process when asked this question. Step 1. I explain that I am not required and I do not desire to explain anything about myself. Step 2. I wish them a pleasant day and return to my life. In the end, though, I don't think their is an explanation. It's a fact, like gravity. And like gravity, Isaac Newton's explanation didn't change it one bit.

jamaica68
jamaica68

If the people that ask you about your preference for black women aren't your friends/family (people who have your best interest at heart) then they don't deserve an explanation. Yes, it's that simple.

EarthJeff
EarthJeff

"I think it’s perfectly okay to find the contrast in skin tone sexy–I know like to see mine and hubby’s legs intertwined"


The beautiful contrast in skin tones is one of my favorites.  I often marvel at just that thing when I may be rubbing Bella's hand or back... how wonderful mine looks compared to hers.  I agree it is perfectly ok to find that sexy.  That contrast is kissing pictures too.... mmmmmmm.  So different and yet so.... wonderfully the same.  Two people....

GigiHunermund
GigiHunermund

I grew up in a neighborhood that was mostly black but for some reason, on my particular street, we were one of 4 black families living there.  The neighbor to our right were Italian with 3 sons, one of them took my sis to prom and I had a reciprocated crush on the youngest son, we grew up together.  He would steal flowers from our other neighbors yard and give them to me.  One summer afternoon, we got 'married' in my backyard.  We were 5 yrs old.  This continued into elementary school, when an Irish boy, John, held my hand at recess without saying a word.  Then I got into this program that bused inner-city black kids to all white suburban schools...more IR dating.  Then mostly white college...more IR dating.  I've never been in a relationship with a BM, never occurred to me since I only dated men that were interested in me.  In college, that was Asian and white.  That progressed until I married my husband who is half asian and half white.  It's just always been this way for me and  haven't given it much thought at all.

ElLagoJeff
ElLagoJeff

WM are pretty much in a no-win situation with this one.  We can't express these kinds of thoughts without rousing a whole rat's nest of suspicion that we just want to use BW to fulfill some fetishist fantasy.  As a WM, you essentially have to act like you don't notice any difference between BW and any other race you've dated.  It's a minefield not of our own making, but we have to navigate it nonetheless.

Zetahille
Zetahille

Guys say that because people give us a hard time about our attraction to black women.

Without meaning to come across rude, I'd say, understand that, and then let it go. For me personally, I won't walk on eggshells. If someone can't deal with my likes, then too bad.

Zetahille
Zetahille

@Lady A. You're a breath of fresh air! Thank you for those words.

MichelleEllington
MichelleEllington

@Lady A mmm I can't be offended by being called chocolate or caramel, or some other delicious treat. I find it no more offensive as being called, honey, sweetie or cupcake by the man I love or anyone who would be interested in me. If you feel thstnit is too familiar, I get that but, seriously?

MichelleEllington
MichelleEllington

@markhaaseth Being a black woman on the other side of that it is how I explain how I find that I have more in common with more white males than black ones. Part of me feels like that because I came from a family more like the Huxtable's than the Evans, and certainly a two parent home that a lot of the struggles and issues and triumphs that black men experience (gross generalization) is not a part of mine. It makes relating difficult and it is difficult to explain to others of my race because of the lack of common ground. I guess I was looking for someone to understand me and I never found enough brothas that did. Eventually I stopped trying and I found that I was more happy and felt understood, respected and loved and could freely give that back.

sparel
sparel

@markhaaseth "Frankly, observing and suffering through WW behavior issues has resulted in my no longer seeing much of any attraction to them at all."

I'm sorry I've heard this kind of talk with black men and it's not sexy when a black man say it and it's not sexy if a white men say it.  

SirLoinDeBeef
SirLoinDeBeef

@LovelyLulu 

People shoulda, oughta, wanna be logical and rational - but the reality is that emotional knee-jerk responses are the dominant feature in most discussions/arguments.

Sigh!

BreannaNouveaux
BreannaNouveaux

So ...YOU WIN. If you have to apologize and shuffle feet to explain why you like black women to people who are OBVIOUSLY being passive aggressive- don't date black women. Grow up first.

RichardBackman
RichardBackman

Hmmmm, seems I assumed the person asking the question was a third party. If it was the woman I was interested in I would immediately omit the steps. It's a fair question from a lady I am trying to get to know. I might make a few guesses as to why or how it the attraction came about but in the end it is so deep that it would be a guess. Even though I am not a scientist I would have an easier time explaining my light brown hair and grey-blue eyes.

KendraTaylor
KendraTaylor

@ElLagoJeff I actually prefer this type of action. I'm attracted to non-black men (particularly White men), but as soon as a White guy says something like, "I love your skin tone" or "I love Black girls" it doesn't make feel unique, but rather as an "other". It feels as if I'm being selected because of my skin tone (I'm biracial) and common traits with Black women rather than for my personality, morals, interests, etc.   So hopefully this guy is just being asked about his preference by friends and isn't talking about said interests to other Black women. 



When people ask me why I'm not interested in Black men I tend to have a speech memorized and while some understand, some think I'm being racist. You go with the punches I guess!

SavageTango
SavageTango

@ElLagoJeff For the love of God! Hurry up and answer the question, man.  This part of the thread has gone straight down the drain while the rest of us are waiting on you.

EarthJeff
EarthJeff

@ElLagoJeff "We can't express these kinds of thoughts without rousing a whole rat's nest of suspicion that we just want to use BW to fulfill some fetishist fantasy. "


So maybe the solution is..... this is what I do....  just act like it is the most natural thing in the world.  When my students give me an incredulous " your girlfriend is black????"   I just matter-of-factly give a little shrug and say "Yeah...why not....?"

Brenda55
Brenda55 moderator

@ElLagoJeff

Do you think that some of this has to do with the situation when this comes up and who it comes up with?

BreannaNouveaux
BreannaNouveaux

Your last sentence is the only thing that needs to be said.

Who gives you guys a hard time, I dont know. But its high time people realize that black women are women. The end.

Zetahille
Zetahille

@MichelleEllington. Thanks for saying that. You prove people are indeed reasonable. Seriously, it's refreshing to hear. :)

markhaaseth
markhaaseth

@sparel @markhaaseth

Notice that I did say that of course there are good ones.
But.

Doesn't make it any less of a fact that there are ones that will suck every last drop of sanity out of you.
I've watched so many of my friends suffer under a tyranny enforced by "friend of the court' that it turns my stomach.
Too many scorched earth divorces, poisoning the children against the father, childish and irresponsible behavior, control issues, daddy issues, immaturity, refusal to cooperate, refusal to work, refusal to stop partying, willful destruction of finances, tantrums, threats of arrest, false police reports, false allegations of child abuse. The list goes on and on and on.

It suck and that's life in the big city.
But, not for me. I won't live this way.

I'm very lucky. I found a beautiful woman who is truly a partner to me and my best friend!
Not a day goes by where I don't think to myself how lucky I am.
Sadly, she's been put through a lot of the dysfunction I've been through.
I am the luckiest man alive and I am so grateful.

BeautyIAM
BeautyIAM

@RichardBackman


"I explain that I am not required and I do not desire to explain anything about myself."


YES! That is what I'm talking about!!!!

MichelleEllington
MichelleEllington

@KendraTaylor @ElLagoJeff I have to ask the women here, are you offended by a man who likes long legs, skinny women, fat women, big busted women. Are you offended when you are his "type"? I used to be, but at 40G if a man is trying to date me then I know he is into short, round busty caramel hued women no matter what race he is. Why would I punish him for that if he is respectful and interested in me as a person? And I think women forget that a man has to be physically attracted to a woman, for whatever reason. Men are not so evolved that what you look like is not an overriding factor in attraction. We as women have to be and are often more interested in just a pretty face because of our needs as a gender. Conversely, men, she cares a whole hell of a lot about your ability to provide because if she has your kids she very well could need that from you for months, even years, it isn't fair to punish her for what she needs either. But I digress...the bottom line is, why shouldn't he like our round behinds, proud demeanor, and awesome hair ( no matter how we choose to wear it). Men shouldn't have to apologize for being what they are and how they are.

ElLagoJeff
ElLagoJeff

@Brenda55 @ElLagoJeff No, I think it's just all a part of the wonderful world of race relations in America that our ancestors built for us.  Forget dating, I think there is a lot of suspicion and mistrust of white people in general within the black community--and rightly so!  I study history, and not just the white-washed version they sell us in elementary school.


Some folks wonder why BM and WW have no qualms about dating each other.  It's because BM don't look at WW and wonder if she's going to use him, because men aren't naturally suspicious of women.  The gender dynamic is in their favor.  In the case of WM and BW, the woman in this pairing is both naturally suspicious as a woman AND mistrustful as a member of an oppressed minority group.  Not exactly a recipe for openness.  Heck, it's hard enough to get a WW to trust me, so it's no surprise that this is an issue with BW.

SavageTango
SavageTango

@Brenda55 @ElLagoJeff Gonna crash your question and speak strictly for myself here...NOPE.  It comes from all over the place. 

Now, lets just say you happen to find yourself at a gentlemen's club and head straight for the Ebony beauty on the pole and make it rain all over her whilst tossing pennies and dirty looks at her Ivory counterparts.  Its pretty safe to say you got that fetish thing goin on and you're getting your fix. And it does NOT go unnoticed.  Or so I've heard.

On the other hand, meeting Lovely Black Ladies in your daily doings, such as grocery stores, dog parks, wine bars or other places where people tend to gather and socialize, we white dudes are indeed met with a little skepticism for no reason other than we singled her out and are talking to her. People simply assume first and foremost that we want a little something and we're trying to get it.  It happens.  Lovely Black Ladies just kind of wonder to themselves "Why is this white dude talking to me?  What does he want? How long until he steers this toward the gutter and shows me what he's REALLY all about?" 

I know this because I've been told on numerous occasions by various Ladies, as well as the very Lady I happened to be talking to.  That always makes for interesting conversation later when she says how her and her friends were all in the bathroom talkin about that white dude and what he was after.

So long answer to a short question you happened to ask someone else, it doesn't always have a lot to do with the situation or who it comes up with.  It happens, ya man up and deal with it.  And trust me, if that's the worst problem I gotta deal with here, this ain't such a bad thing now, is it?

Zetahille
Zetahille

My first sentence was needed because it addressed your first post.

And who gives us a hard time? Let me spell it out for you: Certain black women and others (family members, friends) will interrogate white men for their attraction to black women, and those people forget that white men are just men, with natural attractions! That's what this whole thread is about!!

sparel
sparel

@markhaaseth @sparel yeah I understand you said there are good ones.  I won't dispute that.  But I was just saying what I find to be a little off putting.  For me personally I don't feel like I have say anything negative as to justify why I like white men.  I've said this before.  If all black men went to Harvard and were good fathers would that stop me for dating outside my race.  And if the answer is no than that's enough to validate that I'm liking a person for the right reasons.  and not because "black men ain't sh^t".


That's just my take on it.  It's unpopular.  but I would rather for a man to love me for my unpopular opinion than conform to other people standards. 

Brenda55
Brenda55 moderator

@markhaaseth @sparel

Keith and I were just having a similar conversation just a few hours ago.  You have seen some of his posts.  He knows of what you speak as do I.


It seems at times that black women and white men have been victims of the same types of troubles at the hands of selfish and overly entitled spoiled brats that were thought to be our ideal and natural partners.  That is just an uncomfortable reality. Nice to know that there other options and that it can be much better.

Brenda55
Brenda55 moderator

@ElLagoJeff @Brenda55

Thanks for answering my question. 

I agree with this.  One small refinement.


"Some folks wonder why BM and WW have no qualms about dating each other.  It's because BM don't look at WW and wonder if she's going to use him, because men aren't naturally suspicious of women.  The gender dynamic is in their favor."


I also think that for some white women their fight against White male privilege and patriarchy dove tails with that of black men so they find points of common ground. Not saying that all BM/WW pairing are based on that but I do think that for some couples of this type a component of that.


" In the case of WM and BW, the woman in this pairing is both naturally suspicious as a woman AND mistrustful as a member of an oppressed minority group.  Not exactly a recipe for openness." 


Excellent point. I have seen however that this is more of an issue in the U.S. and less so with BW who have not been raised here. Has that been your experience?

robjk
robjk

And vice versa, there is a lot of mistrust towards black from whites knowing there is a "stick it to the man " mentality many have.

Brenda55
Brenda55 moderator

@SavageTango @Brenda55 @ElLagoJeff

" Lovely Black Ladies just kind of wonder to themselves "Why is this white dude talking to me?  What does he want? How long until he steers this toward the gutter and shows me what he's REALLY all about?" 


OK this is real.  I have has those exact same thoughts in the past when talking to white men.  Got over it since I eventually married one.  LOL

BreannaNouveaux
BreannaNouveaux

My post is about not encouraging the language regardless of those with ignorant intentions. Life is us..WE are society and thus we shape our realities. And that's why I said your last sentence is all that's needed. "I like black women. I also like the color red, whats it to you?" Its nothing to them they are just there to be distracting and passive aggressive.

With that said,

I know most don't see things outside of the norm so I will just sit back and nod now. Explanations are simply too draining when I see things in a vastly different way.

Peace.

markhaaseth
markhaaseth

@sparel @markhaaseth 

I have always dated the rainbow.
I just find myself noticing behavioral differences that cause me to reflect on the question of why?
I love my wife because she is the absolute best woman I have ever met. End of story.

ElLagoJeff
ElLagoJeff

@Brenda55 @ElLagoJeff My only two IR dating experiences have been with AA women, so I don't have a frame of reference with black women raised outside the United States.  I've heard that this is true, though.  The only married BW/WM couple I know is a 2nd-generation Nigerian married to a coworker of mine, so I have seen confirmation of this.


I do understand the skepticism, though.  What I'd like to know is how I can work to quell this when dating BW.  There are some guys who don't really care if their black girlfriends are uncomfortable with them, but it bothers me a great deal.  I need the other person to be completely open and comfortable with me if the relationship is to have any real chance at success.

Brenda55
Brenda55 moderator

@BreannaNouveaux

Take it from me.  non-black men do get hassled about their preference.

My husband lost a job because of our relationship.


A sister of mine had her boyfriend taken off to the side by his boss and "advised" that maybe his relationship with her was not a good idea.

Brenda55
Brenda55 moderator

@ElLagoJeff @Brenda55

I can offer some advice but need to know a little more.


What is meant by uncomfortable?  How does it manifest in your relationship?


Is your GF cool with the relationship when behind closed door but skittish when out in public?


Is she nervous when around other black people? Her family? In her home town?


What are you seeing? 



BreannaNouveaux
BreannaNouveaux

Good question.

Often when I read online comments from white guys expressing their desire for black women they say things like "I like black women and not ashamed." Or "I am not ashamed to say it but I like black women."

Personally, I see this is as a disservice because language is extremely efficient when spreading concious and subconcious messages. This is why mainstream rap music works so well against black (along with the accompanying images of course.)

And I understand it seems futile now AFTER the post was written to say any of this however I still wanted to point out that attaching the word "shame" to a person you desire , especially when that group is denigrated for many MANY different things, is unproductive. And I know its not done conciously. Its moreso learned. Which indirectly proves what I am trying to say.

I believe, even if gradual, many of black womens stereotypes can dissipate and it helps to start with the group of peoples who are willing to understand black women best. I have always been told time and again by those I have worked with in psychology and other fields that language is extremely important and that its better to try to use it positively if you are trying to bring about some type of change.

So, thats the background I am coming from. A simple " I am attracted to black women and some people gave me crap for it" suffices. As I dont see white men having to attach shame nor explanation to the Latina and Asian women they date who I am sure are not always welcomed into white spaces or visa versa.

Its like why do we like certain colors of the rainbow- we just do. Its our favorite and we dont have to be ashamed of it either. :)

BreannaNouveaux
BreannaNouveaux

I am sure the hassling happens itself but that's really not what any of my posts were referring to but I see now why people may think I was.

Thank you for the return comments.

ElLagoJeff
ElLagoJeff

@Brenda55 @ElLagoJeff  It's more just a matter of them questioning my intentions.  Things would happen that were unexpected or unusual and they would wonder about my motives with the unspoken worry that I was acting in a shady manner.

I'll give an example:  I took my first black girlfriend out to eat for one of our first dates.  It was raining one of those tropical Houston downpours, and I offered to drop her near the door so she didn't have to run through the parking lot and get wet in the process.  She seemed very put off by this, and only later did she tell me that she was very hurt because she thought I was either a.) trying to avoid walking in with her b.) making some veiled comment about how bad she would look if her hair got wet c.) thinking that I didn't have to be chivalrous with her, i.e. that I wouldn't open her car door like I would for a non-black girl.


I was stunned that she was upset when I was actually trying to be very considerate to her.  Only after a great deal of reassurance did she actually accept that I wasn't up to anything nefarious.

Little things like this have happened in both relationships, and it's really given me a window into the thoughts that are preoccupying these women when they're dating me. 

Brenda55
Brenda55 moderator

@ElLagoJeff @Brenda55

OK, got it.

What is going on is that you are in the presence of a young women who is testing the relationship to destruction.


Trust issues are trust issues no matter the race and not a good way to start any relationship.


If a young women of your own race and culture did the same thing....constantly question motive.. probe for the negative..what would you do?


You would probably see it for what it is and act accordingly.


A fact to remember.  Black women successfully date,marry and maintain relationships with white men all the time.


Black women are also aware of how non black men treat women of their own race. 


White men do not...nor do they have to....jump through special race hoops in order to be with a black women. 


When dating black women see her the same an one from your own race.  Do not overlay America's tricked up race relations issues in your relationship.  It has no place there. It is just you and her. 


If you are getting the third degree like that then the young women is not ready to date IRR. Cut bait and fish somewhere else.  





ElLagoJeff
ElLagoJeff

@Brenda55 @ElLagoJeff  Thanks for your reply.  I know that women of all races have trust issues, but my fear is that they're much more pronounced in an IR relationship, especially BW/WM pairings.  I say this because my (admittedly limited) experiences have taught me that the initial skepticism seems to be higher than normal when I'm getting to know a BW.

SirLoinDeBeef
SirLoinDeBeef

@SavageTango @Brenda55 @ElLagoJeff 

It's my personal belief that you 'date' your intended wife fairly frequently, right up to the wedding and honeymoon.

But then, if one is both smart and wise, afterward you date her at least twice as much.

Brenda55
Brenda55 moderator

@ElLagoJeff @Brenda55


Agreed.  Given your "admittedly limited experience" with dating black women what I am saying to you is to see it as an individual woman thing and not spend too much time trying to over come that.   


No need in going beyond what is reasonable. Just move on you will find a women with out the trust issue baggage.