QOTW: “Should I Move to More Interracial Relationship-Friendly Pastures?”

People move for jobs all the time. But what about packing your bags for the chance at romance?

71 comments
nubianinthedesert
nubianinthedesert

Let me put a plug in for Phoenix. Arizona state politics aside, the Valley has some extremely liberal pockets and many interracial couples (WM/BW). It's a 'new' city with tons of transplants moving here every day. And the sunsets make a great backdrop for romantic dates. :)

International_Responder
International_Responder

I hope this young lady goes for it. Having lived in the U.S. permanently since college I've had the opportunity to experience living in Maryland, Western New York, and Tampa, FL and I found them all more swirl friendly to BW, well WNY not the best economy wise, but still much better for swirling than the Midwest where I currently reside. While there are regions that are more swirl friendly specifically for BW, there’s no one size fits all locale. I personally feel like I’m my best self on the East Coast in that I feel alive, inspired, find lots of amenities that cater to my taste etc. for someone else these same feelings come when they’re in Miami, Toronto, or somewhere else.  I hope this young lady finds her landing pad where she can thrive in every area, love, career, health, spiritually etc. Heck as soon as leaving the Midwest is an option I’m out ….but will do my best to bloom while planted here! 

 

LovelyLulu
LovelyLulu

I really wish I could go spend more time in Europe, but I can't afford it right now because I'm trying to get my degree once and for all.  Bizzarely, getting a degree from a university in the UK is way cheaper if I just stay here in Jamaica to get it.  I'd love to go to Scotland or Ireland for a while.  Or maybe a French speaking country to teach English.

But, I can't sit around and wait until I can travel to look for someone.  I have to keep looking in the meantime.  It's just tough to meet guys sometimes because I basically haven't had a social life for years so I don't even know where to begin most of the time.

If anyone has any ideas on how/where to meet guys 50 and under I'd really appreciate it.  Most of the men I'm meeting are a bit too old for me.  I think the sailing suggestion is a great idea - I'll look into it.

I was also considering trying online dating again, and be more open to meeting someone outside of Jamaica.  Since Florida and South America are close, maybe I'll include those places.  A flight to Florida takes no time at all so travel will be cheaper and easier.  Has anyone tried online dating with guys in a different state or country?  I'm not sure how it works - do you just talk to them on Skype and eventually travel to meet them? 

Driving Miss Britt
Driving Miss Britt

*scratch record* New Orleans… she better get that plane ticket and leave…lol. Don’t get me wrong, I love my city but the dating scene, particularly for interracial dating, is still kind of low. Heck, I am buying my time before leaving for many reasons and dating is one of them.  I think if you are in a dating desert, particularly one for black women, I think it is perfectly acceptable to explore your options of moving somewhere that is more “dating friendly” or even interracial friendly (though love can blossom anywhere) IF you are in a position to do so and honestly being a college grad is a prime opportunity to explore those options location wise. I am very much from the philosophy of “change your options/outlook then you will change your luck”. I wholeheartedly agree with doing your research, you don’t want to romanticize a location then get there and find out it is nothing like how it was in your head because every city has its pros/cons especially when it comes to dating. And don't sleep on those areas surrounding the major city, you will be surprise how many single men that don't actively live in the city but may work there who are looking for dates. You look good Christelyn, your skin is flawless.

Morenika
Morenika

Yes I would relocate for love especially where swirling is great.    I say move where the options are present.  Oh and not off the subject,  you look great on the video for the article Christelyn....

jdependance
jdependance

I would love to move somewhere I could swirl and have a great career. I don't have kids and I'm actually not working at the moment (I worked at a school, and school is out for the summer). I really don't want to go back to my old job, but I don't have enough money to go across the country to find a rainbeau. Oh well. I'll live vicariously through happy swirlers.

ChristieRJohnson
ChristieRJohnson

Next year, I'm heading for Madrid, Spain.  My Hispanic coworkers, who are trying to help me with my Spanish joke about me finding a husband and never coming back.  "His name is going to be Alejandro, Pedro or Fernando.  Oh, he's going to be blond with pretty eyes.  And with you skin color, you are going to have some pretty babies."

I"m going because I always wanted to live overseas.  Maybe I could find love too.  It's not my sole reason, but it would be nice.

QueenAnne
QueenAnne

Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Washington and also Tacoma, WA and also Lakewood, WA are like swirl central here in the Pacific Northwest.

bellechose
bellechose

If you live in a big enough city, i HIGHLY recommend finding an apartment in the more affluent+younger+single area(s). It's a great environment where certain black women will shine :D 

More social activities, its SAFER, more single men of all ages, more well to do men, more opportunities for friendships among people w/ similar values, etc. If you can't move to those areas then spend as much of your free time there as possible!!  If your town is too small, spend time in the nearest biggest big city on the weekends.

If your job has you only able to live in one city the rest of your life and severely affects your chances at finding love...you need to sit down and have a serious convo with yourself. make a plan ASAP to either go back to school for a more competitive degree, find more certifications to make your resume more competitive, or look for a job in another industry where you can utilize the skills you have. That's why I studied a STEM. I never wanted my job to be location dependent. 

If you don't believe in moving for love, fine, but back the hell off of bw who do or might be. How many career women in their 40s and 50s, who wanted the husband and kids, do we hear say they regret putting their jobs before their love life???

When my friend was browsing through some online dating sites, she was pleasantly surprised at how many men outside of the US (Canadian, British, and Aussies) were willing to relocate for a relationship with a bw they connected with. just stay safe and use common sense. I believe Chris made a post about international dating awhile back.

BreannaNouveaux
BreannaNouveaux

First off, 

You look absolutely gorgeous in this video!

Secondly,

I agree with moving for love, people will down in because they want to do it but are probably scared so they will down your decision.  Go where you can bloom - don't stick around weeds.  Whether it be blackistan or what have you - why stay where there is no progress for you.  We get OLDER not younger.  


Thirdly, 

  I cannot wait to visit Cali - I am hearing its even more open to irr than NYC which frankly, I barely saw bw in irr there. 

Browncow
Browncow

Great advice Chris! Our young lady needs to move. I had made a decision that if I hadn't found love by a certain time, I was going to move to either Canada or Europe. I met my husband so I didn't have to go anywhere. She needs to really research an area because just because it's supposed to be a nice area for IR relationships in general, it my not be great for BW. Go to places where it's good for BW to date interracially. You could find yourself going to a place where the pickings are great for Asian women and BM and you'll be in the same place you are now.

zimekcyn
zimekcyn

Christelyn, great advice!  Beautiful hair!

FriendsofJay
FriendsofJay

If you can find out the average age and educational background of the populace, it would help.  People in my area seem to have been "born" old.  Many people in the area formerly worked in the local steel mills and they haven't taken well to plant closings.  They're indifferent to any type of cultural life; they don't want their kids to go to college and become snobs (as Rick Santorum said) or take advanced placement courses in high school.  But when one school district wanted to fire a football coach they had to call in riot police.  Sports is VERY, VERY big in this area.  We have a college in our town, but it is VERY conservative. 


But as EarthJeff said college towns are usually more open.  Younger, educated people usually have much more open minds. 



Brenda55
Brenda55 moderator

Oh Chris that suit is too cute.  OK give it up.  Where did you get it?

SirLoinDeBeef
SirLoinDeBeef

Chris, is that you in the photo? - no disrespect intended (and Brenda55 is sitting a few feet away) - but WOOOOO !!!

EarthJeff
EarthJeff

I agree about college towns.. usually very open.  Ann Arbor is probably the best in Michigan for Swirling, although I have heard Lansing is good too.  I have always wanted to check out Minneapolis... it has a reputation for being swirl-friendly too.  Anyone in Minny want to chime in here?

Heidi49
Heidi49

I agree with the advice given to you by Christelyn. Do your research first. Get to know the area and see what type of community programs they have for young singles that will help you with getting comfortable with your new town. Take your time and go slowly, You are young and you have plenty of time. Good Luck. 

Leille
Leille

My "coastal community" experience, in northern California, has been a bust since putting myself out there. The more WASP techies that move in, the more invisible I feel.

I'm not leaving. My job and benefits are the best one could have in this area, in these times. Im doing Match, Ok Cupid and meetups.

Suggestions?

SirLoinDeBeef
SirLoinDeBeef

@jdependance 

Buy a used motor scooter/moped and a bedroll - stay at state parks - camp out - travel on your own.

It's not just for foot-loose guys anymore!

Seenyc
Seenyc

@ChristieRJohnson "His name is going to be Alejandro, Pedro or Fernando.  Oh, he's going to be blond with pretty eyes.  And with you skin color, you are going to have some pretty babies."


Thought precedes manifestation. Create it in your mind you will see it in your life!  I'm so into the school of new thought, LOL! I wish you so much luck and success, buena suerte! I have live around tons of Spanish speakers for years and I'm still not fluent. O.o I know for shame, LOL!

lalalee0305
lalalee0305

Go ahead, girl - do your thing in Spain.  Have a blast and congrats for expanding your options and exploring the world.  Like you, I'm on my way overseas too.  It would be great to hear of your experience! 

bellechose
bellechose

@BreannaNouveaux visit the SF/Bay area if you get a chance. I was the only bw for miles at times it seemed but I still enjoyed myself. The tourists and the natives I ran across were lovely and it made my stay really awesome. don't forget to bring a jacket if you go!!

SirLoinDeBeef
SirLoinDeBeef

@EarthJeff 

If you're in Ann Arbor, a nice day date might be to take your guy or girl and go to Hell.

Which is a little wide spot on the road - go to Pinkney, and follow the sign in the middle of town - have a lunch at the Dam Site - chuckle over their electing an honorary mayor in February (when Hell freezes over) - visit the General Store and get the t-shirt - pretty country going to and coming from.

Swirlgirl28
Swirlgirl28

@Leille  If you can't relocate; online dating is the best choice. I understand exactly what you mean; two years ago I didn't want to relocate, so a relative gave me the idea to online date and I'm loving it.

Maxine
Maxine

@Leille Are you outdoorsy?  Not that being outdoorsy and a techie are mutually exclusive, but I think guys who run, do water sports, climb, play volleyball, cycle, etc. are more open than the guys who stay in writing code all weekend.  I say hang out at the marina or join a club like Sierra Club or check out the events/classes calendar at your local REI store.  

oekmama
oekmama

Out of comfort zone= whatever you were doing til now hasn't worked, so do something different: every weekend, do something you haven't done before. Somewhere new to you. On the coast? Ever been sailing? Are there sailing classes? I'm sure Matthew has some good tips.

LeCe
LeCe

@Leille   You have a great smile.  Get out of your comfort zone.  Be friendly.  You basically know what to do.


Good Luck.

ChristieRJohnson
ChristieRJohnson

It kind of suprised me when she said it.  The other two Hispanic guys agreed with her.  They are so into me going.  It's nice to have encouragement and support. 

ChristieRJohnson
ChristieRJohnson

Thanks for the well wishes.  This will be the culimantion of 2 1/2 yrs of planning and dreaming.  I'll be taking a TEFL course, which includes Spanish immersion classes on a student visa.  Student visa mean eligable to work up to 20hrs/wk. 

When I talked to the manager of the program, she asked me if I ever left the US.  I told her no.  She seemed a little suprised.  She told me that Madrid is a wonderful city and I will have a good time.

Now, it's just paying bill and saving money because most of my visa work can't be done until July, because I will leave in Sept of 2016. 

This is the most scariest thing I have ever done and I lived in AK for 5months.  To walk away from a stable job and decent money at my age is a risk, but something inside of me tells me I must do this. 

lalalee, where are you going?

CassieM12345
CassieM12345

@lalalee0305 @ChristieRJohnson 

Have fun both of you! I lived abroad for 6 years after marrying my Italian hubby (we met online, married 10 years now). My experience in Italy was and continues (when we go back) to be very positive.  


I'm so happy that I had the chance to meet people (especially guys) from abroad. If I had to do it over, I would have done an exchange program in high school and a junior year abroad in college---we joke that we should have met each other sooner!! But not too young ,otherwise, drama, lol.



Arlianna2014
Arlianna2014

@Lili2009   I live in Texas and that is not true for anyone I know regardless of color, race or sex. 


Education is very much pushed and supported for our children. 


Generalizations are not good on an open forum.

Brenda55
Brenda55 moderator

@Christelyn  @Brenda55


I am on it. I need an incentive to further my weight loss journey. This is going up on my bedroom closet.  Totally girly girl.



Leille
Leille

Hiking is okay. I only like to run short endurance races, but I love fishing. I would like to try rock climbing.

SirLoinDeBeef
SirLoinDeBeef

@oekmama 

Lots of single, well-to-do guys sail and/or own boats - usually small fiberglass 'screaming-over-the-waves' things - plus, if you develop some 'crewing-in-a-race' skills, you'll never want for company and excitement on a given weekend - plus near-automatic as-a-guest entry into some of the most exclusive/posh yacht clubs in the nation.

SirLoinDeBeef
SirLoinDeBeef

@jdependance @SirLoinDeBeef 

For women/girls, its not as safe as for guys, who can throw a bedroll in the back of a beat-up car and just go.

But walking the national trails (west & east coasts) or putt-putting between national and state parks is safer than, say, hitchhiking across the USA, and a lot of European women do that.

Your battered-and-scraped-up motor-scooter (100 cc single-cylinder engine) insures you will stay OFF the Interstates, and thus, see a lot more of the country ... away from the various 'Blackistan's' and their 'two-legged predators'.

Go in a group of like-minded ladies, all traveling together ... by bus, rain, car, scooters, horseback or on foot - there's safety in numbers.

But, if you demand absolute safety, take an organized trip or a cruise, paying their price for the certainty you'll enjoy.

Expand your horizons or contract them around you:  your choice.

Maxine
Maxine

@ChristieRJohnson Oh I think if you lived in Alaska for 5 months  then you've got Spain down pat!  Sunshine and wine over snow and bears.

lalalee0305
lalalee0305

Hey there! Good for you in going - feel the fear and do it anyway. No matter your age because this opportunity came at the right time in your life. I had very similar experiences - up and moving to Colorado and i didn't know a soul and i'm glad i did it. Who knows you may meet that special someone who has been waiting for you to make that move:-)

Leille
Leille

@copperqueen19 


I'm doing Match and OKCupid. Been on for almost two months. Only had one date so far. I went out with a guy who said he was divorced. I learned he had three very young children. No way was I gonna be a part of that.


You'd probably would be most successful on these sites if you're conventionally attractive: thin with sexy photos, as you will be competing with white and asian women on these sites. Guys that seem interesting and  worth while who talk to me are few and far in between. Most of them disappear and reappear weeks at a time. It sucks being the back up plan. I refuse to be treated that way and cut them off immediately, as a result.

Maxine
Maxine

@Leille Fishing sounds like a great opportunity to meet guys.  I imagine they'd strike up a conversation just out of curiosity.  Do you run 5K?  In So Cal there are plenty of 5k races with theme parties afterward (glow sticks and rave music, mud, beer, hot chocolate, colored powders) that give you the chance to meet people.  I bet they have some in NorCal.  I wouldn't give up  with online dating either.  It can take awhile.

ChristieRJohnson
ChristieRJohnson

@Maxine @ChristieRJohnson Luckily, those 5 months were from May-Sept.  It snowed in May, then it was Spring for a few weeks.  Summer lasted about 2wks, which meant it got above 65 degrees and in Sept, I saw the Northern Lights.

I met a lot of people, especially from Eastern Block countries.  I remember I was talking to 2 guys:  one was from the Czech Republic and the other was from Poland.  Both very cute.  Nothing happened, but it was nice to have guys that were attracted to me.  

As for bears, I was more worried about moose.  The first day I was there, a few of us decided to go walking to a miniature golf course.  We were walking back and we here rustling beside us.  We turn to look and there was a moose just munching away.  That sucker was close.  We looked at it; it looked at us and we both ran in opposite directions.  



cjdimplez
cjdimplez

@Leille @copperqueen19 I have been on Match (and some others) and am currently on OKcupid too.  I hate it when guys talk to you for awhile and then disappear.  It is so annoying and enough to give a girl a complex if she doesn't have high self-esteem.

Leille
Leille

Definitely getting a complex from these sites. Do not, I repeat, do not look at the competition... It'll make you feel worse!

copperqueen19
copperqueen19

@cjdimplez @Leille @copperqueen19   That's good that you do that. No time for nonsense. I heard Match was pretty good, and eHarmony too. I'm slender and very fit, but not thin, and I don't think I can take sexy photos lol. I'm mostly attracted to East Asian men, and then White men, so Lord knows how I will do on these websites. There is so much competition! I might have to give it a chance though as I live in South Carolina and have had no luck with the Asian/White men down here.