I recently found your site when I was looking for articles regarding interracial marriage and just general black/white information. As a white man I believe that even though my wife is black, I feel I should continue to learn more about her, her culture, and keep myself informed as to what is going on. Needless to say I never want to be that guy that says or does something inappropriate.
Following my divorce in 2008 from my Turkish wife, I began dating black women, either African Americans, island girls or Africans. What I found interesting about black women were their strength, ability to discuss issues they may have with me as well as continue to love me. White girls have a harder time communicating without holding it against you. Anyway, in 2010 I met my wife who is from Gabon, West Africa and have never been happier. My life changed so much for the best.
Marrying a black wife has caused a lot of problems with my family since I grew up in a small coal mining town in West Virginia. I never thought it would ever happen to me since my family taught me to be different and not fall into the West Virginian stereotype. But it has happend and I work hard every day to get my father to just meet her in hopes they will see she is different. But in some places, it is still 1959.
What I have found being married to an African wife is that she does not get very nice comments frm African Americans. Maybe it is her French accent I don’t know. When I started asking around there seems to be conflict between the Africans and African Americans. Can you enlighten us on BB&W?
Hey there, Mr. Gabon:
Your question comes at an serendipitous time, because I just produced a video about this. The truth is, African Americans and Africans have separate cultures and value systems which often cause tension between the communities. Because black Americans are descendants of Africans, some of us often assume a familiarity that perhaps we shouldn’t. Many Africans immigrate from countries rife with chaos and come to America kissing the ground and seizing the opportunities. They don’t whine and moan about racism and injustice–they are grateful for the chance to make something out of nothing, because while America has it’s problems, we are indeed a meritocracy. You work hard, you work smart, doesn’t matter what color you are, you can be a success. Because many Africans come to America and become successful despite Blackistanis (thanks, for that, Law Wanxi) crying about how they can’t get a leg up, the green-eyed monster of envy and jealously rears it’s warted head.
Conversely, African immigrants aren’t blind. They see much of the black underclass–the rampant out-of-wedlock births, apathy about education, victimology–and want nothing of it. Make no mistake about calling an African an African American, because they will make the distinction, because they do believe there is a difference. We “slave descendants” have yet to collectively overcome our slave mentalities.
Mr. Gabon, the problem your wife has is twofold–crabs-in-a-barrel Blackistanis think your wife belongs to them, not you. And as their property, they resent you for having married her and see her as a betrayer of the race. My advice to you is to create you own “circle of support.” That means that you live, associate and communicate with people who are supportive you and your wife. Everyone else should become estranged, are at least only touched with a ten-foot pole. The good news is that many (if not most) African Americans of a higher socioeconomic status don’t feel this way, and will respect the choice you and your wife have made to become a union.
If not, phuck ’em! Being HAPPY is the best finger in the eye of the haters! AHAHAHHA!
Update: Someone on the fan page mentioned that not ALL Africans come to this country kissing the ground. They come for education. Here’s what one reader said: “I came to the US at age of 18 in 94′ with a student visa to pursue my higher education. My parents in Africa financed 100% of my studies and living expenses for me and all of my 6 brothers/sisters who came to US at different time intervals for the same purpose.” So I stand corrected on that point.
Got a question you’d like me and the BB&W Crew to chime in on? Hit us up at firstname.lastname@example.org.