Question of the Week: "Why Won’t That Guy Staring at Me Just Ask Me Out Already?!"

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The question is one I’ve often wondered about myself. But since I’m no fancy schmancy dating expert or anything, I brought in (the now very famous) Deborrah Cooper to tackle it:

I have liked a guy for a long time now..over a year to be exact. I noticed that he was staring at me one day. At first I was afraid to approach and assumed that he would eventually do it. So,week after week, I would go to his place of work at my school(which is accessible to all the college students) and wait for him to say something…never happened. So,after a number of months and a whole lot of guts and courage, I went up and talked to him. He was visibly nervous. I made a joke and he laughed(quite loudly-but it made my heart melt,lol) Then on occasion I would say “hi”,but he would never initiate it…ever. He would just stare and stare ,but never say anything,even when I came close he seemed to move away or not want to answer any of my questions…but sure enough when I turned around to look back, he would stare and not let go of the stare. So,here I am puzzled and annoyed. What should I do?

Okay, Deborrah, be gentle! She’s a college girl!

Short of this guy being in the Witness Protection program and afraid to be found out, a felon on the run using an assumed identity, or a spy, there is a simple explanation for this guy’s behavior.

Men are really not complicated creatures at all. When they really want something, they go after it with everything they have. A man that isn’t sure he wants something won’t move on it until he is. A man that is only mildly interested in something won’t pay much attention long-term, though he may show intermittetent or brief interest in it. And a man that isn’t interested at all will just look to check the thing out, but he won’t say or do anything to acquire that item.

Sadly, these are the types of situations where women set themselves up to be used. Women will decide they like/love a man that doesn’t really like/love them back. She has sex, then when it becomes apparent that the high level of interest she seeks isn’t there, she feels shortchanged and manipulated.

What she hasn’t realized yet is this guy isn’t that interested in her. He may look at her because she is pretty and men (visual creatures that they are), love to look at pretty things. He may look at her because he likes her ass. He may look at her becasue she reminds him of someone else. There are many reasons a man will stare at a woman! But one thing she can bet on is if an entire year has gone by, and even with her friendliness and encouragement he barely speaks, I would venture to say that his interest in her is mild at best and that she should like someone else instead.

Get more of Deborrah’s sage advice on her site, Surviving Dating. And some of you ladies really, really need to check our her book, Sucka Free Love!

The Man Myth