Like many of you, I read the article published in Black Girl Long Hair written by the site’s founder. It’s full of frustration, exasperation, expletives and…hopelessness. Take for example, this quote:
Look, black women have been marching on the front lines, pledging their allegiance to black D, going to bat for questionable men, building bridges, singing ballads, and by and large, it hasn’t changed the trend or the narrative.
We cannot fight, scream, insult, beg or thinkpiece our way into being loved. As long as we live in a society where whiteness is prized and blackness is exploited, where the value of a woman is tied up in a man ‘choosing’ her, this issue will persist. (And I know that #notallblackmen are marrying interracially as a slight to black women and some have found true love and blah, blah, blah. I’m talking about the phenomenon of black men avoiding black partners because they aren’t perceived as valuable.)
Yes; Leila, this is true. Black women have been bending and folding themselves into pretzels in order to “prove” our loyalty, love, fidelity and devotion to the black community and the black male collective with little or no reciprocation for a century. That loyalty is often rewarded with these same males turning heel and running to “Becky” like you mention. You’ve finally realized that no amount of guilt, marching, and unconditional love is going to stop the flow of black men dating and intermarrying. You’ve given up, and all the expletives you use in this article show me that you’re still hurt and angry.
You close with…
Black women deserve better than to live in constant panic that Becky and Marquese are married while Keisha is still single. We are more than a collection of the horrible stereotypes and statistics that seem to constantly swirl around us. We say we are magic. Let’s start to believe it.
Are black women so “magical” that they don’t need love and companionship like every other race of woman? Does our magic absolve us of feeling loneliness and rejection? Does being magical mean that we just need to accept that by and large, we live in a society and community that has open contempt for the collective of black girls and women?
And you might think I’m going to turn around and spew the ‘black women need to marry white men!’ rhetoric. But I’m not going to do that either. Because it’s the same fundamental problem in a different form. It’s attaching a black woman’s value to how she is perceived and desired by someone outside of her.
Wait…whet? You mean, giving men of other races or cultures who will VALUE YOU is offensive? This UPSETS YOU? This is the reason you give to poo-poo this alternative?
So…your answer to all of this is sorcery? Magic sprinkles and fairy dust to allow us to “no longer care” about how badly we’re treated? And then, through all of that, you disqualify the VERY REAL and VIABLE ALTERNATIVE for black women to expand ALL their relationship options to include white men…and eskimos?? Why, girl?
“And you might think I’m going to turn around and spew the ‘black women need to marry white men!’ rhetoric.”That quote right there tells me you are STILL worried about what the black collective thinks of you, and that you STILL want acceptance from the very men you admit reject you.
Here’s the truth.
Black Girl Magic will not keep you from being lonely.
Black Girl Magic will not keep you from feeling rejected.
Black Girl Magic will not keep you from wanting a partner in love like every other race of woman.
Black Girl Magic will not keep you from feeling envy when every other race of woman is engaging in practices that secure her bloodline.
Black Girl Magic will not make all that anger and feelings of rejection go away.
What I notice with black women who write these types of articles is, many of them are almost-there with everything spaces like Beyond Black & White have been saying for years, but will stop short at taking the leap and stop being so damn connected to black men and the collective and do what the fuck they want to do in finding relationships with quality men of all races. YOU STILL CARE. Like Shakespeare, thou doest protest too much.
If you can acknowledge that black women have been “marching on the front lines, pledging their allegiance to black D, going to bat for questionable men, building bridges, singing ballads” but won’t acknowledge that black women FUCKING NEED TO EXPAND THEIR OPTIONS, then sis…you ain’t ready. It also tells me that you’re still too AFRAID of dating interracially, because up till now you’ve focused on trying to be pleasing and attractive to black men while rejecting the idea of finding love elsewhere. And up until you wrote this post, I can assume you DID “panic” about the dating behaviors of black men? Think back to when you were in college “panicking.” How many guys could have been great potential partners back then that you rejected because they weren’t the right color?
Chile…you ain’t ready. You might never be ready. But if and when you are ready to put yourself first, I’ll be here for you.
Note: Leila, if you take this as any sort of indication that I don’t like you or support you, you would be wrong. What you have done with BGLH has been truly life changing for many black women. You have, in your own way, changed the world and empowered black women to embrace who they are, like no other ever has in this country and with our history…EVER. In your own way, you encouraged black women to embrace “something new.” And yes; that was a hint. 😉
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